Summary: Have you ever wanted to take your own life? Not
just think about it, but seriously really consider it, turn it
over in your mind. Ron does so every day. But can he
actually do it? He's the middle pillar holding up a tall
building and if he were to cease existince, so would everyone
else. But does Ron know that?
Rating: R. It'll get extremely dark in upcoming chapters. Lots of angst. Suicide, death, and much more. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations in this story belong to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Warner Bros. The writer is making no money off of it and does not claim ownership over it. And other citations will be made where necassary.
Dedication: I'm dedicating this to JK Rowling, who's imagination and amazing mind has put together an incredible story that has inspired me to write this fanfic. Please don't sue me Joanne, I do not claim to own this, for my mind could never compare to yours. Thanks for helping me decide where I want to go in life.
Author's Note: Well here's fifth chapter. I wrote this for two days straight. I swear. I just wrote and wrote and wrote. And then I had tons of beta-reading to do. You guys are totally awesome! Now you have fun reading this chapter. Ten reviews is a lot for me. I'm very thankful to all of the people who have given me feedback. I hope to get more than just a few reviews for this chapter! Hope you enjoy it. You probably won't because this is chock-full of horrible angst. But try to anways.
Thanks to my muse, Todd. Although, those times when he decided to stay up all night partying and getting drunk off his ass, didn't help me one bit. Because then he's too tired to think of ideas to put into my writing and then I get mad and.... it's just not a good thing. But when I need Todd most, he's right there waiting and he gets the job done. So I love him for it!
As always, thanks to my beta-reader Scott, who's hard work amd consistant effort has resulted in this fic. Thank you so much, Scott.
Warning: There is some foul language in this chapter. But it's R rated so it shouldn't be a problem for my trusty readers.
XOXOXOX
Chapter 5
*** There is freedom within, there is freedom without. Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup. There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost. But you'll never see the end of the road while you're travelling with me.
Crowded House, Don't Dream It's Over. ***
I tried to open my eyes but everything was blurry. My head was spinning and my wrists hurt for a reason my mind could not grasp. When the blurriness began to fade, I immediatly wished it hadn't. As I looked around, my eyes took in the dirty, dripping walls. I could hear dripping echoing all around me. And as my eyes adjusted to the dark better, I realised that I was most definitely in a dungeon. As soon as the thought registered in my mind, I tried to flail my arms and legs - only I found that I couldn't. That was when I realised I was chained to a wall by my wrists.
A cold, huge blast of sudden panic came over me and, had I been standing it would have knocked over. I breathed in and out for many minutes, trying to calm myself. There were plenty of reasons why I could be locked down in a dungeon, chained to a wall by my wrists. Perhaps someone had invited me to a tea party and they'd playfully tied me up while fetching some more biscuits.
A tear rolled down my cheek. Why had I been taken hostage like this? Was I the only one? Would I ever see daylight again? Would I ever see my friends and family again? Where was the person who had captured me? When would they be down? More importantly, what would they do when they got down?
I was so desperate to be saved I wondered if I should maybe.... pray. To God. But... did I believe in God? I wasn't sure. Why would God make me suffer like this all the time? Why? I had to know.
"God, if there is a God," I spoke aloud, my voice cracking a bit, "I have to wonder why the hell you make me suffer like this. Did I mess up or something? Must I always be in pain? Does everything and everyone I live for have to disist? If you're really there, God, then just listen for a minute. I don't really care what happens to me anymore. But for my family's sake..... show them mercy. They've been through enough." I was choking on my tears. "Please God. Show my friends mercy. Hermione and Fred and Ginny. And Harry. Especially Harry. He has enough burden, why must you bear him with more? Please..... show all of them mercy. And God..... just..... why am I here? If all I'm here for is to suffer, then why make me here at all? Just kill me, God. Kill me right now." Then I wiped away the tears (it was rather difficult seeing as my wrists were chained tot he wall) and lay my head back against the wall.
I lay there for what felt like ten hours but was probably only ten minutes, thinking about what I would do next. I didn't have my wand with me. What was I going to do?!
