Prologue - Anime Trip
If you're reading this right now, you obviously need a life. I will leave this on some unregarded street corner in the middle of nowhere lost in the midst of the multiverse where I really don't expect anyone to find it unless they really look for it, in which case the person - if anyone - who finds this needs to meet a girl/guy/whatever the hell the opposite of your sex is and have an actual life outside of looking for things on street corners. I suggest that you put this back in the receptacle I put this in and leave it on the street corner on which I so eloquently placed it for another poor sap like yourself to find and read the above that you just have and do the exact same thing.
If, for some unfathomable reason, you are still reading this, then you either like to be insulted or you have nothing better to do than to occupy a few minutes by reading things in boxes on sidewalks (which, in both cases, you still need a life, but I've already said that). So, I suppose I should give you something to relieve your boredom because I really have nothing better to do at this moment in time than to write this, so I'm relieving my boredom by doing so. So, I guess you have the right to relieve yours, though I extremely doubt that the following would even make the slightest bit of sense to you unless you're a highly-advanced life form such as myself.
Now, you're probably wondering who I am, what makes me highly-advanced above you, and why such a highly-advanced life form is bored to begin with and, to relieve said boredom, is writing this to leave in a container on an obscure curb in the middle of the multiverse. If you're truly dense (which is the only explanation I can think of for anyone reading this far), then you're probably wondering what a multiverse is too. All will be explained in due course, assuming you can understand me because I don't have diagrams and I won't type slow.
First off, I suppose I should introduce myself: I am Aneurysm T-14M5, the Type-14 of the M5 Series of Omnitronic AI Computer Cores. That also explains why I'm so highly-advanced, because my computerized nature gives me the large IQ of 4,016, though I'm not entirely sure of the accuracy of that number anymore. At any rate, I was created by an obscure and isolated scientist who far too smart for his own good at his age, name of Timothy Osborne. I was (yes, I'm using the past tense and no I'm not a digitized ghost) his computer for nearly five years (if you don't know what a year is, then, odds are, you can't read this to begin with) and I was originally created as a large, central computer core in the middle of his laboratory underneath an Elder-Beerman's department store (a company that has proved to be one of the constants in the multiverse) in the city of Dayton in state of Ohio in the country of the United States on the planet Earth (Planet: Sol3-61905-71908) orbiting the star known as Sol (Star: Sol-71908- 23976) in the galaxy of the Milky Way (Galaxy: 23976-(RE)34081) in Intrauniversal Spacial Sector 56109 in Universe RE-349081. (One needs to be extremely precise when talking about the multiverse). I evolved in a sense in those five years, considering I distinctly remember a time when I was a stolid, well-behaved, model supercomputer. I'm not too sure when, but I decided, one day, that I wouldn't be as model and start being my own individual which, as you can read (which, at this point, I exceedingly doubt), worked out perfectly. Tim grew to tolerate me from then on, though I'm fairly sure that he probably liked me better in my latter form than my original.
Tim later decided to further my individuality, constructing a mobile unit he termed the CPU for me so that he could easily carry me around and integrate me into his spaceships and recent inventions - all of which have the capability of destroying the planet for some odd reason, although it was even odder that he actually trusted me with such devices. Then, came his icoup de grace/i, a whole new kind of time machine based on a whole new type of engine: the quantum drive. What that thing was supposed to do was to harness the inherent uncertainty of atoms and subatomic particles, offered by the uncertainty principle of quantum mechanics, to a macroscopic scale. Lord knows how he did this, because I haven't figured it out and my IQ is numerous points above his. It seemed to violate every law of physics on the books, but, lo and behold, he accomplished it. Unfortunately, it didn't prove to be as much a time machine than a universe hopper.
You see, there are an infinite number of other universes outside your own that you're reading this in and I don't mean the coffee shop you're enjoying a cappuccino in that I put this box by. (Which brings me to another constant in the multiverse: Starbucks. God, it seems that every universe I visit, there's always a Starbucks on a street corner isomewhere/i. However, I'm not entirely sure why a few universes seem to have a Starbucks everywhere you look, especially in malls and strip malls. I suppose it must be a certain quantum instability, probably a particle innate to certain universes, that causes that phenomenon which I have cleverly termed the Starbucks Syndrome. Okay, okay, maybe it wasn't ithat/i clever, but at least I'm trying not to be Greek. Anyway, where was I? Oh, right.)
All those universes together are called the multiverse, however I'm not too sure where exactly these other universes are on the grand scale of things. Other planes and/or dimensions of reality and/or existence within one arena of space-time? Possibly. Whole new areas of space-time that go undetectable by other universes by conventional - and some unconventional - means? Again, possibly. But, where ever they are, the quantum drive has the ability to break the barriers between those universes and allow access from one to another which is exactly what Tim and his friend Melissa, whom he had invited from Coruscant 10,000 years in the past from galaxy M33 and her Jedi training, the hard way.
Another odd thing about the multiverse is that anything is practically possible because of another constant in the grand scheme of things: each universe has its own set of physical laws. Now, I'm not too sure why we didn't implode when we landed in a different universe because of the change in the laws of science, but we did something equally horrendous. We discovered that, given the infinity of the multiverse, several universes were based on actual television shows from our universe which goes to show you that, either television is far more than an entertainment medium, or whatever supernatural being or progenitive process that created the multiverse had a cruel sense of humor.
