Title: Big Bother
Set up: This is a rather unusual story. It is a Dr Who/Buffy/Star Trek/Smallville/X-Files/Gimme, Gimme/Big Brother crossover.
Characters: Doctors number 6 and 7, Buffy, Willow, James Kirk, Clark Kent, Scully, Linda and Tom and Big Brother.
Location: The Big Brother house, somewhere in space and time.
Disclaimers: I own nothing.
Buffy opened her eyes and quickly closed them again. Perhaps if she kept them closed long enough she would wake up. Unless of course this was not a dream after all. Buffy and Willow had been cleaning the particularly pungent entrails of a Chaos Demon of the walls of the Magic Shop when all of a sudden they had found themselves here in this house.
Buffy waited and waited and then opened her eyes again. No, she was still there. She could feel Willows hand tighten around her own. Finally accepting reality Buffy looked in detail at space the people around her. The decoration was basic and mirrors that went from torso height up were on every wall. It was an open plan space with a set of sofas and a coffee table at the base of some stairs leading up to a door. The lounge area carried on to an open plan kitchen with patio doors out on to a small garden with an outdoors Jacuzzi and a chicken coop. Two door on either side of the stairs led to two bedrooms and a third door under the stairs that nobody had yet been able to open led to another room.
Buffy and Willow were sitting on one of the three sofas opposite two men. One was tall and stout with curly yellow hair and a multicoloured patchwork coat and the other was smaller and wore a jumper with a question mark design all over it. A straw hat perched on the top of his head as he sat hugging an umbrella like a teddy bear, every so often he would irritably mumble to himself in a Scottish accent. Curiously both men said they were "The Doctor" and each obviously saw the title as their unique privilege not to be shared with anybody else. They had now finally stopped shouting at each other but the argument seemed to continue in their body language even now they were both silent.
Pacing up and down behind these two men was a fair-haired guy in his 30s. He was wearing a tight yellow pullover with a sparkly insignia on the left breast. He was permanently holding in his stomach in the vain hope of hiding his obvious paunch. He had introduced himself as "Captain James.T.Kirk of the Fed…"
Buffy instantly dislike to the man and had stopped listening almost as soon as he had opened his mouth. He came across as a letch and she could tell he fancied his chances with her. Yuck, thought Buffy, shifting closer to Willow when she caught him looking at her.
At the top of the stairs was "Clark, just plain Clark Kent". He was a young guy with an air of innocence about his gentle but pouty features. Strands from his mane of black hair had flickered in front of his blue eyes when he had introduced himself. "Down girl" Willow had whispered to Buffy noticing the Slayers wistful gaze. If I was five years younger, Buffy had thought to herself. Clark was now at the top of the stairs pushing against the doors, trying to force them open. He was getting ever more frustrated that he could not open them. Who did he think he was a superhero?
At the bottom of the stairs stood an elegant red haired woman. She oozed sophistication in both her business like suit and her commanding manner. She had kept pretty much to herself, watching and monitoring everyone else like suspects in a murder. When Willow had pressed her she had introduced herself as "Agent Dana Scully, FBI" and disappeared into a corner.
Finally there was the other guy and girl arguing in a tug of war over a bar of chocolate in the kitchen area. They had not stopped shouting at each other since the arrived and nobody else had managed to speak to them, let alone ask them anything. Buffy had picked up their names, as they seemed to call each other Tom and Linda, between expletives. The guy was limp limbed and rather camp but the girl was a human tornado. Small but plump she wore clothes 10 years too young and five sizes too small for her, including a lime green plastic mini skirt over orange tights. Her curly hair was a reddish orange and she Yellow glasses on her bulldog like face. Scully had said that they both sounded like Londoners.
Buffy and Willow looked at the people around them and then at each other. They were nearly about to break into tears when they were suddenly interrupted by a powerful and commanding voice.
"This is Big Brother, can all housemates please assemble in the lounge area"
"Stop this charade immediately" bellowed the yellow haired Doctor. "I know who you are Toymaker, you will not get away with this".
"I am not…." There was a cough and the voice continued. "Big Brother will get back to you on that, in the meantime can everyone please assemble at the sofas until you are called into the Diary Room to make you nominations for this weeks disintergra…." Another cough, "sorry that should say eviction".
After a couple of minutes the voice returned.
"Can Buffy please come to the Diary Room"
Everyone turned to look at Buffy as she got up and moved to the door under the stairs. She entered and sat down on the large red chair facing a microphone and a blank wall.
She could hear the voice again.
"Hello Buffy, can you please give me the name of the person you wish to nominate for EVICTION, this week".
"But what I don't want to, why should I?" she said sticking out her bottom lip.
Buffy could hear teeth grinding as the voice replied in obvious irritation.
"Because if you do not then I will just have to NOMINATE you best friend Willow for you".
Buffy replied in panic "My nomination this week will be…."
A little while later everyone had been into the Diary Room and they were all sitting in silence on the sofas. Then the voice spoke again and they all listened carefully.
"This is Big Brother, the housemate that has been selected for eviction this week is…"
There was a long pause when Buffy could have sworn she could hear a drum roll.
"Linda" said the voice.
"Oh shit" said Linda.
Every body turned to look at Linda as suddenly she exploded in a burst of flames. When the smoke cleared a small pile of red ash lay where she had been sitting.
"Oh my God, Lindy" screamed Tom in panic, clasping his face in his hands.
The voice could be heard laughing evilly.
To be continued………?