Summary: Have you ever wanted to take your own life? Not
just think about it, but seriously really consider it, turn it
over in your mind. Ron does so every day. But can he
actually do it? He's the middle pillar holding up a tall
building and if he were to cease existince, so would everyone
else. But does Ron know that?
Rating: R. It'll get extremely dark in upcoming chapters. Lots of angst. Suicide, death, and much more. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations in this story belong to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Warner Bros. The writer is making no money off of it and does not claim ownership over it. Any other citations will be made where necassary.
Dedication: I'm dedicating this to JK Rowling, who's imagination and amazing mind has put together an incredible story that has inspired me to write this fanfic. Please don't sue me Joanne, I do not claim to own this, for my mind could never compare to yours. Thanks for helping me decide where I want to go in life.
Author's Note: Yo! here's the next chapter. I'm trying to put these out as fast as I can, but I'm being over-whelmed with Homework all of a sudden. You people: Aww man!!! Yeah, yeah I know. Homework is the biggest problem in my life. I'm limited to less hours of writing time than usual. That's why I love the summer. It's a time to really catch up on my writing and reading! Once again, thanks for the reviews. I adore them!
Thanks to my muse Todd. He'd like to say something here, but I won't let him. So he's gonna have a looooooong speech to deliver at the end of this story. It'll be interesting, so look it over.
To Scott. You're the best beta-reader ever. Or at least for me!
XOXOXOX
Chapter 6
**** All these places have their moments, When love is with friends, I still can't recall. Some are dead and some ar eliving. In my life, I've loved them all.
The Beatles, In My Life ****
Many hours later, the dungeon door opened and in walked three cloaked persons. Two of them were carrying wands and had enchanted them with the Lumos spell. A moment later, I realized it was Snape and Draco. I was kind of worried now. I recoiled from the light.
"Severus, Draco," The third person was Voldemort, "I have brought you down here to do a very honourable task. Many would die for it! Some have. But tonight you get to do it without even grovelling at my feet. You get to torture these two boys." I felt Harry stiffen at my right and I knew I was doing the same. I stared at the faces of my Potions professor and my hated enemy. Were they really going to torture us? Oh, God.
"It is an honour, my Lord!" Snape said, and dropped to his feet in front of Voldemort. He kissed the hem of his master's robes and then got to his feet before him. Draco did so as well, only with seemingly less arrrogance. I was so scared my heart was beating painfully in my chest. It seemed to bounce against my ribcage. But I tried to look like I had not been fazed by this. Harry looked like he wasn't but the hands above his head were quivering, as were mine.
"Yes master," Draco said, "it is wonderful to get such respect from you!"
"Yes it is. Now I will stand here and watch you torture them. Go on," Voldemort said and the expressions on their faces changed drastically. They looked a little..... worried? The moment passed and they slowly stepped forward, as though one, and raised their wands. Snape stepped toward Harry and Draco toward me. I braced myself. Draco was the son of a fully- fledged Death Eater. Suddenly, he cast the Cruciatus Curse on me and I cringed in pain. But that's all. Next to me, Harry was screaming, although I could tell he was trying not to. When it stopped, Harry was panting heavily. Voldemort laughed an evil, horrible laugh.
"Continue." Malfoy cast a curse on me which I did not hear. But that soon didn't matter in the least for the pain was much too endearing. It was like I could actually feel a small dagger running down my stomach and into my gut. When it stopped, the pain was so bad it stung for many moments. Next to me, Harry was gasping, moaning, screaming and even crying. I wanted to reach over and gather his hand into mine, but it was still chained above my head.
Another curse, which was much worse than the last one. It felt like my whole body was on fire and even when Draco had taken it off I lay there for at least five minutes, moaning and gasping for air. All the while, I could hear Voldemort's laughter. When the pain subsided slightly, I straightened up and focused on Malfoy. I was surprised at what I saw. He was shaking. Shaking so hard he lost grip of his wand and it fell to the floor in front of my feet. Had I been functioning properly and if I'd had any strangth whatsoever, I would have kicked it across the room. But I was so out of it, I just ignored it completely. Draco bent down to pick up his wand and just before he got to his feet again he whispered, "I'm sorry."