We first happened to drop in on the insanely repetitive Japanese anime cartoon known as Dragonball Z (Universe DB-795324), part of the Dragon Ball continuum in our universe that revolves around a character named Goku and his friends and family that all happen to be the saviors of their universe. We arrived in a particular episode where Goku and the villain-of-the- season, the biomechanical android Cell who was constructed from cells of all the great past villains of Planet Earth (hence his unimaginitive name), were about to become enthralled in yet another battle for Planet Earth. But, we came in, disrupting their fun which was something Cell nearly vaporized Mel and Tim over. So, I quickly reactivated the drive, but I soon found out that it was getting increasingly unstable and unpredictable since, not only were Tim and Mel transported along with us, but also two other hapless Dragonball characters unintentionally came along for the ride: the cue-ball Krillin and the Sayian prince in dire need of group therapy sessions, Vegita.
After Vegita's ramblings became sufficiently ignored by everyone, we soon arrived in a universe (Universe OS-829085) belonging to yet another anime series called Outlaw Star, centered around the brash and often pigheaded Gene Starwind and his collective band of assassins, catgirls, biomechanical androids (the more benign ones, unlike Cell), and computer geeks (well, actually one of each) who tool about in their spaceship called the - guess what - Outlaw Star, looking for anything to pay off their enormous debt (well, that's at least Gene), but, basically, for excitement, adventure, and really wild things . . . wait, forget that last part. That's another universe that I'm glad I haven't encountered yet. (42 my ass! If I ever get to that universe, I'm suing the mice for false advertising of the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything because I'm damn sure ithat's/i not it, at least in the universes I've been in. It's gotta be above 60, damn it!.)
Anyway, the iOutlaw Star/i nearly ran into us, but that wasn't the worst of our problems, since the iShangri-La/i, a vessel commanded by the MacDougal brothers, Ron and Harry (who are, by far, among the most idiotic people I've ever encountered), decided to capture us. But, what was inordinately confusing was that Vegita got his abdomen blasted out by Harry who Vegita could've easily made the MacDougal's later problems with his artificial arm seem moot. Then, Tim, Mel, and Krillin were lead away, Ron taking Tim and Krillin in one direction and Harry with Mel in another, quite probably off to be interrogated about why we were chatting with Gene and friends. Naturally, I kept silent because I had to remain to make sure nobody decided to tamper with Tim's multiverse meddler of a ship and, besides, Vegita wasn't dead anyway. His arrogance had overtaken his common sense yet again and his shot to the stomach was meant to increase his power. (He was a Super-Sayian already. Dear God, I've never met anyone so power-mad before.) After a brief consultation, he punched my visual sensor into oblivion and went out to search for Ron and Harry.
I'm not too sure what transpired after Vegita left, but, when Mel returned with Tim's battered body, I knew something didn't go well. I quickly returned us home by tracking down the wave modulation of the cosmic background radiation of our universe (each universe has a different one because something different occurred in the big bang that created that particular universe, yet another brilliant deduction from yours truly), but it wasn't quick enough for Tim. By the time he was brought to the Medi-Bay in his laboratory, Tim had already flatlined. As Melissa mourned, I told her and Tim's head Robotic Unit (or RUs for short which are, basically, Tim's maintenance droids that keep the lab from falling apart), GR, to take Tim to Physics Lab 3 immediately where I knew Tim had a backup plan in case something like this were to happen.
Just before all this mess happened, Tim had managed to figure out how to asertain one's consciousness, personality, and memory as a set of programming algorithms, something which he had done partially for my programming to give me a true artificial intelligence. Now that I knew the formula, I could perform the task if Tim was placed into the Mind Transference Apparatus (not one his better names, but he never had good ones) within five minutes of his death. It took exactly four minutes and fifty-seven seconds for Mel to bring him to the lab, place him in the machine, for me to determine to mind and download it into a biomechanical android (or bioandroid for short) body, something that, quite frankly, stunned Mel, GR and, oddly, myself. We had saved Tim and, after some hugs and such, Melissa left and everything returned to a state of normality, not necessarily the one we had before though.
Now, there's something I didn't mention in the above, something extremely important. Remember how I said that the quantum drive was becoming increasingly unstable and harder to control? Well, it came to a point where the drive was so volatile that is was going to explode, something that showed up on my sensors the second we were heading back to our universe. So, it was either 1.) blow up in subspace or 2.) get rid of the thing and hope to hell that we get to our universe before the thing exploded. Melissa and I (Krillin and Vegita had been picked up by the subspace public transportation, so to speak, and reappeared back in their universe which is too confusing for me to understand, so I'm not bothering) opted for the latter choice. The drive was ejected and it exploded, but we somehow made it back to our universe in one piece, even though a lot of things weren't in one piece as we slid across the Main Repair Workshop (a name that was really ironic at that moment in time) of Tim's lab and half the thing became imbedded in the far wall. And . . . well, you know what happened after that.
