PEOPLE'S COURT
Main Characters: (will change chapter to chapter)
-Kevin Kelly (Bailiff)
-The Rock (Judge who does nothing)
-Kane (Fluffah)
-Undertaker (Fluffah)
-RVD (Plaintiff)
-Jericho (Defendant)
-Jeff Hardy (Still stuck in the Walls of Jericho)
-Veronica (Dictator of the World/after Jeff Hardy and Jericho)
-Lance Storm (Un-American. I mean Anti-American *it sounds better*)
-Tommy Dreamer (Witness)
-And others, many others…
Disclaimer: Blah. I don't own anything. Vince owns everything; we're just here to buy his pay-per-views. (Ha! I even stole that from Rampage magazine…whoa, I'm lame..). Oh yea, this will be FILLED with shameless plugs for other authors. Thanks to all those who review!
To the Authors mentioned: My bitter sarcasm and randomity might come at your expense. Take it as a compliment because that is what it is meant as. That really makes no sense. Just don't take offence to the stuff I'm saying unless you're Veronica or Dani. Veronica and Dani: take offence to it all. J
SETTING: Parts of this take place before the unification of the Hardcore Title and Parts of it take part after that. I started writing this a while ago, and I had planned to finish it before Summerslam, but SCHOOL got in the way. Damn School.
*Sniff*
Author: So, I told Jeff Hardy that if he wanted to get out of the Walls of Jericho, he would have to admit that he's on heroine. But, he didn't want to admit it. So he's going to stay in the Walls of Jericho. Then, I told him I was going on vacation. He's never going to get out of the Walls.
Bob: You just got back from vacation.
Author: Not a real Vacation Bob el Stop Sign. I'm back in school so I'm taking breaks.
Bob: So, Jeff is never going to get out of the Walls?
Author: Perhaps, but you just don't know he might get out now..(Pause) Nope, he's still in the Walls. I just don't know how long he can last. There is no tapping out in this placeness.
Bob: Eh?
Author: You're no fun. Get out of my story.
Bob: I have the day off?
Author: What are you talking about? You never actually help me. You're not my muse, you're my *secret* identity-counter-part person.
Bob: Oh yeah. I forgot. (Leaves)
Author: So, last we checked Kane was talking to himself.
Kane: No I wasn't.
Author: Really?
Kane: Yes!
Author: Oops. I was talking to myself. Sorry. I'm not the brightest sometimes.
Kane: I've noticed.
Author: You're so lucky your fluffah.
Kane: Fluffy? I'M FLUFFY???????!?
Author: Yes. (Taker randomly appears)
Taker: HA! You're fluffy!!
Author: TAKERRRRRRRR!! You're fluffah too.
Taker: WHAT?!?
Author: Sorry, you're not Austin who's a wife-beater by the way. Kane and Taker are fluffah.
Taker: Since when?
Author: You've always been fluffah.
Taker: I don't like you.
Author: (cries) not……nice…….
Taker: What the-? (Disappears)
Author: (sniff) Where's Kevin Kelly?
Kane: He's plotting against the Rock.
Author: (sniffling still) That's good. But, he really needs to start this case. (Kane gives the Author a hug. She stops sniffling.) Thank you Kane. (Kevin Kelly walks in) You're late.
Kevin: Sorry, Taker made me listen to him about being fluffy? (Author and Kane laugh) What's that all about?
Lance Storm: Aboot.
Kevin: Huh?
Lance: Eh?
Kevin: What the hell?
Lance: Damn you Americans.
Kevin: Is that the only retort you can come up with?
Lance: Yes.
Kevin: You're lame.
Lance: (gets a big boot to the face from Kane) What was that for? (Random demonic laughter gets another big boot to the face, once he hits the ground he falls through the floor.)
Kane: He'll have fun down there. A lot of people blame America for being in hell.
Kevin: Really?
Kane: Nope. They blame Canada.
Kevin: That's good. Maybe he'll get a well-deserved ass kicking. Today's case really makes me want to go home and sleep. I can't stand listening to Jericho whine and bitch. It's almost as bad as the Rock. (The Rock enters)
Rock: Was The Rock being called?
Kevin: Nope.
Rock: You sure?
Kevin: Positive.
Rock: Where's the case people? (Almost on cue, Jericho walks in)
Jericho: I'm the KING OF THE WORLD! (Jeff is still in the walls)
Veronica: Jerrrrrrrkyy!
Pyper316: IT'S JERICHO!
Azrael: Pyper, you do know that RVD is going to win don't you?
Pyper316: No he's not! RAW IS JERICHO!
Author: Wanna bet?
Pyper316: How much you got Azrael?
Azrael: I didn't ask to bet. That was the author.
Pyper316: Likely story for somebody who knows their wrong.
Azrael: Fine, I'll bet you a pizza.