I was so shocked I forgot about the pain I was in. What did he mean? What was he sorry for? I had very little time to think about, for next moment, Draco had put another curse on me. This one was different from all the rest. There was no physical pain. Only emotional. Instead of feeling actual pain, I began to remember past events in my life that had ever made me sad or depressed.
Breaking my leg when I was five and no one coming outside to find out why I was screaming. Getting an award in my second year at Hogwarts for saving Ginny and helping Harry to fend off Tom Riddle. I remember how Dad didn't even thank me and just worried about Ginny all summer. I remembered how in my fourth year when Harry came back from the night of the Third Task looking like he'd been tortured to the point of insanity, yet not being able to do a thing about it. I remembered Fred's dreadful words the night George died. I remembered that moment when I realized I would never be free from this horrible depression. I remembered Dumbledore announcing that Dennis Creevey was dead. The look of utter horror on Colin's face. That moment of understanding between us when I saw him in the corridor the next day. The last time I saw him before he topped himself.
All those things were worse than physical pain. It was like somebody was pinching me when I thought I was dreaming. Only this time, I had never dreamt. Not before any of this had happened, not during, not even now. This moment, out of all the moments I'd had in my life, was the only real one I wished had never, ever happened. With George's death, it was like it had never really been true. Someone had played a sick, cruel joke on me. But now, that joke had become reality. And that moment of realisation was even worse than the moment Fred's mouth formed the words "George... dead."
I began to cry. Worse than I had in my entire life. I began to cry hysterically. I bent my head as far as it would go and just cried. My tears echoed around the dungeons and they clashed horribly with the hysterical laughter coming from Voldemort. What a strange mix. Hysterical laughter and hysterical tears. It made me feel so cold. The tears just streaked down my face. I must have cried like that for at least an hour. It felt like that anyway. The whole time Voldemort laughed. I could hear Harry still moaning in pain and it made me cry even harder. Draco was standing in front of me and after what felt like hours of crying he finally lifted the curse off me.
But I kept crying anyway. I think it must have scared Draco, for he lost his composition completely. He dropped his wand and began to perspire wildly. It was weird. I could hear and see everything around me perfectly, even through my tears.
"Thank you, you two. I'll leave you down here and then you can carry on with the torture that you handle so wonderfully," Voldemort said, turned on his heel and walked out the dungeon door, closing it with a snap behind him.
The snap created a million things at once. I began to cry even harder. It felt like that snap had sent my life for ever into emotional turmoil. From then on, every time I'd hear a door shut I would think, shuddering something mad, about Voldemort's disembarkment. The way he just did it like every single day was yet another day of work. For him.... that was probably just it.
Besides the fact that I cried harder, Snape and Draco both stopped what they were doing and immediatly reached for each other. It was strange. It shocked me so much, I stopped crying. Then, shocking me out of porportion, I heard one of them crying. Crying like I'd just been. And I knew right away, that it was Draco crying. They stood there for a long time and when they finally seperated, Draco's eyes were so swollen they seemed to pop out of their sockets. I knew that's what I must have looked like.
Harry just sat there panting. I got kind of worried after a little while. What had happened to him? Why was he panting like he'd been running a million kilometers. I tried to ignore it, but it seemed to stand out in the silence alll around. It felt absolutely horrible.
There was a long silence then. When Snape spoke I actually started.
"We didn't want to do that." The way he said it..... God, it sounded so true. But how could it be? How could the two of them torture two people and not want to do it?! Neither Harry nor I spoke so he continued. "We've been working for Dumbledore. As spies. You have no idea how hard that was for us."
"I -" Draco began and Harry and I both looked up at the same time. "I'm sorry." I stared at him, but I still didn't say anything. "Say something!" He shouted it so loud It hurt my eardrums.
"What do you want me to say?" I shouted even louder.
"Tell me it's okay!" Draco said, quietly.
"It's not," I answered flatly. Draco looked like he'd been slapped across the face.
