Shinji ½
Disclaimer: I'll try to keep the sexual comments to a minimum. But don't expect much.
Chapter 17 Part 1: Red Storm
It had been a peaceful few days since the split of Ranma and Shinji. Well about as peaceful as Tokyo 3 ever gets. Or for that matter as peaceful as the Katsuragi household ever got for that matter. Ranma had remembered how terrible it was to sleep on the floor so he had moved himself from Shinji's room to the couch in the living room. This was only marginally better since the couch was actually a love seat. When he slept his legs would dangle over the edge and in the morning he would have to stretch more than normal just to keep limber. This was not to say that Ranma hadn't ended up in Misato's bed once, twice, five times but usually nothing happened. 'Usually' and 'nothing' were terms they used to describe events that may or may not have occurred. They were both usually too piss drunk to remember any of it. However since the walls in the apartment building were almost paper thin, Shinji and Azuka heard everything. Actually people five apartments down could hear everything but when asked they officially disavowed any knowledge of the events that may or may not have occurred. Just like any good military personnel should do when their commanding officer is screwing one of the juniors. Or in this case visa versa. Ranma quickly fell into his new role as personal trainer to Shinji. It was basically nothing different than what he'd been doing already just that now he got paid directly for it. For his training sessions to go smoothly Ranma had argued that he and Shinji needed to be in proper attire. This meant a Chinese shirt and loose black pants for him and a gui for Shinji. (Although he was seriously considering getting Shinji a Chinese shirt of his own soon.) Shinji threw a flurry of rapid punches towards Ranma who managed to block all but three of them. Those three that connected however had a lot of power behind them and Ranma, even though he'd never admit it, felt some pain from them. Ranma countered by trying a low sweep, which Shinji merely jumped over by doing a spinning roundhouse, aimed directly at Ranma's face. Ranma blocked and Shinji springboarded off Ranma's arm charging up a small ball of chi as he arced away. Just before he landed he did a midair flip so that he was facing Ranma. The second he touched down he released the chi ball which raced towards Ranma. If he wasn't the worlds best martial artist Ranma probably would have been fried. Luckily his catlike reflexes kicked in and he was able to dodge out of the way. The ball of flaming chi impacted one of the walls of the gymnasium in which they were training. The wall exploded leaving a fairly substantial sized hole in it. Ranma rolled forward and released his own chi attack on Shinji. The ball of chi was fairly slow by the standards Shinji had been used to dealing with. He mearly sidestepped it and fell into an offensive stance preparing to launch another attack. What he failed to notice was that Ranma had pulled his arms in to his chest rapidly. As he did so the ball of chi boomeranged and was now headed towards Shinji's back at a much faster pace.
Shinji was about to launch his attack when he suddenly felt a heavy 'thud' impact his back. He stumbled forward for a bit. Then he realized what had happened. "Nice move." Commented Shinji. "Weren't expecting that were ya'" replied Ranma. "But how'd you get that chi ball to swerve like that?" "Now you know that any good master has some secrets that he doesn't reveal until his death." "So how was I?" asked Shinji as he and Ranma walked over to the bench to sit down. "You're improving a lot. Then again you do have the best martial artist in the world as your teacher so it's just natural I guess." Ranma said. Then he turned to look at the scorched hole in the wall. "Although I wish you'd refrain from using chi attacks in doors. If we had forgotten to prohibit access to the surrounding area and there had been someone on the other side of that wall." He shook his head. "Just try not to do any more Moko Takabisha's indoors ok sport." Shinji nodded. "Besides." Ranma continued "Everytime you blow up that wall I have to fill out a stack of request for repair forms this bloody high." Indicating with his hands at the massive stack of paper that had to be filled out to get the wall repaired. Shinji sat down rather hard on the wooden bench. He was in better shape ever since he'd decided to start working out but keeping up with Ranma was a job in itself. "You know Ranma these training sessions of ours are a real workout. You should put together a DVD and sell it as an exercise video." "Yeah and just what would I call it? Tae Bo?" "They already have an entire Tae Bo series. It was put out in 1999." "Ok, ok how about 'Anything Goes Tae Bo.'" Shinji laughed a little. "I can see it now. It's not only a workout it's an adventure. You can even include the Neko ken training. I'm sure they'd love that." Ranma shuddered. Then Shinji shuddered as he realized what he'd just said.
Misato stepped into the gym through the newly created 'door'. "So I see you've been training hard. Who's to blame for the new window?" Ranma pointed at Shinji. "Yeah right Ranma." Misato said. "As if Shinji could pull off a blast that big without your help." "But." He began. "No buts come on we've got a meeting in half an hour and you've got to get changed." She said dragging him off by his ear. "But it was Shinji I tell you." Ranma protested as he was dragged away. Shinji was left alone in the gym. He was just standing there wondering what to do when a pair of arms flew around his neck and a pair of fairly sizable breasts were pressed into his back. "Wo ai ni" Said the unknown figure. A few strands of purple hair drifted into his vision. His mind was racing. ^ Oh no I didn't go get engaged to some crazy amazon chick that won't stop until she's married me or I'm dead. Or did I? Naw that's something that only happens to Ranma. ^ He spun around and was rewarded with a mouthful of tongue for his efforts.