"Ron?" whispered a very raspy voice to my right. I jolted out of my thoughts and turned sharply to face my right. Harry was sitting there, in basically the same way I was, his eyes shut firmly.
"Harry..." I said, vastly confused, for none of it made sense, "why are you here?"
"I don't know, I've only been chained down here as long as you have," he replied. I couldn't believe his sarcasm.
"Shut up," I answered simply and he did indeed. About a minute later I remembered that I'd spoken my "prayer" out loud. "Um.... did you here anything I said before?"
"Oh.... only all of it," Harry replied.
"Fuck." Harry laughed a short derisive laugh that didn't suit him. It frightened me a bit, "It's not fucking funny!" Harry laughed more.
"Sure it is. You go asking God to show me mercy, yet you want him to kill you. That's pretty damn hilarious in my opinion," Harry said and finallly opened his eyes. They were a blazing emerald green and I was taken aback by their strong color.
"I wasn't asking your opinion," I murmured and another tear rolled down my cheek.
What if whomever had captured us, was just going to leave us down here and let us starve to death? The thought scared me so much I even considered talking to Harry again. But I didn't feel much like being mocked. Maybe it was a stupid prayer, but I hadn't heard Harry praying at all. Forgetting my ode of silence, I spoke.
"I think -" The door to the dungeon banged open and in walked a masked person holding a bundle of cothes. The person walked right over and unchained the holdings around Harry's and my wrists.
"You can try and run," the man said, seeing the way I glanced at the door, "but there are many other men out there armed and dangerous. Go ahead." He pointed to the door.
"I wasn't going to leave," I answered.
"Good." The man unrolled the two bundles of cloth and I saw that they were robes. "The Dark Lord wants his guests looking good. You will wear these robes to greet him. Put them on and then we will go and see him. You will be joining him for dinner." Harry and I exchanged a glance that shared the same amount of panic in it. I picked up the robe and slowly pulled it on, after stripping myself of the former ones. Harry did the same. "Follow me." He then escorted us down three corridors and stopped outside a pair of doors.
"You will show the Dark Lord respect," the man said, looking mostly at Harry.
"Are you incapable of speaking your own master's name?" Harry hissed. The man raised his hand and struck Harry across the face.
"Hey!" I shouted, "don't touch him!"
"Quiet. You will not yell in here. Now come," he ordered and opened the doors. He shoved us inside and followed after, closing the doors behind him.
"Ah...." said a voice from the head of the table and as I slowly locked my eyes on the person, I just about fainted from shock, "lovely to have you two here. Take a seat over here," he said and patted the seats beside him. Harry, who was still holding his hand to his face, walked over and plopped himself down in the chair. I stared around the room, taking in the faces sitting around the table. I recognized a few of them. Nott, McNair, Avery, the Lestranges.... I jumped in shock. They were supposed to be in Azkaban. Snape was sitting next to Harry. Crabbe, Goyle and Lucius Malfoy..... and sitting right beside my empty spot was none other than Draco Malfoy.
"You," I said and my eyes flared with hatred. Young Malfoy said nothing, but glared defiantly back. It was a glaring contest.
"Sit down," Voldemort said again, and I shook my head, "sit down now!" I sat. I stared around the room. What were Harry and I going to do? My head still pounded from getting knocked out earlier and I wished someone could fix it. I wasn't going to mention it, though.
"Welcome..... it's so lovely to have you here, Harry," Voldemort said disdainfully, smiling at him, "why don't you introduce your friend to us." I could tell it wasn't a question. I started, as the entire room fixed their eyes on me. Harry did nothing at all. He just sat where he was, staring at the table. "Now Harry. Is that any way to treat your host? Ignoring them?" Still nothing.
"Master... perhaps he was never taught about showing their superiors proper etiquitte," said one of the many Death Eaters around the table. I frowned.
"Perhaps. Introduce your friend, Harry." I was getting slightly anxious. Why wasn't Harry speaking to Voldemort? Wasn't he shaking in his boots, like I was, "I see. Well then... what's your name, boy?" I was terrified, then. I was positive Voldemort knew who I was. He wouldn't have kidnapped me if he hadn't known my identity. But it scared me. What would Voldemort do if I didn't answer him?
