Chapter 10
Linda, the Emergency Room nurse, assisted Monica to a chair. Dr. Gamboa had been called into immediate surgery on another patient.
"I don't understand," Monica said, still in shock. "How did this happen?"
"Let me get you some water," Linda said. "I'll be right back."
Monica fumbled in her purse until she found her cell phone. There were people she needed to call. Why couldn't she think of their names?! Linda returned and found Monica sobbing uncontrollably. She placed the plastic cup on the table and took Monica into her arms, gently rocking her back and forth.
"I'm so sorry," Linda said.
"Chandler can't die. He just can't! I need to see him. I need to be with him. He has to know I'm here and that I love him. This can't be how it ends!"
Linda retrieved Monica's phone, which had fallen to the floor, and handed it to her. "You make your calls, and I'll talk to Mr. Bing's nurse. He's just been moved from the Recovery Room to ICU. I'll be right back to tell you what she says."
"Okay."
Monica took a long swallow of the cold water and tried to gather her wits. She needed to call Rachel. She needed Rachel to look in her address book for Nora Bing's phone number. She also needed to ask Nora to let Chandler's father know.
**
The gang had left Central Perk and had gathered at Joey's apartment for pizza. Rachel picked up her cell phone from the counter and said "hello". As soon as she heard Monica's voice, she knew something was wrong. She motioned with her hand for the others to be quiet.
"Monica, what is it?"
At the urgency in Rachel's voice, the room became still as the others collectively held their breaths, hoping it wasn't bad news about Chandler.
"Okay, sweetie. I understand. I can do that. I'll go over there right now. Don't worry about it. I'll call Nora. You just go be with Chandler, okay? And Monica, we all love you and Chandler, and we're here for both of you. Keep in touch."
Rachel had tears in her eyes when she ended the call. "Chandler took a turn for the worse. He...he had to have surgery to remove his gall bladder. There were...complications. They...they..." She paused, cleared her throat and tried one more time to get the words out. "They don't think he's going to make it."
"WHAT?!" Joey screamed, jumping out of his recliner. "No, Rach, that can't be right. You must've misunderstood Monica. Chandler's not dying. He can't be. I won't let him!"
"Honey, I'm sorry, but it's true. I gotta...I gotta go across the hall. I need to find Nora's phone number and let her know what's going on."
"Somebody's made a big mistake," Joey said to Ross and Phoebe. "There's no way Chandler's dying. I just talked to him this morning!"
"Joey, sweetie," Phoebe said, trying to keep her composure, "remember you said he didn't sound great? Something else must have happened to him."
"This is your fault!" Joey yelled, pointing his finger at Phoebe. "You were the one who said he was going to die. Why did you have to say that?!"
Phoebe looked contrite. Ross tried to calm everyone.
"Joey, it's not going to do any good to yell at Phoebe. You know she's not responsible for this."
"This is Chandler!" Joey cried. "Your college roommate. The man your sister was going to marry! Don't you care that he might die and that Monica is the only one with him?!"
"Of course I care."
"I don't think you do. I'm going to their apartment. Rachel shouldn't be alone."
After a moment's hesitation, Ross and Phoebe followed Joey. They found a distraught Rachel sitting on the sofa.
"I talked to Nora's assistant. Nora is on some kind of whirlwind book tour. She said she'll do her best to track her down."
"I want to go be with Chandler and Monica," Joey declared. "They need me. I need them. Chandler is my best friend, and he just can't be..."
Joey's voice broke. He turned away from his friends. Rachel stepped in front of him and pulled him into a hug. After a few moments of silence, they cried on each other's shoulders.
Ross and Phoebe shared a curious look.
"Joey, honey, I don't think we can get to St. Croix, but how about if we go light a candle for Chandler at St. Andrew's church. Would you like to do that?"
"Yeah," Joey said, pulling away from Rachel. "I wanna do that."
"Okay, let's go."
Ross stared after Rachel, who held Joey's hand as they left the apartment.
"When...when...when did that happen?!"
"When you weren't looking, obviously," Phoebe quipped.