Author: Pizza's illegal. (Everyone is appalled)
Veronica: I know I'm not supposed to come in till later, but pizza is one of the four foods you'll actually eat.
Author: I'm sorry! Those damn Martians, they were supposed to be OUR allies. But, a certain DICTATOR decided to steal Marvin The Martian (Go watch Looney Toons if you don't know who he is!) from them. So, they got us back by helping Planet Stasiak. I'm working on recruiting them back to our side. But, until then, pizza and Pepsi Twist is illegal.
Veronica: NOT PEPSI TWIST! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Author: Sorry. It's your fault though. Why'd you have to steal him?
Veronica: He was fluffah.
Author: So are Kane and Taker, but we don't take them!
Kane: Why am I fluffy again?
Author: Because you look like a teddy bear.
Kane: Um..ok.. That's a new one.
Author: Veronica? Pyper 316 stole Jerky.
Veronica: NOOOOOOOOO!!! JERKYYYYY!! COME BACK!! (Grabs Jeff by the hand and runs after Pyper and Jericho)
Bob: Jeff got out of the walls!
Author: I thought you were leaving.
Bob: Too much work.
Author: Well Mr. Jeff Hardy shouldn't get used to being out of the walls. It's just temporarily.
Rock: Has the Rock said anything?
Author: Rock, go back to sleep.
Rock: The Rock wants to go home soon.
Author: Then go get Jericho back. (The Rock runs after Jericho who is being pulled by Pyper who is being chased by Veronica who is dragging Jeff along.) Where's (does thumb thing) R.V.D.?
Kevin: Probably smoking weed.
Author: Kevin Kelly, I'm in denial about that. Do you want to get kicked out of my story?
Kevin: Yes, because it will get me away from the Rock.
Author: Just remember I hold all the power in the world- well, most of it anyway. You see what Jeff is stuck with? You know being stuck in the walls AND with Veronica all the time?
Veronica: (not seen just heard, slightly) Evil.
Author: (to Veronica) Point? (Long pause) Kevin Kelly, I'll make you be the Rock's crony.
Kevin: Shutting up.
Author: Go find (does thumb thing) R.V.D.!
Kevin: Leaving. (Leaves)
AngryMew2: I thought you were going to bash commentators.
Author: Too much work. Next Chapter, I'll let you get some weird twisted revenge against King for talking about "Puppies" all the time.
AngryMew2: Sweet. How'd I get into your story anyway?
Author: The same way everyone else does, you randomly appeared. And now, that you have successfully filled a space while waiting for (thumb thing) R.V.D. (RVD walks in) and Jericho to return, you will exit.
AngryMew2: Bye. (Climbs up the walls like Spiderman and leaves while Ver and Pyper are fighting in the background.)
Author: That's a new way of getting out of my story.
Pyper 316: But I want Jericho. You already have Jeff!
Veronica: I got promised Jerky.
Pyper 316: So?
Azrael: Pyper, you can't have Jericho. Somebody already claimed him.
Pyper 316: No they didn't!
Veronica: I CLAIMED JERKY!!!!
Pyper 316: Oh. (Unhappy) Well, why am I here if I can't have Jericho? (Author points at Azrael. They start fighting)
Veronica: One time when I was walking to 7-11, I brought my Jeff Hardy action figure—
Author: Was that the time I bought my Kane bobble head?
Veronica: I don't know. But, my mom was like "stick together blah blah" and then she was like "Just remember He's always with you." And I said, "Of course I'm bringing my Jeff Hardy toy.." and she was like "No, God is always with you." And I was like "but Mom, Jeff Hardy is god." And then I got in trouble.
Author: And I laughed. Nice trip down memory lane, but I really need to finish this chapter! Where's Kevin Kelly? (Pyper is starting to fight with Azrael)
RVD: Is that why he was following me?
Author: Yup.
RVD: Oh. (Marc Lloyd walks in)
Author: HERMAPHRODITE ALERT!!! (Points at Marc Lloyd, a smile crosses the Rocks face)
Rock: That's not the hermaphrodite! (Gets pouty) That's the sick freak Marc Lloyd.
Author: (laughs demonically) Guess what Marc Lloyd? (Kane walks to the back door and locks it) You're trapped. (Hardcore Holly is hand in hand with Starfallen while they walk in with T'laren and THE UNDERTAKER from the Judge's chambers. They lock the door.)
Hardcore: Hi Marc. How are you today?
Marc Lloyd: Shit! (Turns around right into Kane)
Kane: No, no escaping.
Taker: It's always fun to chase your prey.
Hardcore: We'll chase him tomorrow. As for right now, we got him where we want him. Stuck between all of us. (They all run towards him, Kane hits him first, then taker. The beating continues for the rest of the court proceeding)
Starfallen: GOOD JOB HARDCORE! HIT HIM HARDER!! (Hardcore smiles, beats the living shit out of Marc Lloyd, and then Kane picks him up. CHOKESLAM! Then, Undertaker does the same. DOUBLE CHOKE-y-SLAM!)
