PEOPLE'S COURT
Main Characters:
Too Many To Name (There are a lottttttttttt in this chapter!)
Disclaimer: I, Leah aka The Innovator Of Randomity, do not take any credit (or most likely blame) for this fan fiction. I didn't feel like writing it, so I gave it over to my friends. Dani Dudley and Veronica (AKA The President Of The DRS) took it over. Thank you guys, especially Dani, for writing this chapter. Anyway- WE are not responsible for stupid activity and or anything you do after reading this fiction. We own jack shit (well we own a couple harems.. hehehe..) Suing would a waste of time.
MOST IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: Yea, Dani has a really dirty mind, so I can't promise you this to be wholesome. HAHAHA. Oh yea, I am for the most part "Author" even if I'm not writing it. And, Dani is a bitch. If she doesn't like somebody they will feel her wrath, and she's very opinionated. So, you've been warned. ENJOY!
Rock: Hello? (No one answers) Did I miss the proceedings again? (Still no answer) The Rock doesn't like this. (lights flicker on. People start filing in.) What is going on? The Rock demands to know! (No response) Hello?
Taker: Hey Rocky.
Kane: Hi Rock, Taker. (They shake hands)
Rock: Ummm...I don't wanna get beat up! (The Rock continues whining)
Taker: Shut up Boy. RVD is gathering everyone who has appeared in the last three chapters.
Rock: Why?
Taker: I have no idea.
Rock: Can the Rock leave?
Taker: Nope. (Jason Mewes enters)
Jason: Whoa...
Kane: You were in clerks.
Jason: Yes, I was.
Kane: Dude, you rock.
Jason: Snoogans. (The Island Boys enter)
Rosy: Why are we here again?
Jamal: Dunno. (Kevin Kelly enters)
Kevin: RVD should be here soon. (Stasiak enters)
Stasiak: er? (The Author and RVD enter)
RVD: Hello again.
Author: What's going on Rob?
RVD: I'm collecting everyone form the last 3 chapters. I figure their person who kidnapped Smokey
Veronica: (jumps down from the ceiling) Muwhahhahahaz...I have taken over...Leah is lost...Leah--you will regret this.
RVD: (goes on talking like she is not there) I'm gonna get everyone from the last chapters and put each one of them on trial.
Author: (jumps up and down) find Smokey damn it
Veronica: Wait a second, I am the new author, but I don't want to write because it's too much work. No I don't want to. You do it. Shut up! I'm not a whore damn it. No you're an assclown. Damn it I hate you. Fine I'll do it but I'm ruining your story. (runs away)
Dani: BUBBA IS NOT FIRED DAMMIT!
Leah: Shut the hell up. Yes he is. (Dani has now taken over writing this stupid thing so Leah is now referred to as Leah instead of author for all you assclowns who can't figure that out)
Dani: You know what...no. I'm taking over now so SCREW YOU!
Leah: Buy me dinner and flowers first...
Dani: That's my line! You whore...anywhoo...who else needs to be here? (looks at list Leah gave her) Well first off..*RNN music*
Randy: Good Evening! Randy Orton here. Due to circumstances unknown to the current author, Starfallen, FemalePhenom, Y2D, and AngryMew2 have inexplicably gone missing. To help find them, please send your cash donations to...(fades out)
Dani: Well, that's done. Leah, I hope you don't mind that your story is gonna be crap. Where's HBK?
HBK: (Comes in through the roof) Howdy. I was just at church.
Dani: Cut the crap. You and RVD go find all the rest of the people on this list. (hands them the list-- they just look at it) HURRY UP!
HBK: Fine.
Dani: SHAWN!
HBK: WHAT?!
Dani: What's HBK stand for?
HBK: Oh. My. God.
Dani: (puzzled) Forget it. Now go. (they leave, then somebody knocks the door down) What now? (HHH walks in, dragging Veronica and Matt Hardy by their large, and rat-like ears and chained to Jeff Hardy)
HHH: I CAUGHT THESE THREE IN MY CHEESE AGAIN!
Dani: Oops, sorry. Silly DRS. Hey, stay here kids. RVD wanted to do something bout Smokey I think...(mumbles) OK everybody sits down or something...
Jeff: Kinda a problem here, sir.
Dani: ..what? Oh, you're still chained to HHH's ass. Give me the key.
HHH: Umm...I lost it.
Dani: Horse shit. You're just enjoying it. Give me the key and you can have your 'Jeffy Lube' back later.
HHH: Fine. (hands Dani the key and winks at Jeff)
Jeff: ..help...
Dani: (to Jeff) You're still in trouble for eating my hamster.
Jeff: I'M SORRY! (apologetically) It tasted good!