Unfortunately, we were completely oblivious to what that drive's explosion had done to the fabric of the multiverse. (Also remember I said that many of Tim's inventions could destroy Earth? Well, he certainly earned quite a few brownie points with the quantum drive, nearly collapsing the multiverse like that.) Suddenly, travel between several universes could be done without a quantum drive, thanks to the drive's explosion causing a weakening of the boundaries between the universes of the multiverse which caused some rather serious side effects in the afflicted universes. However, no one seemed to notice that planets were disappearing mysteriously and civilizations were vanishing and new ones were emerging at an alarming rate. (Yet another constant in the multiverse: ignorance. But that's something I could write an entire book on by itself.) It wasn't until a large group of supervillains wound up together and started ransacking the universes that, only then, people began to think something wasn't quite right. Mel, returning to the lab fairly quickly after our last meeting, only realized something was amiss several minutes before two guys from Outlaw Star (yes, the same universe) appeared through a subspacial rift into the lab: the always annoying Professor Gwen Khan who had planned out the construction of the iOutlaw Star/i and its navigation system in the form of a naked, large-breasted lady named Melfina (Can we say hentai?); and Hazanko, the leader of the pirate syndicate called the 108 Suns and the specific leader of the specific group within the 108 Suns called the Anten Seven (which became the Anten Six, Five, Four and so on as the series waxed). They destroyed the lab, but Tim, Mel, and I escaped in Tim's prototype quantum drive ship unimaginatively termed the iMark 1/i and set off into the multiverse.
After this, I basically lost track. It grew so needlessly confusing, between the Dragonball Z fighters supposedly being destroyed when New Namek, home of the chornically green, alien race the Nameks and the head cheese of all wish-granting dragons in that universe, Porunga (a story that would require a really indepth explanation, somrthing I'm not willing to provide right now), and Gene's fight with Commander (or was it Captain at this time?) Char Aznable from the anime series iMobile Suit Gundam/i (a series that spans three different universes in of itself). And the other events leading up the actual important part of this debacle aren't truly pertinent to you understanding the story at hand, so, to save time and ink, I'll cut to the chase.
Basically, these guys' intent was reaching an obscure element of legend that pops up a considerable amount of times in ancient texts all across the multiverse: the Galactic Leyline. From the feng shui word meaning "place where chi collects," the Leyline is (yes, that's the present tense) a massive, highly-intelligent supercomputer constructed and programmed by an ancient race who possessed a great deal of knowledge of science, technology, and metaphysics. Because of this, the Leyline could manipulate the very fabric of the universe and, probably, multiverse (or the chilines of the universe[s] if you want to get all feng shui on me) to produce anything according to a set of parameters verbally entered into it. To put it simply, it's a big, fancy genie that can grant you anything your greedy, selfish, and arrogant heart desires. Political power, knowledge, wealth, a '67 Chevy with the babes from Baywatch in the backseat, you name it, the Leyline gives it to you. Gwen Khan had deciphered a great deal of information on the Leyline through ruins on a deserted planet that provided, interestingly, a set of genetic information with which to build a bioandroid navigation unit that could pilot a specially designed ship to the Leyline. That bioandroid navigation unit was Melfina and that specially designed ship was the iOutlaw Star/i (who'd have guessed?) and, by which point in time, Gene had fallen in love with both. Unfortunately, the villian's conglomerate had taken Melfina and were on their way to the Leyline while Tim and I piloted the iOutlaw Star/i there.
At the Leyline, both crews had been transported to this strange maze where all paths lead to the heart of the Leyline and where many people of both crews became engrossed in battles with one another. In the end, only Hazanko, Khan, and Frieza (another reject nemesis from Dragonball Z) on the villains' side and Gene, Tim, and Melissa on the heros' (ha!) side made it to the the finish line where Frieza met his end at Melissa's skilled hands. However, as Hazanko and Gene clashed again over Melfina, basically so Hazanko could get Gene riled up, Gene fired his last shot of his caster weapon while Hazanko did some supernatural tricks. (It's called Tao magic, but I don't see anything Taoist about it.) They both canceled out which, incidentally, canceled out the occupants of the room as well, leaving the Leyline to resurrect them. (Mind you, Tim recounted all this to me. I was having oh-so stimulating conversations with the iOutlaw Star/i's main computer Gilliam II, the most boring artificial intelligence, in any form of himself, across the multiverse. I'm fairly sure talking to Deep Blue, [who, interestingly enough, has beaten Gary Kasparov at chess in over 12,000 universes to date] would've been more exciting. At least then I would've gotten a game out of the deal.)
Those who had made wishes (Khan, Hazanko, Tim, and Mel) had gotten them granted, meaning now Khan was a data file in the Leyline and Hazanko was the most powerful guy on the block. So, it was up to us to stop him from taking over the multiverse and Gene, with a little help from us, whipped Hazanko's butt and caused the invincible pirate leader to explode in a large conflagration and good had prevailed once again. (Naturally, but it does get boring after a while.)
We then said our good-byes and went our separate ways and Tim and Melissa had made quite sure that this sort of thing wouldn't happen again. Their wishes at the Leyline restored the boundaries between the universes and outlawed the use of quantum drives by the laws of multiversal physics with the exception of a last trip to get us home. But, Tim goofed up yet again - a goof that would cause more trouble for all of us separately.
