Disclaimer: I want to own them, I would take very good care of them if I
*did* own them, but I don't own them. The Goddess formerly known as J.K
Rowling does. All hail the Goddess! {Yip Yip}
A/N OK, well this all stemmed from a dream I had. And I think we all know now how dangerous my dreams can be! I had NO intention of updating this so soon. But since I got such lovely reviews so quick, I had to! Again, I can only hope you all find it even a little funny hehehe. Enjoy it (yay) or hate it (aww) Once again this is done in 'play' format. Okey Dokey? This is for Tikal (Who Reviewed first) and wanted to see Draco. A reminder from the last "episode" Draco loves Harry. And Harry is a boy. Do you all see where this is going? If that kind of thing bothers you, I'd say skip this episode and wait for episode three. But, if you're in this for the humor, then good on ya! Let's go!
Warning! These fics contains a lot of innuendoes so please be on the look out! They can sneak up on you. If you've never seen the Dating Game, well that's all that show was about! They actually asked 'how would you eat me, if I were a Popsicle' once. That should be warning enough I think! There's one bad word in this gasp I warn you now!
The Dating Game! Hogwarts Style By: Gum Acacia
Host: Hello! And welcome to another exciting edition of 'The Dating Game!' I'm your host Lee Jordan! Today we have a very interesting contestant for you all...hold onto your seats everyone!
[Once again horribly cheesy music starts to fill the air. Our host can be seen shoving bits of cotton in his ears. The lights flash the stage turns, and half our audience begins to drool]
Host: All the way from Canterbury, it's the boy we all love to hate and long to see prance about in tights, Draco Malfoy!
Audience: YAAAAAAAAY!
Host: Draco currently has no job, but as he's heir to the Malfoy Billions, the rich little sod doesn't need one! You may remember him from torturing you in Potions. You may remember him as the guy who blew up your favorite broom! For some of you he may even be the guy who stole all your chocolate frogs on the train to Hogwarts, but to me he'll always be the silly little runt who always lost at Quidditch-
Draco: I did *not* always lose at Quidditch! I won the cup my very last year!
Host: Of course you did, the year Harry was off vanquishing another foe, and Gryffindor was stuck with Neville Longbottom as the reserve seeker! I still say that cup doesn't count!
Draco: It does!
Host: It doesn't you ruddy little imp and if you weren't such a -
Announcer: Uhh, Lee, we need to get on with the show.
Host: Oh, right. Yes well, then let's move on shall we? Who shall it be Draco, Witches or Wizards? Not that we all don't know the answer to that question. You're the only boy in school who ever wore lace gloves to bed!
Draco: They were not made of lace, and they were for medical purposes!
Host: If that's what you'd like us to believe.
Draco: Oh shut up, I'll take Wizards.
Host: Well, someone call The Daily Prophet, I don't think anyone saw *that* one coming!
Audience: WHOOOOO HOOOO! Jordan! Jordan! Jordan!
Host: All right Draco, let's bring them out. First off, let's give a warm welcome to the man better known as 'The Lusty Leprechaun', Seamus Finnigan! Seamus, why don't you say hello to Draco?
Seamus: Hello there, Drrrrraco!
Host: And next, all the way from Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, let's give it up for the man who still holds the record for most consecutive days without washing his hair, Severus Snape!
Audience: Booooooooooooooooooo!
Host: Professor, why don't you say hello to Draco?
Severus: Mr. Malfoy.
Host: Well, yes, that's a 'hello' to get anyone's engine revved up. And last but not least, let's bring out the man who held the title for 'Hogwarts Walking Fantasy' for seven years in a row, Mr. Harry Potter!
[Draco falls off his stool, and our host is overcome with fits of laughter]
Host: Ha! You silly ponce, he's still on his trip!
Draco: That was not funny!
Host: That all depends on how you define funny. I define it as seeing you fall off your stool and land on your head!
Announcer: Lee, please get on with it!
Host: Oh all right! Our last poor sod comes all the way from Bristol. Let's give a warm welcome to young Mr. Colin Creevey! Colin, I understand you've become chief photographer for the Daily Prophet, that must be exciting! Why don't you say hello to Draco?
Colin: All right there, Draco?
[There is a bright flash and Colin can be seen loading his now infamous camera, ready to take more pictures.]
Draco: These are my choices? But they don't even *look* like Har- er, I mean the kind of man I'd fancy.