Dani: Shut up. All of you. Where's HBK and RVD? And what's up with all these initials?
Rock: The Rock is bored.
Kane: Should we care?
Leah: *sniff* I miss Smokey! (There's a big rumble and men's voices singing in the background. Suddenly, a big hay truck bursts through the courtroom wall, with HBK and RVD in the cab. In the back are some 20 random people, so when people randomly appear in this story now you know where they come from. They are all heartily singing Kumbaya and drinking apple cider)
HBK: (jumping down from the cab) OK kids, the hay ride's over! Everybody out!
Everybody: awwwwwww.....
RVD: Come on, we've got trials to do, and with the Rock as judge, it's gonna take a while.
Rock: ..My courtroom...waaaaaahhhhhh!!! (runs into chambers)
RVD: Kevin, go get him.
K.K.: Why do I gotta always deal with him?
RVD: 'Cause that's what you get paid to do.
KK: I don't get paid.
RVD: I'm in charge now so move it!
KK: Fine, fine...(goes after Rock, mumbling)
RVD: (to everyone) Now, you may all be wondering why you're here...
Booker: No shit, sucka.
RVD: Don't interrupt my speech! Anyway, as you may or may not know, Leah's pet prayfish has gone missing. Seeing as how she blames me (gives Leah a dirty look), I plan to try each and every one of you until I find out who took him.
Dani: Dammit. (Kevin comes back with Rock, who is chewing on a Zwieback cookie. Rock meanders up to the judge's seat and looks lost)
RVD: Ok, now we can finally start. My 1st...Trial person...is Spike Dudley! (a loud DUN DUN DUN echoes through the room)
Leah: What the hell was that?
Hurricane: Sorry, citizen Leah. I had to add that for (dramatic pause) dramatic effect.
RVD: SPIKE, you may approach the stand.
Spike: Do I have a choice?
RVD: Are bunnies purple?
Spike: They could be...
Dani: BUNNIES ARE EVIL!
RVD: Anyway...(the lights go out and some mad pyrotechnics start. John Mellencamp jumps out with a guitar and starts jumping around and playing)
Dani: (Bursting into song) Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes...they got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses...and what's with all the carrots? What do they needs such good eyesight for anywaaaaaay? (song ends, everything goes back to normal. Well, not normal, but how it was before.) THE BUNNIES STOLE SMOKEY!! (Confidentially, to RVD) They're trying to take over the world, you know.
RVD: Um, no, don't think so. Anyway, Spike. Where were you on the night of October the 20th at precisely 10 pm?
Spike: I was...with Leah.
RVD: You hesitated! Why?
Spike: 'Cause.
RVD: Mmhmm...could it be because....YOU STOLE SMOKEY?
Spike: Dude. Why would I do that? Leah and me are kind of engaged. Which means I'm not allowed to be mean to her. Unlike the rest of you assclowns.
Jericho: Hey! I resent that.
Spike: Resent it all you want, buddy.
RVD: Can we get back to the 'trial' here? Spike, what were you and Leah doing at the aforementioned time?
Spike: Well, we played with Smokey for al little while and then...I don't know if I'm at liberty to say.
RVD: Aha! And why not?
Spike: First of all, it's my personal life. Second, this is an R-rated story, so we can't exactly go into details here. (looks at Leah, who is apparently very happy with herself) Let's just say we were both 'indisposed' and that's why Smokey got stolen in the first place.
RVD: Oh...drugs right? It's OK, I was on the cover of High Times, you know. I understand these things.
Spike: No...oh geez...You see, Rob, when a man and a woman love each other very much...or are just really horny...
RVD: OH! Geez, lil' buddy, there's no need to go into detail!
Spike: Jesus! (poof)
Jesus: Yes?
Dani: AHHHH!!! MAKE IT STOP! (runs to Bubba) Make it go away...
Bubba: DANIELLE!!
Dani: What?
Bubba: GET THE TABLES!
Dani: Oh, that. (gets tables and sets them up)
Bubba: That's it, Jesus. You're goin' down. A little help here, Kane?
Kane: Ok! (chokeslams Jesus and puts him on the table)
Dani: Yay! (Bubba gets up on the stand and jumps on top of Jesus, sending him crashing through the table. Muwahhaha)
Jesus: Fine, I'm leaving.
RVD: Alright Spike, you're cleared. (checks Spike off of list) Next is...(groans) the Rock.
Rock: But the Rock is the judge!
RVD: Unfortunately, we know. You're probably too stupid to pull off something like this, but not interrogating you would be a violation of truth, justice, and the American way.
Rock: The Rock gets to be a comic book hero?
Hurricane: Holy insinuation! The Rock is trying to steal the Hurricane's job!