We wound up in a universe where the anime series Gundam Wing (yes, one of those Gundam universes revolving around giant, robotic suits) prevailed (GW- 61904) concerning Heero Yuy and his four other Gundam mobile suit pilots that fight for the freedom of the Earth colonies (most of the time) from the rather oppressive government of Earth, all of which are under constant attack by four billion different factions who all want power. This quite happened to be Mel's favorite series because of Heero whom she loves dearly and thinks is totally hot (something I fail to see), so she spent an inordinate amount of time with him as Tim and I tried to figure out a way out of this mess. We decided, since this current quantum drive would never work in the multiverse again, to build a whole new quantum drive through equations and designs that seemed to look exactly like the ones Tim used on the original drive, but Tim was vehement that it would work. Naturally I wasn't because, I knew if this didn't work, our atoms would be spread across the multiverse like butter on bread, an experience I really wasn't up to feeling. However, what surprised me was that, in those equations, Tim discovered a loophole in which the quantum drive, with a few modifications, could go through. Even though, that loophole was tortuously complex and, truly, it didn't exactly work either.
After completely overhauling the iMark 1/i with parts from destroyed Gundams and christening it the iDauntless/i, we were ready to return to our own universe, however Mel had grown so attached to Heero that she didn't want to leave without him. (Emotions are horrendously overrated let me tell you. All they do is cloud your judgment, make you do things you wouldn't even dream of doing under normal circumstances, and motivate you into often wrong directions when trying to solve a problem. Now, I have emotional capability which you've obviously guessed by now, but it's not like I've experienced every single one and I'd like to keep it that way. Love is honestly the worst of all emotions. A man/woman/whatever the hell you are is driven by the primal urge to propagate the species, but, being sentient and all, you have to gussy it up because it's inappropriate to immediately bonk someone that makes your blood pressure rise when you see them. So, in order to get yourself in their pants, you have to buy overly expensive gifts, spend an inordinate amount of time with that person, and utter such phrases as "I love you" and "You're the only one for me" to make them feel all mushy and you're lucky if you get a kiss on the lips without tongue. And, guess what? Usually, the person you're in love with dumps you for an idiotic reason and you feel another wonderful emotion called depression which lingers with you for an immense amount of time. It all seems revolting to me and the way you're supposed to continue the species is terribly messy, but that's a paper in of itself.)
So, in a move that made absolutely no sense, Tim decided to ibring Heero along/i despite the fact that I had stressed with him numerous time before that having too much matter transporting between universes increased our chances of becoming Parkay to the multiverse. Of course, Tim never actually listens to me and, when the drive started up, the iDauntless/i, Tim, Mel, Heero, and myself were ripped away and dealt to different universes as if we were some peculiar playing card deck. And that was the last time I ever saw any of them.
Since then, I've been spending much of my time searching the multiverse in a new form of extrauniversal travel (called multiversal slipstream drive that allows me to create actual links to other universes instead mucking around haphazardly in subspace) on my ship the iDimension Jumper/i in an attempt to locate Tim and Mel and bring us all home. Also, thanks to Tim's tinkering while in Gundam Wing, I'm a true interactive computer. I have antigraviton generators on my CPU so that I could fly about in the air by manipulating the field in certain ways. However, Tim found it unnerving talking to a floating box, so he constructed my by mobile emitter which projected a holographic image around my CPU so that I looked like a human being more or less. (I chose what I wanted to look like by sifting through a bunch of files of male pictures and, yes, yes I have masculine programing unless you haven't guessed already. What was really scary though was I had practically the same build as Tim with brown hair, brown eyes, and thinner face, amazing considering Tim's practically a fleshed-out stick figure.) And, by manipulating the program, I could make it look like I am walking, talking, dancing, jumping, etc.
However, a hologram is only projected light according to a program and photographic template which means that I was constantly putting my hands through things. So, Tim later developed a magnetic field that surrounded my holographic image tightly so that I actually had a "skin" so to speak, but I still wasn't tangible. Therefore, Tim added tiny electron beam emitters he termed beta emitters to my holographic emitter and the electrons flowed on the magnetic field lines (he collectively terms both the electrons and magnetic field a beta field) which acted like the electrons in your hands and the electrons in an object you want to grab. They repel each other and so did the electrons in my beta field did with objects I touched. The only drawback was that I really couldn't tell much of the physical properties of things when I touch them, considering I didn't have nerve receptors to transfer that information to my CPU. However, thanks to a certain, annoying prepubsecent (well, at least not in the OAV) scientist, I have a sort of holographic nervous system so that I can actually make these judgemwnts. Also, thanks to that certain scientist, I possess a holographic digestive system, teeth and a tongue so that I can eat like everyone else - which is proof I've been around biological life forms far too long. Me desiring to have things they have and do things they do!? What's next? Me in a relationship with a biological female? Dear God, that's frightening! I even gave myself my own last name which is exceedingly strange, something I haven't figured out why I did so in the first place. So people could call me "Mister" with a surname attached? That's pretty damn . . . human.
If you're reading this paragraph, then you've done one of several things, including skipping straight to the end and only reading this or having done the unthinkable and actually read everything here. If you've done the former, then you were simply wondering what this was and you better put this back into its container. If you've done the latter, then you really don't have any life outside from reading things in boxes on street corners, so I suggest to try and ask your waitress to join you for coffee because you definitely need a member of the opposite sex in your life.
However, if you are one of the people who has read this all the way through and your name happens to be Professor Timothy Edward Osborne or Jedi Knight Melissa Jona Parobi, I'm currently in Universe HF-718329 - and I'm looking.
