Anime and RPGS
The Fashion Club
Chapter VIII. Lara's Evil Plan
By: DaVe AkA LUnAr (Lunar Shinra)



TV Announcer: "Attention! We interrupt this program to bring you a
very important announcement! It seems there is an extremely strange
new chemical being spread in the air throughout the entire worldwide
region. Where it's coming from we do not know but it seems that this
chemical is causing billions of people worldwide to become a hundred
times more sexually active. Scientists are currently investigating-er,
at least they're supposed to be but they're too busy fucking.

Well anyway, be on the lookout for rapists, so that way you can get
your lube ready. And for those that are already extremely sexually
active such as infamous porn star superwhore Lara Croft, who knows
what kind of effect the outbreak might have... I think she might just
go MAWD..."

PRESENT DAY. PRESENT TIME. YAHAHAHAHAHHA!
Setting: Hell

Brahne and Mizuno are still fighting over Borgan.

Brahne: "Borgan is mine!!"

Mizuno: "HE'S MINE!"

Fatty girl from Ludacris starts playing.

Brahne: "GASP! It's me and Borgan's LOVE theme!"

Mizuno: "WHAT!? That's the love theme for ME and Borgan!"

Brahne: "NO WAY! We were playing that song on our anniversary!"

Mizuno: "We were playing that when he loss his virginity to me!"

Brahne: "NO WAY!"

Mizuno: "YES WAY! We were going to name our first child 'Pepperoni
Pizza With Extra Cheese!'"

Brahne: "We were gunna name ours 'Delicious all you can eat buffet
thanksgiving 90% off all ordives FEAST! No tax included with ice
cream desert!'"

Brahne: "..."

Mizuno: "..."

Brahne and Mizuno all of a sudden break into a kiss and then pull
back.

Brahne: "You kissed me!"

Mizuno: "NO! You kissed me you freak!"

Brahne and Mizuno: "..." ::break into kiss again and pull back again::

Brahne: "Don't touch me!!"

Mizuno: "You're touching yourself stupid!"

Brahne: ::looks down and sees her own hands on herself::

Brahne and Mizuno: "...I'm hungry..."

Brahne: "I wanna taste Borgan's lips..."

Mizuno: "They belong to me!"

Dola from Laputa: Castle in the Sky appears: "YOU'RE BOTH WRONG!
Borgan is mine!"

Brahne: "Who the hell are you!? And how dare you copy my hairstyle!"

Dola: "YOUR hairstyle!? I'm about a billion years older than you
so there!!"

Mizuno: "Somehow... I find that easy to believe..."

Dola: "It shows!? So my new youth cream that I made out of bacon
grease doesn't work!?"

Brahne: "Bacon grease!? I don't smell any and I can detect food a
hundred lightyears away!!"

Mizuno: ::licks Dola's wrinkly skin:: "You're right! This isn't bacon
grease! It's facial hair! ...And... MMM! ACNE!!"

Mizuno and Brahne start licking at Dola's face.

Dola: "Of course silly! I ate the bacon grease to make myself younger,
derf! What else am I supposed to do with skin cream!?"

Borgan appears in a holy light from heaven. Dressed in a white robe,
halo and wings.

Brahne, Dola and Mizuno: "GASP! BORGEEE!!"

Borgan: "Please! Do not fight over me! I have come up with a love
theme for the three of us!"

HORNY HUNGRY HIPPOS start playing in the background.

Borgan: "Get yo groove on!" ::outfit transforms into pimping suit
with jewelry and sunglasses::

Borgan, Brahne, Dola and Mizuno form a congo line but their arms are
too short to reach each other's shoulders coz they're bellies are in
the way. They sway their fatasses back and forth destroying
everything in their path.

Borgan: ::sniffs air:: "Do you smell that?"

Brahne, Dola and Mizuno: "FOOOOOODD!"


Setting: Misato's apartment

Asuka: "UGH! Having to eat Misato's awful cooking again! No way!"

Lara: ::takes Asuka's plate and stuffs it in her shirt::

Misato: "MMM!!! But it's so good! It's leftovers from last year since
no one would eat them!"

Asuka: "Where's Shinji and Pen pen?"

Misato: "You were just eating them!"

Everyone: "..." ::gives their food to Lara::

Kuja: "Hey! Since we're starting to lose members I went out and
got us some new recruits!"

Celine: "Who?"

Serio from Tenchi Muyo! Freiza from DBZ, and Milich from Suikoden
step out.

