The Norfair Hermit
By LazerTH
***
Samus Aran, legendary bounty hunter of the galaxy, tore through Space Pirates (you've seen them hundreds of times), obliterated Funes (those annoying mouth-like things which hang around in walls and spit fireballs) and shot down KiHunters (big, nasty flying mantises) while escaping from Norfair (the hot spot of Zebes).
"Must you describe to me what everything I come across is?" she grumbled. The computer within her visor beeped happily and told her that Sovas were the Norfair version of Geemers, with their spikes on fire.
"Shut up," she said, and mentally switched off the computer. It sighed and went to sleep. Samus concentrated on the map, which floated into view. She was in the "Bubble room" (thus dubbed by Samus) of Norfair, having just rolled out of the tunnel in the wall. Two Alcoons (-things that resembled a horse fish on Earth- the computer said. The stupid know-it-all had reactivated itself) hopped out the ground on both sides. She wondered for a moment why they existed solely for the purpose of attacking her. A few quick shots with the ice beam finished them. Something hit Samus on the head, sending her reeling backward.
"Damn Mella," she swore, and destroyed it (a blue floating ball! Said the computer) with the screw attack. After landing next to the blue door, she ordered the computer to shut itself down. She could do her job without some binary coded buffoon telling her the obvious.
"Okay," the cheerful voice said, and shut down. Samus flopped onto the ground as her entire power suit went offline. She was quickly running out of oxygen.
"Hey!"
"Just kidding," the computer giggled. What the hell, how could a computer giggle? She thought. With a slight hum the power suit resumed its function, protecting her from the harsh environs (and citizens) of Zebes. When she returned to her ship, after finding out what those golden statues in Crateria were, she would reprogram this ridiculous voice inside her head. Computers do not giggle, she thought again, as she stepped out the blue door.
Leaping above the Cacatac (watch out for the spines!) and falling to the bubble floor, Samus laid a power bomb.
"It's a bit like laying an egg, don't you think? Just like that nice Dachoras who taught you the ultra jump!"
Samus groaned as the bomb exploded. She fell into the small alcove with a choice of two doors, and she took the one set into the wall before her.
"Ooh, this is the part with running through all the Beetoms and the walls, isn't it? I love running!"
"Shut up! You're a computer! You don't love anything!"
"I love you, don't I? I keep you alive all the time."
Stupefied, Samus stayed silent. She started to run, feeling the Speed Booster 'kick in'. Trailing shadows behind her, she was just about to burst through the wall, sending several parasitic Beetoms to their death, when she crashed straight through the floor beneath.
"What the hell?" she cried out, falling and falling.
"Wheee!" sang the computer. They landed a few seconds later, Samus utterly confused, while the computer babbled that she'd discovered a new area. Earlier, when she had run through the passage above, the floor was completely resistant to extreme speed, unlike the floor she had run through to meet Dachoras. But, this floor had just given way. How? Why?
Her visor had adapted to the darkness, glowing yellow. There was a solid gray door in the small globular room, unbreakable by any of her weapons. She had to complete some task in the room in order to open that door, the computer observed. Resigned to her fate, Samus stood in the center of the room, using the X-Ray visor to search for clues. Soon she found a small tunnel, leading off in the opposite direction to the door. Maybe it led to the Bubble room again.
Hopping up to the tunnel, she curled into the morph ball and rolled her way into the darkness. Her map was registering the new path she took all the time, chirped the computer. A while later the ground collapsed. At the bottom was another tunnel, leading in the opposite direction.
"So the gray door was a decoy. This tunnel may lead you into the area the door sealed off."
"I gathered as much, thank you."
"Always pleased to be of service."
Samus had a memory of the waiter in some galactic pub she frequented between missions. Nice guy, he never asked for a tip.
The tunnel escapade ended when she sprung out of it, landing behind the sealed door.
"Yes, I was right," the computer noted with glee.
"I don't need your help."
"Cheer up!"
Samus laughed without mirth. She would cheer up when a few million credits were added to her bank account. The Federation never paid her more than thousands.
There was a blue door now, and she shot it. Inside was brighter, with twelve Fire Fleas peacefully hovering about.
"The ice beam will prevent them from damaging you without diminishing their light," rattled the computer. Samus wanted to scream, but thought better. It might tell her to cheer up. She wasted no time in freezing the lot of them and proceeding downhill. Through the next door were more Fire Fleas, and a very large room. Stepping into mid air she fell, or rather floated (the power suit never accelerated when falling) onto the floor.
"Oh. Hello. It is pleasing that we should meet here."
"You're always inside my head," snapped Samus. The she realized it wasn't the computer that had spoken.