Host: Yes, well then I'd suggest a quick Transfiguration spell later on. Now, let's move on to the question round of our game! As we're all familiar with, our contestants' order will be mixed up, and their voices disguised, please put up the divider! Draco do you have you pre-selected questions ready?
Draco: Yes, I'm ready. Wizard number one, would you ever consider cutting your hair and dyeing it black? Also, how do you feel about glasses?
Host: That's not the question we gave you to ask! Please stick to your assigned questions!
Draco: Oh all right! Everyone knows that Potions was by far my best subject. If I were a love potion, just how would you brew me?
[The voice of a Pixie comes out of our Colin Creevey, who is now Wizard One.]
Colin: Uhh, well. I never was any good at potions. So, I'd just poor you into the cauldron and hope you didn't come out anything, unnatural!
[The audience bursts into laughter, and Professor Snape looks as though he's about to strangle Colin for that less than perfect answer.]
Draco: Wizard number two, what about you?
Seamus: Well, first off...
[The voice of Ludo Bagman hides our Irishman's accent]
Seamus: I'd make sure I'd spend enough time getting your ingredients just right. And then, I'd slowly bring you to a nice simmer. Of course, by now I'd have to get out my nice long spoon to stir you with, in a counterclockwise manner. Then I'd really turn up the heat-
Host: Well, yes I don't think anyone doubts where *that* was going, but let's remember this is a 'family' hour show. Let's try to keep things a little less...visual shall we? Wizard three, what's your answer?
[Snape looks utterly disgusted with both previous answers, and is equally dismayed to find the voice of Sirius Black coming out of his mouth]
Severus: Well, I too have a certain soft spot for potion making. First off, I would dry the heart of a wild Jarvey, which is the key ingredient in a Love Potion. Then I would use the skin of a Moke to hold the juice of a Horklump, which I would then place inside the heart. Then I would let you sit outside for the full cycle of a moon. Only then would I begin adding the rest of the ingredients. All of which must be thoroughly cleansed. After a week of boiling not over fire, but fire seeds, you would be ready. I would also like to inform you that Wizard one would have caused you to explode immediately and Wizard two was on the verge of turning you into a Wood Nymph!
Host: Well, yes I think that was the most clinical answer we've ever had. Thank you for managing to take all the fun out of that question! Draco, are you ready for Question number two?
Draco: Yes, how do each of you feel about scars, preferably on your foreheads. I know a quick spell that wouldn't even hurt-
Host: Will you knock it off you stupid git, and stick to the questions we gave you!
Draco: Fine, if you don't want me to make a choice based on the things I actually care about!
Audience: Booooooooooooooooo!
Draco: Wizard's one, two and three, if you could be any kind of magical animal, what would it be and why?
Colin: I'd say a Hippogriff! I think they're marvelous creatures, and I'd really like to be able to fly!
[Draco looks less then thrilled with this answer, obviously recalling his 'close brush with death' back when he was thirteen.]
Seamus: Well, I'd have to say I'd be a Centaur. They have the most delectable abs and arms to die for, and I wouldn't mind the benefits of having an extra large-
Host: Don't even think about finishing that sentence!
Seamus: What? I was going to say capacity for Astrology!
Audience: Whoooo Hooooo!
Host: That's it! I'm putting in for a Job commentating for the 'Balleycastle Bats' tomorrow! Wizard three, dare I ask?
Severus: I have always been partial to dragons...
Audience: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!
Severus: So I would choose the Peruvian Vipertooth.
Host: Once again Wizard three takes all the fun out of answering! Well let's move on to our last- wait a minute! Draco what are you doing? Get away from there!
[Draco, unnoticed by all, has moved off his stool and is trying to peak around the divider. He is quickly pulled back by security and magically bound to his stool.]
Host: Try that again, and we'll use handcuffs!
Seamus: Oh! I have some on me if you need any.
Audience: Whoooo Hoooo!
Host: Thank you Wizard number two, but uhh, I think we've got things under control now. All right Draco, ask your last question and then you can make your choice.
Draco: In your best impression of, oh let's say...I don't know...let me think...Harry Potter, describe to me how our first date might go.
Host: I'd say nowhere at all without a little help from imperius!
Audience: Jordan! Jordan! Jordan!
Host: But let's sit back and see what our Wizard's have to say.