Ross did a double take and then escorted Phoebe out of the apartment so they could walk to the church.
**
"Ms. Geller?" Linda said.
"Please. Call me Monica."
"Okay, Monica. I talked to Emma, Mr. Bing's nurse, and she said...what? What is it? What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Monica said, shaking her head, as sadness consumed her.
How could she tell Linda that Chandler's nurse had the same name that she'd always wanted for her baby. The little girl who would never be.
"Emma said that you can visit with Mr. Bing for a little while. But she wanted me to warn you that he is hooked up to many monitors."
"I understand."
Linda gave her a serene smile and took her hand. "Let's go."
Monica tentatively entered Chandler's room. She thought she was prepared for whatever she might see, but one glance in his direction told her how wrong she was. He looked ashen. Monitors beeped constantly; Monica jumped at every sound.
"You can sit or stand by his side," Emma said. "Hold his hand. Talk to him. We never know what a person in a coma might respond to. I'll be monitoring him from the nurses' desk."
Monica stood by the left side of the bed and placed her arm on the metal railing. She lightly stroked his hair, hoping he could somehow feel her touch and draw much-needed strength from it. She stared at him for the longest time, trying to come to terms with reality.
"Hi, Chandler," she finally said, placing his cool hand gently in hers and kissing his fingers so as not to disturb his IV. "It's me. Monica. I really hope you can hear me. If I thought loud talking would help, I'd shout at you. Sweetie, I love you, and I want you to open your eyes. I know you're in pain, and I know, right now, you're probably in a better place where you need to be, but I need you to be here with me. I wish I could tell you all the things that are in my heart, but I...I just...I want you to know that I'm here and that I'm not leaving you, Chandler. I love you so much. Please, please come back to me!"
**
For all I've been blessed with in this life
There was an emptiness in me
I was imprisoned by the power of gold
But one honest touch could set me free
Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you
**
"Go ahead, Joey," Rachel encouraged.
They stood at the altar of the empty church; Joey had chosen his candle and was looking for another flame to light the wick.
Ross and Phoebe stood behind them.
Joey lit the candle and held it in between his hands as he looked at the cross.
"I...I know you don't hear from me very often," he began.
Rachel wrapped her arm around his waist and hugged him closer to her.
"But my friend...no, he is so much more than a friend...he...he's the brother I never had...they say he's dying in St. Croix. I don't wanna believe it because I can't handle the idea that I might never see him again. He went on a cruise to try to work things out with this woman he loves; and instead, he got sick and now...now me and my other friends may never see him again! Please, God, don't take him away from us. He's a great guy, and he just...he wanted another chance with Monica. He hasn't done anything wrong. I would miss him so much. He's done so much for me, and I haven't been able to repay him...and I don't want him dying thinking that I didn't appreciate what he did for me because without him...I would've never been able to...I mean I couldn't have...I...I can't do this!" Joey cried.
"Sshh, it's all right," Rachel said, taking the candle from Joey and placing it in its holder. "You did great. You said what was in your heart."
"But what if it's not enough?! What if it doesn't save Chandler?!"
"I think it will," Rachel said, her eyes shining brightly with unshed tears. "Let's go back to your place. Maybe Monica will call with good news."
Wordlessly, Ross embraced Joey and kept a firm hand on his shoulder as they left the church.
Phoebe languished behind her three friends who were in so much pain. She didn't have the heart to tell them, but in her mind's eye, she'd already seen Chandler. He was with an angel.
**
Monica gently massaged Chandler's fingers as she continued speaking to him.
"Our fights seem so trivial to me now," she told him honestly. "There's so much I would've done differently if I'd only known. Why did I take you for granted? Why did I assume you would be there when I was ready to talk? I should've come to you, Chandler. I should've remembered the foundation of our relationship. Friendship first and always. I could always talk to you. But I was too weak, too guilty, too petrified that if I leveled with you, I would lose you forever. I've been a coward. I should've taken the chance because this is so much worse than I could've ever imagined.