"What's this? Some sort of unspoken promise of kept silence?" He fixed his stare on me. I shivered. His crimson eyes were hard to look at, "You boy. Do you know what the Cruciatus Curse is?" I swallowed the lump in my throat but it simply went back into place.
"Yes," I answered and Voldemort looked pleased.
"Would you like to have it cast upon you?" he demanded. I said nothing, "I doubted it. Your dinner is served." A moment later, every guest had a plate of food in front of them. "Are you going to eat this?" he asked me.
"No," I answered.
"Why not?"
"You might have poisoned it," I replied. Voldemort smiled.
"But you know I didn't, don't you?" he spoke, his voice not wavering even slightly, "Tell me your name." I sighed.
"Ron Weasley." If this was torture, then it wasn't so bad.
"And this is most definitely not torture," he said and I shuddered, "eat you two.... you have a big day ahead of you." I almost cried right there. I was so scared my hands were shaking. I picked up my fork and put a bit of the food in my mouth, shaking all the while. I was not at all hungry. I pushed the plate away from me and leaned back in my chair.
"Not hungry?" Voldemort asked, seeing my hardly touched food.
"No," I answered.
"Eat while you have the strength, young man. For there will come a time when you won't have the oppurtunity. Eat it now." I shook my head. "Crucio."
It felt like a thousand stabbing knives all over my body. The hot searing pain burned my skin and made me clench the table with my hands. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me, for this was not as painful as I had feared it would be. It kind of scared me. Why wasn't a writhing in pain? Suddenly the feeling was lifted off of me and I was able to sit up straight again. Why hadn't it felt like I was dying? The other people in the room obviously wondered that too, for they were staring at Voldemort, looking for answers. But I wasn't looking at Voldemort, I was looking at Harry. And he was looking at me with a question look on his face. I shrugged, for I had no idea why I wasn't so horribly affected.
"Well then...." Voldemort said, "if you're not going to eat then you'll be sent back to the dungeons." I stared into Voldemort's eyes. For some reason I felt like I had strength enough to stand up to Voldemort. "Right. Take him back to the dungeons." Weren't they taking me with Harry? No. I got scared then. I got so scared I began to eat my food.
"Very good," Voldemort said and laughed so loud it echoed around the room. I could feel a shiver run down my spine. Suddenly all the Death Eaters began to laugh and the sound terrified me beyond belief. Glancing over at Harry, I could see he was just as scared. "Now let us begin with the ritual. Say your full name, age and what you've done properly since our last meeting. Our guests will be most interested to hear these things. As we know, it's been a very long time since we had a meeting. Before Christmas. So you better have done somehting helpful." I looked up and saw the Death Eaters looking rather uncomfortable, "Crabbe can start." I listened intently.
"My name is Vincent Michael Crabbe. I am forty-three years old. I am the one who killed all those muggles in the Muggle Orphanage," the man said, wringing his hands over his food.
"Very good," Voldemort said and Crabbe looked triumphantly at the people around him, "Goyle."
"My name is Johnathan Goyle. I am forty-five years old. Since our last meeting, I have been coaxing my son to become a Death Eater."
"Not good enough, Goyle," Voldemort said and Goyle bent his head low.
"Lucius," Voldemort said, turning his gaze on Malfoy.
"My name is Lucius Harod Malfoy and I am thirty-seven years old. I was the one who killed the mudblood at Hogwarts, Dennis Creevey, which resulted in the suicide of Colin Creevey. I also killed....." and his eyes slowly fell on me, "George Weasley. But I believe we are already aware of that." And Lucius' mouth tucked into a wide smirk. Voldemort laughed and continued on around the table.
Rage such as I had never felt in my life swelled inside me. I could feel my blood boiling, bubbling inside my veins. My hands were shaking so much they shook the table, which they held onto with a vice-like grip. My knuckles were snow-white. I was seeing red. I was so angry, tears were actually in my eyes. Suddenly the plate in front of Lucis shattered into a million pieces, which cut into Lucius' face and arms. In any normal curcumstance, I would have realized what I'd just done and tried to calm down. But right now, I was so angry, there was no stopping me. The plates in front of Crabbe and Goyle quickly erupted, then one by one, the rest of them did. Except for mine and Harry's.
