JPalmgren

This is possibly the dorkiest plan I've ever heard of. It is so bad in fact has ceased to be fun and become just plain stupid and embarrasing.

1. You do not lock people up in bathrooms for three days to force them together.

2. Harry OR Malfoy could have opened any wall, the floor or the ceiling with their wands.

3. Harry can still open any wall, the floor or the ceiling with wandless magic.

4. Is there supposed to be any school activity or supervising going on at all? "Sure we can lock Harry into a bathroom for three days with his former worst enemy and hope they get it on! He has nothing better to do whatsoever!"

5. You do not lock a kid who has spent part of his upbringing locked in closets anywhere if you can help it if you want to remain on even slightly friendly foot or you are one extremely stupid and insensitive bastard.

5. This is the last straw on this fic. I will avoid this crap in the future. I hope you get over your hopefully temporary insanity soon...

Until then, Sod off!

A/N: Well, that's how my day started. Yes, a lovely flame. My first one, in fact. Does anybody else agree with what this person said? Because if they do, tell me right away so I can kill this fic and put everybody out of their misery. But before they do, I would like to answer a few questions that this person (is it a person? Or maybe a demon or something…) had.

I, apparently, do lock people in a bathroom for three days and force them together. My dear JPalmgren, have you ever lost your temper, and done something that you have regretted? Yes, even though she is a fictional character, Lily is human, and she lost her temper. You can't open walls or ceilings without the rest of the wall/ceiling coming down on your head. Hogwarts is made of very heavy stones. Plus, don't you think Dumbledore would have put up charms to keep people from making large holes in walls? It's one of the easiest attack plans ever if he forgot about that. The characters are not as dense as you are. See number 2. Umm…Lily/James/Sirius/Remus ARE the supervisors of Harry. As to our favourite Slytherin, I was planning on putting that in this chapter. See number one. (You apparently have two fives. This should be number six) If it is so bad, why haven't you stopped reading it yet? Does anybody else find it slightly ironic that they told me to sod off? I didn't ask you to read this. Unless you are an American who is pretending to be English and don't know the meaning of the words "sod off." If you didn't, it's about the same as a very nasty "go away."

Smile7499: Your name is quite accurate. You made me feel much better. Thanks!

Aside:  I have taken the liberty of getting rid of that particular review. You won't find it in the review sections anymore.

Thought of the day: If you flame people, does that make you a flamer?

~**~

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room
I've walked this floor
I used to live alone
Before I knew you
I've seen your flag
On the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and
It's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

~"Hallelujah" From Shrek, By Rufus Wainwright

~**~

            Dumbledore thought he had never seen such an odd combination of people in his life. He looked like Harry Potter. But the mannerisms were of James Potter. Harry, (or possibly James?) sat on the chair, fidgeting with the upholstery and crossing and uncrossing his legs. The person sitting next to him looked like Hermione Granger. But the mannerisms were of Lily Evans. She sat, on the chair next to James, (he was quite sure that it must be James) with her hands hooked under the seat of her chair, looking very much like something was going to pick the chair up and make her fall off. Which is exactly what Lily and James had looked like when they had gotten called in for not getting into their common room on time in their 5th year.

            It was a very confusing scene.

            "Listen Professor," said the person who looked like Harry, but now sounded like James. "We had a slight mishap…"

            "This was my fault James," said the person who looked like Hermione but now sounded like Lily. "I was the one who did it. Let me explain."

            "You're no good at stretching the truth and you know it," he retorted. Dumbledore cleared his throat. 

            "It would be," he said, "Much less confusing if you resumed your normal forms." Both James and Lily looked at each other.

            "Oh," said James. He closed his eyes for a brief second, and when he opened them again, they were brown. The scar was gone as well.

            "Show off," Lily muttered, pulling out her wand. She too, resumed her regular form.

            "Much better," said Dumbledore, "Now, if you don't mind, I do prefer truth rather than lies."

            Lily stuck her tongue out at James in a particularly mature way.