"Oh God. What have I done?" Draco demanded of Snape, turning to look at him, "Voldemort made us do it because he knew we were traitors! Goddammit, I'm gonna need serious psycology for this." And he sounded completely serious.
"Of course he knew. He's not a fool," Snape said and it was dripping with sarcasm, "and he left us down here to do more. But we won't. We'll unlock you two. We've got a Portkey with us. We'll use it to get back to Hogwarts."
"Do you expect us to believe you?" I asked.
"You've got no choice," Snape said and he stepped forward again with his wand in the air. Only this time he whispered an unlocking spell.
The moment those binds were off, I jumped up and punched him square in the face. He staggered. The second my fist made contact with it, his nose broke and began to bleed.
"How can you torture an innocent person?" I demanded of him, and then turned on Malfoy. If I'd had a wand with me, I probably would have killed him on the spot. But instead, I said something that would probably remain in his memory for ever:
"You're just like your father."
That one sentence seemed to break his whole world and all of a sudden he grabbed Snape's hand and spun him around so that Snape was facing him.
"Fucking hell!" Draco yelled and began hitting Snape, wherever he could find a place unprotected. Surprisingly, although nothing should surprise me now, Snape did nothing to stop it. He let the biased attack on himself continue, as though it wasn't really happening. "Why did we do this? We could have fought with the other side. Why did we have to do it this particular way? Why did I have to torture someone? It's fucking horrible! Why did Voldemort make us do this? Why does he get his kicks this way, instead of another? Why the hell can't anything go right? Where the hell am I going to go now? Azkaban? I tortured someone. I'll go to fucking Azkaban at fifteen." He was crying again. I turned away, because the sight sickened me beyond belief. Hardly any of those questions had answers. I focused my attention, instead, on Harry.
He was still lying against the wall. I slowly walked over to him. I was terrified Snape had tortured him to the point of insanity. I slumped down next to him and wrapped my arms around him. The body next to me stiffened, and then returned the hug. I was wrong before, hugs can do infinitely more than I could imagine. This one hug from Harry alone, felt like.... God's hug. What Harry said scared me so much I almost pulled away. But that would have meant no more hugging.
"It feels like God is holding us both." I told you it was scary.
I do believe that was one of the shortest chapters yet. Excluding the prologue, as that's not really a chapter. Speaking of prologues, its complete opposite will be the last chapter. The..... Epilogue! After that I will thank each and every one of my reviewers in one last update. Back to this chapter. It's kind of a scary ending. Because essentially that's the end of the story. The epilogue is there to tie up the untied knots. It's a very emotional time for me. This story is my baby! I've been working on it for the past seven months. Now it'll all end. Or this story anyway. Because while this story ends, it only begins another tale of events that will be classified until chosen to be revealed by myself!
This chapter is dedicated to all those people over there in Warner Bros. Harry Potter and th Chamber of Secrets was such an awesome movie, I'm going to see at least four more times while it's out. Daniel Radcliffe (Harry), Rupert Grint (Ron) and Emma Watson (Hermione) were so much better at acting this time around. Jason Isaacs (Lucius Malfoy) was such a convincing evil guy. Sean Biggerstaff (Oliver Wood) was just as sexy as he was last time. And Dumbledore (Richard Harris R.I.P.) was great. Richard portrayed his perfectly.
As for the nex characters.... Colin Creevey was so annoying I wanted to break his camera, Prfoessor Sprout was hilarious as was Dobby (they did a spectacular job on Dobby). Tom Riddle wasjust amazing. He was evil and sly, yet good and innocent. He was extremely hot, if I do say do myself, and he was very similar to how I imagined him. Now for the very best part in the whole movie. I'm dedicating this story to Maonaing Myrtle, who was absolutely brilliant. She was Perfect, EXACTLY how I imagined her. The way she looked, the way she spoke and the way she moaned and moaped. She was absolutely adorable in every way possible. She was so great!
If you'd like to email me or talk to me in a review about the movie, I'd be delighted to hear from you!
Song Identification: That was In My Life by The Beatles. I adore the Beatles and that song was written by them. It really speaks to me and whenever I hear it, I feel a little less angry, sad, over-whelmed, tense, uptight, apathetic..... whatever. I just basically feel loads better when I hear it. So if you get the chance, download all of the songs that I've put samples of in this story. They're all great.