Dani: Hold on everybody!!! Dani needs some inspiration now. (runs to stereo and puts on Van Halen) Mucho better. Whoh, whoh, whoh, Jaime's cryin...
Leah: Would you shut up? You're ruining my story.
Dani: I didn't think it could be any worse so I decided to showcase one of my many talents to Chris Jericho who thinks he's a rock star even though he's not because I hate him.
Leah: ....?
RVD: ANYWAY...Rock can you come to the stand please?
Rock: The Rock doesn't want to.
RVD: Too bad.
Rock: Will you give the Rock pie?
RVD: Perhaps.
Rock: The Rock says he will only come if you give him pie.
RVD: Fine, fine, you'll get your pie. Just get your scrawny and non-delicious butt over here.
Dani: Non-delicious?
RVD: Hey, you're writing this. It's your fault.
Dani: Poo.
RVD: Rock, where were you on October the 20th at precisely 10 pm?
Rock: The Rock says don't use so many big words. Please.
RVD: Where were you 2 1/2 weeks ago at sleepy time?
Rock: The Rock was....The Rock can't remember.
RVD: Rock? Please? I need to know.
Rock: The Rock says, If you smelllllllllahhhhhhhh what the Rock is cooking. (He gives RVD the People's eyebrow)
RVD: Alright, you're cleared. This is too frustrating.
Rock: Pie?
RVD: Later.
Rock: NOW!
RVD: Fine! It's out on the median on the 210. If you hit all the cars on the way there I'll give you another one when you get back.
Rock: Weeeee! Pie!
Dani: (pokes Leah) pssssssstt LEAH! Have you noticed that we are two of the very few women here?
Leah: You have too much time on your hands.
Dani: I blame you. Too bad we're not both engaged.
Leah: Oh go away.
Dani: Fine you poo.
RVD: My next victim...I mean...yeah...is the Flock Pac?
FP: (as a group) yaaaaaaay
RVD: OK...well...where were you guys on October 20th at 10?
Veronica: Flocking.
RVD: Flocking?
Veronica: Yes.
RVD: Which is...?
Veronica: We're not exactly sure as of this moment.
RVD: Why did I even bother with this? Where's Jeff Hardy? I thought he was in this...thing...too.
Veronica: He got kicked out.
RVD: Right. How did that race turn out, anyway?
Veronica: Umm...I think Bischoff ate Taker.
Taker: Nope. I'm right here. He tried to though.
RVD: That it, I'm switching next Monday. Stephanie, here I come.
Leah: You're not allowed to anymore.
RVD: Dammit. Alright, you guys are cleared due to flocking. Whatever the hell that is. Next up is...HHH!
HHH: (wakes up) What?
Tommy: Wake up you tool, get up to the stand, before I whip you with the back of my hand!
Dani: Wo0o0o0o0o0o! That rhymes!
Leah: Hey Dani, what does HBK stand for?
Dani: Shut up! Jesus Murphy I'm writing this and you're still not nice to me.
RVD: Can we get moving here? This isn't fun anymore.
HHH: No kidding. (finally at the stand) Alright, what?
RVD: Where were you October 20th at 10pm?
HHH: Do I hafta tell you?
RVD: Yup.
HHH: (mumbles)
RVD: What?
HHH: Ice Skating.
RVD: (laughing hysterically) You were WHAT?
HHH: You heard me. (explodes) YEAH, ICE SKATING! WITH A LITTLE PINK TUTU AND EVERYTHING! DAMMIT NOW YOU KNOW! GO TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS! YOU CAN ALL GO TO HELL! (stomps out of the courtroom)
RVD: Ok...well...(still hysterical)...HHH is cleared due to...(doubles over laughing)
Dani: I KNEW IT! I TOLD YOU SO!
RVD: Ok...geez...(calms down)...next to the stand is...Bubba Ray Dudley. (Bubba grudgingly goes up to the stand) Now, where were you on October 20th at 10pm?
Bubba: I was with Dani.
RVD: Doing what?
Bubba: OK! FINE! I wasn't with Dani. I lied. I was closing her harem.
Dani: (yells) YOU WERE DOING WHAT?!?!?
Bubba: I was closing you're harem. I don't think that you should have a harem when you're engaged. It's not right.
Dani: Well, I have something to tell you. The Harem you closed was Leah's. HA!
Leah: YOU CLOSED MY HAREM?!?!? YOU YOU YOU SON OF A BITCH! That's why Turkoglu is missing. I thought he escaped. I will get you back Bubba Ray Dudley, if it's the last thing I do. I will…get you back….
Bubba: So, Dani, are we ok?
Dani: Nope. Leah and I will be plotting you're demise.
Spike: Come on you guys, can't we just get along?!?!
Leah and Dani: HE CLOSED OUR HAREMS!