Shinji was relieved that it was Azuka. He was not relieved however with her hair. It was died purple. What was even worse was that she was wearing a Chinese dress and what appeared to be falsies. "AZUKA WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" yelled Shinji. "Shhh." She said putting a finger on his lips. "Any louder lover and you'll wake the dead." Just then a zombie shambled by. "Brrrraaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnsssssssss" "Too late I guess." He said. "Azuka just what are you.mmph" He never got to finish his sentence as Azuka was all over him tearing off his and her clothes she was just about to go for his pants when he managed to push her off. "What's wrong?" She asked. Obviously feeling rejected. "Nothing it's just I don't think that we should be doing this here." "Why? This entire area has been evacuated because of your practice sessions."
Shinji put Azuka's shirt back on her. "Well you see Ranma and my practice sessions have recently been the focus of a certain betting pool." "So." Azuka said trying to get Shinji to get to the point. "Well there is this betting pool of people trying to make a bit of money. It's a time thing. They bet on a certain time that Ranma will beat me and the person closest to the actual time wins the pool." "And." Azuka said obviously getting annoyed. "Well most people want to watch our matches, which is what that." Shinji said pointing to a smallish television camera on the wall. "is for. It broadcasts our match to every viewscreen in the complex that wants to tune in to watch. There should be still about 50 or so screens with the gym on them." Azuka finally got a mitt and caught a clue. She ran out of the gym screaming something in German. Shinji didn't know German but he could tell those words were not those that should be used by young girls. Shinji just started bounce walking out of the whistling a tune he'd heard in a movie once. A Clockwork Orange he thought it was. He gave the camera a thumbs up sign just before he walked out of the giant hole in the wall. Ranma was in the staff meeting from hell. Gendo was there going over every single angel battle in exacting detail pointing out every miniscule flaw. Since the last two angels were probably going to be the hardest ones they had fought so far they needed to revise their tactics and make sure that they were ready for absolutely everything, which considering the Angels could literally be anything. Planning and strategy were just fine. This is what Ranma Saotome of the school of Anything Goes Martial Arts was good at. Finding an enemy's weak spot and exploiting it. What annoyed him though was the fact that no one even considered that he had front row seats to each and every one of those battles. He knew better than anyone what they could do differently and which areas of their strategies needed to be revised. Unfortunately he was just a lieutenant and could not interrupt the supreme commander while he was ranting and raving. Only the senior staff could do that and keep their jobs. So there sat Ranma Saotome bored out of his mind. Unable to do anything more constructive he started to write some stuff down on a pad of paper. The effect was that it made him look like he was paying attention. This has it's downside. "Mr. Saotome" Gendo began. "Since you're paying such good attention would you kindly tell us what went wrong in this confrontation." Ranma looked up from his doodling only to see the cutest little harmless kitten you ever saw sitting in front of him. "Mew" "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" "Exactly." Said Gendo casually as he looked over at the Ranma shaped hole in the door. Normally this would not be a bad thing except that they were in NERV central command and all the doors were made of four inch thick reinforced steel. The holographic kitten vanished and Gendo continued on with his speech about the cat Angel. In a completely unrelated matter Pen Pen was looking in the fridge for something to drink. Unfortunately all he could find was a clear aqueous non-alcoholic substance, this just wouldn't do. He waddled over to the phone, which was luckily placed on a low enough table that he could reach it. Since flippers were not the best things to be using when dialing a phone he had to improvise. He first pecked the speakerphone button then hit speed dial one. The phone rang a couple of times before a gangly teenager picked up. "Bob's Bargain Basement Beer how may I help you?" came the voice on the other end. "Wark!" "You're out of beer you say?" "Wark Wark!" "2 cases of Moosehead charge it to Misato Katsuragi?" "Wark." "We'll be right over is there anything else you want Mr. Penguin?" "Wark." "I'm sorry we don't carry buckets of fish but I should be able to swing the box of cubans." "Wark." "No I'm afraid we don't do hookers either." "Wark." "You might want to try the zoo." "Wark." "Ok we'll be right over bye."
Pecking the speakerphone button he waddled over to the couch and laid down awaiting his beer.
And now for something completely different.
"Shinji watch out there's an Angel at two o clock." Azuka yelled. Shinji spun around just in time to deflect an incoming tentacle. He then lunged in with his prog knife slicing the core open. The Angel collapsed into a heap. Shinji looked over his shoulder to see Azuka get thrown into a mountain by another Angel. Shinji flicked a button on his progressive knife it extended and became a short sword. He then charged into the Angels general vicinity. He narrowly dodged one of it's razor sharp ribbon arms. He jumped up in the air and began a corkscrew descent. The Angel he was fighting lashed upwards with it's arm trying to cut Unit 01's head off. Shinji however saw this move in time to dodge out of the way. Unfortunately this put him off target so instead of slicing the Angel in half all he managed to do was hit the ground face first. The Angel was about to slice Unit 01 in half like it originally had planned when it was tackled by Unit 02. Unit 01 quickly sprang to it's feet and charged at the Angel who was busy grappling with Unit 02. "Damn it where's Rei?" Asked Shinji. "Wonder girl's backup remember." Azuka replied over the com system. "Yeah but this one's a bit tougher than the rest of the one's we've fought so far." "Pussy." "Who you callin' a pussy?!" He yelled as he grabbed Unit 02 and threw it away from the Angel it was fighting. "Hey!" Azuka protested. "Katchu Tenshin Amogouriken revised Ginsu 3000." Shinji then proceeded to use the Amogoriken in harmony with his short sword. The blade flashed back and forth faster than the eye could see. "It slices it dices it juliennes fries. Woo hoo." Shinji yelled. Suddenly his blade stopped at the end of one of his swings. He walked up and touched the Angel. It fell apart and landed on the ground in a giant pile of pulp. Shinji bowed. "Thank you, Thank you. No applause please."