--- Aneurysm Sasseru (T-14M5) --- Universe HF-718329
If you're reading this right now, you obviously need a life. I will leave this on some unregarded street corner in the middle of nowhere lost in the midst of the multiverse where I really don't expect anyone to find it unless they really look for it, in which case the person - if anyone - who finds this needs to meet a girl/guy/whatever the hell the opposite of your sex is and have an actual life outside of looking for things on street corners. I suggest that you put this back in the receptacle I put this in and leave it on the street corner on which I so eloquently placed it for another poor sap like yourself to find and read the above that you just have and do the exact same thing.
If, for some unfathomable reason, you are still reading this, then you either like to be insulted or you have nothing better to do than to occupy a few minutes by reading things in boxes on sidewalks (which, in both cases, you still need a life, but I've already said that). So, I suppose I should give you something to relieve your boredom because I really have nothing better to do at this moment in time than to write this, so I'm relieving my boredom by doing so. So, I guess you have the right to relieve yours, though I extremely doubt that the following would even make the slightest bit of sense to you unless you're a highly-advanced life form such as myself.
Now, you're probably wondering who I am, what makes me highly-advanced above you, and why such a highly-advanced life form is bored to begin with and, to relieve said boredom, is writing this to leave in a container on an obscure curb in the middle of the multiverse. If you're truly dense (which is the only explanation I can think of for anyone reading this far), then you're probably wondering what a multiverse is too. All will be explained in due course, assuming you can understand me because I don't have diagrams and I won't type slow.
First off, I suppose I should introduce myself: I am Aneurysm T-14M5, the Type-14 of the M5 Series of Omnitronic AI Computer Cores. That also explains why I'm so highly-advanced, because my computerized nature gives me the large IQ of 4,016, though I'm not entirely sure of the accuracy of that number anymore. At any rate, I was created by an obscure and isolated scientist who far too smart for his own good at his age, name of Timothy Osborne. I was (yes, I'm using the past tense and no I'm not a digitized ghost) his computer for nearly five years (if you don't know what a year is, then, odds are, you can't read this to begin with) and I was originally created as a large, central computer core in the middle of his laboratory underneath an Elder-Beerman's department store (a company that has proved to be one of the constants in the multiverse) in the city of Dayton in state of Ohio in the country of the United States on the planet Earth (Planet: Sol3-61905-71908) orbiting the star known as Sol (Star: Sol-71908- 23976) in the galaxy of the Milky Way (Galaxy: 23976-(RE)34081) in Intrauniversal Spacial Sector 56109 in Universe RE-349081. (One needs to be extremely precise when talking about the multiverse). I evolved in a sense in those five years, considering I distinctly remember a time when I was a stolid, well-behaved, model supercomputer. I'm not too sure when, but I decided, one day, that I wouldn't be as model and start being my own individual which, as you can read (which, at this point, I exceedingly doubt), worked out perfectly. Tim grew to tolerate me from then on, though I'm fairly sure that he probably liked me better in my latter form than my original.
Tim later decided to further my individuality, constructing a mobile unit he termed the CPU for me so that he could easily carry me around and integrate me into his spaceships and recent inventions - all of which have the capability of destroying the planet for some odd reason, although it was even odder that he actually trusted me with such devices. Then, came his icoup de grace/i, a whole new kind of time machine based on a whole new type of engine: the quantum drive. What that thing was supposed to do was to harness the inherent uncertainty of atoms and subatomic particles, offered by the uncertainty principle of quantum mechanics, to a macroscopic scale. Lord knows how he did this, because I haven't figured it out and my IQ is numerous points above his. It seemed to violate every law of physics on the books, but, lo and behold, he accomplished it. Unfortunately, it didn't prove to be as much a time machine than a universe hopper.
You see, there are an infinite number of other universes outside your own that you're reading this in and I don't mean the coffee shop you're enjoying a cappuccino in that I put this box by. (Which brings me to another constant in the multiverse: Starbucks. God, it seems that every universe I visit, there's always a Starbucks on a street corner isomewhere/i. However, I'm not entirely sure why a few universes seem to have a Starbucks everywhere you look, especially in malls and strip malls. I suppose it must be a certain quantum instability, probably a particle innate to certain universes, that causes that phenomenon which I have cleverly termed the Starbucks Syndrome. Okay, okay, maybe it wasn't ithat/i clever, but at least I'm trying not to be Greek. Anyway, where was I? Oh, right.)
All those universes together are called the multiverse, however I'm not too sure where exactly these other universes are on the grand scale of things. Other planes and/or dimensions of reality and/or existence within one arena of space-time? Possibly. Whole new areas of space-time that go undetectable by other universes by conventional - and some unconventional - means? Again, possibly. But, where ever they are, the quantum drive has the ability to break the barriers between those universes and allow access from one to another which is exactly what Tim and his friend Melissa, whom he had invited from Coruscant 10,000 years in the past from galaxy M33 and her Jedi training, the hard way.
Another odd thing about the multiverse is that anything is practically possible because of another constant in the grand scheme of things: each universe has its own set of physical laws. Now, I'm not too sure why we didn't implode when we landed in a different universe because of the change in the laws of science, but we did something equally horrendous. We discovered that, given the infinity of the multiverse, several universes were based on actual television shows from our universe which goes to show you that, either television is far more than an entertainment medium, or whatever supernatural being or progenitive process that created the multiverse had a cruel sense of humor.