"I don't know much about the afterlife, but I do believe in it, and because I do, I have to tell you something, Chandler, because I couldn't bear it if I lost you without you ever knowing this. Before we broke up, I found out I was pregnant. We...we were going to have a baby. But two months later, I lost it. I had a miscarriage. So many times I wanted to tell you I was pregnant, and I never did. I'm so sorry. I should've trusted in our love, and instead, I panicked. Big time. I was going to tell you on New Year's Eve, but then we had that huge fight, and you said we should call off the wedding, and I got scared, and then...and then you told me you were moving out."
Tears ran freely down Monica's cheeks as she tried to tell Chandler's sleeping form what had happened.
"I thought things would calm down between us, and then we would talk. But I...I guess I didn't take good enough care of myself and our baby, and I lost her. I lost her, Chandler, and I'm so sorry! After that, I just fell apart. I felt I didn't deserve you, and I felt everything my mother had ever said about me was true. I couldn't keep you and I couldn't keep our baby. That's why I gave you the ring back. I thought I could get over you and our loss, but I couldn't. I fell into a deep depression.
"I went on the cruise because I couldn't be in my apartment, knowing that I was supposed to have been giving birth to our baby. I needed a distraction. I foolishly thought Daniel might serve that purpose until I saw you again. When you showed up, I thought you had found out. I thought you were going to confront me, and I wasn't ready. I knew you deserved an explanation. I was putting one together on the cruise. I was going to come back and tell you everything. I promise you I was, but...but, Chandler, oh, man, I never meant for any of this to happen! Please be hearing me, Chandler. Please know that I could never stop loving you. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. For everything. Chandler, please, know that I love you more than anything and that I would give anything if only you would come back to me!"
An alarming sound coming from the heart monitor stopped Monica. In a manner of seconds, strong hands pushed her away from Chandler. She sank to her knees, looking on in horror, as she let loose a blood-curdling scream.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Chandler had flatlined.
**
For every mountain I have climbed
And every raging river crossed
You were the treasure that I'd longed to find
Without your love I would be lost
Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you
Song credit: "In This Life" - Collin Raye
TBC
Linda, the Emergency Room nurse, assisted Monica to a chair. Dr. Gamboa had been called into immediate surgery on another patient.
"I don't understand," Monica said, still in shock. "How did this happen?"
"Let me get you some water," Linda said. "I'll be right back."
Monica fumbled in her purse until she found her cell phone. There were people she needed to call. Why couldn't she think of their names?! Linda returned and found Monica sobbing uncontrollably. She placed the plastic cup on the table and took Monica into her arms, gently rocking her back and forth.
"I'm so sorry," Linda said.
"Chandler can't die. He just can't! I need to see him. I need to be with him. He has to know I'm here and that I love him. This can't be how it ends!"
Linda retrieved Monica's phone, which had fallen to the floor, and handed it to her. "You make your calls, and I'll talk to Mr. Bing's nurse. He's just been moved from the Recovery Room to ICU. I'll be right back to tell you what she says."
"Okay."
Monica took a long swallow of the cold water and tried to gather her wits. She needed to call Rachel. She needed Rachel to look in her address book for Nora Bing's phone number. She also needed to ask Nora to let Chandler's father know.
**
The gang had left Central Perk and had gathered at Joey's apartment for pizza. Rachel picked up her cell phone from the counter and said "hello". As soon as she heard Monica's voice, she knew something was wrong. She motioned with her hand for the others to be quiet.
"Monica, what is it?"
At the urgency in Rachel's voice, the room became still as the others collectively held their breaths, hoping it wasn't bad news about Chandler.
"Okay, sweetie. I understand. I can do that. I'll go over there right now. Don't worry about it. I'll call Nora. You just go be with Chandler, okay? And Monica, we all love you and Chandler, and we're here for both of you. Keep in touch."
Rachel had tears in her eyes when she ended the call. "Chandler took a turn for the worse. He...he had to have surgery to remove his gall bladder. There were...complications. They...they..." She paused, cleared her throat and tried one more time to get the words out. "They don't think he's going to make it."