            "I told you," she said. "You see, what happened was…well sir…" she stopped. "Harry and Draco Malfoy were fighting in the hallway," she said. "And they wouldn't stop, even when I told them to, so I got slightly annoyed."

            Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling.

            "Quite understandable. What did you do?" he asked.

            "Well, I locked them in the loo…." Her voice was reduced to a mumble.

            "I'm sorry, I did not quite catch all of that," said Dumbledore, beginning to smile.

            "I locked them in the loo," said Lily. "And now we can't get it open, there are no windows, and we can't break down the door."

            "You didn't use your wand, I presume?" Dumbledore asked.

            "No," said Lily in a small voice.

            "Oh dear," Dumbledore's voice was muffled from laughter. "How long do you think they will be in there?"

            "Three days," said Lily in an even smaller voice.

            "I will inform Mr. Malfoy's teachers," said Dumbledore. "You may go now."

            They could hear his laughter after they shut the door.

~**~

            "We're sending in blankets, Harry," said James' voice through the door. "And we talked to Dumbledore. Goodnight."

            Malfoy looked at the blankets in disgust.

            "Cotton?" he asked, indignation thick in his voice. "They gave us cotton blankets?"

            Harry sputtered.

            "What are you used to sleeping on?" he asked. "Velvet?"

            "Silk," said Malfoy in a dignified manner.

            "Oh good…" Harry hid his face in his hands. His shoulders began to shake.  For a moment, Malfoy couldn't tell whether he was laughing or crying. That was until he fell off the sink, which he had been perched.

            "Oh sod off, Potter," said Malfoy, and elegantly stalked away. "I get to sleep in the bath."

            "Have a good night," said Harry, grinning as he spread out his blankets on the floor.

            "Shut up."        

~**~

            It was a different dream now, a different time. Whether it was before or after the other dreams, Ron didn't know. But in this one, he could see faces clearly, as if he was right up close to the people in the dream. The only problem was, he couldn't hear. People mouthed wordlessly at him, but Ron could tell the emotions by looking at their faces. It was as clear as if they had been talking.

            Something bad had happened.

            And Ron wasn't supposed to be there. He felt like he was intruding, but how could he intrude with his two best friends?

            Hermione was crying. It was snowing, Ron could almost feel the cold, but she didn't have a cloak on. She skidded to a stop, a curled in a ball, rocking back and forth. Harry arrived a second later. He wasn't wearing a cloak either.

            He said something to her, and she snapped back at him, and turned away. He put his head in his hands, and said something else. Then she turned back. She was still crying, and very angry. The anger wasn't directed at Harry, it was directed at something else.

 He saw Harry reach out as if to touch her, and then pull away. Hermione said something else, and Harry wrapped his arms around her, and then pulled back again. That was when Malfoy joined them. He said something with a sneer on his face, and then left.

            Harry looked at Hermione, and said something else. Hermione turned to him, and actually said something that Ron could understand.

            "Yes, Harry," she said. "But they came back."

            And she followed Malfoy back up to the castle, leaving Harry looking shocked and forlorn in the snow.

           

~**~

            "You know, Malfoy," said Harry. "This isn't as bad as I thought it would be."

            "Bugger off, Potter," said Draco. "It's only because I can't kill you, you can't kill me, and we don't have anyone to fix us if we try to bash each other's heads in manually."

            "Not really," said Harry. "After a day, a person can get used to you, Malfoy."

            "I know what you're thinking Potter," said Draco. "You're thinking, 'Poor Malfoy, he's so sad and all alone and he has a father that hates him and a mother that won't do anything and no friends at all and maybe if I talk to him I can fix it somehow.' Well, I don't need to be fixed Potter, I'm just fine the way I am."

            "I beg to differ," said Harry caustically. "You do need to be fixed somehow. Because otherwise, you shouldn't be the way you are. Why do you hate the world so much, Malfoy?"

            "Why do you suppose I do?" asked Draco.