We first happened to drop in on the insanely repetitive Japanese anime cartoon known as Dragonball Z (Universe DB-795324), part of the Dragon Ball continuum in our universe that revolves around a character named Goku and his friends and family that all happen to be the saviors of their universe. We arrived in a particular episode where Goku and the villain-of-the- season, the biomechanical android Cell who was constructed from cells of all the great past villains of Planet Earth (hence his unimaginitive name), were about to become enthralled in yet another battle for Planet Earth. But, we came in, disrupting their fun which was something Cell nearly vaporized Mel and Tim over. So, I quickly reactivated the drive, but I soon found out that it was getting increasingly unstable and unpredictable since, not only were Tim and Mel transported along with us, but also two other hapless Dragonball characters unintentionally came along for the ride: the cue-ball Krillin and the Sayian prince in dire need of group therapy sessions, Vegita.
After Vegita's ramblings became sufficiently ignored by everyone, we soon arrived in a universe (Universe OS-829085) belonging to yet another anime series called Outlaw Star, centered around the brash and often pigheaded Gene Starwind and his collective band of assassins, catgirls, biomechanical androids (the more benign ones, unlike Cell), and computer geeks (well, actually one of each) who tool about in their spaceship called the - guess what - Outlaw Star, looking for anything to pay off their enormous debt (well, that's at least Gene), but, basically, for excitement, adventure, and really wild things . . . wait, forget that last part. That's another universe that I'm glad I haven't encountered yet. (42 my ass! If I ever get to that universe, I'm suing the mice for false advertising of the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything because I'm damn sure ithat's/i not it, at least in the universes I've been in. It's gotta be above 60, damn it!.)
Anyway, the iOutlaw Star/i nearly ran into us, but that wasn't the worst of our problems, since the iShangri-La/i, a vessel commanded by the MacDougal brothers, Ron and Harry (who are, by far, among the most idiotic people I've ever encountered), decided to capture us. But, what was inordinately confusing was that Vegita got his abdomen blasted out by Harry who Vegita could've easily made the MacDougal's later problems with his artificial arm seem moot. Then, Tim, Mel, and Krillin were lead away, Ron taking Tim and Krillin in one direction and Harry with Mel in another, quite probably off to be interrogated about why we were chatting with Gene and friends. Naturally, I kept silent because I had to remain to make sure nobody decided to tamper with Tim's multiverse meddler of a ship and, besides, Vegita wasn't dead anyway. His arrogance had overtaken his common sense yet again and his shot to the stomach was meant to increase his power. (He was a Super-Sayian already. Dear God, I've never met anyone so power-mad before.) After a brief consultation, he punched my visual sensor into oblivion and went out to search for Ron and Harry.
I'm not too sure what transpired after Vegita left, but, when Mel returned with Tim's battered body, I knew something didn't go well. I quickly returned us home by tracking down the wave modulation of the cosmic background radiation of our universe (each universe has a different one because something different occurred in the big bang that created that particular universe, yet another brilliant deduction from yours truly), but it wasn't quick enough for Tim. By the time he was brought to the Medi-Bay in his laboratory, Tim had already flatlined. As Melissa mourned, I told her and Tim's head Robotic Unit (or RUs for short which are, basically, Tim's maintenance droids that keep the lab from falling apart), GR, to take Tim to Physics Lab 3 immediately where I knew Tim had a backup plan in case something like this were to happen.
Just before all this mess happened, Tim had managed to figure out how to asertain one's consciousness, personality, and memory as a set of programming algorithms, something which he had done partially for my programming to give me a true artificial intelligence. Now that I knew the formula, I could perform the task if Tim was placed into the Mind Transference Apparatus (not one his better names, but he never had good ones) within five minutes of his death. It took exactly four minutes and fifty-seven seconds for Mel to bring him to the lab, place him in the machine, for me to determine to mind and download it into a biomechanical android (or bioandroid for short) body, something that, quite frankly, stunned Mel, GR and, oddly, myself. We had saved Tim and, after some hugs and such, Melissa left and everything returned to a state of normality, not necessarily the one we had before though.
Now, there's something I didn't mention in the above, something extremely important. Remember how I said that the quantum drive was becoming increasingly unstable and harder to control? Well, it came to a point where the drive was so volatile that is was going to explode, something that showed up on my sensors the second we were heading back to our universe. So, it was either 1.) blow up in subspace or 2.) get rid of the thing and hope to hell that we get to our universe before the thing exploded. Melissa and I (Krillin and Vegita had been picked up by the subspace public transportation, so to speak, and reappeared back in their universe which is too confusing for me to understand, so I'm not bothering) opted for the latter choice. The drive was ejected and it exploded, but we somehow made it back to our universe in one piece, even though a lot of things weren't in one piece as we slid across the Main Repair Workshop (a name that was really ironic at that moment in time) of Tim's lab and half the thing became imbedded in the far wall. And . . . well, you know what happened after that.
