Fandom: Tokyo Babylon
Title: When we forget to say 'thank you'.
Rating: G
Description: After all these years, Subaru meets with the girl that he had let borrow his handkerchief (in the Save arc of TB).
Disclaimer: Clamp owns Tokyo Babylon and X.
(I keep on forgetting to say all these poems are mine. ^^;;;)
Many years pass, and I want to stay as I am.
Many more pass, and I know I must change.
Did you know it was because of you?
How does kindness fall like wheat
And becomes no more?
Please tell me why your heart
Has closed…
When we forget to say 'thank you'.
By Miyamoto Yui
"Bye bye Sensei!" The girls giggled as they ran away from me. I smiled as I lifted up my hand to say the same.
"See you tomorrow!" I called behind them.
"Of course, Sensei!" They smiled at me while their bodies became smaller and smaller down the hallway.
I went into my room to gather my belongings and filed the papers in front of me.
"How do I correct this all tonight?" I wondered aloud.
Glancing towards the window, I whispered to myself, "This is nothing."
After putting my things into my bag, I left.
This is nothing…
It is easier than it was before.
As the students bowed to me in respect, we went our separate ways.
And yet again, as I turned around to look at the familiar clock of the school, I wondered how he was doing.
It wasn't something that randomly popped into my head.
I thought of this boy often.
Chuckling softly to myself, I walked out of the school gates.
Oh, he wasn't a boy now. He should be how old? Just a few years younger than I was.
But he was beyond my reach for a while.
With all his strength.
When I got home, I took my shoes off and put my bag to one side. Then, I pressed the button of the answering machine and smiled. I hoped that it was a real message that blinked back at me and not a solicitor.
At least…
It wasn't to tell me something unpleasant…
As those girls used to do.
But I'm beyond that now.
Click.
"Hey you!" the message had recorded, "Are you free tonight? Let's go eat out or something? Call me back."
Laughing, I immediately called back and said that I didn't feel like eating out. And that was that.
"Chiharu's so sweet like that," I commented to myself as I changed to leave once again.
He was a great friend, but I didn't like him in that way. And there was no way I could possibly tell him something like that.
I put on my shoes and left for the night.
I walked around the city with my hands in my warm, long overcoat. Looking around, I had wondered why I had gone out when I had so much to do. And let's not forget that fact that I was really tired after staying up last night trying to make a lesson which involved a very hard activity to do with a group of high school students.
But it had been worth it in the end.
I don't know why I had always been like this. Going out when I felt that I should, for no particular reason.
And whenever I see the girls' seifuku, I thought about myself in their shoes.
When I wore that same uniform…
Gazing up to the dim sky and standing still for a moment, I sighed.
What would you say to me now?
I had finally faced myself, and I wanted to show you….
I resumed walking, watching the busy streets and the crowds of people that made this city of Tokyo feel as if it had never slept a wink. Moaning on in tiredness, but with a brightness that seemed never-ending.
The countless times I had contemplated on how our next meeting would be. Where and when?
Maybe by chance once again.
I wanted to show you how far I've come because of your kindness to me.
To make you proud and show you how proud I was of myself.
I felt the object in my pocket. That familiar warmth emanated from its very softness.
It was the root of everything…
I felt my face. And at the very second I passed some store, I looked at the window, staring into my lonely reflection with my scar as my reminder.
In that same instant, I saw a profile next to my own.
The eye…
One eye…
Opening my eyes widely, I felt like everything was in slow motion as I reached out to grab the person's shoulder.
"Sumimasen!" I politely excused myself. "Sumimasen!"
The man turned around unamused. But as he took a glimpse of me, his dull eye held some kind of remembrance of me.
I just couldn't let go of his shoulder.
But his eye pointed towards my hand and I took it away.
Why are you so cold?
"I'm sorry to bother you," I apologized as I bowed awkwardly. People passed by us with strange stares towards our direction.
"…" He just stared at me with a blank face once more.
"But are you Sumeragi Subaru-san?" My hands folded upon one another as they had the first time I had told him about the pain that I couldn't tell anyone else at the time.
He silently looked at me.
I couldn't read his face. Not like before.
Not like the smile he would give or his hesitation in speech.
This man was someone different now.
"Who are you?" he politely asked back, but with a monotone voice.
I blinked my eyes as my heart hurt.
I was the same as I was in high school whenever I came home and tried not to show those girls that I was a weakling when they smashed my body into little pieces.
I didn't know if I was mad for him for forgetting me, or had I been this stupid for stopping a stranger.
So many mixed emotions came, but with one redemption.
I had nothing to say in my defense.
Then, I recognized the gloves he had on. They were the same as they were back then. And so, without hesitation and with courage, I slipped my hands into my pockets.
Not thinking of the consequences, I reached out to him and took his hands between my own two. I looked at him with tears in my eyes that didn't seem to want to come out.
"I wanted to give back your handkerchief, Subaru-san." I trembled and squeezed his gloved hands. "I even kept it ironed like your sister had given it to you."
His eye opened a bit.
I tilted my head. "I wanted to say thank you for saving my life, Subaru-san."
Still looking straight into his one green eye, I held my breath. "I had wanted to say you made me stronger because I had met you."
Trying his best, he tried to smile at me…
But had failed.
I smiled wistfully at his attempt. Taking my hands away, I felt my heartbeat start to die down.
Shaking my head, I asked, "You don't remember me, do you?"
He just blinked at me, glancing to one side in shame.
I still didn't know if he had remembered.
"I thought you remembered everyone," I blurted out. "That's what you told me once. Even if you couldn't understand their pain, you treasured them with their burdens."
What had happened to that vibrant face so full of life?
Where had the Subaru that I had known gone?
I shook my head in frustration. "I don't know what has happened to you, but I just wanted you to know that I'm glad I met you."
Taking his hands again, I squeezed them with all the love and care I could…
As he had given me through the handkerchief.
"Hashimoto-sensei!" someone called from across the street.
I briefly looked at some of my students and bowed my head at them. Then, I turned back to Subaru-san with his mouth slightly open.
I finally let go of him.
"I'll leave you alone now. I'm sorry to have troubled you."
Turning around, I walked away from him with my head up high.
I wondered what happened to you, Subaru-san…
+/+/+/+/+/
Days later, when I came back from a tiring, yet okay day at school, I took off my shoes.
I pressed the button to see what my messages were.
"Message 1:
Hello again! It's Chiharu! How about going to the bookstore today? Your favorite book is out. Okay, talk to you later."
"Message 2."
There was a slight pause, and then someone said, "I forgot to say thank you for giving me back the handkerchief. I looked forward to meeting you again."
Pause again.
"And, you're welcome."
I stared at the answering machine in shock, blinking my eyes at it while trying not to cry. I failed though and ended up standing there for a while.
Wiping my tears away, I pressed for the messages to be played once more.
I called Chiharu back that it would be nice to go to the bookstore today.
I don't know what has happened to you Subaru…
I wonder what kind of cruelty would hurt you so much…
But I hope you will learn to move on too.
As I was leaving, I took one last glance at the answering machine.
The little red dot was blinking back at me.
Grinning with melancholy, I locked the door.
I will save that too, Subaru-san…
Owari.
-
Author's note: ;_; How many times do I have to cry for Tokyo Babylon? Apparently not enough. I thought that this concept would be good so I wrote it. I got back to reading my manga again.
So, Happy Thanksgiving and this is my way of saying thank you for always reading my humble fics.
And I dedicated this to you…
Even though you don't know I am…
November 28th, 2002