Colin: Uhh, being Harry Potter, I'd uhh, take you to a game of Quidditch when my favorite team, the Chuddley Cannons, was playing. And then, uhh, maybe we'd go off to Hogsmeade for a butter beer.
[There are bright flashes everywhere and we see that the young photographer has bewitched his camera to take pictures of Draco by itself]
Host: Well that does indeed sound like something our Harry would do. Wizard number two, I'm more then afraid to ask. What about you?
[Incredibly vampy music starts like that of a seventy's strip club]
Seamus: Well, being Harry Potter, the first thing I would do, would be defeat whichever Dark Wizard was trying to take over the world! And then, I'd take you to my favorite nude beach-
Host: Watch it Wizard two!
Seamus: Oh all right, we'd skip the beach. We'd go dancing, where I would undoubtedly have to defeat a villainous demon that would inevitably try to curse us all. Then, we would go back to my place where I'd show you my-
Host: That's it! Someone perform a silencing spell on him!
Seamus: Would you get your mind out of the gutter! I was going to say my chocolate frog card collection! Then I would take you home, stopping along the way to defeat a few more villains, of course. Then a quick kiss, or ten, goodnight.
Draco: Yes, I can almost see Har- er, *you* now................Oh my...Umm, Wizard three?
Severus: Well, first off, I'd make you follow me around like a sniveling idiot! Just like all my other ridiculous obsessed fans do. Then I'd take you out, and of course I'd have to save your life so everyone would say what a great guy I am! Then, I'd nearly die and by some act of God I'd survive, but noooo, everyone would say it's because I'm such a terrific Wizard! No one would admit that I'm a stupid little boy who does nothing but continue to be a NUISANCE TO EVERYONE I MEET!
Host: Uhh, Wizard three, do you need a glass of water or some-
Severus: Then we'd parade around so anyone with a camera can take a picture and that stupid pathetic rag for a newspaper better known as 'The Daily Prophet' can announce that I've successfully wiped my own arse! Bully for me! Then I'd go back to school so Dumbledore could fawn all over me again, and I'd ignore my potions master and take all the credit that rightfully belongs to him for defeating Voldemort! I mean he was the one who worked as a spy for the ministry. HE was the one that came up with a protective charm for my worthless little-
Host: Well, that does indeed sound like an interesting date. Thanks again Wizard three for bringing a whole new side to this show. Draco, dare I even ask who you're going to pick?
Draco: Well, I'd just like to say that I have every intention of suing your worthless game show for giving me practically *nothing* to choose from! I am a Malfoy! I hardly think any of these three are worthy of me!
[Just then the barricade comes crashing down Severus and Seamus each set off to beating Draco within an inch of his life! Colin is far to busy taking pictures to join in on the fun.]
Colin: That's perfect Professor, hold still. Go ahead, and really bite into his leg. Oh! That's gotta smart! Seamus, could you move your hand a bit, and try not to look like you're enjoying this so much, oh do that again! I missed that one! Come on, really get into it! Wow! I didn't know someone could bend like that!
[Security swarms the stage finally pulling both Seamus and Severus off of a thoroughly beaten Draco]
Host: Well, I must say that was a dream come true for me. And I'd like someone to send me a copy of today's show to my flat immediately! Since Draco doesn't seem to want to decide, why don't we let the audience choose for him?
[An overwhelming amount of number two's can be heard, chanting throughout the air.]
Host: Well, it seems like we have a winner! Draco, get ready to meet your dream wizard, it's none other than-
[There is a loud explosion behind the divider. Colin and Seamus are both covered in ash and lying unconscious on the floor. Professor Snape is sitting perfectly still, a smug smile painted in his face.]
Host: Well, it seems do to the ILLEGAL use of a pop-off potion, today's winner is every sadist's favorite teacher, Professor Severus Snape!
[The audience goes crazy, and Draco tries to break the bindings that still leave him anchored to the chair]
Host: I hope you're up for some of that Malfoy loving Professor, because you and Draco have just won a week in the honeymoon sweet at "Prowlers Inn" in Italy! Swimming and five star dinners are what this little resort is famous for. How does that sound to you, Draco?
Draco: I'm not going anywhere until he washes his hair!
Severus: I'm sorry Draco, but one more year and I make it into the Wizards book of World Records!
Draco: Oh, come on! This isn't fair!