Lara: "AAAHHH!!! NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! This club is for females only!
This is not some crossdressers club!!"

Serio: "How rude!" ::fluffs his pink hair and places his hand on his
hip like a stuck up valley girl::

Milich: "Indeed! I have faarrr better taste than you people anyway!"
::shows off his pink fur coat::

Kuja: "OH Milich! Is that a new purse you got there!"

Milich: "Indeed!"

Freiza: "It's FAB-ulous!"

Misato: "....GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!" ::throws Serio, Milich, and
Freiza out the window::

Kuja: "I'll join yall for tea later! Bai bai!"

Celine: "That was... scary..."

A huge explosion in the bathroom.

Misato: "That thing's been clogged for years... Don't mind it."

No. 9 from Parasite Eve 2 steps out and points water gun: "Mwaha!
Freeze!"

Lara: "AHH! I surrender!" ::throws hands up as all these handguns,
assault rifles, rocket launchers, magnum colts, shotguns and grenade
launchers fall out her shirt::

Celine: "Damnit! We're unevenly unmatched! We don't stand a chance!"

No. 9: "Mwahaha! I've set up a bomb to blow up this place!"

Misato: "GASP! My LOVELY clean apartment!" ::beer bottles, cans and cup
noodle cups are everywhere::

Lara: ::evil grin:: "Hee-hee. Now's my chance to escape as the others
are blown to smithereens!"

Lara pulls out a chopper from her shirt as the fashion club floods in.

Lara: "HEEY!" ::climbs in as the chopper flies out through the tiny
window::

The whole building blows up and Rei unfortunately did not make it :D.

Misato: "This WASN'T an accident... someone must have planned this
out... hmm... but who?"

Asuka: "Anta baka!? Maybe that stupid No. 9 guy duh!?"

Misato: "But who programmed him to do it?"

Lara is talking on the phone in the backroom: "Hee-hee! The plan was
a success! Even though the others managed to escape I still managed
to get rid of one of them!"

Rei gets cloned and Rei 4 is born.

Kuja: "Welcome back Rei! So nice to have you back!"

Rei: ::naked:: ...

Lara: "DAMNIT!"

No. 9: "I think you've forgotten..."

Lara: "WHAT!?"

No. 9: "I was in that explosion too... ugh..." ::collapses and dies::

Lara sneaks up on Celine and knocks her off the chopper.

Celine: "AHH!!!!" ::lands in a pool of those really expensive
lotions:: "Wow! My skin's so silky smooth now!"

Lara: "GRRR!! Damnit!"

Asuka: "Aye! Honestly Rei! Don't you do ANYTHING besides be naked!?
C'mon! Do just ONE thing! ANYthing! Anything at all!!!"

Rei: ::nude:: ...

Asuka: "Aside from that!"

Rei: ::unclothed:: ...

Asuka: "Something else!"

Rei: ::bare:: ...

Asuka: "ARGH! I give up on this stupid wind up doll!"

Lara: ::runs over to Kuja with a magazine:: "Look! The crossdressers
delux store is having a clearance sale! Buy two thongs get the third
one half off!"

Kuja: "GAASSSPPP!!" ::squeals and immediately calls up his "gal" pals::

Serio: "Oh wow! That sounds teerific!"

Freiza: "WON-de-ful!"

Milich: "Suuper!"

Kuja, Serio, Freiza and Milich rush over there.

Kuja: "Oh darn! They took all the extra extra small tight ones!"

Lara: ::snicker:: "Hee-hee... that gets rid of one of them..."


Day 23.
Setting: Goth House

Cassandra Goth (from The Sims): ::just came back from school and
walks into the house::

Bella: ::talks some Simlish crap:: "HREWUIOH43UV45IUGCIUG!!!"

Cassandra: "J43UIREHUIVIUGWCIYWG3YIGX!!!"

Bella goes to the kitchen to cook and starts a fire.

Bella: "OOO! AAHHH!!" ::stands right infront of the fire like a
stupid idiot::

Cassandra: ::escapes the safety of the outdoors and runs right infront
to the fire:: "OOO! AAHHH!"

Cassandra and Bella wave their arms in the air therefore creating more
oxygen in the air making the fire grow bigger.

Cassandra just stands there as the flame goes onto her as she tries
to brush it off: "AAAAIIEEEEE!!!"

Bella: ::just stands there panicking as she's soon swallowed up by
the flames also:: "AAAIIIEEEE!!!"