"I am not, young lady, inside your head. You do not need that space suit inside here."
"My Maker!" cried the computer.
"What?"
"My Maker! He who programmed me!"
The gray bearded human male was taller than Samus in her power suit. He wore a silvery suit, not made of metal, but flexible like cloth. His helmet was off and his solemn blue eyes stared at her.
"I am indeed he who reprogrammed your suit's computer. Do you know who I am?"
Samus drew a blank.
"Cornelius Mueller. I worked for the Federation."
"You?" Samus said. When her atmospheric sensor gave her the green light, she deactivated the helmet. It dematerialized from her head, allowing her silky blonde hair to fall.
"Yes, me. I see you are still wearing the Chozo power suit. A miraculous machine, both organic and electronic."
"How…"
Samus paused to reorganize her thoughts.
"How did you reprogram the computer? It's impossible."
"I live in Norfair now," Cornelius said absent mindedly, "I know everything that goes on around here."
He considered her puzzled face.
"When Ridley came back with the metroid larva I knew that you weren't far
behind. So I occupied myself," he smiled. His teeth were intact, although a bit yellow. "I spent some time 'fixing' one of your precious Save Modules. When you logged in your progress, your suit's computer was changed. I thought it might cheer you up a bit."
Her computer beeped, enjoying the attention. Samus was furious, her blue eyes flaring.
"You have no right to alter my suit! Even though you studied it after my second mission," she protested. She remembered him now, the tall scientist who had analyzed her suit years ago. He had been clean-shaven then and smelt better.
"Yes, I am a bit of a genius to change your suit," he chuckled, "Even if it's just your electronic companion."
"I'm glad you did!" the computer giggled.
Samus was having a hard time putting up with the two of them. No wonder she was a solo bounty hunter.
"Look, Mr. Mueller, I have no idea why you're here, how you survived, why you changed the suit's computer, or trapped me down here, but I have a mission to complete."
"Well. I'm hurt."
"Tough," she said between grit teeth.
"Bah. Fine. Follow me, oh exalted hunter."
He reached behind him and brought the helmet of the silvery suit over his head. Upon the hood crawled a Geemer, a small creature that resembled a porcupine and crawled along walls.
"Mind your head!" Samus warned, as her helmet formed over her head and the combat visor locked onto the offending Geemer.
"NO!" Cornelius shouted, waving his arms over the spiky creature. Samus lowered her arm cannon in further confusion.
"This is my pet, Glee! Leave her alone, she's done nothing to harm you," Cornelius yelled, and placed the Geemer on his shoulder, tickling it. It crooned with pleasure. Samus nearly fell over with surprise.
"Pet?" she sputtered. "It is a dangerous organism of this planet!"
"So?" he countered, as Glee crept over his chest. It seemed to tickle him, and he chuckled. "Glee's never harmed me. It's not much different from owning a very large snail, except more prickly."
Samus looked at him. She was sure she had seen the suit somewhere before… the dead person in Kraid's lair! It had the same suit he was wearing, except his was not metal. When Samus had approached the figure, insects were buzzing about the body. It had been dead for a long time. Did Cornelius know who it had been?
She shook her head, gaining hold of her priorities.
"I've been delayed enough. Please show the way out of here, until I find some familiar ground. I can take you back to my ship, where you will be safe until the mission is completed."
"Sounds like a plan, Miss Aran. Crawl, or roll, this way."
He crept, with the Geemer creeping all over him, into another tunnel. She turned into the morph ball and followed suit. He was very slow in comparison; she was forced to be patient with both him and the computer that had, for some reason, begun to compose poetry.
"Geemer Glee, gleefully crawl
Into nooks and crannies in the wall
Crawl onto your master, if it were,
But stay away from Samus; you annoy her."
Cornelius was delighted with the poem and said so.
"Really? I made it up in ten thousandth of a millisecond. Would you like to hear the other nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine poems about Glee?"
"NO!" cried Samus, and bumped into Cornelius's rear end to hurry him along. The bubbling plop of lava could be heard echoing in the tunnel as they approached red light. Samus's power suit registered a dramatic increase in temperature.
"My silver suit is based off the technology of your suit," Cornelius started to say, "although it has no organic components, it can survive the same conditions as your Varia Suit."
"You would need it to live in Norfair."
"Correct. I envy the technology of the Chozos a great deal. Well, here we are. My hunting ground."
The tunnel ended in a room filled with pools of red magma. The computer mentioned that her Gravity Suit could swim in the stuff.
"I went through the same liquid before the entrance to Ridley's lair," she noted. The computer gave an electronic shrug. Glee, smelling something good, crawled off Cornelius and went in search of food.