Author: Ahem! I'd like to finish this court session.
Jericho: Yea, please, a living legend like myself can't deal with this as he has better things to do.
Author: Like watching the cat fight between Veronica and Pyper that will end soon?
Jericho: Actually, I'm not into catfights.
Author: That's not surprising. But, it is over you.
Jericho: And what catfights AREN'T over me?
Author: Normal Ones.
Azrael: Ones with meaning?
Author: Fights with points?
Azrael: Good fights? (Jericho shoots evil looks at Azrael and the Author. They snicker)
Author: Seriously though, have two girls ever fought over you?
Jericho: Yeah.
Author: Besides those two (points at Veronica who is clutching onto Jeff Hardy and yelling at Pyper.)
Jericho: Of Course!
Author: Stephanie and Triple H don't count.
Jericho: But Stephanie is a girl! Really!
Author: I know she is, but Triple H is still convinced that he's not a girl. Plus, I just don't want that to count.
Jericho: Well, there was that one time—
Author: Jeff Hardy and Christian don't count either.
Jericho: And why not?
Author: Because of the reason that exists.
Jericho: Which is?
Author: The one in my head. Can you think of anyone else?
Azrael: I'm beginning to think he doesn't enjoy women's company if you catch my drift.
Author: I never thought different, especially Veronica and Pyper's company.
Azrael: I know that feeling. (Pyper is pulling on one of Jericho's arms. Jeff is back in the Walls of Jericho. Veronica is pulling on Jericho's other arm. The Rock walks in)
Rock: What in THE blue hell is going on here? (You see RVD talking to Kevin Kelly. Hardcore Holly, Kane, and Taker are beating up Marc Lloyd. Azrael and the Author are standing next to a table covered with papers that are plots on how to get Earth back from Planet Stasiak, and of course the added bonus of plotting against Pyper, Veronica, and Jericho. Tommy Dreamer walks in)
RVD: Tommy! Over here man! (Tommy looks @ RVD. Then, walks over)
Tommy: Hey man.
RVD: Congratulations are your continuing reign of Hardcore Champion. I'm kinda sad to see the 24/7 Rule go, but it's all good.
Tommy: Thanks. (Of course, he has the belt with him) I'm glad the 24-7 rule is over with; it makes keeping this thing easier. But, then again, compared to ECW these hardcore matches are nothing.
RVD: Man, ECW was sweet wasn't it?
Tommy: Yup. I wish it were still around.
RVD: Same here. Why are you in here anyway?
Tommy: I got this subpoena from that tight-ass moron Regal.
RVD: I hate that guy.
Tommy: Don't we all? Apparently, I'm one of your witnesses. What you do?
RVD: I got this thing saying that I was suing Jericho over Mr. Monday Night title. But, I don't remember making that suit.
Tommy: Weird. How long you think this is gonna be? (Tazz walks in from judge's chambers)
RVD: I have NO idea.
Tazz: Just Anutha Victim. (Gets hit over the head by a floating 2 by 4. He falls to the ground; the 2 by 4 is now randomly floating. A/N: I blame some random author for this who just kept making Tazz say that. I am starting to like Tazz as an announcer, BUT he disses the cape and that my friends is NOT cool.)
Rock: (looks at the 2 by 4, then Tazz, then Tommy Dreamer, then RVD *both of which are ignoring it and talking about how cool EC f'in Dub was*, and then at the Author suspiciously) Ahem. Author? What's with the floating 2 by 4? (Floats over to the Rock. Floating right above his head. Author and Azrael are still plotting against Planet Stasiak, Pyper, Veronica, and Jericho) HELLO?!? Author? I don't like this flying 2 by 4.
Author: Sorry, can't help ya there. The floating 2 by 4 isn't under my control.
Rock: (more worried then before) Whose control is it under? (Author points at Kevin Kelly. The Rock screeches.) Uh, can we start the case? (The Rock whines) I wanna get away from Kevin Kelly! (Whack, gets hit over the head with the 2 by 4 very lightly, Kevin Kelly laughs. Author ignores Rock and goes back to plotting with Azrael.) Author, I hate you.
Author: The feeling is mutual Rock. Very mutual. The People at Summerslam reminded us that ROCKY SUCKS! ROCKY SUCKS!
Rock: (whimpering) I hurt my ribs! (Kane punches Rocky in the ribs, snickers and runs away. Brock and Paul Heyman come in)
Brock: (taunting) Rocky, I got your belt!!
Rock: Give it back you ASSCLOWN!
Jericho: That is MY phrase JABRONI!
Rock: You know what, Chris Jericho; you are proposing a fight aren't you?
Jericho: Is that a challenge?
Rock: Hello! You challenged the Rock!