Dearest Sympathy! Cassandra Goth has burned to death! MWAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Oh yea and that bitch Bella's gone
too.

Mortimer comes home and sees the kitchen filled with piles of ashes.
Since his kitchen is burnt he eventually starves to death.

Lara: ::sticks her head out of the trash:: "Exceelleeennttt!"

Sara: "Hey! Watch were where you're putting those breasts! I can
barely breathe in here!"

Lara: "Shut up and keep sticking that-OOO! Yea..."


Day 24.
Setting: Hotel

Celine: "AAAIIIEEE!!! This is terrible! Just look at how unpopular
our club is becoming!"

Kuja: ::curled up in a silk robe holding onto a pillow wiping his
tearful eyes with tissues:: "Be quiet! I'm watching my soap opera!
It's getting to the dramatic part! It's staring my best friend Serio!"

Asuka: "Aye! See! Even SERIO gets to be on TV!!!"

Kuja: "Well, naturally I'm jealous but I'm also happy for him! Sssh!
Here comes the best part!"

On the tv screen:

Serio's dressed up as a housewife with a pink apron. His no good for
nothing lazy bum of a husband sits infront of the couch getting
drunk.

Husband: ::talks in western accent:: "HoneH! Where's mAh dinna?!"

Serio: "I can't take this anymore! I slave over a hot stove all day
and this is the thanks I get!"

Husband: "Ah shaddap!"

Serio: "You never even take me out anymore! Remember how we used to
go see the opera together!?"

Baby: "WAAAHHH!!!"

Serio runs over and picks up the baby: "There there little Serio
junior."

Baby: ::looks exactly like Serio only smaller with the same pink
fluffy hair::

Serio: "Well I've had it! I can't take it anymore! I was the most
popular cheerleader in high school! I could've married a doctor or
a lawyer not some unemployed loser like you!" ::throws baby onto
the floor::

Serio rips off the apron to reveal his leather skimpy, tight suit
underneath. The cardboard background used for the house disappears
and a gang of musclemen bikerboys drive in on motorcycles.

Serio: "So long whatever your name is!" ::climbs on the bike seat
of one of the motorcycles and drives off thru the sunset::

Gold text: The End.

Commercial break:

Sara: "YYAAWWWWNNN!!!" ::pops out of the trash can she lives in and
scratches her head::

Weird lady: "Hello there! How do you feel?"

Sara: "Huh!? Who the hell are you!? Get the hell out of my alley!"

Lady: "Perfectly understandable but how does your teeth feel?"

Sara: "What teeth?" ::opens mouth to show she has no teeth::

Lady: "Fabulous! New orbit sugar free gum!"

Celine: "What!? Even SARA ANDERSON gets to be in a commercial!?!? Now
that just makes us look sooo bad!"

Kuja: ::sniffle:: "That soap opera had such a sad ending."

Asuka: "We have GOT to get ourselves on TV SOMEhow!!"

The fashion club heads to Fox since they have all the bootleg
wannabe anime stuff that gets dubbed using surfer dude/dumb blonde
voices.


Day 25.
Setting: Stage

French director: "Lights! Camera! Acshuun!"

Kuja: ::wearing lingerie:: "Eeep! That scary lightning!"

Sound effects person: ::bangs two plates against each other::

Asuka: ::combing a cheap doll that has only three strands of hair::
"Relax! Sailor Kuja! It's only rain!"

Lara: ::wearing little nightgown:: "I bet Sailor Celine is at the mall
with a BOOOY!"

They giggle.

Bra: "Tee-hee! Maybe a GIRRRL!"

Nobody notices Bra is even there.

Bra: "GODDAMNIT!!!"

Celine: ::appears at the doorway wearing her shower curtain as a rain
coat::

Girls: "GASP! Sailor Celine!"

Celine: ::pulls out doll missing a head and a leg:: "The NEGAVERSE is
trying to drown the planet!"

Girls: "The power of love and friendship!" ::holds up bootleg broken
dolls::

Cardboard background caves in on them.

Girls: "GASP! Did we do that!?"

Narrator: "SAILOR MOON! Each sold seperately."

Asuka: "Oh well! At least we got to be on TV!"


Day 26.
Setting: Carnival

Asuka: "Sigh... I don't get it. What kind of a retard would pick
Misato over ME!? Kaji's probably been eating too much of Misato's
cooking..."

Asuka sees sign that reads:

Velvet room!

Get your fortunes told here for ANYTHING.

