Author's Note: Third Chapter...Whoooh..
Ever since I arrived in Spira, I've never eaten anything that was cooked by Wakka for a long time. No matter how serious everyone acted, I seriously doubted people could eat farts. But one day, I was so hungry I couldn't resist...Man, that would change my days in Spira forever.
*Scene opens in Macalania Forest, with everyone, including Rikku and Auron, sitting next to a firaga that Lulu conjured up. Wakka takes out a frying pan, and grins*
Wakka: Time for some good old farts!
Rikku: *Sticks out her tongues* I hate farts! Why can't we eat something good, like fish?
Kimahri: Kimahri's tummy makes funny growl...it says "fish".
Wakka: No, idiot, that's your mouth!
Kimahri: Kimahri sad...
Auron: I've been in Zanarkand for so long, I can hardly get used to fr-
Wakka: But my fart's are really good, ya! You'll get that nasty Chocobo taste outta your mouth in no time! *Dark look at Tidus, who shrugs*
Tidus: Hey! Come on, you people eat farts!
Lulu: What's so bad about farts? They're healthy, as long as they're fresh picked.
Auron: Tidus, do you even know what a fart is?
Tidus: Yeah...duh...
Yuna: Then what's so wrong about them? I'm sorry, but Wakka refuses to cook some chicken...
Wakka: I'm not a Chocobo Eater! And I won't ever be!
Lulu: *Sighs* Well, we're out here in the middle of Macalania forest...We might as well eat some of Wakka's farts.
Tidus: *Looks around* Uh...I'm not too hungry.
Rikku: Usually I'd say no, but I'm starving...
Auron: I would enjoy a nice warm fart, if you don't mind Wakka...*Looks at Tidus* Are you sure you don't want any? They're fresh, and good, and definitely not what you think...*Slight grin*
Tidus: *Grimaces* It's all right, I'm not hungry.
Yuna: Will you try one? For...me?
Rikku: *Whispers to Auron* Uh oh...they're getting all gushy...better get the Kleenex...
Kimahri: *Giggles* Kimahri thinks you should have seen what they did in pool just a few minutes ago—
Yuna: Kimahri!
Tidus: *Blushing* Oh, I supposed one fart...couldn't...hurt too much...
Wakka: All right! *Grins and runs off to the forest* These are gonna be some special farts for Tidus! I gotta get the good stuff...Lu, come with me too! I need beans, tomatoes...oh, and some mushrooms too, you can't forget the distinct flavor that farts get from mushrooms...*Runs off*
Lulu: *Sighs and runs after Wakka* Don't make me run...not in this outfit...
Rikku: *Yawns and lays down on the forest floor* Tidus, have you ever had a fart before?
Tidus: Erh...not really...
Auron: It's not as good as a McZanarkand's Big Zac, or maybe some grilled chicken, but farts are very, very good.
Yuna: Zanarkand had ...Big Zacs?
Tidus: It's a piece of beef, grilled, placed between two pieces of bread.
Yuna: What? What's grilled?
Auron: It's when a meat, beef in this case, is placed over a special fire, then cooked in a special way, usually giving it a delicious and unique flavor.
Rikku: *Winces* So you grab a cow, and throw it on a fire, and eat it?
Yuna: *Corrects her, showing off her Zanarkand knowledge* Don't forget, two pieces of bread are placed on top and on the bottom of the cow.
Rikku: Oh...I get it...*Obviously not getting it*
Tidus: No no no...You cut off a piece of meat before grilling it..
Auron: And you place a few metal bars over the fire, keeping the meat out of the fire, and just in the heat...
Rikku: So, if I wanted a Big Zac, I throw on a cow leg over a few iron bars inside a fire?
Yuna: After you put a piece of bread on the top and bottom of it. *Nods* Right?
Tidus: *Sighs* Wrong...
Auron: There are special cuts of meat...Rikku, take off your shirt...
Rikku: *Shrugs* Ok.
Tidus: No, Rikku! Here, Kimahri, you're most like a big, fat, stupid cow, you do it.
Kimahri: Kimahri has no shirt...
Auron: *Takes out a thin pointing stick* Now Hamburger is made from this cut of meat...*Points near the backside of Kimahri* And is cut into a thin, round plate-like shape.
Tidus: *Grabs the stick* No, hamburger is from here, *Points to front-chest side of Kimahri* And most hamburger isn't thin, it's pretty thick.
Yuna: *Raises her hand*
Auron: Yes?
Yuna: *Points to Kimahri's back* If that's where the meat comes from, what do they do to Kimahri's head, and legs?
Tidus: That's the great part about McZanarkand's. The leftover meat-
Auron: Chicken or beef...
Tidus: Is ground up, into a thick paste, and used as McShakes! Mmm!
Auron: *Whispers loudly* The secret to the taste is the spoonful of curdled milk in every sip!
Rikku: *Eyes widen* Ooh! Sounds delicious! How do you make these McShakes?
Tidus: Well, we need to ground up a chocobo, and add some special ingredients...
Auron: *Whispers loudly* Curdled milk!
Tidus: And some sugar, and voila! Deliciouso!
Yuna: *Licks her lips* Sounds delicious...even if it is against Yevon. But, wait, so what's a hamburger again?
Auron: *Points to Kimahri's back* Remember, it's like a saucer cut of meat..
Tidus: It looks kind of a breast implant. *Nods*
Yuna: Ooh! I've seen those! Right before Lulu went into op—
Rikku: *Covers Yuna's mouth* Yeah, we know what those look like.
Kimahri: So explain to Kimahri what hamburger taste like.
Tidus: *Jokingly* Bite yourself and find out.
Kimahri: *Bites his arm, and thinks* Fish still better.
Tidus: *Sweatdrop* Not seriously, Kimahri.
Auron: Besides, you're not grain-fed and fattened, like the cows at McZanarkand's. And, you don't have steroids pumped into you.
Kimahri: Kimahri sure Kimahri has steroids of some sort.
Rikku: Look! Wakka and Lu are back!
Wakka: *Yells* Hey! We couldn't find any garnishes for farts, but wait till you see what Lu got!
Author's Note: Soon, you'll find out what farts really are...hm...
-Chapter 4 coming soon-