-Tine
Rating: R. It'll get extremely dark in upcoming chapters. Lots of angst. Suicide, death, and much more. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations in this story belong to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Warner Bros. The writer is making no money off of it and does not claim ownership over it. Any other citations will be made where necassary.
Dedication: I'm dedicating this to JK Rowling, who's imagination and amazing mind has put together an incredible story that has inspired me to write this fanfic. Please don't sue me Joanne, I do not claim to own this, for my mind could never compare to yours. Thanks for helping me decide where I want to go in life.
Author's Note: Yo! here's the next chapter. I'm trying to put these out as fast as I can, but I'm being over-whelmed with Homework all of a sudden. You people: Aww man!!! Yeah, yeah I know. Homework is the biggest problem in my life. I'm limited to less hours of writing time than usual. That's why I love the summer. It's a time to really catch up on my writing and reading! Once again, thanks for the reviews. I adore them!
Thanks to my muse Todd. He'd like to say something here, but I won't let him. So he's gonna have a looooooong speech to deliver at the end of this story. It'll be interesting, so look it over.
To Scott. You're the best beta-reader ever. Or at least for me!
XOXOXOX
Chapter 6
**** All these places have their moments, When love is with friends, I still can't recall. Some are dead and some ar eliving. In my life, I've loved them all.
The Beatles, In My Life ****
Many hours later, the dungeon door opened and in walked three cloaked persons. Two of them were carrying wands and had enchanted them with the Lumos spell. A moment later, I realized it was Snape and Draco. I was kind of worried now. I recoiled from the light.
"Severus, Draco," The third person was Voldemort, "I have brought you down here to do a very honourable task. Many would die for it! Some have. But tonight you get to do it without even grovelling at my feet. You get to torture these two boys." I felt Harry stiffen at my right and I knew I was doing the same. I stared at the faces of my Potions professor and my hated enemy. Were they really going to torture us? Oh, God.
"It is an honour, my Lord!" Snape said, and dropped to his feet in front of Voldemort. He kissed the hem of his master's robes and then got to his feet before him. Draco did so as well, only with seemingly less arrrogance. I was so scared my heart was beating painfully in my chest. It seemed to bounce against my ribcage. But I tried to look like I had not been fazed by this. Harry looked like he wasn't but the hands above his head were quivering, as were mine.
"Yes master," Draco said, "it is wonderful to get such respect from you!"
"Yes it is. Now I will stand here and watch you torture them. Go on," Voldemort said and the expressions on their faces changed drastically. They looked a little..... worried? The moment passed and they slowly stepped forward, as though one, and raised their wands. Snape stepped toward Harry and Draco toward me. I braced myself. Draco was the son of a fully- fledged Death Eater. Suddenly, he cast the Cruciatus Curse on me and I cringed in pain. But that's all. Next to me, Harry was screaming, although I could tell he was trying not to. When it stopped, Harry was panting heavily. Voldemort laughed an evil, horrible laugh.
"Continue." Malfoy cast a curse on me which I did not hear. But that soon didn't matter in the least for the pain was much too endearing. It was like I could actually feel a small dagger running down my stomach and into my gut. When it stopped, the pain was so bad it stung for many moments. Next to me, Harry was gasping, moaning, screaming and even crying. I wanted to reach over and gather his hand into mine, but it was still chained above my head.
Another curse, which was much worse than the last one. It felt like my whole body was on fire and even when Draco had taken it off I lay there for at least five minutes, moaning and gasping for air. All the while, I could hear Voldemort's laughter. When the pain subsided slightly, I straightened up and focused on Malfoy. I was surprised at what I saw. He was shaking. Shaking so hard he lost grip of his wand and it fell to the floor in front of my feet. Had I been functioning properly and if I'd had any strangth whatsoever, I would have kicked it across the room. But I was so out of it, I just ignored it completely. Draco bent down to pick up his wand and just before he got to his feet again he whispered, "I'm sorry."