"Shinji you jerk that was my kill!" Azuka yelled. "Oh don't be so touchy about it. Hey Rei what's your status?" Shinji asked. "I am undamaged." She responded. "Good. Azuka you want a fight looks like you'll get one." Shinji said pointing at the 25 white Angels that were falling from the sky. "Shit." She replied. "Race you." Shinji said. "The person who kills the most of those white Angels gets ice cream from the losers when this is all over." "You're on buddy!" Azuka yelled grabbing one of the Eva sized quarterstaffs that were lying about the area and rushed the first Angel. She quickly executed a downward slash, which sliced the Angel in half. "Ha I'm one up." Shinji who had also rushed in with his sword had used his new technique to slice 3 of the Angels to ribbons in the blink of an eye. "You mean you're two behind." Azuka fumed. Rei spoke up. "You are one behind." She calmly spoke as she finished off her fourth Angel. "Damn it." Shinji said. "Looks like I'll have to do something serious pretty quickly." He sliced 2 Angels apart. He turned around just in time to see Unit 02 being torn apart limb from limb. Unit 00 was getting herself stomped on. It was only a matter of time before. Ewww. The Angel's 'foot' had gone right through Unit 00's head. ^ Damn it. ^ he swore to himself. ^ Guess it's all up to me now. ^ He quickly realized that his new technique had a fatal flaw. He could only use it on at most 3 Angels at a time. He had 15 Angles to kill. If only Ranma were here 15 to one odds were his kind of thing. He wasn't ready for those sort of odds yet. It was certainly a desperate situation. ^ Wait a minute. Desperate situation, impossible odds, do or die. I just hope it works. ^ Shinji thought to himself.
He began to back up in a wide arc. The Angels began to follow him. Ever so often one would get close enough and try to strike Unit 01. Shinji just parried the blow and continued his arced path slowly moving towards a spot equidistance from the point he started at. ^ Just a bit more. Please please please let this work. ^ He thought. A few more steps and he was at his destination, the center of the spiral. He flung his hand to the sky and shouted. "Hiryu Shotenha!" A massive vortex started swirling hurling the Angels skyward. Some were sent crashing into each other causing both Angels to explode while others were just ripped apart by the force of the wind. When it was finally over only 3 of the 15 Angels had survived. These three Shinji quickly dispatched with his sword. He was exhausted. His sensors then lit up with tons of big red warning signs. An Angel exploded out of the building directly in front of him. It was a giant humanoid. It lashed out cutting the power cord to Unit 01. The red timer flashed next to Shinji's head. It read 2 minutes and counting down. ^ Damn it I don't have much time left ^ Thought Shinji. ^ I've got to finish this quickly. ^ He charged the Angel, which swung at him. Shinji ducked only to be struck by one of the tendrils that emerged from the arm. Unit 01 was thrown back. "Shit." He swore. He charged back at the Angel. The Angel swung at him again. Again he ducked and again the tendrils came out to strike him. This time however Shinji was ready. He executed a quick back roll just enough to avoid them. He quickly stood and sliced off the Angel's arms and put a deep gash across the Angel's stomach area. It fell to it's knees. Shinji was about to deliver the final blow when the Angel did something none of the other Angels had done before. it spoke. "You can not win, your race is doomed." It said. Shinji switched on his outside speaker. "I don't think so." He said as he readied his sword above his head. He stared into the Angel's fire red eyes. "In the end there can be only one!" he yelled as he brought the sword down cutting the Angel's head clean off. A strange eirie glow rose up from the Angel's corpse and encircled Unit 01. Then came the lightning bolts. All in all it was a cool effect. The counter ran down to zero and the screen went black. Two words appeared on the screen.
Game Over
^ Damn that was kinda fun. I guess the best fantasy is reality after all. ^ He thought. The next words that appeared on the screen were:
High Score: Enter your name.