Unfortunately, we were completely oblivious to what that drive's explosion had done to the fabric of the multiverse. (Also remember I said that many of Tim's inventions could destroy Earth? Well, he certainly earned quite a few brownie points with the quantum drive, nearly collapsing the multiverse like that.) Suddenly, travel between several universes could be done without a quantum drive, thanks to the drive's explosion causing a weakening of the boundaries between the universes of the multiverse which caused some rather serious side effects in the afflicted universes. However, no one seemed to notice that planets were disappearing mysteriously and civilizations were vanishing and new ones were emerging at an alarming rate. (Yet another constant in the multiverse: ignorance. But that's something I could write an entire book on by itself.) It wasn't until a large group of supervillains wound up together and started ransacking the universes that, only then, people began to think something wasn't quite right. Mel, returning to the lab fairly quickly after our last meeting, only realized something was amiss several minutes before two guys from Outlaw Star (yes, the same universe) appeared through a subspacial rift into the lab: the always annoying Professor Gwen Khan who had planned out the construction of the iOutlaw Star/i and its navigation system in the form of a naked, large-breasted lady named Melfina (Can we say hentai?); and Hazanko, the leader of the pirate syndicate called the 108 Suns and the specific leader of the specific group within the 108 Suns called the Anten Seven (which became the Anten Six, Five, Four and so on as the series waxed). They destroyed the lab, but Tim, Mel, and I escaped in Tim's prototype quantum drive ship unimaginatively termed the iMark 1/i and set off into the multiverse.
After this, I basically lost track. It grew so needlessly confusing, between the Dragonball Z fighters supposedly being destroyed when New Namek, home of the chornically green, alien race the Nameks and the head cheese of all wish-granting dragons in that universe, Porunga (a story that would require a really indepth explanation, somrthing I'm not willing to provide right now), and Gene's fight with Commander (or was it Captain at this time?) Char Aznable from the anime series iMobile Suit Gundam/i (a series that spans three different universes in of itself). And the other events leading up the actual important part of this debacle aren't truly pertinent to you understanding the story at hand, so, to save time and ink, I'll cut to the chase.
Basically, these guys' intent was reaching an obscure element of legend that pops up a considerable amount of times in ancient texts all across the multiverse: the Galactic Leyline. From the feng shui word meaning "place where chi collects," the Leyline is (yes, that's the present tense) a massive, highly-intelligent supercomputer constructed and programmed by an ancient race who possessed a great deal of knowledge of science, technology, and metaphysics. Because of this, the Leyline could manipulate the very fabric of the universe and, probably, multiverse (or the chilines of the universe[s] if you want to get all feng shui on me) to produce anything according to a set of parameters verbally entered into it. To put it simply, it's a big, fancy genie that can grant you anything your greedy, selfish, and arrogant heart desires. Political power, knowledge, wealth, a '67 Chevy with the babes from Baywatch in the backseat, you name it, the Leyline gives it to you. Gwen Khan had deciphered a great deal of information on the Leyline through ruins on a deserted planet that provided, interestingly, a set of genetic information with which to build a bioandroid navigation unit that could pilot a specially designed ship to the Leyline. That bioandroid navigation unit was Melfina and that specially designed ship was the iOutlaw Star/i (who'd have guessed?) and, by which point in time, Gene had fallen in love with both. Unfortunately, the villian's conglomerate had taken Melfina and were on their way to the Leyline while Tim and I piloted the iOutlaw Star/i there.
At the Leyline, both crews had been transported to this strange maze where all paths lead to the heart of the Leyline and where many people of both crews became engrossed in battles with one another. In the end, only Hazanko, Khan, and Frieza (another reject nemesis from Dragonball Z) on the villains' side and Gene, Tim, and Melissa on the heros' (ha!) side made it to the the finish line where Frieza met his end at Melissa's skilled hands. However, as Hazanko and Gene clashed again over Melfina, basically so Hazanko could get Gene riled up, Gene fired his last shot of his caster weapon while Hazanko did some supernatural tricks. (It's called Tao magic, but I don't see anything Taoist about it.) They both canceled out which, incidentally, canceled out the occupants of the room as well, leaving the Leyline to resurrect them. (Mind you, Tim recounted all this to me. I was having oh-so stimulating conversations with the iOutlaw Star/i's main computer Gilliam II, the most boring artificial intelligence, in any form of himself, across the multiverse. I'm fairly sure talking to Deep Blue, [who, interestingly enough, has beaten Gary Kasparov at chess in over 12,000 universes to date] would've been more exciting. At least then I would've gotten a game out of the deal.)
Those who had made wishes (Khan, Hazanko, Tim, and Mel) had gotten them granted, meaning now Khan was a data file in the Leyline and Hazanko was the most powerful guy on the block. So, it was up to us to stop him from taking over the multiverse and Gene, with a little help from us, whipped Hazanko's butt and caused the invincible pirate leader to explode in a large conflagration and good had prevailed once again. (Naturally, but it does get boring after a while.)
We then said our good-byes and went our separate ways and Tim and Melissa had made quite sure that this sort of thing wouldn't happen again. Their wishes at the Leyline restored the boundaries between the universes and outlawed the use of quantum drives by the laws of multiversal physics with the exception of a last trip to get us home. But, Tim goofed up yet again - a goof that would cause more trouble for all of us separately.