            "Because you had the best of everything. I grew up in a closet, and I'm not as screwed up as you are."

            "Oh, are we comparing soap operas now, Potter? What happened to the phrase 'money can't buy everything'?"

            "So you're now complaining of lack of love," said Harry. "I didn't have that either. My uncle, aunt, and cousin all hate me."

            "Oh, poor little pottie, nobody treats him right," said Malfoy. "My parents hated me too."

            "At least you had parents!"

            "Oh you poor little orphan boy," said Malfoy sarcastically. "My heart weeps for you."

            "Oh you poor little rich boy," said Harry, just as sarcastically, "Go find a shrink."

            "Malfoy's don't go to shrinks."

            "What, is that in the Malfoy Rules of Conduct too?" Harry spat.

            Draco unexpectedly relaxed, the hands at his side slowly unclenched, and his mouth quirked up at the corners.

            "Yes, actually," he said. "It is."

            "What?" asked Harry in surprise.

            "Yeah," said Malfoy. "'Malfoy's are too manly to go to shrinks.' Rule Number 472."

            "Does that apply for the women too?" said Harry, looking thoughtful.

            "Bugger off, Potter," said Malfoy, grinning.

~**~

            "Hermione," said Ron. "Hermione, I need to talk to you." He had paced outside the portrait hole for a half an hour, trying to figure out what to say. He still had no idea.

            "What?" she asked, setting aside her book. "Ron, what's wrong?"

            Ron sighed inwardly. This wouldn't be easy. In fact, it would be quite hard. Very hard. 'This wouldn't be easy,' was one of the worst understatements in the history of the world, he thought savagely.

            "I've..well…gah," he said.

            "Ron, are you alright?" she asked. "Because you look slightly green."

            He had to think of something plausible. He just had to. How could he explain what he was about to do by saying it was a feeling he got from a dream of all things?

            "Listen Hermione," he said, finally. "I don't think we can go on this way." Wonderful, he thought to himself. Thank you Mr Cliché. He was starting to sound like his mum.

            "What way?" she asked, knowing what he was going to say, but not quite believing it.

            "You've been seeing Harry a lot lately," he said, striking inspiration. "I just…"

            "Oh Ron, you're not feeling neglected are you?" She asked, looking anxious. "I've been trying so hard for you not to be and…"

            "No, Hermione, just listen," he said, stopping her. "This isn't working. It just isn't. We just…don't work together right. We have too many arguments, too many spats, too many rows, call them what you will. I don't know. It just doesn't work. We need to start seeing other people." Ah, yet another wonderful cliché. God, Ron felt so awful he wanted to scream. Awful, not to mention stupid, dumb, a complete blockhead, a total wanger…. the list went on and on.

            "I cannot believe you, Ron Weasley," said Hermione, through thick, angry tears. "You think a stupid thing like arguments is what can ruin…"

            "I do not!" Ron shouted. "You've been hanging around bloody Harry all the time and…"

            "I can't help it!" Hermione shouted back. "It's not like it's my fault…"

            "Oh, so you say that you can't help it when you're with him twenty four hours a day…"

            "I can't! You know that I can't…"

            "Well I can't even finish a sentence and…"

            "Well, with you cutting me off every two seconds…"

            "See!" Ron finally cried in exasperation. "We do stuff like this all the time! We must have the school record for most explosive relationship…"

            "If you'd just let me talk for a moment…"

            "No, Hermione," said Ron, shaking his head. "This won't work. No. See you later."  And he walked out of the portrait hole.

            If he had turned around, he would have seen Hermione standing there, shocked, with tears running down her face. If he had turned around, he might have turned back and apologise.

            He knew he couldn't turn around.

~**~

A/N: Oh dear. That wasn't supposed to happen there. It just…happened. Ah well. Smile4799: I'm sorry! I had to! I didn't mean to do it there! Don't worry, the "Ron bashing" will stop. He'll get lots of hugs in the next one. :)