Jericho: I did no such thing, but if the Rock is challenging me—(Rocky cuts him off)
Rock: Well, Jericho, the Rock says (does hand thing) JUST BRING IT!
Jericho: Bring what? A vomit bag? A fig Newton? (A/N: go listen to an Armageddon promo from a while back)
Rock: You bring the ass; I'll bring the whooping!
Jericho: (points at the Rock) There's the Ass! (Rock and Jericho stare each other down)
Paul: Excuse me girls! (They look evilly at Paul) The *new* Undisputed Belt belongs to Brock Lesnar. And my client, Brock Lesnar, has something to say.
Brock: Thank you Paul.
Rock: (muttering at Heyman) Walrus.
Jericho: (also muttering) Ass Clown.
Brock: I am the Undisputed Championship, the youngest Champion in the history of the WWE!
Jericho: SHUT THE HELL UP JUNIOR! I was the FIRST Undisputed Champion! I beat that Jack off (pointing at the Rock) And Stone Cold Steve---
SCSA: What?
Jericho: I'm telling lil' Brock and his bitch here about how I beat you and jack off over there. (Veronica and Pyper start talking more)
Veronica: Anyway, Jeff is still stuck in the walls of jerky and Leah, the author, isn't too happy with the WWE or Jeff so I don't think she's ever going to let him out. I might be willing to give you Jerky if the circumstances are right.
Pyper: (Jericho and SCSA and Rocky are reminiscing. Brock is bitching at Heyman. Wait, Brock isn't allowed to talk. Brock is hitting on Heyman? Ugh.. That doesn't work either. Brock and Paul Heyman sit down until the Author thinks of what to do with you!) But it's possible?
Veronica: Possibly. (Azrael walks over to Pyper whispers something in her ear. Pyper Yells) I'm confused. (Pyper runs out of the room. Veronica scratches her head in a confused state then follows. Azrael walks over to Brock, whispers something to Heyman, snickers and walks away.)
Heyman: That's absurd.
William Regal: (outta no-where) Besmirched! (Long pause, everyone looks at him funny. NO one is talking anymore. Azrael and Leah have temporarily stopped plotting against Planet Stasiak, Jericho, and their two friends that just disappeared.)
William Regal: Well, umm, I'm going to play cards with the APA. Would anyone care to join me? (Everyone's mouth drops)
Heyman: Playing cards?
William Regal: Yes.
Heyman: With the APA?
Regal: Yes. Why? (Everyone starts laughing their asses off, SCSA is almost crying because he's laughing so hard. Rock is rolling on the floor laughing, Hardy boy is taking advantage and tries to get out of the walls) What is so funny? (Taker walks in and picks up SCSA. Kane picks up the Rock.)
Brothers of Destruction: WE ARE NOT FLUFFY! (They choke slam SCSA and the Rock)
Author: Yes, you are fluffah.
BOD: No. We aren't!
Author: Taker, you weren't supposed join Smack-y-down after Raw that Monday.
Taker: But, I needed my belt back.
Author: I agree with that statement, but you are just going to job to Brock. It's common sense. The WWE has built him as indestructible; he's not going to lose it for a long time. And, dammit, I wanted a B.O.D. reunion.
Taker: Maybe Kane will defect too.
Author: He better not. He should be nice and wait until two Mondays after Unforgiven since I am hopefully going to see that Raw taping.
Taker: (hangs is head in shame) I'm sorry.
Author: Me too, but I'm extremely sorry for what I have to do. I have to kick you out of my story. I'm angry with you. (Taker hangs his head in shame as he walks out the door) That was something I was not looking forward to doing. Now, were we in this saga?
Femalephenom: Dude, you got rid of Taker! Who's going to beat up Marc Lloyd now? (Author points to the door. Marc Lloyd is still getting beat up by Hardcore Holly and friends.)
Femalephenom: But, it was Taker!
Author: I know, he'll be back into these stories soon enough. Where we're we in this saga?
Y2D: Well, Pyper and Veronica randomly disappeared. JERICHO!! SCSA, and the Rock we're laughing at Regal who is off to play cards with the APA. (Taker sneaks in, sits next to Kane who is just randomly sitting in the middle of the floor)
Author: (not noticing Taker) Oh, yes, thank you Y2D. If you want to steal Jericho, this would be your chance because both Pyper and Veronica are gone. (Y2D jumps up and down, and then goes to cling on to Jericho)
Jericho: Help…(Author disappears.)
Kane: This should be interesting. (Notices taker is sitting next to him) Hi. (Kevin Kelly sits down) Hey Kevin. (Heyman and Regal are talking. Regal is trying to convince Heyman to play with him…GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTERS PEOPLE!)
Rock: Well, (talking to Jericho and ignoring the fact he needs help, and talking to SCSA) It's been nice chatting with you. But, I have a court to run. Kevin Kelly? Get your ass up here. (Whining) Kevin Kelly, where are you?