I was so shocked I forgot about the pain I was in. What did he mean? What was he sorry for? I had very little time to think about, for next moment, Draco had put another curse on me. This one was different from all the rest. There was no physical pain. Only emotional. Instead of feeling actual pain, I began to remember past events in my life that had ever made me sad or depressed.
Breaking my leg when I was five and no one coming outside to find out why I was screaming. Getting an award in my second year at Hogwarts for saving Ginny and helping Harry to fend off Tom Riddle. I remember how Dad didn't even thank me and just worried about Ginny all summer. I remembered how in my fourth year when Harry came back from the night of the Third Task looking like he'd been tortured to the point of insanity, yet not being able to do a thing about it. I remembered Fred's dreadful words the night George died. I remembered that moment when I realized I would never be free from this horrible depression. I remembered Dumbledore announcing that Dennis Creevey was dead. The look of utter horror on Colin's face. That moment of understanding between us when I saw him in the corridor the next day. The last time I saw him before he topped himself.
All those things were worse than physical pain. It was like somebody was pinching me when I thought I was dreaming. Only this time, I had never dreamt. Not before any of this had happened, not during, not even now. This moment, out of all the moments I'd had in my life, was the only real one I wished had never, ever happened. With George's death, it was like it had never really been true. Someone had played a sick, cruel joke on me. But now, that joke had become reality. And that moment of realisation was even worse than the moment Fred's mouth formed the words "George... dead."
I began to cry. Worse than I had in my entire life. I began to cry hysterically. I bent my head as far as it would go and just cried. My tears echoed around the dungeons and they clashed horribly with the hysterical laughter coming from Voldemort. What a strange mix. Hysterical laughter and hysterical tears. It made me feel so cold. The tears just streaked down my face. I must have cried like that for at least an hour. It felt like that anyway. The whole time Voldemort laughed. I could hear Harry still moaning in pain and it made me cry even harder. Draco was standing in front of me and after what felt like hours of crying he finally lifted the curse off me.
But I kept crying anyway. I think it must have scared Draco, for he lost his composition completely. He dropped his wand and began to perspire wildly. It was weird. I could hear and see everything around me perfectly, even through my tears.
"Thank you, you two. I'll leave you down here and then you can carry on with the torture that you handle so wonderfully," Voldemort said, turned on his heel and walked out the dungeon door, closing it with a snap behind him.
The snap created a million things at once. I began to cry even harder. It felt like that snap had sent my life for ever into emotional turmoil. From then on, every time I'd hear a door shut I would think, shuddering something mad, about Voldemort's disembarkment. The way he just did it like every single day was yet another day of work. For him.... that was probably just it.
Besides the fact that I cried harder, Snape and Draco both stopped what they were doing and immediatly reached for each other. It was strange. It shocked me so much, I stopped crying. Then, shocking me out of porportion, I heard one of them crying. Crying like I'd just been. And I knew right away, that it was Draco crying. They stood there for a long time and when they finally seperated, Draco's eyes were so swollen they seemed to pop out of their sockets. I knew that's what I must have looked like.
Harry just sat there panting. I got kind of worried after a little while. What had happened to him? Why was he panting like he'd been running a million kilometers. I tried to ignore it, but it seemed to stand out in the silence alll around. It felt absolutely horrible.
There was a long silence then. When Snape spoke I actually started.
"We didn't want to do that." The way he said it..... God, it sounded so true. But how could it be? How could the two of them torture two people and not want to do it?! Neither Harry nor I spoke so he continued. "We've been working for Dumbledore. As spies. You have no idea how hard that was for us."
"I -" Draco began and Harry and I both looked up at the same time. "I'm sorry." I stared at him, but I still didn't say anything. "Say something!" He shouted it so loud It hurt my eardrums.
"What do you want me to say?" I shouted even louder.
"Tell me it's okay!" Draco said, quietly.
"It's not," I answered flatly. Draco looked like he'd been slapped across the face.
"Oh God. What have I done?" Draco demanded of Snape, turning to look at him, "Voldemort made us do it because he knew we were traitors! Goddammit, I'm gonna need serious psycology for this." And he sounded completely serious.