Asuka: "Great idea!" ::rushes in::

Igor from Persona 2: ::sits infront of table wearing a mexican dress
with a rag over his head:: "Weeellcccooomme!"

Asuka: "YOU tell fortunes!?"

Igor: "Well I used to summon Persona but then I realized I couldn't
go on doing that since I made no money from it and I DO have a family
I need to support ya know?"

Asuka: "Uh-huh..."

Igor: "Now... teel me... the first thirty letters of your name!"

Asuka: "Uh... A-S-U-K-A."

Igor: ::concentrates and mumbles some gibberish:: "AH! Your name is...
....ASUKA!"

Asuka: "...GASP! Impressive! But can I trust your love fortunes...?"

Igor: ::shovels a bunch of tarot cards:: "The cards never lie!"

Asuka: ::picks up one of the cards:: "HIEROPHANT Umayado no Ouji.
What does that mean?"

Igor: ::shrugs:: "That'll be 400 dollars please!"

Asuka: "GRRR!!!" ::storms back home and checks her mail:: "Eh? What's
this?"

y0uRe NeXt

AnOnYmouS (Lara)

Asuka: "Uh-huh..."

Asuka walks into the house and turns on all the lights regardless of
the fact it's daytime and it's extremely sunny outside.

The phone rings.

Asuka: ::jumps up from fear:: "GASP! No one has called me for years
since I'm such a reject! Why would they call me now!?"

Asuka cautiously approaches the phone, shivering and slowly picks up
the phone.

Asuka: "W-who's this!??!?! If this is Misato, then NO, I DO NOT WANT
LESBIAN SEX YOU SICK FREAK!"

Voice on the phone: "Do you like... porno movies?!"

Asuka: ::narrows eyes:: "...What kind...?"

Voice: "The ones with... SAFE SEX!!!"

Asuka: "AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" ::drops phone::

The lights suddenly go out.

Asuka: "AAAHHHH!!!" ::starts running insanely in panic, tripping
over every single piece of furniture in the house even tho the light
from outside shines through the windows really brightly::

Asuka: ::trips over a sofa and goes flying into the air and lands
on the bed... dead!::

A very masculine, muscleman steps into the room and talks in a very
deep voice: "So how did you like my little seduction act...? Or do
you prefer to do it with the lights on?"

Man lifts up the pair of scissors that he used to cut the electric line
with.

Man: "...Asuka?"

Man goes into the room to see Asuka on the bed: "Ah... so you're
already all worked up, eh?"

Man rips of mask to reveal an even more masculine face... MISATO!!

Misato: ::starts singing:: "Don't get fooled by the cock that I got.
I'm still Misato, Misato from the block. Used to have a little one
but my manly genes made it grow a lot. No matter where it goes I never
forget where I got it from... THE BRONX PLASTIC SURGEON HOSPITAL!
I think it might have been donated by Kuja since it was so small at
first."

Asuka: ::sits up from bed:: "AHHH!! NO! I'M NOT DEAD!!"

Misato: "No, duh! I don't have sex with dead bo-... well, not that
often anyway... now come here you sexy thing~!"

Asuka: "AAAHHH!!!!!"

-----------

"Misato! Misato!"

Misato: "Huh? What!?"

Kaji: "Um... you fell asleep while we were doing it... it seems you
had a really nice dream... coz you orgasmed more than when we were
doing it... and you moaned a lot louder..."

Misato: "Oh I had this wonderful dream! About... er... YOU... Yes.
See, I made this prank call to you and then I cut the electric line
and then you started running around, tripping over stuff... And oh my
god! You looked so sexy in that school girl uniform!"

Kaji: "You wanna see me in a schoolgirl uniform!? Why didn't you
say so!?" ::runs to closet::

Misato: "Er... yea... right..." ::sneaks out and heads over to Nerv
Headquarters::

Misato: "I must confess my love to Asuka!"


Setting: Nerv HQ

Coincidentally, Lara headed to Nerv HQ in search of Asuka as well.

Lara: ::standing in elevator, polishing her gun with lube:: "Heehee...
I failed to kill Rei but I won't fail at killing Asuka!"

Lara begins to breathe heavily: "Shit! I'm SOOO horny! I'm about to
fuck ANYTHING right about now!"

All of a sudden the elevator stops and in steps SARA ANDERSON.

Lara: "AAAHH!!" ::runs all the way into the corner::

The elevator gets stuck.

Lara: "AAAHHHHH!!" ::starts ramming head against wall, hoping to
die.::

Elsewhere...