After entering his name he got to look at the ultra secret closing sequence where humanity is saved and he Shinji Ikari is surrounded by multitudes of half naked women. That is if Shinji Ikari was 6' 2" 350 pounds of solid muscle with blond hair. The score list popped up. The top five were in this order:
1 Shinji Ikari 2 Rei Ayanami 3 Azuka Langley 4 Ranma Saotome 5 The Man
The Man was Kensuke. Shinji laughed a little and climbed out of the 'pod'. There was Azuka glaring at him. "How could you!" She yelled. "How could I what?" he said back innocently. "Why didn't you watch my back!" In response Shinji flipped over her and landed staring at her ass. "I'm sorry. If I'd known you're back side looked that good I'd have been watching it during the fight." She swung her foot back catching him squa' in the nuts. Shinji doubled over. "One more game. I get to choose, double or nothing." "Azuka you know you can't beat me. Just give it up." She grabbed him by the collar and hauled him close to her face. "Alright if I win I get your paycheck for the next two Angels." "And if I win?" Shinji asked. "If you win you get. Hmm" "I get to sleep with you!" Shinji said rather loudly. He reached out and grabbed her hand and shook it. "Deal." He said. "WHAT!!! NO!" She yelled. "Deal's a deal. Now which game did you want to play again?" Azuka was fuming. She had been tricked well sort of. She smiled pointing towards the Street Fighter 6 game. It was totally VR and was touted as the most realistic game in existence. It was a fighting game so Shinji should have had the advantage right? Wrong. The reason Azuka had picked that game was that she knew a special cheat code that would allow her to play a hidden character, which was almost invincible. 30 seconds later. "No way!!" Azuka screamed as her 'unbeatable' character hit the dust. "Sweet." Said Shinji. "So should we do it now or should we wait till we get home." This started a lovers quarrel. "I'm leaving." Commented Rei as she walked out the door and got on a bus headed for NERV.
On the bus Rei sat quietly. A lot of thing still confused her about human emotions. Sure she had been accused of being a slut because of how she acted sometimes. She didn't understand this reasoning though. It was how she felt, even the commander had urged her to act on her feelings. Besides it was fun to see how her actions affected others. It was great study. Suddenly for no reason she got a chill up her spine. It was an ominous warning of impending doom. She felt like something terrible was going to happen. Either that or the little punk that was spraying the back of her neck with a canister of liquid butane. After stomping the jerk Rei went back to her quiet musing while the kid lay unconscious on the floor of the bus. It was time again for her regular physical and psychological workup. Rei thought the entire thing was pointless. She felt fine and to her she hadn't changed a bit. But the commander's orders were orders and as a soldier she had to obey. The bus entered the freeway and started speeding towards NERV HQ. Since there were no stops between his current position and NERV headquarters the driver decided to put the bus on autopilot and kick back for a snooze. Normally there wouldn't have been anything wrong with this except for the fact that during the numerous battles that had taken place in Tokyo 3 the freeway was in pretty rough shape. That and the bomb that was set to go off if the bus dropped below 55. whoops wrong story. Anyway after some near misses and other miscellaneous happenings the bus careened into the bus stop at NERV Headquarters. "Thanks Otto man." Rei said to the driver. "No problem little dudette." Otto said as he pulled out his electric guitar and started cranking out the tunes before he had to make his next run. Rei walked calmly into Dr. Akagi's office. Well lab to be more exact. She had an examination table with various metal probes used for, well, probing. "Good afternoon Rei." She said cheerfully. "Are you ready for your exam." "No." Rei said flatly. "Too bad. You know the commander's orders. Now get on the table and I'll try to get this over with as soon as possible."
On the command bridge Maya was sitting calmly trying to find something to do. Aoba was beside her doing something on his console. She looked over and was amazed at what she saw. "Honestly we have the three most powerful computers on Earth and all you can think of is doing that!" "Oh come on it's fun. You want to give it a try?" He responded not looking away from the screen. "It is not fun it's sick and perverted and twisted. For God's sake you're a grown man!" "You've never tried it. Come on join me." He said taping a few keys on his keypad. Maya's screen went blank for a few seconds then it started.
On both sides of the screen were two vertical rectangles. Suddenly a smallish white bock was sent hurtling towards Maya's side of the screen. She reacted and the block bounced off her 'paddle' and was sent flying back towards Aoba's side of the screen. "You do know that my grandparents got off on this game?" "So you're telling me you're turned on then?" He said smiling. Maya sent the little block right past his paddle. The counter on the top of the screen read one nothing. "Maybe after I've finished whooping your ass." "In your dre." He started. He never got to finish his sentence though as every siren in the complex went off at the same time.
"Pattern Blue!" Maya yelled. Gendo just sat in his office. "And now it begins."
Authors Notes.
And here we go. This is the final final chapter. I promise. I've decided to break it up into two parts because. well I just wanted a two part chapter somewhere. Don't expect anything until LATE July. I've got my final exam in Advanced Calculus 3B on July 22 and then I've got to go to work full time during the Pan Am games. I guarantee the last chapter will be at least half decent.
After I'm finished I will probably start writing my next fanfic. The problem is that I have absolutely no idea what it's going to be. That's for you to determine.
Go to http://tatooine.fortunecity.com/carpenter/393/vote.html and send me some e-mail on which one I should write.
The voting is pretty close right now between The Hazzardous World and Twisted Time. It is a democracy and if you don't vote you lose your right to complain if I don't write the fanfic you wanted me to write.
If you read this without reading the previous chapters it probably didn't make much sense. I recommend you go to http://tatooine.fortunecity.com/carpenter/393/fanfc.html And read the previous chapters.
As usual all death threats, hate mail and general comments go to nealharris@hotmail.com
(If you think this fic's good now just wait till I put some actual effort into it. :)
Disclaimer: I'll try to keep the sexual comments to a minimum. But don't expect much.