"Of course he knew. He's not a fool," Snape said and it was dripping with sarcasm, "and he left us down here to do more. But we won't. We'll unlock you two. We've got a Portkey with us. We'll use it to get back to Hogwarts."
"Do you expect us to believe you?" I asked.
"You've got no choice," Snape said and he stepped forward again with his wand in the air. Only this time he whispered an unlocking spell.
The moment those binds were off, I jumped up and punched him square in the face. He staggered. The second my fist made contact with it, his nose broke and began to bleed.
"How can you torture an innocent person?" I demanded of him, and then turned on Malfoy. If I'd had a wand with me, I probably would have killed him on the spot. But instead, I said something that would probably remain in his memory for ever:
"You're just like your father."
That one sentence seemed to break his whole world and all of a sudden he grabbed Snape's hand and spun him around so that Snape was facing him.
"Fucking hell!" Draco yelled and began hitting Snape, wherever he could find a place unprotected. Surprisingly, although nothing should surprise me now, Snape did nothing to stop it. He let the biased attack on himself continue, as though it wasn't really happening. "Why did we do this? We could have fought with the other side. Why did we have to do it this particular way? Why did I have to torture someone? It's fucking horrible! Why did Voldemort make us do this? Why does he get his kicks this way, instead of another? Why the hell can't anything go right? Where the hell am I going to go now? Azkaban? I tortured someone. I'll go to fucking Azkaban at fifteen." He was crying again. I turned away, because the sight sickened me beyond belief. Hardly any of those questions had answers. I focused my attention, instead, on Harry.
He was still lying against the wall. I slowly walked over to him. I was terrified Snape had tortured him to the point of insanity. I slumped down next to him and wrapped my arms around him. The body next to me stiffened, and then returned the hug. I was wrong before, hugs can do infinitely more than I could imagine. This one hug from Harry alone, felt like.... God's hug. What Harry said scared me so much I almost pulled away. But that would have meant no more hugging.
"It feels like God is holding us both." I told you it was scary.
I do believe that was one of the shortest chapters yet. Excluding the prologue, as that's not really a chapter. Speaking of prologues, its complete opposite will be the last chapter. The..... Epilogue! After that I will thank each and every one of my reviewers in one last update. Back to this chapter. It's kind of a scary ending. Because essentially that's the end of the story. The epilogue is there to tie up the untied knots. It's a very emotional time for me. This story is my baby! I've been working on it for the past seven months. Now it'll all end. Or this story anyway. Because while this story ends, it only begins another tale of events that will be classified until chosen to be revealed by myself!
This chapter is dedicated to all those people over there in Warner Bros. Harry Potter and th Chamber of Secrets was such an awesome movie, I'm going to see at least four more times while it's out. Daniel Radcliffe (Harry), Rupert Grint (Ron) and Emma Watson (Hermione) were so much better at acting this time around. Jason Isaacs (Lucius Malfoy) was such a convincing evil guy. Sean Biggerstaff (Oliver Wood) was just as sexy as he was last time. And Dumbledore (Richard Harris R.I.P.) was great. Richard portrayed his perfectly.
As for the nex characters.... Colin Creevey was so annoying I wanted to break his camera, Prfoessor Sprout was hilarious as was Dobby (they did a spectacular job on Dobby). Tom Riddle wasjust amazing. He was evil and sly, yet good and innocent. He was extremely hot, if I do say do myself, and he was very similar to how I imagined him. Now for the very best part in the whole movie. I'm dedicating this story to Maonaing Myrtle, who was absolutely brilliant. She was Perfect, EXACTLY how I imagined her. The way she looked, the way she spoke and the way she moaned and moaped. She was absolutely adorable in every way possible. She was so great!
If you'd like to email me or talk to me in a review about the movie, I'd be delighted to hear from you!
Song Identification: That was In My Life by The Beatles. I adore the Beatles and that song was written by them. It really speaks to me and whenever I hear it, I feel a little less angry, sad, over-whelmed, tense, uptight, apathetic..... whatever. I just basically feel loads better when I hear it. So if you get the chance, download all of the songs that I've put samples of in this story. They're all great.
-Tine