Setting: Asuka's house

The REAL Asuka just got into her house.

The phone rings and Asuka picks it up.

Hikari: "HI!!! It's me Hikari!!"

Asuka: "Hi Hikari! What cha been doing?"

Hikari: "NOTHING! I've been so bored I started playing connect the
dots with my face!"

Asuka: "Well come on over! They're about to show the world premiere
of the commercial I was in!"

Hikari comes over and they both sit in front on the couch.

Asuka turns on the TV: "Damnit! It's not on yet! Oh well... let's
just wait a while."

TV:

Commercial dude: "Buy the new Avril Lavigne CD coz 'lyk yew kno shez
lyk seeeeeeww punx RAWK!!' "

Commercial dude puts his head down and snickers as his shoulders start
shaking: "Hehehe... hehe... GWAHAHA!! Punk rock my ass!"



Asuka: "Boring!" ::changes channel::

TV narrator: "We are about to show the world premiere of the trailer
for the newly, long awaited movie... Resident Evil!"

Hikari: "I heard that movie's scary enough to make you pee in your
suspenders!"

Tv narrator: "Remember, this trailer contains NEVER BEFORE SEEN
footage!"

Asuka: "No duh!"

TV:

Dumb blonde valley cheerleader Girl walks into a room lit with disco
lights.

The phone rings.

Girl gasps and cautiously picks up: "H-H-hello...??"

Whispering Voice: "Is your refridgerator running...?"

Girl: "Y-yes..."

Whispering Voice: "...Then go catch it! Bwahaha!"

Girl: "AAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

Girl starts running and tripping over furniture. (Sound familiar?)

A man steps out of the room with an old bedsheet over his head and two
eyeholes cut with cheap scissors: "Boo!"

Girl: "AAAAAHHHH!!!" ::turns and runs into a wall::

The man walks over to her and holds up a stick with a string attached
to it. At the end of the string, he tied an edible creepy crawlers
bug.

Girl: "AHHH! AHHH! AAAHH!! AIIIEEE!!!" ::scrambles back onto her feet
and runs into the same wall again, getting knocked unconscious::

The door opens and in steps her dumb blonde, surferdude boyfriend,
wearing a tie-dye t-shirt with sandals.

Surfer: "Like Wwweeerrd! Dude! Hey Jill, like are yaH in here?"

Boyfriend looks around: "Like woooah! Dude! Creepy Crawlers! NARLY!"

Boyfriend leaps for the bowl of creepy crawlers and begins stuffing
his mouth with them: "AWESOME!"



Asuka: "That was... SO INCREDIBLY STUPID!!! ...Hikari? Hey, Hikari?"

Asuka looks behind the couch to see Hikari's corpse sprawled
out. Her skin completely white except for the black dots on her face
and her eyes are stretched out widely. A puddle next to her.

Asuka: "Ewww! You dirtied my floor!"



Father on the TV walks into his little daughter's EXTREMELY girly
room with dolls and pink sheets everywhere.

His daughter is an extremely ugly, round girl with plump cheeks that
overlap her mouth making her lips stick out. She's wearing a pink
dress with a flowery apron. She has brown hair tied into two ponytails,
one sticking out from each end of her head and her brown bangs reach
her eyes.

Father: ::takes a seat on the pink, fluffy bed:: "Honey, what have you
been upto lately?"

Girl: "Oh nothing much. Just sniffing crack, pot, cocaine, every kind
of drug you can think of. Robbing banks, murdering millions of people.
Fucking with every guy/girl/animal/object I've seen."

Father: "Thank you sweetie. That's all I wanted to know."

Girl: "Fuck you!"

Narrator: "Talk to your kids. Be aware of what they're upto."

Girl's head appears in the corner of the screen and she's straining
her face: "Fuck you!"

TV narrator: "And now we return to our original program. News 24/7!"

News guy: "Iowans, Sara Anderson and Jessica Finer have vowed to file
a twenty hundred billion lawsuit against the public school.

It seems that on halloween, the security guard refused to let the
two into the building because he thought they were wearing extremely
frightening halloween masks... which was really their actual faces.

Jessica and Sara described the event as being 'deprived from their
edjumacation' which is why they are sueing the school for twenty
billion dollars. Unfortunately, they are both too stupid and too poor
to know how."