Spike: (pointing and laughing at Bubba) You're screwed.
Bubba: Will you forgive me if I recollect every single guy in each harem and get you add two new ones?
Leah: (shakes hands with Bubba) Deal.
Dani: (kisses Bubba) Deal.
RVD: Can we get back to the case here?!?
Everyone: Ok.
RVD: Where was I? Oh yea, Bubba, if you attempting to close down various harems then how come you were STEALING SMOKEY?!
Bubba: Rob, you're worse than the Rock and you're boring the hell out of me. But, and most importantly, I have a wedding to get to so, I ADMIT IT! I STOLE HIM!
Leah: THAT'S IT! NOW YOU'RE REALLY FIRED! AND THIS TIME NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE WILL TRICK ME INTO RE-HIRING YOU! (glares at Dani) I WILL ASK YOU THIS ONE TIME, WHERE IS HE BUH-BUHHH?
Bubba: Relax, lady. Me and Dani needed a ring bearer for our wedding. You'll get him back after. Now that we figured this out, can we get going? I have a wedding to get to. Specifically, mine. That you're all invited to, by the way. (Leah looks confused)
Dani: It's true. I helped.
Leah: Fine. But I'm still mad at you.
Dani: Don't worry. It's worth it. We bought you a present to make up for it.
Leah: Present? What present? GIMME!
Bubba: Well...the flower girl.
Leah: Er?
Dani: We stole another pray-fish from the zoo to be the flower girl and it's not named yet so we're giving it to you.
Leah: ....I almost forgive you.
Bubba: Can we get going?
Dani: Wo0o0o0o0o I'm finally getting married!! (later, at the wedding. the 'here comes the bride' music starts up and a prayfish in a pink frilly dress wanders down the aisle, spilling over baskets of flower petals that are lying every here and there. Smokey is waiting at the altar with Bubba. Dani walks down the aisle, blah blah blah.)
Leah: *sniff* That was beautiful. Now Smokey has a friend!
Dani: Yeah, I know. You love me.
Leah: Don't push it. I still haven't fully forgiven you.
---------Dani ran out of inspiration--------- (Leah took over again)
Veronica: Get her a chibbi.
Dani: I'll give you a chibbi.
Leah: I forgive you Dani, but not you Bubba. Nah-uh.
Bubba: What?
Spike: This can't be good.
Bubba: (yells) DANI!
Dani: (yells back at him) STOP YELLING AT ME!!
Bubba: (ignoring her) GET THE TABLES!
Dani: (yells) FINE! (gets a table, sets it up) Happy?
Bubba: Thank you. (Picks up Leah, slams her through the table.)
Leah: (twitch) Mean.
Bubba: Let's go Dani, we have a marriage to consummate. (they leave, Leah twitches)
THE END
Oh yea, that was horrible. Sorry guys. Thanks to alllllll the people who have ever reviewed my story, I really appreciate it! I have no idea when the next update will be, I think I might go back to my roots and write some, random shit…but, who knows. *waives* Hey, Inspiration, yea, down here! Care to hit me?? (Scott Hall hits me over the head) MEAN! That's not what I meant. Anyway, my sexy boy toy got hurt. I will get Joe Smith..yes, I will. Anyway, I'm off to visit Hedo Turkoglu (aka Turkiah) in Minnesota. Stupid Joe Smith, hurt my Turkiah.
Spike: You're going where?
Leah: No-where. (runs away) HAHHAHAHAHA YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!!!!!! (Christian stops me)
Christian: HEY!
Leah: Uh-oh.
Christian: I thought you were going to protect me from the Dudleys.
Leah: Um….
Christian: I don't count get my clothes stolen and get a towel pulled off me during RAW a LIVE SHOW as protection.
Leah: What state was this in?
Christian: South Carolina.
Leah: Out of my jurisdiction sorry.
Christian: What jurisdiction?
Leah: It was in our contract.
Christian: What contract?
Leah: Gotta go. (Runs away with Christian, Spike, and the Flock-pac following close behind. Christian and Spike are yelling at Leah while the Flock-pac is yelling at each other trying to figure out what they are running after.)
Is Turkiah Hurt? .
I hope not.. My poor turkiah.
Is Leah gonna say "Happy Thanksgiving Day?"
Technically, I just did!
Who won the race from a few chapters ago?
What Race?
Did anyone successfully hurt Trips or Bischoff?
Apparently not. Hopefully soon. Sean Morely gets added to this list too for screwing the Dudleyz!
A friendly reminder of the Commandments…
1) THOU SHALT NOT STEAL
2) THOU SHALT NOT KILL
3) (THE MOST IMPORTANT)
THOU SHALT NOT FUCK WITH THE DUDLEY BOYZ!