We wound up in a universe where the anime series Gundam Wing (yes, one of those Gundam universes revolving around giant, robotic suits) prevailed (GW- 61904) concerning Heero Yuy and his four other Gundam mobile suit pilots that fight for the freedom of the Earth colonies (most of the time) from the rather oppressive government of Earth, all of which are under constant attack by four billion different factions who all want power. This quite happened to be Mel's favorite series because of Heero whom she loves dearly and thinks is totally hot (something I fail to see), so she spent an inordinate amount of time with him as Tim and I tried to figure out a way out of this mess. We decided, since this current quantum drive would never work in the multiverse again, to build a whole new quantum drive through equations and designs that seemed to look exactly like the ones Tim used on the original drive, but Tim was vehement that it would work. Naturally I wasn't because, I knew if this didn't work, our atoms would be spread across the multiverse like butter on bread, an experience I really wasn't up to feeling. However, what surprised me was that, in those equations, Tim discovered a loophole in which the quantum drive, with a few modifications, could go through. Even though, that loophole was tortuously complex and, truly, it didn't exactly work either.
After completely overhauling the iMark 1/i with parts from destroyed Gundams and christening it the iDauntless/i, we were ready to return to our own universe, however Mel had grown so attached to Heero that she didn't want to leave without him. (Emotions are horrendously overrated let me tell you. All they do is cloud your judgment, make you do things you wouldn't even dream of doing under normal circumstances, and motivate you into often wrong directions when trying to solve a problem. Now, I have emotional capability which you've obviously guessed by now, but it's not like I've experienced every single one and I'd like to keep it that way. Love is honestly the worst of all emotions. A man/woman/whatever the hell you are is driven by the primal urge to propagate the species, but, being sentient and all, you have to gussy it up because it's inappropriate to immediately bonk someone that makes your blood pressure rise when you see them. So, in order to get yourself in their pants, you have to buy overly expensive gifts, spend an inordinate amount of time with that person, and utter such phrases as "I love you" and "You're the only one for me" to make them feel all mushy and you're lucky if you get a kiss on the lips without tongue. And, guess what? Usually, the person you're in love with dumps you for an idiotic reason and you feel another wonderful emotion called depression which lingers with you for an immense amount of time. It all seems revolting to me and the way you're supposed to continue the species is terribly messy, but that's a paper in of itself.)
So, in a move that made absolutely no sense, Tim decided to ibring Heero along/i despite the fact that I had stressed with him numerous time before that having too much matter transporting between universes increased our chances of becoming Parkay to the multiverse. Of course, Tim never actually listens to me and, when the drive started up, the iDauntless/i, Tim, Mel, Heero, and myself were ripped away and dealt to different universes as if we were some peculiar playing card deck. And that was the last time I ever saw any of them.
Since then, I've been spending much of my time searching the multiverse in a new form of extrauniversal travel (called multiversal slipstream drive that allows me to create actual links to other universes instead mucking around haphazardly in subspace) on my ship the iDimension Jumper/i in an attempt to locate Tim and Mel and bring us all home. Also, thanks to Tim's tinkering while in Gundam Wing, I'm a true interactive computer. I have antigraviton generators on my CPU so that I could fly about in the air by manipulating the field in certain ways. However, Tim found it unnerving talking to a floating box, so he constructed my by mobile emitter which projected a holographic image around my CPU so that I looked like a human being more or less. (I chose what I wanted to look like by sifting through a bunch of files of male pictures and, yes, yes I have masculine programing unless you haven't guessed already. What was really scary though was I had practically the same build as Tim with brown hair, brown eyes, and thinner face, amazing considering Tim's practically a fleshed-out stick figure.) And, by manipulating the program, I could make it look like I am walking, talking, dancing, jumping, etc.
However, a hologram is only projected light according to a program and photographic template which means that I was constantly putting my hands through things. So, Tim later developed a magnetic field that surrounded my holographic image tightly so that I actually had a "skin" so to speak, but I still wasn't tangible. Therefore, Tim added tiny electron beam emitters he termed beta emitters to my holographic emitter and the electrons flowed on the magnetic field lines (he collectively terms both the electrons and magnetic field a beta field) which acted like the electrons in your hands and the electrons in an object you want to grab. They repel each other and so did the electrons in my beta field did with objects I touched. The only drawback was that I really couldn't tell much of the physical properties of things when I touch them, considering I didn't have nerve receptors to transfer that information to my CPU. However, thanks to a certain, annoying prepubsecent (well, at least not in the OAV) scientist, I have a sort of holographic nervous system so that I can actually make these judgemwnts. Also, thanks to that certain scientist, I possess a holographic digestive system, teeth and a tongue so that I can eat like everyone else - which is proof I've been around biological life forms far too long. Me desiring to have things they have and do things they do!? What's next? Me in a relationship with a biological female? Dear God, that's frightening! I even gave myself my own last name which is exceedingly strange, something I haven't figured out why I did so in the first place. So people could call me "Mister" with a surname attached? That's pretty damn . . . human.
If you're reading this paragraph, then you've done one of several things, including skipping straight to the end and only reading this or having done the unthinkable and actually read everything here. If you've done the former, then you were simply wondering what this was and you better put this back into its container. If you've done the latter, then you really don't have any life outside from reading things in boxes on street corners, so I suggest to try and ask your waitress to join you for coffee because you definitely need a member of the opposite sex in your life.
However, if you are one of the people who has read this all the way through and your name happens to be Professor Timothy Edward Osborne or Jedi Knight Melissa Jona Parobi, I'm currently in Universe HF-718329 - and I'm looking.
--- Aneurysm Sasseru (T-14M5) --- Universe HF-718329