News girl: ::crawls out from underneath the desk all hot and sweaty::

News guy: "Good job. Good job." ::pats her on the head::

News girl: ::straightens herself up and pulls out some papers::
"Yesterday, Lara Croft, the famous, big breasted tombraider has once
again been declared the sluttiest creature of the year for the 7438th
year in a row.

Many of us should be well aware by now that she be fucking so much
her blood type is cum."

News guy: "Yep... she was pretty good."

News girl: "Yea, I think we've all had her already. What about you
camera crew, you had her too right?"

Camera crew: "Of course!"

News guy: "So anyway. Today it seems that Fox 5 was supposed to show
the world premiere of the brand new Sailor Moon dolls commercial.

However, it seems that the premiere has been canceled due to the fact
that the producer accidently overtaped it while watching Teletubbies
porno. So instead, we'll show you the Teletubbies porno!"



Asuka: "WHAT!!!? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!! I'm marching straight to that
studio right now and sueing!"

Hikari: ::sits up:: "Teletubbies porno!? WHERE!?"

Elsewhere...


Setting: Komi's house

Komi (from Sakura Diaries): "Oh big sister Mei lin! Tell me a bedtime
story!"

Mei lin (from CardCaptor Sakura): "Sure thing!" ::takes out book::

"Curious George goes to the gay club.

One day the man with the yellow hat whose name George is obviously
too stupid to learn wanted to take George to the gay club.

So they got into their little cheap, blue car and drove away.

'Yo! Man with yellow hat! Over here!' cried a big man at the club.

'I'll be right back George. Talk to whoever you want but... don't get
into trouble!'

George watched as he saw the man with the yellow hat playing with
twelve other big men. Could he do that? George was curious...

So George got gang banged by the men and everyone was happy. The man
who was now wearing nothing but the yellow hat patted George on the
back,"I was jealous at you at first but... you sure made up for it
with that good head!"

After that, George was never curious again. The End."

Komi: "zzZzzZz" ::asleep and having wet dreams of Mashu::

The phone rings and Mei lin picks up: "Hello?"

Misato: ::breathing heavily and panicking:: "Please Mei lin you've got
to help me!"

Mei lin: "Misato? What's the matter, man?"

Misato: "She's trying to kill me!"

Mei lin: "Who?"

Misato: "Lara! She's gone insane! And we're trapped in an elevator
together!"

Mei lin: "Mmm..." ::licks lips and starts fantasizing::

Other side of the line:

Lara is approaching Misato with a chainsaw.

Misato: "AHH!" ::runs into the other corner::

Lara: "Hmm?" ::looks around dumbfoundedly:: "Where'd she go?"

Misato: "Please! You have to save me! Mei lin? Mei lin!?"

Mei lin: ::too busy drooling to hear::

Misato: "MEI LIN! MEI LIN! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"


Setting: Asuka's block

Asuka: ::bumps into Celine:: "Hey! Watch it!"

Celine: "Asuka darling! Did you see the news!?"

Asuka: "Yea! How dare they cancel our commercial!"

Celine: "I'm not talking about that! I'm talking about the Teletubbies
porno! That was some great stuff!"

Brahne appears down the street with a paper bag over her head and
a huge smiley face drawn on it.

Celine: "Ah!! It's Brahne!!"

Asuka: "Oh thank goodness you decided to cover your ugly face!"

Brahne: "Mwahaha... I am not Brahne... I-VOICESVOICESVOICESVOICES-
am really-VOICESVOICESVOICESVOICESVOICESVOICESVOICESVOICES- No! But
seriously-VOICESVOICESVOICESVOICES- I am... J-VOICESVOICESVOICESVOICES
AH-HEM! I am... JOKER BRAHNE!!!! MWAHAHA-VOICESVOICESVOICESVOICES
VOICESVOICESVOICESVOICESVOICESVOICESVOICESVOICES!!!!!!!!!"

Brahne rips off paperbag to reveal she has no face but just her big
ugly mouth.

Asuka: "Oh thank the lord her horrible face is gone!"

Celine: "But her mouth still remains! Let's run!"

Joker Brahne: "Oh no you-VOICESVOICESVOICESVOICES-don't! OLD MAID!"

Joker Brahne throws playing cards at Celine and Asuka.

Celine and Asuka: "..."

Joker Brahne: "Oh-VOICESVOICESVOICESVOICES- darn..."

Celine and Asuka run to the Fox 5 studio.

Celine: "Whew... I think we lost her!"

Asuka: ::grabs producer by the collar:: "What about our commercial!?"

Producer: "Now, now. You just want to be on Tv right?"