Chapter 17 Part 1: Red Storm
It had been a peaceful few days since the split of Ranma and Shinji. Well about as peaceful as Tokyo 3 ever gets. Or for that matter as peaceful as the Katsuragi household ever got for that matter. Ranma had remembered how terrible it was to sleep on the floor so he had moved himself from Shinji's room to the couch in the living room. This was only marginally better since the couch was actually a love seat. When he slept his legs would dangle over the edge and in the morning he would have to stretch more than normal just to keep limber. This was not to say that Ranma hadn't ended up in Misato's bed once, twice, five times but usually nothing happened. 'Usually' and 'nothing' were terms they used to describe events that may or may not have occurred. They were both usually too piss drunk to remember any of it. However since the walls in the apartment building were almost paper thin, Shinji and Azuka heard everything. Actually people five apartments down could hear everything but when asked they officially disavowed any knowledge of the events that may or may not have occurred. Just like any good military personnel should do when their commanding officer is screwing one of the juniors. Or in this case visa versa. Ranma quickly fell into his new role as personal trainer to Shinji. It was basically nothing different than what he'd been doing already just that now he got paid directly for it. For his training sessions to go smoothly Ranma had argued that he and Shinji needed to be in proper attire. This meant a Chinese shirt and loose black pants for him and a gui for Shinji. (Although he was seriously considering getting Shinji a Chinese shirt of his own soon.) Shinji threw a flurry of rapid punches towards Ranma who managed to block all but three of them. Those three that connected however had a lot of power behind them and Ranma, even though he'd never admit it, felt some pain from them. Ranma countered by trying a low sweep, which Shinji merely jumped over by doing a spinning roundhouse, aimed directly at Ranma's face. Ranma blocked and Shinji springboarded off Ranma's arm charging up a small ball of chi as he arced away. Just before he landed he did a midair flip so that he was facing Ranma. The second he touched down he released the chi ball which raced towards Ranma. If he wasn't the worlds best martial artist Ranma probably would have been fried. Luckily his catlike reflexes kicked in and he was able to dodge out of the way. The ball of flaming chi impacted one of the walls of the gymnasium in which they were training. The wall exploded leaving a fairly substantial sized hole in it. Ranma rolled forward and released his own chi attack on Shinji. The ball of chi was fairly slow by the standards Shinji had been used to dealing with. He mearly sidestepped it and fell into an offensive stance preparing to launch another attack. What he failed to notice was that Ranma had pulled his arms in to his chest rapidly. As he did so the ball of chi boomeranged and was now headed towards Shinji's back at a much faster pace.
Shinji was about to launch his attack when he suddenly felt a heavy 'thud' impact his back. He stumbled forward for a bit. Then he realized what had happened. "Nice move." Commented Shinji. "Weren't expecting that were ya'" replied Ranma. "But how'd you get that chi ball to swerve like that?" "Now you know that any good master has some secrets that he doesn't reveal until his death." "So how was I?" asked Shinji as he and Ranma walked over to the bench to sit down. "You're improving a lot. Then again you do have the best martial artist in the world as your teacher so it's just natural I guess." Ranma said. Then he turned to look at the scorched hole in the wall. "Although I wish you'd refrain from using chi attacks in doors. If we had forgotten to prohibit access to the surrounding area and there had been someone on the other side of that wall." He shook his head. "Just try not to do any more Moko Takabisha's indoors ok sport." Shinji nodded. "Besides." Ranma continued "Everytime you blow up that wall I have to fill out a stack of request for repair forms this bloody high." Indicating with his hands at the massive stack of paper that had to be filled out to get the wall repaired. Shinji sat down rather hard on the wooden bench. He was in better shape ever since he'd decided to start working out but keeping up with Ranma was a job in itself. "You know Ranma these training sessions of ours are a real workout. You should put together a DVD and sell it as an exercise video." "Yeah and just what would I call it? Tae Bo?" "They already have an entire Tae Bo series. It was put out in 1999." "Ok, ok how about 'Anything Goes Tae Bo.'" Shinji laughed a little. "I can see it now. It's not only a workout it's an adventure. You can even include the Neko ken training. I'm sure they'd love that." Ranma shuddered. Then Shinji shuddered as he realized what he'd just said.
Misato stepped into the gym through the newly created 'door'. "So I see you've been training hard. Who's to blame for the new window?" Ranma pointed at Shinji. "Yeah right Ranma." Misato said. "As if Shinji could pull off a blast that big without your help." "But." He began. "No buts come on we've got a meeting in half an hour and you've got to get changed." She said dragging him off by his ear. "But it was Shinji I tell you." Ranma protested as he was dragged away. Shinji was left alone in the gym. He was just standing there wondering what to do when a pair of arms flew around his neck and a pair of fairly sizable breasts were pressed into his back. "Wo ai ni" Said the unknown figure. A few strands of purple hair drifted into his vision. His mind was racing. ^ Oh no I didn't go get engaged to some crazy amazon chick that won't stop until she's married me or I'm dead. Or did I? Naw that's something that only happens to Ranma. ^ He spun around and was rewarded with a mouthful of tongue for his efforts.