"WHAT?!" Joey screamed, jumping out of his recliner. "No, Rach, that can't be right. You must've misunderstood Monica. Chandler's not dying. He can't be. I won't let him!"
"Honey, I'm sorry, but it's true. I gotta...I gotta go across the hall. I need to find Nora's phone number and let her know what's going on."
"Somebody's made a big mistake," Joey said to Ross and Phoebe. "There's no way Chandler's dying. I just talked to him this morning!"
"Joey, sweetie," Phoebe said, trying to keep her composure, "remember you said he didn't sound great? Something else must have happened to him."
"This is your fault!" Joey yelled, pointing his finger at Phoebe. "You were the one who said he was going to die. Why did you have to say that?!"
Phoebe looked contrite. Ross tried to calm everyone.
"Joey, it's not going to do any good to yell at Phoebe. You know she's not responsible for this."
"This is Chandler!" Joey cried. "Your college roommate. The man your sister was going to marry! Don't you care that he might die and that Monica is the only one with him?!"
"Of course I care."
"I don't think you do. I'm going to their apartment. Rachel shouldn't be alone."
After a moment's hesitation, Ross and Phoebe followed Joey. They found a distraught Rachel sitting on the sofa.
"I talked to Nora's assistant. Nora is on some kind of whirlwind book tour. She said she'll do her best to track her down."
"I want to go be with Chandler and Monica," Joey declared. "They need me. I need them. Chandler is my best friend, and he just can't be..."
Joey's voice broke. He turned away from his friends. Rachel stepped in front of him and pulled him into a hug. After a few moments of silence, they cried on each other's shoulders.
Ross and Phoebe shared a curious look.
"Joey, honey, I don't think we can get to St. Croix, but how about if we go light a candle for Chandler at St. Andrew's church. Would you like to do that?"
"Yeah," Joey said, pulling away from Rachel. "I wanna do that."
"Okay, let's go."
Ross stared after Rachel, who held Joey's hand as they left the apartment.
"When...when...when did that happen?!"
"When you weren't looking, obviously," Phoebe quipped.
Ross did a double take and then escorted Phoebe out of the apartment so they could walk to the church.
**
"Ms. Geller?" Linda said.
"Please. Call me Monica."
"Okay, Monica. I talked to Emma, Mr. Bing's nurse, and she said...what? What is it? What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Monica said, shaking her head, as sadness consumed her.
How could she tell Linda that Chandler's nurse had the same name that she'd always wanted for her baby. The little girl who would never be.
"Emma said that you can visit with Mr. Bing for a little while. But she wanted me to warn you that he is hooked up to many monitors."
"I understand."
Linda gave her a serene smile and took her hand. "Let's go."
Monica tentatively entered Chandler's room. She thought she was prepared for whatever she might see, but one glance in his direction told her how wrong she was. He looked ashen. Monitors beeped constantly; Monica jumped at every sound.
"You can sit or stand by his side," Emma said. "Hold his hand. Talk to him. We never know what a person in a coma might respond to. I'll be monitoring him from the nurses' desk."
Monica stood by the left side of the bed and placed her arm on the metal railing. She lightly stroked his hair, hoping he could somehow feel her touch and draw much-needed strength from it. She stared at him for the longest time, trying to come to terms with reality.
"Hi, Chandler," she finally said, placing his cool hand gently in hers and kissing his fingers so as not to disturb his IV. "It's me. Monica. I really hope you can hear me. If I thought loud talking would help, I'd shout at you. Sweetie, I love you, and I want you to open your eyes. I know you're in pain, and I know, right now, you're probably in a better place where you need to be, but I need you to be here with me. I wish I could tell you all the things that are in my heart, but I...I just...I want you to know that I'm here and that I'm not leaving you, Chandler. I love you so much. Please, please come back to me!"
**
For all I've been blessed with in this life
There was an emptiness in me
I was imprisoned by the power of gold
But one honest touch could set me free
Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you
**
"Go ahead, Joey," Rachel encouraged.
They stood at the altar of the empty church; Joey had chosen his candle and was looking for another flame to light the wick.