SCSA: You whine a LOT Rocky!
Rock: You took your ball and went home so SHADDUP!
SCSA: Bitch. (Walks out of the courtroom muttering evil things. Kevin Kelly writes his name on a list of people. As he is walking out, Pyper and Veronica walk in. Author re-appears to help Azrael with plotting against Planet Stasiak.)
Author: That's perfect! (Yells) PLANET STASIAK! (Rocky walks over)
Rock: Can we start the proceedings?
Author: Talk to Kevin Kelly. (Yells again) STASIAK!
Azrael: I want Pizza.
Author: I want Pepsi Twist.
Stasiak: You Rang?
Author: I want earth back dammit!
Stasiak: We could work something out.
Author: Ok. What do you want?
Stasiak: Martha Stewart, Richard Simmons, Elmo and Mr. Rogers.
Author: (tries hard not to jump up and down) I'll have to see about Elmo. But, take the rest. Now, if we give you Elmo, he can't be put into any harm.
Stasiak: Elmo will be treated like a king.
Author: And the others can't be treated like a king.
Stasiak: We need crash test dummies.
Author: Let me consult with the Dictator of the World. (Yells) VERONICA! (Veronica is ignoring her) Q-TIP! (She still ignores her) (Author snaps her fingers; Al Snow comes up to her) May I have a giant q-tip please?
Al Snow: Yes, ma'am.
Author: Thank you. (Al hands her a giant q-tip) Thank you Al, you can go back to TE3 now. (Al leaves. Author gets up, with the giant q-tip walks outside to Veronica) Ahem! (Veronica looks at the Q-tip, screams, and hides behind Pyper.)
Veronica: GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!!
Author: I need to consult something with you.
Veronica: OK! Just get rid of that damn q-tip. I hate those things. It's all Emily's fault.
Author: I know. (The q-tip combusts) Look over this and see if it is ok. (Veronica gives her a funny look)
Veronica: Too much work. (Author walks away)
Author: Stasiak, you have a deal.
Stasiak: I look forward to being on the same side as Earth. (Author hands Stasiak four certificates)
Author: You can pick them up with the addresses on the cards.
Azrael: Where did you get those?
Author: When I became Prime Minister and the military leader of the world I got these for every person living.
Azrael: Do you have one on me?
Author: Yep. A majority of the information is blank though.
Azrael: Really?
Author: Yes, ROCKY! Start the damn case. I have homework to do.
Azrael: Why is Jeff still in the walls? (Demonic laughter. Rock is trying to get anyone's attention. He's failing)
Heyman: Well, when you put it that way, I guess I'll go play cards with you and the APA. It's not like anything is going to happen here.
Regal: Splendid. (Heyman and Regal get up, they start to leave)
Heyman: Brock, would you like to come play?
Brock: Would I like to play cards? With the APA?
Heyman: Yes.
Brock: Would I like to play poker WITH my money with the APA?
Regal: Why does everyone make it seem so absurd?
Brock: I maybe a rookie, but I'm not a dumbass-
Heyman: You're not a rookie, you're UNDISPUTED CHAMPION!
Brock: True, but I know better than to play cards with the APA. I'd like to keep the money I have thank you very much.
Heyman: It can't be as bad as everyone says. (Brock gives him a funny look) You sure you don't wanna come?
Brock: You have fun Paul.
Heyman: All right, I'll see you later than. (Paul and Regal leave)
Rock: I can't believe Regal and that walrus Heyman really think that playing cards with the APA can't be as bad as everyone says. What morons! Now those two moronic ass-clowns-
Jericho: Stop stealing my word dammit!
Rock: Shut Up Jabroni!
RVD: You know, everything's cool and all, but it's almost 4:20 and I have places to go and things to—
Kevin: Smoke.
RVD: Whatever.
Rock: The Rock has better things to do then watch RVD point to himself!
Jericho: Well, RAW IS JERICHO! (Pyper and Veronica cheer. Jericho looks over at them, they become quiet) Therefore, I WIN. Now, let me go home you jackoff!
Rock: RVD- retort?
RVD: I've been Mr. Monday Night since YOU (points at Jericho) was on ECW.
Unseen Crowd: (heavy chants) E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB!
Rock: (looks for the crowd, but cant find them. Gives the peoples eyebrow.) Where's the crowd. (The crowd laughs) Moving On- (Rocky Sucks chant starts) what the—
Jericho: The people don't like you Rock. (Rocky sucks chant stops. Jericho Sucks chant starts. Pyper and Veronica get up walk out, the chant is stopped mid-sentence they walk back in)
Veronica: Continue on. (Everyone gives them weird looks.)
Rock: Jericho do you have anything to add?
Jericho: Two witnesses Ricky.
Rock: You know my name Bitch.
Jericho: Can I bring my witnesses or not?
Rock: Sure. Whatever.