There was utter silence. Every face around the table was bleeding freely. Except Voldemort's and mine and Harry's. I didn't bother to wonder why Voldemort wasn't cut up, I just stared at my plate. I was still very angry.
"Well, well, well," Voldemort said and I could feel his gaze on me. I slowly looked up, "we have a powerful wizard on our hands. Two powerful wizards on our hands," he said directing his attention to Harry. "Tell me. How has your year been?"
"Grand," Harry muttered, but loud enough for the table to hear. I wished I could calm myself down, but my breathing was coming in short bursts of breath.
"I do not like being talked to in that tone. Take them both back to the dungoens, right now. You're all dismissed. After dinner, I'd like to speak with Malfoy and Snape," Voldemort said. It was suprising how everyone moved in automatic timing to Voldemort's requests. Everyone was beginning to the leave the room when Voldemort spoke again.
"Excuse me. I meant the younger Malfoy." Draco was just leaving the hall as he said that but he came back into the room to hear what Voldemort wanted to say. Lucius gave them a surrepticious glance and then left the room with a swish of his cloak, "take these two out of the hall, please." A guard grabbed Harry by the elbow but when he reached for me I pulled away.
"Don't touch me with your filthy hands," I growled and the man actually took a step away from me. A moment later, though, he grabbed for my elbow again and steered me out of the hall anyway. He led us back into the dungeones and chained us up against the wall, although this time he had a lot of trouble because I kept trying to fight him off. He finally got me chained to the wall and then he left the dungeon, slamming the door behind him.
Harry and I sat in silence for what seemed like for ever, until he finally spoke.
"Can I ask you a question?" he asked, his voice cracking a fair bit.
"Don't have much of a choice do I?" I answered but turned by head so I would hear him better.
"I've been really wondering stuff lately. I'd like to know what you think."
"Shoot," I said and I was sure, even though it was pitch black, that he was grinding his teeth.
"Do you believe in Heaven? And Hell?" he asked and I was so taken aback I didn't answer for several minutes, "Ron?"
"I'm still here," I said, half jokingly, half not.
"Well then, answer my question," Harry said, "Do you believe in Heaven and Hell?"
"Well...." I began and stopped a moment to think about it. I came up with an answer about thirty seconds later, "I believe in Heaven. But not Hell."
"What's Heaven like?" Harry asked quietly. I sighed. Then I answered.
"It's that moment where you're swimming and you're kicking and spreading your arms out, trying to get to the surface, and just when you think you won't make it, you break the surface. It's that beautiful intake of fresh air. When you feel like your lungs are going to burst.... but.... they don't. It's a feeling, I guess. A feeling of refuge. I guess it's somewhere I feel safe." Then I closed my mouth and swallowed.
Harry didn't answer for a little while. So I thought maybe he'd gone to sleep. But all of a sudden he spoke and it startled me.
"Why don't you believe in hell?" he asked.
"I don't know," I answered.
"Yes you do. You're smart Ron. Whether you like to admit it. You have an answer for lots of things. Just tell me why you don't believe in hell. And tell me why you think you won't go to hell," he ordered.
"No," I answered flatly.
"Tell me!"
"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed and it echoed all around the dungeons.
"No. Tell me why you don't think you're gonna go to hell!"
"You want to know why? You want to know why?!" I screamed shrilly and pulled my wrists away from the wall so fast and hard it was painful, "because I'm already there!"
"What?" Harry asked.
"This is my hell," I answered quietly, just loud enough for him to hear me. I didn't talk again for many hours.
*Crickets chirp* Um... what did you think? I know... I'm so mean. But just you wait..... it gets much worse. Long hours of torture are ahead. Bear with Ron and Harry as they struggle to keep their sanity. I'll stop now before I give the entire chapter away. Anyways, thanks to all who reviewed! You people are so great.
Song Identification: Don't Dream It's Over by Crowded House. My parents go married to this song. My Mum and Dad have this huge music collection. They're classic rockers. So I know about all those really old songs and bands most teens don't like or have never heard of. If you've heard of this song or this band, let me know, it's nice to find yet another person who has old parents. LOL! Anyways, I think this song really projects my story. So yeah. That's all.