Shinji was relieved that it was Azuka. He was not relieved however with her hair. It was died purple. What was even worse was that she was wearing a Chinese dress and what appeared to be falsies. "AZUKA WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" yelled Shinji. "Shhh." She said putting a finger on his lips. "Any louder lover and you'll wake the dead." Just then a zombie shambled by. "Brrrraaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnsssssssss" "Too late I guess." He said. "Azuka just what are you.mmph" He never got to finish his sentence as Azuka was all over him tearing off his and her clothes she was just about to go for his pants when he managed to push her off. "What's wrong?" She asked. Obviously feeling rejected. "Nothing it's just I don't think that we should be doing this here." "Why? This entire area has been evacuated because of your practice sessions."
Shinji put Azuka's shirt back on her. "Well you see Ranma and my practice sessions have recently been the focus of a certain betting pool." "So." Azuka said trying to get Shinji to get to the point. "Well there is this betting pool of people trying to make a bit of money. It's a time thing. They bet on a certain time that Ranma will beat me and the person closest to the actual time wins the pool." "And." Azuka said obviously getting annoyed. "Well most people want to watch our matches, which is what that." Shinji said pointing to a smallish television camera on the wall. "is for. It broadcasts our match to every viewscreen in the complex that wants to tune in to watch. There should be still about 50 or so screens with the gym on them." Azuka finally got a mitt and caught a clue. She ran out of the gym screaming something in German. Shinji didn't know German but he could tell those words were not those that should be used by young girls. Shinji just started bounce walking out of the whistling a tune he'd heard in a movie once. A Clockwork Orange he thought it was. He gave the camera a thumbs up sign just before he walked out of the giant hole in the wall. Ranma was in the staff meeting from hell. Gendo was there going over every single angel battle in exacting detail pointing out every miniscule flaw. Since the last two angels were probably going to be the hardest ones they had fought so far they needed to revise their tactics and make sure that they were ready for absolutely everything, which considering the Angels could literally be anything. Planning and strategy were just fine. This is what Ranma Saotome of the school of Anything Goes Martial Arts was good at. Finding an enemy's weak spot and exploiting it. What annoyed him though was the fact that no one even considered that he had front row seats to each and every one of those battles. He knew better than anyone what they could do differently and which areas of their strategies needed to be revised. Unfortunately he was just a lieutenant and could not interrupt the supreme commander while he was ranting and raving. Only the senior staff could do that and keep their jobs. So there sat Ranma Saotome bored out of his mind. Unable to do anything more constructive he started to write some stuff down on a pad of paper. The effect was that it made him look like he was paying attention. This has it's downside. "Mr. Saotome" Gendo began. "Since you're paying such good attention would you kindly tell us what went wrong in this confrontation." Ranma looked up from his doodling only to see the cutest little harmless kitten you ever saw sitting in front of him. "Mew" "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" "Exactly." Said Gendo casually as he looked over at the Ranma shaped hole in the door. Normally this would not be a bad thing except that they were in NERV central command and all the doors were made of four inch thick reinforced steel. The holographic kitten vanished and Gendo continued on with his speech about the cat Angel. In a completely unrelated matter Pen Pen was looking in the fridge for something to drink. Unfortunately all he could find was a clear aqueous non-alcoholic substance, this just wouldn't do. He waddled over to the phone, which was luckily placed on a low enough table that he could reach it. Since flippers were not the best things to be using when dialing a phone he had to improvise. He first pecked the speakerphone button then hit speed dial one. The phone rang a couple of times before a gangly teenager picked up. "Bob's Bargain Basement Beer how may I help you?" came the voice on the other end. "Wark!" "You're out of beer you say?" "Wark Wark!" "2 cases of Moosehead charge it to Misato Katsuragi?" "Wark." "We'll be right over is there anything else you want Mr. Penguin?" "Wark." "I'm sorry we don't carry buckets of fish but I should be able to swing the box of cubans." "Wark." "No I'm afraid we don't do hookers either." "Wark." "You might want to try the zoo." "Wark." "Ok we'll be right over bye."
Pecking the speakerphone button he waddled over to the couch and laid down awaiting his beer.
And now for something completely different.
"Shinji watch out there's an Angel at two o clock." Azuka yelled. Shinji spun around just in time to deflect an incoming tentacle. He then lunged in with his prog knife slicing the core open. The Angel collapsed into a heap. Shinji looked over his shoulder to see Azuka get thrown into a mountain by another Angel. Shinji flicked a button on his progressive knife it extended and became a short sword. He then charged into the Angels general vicinity. He narrowly dodged one of it's razor sharp ribbon arms. He jumped up in the air and began a corkscrew descent. The Angel he was fighting lashed upwards with it's arm trying to cut Unit 01's head off. Shinji however saw this move in time to dodge out of the way. Unfortunately this put him off target so instead of slicing the Angel in half all he managed to do was hit the ground face first. The Angel was about to slice Unit 01 in half like it originally had planned when it was tackled by Unit 02. Unit 01 quickly sprang to it's feet and charged at the Angel who was busy grappling with Unit 02. "Damn it where's Rei?" Asked Shinji. "Wonder girl's backup remember." Azuka replied over the com system. "Yeah but this one's a bit tougher than the rest of the one's we've fought so far." "Pussy." "Who you callin' a pussy?!" He yelled as he grabbed Unit 02 and threw it away from the Angel it was fighting. "Hey!" Azuka protested. "Katchu Tenshin Amogouriken revised Ginsu 3000." Shinji then proceeded to use the Amogoriken in harmony with his short sword. The blade flashed back and forth faster than the eye could see. "It slices it dices it juliennes fries. Woo hoo." Shinji yelled. Suddenly his blade stopped at the end of one of his swings. He walked up and touched the Angel. It fell apart and landed on the ground in a giant pile of pulp. Shinji bowed. "Thank you, Thank you. No applause please."