RVD: (laughs) It sounds like I'm rubbing off on the Rock. (Thinks) Wait, that is so uncool. (People look at him funny.) Ugh, never mind. (Pyper takes the stand first)
Jericho: Is it true I'm a rock star?
Pyper: Yes.
Jericho: Is it true Raw is Jericho?
Pyper: Yes.
Jericho: Do I rule all?
Pyper: Yes.
Jericho: Thank you.
Rock: Kevin Kelly what happens next?
Kevin: RVD can ask the witness questions?
RVD: Is it true you're a Jerichoholic?
Pyper: HELL YES!
RVD: So you're bias?
Pyper: Huh?
RVD: Whatever.
Pyper: Can I go now? (RVD sits down and talks to Tommy Dreamer)
Rock: (looks at Kevin Kelly, who nods) Yes. Anything else Jerky?
Jericho: Yes, one more person. (Veronica walks up) Same three questions.
Veronica: (thinks for a long amount of time, Jericho looks bored, the Rock has forgotten where he is. Same goes for RVD. Kevin Kelly is waiting for her to talk.) Yes, Yes, and No.
Jericho: (remembered what he is doing) WHAT? NO?!?!
Veronica: Um…
Jericho: Do I rule all?
Veronica: Can I lie?
Rock: Hermy?
Kevin: (is appalled) NO!
Rock: Nope.
Veronica: Damn. Well, Jericho, I love you. You know that, but you don't rule all. You're just a figurehead. We all know that Leah and I are in control of EVERYTHING.
Plus, I'm still not happy about you having Jeff in the Walls.
Rock: Why is little Hardy in the walls?
Jericho: Ask the Author.
Rock: Author? (Silence) AUTHOR! Wake UP!
Jericho: If the Author isn't writing this, who is?
Rock: Hermy?
Kevin: Dammit! Why must I explain everything? The Author trained her pray-fish to type and think for her.
Rock: What's a pray-fish?
Author: Rock! I'm gonna smack you upside the head! I was busy making fun of HHH. Wait, why am I watching you on TV. SNL is usually funny. Plus, MICK FOLEY! That makes up for you being on it. Muwahhahaha. Anyway, I'm back again. What did you need to know? (Long silence)
Rock: I don't remember.
Veronica: Can I come down now? (The Rock looks at Kevin Kelly.)
Kevin: No. You have to answer RVD's questions
Jericho: (mumbles) Traitor.
Veronica: I'm sorryyyyyyyyyy Jerky….
RVD: Same questions.
Veronica: Yes and definitely.
RVD: Do you remember the questions?
Veronica: No.
RVD: Neither do I. I can't think of anything else to ask—(Leah runs up to RVD. Whispers something in his ear.) What? ARE YOU SERIOUS? (Almost dies of laughter)
Rock: Ask your question Rob.
RVD: (stops laughing, tries to ask the question) Are you stalking Raven?
Veronica: (hangs head in shame) Yes.
RVD: (Leah whispers something else in RVD's ear) Are you a ghostie?
Veronica: Yes.
RVD: What the hell is a ghostie?
Veronica: (thinks) I'm not sure…
RVD: Whatever. Last question. Is it true you're afraid of q-tips?
Veronica: I refuse to answer that. (Looks evilly at Leah who is laughing her ass off)
Rock: You have to answer all questions that are presented to you.
Veronica: I plead the fifth.
Kevin: It isn't an incriminating question. You can't plead the fifth.
Veronica: Foiled again!
RVD: Are you afraid of q-tips?
Veronica: It's EMILYS FAULT!
RVD: Is that a yes?
Veronica: …yes… (Everyone laughs at veronica, whispers) I'll get you Emily. (Emily walks in, taps Jericho on the back)
Jericho: What do you want Jackoff? (Emily smacks him up the head, laughs, and runs. Pyper and Veronica run after her. Demonic laughter is heard.)
Rock: What now?
Kevin: RVD do you have any witnesses?
RVD: Yea, Tommy. (Tommy Dreamer walks up to the stand) Hey Tommy. How are you?
Tommy: Last Monday, I jobbed to the Big Show. I'm not too happy.
RVD: Sorry to hear that buddy. Who's Mr. Monday Night?
Tommy: You.
RVD: Is RAW Jericho?
Tommy: HELL NO! (HHH comes in)
HHH: I'm The GAME. I am on RAW. I AM RAW!
Rock: Great. Another egomaniac on this case.
Kevin: That makes three.
Kane: RVD doesn't have a huge ego. He just doesn't remember who he is. That's why he's always pointing to himself. (Veronica re-enters with Pyper, X-Pac, and Emily)
Kevin: The Author paid me a little extra to be nice to the ECW guys. Plus, RVD doesn't know the definition of ego. I was talking about HHH—
Veronica: H to the TRIPLE!