-Tine
Rating: R. It'll get extremely dark in upcoming chapters. Lots of angst. Suicide, death, and much more. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations in this story belong to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Warner Bros. The writer is making no money off of it and does not claim ownership over it. And other citations will be made where necassary.
Dedication: I'm dedicating this to JK Rowling, who's imagination and amazing mind has put together an incredible story that has inspired me to write this fanfic. Please don't sue me Joanne, I do not claim to own this, for my mind could never compare to yours. Thanks for helping me decide where I want to go in life.
Author's Note: Well here's fifth chapter. I wrote this for two days straight. I swear. I just wrote and wrote and wrote. And then I had tons of beta-reading to do. You guys are totally awesome! Now you have fun reading this chapter. Ten reviews is a lot for me. I'm very thankful to all of the people who have given me feedback. I hope to get more than just a few reviews for this chapter! Hope you enjoy it. You probably won't because this is chock-full of horrible angst. But try to anways.
Thanks to my muse, Todd. Although, those times when he decided to stay up all night partying and getting drunk off his ass, didn't help me one bit. Because then he's too tired to think of ideas to put into my writing and then I get mad and.... it's just not a good thing. But when I need Todd most, he's right there waiting and he gets the job done. So I love him for it!
As always, thanks to my beta-reader Scott, who's hard work amd consistant effort has resulted in this fic. Thank you so much, Scott.
Warning: There is some foul language in this chapter. But it's R rated so it shouldn't be a problem for my trusty readers.
XOXOXOX
Chapter 5
*** There is freedom within, there is freedom without. Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup. There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost. But you'll never see the end of the road while you're travelling with me.
Crowded House, Don't Dream It's Over. ***
I tried to open my eyes but everything was blurry. My head was spinning and my wrists hurt for a reason my mind could not grasp. When the blurriness began to fade, I immediatly wished it hadn't. As I looked around, my eyes took in the dirty, dripping walls. I could hear dripping echoing all around me. And as my eyes adjusted to the dark better, I realised that I was most definitely in a dungeon. As soon as the thought registered in my mind, I tried to flail my arms and legs - only I found that I couldn't. That was when I realised I was chained to a wall by my wrists.
A cold, huge blast of sudden panic came over me and, had I been standing it would have knocked over. I breathed in and out for many minutes, trying to calm myself. There were plenty of reasons why I could be locked down in a dungeon, chained to a wall by my wrists. Perhaps someone had invited me to a tea party and they'd playfully tied me up while fetching some more biscuits.
A tear rolled down my cheek. Why had I been taken hostage like this? Was I the only one? Would I ever see daylight again? Would I ever see my friends and family again? Where was the person who had captured me? When would they be down? More importantly, what would they do when they got down?
I was so desperate to be saved I wondered if I should maybe.... pray. To God. But... did I believe in God? I wasn't sure. Why would God make me suffer like this all the time? Why? I had to know.
"God, if there is a God," I spoke aloud, my voice cracking a bit, "I have to wonder why the hell you make me suffer like this. Did I mess up or something? Must I always be in pain? Does everything and everyone I live for have to disist? If you're really there, God, then just listen for a minute. I don't really care what happens to me anymore. But for my family's sake..... show them mercy. They've been through enough." I was choking on my tears. "Please God. Show my friends mercy. Hermione and Fred and Ginny. And Harry. Especially Harry. He has enough burden, why must you bear him with more? Please..... show all of them mercy. And God..... just..... why am I here? If all I'm here for is to suffer, then why make me here at all? Just kill me, God. Kill me right now." Then I wiped away the tears (it was rather difficult seeing as my wrists were chained tot he wall) and lay my head back against the wall.
I lay there for what felt like ten hours but was probably only ten minutes, thinking about what I would do next. I didn't have my wand with me. What was I going to do?!
"Ron?" whispered a very raspy voice to my right. I jolted out of my thoughts and turned sharply to face my right. Harry was sitting there, in basically the same way I was, his eyes shut firmly.
