I'm really happy I wrote this story. I think it came out very well. It was one of those things that you get inspired, and then everything just comes out in one or two sittings at the computer. This story has no relation to any other I have written, and it actually could have taken place at any time during Malfoy's school years.
I personally am NOT a cutter (I was for a very short amount of time, but that's far behind me now). However, I do have quite a few friends who have had to work through self-mutilation problems and so I feel I would be able to present Malfoy as a cutter without making it sound stupid or making him a two-dimensional character, as I think most fiction concerning self-mutilation does.
This was my first song fic, and I hope the lyrics added to the story instead of being distractive. I don't think you need to know the songs per say to understand their lyrics fully, but, after all, I'm the one who wrote this. I don't know which came first, the idea to use the three particular songs, or the general idea of "Scarred".
I think the whole story might have developed when I was listening to my new CD, since the songs are all on the same album: "Welcome" by Taproot. It is an extremely well done collection of songs, and Stephen Richards is a cutie. ^_^
The songs are identified with a number in the story, and their full lyrics appear below. You'll probably notice that song 2 could have been used and applied to the story much more, but I felt that it would have been overkill, and you also get a much more flexible plot with the combination of the three songs.
~x~(1)~x~
"Poem"
Overbearing panic attack entrenched in my veins
In an hour I'll be okay
I pray this thing will go away permanently someday
I've seen more than
I should have to
I've seen this on my own
This song is a poem to myself
It helps me to live
In case of fire, break the glass
And move on into your own
Reoccurring drowning effect entrenching my brain
I hope you'll be okay someday
So I can say that you moved on in the right way
We've seen this and
We've breathed this and
We've lived this on our own
This song is a poem to myself
It helps me to live
In case of fire, break the glass
And move on into your own
~x~(2)~x~
"Art"
Occasionally I feel like the walls around are closing in on me
Physically I feel sometimes I need seclusion to be free
The irony at last I see reality is my perception
And my personality is my reflection
I must eliminate and change yesterday's
Yesterday's pains today
I must eliminate and change yesterday's
Yesterday's pains today
I need to be set free from the smiles that are scarring my skin sarcastically
And cause it seems to comfort and freeze in full around me mentally
The irony at last I see reality is my deception
And my personality is my deflection
I must eliminate and change yesterday's
Yesterday's pains today
I must eliminate and change yesterday's
Yesterday's pains today
Can I make it?
I'll try
Can I take it?
I'll try
I finally feel my wounds are healing, releasing and pouring out of me
The pressure's success becoming apparently a bigger part of me
I'm looking back at the things that I can't remove
My past's ok with me
The future's brighter than I could imagine it to be
I must eliminate and change yesterday's
Yesterday's pains today
I must eliminate and change yesterday's
Yesterday's pains today
~x~(3)~x~
"Breathe"
Jealousy is raining down on me right now
As the fear of losing you is setting in
But I continue to do my best
Although it's scary
Wondering if this will be the very first time to lose
And not to win
And I've got no backup plan
But I'm not a quitter
I'm not a quitter
I try to scream but I can't breathe
Can anybody hear me?
I try to dream but I can't sleep
Can anyone shield me?
I close my eyes and hold my cries to myself
My pride's on the shelf
But I won't quit
Never quit
Confidence is coming back to me right now
As the strength to earning you is coming to
Cause I've continued to do my best
Although it was scary wondering if this would be my very first time to win
And not to lose
Cause I've got no back up plan
But I'm not a quitter
I'm not a quitter
I try to scream but I can't breathe
Can anybody hear me?
I try to dream but I can't sleep
Can anyone shield me?
I close my eyes and hold my cries to myself
My pride's on the shelf
But I won't quit
Never quit
Confidence is coming back to me
As the fear of losing you is setting in
But I'll continue to do my best
Although it's scary
Wondering if this could be my very first time to win
And not to lose
~x~x~x~
Well, I hope you liked "Scarred". It's a lot different to write so personally, and I'm glad that you've read my work. Please review me and tell me what you thought.