Kevin: Right…The Rock- (pauses. Waits for an interruption. Looks at Veronica. Her and Pyper are staring at shiny objects) and Jericho the—
Veronica and Pyper: JERICHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Kevin: I should have expected that.
Veronica: Yes you shoulda.
Kevin: So, this case has changed. Now it's Jericho Vs. HHH vs. RVD?
Rock: The Rock believes so.
Kevin: Let me guess, the Rock wants me to decide?
Tommy: Can I get off the stand?
Kevin: Yes.
Tommy: Bye Kevin. (He leaves)
Rock: Why is X-Pac here?
Veronica: To torture Emily for smacking Jericho. (X-Pac is sitting on Emily. Poor girl.)
Rock: That's horribly mean. The Rock says Kevin Kelly should make his decision.
Kevin: I'd like to hear more.
Rock: Of who's story?
Kevin: Triple H's I guess.
HHH: I'm the Game-uh. The cerebral assassin. I really am THAT DAMN GOOD.
Kevin: I think I was wrong.
HHH: I have been here for YEARS. I have destroyed careers. I forced Mick Foley into retirement- twice.
Author: That is IT! I hate you! I have never liked you, I have read what an asshole you are as it is well documented everywhere. And, I know for a FACT that you didn't force Mick Foley to retire, he wanted to retire. So, do yourself a favor, and SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PANSY!
HHH: I'm the Game-Uh. I deserve to be treated with some respect-uh.
Author: Taker! I forgive you! PLEASE! Kick this guy's ass! (Taker doesn't move) Taker? I'm SORRY!!!!!! (Looks around the room for Taker, he hides)
Kane: What are you doing?
Undertaker: Hiding.
Kane: Why?
Undertaker: Because she kicked me out!
HHH: You expect that IDIOT to actually come out and help you? Please. He knows he can't beat me. (Undertaker rises from the dead, old lord of darkness style.)
Undertaker: What did you say Boy? (HHH screeches) Oh, this should be fun. (He chases after HHH.)
Kevin: HHH automatically loses, but he was gonna lose anyway. He just sucks. Literally. I mean, what straight man would have posters of all the Mr. Olympia's in his room? Or buy a picture of Hulk Hogan? I don't believe that he ACTUALLY thought somebody would out bid him.
Rock: I'm sick of this. I'm going on vacation. (Leaves)
Kevin: Does that mean I'm judge?
Author: (drags Rock back in) Sorry, the people's court only works with the asshole that thinks he's a peoples champion.
Rock: No Vacation?
Author: Oh shut up. You don't have to wrestle; you sit on your ass and look pretty. And you aren't even good at that!
Rock: Ok. So, do I get to make the verdict?
Author: You haven't finished the damn proceedings!
Rock: Forget it. I've come to a ruling.
Kevin: All rise. (Everyone except for Marc Lloyd who is twitching, Jeff Hardy who's stuck in the walls, and Emily who is being "tortured" by X-Pac. X-Pac is actually just crying on Emily's shoulder, drowning his sorrows, but damn, can he be annoying! Stands.)
Rock: I have decided on this case. RVD or Jericho? RAW or Mr. Monday Night? Egomaniac or Stoner? Many complicated things. Do I listen to the fans or the Innovator of Violence—?
Author: *cough* Violence *cough*
Rock: Well, I have thought about this-
Kevin: Liar.
Rock: And I have made my decision. RAW and Monday Nights officially belong to—(silence.) Eric Bischoff.
Author: (reads past line) HEY! Dammit pray-fish! What did I tell you about Bischoff? YOU CAN'T BE NICE TO HIM!!!!
Pray-fish: bah bah bah-humbug. Mah, meh, mo0o, bah.
Author: Apology accepted. (Edits line about Bischoff out)
Rock: Raw is RAVEN! (Author looks at Veronica)
Author: Never again do I trust you idiots to write for me. Heat is Raven's Playground. RAW IS NOT RAVEN.
Rock: Raw is War.
Dani: SHUT UP LEAH! ITS NOT THAT FUNNY.
Author: It's three damn letters. An R, an A, and a W. War, Raw. It took you SO long to notice that. (Laughs demonically)
Dani: I will get my revenge Leah. (Ric Flair and Goldust appear) You're forgiven. Wooooooooooooooooooooo (walks out with Ric Flair and Goldust.)
Rock: AHEM! I've made my damn decision. RAW is-
Booker T: The Spin-a-roonie!
Rock: NO!
Booker T: Succccccccccccckaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
Rock: Dammit, shut up! The Rock is trying to speak and all you asswipes will listen-
Author: The Rock wants to be Jericho. They both are a little to obsessed with Jack and Asses. Who's Jack anyway?
Rock: (glaring at the Author) RAW IS JERICHO!
Jericho: I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD!
Author: Oh yeah? Well, what war did the World just win?
Jericho: We aren't in War.