Ross and Phoebe stood behind them.
Joey lit the candle and held it in between his hands as he looked at the cross.
"I...I know you don't hear from me very often," he began.
Rachel wrapped her arm around his waist and hugged him closer to her.
"But my friend...no, he is so much more than a friend...he...he's the brother I never had...they say he's dying in St. Croix. I don't wanna believe it because I can't handle the idea that I might never see him again. He went on a cruise to try to work things out with this woman he loves; and instead, he got sick and now...now me and my other friends may never see him again! Please, God, don't take him away from us. He's a great guy, and he just...he wanted another chance with Monica. He hasn't done anything wrong. I would miss him so much. He's done so much for me, and I haven't been able to repay him...and I don't want him dying thinking that I didn't appreciate what he did for me because without him...I would've never been able to...I mean I couldn't have...I...I can't do this!" Joey cried.
"Sshh, it's all right," Rachel said, taking the candle from Joey and placing it in its holder. "You did great. You said what was in your heart."
"But what if it's not enough?! What if it doesn't save Chandler?!"
"I think it will," Rachel said, her eyes shining brightly with unshed tears. "Let's go back to your place. Maybe Monica will call with good news."
Wordlessly, Ross embraced Joey and kept a firm hand on his shoulder as they left the church.
Phoebe languished behind her three friends who were in so much pain. She didn't have the heart to tell them, but in her mind's eye, she'd already seen Chandler. He was with an angel.
**
Monica gently massaged Chandler's fingers as she continued speaking to him.
"Our fights seem so trivial to me now," she told him honestly. "There's so much I would've done differently if I'd only known. Why did I take you for granted? Why did I assume you would be there when I was ready to talk? I should've come to you, Chandler. I should've remembered the foundation of our relationship. Friendship first and always. I could always talk to you. But I was too weak, too guilty, too petrified that if I leveled with you, I would lose you forever. I've been a coward. I should've taken the chance because this is so much worse than I could've ever imagined.
"I don't know much about the afterlife, but I do believe in it, and because I do, I have to tell you something, Chandler, because I couldn't bear it if I lost you without you ever knowing this. Before we broke up, I found out I was pregnant. We...we were going to have a baby. But two months later, I lost it. I had a miscarriage. So many times I wanted to tell you I was pregnant, and I never did. I'm so sorry. I should've trusted in our love, and instead, I panicked. Big time. I was going to tell you on New Year's Eve, but then we had that huge fight, and you said we should call off the wedding, and I got scared, and then...and then you told me you were moving out."
Tears ran freely down Monica's cheeks as she tried to tell Chandler's sleeping form what had happened.
"I thought things would calm down between us, and then we would talk. But I...I guess I didn't take good enough care of myself and our baby, and I lost her. I lost her, Chandler, and I'm so sorry! After that, I just fell apart. I felt I didn't deserve you, and I felt everything my mother had ever said about me was true. I couldn't keep you and I couldn't keep our baby. That's why I gave you the ring back. I thought I could get over you and our loss, but I couldn't. I fell into a deep depression.
"I went on the cruise because I couldn't be in my apartment, knowing that I was supposed to have been giving birth to our baby. I needed a distraction. I foolishly thought Daniel might serve that purpose until I saw you again. When you showed up, I thought you had found out. I thought you were going to confront me, and I wasn't ready. I knew you deserved an explanation. I was putting one together on the cruise. I was going to come back and tell you everything. I promise you I was, but...but, Chandler, oh, man, I never meant for any of this to happen! Please be hearing me, Chandler. Please know that I could never stop loving you. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. For everything. Chandler, please, know that I love you more than anything and that I would give anything if only you would come back to me!"
An alarming sound coming from the heart monitor stopped Monica. In a manner of seconds, strong hands pushed her away from Chandler. She sank to her knees, looking on in horror, as she let loose a blood-curdling scream.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Chandler had flatlined.
**
For every mountain I have climbed
And every raging river crossed
You were the treasure that I'd longed to find
Without your love I would be lost
Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you
Song credit: "In This Life" - Collin Raye
TBC