Shop 'Till Ya Drop!
By PepsiAngel
Disclaimer: Nikki is mine! So are any characters that make brief appearances. Gildy belongs to J.K. Rowling, lucky woman, and JC Penney's sure isn't mine. I don't know if they have Penney's in England but let's pretend they do.
Author's Note: Nikki is from It's A Hair Dresser's Life For Us. If you have not read it, read it. You might want to do so first or else this story ruins the plot. Oh, and if you hate Gildy DIE! Um, I mean, you should really rethink that. He's awesome.
Dedicated to: The only person who loves His Magicalness more than I do, Miss Nita. Happy birthday darling! You are a wonderful friend and spectacular writer. Everyone should bow down to your brilliance.
Nicole Mason is a relatively rational person. But this was perhaps the least logical thing she had ever done, next to the whole falling in love with Gilderoy escapade. She had agreed to take him on a trip to the mall.
Gasp.
GASP.
GASP!
For those extra slow readers who have yet to figure this out, she had basically agreed to her own death. However, it's like they say, love makes you do crazy things. But this was beyond crazy.
"Dear? Dearest?" the voice of an angel rang out through Nikki's two-bedroom apartment.
She groaned before answering, "Yeah?"
What now? She only hoped it wasn't another spider scare. Last time, the big bad arachnid had turned out to be nothing but a harmless ant. To give Gilderoy some credit, it was a rather large ant and he wasn't wearing his contacts.
She walked as slowly as she possibly could toward the kitchen, but despite her efforts it still took less than ten seconds.
"Nikki! Help me!" he squealed as she entered the square of linoleum you could hardly call a room. He pointed hysterically at a style magazine (it just so happened to belong to her), which sat open on the table.
"What?" She asked blankly, clearly confused.
Gilderoy took a deep breath before answering her in the same earsplitting voice. "They have a lime green mini skirt in that! Save me from this fashion nightmare!"
He was supposed to be the man in this relationship? Hardly.
She grabbed the magazine and closed it effortlessly. Fashion crisis averted. He sighed in relief but she rolled her eyes, "Ta freakin' da." Ah, some things will never change.
…While some things really should.
Ignoring her sarcasm, he exclaimed, "Promise me on a signed copy of Magical Me that you'll never wear a lime green mini skirt." He shuddered as he repeated the dreaded words.
"I didn't plan on it."
He nodded, seemingly pleased. "Let's say we get on with this shopping trip!"
The guy had a one-track mind. He offered his arm to her and she gladly took it, giggling like she was a regular Britney lovin' ditz. (I was in no way referring to Jessica or Tonee. Honestly.) And this incident was forgotten quickly, as she managed to grab her sweatshirt while being yanked out the door.
* * *
"Oh, wow!" exclaimed Gilderoy in awe as they entered the gargantuan mall, which had been completely decked out in early Christmas garb. Nikki eyed the people; all filled with so-called holiday cheer, and decided they were as artificial as the giant green tree in the middle of the shopping center.
This should have been a forewarning of what misfortune was waiting for her today.
Nikki opted for cynicism, "Isn't it just fantastic?"
Gilderoy glared at her. "As a matter of fact it is quite excellent!"
"Whoa, mark the calendar everyone! Gilderoy Lockhart detected sarcasm!" She pretended to write on her hand with an invisible pen.
He smiled at her, "I'm not going to let you or your… sarcasm ruin my day."
Once again, she linked her arm through his bent arm gratefully. "Now, brighten up Miss Moody Pants!"
Nikki couldn't help but giggle and her laughter was only increased by the bewildered look on Lockhart's face.
Despite the absurdity of his statement, she took it to heart and was determined to have fun.
Still hooked together, they strolled through the mall and she patiently watched as he admired the displays in every last store window. From the dazed and admiring look on his face, you would have though he was staring in the mirror.
Finally, 2 hours, 25 windows, 3 pairs of shoes, and 1 cup of hot chocolate later, Nikki informed Gilderoy that they must stop off at JC Penney's. There was a shirt that, she embarrassedly admitted, was too small for her that she needed to take back.
As soon as they walked into the clothing department, he was absolutely entranced. She had to drag him up to the counter and, if you looked closely enough, you could almost detect slobber forming around the corner of his mouth as he drooled at the clothes.
"Ok, Gildy, I will let you go look…"
His eyes lit up.