Author: Yeah, exactly, shut the fuck up. Damn Jerichoholic. Rock, can you give the CORRECT verdict please?
Rock: The Rock gives up. You decide Kevin Kelly.
Author: Kevin Kelly went home twenty minutes ago.
Rock: Marc Lloyd?
Author: Bludgeoned into a bloody pulp and STILL getting his ass kicked.
Rock: Um…Ok…So, Is RAW Jericho or RVD?
Author: I'm an EC Dubber. But, Jericho was ECW too. However, RVD was ECW for LIFE!
Rock: So?
Author: You decide.
Rock: Screw this. RAW IS ROCKY! (Leaves, Jericho is pissed as hell. RVD gets up and goes home)
Jericho: This is an OUTRAGE! (Seconds later, somebody attacks Jericho from behind making him release Jeff from the Walls of Jericho. They flee.)
Jeff: SHIT! (Tries to stand up, falls. Author laughs)
Bob: So, he's finally out of the walls.
Author: Yup, I got enough threats about this. (Veronica runs over to Jeff)
Veronica: Jeffffffffffff!!!!!!!
Pyper: Can I have Jericho now?
Veronica: Only if you help me find out who freed Jeff.
Pyper: OK! (Grabs Jericho by the hand, Veronica grabs Jeff and they run)
Author: Damn pray-fish. I guess I'll let that one stay.
X-Pac: Emily, will you marry me?
Emily: What?!?!
X-Pac: Will you marry me?
Emily: Can I cheat on you with Edge?
X-Pac: Sure.
Emily: I don't
like you.
Author: You told Veronica you liked
him
Emily: Am I ever gonna live that down?
Author: Nope and now you're engaged to X-Pac! HA!
Emily: But I get Edge right?
Author: Damn him and that frightening smile. (Emily gets picked up by X-Pac and they leave) Ah, that's torture for both of them!
THE END
How come Kevin Kelly, Kane *welcome back by the way*, and Jeff never collected on the money from their previous pranks?
Kevin: I KNEW we forgot something…
How come the Hurricane hasn't appeared lately?
Hurricane: I'm right here…Author: SCORE!!! (Runs off with the Hurricane)
Can the Pray-fish type questions?
Prayfish: I am right now, well, Bob the Stop Sign is helping me. Bob rules.
Bob: Thanks. If Leah were here right now she would thank everyone who let her put them in her story. She also asks to remind people not to be offended by the comments made. And Happy Earth Winningness. We are back to being our OWN country!
What's next for the People's Court?
Author: Well, the hurricane won't let me eat any sugar. I so blame Azrael for this! *Tear* (read her "On Air" story to understand) So, since I'm not allowed to have sugar, and for many other reasons, I'm taking a break from Wrestling Fan Fictions. Next time I promise something more accurate (in a timely fashion) So that most things will pretty much align with the current story lines. I wouldn't expect an update for a while though.
HHH: Is the Undertaker ever gonna stop kicking my ass?
Author: I get to ask the questions! Undertaker, kick his ass!
Starfallen: What happened to Marc Lloyd? (Marc Lloyd is twitching and Spike Dudley keeps stepping on him) Oh. Hehe.
Who freed Jeff Hardy? Will I get revenge on them?
Author: Naw, Jeff Hardy in the walls wasn't funny anymore since the WWE stole my idea, however, Scott Hall freed Jeff Hardy.
Scott: I did?
Author: You and all the NWA-TNA guys. You know, Road Dogg, Low Ki, Jeff Ha-ha (Jarrett), and a few others helped free Jeff Hardy.
Scott: But, it was only one guy.
Author: It was Scott Hall. It was you.
Scott: NO IT WASN'T! You're just trying to confuse the readers!
Road Dogg: It was me.
HBK: Can I kick HHH's ass?
Author: PROMISE?!?! Go help Taker, not like he needs it. But, it will be funnier.
HBK: Thank you.
Author: See you in Glendale HBK. (A/n: HBK is going to be signing autographs in Glendale, which is right near me! I hope I get to go!!) Anyway, the Hurricane went to sleep. I'm off to find Sugar.
Shannon: No, you're not. Sugar Shane told me to look after you.
Author: The Hurricane is SUCH a better gimmick. I do miss three count though. (Thinks about three count, starts singing her version of their song) I like the Backstreet Boys, lies, N Sync too, more lies, Brittany Spears is kind of cute, no she's a WHOOOOOORE, I watch MTV on TRL, that show sucks, sing along with three count ONE TWO THREEEEEEEEE!!! (Disappears, bob the stop sign, the pray-fish and Shannon Moore randomly fell asleep. Anyone that has been left in the courtroom is now trapped with the pray-fish, stop sign, and Shanny!)
THE END OF JERKY VS RVD SAGA
THE *TEMPORARY* ENDING OF THE PEOPLE'S COURT!