"Shinji you jerk that was my kill!" Azuka yelled. "Oh don't be so touchy about it. Hey Rei what's your status?" Shinji asked. "I am undamaged." She responded. "Good. Azuka you want a fight looks like you'll get one." Shinji said pointing at the 25 white Angels that were falling from the sky. "Shit." She replied. "Race you." Shinji said. "The person who kills the most of those white Angels gets ice cream from the losers when this is all over." "You're on buddy!" Azuka yelled grabbing one of the Eva sized quarterstaffs that were lying about the area and rushed the first Angel. She quickly executed a downward slash, which sliced the Angel in half. "Ha I'm one up." Shinji who had also rushed in with his sword had used his new technique to slice 3 of the Angels to ribbons in the blink of an eye. "You mean you're two behind." Azuka fumed. Rei spoke up. "You are one behind." She calmly spoke as she finished off her fourth Angel. "Damn it." Shinji said. "Looks like I'll have to do something serious pretty quickly." He sliced 2 Angels apart. He turned around just in time to see Unit 02 being torn apart limb from limb. Unit 00 was getting herself stomped on. It was only a matter of time before. Ewww. The Angel's 'foot' had gone right through Unit 00's head. ^ Damn it. ^ he swore to himself. ^ Guess it's all up to me now. ^ He quickly realized that his new technique had a fatal flaw. He could only use it on at most 3 Angels at a time. He had 15 Angles to kill. If only Ranma were here 15 to one odds were his kind of thing. He wasn't ready for those sort of odds yet. It was certainly a desperate situation. ^ Wait a minute. Desperate situation, impossible odds, do or die. I just hope it works. ^ Shinji thought to himself.
He began to back up in a wide arc. The Angels began to follow him. Ever so often one would get close enough and try to strike Unit 01. Shinji just parried the blow and continued his arced path slowly moving towards a spot equidistance from the point he started at. ^ Just a bit more. Please please please let this work. ^ He thought. A few more steps and he was at his destination, the center of the spiral. He flung his hand to the sky and shouted. "Hiryu Shotenha!" A massive vortex started swirling hurling the Angels skyward. Some were sent crashing into each other causing both Angels to explode while others were just ripped apart by the force of the wind. When it was finally over only 3 of the 15 Angels had survived. These three Shinji quickly dispatched with his sword. He was exhausted. His sensors then lit up with tons of big red warning signs. An Angel exploded out of the building directly in front of him. It was a giant humanoid. It lashed out cutting the power cord to Unit 01. The red timer flashed next to Shinji's head. It read 2 minutes and counting down. ^ Damn it I don't have much time left ^ Thought Shinji. ^ I've got to finish this quickly. ^ He charged the Angel, which swung at him. Shinji ducked only to be struck by one of the tendrils that emerged from the arm. Unit 01 was thrown back. "Shit." He swore. He charged back at the Angel. The Angel swung at him again. Again he ducked and again the tendrils came out to strike him. This time however Shinji was ready. He executed a quick back roll just enough to avoid them. He quickly stood and sliced off the Angel's arms and put a deep gash across the Angel's stomach area. It fell to it's knees. Shinji was about to deliver the final blow when the Angel did something none of the other Angels had done before. it spoke. "You can not win, your race is doomed." It said. Shinji switched on his outside speaker. "I don't think so." He said as he readied his sword above his head. He stared into the Angel's fire red eyes. "In the end there can be only one!" he yelled as he brought the sword down cutting the Angel's head clean off. A strange eirie glow rose up from the Angel's corpse and encircled Unit 01. Then came the lightning bolts. All in all it was a cool effect. The counter ran down to zero and the screen went black. Two words appeared on the screen.
Game Over
^ Damn that was kinda fun. I guess the best fantasy is reality after all. ^ He thought. The next words that appeared on the screen were:
High Score: Enter your name.