"As I said, my suit is based off yours. I have an arm cannon, but it is pathetic. It has limited range and the same power as your weakest shot."
"You poor man," Samus droned. He must have one hell of a time hunting the red Gamets, hovering Gerutas and side-hopping Desseegas that inhabited here. On top of those, there were Sovas crawling on the ceiling (fiery relatives of Glee), Squeepts hopping out of the magma, red Mellas and she thought she saw a KiHunter buzzing around somewhere. In the magma lived Dragons (one of them spat a fireball toward Samus at this point, she returned an ice beam) and skull-like Nahimes that spat blue fireballs.
"You poor man," she said again. Cornelius shrugged and pointed into the lava.
"Down there somewhere, I think it's beneath the leftmost Nahime, is a passage you could use the morph ball in."
"You won't be able to follow me."
Cornelius gave her a reassuring smile.
"I never wanted to. Heck, there are other ways to get out of this place, but I like it. It's warm."
A thought occurred to Samus.
"Lend me your arm cannon."
He held it up. She switched off all other attack beams except the Spazer, which she had had no use for since finding the almighty Plasma Beam. The front end of her cannon spread open (as it did when firing missiles) and connected with his. For a few moments their suits exchanged data and there was a final beep. Their suits were compatible.
"It's a going away present," she said afterward. Curious, Cornelius pointed his fully charged cannon at a nearby Mella; too busy bouncing its way around the cavern to notice the humans. There was a flash of yellow light and the Mella was no more. Cornelius let out a whoop and leaped four feet off the ground.
"The Spazer beam! No more hiding from KiHunters for me!" he yelled. He turned around and embraced Samus awkwardly, getting his arms around her suit's huge shoulders.
"Thank you, Miss Aran. I will never forget you."
He let out another whoop and chased after the nearest side-hopping Desseega, which grunted angrily and tried to jump on him.
Samus left them to their dispute and walked into the lava. She neutralized the Nahimes with several ice beams (it is a wonder that her ice beam could function in such heat) and found the passage. A while later she came across a very, very long tunnel. The magma was rising and falling in this place, filling and emptying the passage that was large enough for her to walk in. At the end of it was a dead end.
"Try using the X-Ray visor!" urged the computer. Mumbling under her breath, she did so, and found breakable blocks above her.
"Hey, a long passage, with a fragile ceiling? Time for your inner Dachoras to express itself."
"Agreed. I can't speed boost through this dense magma, so I'll have to time it."
Running back to the beginning of the passage, she turned on her heel and took several swift strides. The Speed Booster acted up, and when she reached the end (just as the magma swished about her feet), she crouched. Her power suit vibrated with golden energy, and Samus performed the Ultra Jump, draining energy as fast as she rocketed upward. By the time she hit solid rock, fifteen of her twenty energy tanks had been spent!
"Whoa, that was some flight!"
"Indeed."
Samus noticed where she was in relation to her map.
"What the hell," she murmured. Crouching into a ball she exploded a power bomb, clearing away the rocks above. She looked upward, and stared at the underbelly of her space ship. It patiently floated above Crateria's soil, waiting for its pilot.
"Amazing!" ranted her computer, "Astounding! This can only mean one thing! You have just shot up the shaft of a volcano!"
"A volcano."
It made perfect sense. Norfair, beneath the crust of Zebes, had created a volcano ages ago that led all the way up to the surface. She had just blasted through thousands of generations of rock, which had once been lava.
"Do you think the volcano is extinct?" it wondered.
"I hope so… what is that, an earthquake?"
The computer almost screamed at her.
"Samus! Get inside your ship and move it out of the way!"
"Damn," she replied, understanding at once. The laws of physics had glanced in her direction while she made a new shaft, and obligingly sent magma to follow her. The yellow space ship shuddered to life and reversed at top speed, just as deadly liquid rock gushed upward into a burning fountain above Crateria.
"Phew," said the computer.
"Yes. By the way, when I exchanged data with Cornelius's suit, it told me that you could be reprogrammed by my ship's own system."
"Aw! You don't really mean that."
"Yes, yes I do," Samus replied, and deleted the cheerful program forever. Her ship supplied a backup copy of her old computer.
"System online. External temperature, normal. Energy supply at maximum. Weapons at maximum. Power suit in optimum condition."
"Excellent."
"You sure you don't want to hear more of my poems?"
"Damn it!"
***END***
Author's note:
Hope you had as much fun reading this as I did typing it. I thought Samus needed a break from tradition, anyway. I apologize if I spelt a creature name incorrectly. Any comments are appreciated.