"Maybe even buy…"
All right, he was officially panting. She wrinkled her nose in disgust.
"Get a hold of yourself, we're in public!" Immediately, he straightened up and wiped the saliva away. "I'm going to go to the bathroom now, all the disturbing amount of red and green is really getting to me and I am starting to feel nauseous. You'll be fine alone for a few minutes, or at least I hope so."
He smiled at her charmingly, "Of course."
She tried to smile back but got a glimpse of a fake fireplace, complete with three stockings, and decided against it. Who knew what would come out of her mouth? That would not be pretty.
It was only five or six minutes that she was in the bathroom (she didn't barf, if you must know) but we all know far too well that plenty of mischief can take place in that short amount of time. For those of us who didn't know, Lockhart is about to teach you all a lesson.
As soon as she stepped out of the restroom, she knew something was wrong. First of all, Gilderoy was nowhere to be seen. She had started to gaze around frantically when-
"NIKKI!"
Oh no. Her eyes quickly followed the voice to the juniors' dressing room and her heart took a nosedive as she realized that this was the start of his notorious mayhem.
"Isn't it fabulous?" His voice was literally booming and she wouldn't be surprised if the whole store heard him. She tried to quiet him as she grew near but it did not seem to be working.
"Isn't what fabulous…" her voice trailed off at the sight that lie before her.
There stood Gilderoy squeezed into a shockingly orange, not to mention skin tight, shirt. Please, when reading this story keep in mind that this was designed for teenaged girls. Across the chest were the navy blue, sparkly words declaring I'm so great… I'm jealous of myself for the entire world to see.
A middle aged lady and a younger woman were gawking at him, wide-eyed, and the one who was presumably the mother was clutching onto her daughter's hand protectively. She whispered something and the two of them rushed away.
The others who were watching him in ill-disguised astonishment seemed petrified with fear. Was this man insane? Why was he wearing that? Two questions Nikki was asking herself as well.
"Excuse me, sir," someone interrupted firmly.
Gilderoy whirled around and stared at the source of the voice with wide, innocent eyes. "Are you a policeman?"
"Not exactly, I'm with Mall Security," the man told him in the same stern tone.
"What do you need, Officer?"
"Actually," he began but thought better of it. "Yes, Officer… anyway, the clerks at this store seem to be having a problem with you."
This confused poor Lockhart. "Do tell me what this so called problem is!"
"You are causing quite a disturbance, sir. That shirt wasn't exactly made for a grown man."
Gilderoy chuckled arrogantly, "Yes, yes, so I've been told. But I have certainly never met anyone who is better fit to wear this shirt than I. Have you?"
"No?" He guessed, entirely confused and surer than ever that this fellow was crazy.
"Exactly! After all you know what they say… there's no one as great as great ol' Gilderoy!"
"Right, yes, I was about to guess that!" He chuckled at his own weak joke. "I'm sorry, sir, for all the trouble."
He then turned to the crowd of onlookers. "Carry on everyone!"
"How did you accomplish that?" Nikki asked, her eyes still on the Guard's retreating back.
Gilderoy gave her his signature wink and waved his hand mysteriously, "I have this affect on people."
She did not bother to question his logic and instead suggested that they hurry and leave the story before any more damage could be done. He bought the top, much to Nikki's distress, and very nearly bought another shirt with an equally egotistical message on it.
"Can I wear it now?" He asked excitedly, as soon as they were out of the store.
"Absolutely not, you simpleton!" replied Nikki.
"But I'd really like to…"
"NO."
"C'mon…"
"My answer is final and all this begging is simply going to make me cross with you."
He hardly had time to pout before his azure eyes lit up like gems. Nikki grinned despite herself, glad to see him happy. That is, until the root of his joy was discovered.
"Is that Santa Clause?"
She looked up and saw a portly, jolly man with a white beard and red coat sitting on a large chair. In front of him was a very long line of kids and a handful of individuals in ridiculous elf costumes.
"Yes, that certainly is!" She answered laughingly.
"I've always wanted to meet Saint Nick!" he confessed and ran off to join the growing procession of excited children.
Nikki sighed deeply and collapsed onto a conveniently placed bench. Through the spaces between her fingers, which were covering her face, the smallest trace of a small could be seen.
Sure Gilderoy was a childish narcissist with a fetish for girls' clothes, but Nikki loved him anyway. And as long as he never changed, she always would.
FIN.