After entering his name he got to look at the ultra secret closing sequence where humanity is saved and he Shinji Ikari is surrounded by multitudes of half naked women. That is if Shinji Ikari was 6' 2" 350 pounds of solid muscle with blond hair. The score list popped up. The top five were in this order:
1 Shinji Ikari 2 Rei Ayanami 3 Azuka Langley 4 Ranma Saotome 5 The Man
The Man was Kensuke. Shinji laughed a little and climbed out of the 'pod'. There was Azuka glaring at him. "How could you!" She yelled. "How could I what?" he said back innocently. "Why didn't you watch my back!" In response Shinji flipped over her and landed staring at her ass. "I'm sorry. If I'd known you're back side looked that good I'd have been watching it during the fight." She swung her foot back catching him squa' in the nuts. Shinji doubled over. "One more game. I get to choose, double or nothing." "Azuka you know you can't beat me. Just give it up." She grabbed him by the collar and hauled him close to her face. "Alright if I win I get your paycheck for the next two Angels." "And if I win?" Shinji asked. "If you win you get. Hmm" "I get to sleep with you!" Shinji said rather loudly. He reached out and grabbed her hand and shook it. "Deal." He said. "WHAT!!! NO!" She yelled. "Deal's a deal. Now which game did you want to play again?" Azuka was fuming. She had been tricked well sort of. She smiled pointing towards the Street Fighter 6 game. It was totally VR and was touted as the most realistic game in existence. It was a fighting game so Shinji should have had the advantage right? Wrong. The reason Azuka had picked that game was that she knew a special cheat code that would allow her to play a hidden character, which was almost invincible. 30 seconds later. "No way!!" Azuka screamed as her 'unbeatable' character hit the dust. "Sweet." Said Shinji. "So should we do it now or should we wait till we get home." This started a lovers quarrel. "I'm leaving." Commented Rei as she walked out the door and got on a bus headed for NERV.
On the bus Rei sat quietly. A lot of thing still confused her about human emotions. Sure she had been accused of being a slut because of how she acted sometimes. She didn't understand this reasoning though. It was how she felt, even the commander had urged her to act on her feelings. Besides it was fun to see how her actions affected others. It was great study. Suddenly for no reason she got a chill up her spine. It was an ominous warning of impending doom. She felt like something terrible was going to happen. Either that or the little punk that was spraying the back of her neck with a canister of liquid butane. After stomping the jerk Rei went back to her quiet musing while the kid lay unconscious on the floor of the bus. It was time again for her regular physical and psychological workup. Rei thought the entire thing was pointless. She felt fine and to her she hadn't changed a bit. But the commander's orders were orders and as a soldier she had to obey. The bus entered the freeway and started speeding towards NERV HQ. Since there were no stops between his current position and NERV headquarters the driver decided to put the bus on autopilot and kick back for a snooze. Normally there wouldn't have been anything wrong with this except for the fact that during the numerous battles that had taken place in Tokyo 3 the freeway was in pretty rough shape. That and the bomb that was set to go off if the bus dropped below 55. whoops wrong story. Anyway after some near misses and other miscellaneous happenings the bus careened into the bus stop at NERV Headquarters. "Thanks Otto man." Rei said to the driver. "No problem little dudette." Otto said as he pulled out his electric guitar and started cranking out the tunes before he had to make his next run. Rei walked calmly into Dr. Akagi's office. Well lab to be more exact. She had an examination table with various metal probes used for, well, probing. "Good afternoon Rei." She said cheerfully. "Are you ready for your exam." "No." Rei said flatly. "Too bad. You know the commander's orders. Now get on the table and I'll try to get this over with as soon as possible."
On the command bridge Maya was sitting calmly trying to find something to do. Aoba was beside her doing something on his console. She looked over and was amazed at what she saw. "Honestly we have the three most powerful computers on Earth and all you can think of is doing that!" "Oh come on it's fun. You want to give it a try?" He responded not looking away from the screen. "It is not fun it's sick and perverted and twisted. For God's sake you're a grown man!" "You've never tried it. Come on join me." He said taping a few keys on his keypad. Maya's screen went blank for a few seconds then it started.
On both sides of the screen were two vertical rectangles. Suddenly a smallish white bock was sent hurtling towards Maya's side of the screen. She reacted and the block bounced off her 'paddle' and was sent flying back towards Aoba's side of the screen. "You do know that my grandparents got off on this game?" "So you're telling me you're turned on then?" He said smiling. Maya sent the little block right past his paddle. The counter on the top of the screen read one nothing. "Maybe after I've finished whooping your ass." "In your dre." He started. He never got to finish his sentence though as every siren in the complex went off at the same time.
"Pattern Blue!" Maya yelled. Gendo just sat in his office. "And now it begins."
Authors Notes.
And here we go. This is the final final chapter. I promise. I've decided to break it up into two parts because. well I just wanted a two part chapter somewhere. Don't expect anything until LATE July. I've got my final exam in Advanced Calculus 3B on July 22 and then I've got to go to work full time during the Pan Am games. I guarantee the last chapter will be at least half decent.
After I'm finished I will probably start writing my next fanfic. The problem is that I have absolutely no idea what it's going to be. That's for you to determine.
Go to http://tatooine.fortunecity.com/carpenter/393/vote.html and send me some e-mail on which one I should write.
The voting is pretty close right now between The Hazzardous World and Twisted Time. It is a democracy and if you don't vote you lose your right to complain if I don't write the fanfic you wanted me to write.
If you read this without reading the previous chapters it probably didn't make much sense. I recommend you go to http://tatooine.fortunecity.com/carpenter/393/fanfc.html And read the previous chapters.
As usual all death threats, hate mail and general comments go to nealharris@hotmail.com
(If you think this fic's good now just wait till I put some actual effort into it. :)