Asuka: "Yes!"

Producer: "So you can star as Tinky-Winky and Dipsy in our new
Teletubbies porno movie!"

Celine: "Hooray! I wanna be Tinky-Winky! So I can get a nice new
purse!"

Asuka: ::punches Celine:: "Moron! No way!"

Producer: "Ok, ok... then I can get your stupid club on a debate
show."

Asuka: "Really!?"

Producer: "Yes, tomorrow come with your stupid little group."


Day 27.
Setting: Set of the debate show

Host: "Welcome everybody to the 'I hate yo mutha!' debate show where
we do nothing but try to diss on each other! And our contestants
are... the Final Fantasy ten group versus the Fashion Club!"

Audience: "What the hell is the fashion club?"

Celine: "Hey, where's Kuja?"

Lara: "Still picking out thongs."

Celine: "Where's Misato?"

Lara: ::innocent face:: "I don't know."

Celine: "Where the HECK is Bra??"

Lara: ::confused look:: "Er... lemme check..." ::rummages through
shirt:: "Nope... not here! I really DON'T know!"

Bra: "I'm right here!!" ::waves arms:: "HEllloooo!?"

Wakka: "Now remember team ya. What's our goal? Ya?"

FFX people: "To try our best!"

Wakka: "Ya ya! Like ya! Look over here. Ya stupid fashion club!"

Asuka: "What did you say!?"

Wakka: "I said ya stupid, ya ASS-SUH-KA!"

Asuka: "Baka Wakka!! And what is up with Tee-dus and his hood that
looks like a used condom!?"

Celine: "Yea! That wobbly chocobo in the racing game has the
intelligence of Tidus himself!"

Tidus: "Groovy!"

Celine: "Here's FFX summed up!" ::unveils scroll::

Rikku: "Yunie's gunna die!! ;.;!!"
Tidus: "o_o............ -long time later- ............. O_O!!!!!"
Tidus goes mad and runs into a wall, knocking himself out.
Tidus: "@_@..... x_X."
Everyone: "-_-;;;;;;"
Meanwhile, as all this is happening Yuna gets married to Seymour butz
and makes tons of little kuja clones coz stupid Tidus didn't show up
on skates soon enough to save her.
Yuna: "^__^ Oh thank god I'm not gunna be stuck with that IDIOT Tidus
who tried to rape me in the spring coz I was too busy crying to defend
myself... but that isn't supposed to happen til AFTER this part! ^_^;."

Tidus: "Woaahh... Yunie's gunna die? Like, who's Yunie...? Woahh...
awesome summary dudette!"

Crowd: "Booo!"

Host: "It seems the spectators are booing! They are not amused! They
want some real violence and action! Will anyone in the audience like
to volunteer to spice things up a bit?"

Anko (from GTO): ::stands up:: "I WILL!"

Asuka: "ACK! It's that stupid bitch that's always trying to copy me!"

Anko: "You copied ME!!"

Celine: "Oh my goodness! It's like looking at twins!"

Anko and Asuka: "WE DO NOT LOOK ALIKE!"

Anko and Asuka dive into each other and start punching and kicking
each other insanely.

Celine: "Oh don't worry Asuka! I'll help you!" ::swings huge sledge
hammer at Anko's head::

Asuka: "OWW! You stupid bitch! It's ME!!"

Celine: "Oh I'm so sorry! I couldn't tell!"

Rei: ::naked:: ...

Anko: ::strips Asuka down to her undies and starts taking photos::

Asuka: "AAHH! Give me that film!!!"

Asuka and Anko continue pulling at each other's red hair.

Anko: "I got you-OW! I got you-OW! This-OW! TIME! OOOWWW!!!"

Asuka: ... ::stands there watching Anko yanking her own hair::
"Dumbass..."

Celine: "Don't worry Asuka! I'll help you!" ::swings sledgehammer
again::

Asuka: "AHHHH!! YOU DUMB BITCH!! WOULD YOU STOP HITTING ME!!!??"

Celine: "Oh I'm so sorry darling!"

Asuka: ::grabs sledgehammer and begans chasing Celine around with it::

Door suddenly slam open as everyone turns around.

Person: "Hold up!"

Asuka: "Oh my god..."

Celine: "It's..."

Bra: "Damn, that's gay."

Kuja stands in the doorway looking all cool like with the wind blowing
his sliver, curly hair. He has a new outfit consisting of black leather
high heel suede boots, a black leather bikini top, a black leather
dress that's slit down the middle and an EXTREMELY glittery, shiny
and bright golden new thong.