"Harry..." I said, vastly confused, for none of it made sense, "why are you here?"
"I don't know, I've only been chained down here as long as you have," he replied. I couldn't believe his sarcasm.
"Shut up," I answered simply and he did indeed. About a minute later I remembered that I'd spoken my "prayer" out loud. "Um.... did you here anything I said before?"
"Oh.... only all of it," Harry replied.
"Fuck." Harry laughed a short derisive laugh that didn't suit him. It frightened me a bit, "It's not fucking funny!" Harry laughed more.
"Sure it is. You go asking God to show me mercy, yet you want him to kill you. That's pretty damn hilarious in my opinion," Harry said and finallly opened his eyes. They were a blazing emerald green and I was taken aback by their strong color.
"I wasn't asking your opinion," I murmured and another tear rolled down my cheek.
What if whomever had captured us, was just going to leave us down here and let us starve to death? The thought scared me so much I even considered talking to Harry again. But I didn't feel much like being mocked. Maybe it was a stupid prayer, but I hadn't heard Harry praying at all. Forgetting my ode of silence, I spoke.
"I think -" The door to the dungeon banged open and in walked a masked person holding a bundle of cothes. The person walked right over and unchained the holdings around Harry's and my wrists.
"You can try and run," the man said, seeing the way I glanced at the door, "but there are many other men out there armed and dangerous. Go ahead." He pointed to the door.
"I wasn't going to leave," I answered.
"Good." The man unrolled the two bundles of cloth and I saw that they were robes. "The Dark Lord wants his guests looking good. You will wear these robes to greet him. Put them on and then we will go and see him. You will be joining him for dinner." Harry and I exchanged a glance that shared the same amount of panic in it. I picked up the robe and slowly pulled it on, after stripping myself of the former ones. Harry did the same. "Follow me." He then escorted us down three corridors and stopped outside a pair of doors.
"You will show the Dark Lord respect," the man said, looking mostly at Harry.
"Are you incapable of speaking your own master's name?" Harry hissed. The man raised his hand and struck Harry across the face.
"Hey!" I shouted, "don't touch him!"
"Quiet. You will not yell in here. Now come," he ordered and opened the doors. He shoved us inside and followed after, closing the doors behind him.
"Ah...." said a voice from the head of the table and as I slowly locked my eyes on the person, I just about fainted from shock, "lovely to have you two here. Take a seat over here," he said and patted the seats beside him. Harry, who was still holding his hand to his face, walked over and plopped himself down in the chair. I stared around the room, taking in the faces sitting around the table. I recognized a few of them. Nott, McNair, Avery, the Lestranges.... I jumped in shock. They were supposed to be in Azkaban. Snape was sitting next to Harry. Crabbe, Goyle and Lucius Malfoy..... and sitting right beside my empty spot was none other than Draco Malfoy.
"You," I said and my eyes flared with hatred. Young Malfoy said nothing, but glared defiantly back. It was a glaring contest.
"Sit down," Voldemort said again, and I shook my head, "sit down now!" I sat. I stared around the room. What were Harry and I going to do? My head still pounded from getting knocked out earlier and I wished someone could fix it. I wasn't going to mention it, though.
"Welcome..... it's so lovely to have you here, Harry," Voldemort said disdainfully, smiling at him, "why don't you introduce your friend to us." I could tell it wasn't a question. I started, as the entire room fixed their eyes on me. Harry did nothing at all. He just sat where he was, staring at the table. "Now Harry. Is that any way to treat your host? Ignoring them?" Still nothing.
"Master... perhaps he was never taught about showing their superiors proper etiquitte," said one of the many Death Eaters around the table. I frowned.
"Perhaps. Introduce your friend, Harry." I was getting slightly anxious. Why wasn't Harry speaking to Voldemort? Wasn't he shaking in his boots, like I was, "I see. Well then... what's your name, boy?" I was terrified, then. I was positive Voldemort knew who I was. He wouldn't have kidnapped me if he hadn't known my identity. But it scared me. What would Voldemort do if I didn't answer him?
"What's this? Some sort of unspoken promise of kept silence?" He fixed his stare on me. I shivered. His crimson eyes were hard to look at, "You boy. Do you know what the Cruciatus Curse is?" I swallowed the lump in my throat but it simply went back into place.