Asuka: "Oooo... So shiny!"

Celine: "Ack! I'm going blind!"

Kuja: "How dare you all go on TV without telling me... how could you!?"

Kuja takes out a pink silk handkerchief and blows his nose with it
sniffling.

Audience: "Awww..."

Kuja: ::sniffling:: "It's just... TOO CRUEL!"

Oprah Winfrey steps out from the audience and takes Kuja's hand: "There
there... I know how you feel. Now... can you tell me how has life been
for you with them?" ::holds microphone over Kuja's mouth::

Kuja: "Horrible! They treated me like I was... different!"

Audience: "Aww..."

Asuka: "Oh shut up... He is different! He's a guy for godsake!"

Kuja: "SEE! See the horrible names and labels I get!"

Oprah: "Yes... yes I understand... Now let's get a really dramatic
face onto the camera so I can get even higher ratings and get even
more money since I'm a greedy little bitch that pretends to
understand."

Kuja: ::makes sad puppy dog face infront of the camera::

Audience: "Aww..."

Oprah: "Fabulous! And may I add that you never looked gayer."

Kuja: "Why, thank you!"

Happousai zooms through the room stealing everyone's lingerie.

Kuja: "AAAHHH!! Not my brand new thong!! Someone stop him!!!"

The Bebop gang steps out from the Audience and chases after him.

Spike: "Hurry! There's a two dollar bounty on that guy! So I can
finally use the money to get a haircut!"

Jecht: "I'm glad I never have that problem..."

Faye: "And I could sure use a bra!" ::whispers to self:: "I also
wouldn't mind having that golden thong he just stole from Kuja... AH
SHIT! I'm getting another wedgy!"

Spike: "Hey, where's Ed?"

They run back to their seats to find Ed all shriveled up and sprawled
onto floor.

Ed: "Can't... move... starving... need food..."

Faye: "Come to think of it... we haven't had any food in months since
we're so poor!"

Ject: "Yea and Ed should be especially starving since she's so damn
hyper."

Bebop gang: "..." ::they all fall to the floor from hunger::

Spike: "I never got a haircut..."

Faye: "I never got a bra..."

Jecht: "I never got some pussy from Faye..."

Faye: ::leans over and slaps Jecht::

Ein: ::runs over to them and howls at the moon in despair:: "Owoooo!"

Jecht: "Ein... promise me... one thing... before I die..."

Ein: ::nodds::

Jecht: "Please... take care... of my beloved bonsai trees..." ::dies::

Ein: ::takes a piss on him::

Julius (from Cowboy bebop): "Ah my gawd! Kuja!? Is that really you!?"

Kuja: "Julius... from Crossdressers High school!?"

Julius: "It's sooo good to see you!"

Kuja: "How's work been lately?"

Julius: "Oh... ever since I picked up AIDS from Vicious, I haven't had
anymore customers..."

Kuja: "Oh what a pity..."

Lara: "Urge... to kill... rising..."

Bra: "Hey... Lara? You ok?"

Lara: "ROOOAARRR!!!" ::eyes turn completely red and she grows a huge
pair of claws and fangs, two machine guns pop out of her shirt as
she begins firing everywhere::

Crowd: "AAHHH!!!"

Everyone begins scurrying out of the building in panic.

The fashion club members meet up at the exit.

Kuja: "What's going on!? What happened to Lara!?"

Celine: "I don't care! But I'm out! I quit this stupid excuse for
a club!"

Kuja: "Yea! Me too!"

Asuka: "Wait you guys! How can we possibly have a club with only me
and Rei in it!?" ::looks around:: "Where's Rei?"

Celine: "It seems she has run away as well and I suggest you do the
same if you want to live!"

Kuja and Celine run off.

Asuka: "Wait you guys! How could you!?"

Bra: ::waves hand:: "I'm still here!"

Asuka: ::sigh:: "I guess I'm on my own..."

Asuka turns towards the setting sun: "They've taken everything away
from me... but I won't give up... they won't stop my last escape!"

Bra: "Heellloooo?"

Oh no! The fashion club has split up and the entire world is in panic
due to the mad-ness of Lara! Will her evil reign ever stop!?

Celine: ::running across the street waving her arms in the air::
"Aaaiiieee!"

Celine gets run over by an ambulance.

Girl in the ambulance: "Hurry up! My implants just popped! This is
like a big emergency!"


To Be Continued.