"Yes," I answered and Voldemort looked pleased.
"Would you like to have it cast upon you?" he demanded. I said nothing, "I doubted it. Your dinner is served." A moment later, every guest had a plate of food in front of them. "Are you going to eat this?" he asked me.
"No," I answered.
"Why not?"
"You might have poisoned it," I replied. Voldemort smiled.
"But you know I didn't, don't you?" he spoke, his voice not wavering even slightly, "Tell me your name." I sighed.
"Ron Weasley." If this was torture, then it wasn't so bad.
"And this is most definitely not torture," he said and I shuddered, "eat you two.... you have a big day ahead of you." I almost cried right there. I was so scared my hands were shaking. I picked up my fork and put a bit of the food in my mouth, shaking all the while. I was not at all hungry. I pushed the plate away from me and leaned back in my chair.
"Not hungry?" Voldemort asked, seeing my hardly touched food.
"No," I answered.
"Eat while you have the strength, young man. For there will come a time when you won't have the oppurtunity. Eat it now." I shook my head. "Crucio."
It felt like a thousand stabbing knives all over my body. The hot searing pain burned my skin and made me clench the table with my hands. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me, for this was not as painful as I had feared it would be. It kind of scared me. Why wasn't a writhing in pain? Suddenly the feeling was lifted off of me and I was able to sit up straight again. Why hadn't it felt like I was dying? The other people in the room obviously wondered that too, for they were staring at Voldemort, looking for answers. But I wasn't looking at Voldemort, I was looking at Harry. And he was looking at me with a question look on his face. I shrugged, for I had no idea why I wasn't so horribly affected.
"Well then...." Voldemort said, "if you're not going to eat then you'll be sent back to the dungeons." I stared into Voldemort's eyes. For some reason I felt like I had strength enough to stand up to Voldemort. "Right. Take him back to the dungeons." Weren't they taking me with Harry? No. I got scared then. I got so scared I began to eat my food.
"Very good," Voldemort said and laughed so loud it echoed around the room. I could feel a shiver run down my spine. Suddenly all the Death Eaters began to laugh and the sound terrified me beyond belief. Glancing over at Harry, I could see he was just as scared. "Now let us begin with the ritual. Say your full name, age and what you've done properly since our last meeting. Our guests will be most interested to hear these things. As we know, it's been a very long time since we had a meeting. Before Christmas. So you better have done somehting helpful." I looked up and saw the Death Eaters looking rather uncomfortable, "Crabbe can start." I listened intently.
"My name is Vincent Michael Crabbe. I am forty-three years old. I am the one who killed all those muggles in the Muggle Orphanage," the man said, wringing his hands over his food.
"Very good," Voldemort said and Crabbe looked triumphantly at the people around him, "Goyle."
"My name is Johnathan Goyle. I am forty-five years old. Since our last meeting, I have been coaxing my son to become a Death Eater."
"Not good enough, Goyle," Voldemort said and Goyle bent his head low.
"Lucius," Voldemort said, turning his gaze on Malfoy.
"My name is Lucius Harod Malfoy and I am thirty-seven years old. I was the one who killed the mudblood at Hogwarts, Dennis Creevey, which resulted in the suicide of Colin Creevey. I also killed....." and his eyes slowly fell on me, "George Weasley. But I believe we are already aware of that." And Lucius' mouth tucked into a wide smirk. Voldemort laughed and continued on around the table.
Rage such as I had never felt in my life swelled inside me. I could feel my blood boiling, bubbling inside my veins. My hands were shaking so much they shook the table, which they held onto with a vice-like grip. My knuckles were snow-white. I was seeing red. I was so angry, tears were actually in my eyes. Suddenly the plate in front of Lucis shattered into a million pieces, which cut into Lucius' face and arms. In any normal curcumstance, I would have realized what I'd just done and tried to calm down. But right now, I was so angry, there was no stopping me. The plates in front of Crabbe and Goyle quickly erupted, then one by one, the rest of them did. Except for mine and Harry's.
There was utter silence. Every face around the table was bleeding freely. Except Voldemort's and mine and Harry's. I didn't bother to wonder why Voldemort wasn't cut up, I just stared at my plate. I was still very angry.
"Well, well, well," Voldemort said and I could feel his gaze on me. I slowly looked up, "we have a powerful wizard on our hands. Two powerful wizards on our hands," he said directing his attention to Harry. "Tell me. How has your year been?"
"Grand," Harry muttered, but loud enough for the table to hear. I wished I could calm myself down, but my breathing was coming in short bursts of breath.
"I do not like being talked to in that tone. Take them both back to the dungoens, right now. You're all dismissed. After dinner, I'd like to speak with Malfoy and Snape," Voldemort said. It was suprising how everyone moved in automatic timing to Voldemort's requests. Everyone was beginning to the leave the room when Voldemort spoke again.
"Excuse me. I meant the younger Malfoy." Draco was just leaving the hall as he said that but he came back into the room to hear what Voldemort wanted to say. Lucius gave them a surrepticious glance and then left the room with a swish of his cloak, "take these two out of the hall, please." A guard grabbed Harry by the elbow but when he reached for me I pulled away.
"Don't touch me with your filthy hands," I growled and the man actually took a step away from me. A moment later, though, he grabbed for my elbow again and steered me out of the hall anyway. He led us back into the dungeones and chained us up against the wall, although this time he had a lot of trouble because I kept trying to fight him off. He finally got me chained to the wall and then he left the dungeon, slamming the door behind him.
Harry and I sat in silence for what seemed like for ever, until he finally spoke.
"Can I ask you a question?" he asked, his voice cracking a fair bit.
"Don't have much of a choice do I?" I answered but turned by head so I would hear him better.
"I've been really wondering stuff lately. I'd like to know what you think."
"Shoot," I said and I was sure, even though it was pitch black, that he was grinding his teeth.
"Do you believe in Heaven? And Hell?" he asked and I was so taken aback I didn't answer for several minutes, "Ron?"
"I'm still here," I said, half jokingly, half not.
"Well then, answer my question," Harry said, "Do you believe in Heaven and Hell?"
"Well...." I began and stopped a moment to think about it. I came up with an answer about thirty seconds later, "I believe in Heaven. But not Hell."
"What's Heaven like?" Harry asked quietly. I sighed. Then I answered.
"It's that moment where you're swimming and you're kicking and spreading your arms out, trying to get to the surface, and just when you think you won't make it, you break the surface. It's that beautiful intake of fresh air. When you feel like your lungs are going to burst.... but.... they don't. It's a feeling, I guess. A feeling of refuge. I guess it's somewhere I feel safe." Then I closed my mouth and swallowed.
Harry didn't answer for a little while. So I thought maybe he'd gone to sleep. But all of a sudden he spoke and it startled me.
"Why don't you believe in hell?" he asked.
"I don't know," I answered.
"Yes you do. You're smart Ron. Whether you like to admit it. You have an answer for lots of things. Just tell me why you don't believe in hell. And tell me why you think you won't go to hell," he ordered.
"No," I answered flatly.
"Tell me!"
"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed and it echoed all around the dungeons.
"No. Tell me why you don't think you're gonna go to hell!"
"You want to know why? You want to know why?!" I screamed shrilly and pulled my wrists away from the wall so fast and hard it was painful, "because I'm already there!"
"What?" Harry asked.
"This is my hell," I answered quietly, just loud enough for him to hear me. I didn't talk again for many hours.
*Crickets chirp* Um... what did you think? I know... I'm so mean. But just you wait..... it gets much worse. Long hours of torture are ahead. Bear with Ron and Harry as they struggle to keep their sanity. I'll stop now before I give the entire chapter away. Anyways, thanks to all who reviewed! You people are so great.
Song Identification: Don't Dream It's Over by Crowded House. My parents go married to this song. My Mum and Dad have this huge music collection. They're classic rockers. So I know about all those really old songs and bands most teens don't like or have never heard of. If you've heard of this song or this band, let me know, it's nice to find yet another person who has old parents. LOL! Anyways, I think this song really projects my story. So yeah. That's all.
-Tine