[Snape, who is busy reciting to him, one hundred and one reasons why you shouldn't want to shag Harry Potter, drags Draco off stage]
Host: Well, that was an interesting episode and I think someone on the set must have been having an extreme sugar high when they came up with this idea! Free memory charms for all! Join us next time, when we take on one of the Weasleys! And remember, on 'The Dating Game' the victims aren't always the contestants, they're usually the viewers...not to mention the host!
Announcer: All contestants receive a years supply of Ogden's Fire Whiskey and Weasley Whackers! Need to whack an enemy? Then come to the Weasley's where every hundredth whack is free! All contestants must agree to the Official rules and be free of any curses at time of taping including Imperius and any other choice inhibiting potions or spells. Copyright 2002, Prey-Dupe Enterprises.
~~~~~ A/N
Ok, that was just me being an idiot again lol! Thank you soooo much to everyone who reviewed! You guys inspired me to write more, so if you hated this one it's your fault. (lol) I already have wicked ideas for my next victim.
Remember, if you have anyone you'd like to see in the Victim's chair, or if you have anyone you'd like to see compete for a date, just hit that little review button!
Jaz, BEYOND thank you for adding me to your favorites list...Though I don't deserve it, I so appreciate it very much!
Spilled Ink, Sorry you thought the first chapter was a little profane, I tried to keep it as JUST an innuendo though. So, try to take it literally if it's a bit nasty for you lol. I LOVE your idea for Dobby, and he will be showing up VERY soon!
A/N OK, well this all stemmed from a dream I had. And I think we all know now how dangerous my dreams can be! I had NO intention of updating this so soon. But since I got such lovely reviews so quick, I had to! Again, I can only hope you all find it even a little funny hehehe. Enjoy it (yay) or hate it (aww) Once again this is done in 'play' format. Okey Dokey? This is for Tikal (Who Reviewed first) and wanted to see Draco. A reminder from the last "episode" Draco loves Harry. And Harry is a boy. Do you all see where this is going? If that kind of thing bothers you, I'd say skip this episode and wait for episode three. But, if you're in this for the humor, then good on ya! Let's go!
Warning! These fics contains a lot of innuendoes so please be on the look out! They can sneak up on you. If you've never seen the Dating Game, well that's all that show was about! They actually asked 'how would you eat me, if I were a Popsicle' once. That should be warning enough I think! There's one bad word in this gasp I warn you now!
The Dating Game! Hogwarts Style By: Gum Acacia
Host: Hello! And welcome to another exciting edition of 'The Dating Game!' I'm your host Lee Jordan! Today we have a very interesting contestant for you all...hold onto your seats everyone!
[Once again horribly cheesy music starts to fill the air. Our host can be seen shoving bits of cotton in his ears. The lights flash the stage turns, and half our audience begins to drool]
Host: All the way from Canterbury, it's the boy we all love to hate and long to see prance about in tights, Draco Malfoy!
Audience: YAAAAAAAAY!
Host: Draco currently has no job, but as he's heir to the Malfoy Billions, the rich little sod doesn't need one! You may remember him from torturing you in Potions. You may remember him as the guy who blew up your favorite broom! For some of you he may even be the guy who stole all your chocolate frogs on the train to Hogwarts, but to me he'll always be the silly little runt who always lost at Quidditch-
Draco: I did *not* always lose at Quidditch! I won the cup my very last year!
Host: Of course you did, the year Harry was off vanquishing another foe, and Gryffindor was stuck with Neville Longbottom as the reserve seeker! I still say that cup doesn't count!
Draco: It does!
Host: It doesn't you ruddy little imp and if you weren't such a -
Announcer: Uhh, Lee, we need to get on with the show.
Host: Oh, right. Yes well, then let's move on shall we? Who shall it be Draco, Witches or Wizards? Not that we all don't know the answer to that question. You're the only boy in school who ever wore lace gloves to bed!
Draco: They were not made of lace, and they were for medical purposes!
Host: If that's what you'd like us to believe.
Draco: Oh shut up, I'll take Wizards.
Host: Well, someone call The Daily Prophet, I don't think anyone saw *that* one coming!
Audience: WHOOOOO HOOOO! Jordan! Jordan! Jordan!
Host: All right Draco, let's bring them out. First off, let's give a warm welcome to the man better known as 'The Lusty Leprechaun', Seamus Finnigan! Seamus, why don't you say hello to Draco?
Seamus: Hello there, Drrrrraco!
Host: And next, all the way from Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, let's give it up for the man who still holds the record for most consecutive days without washing his hair, Severus Snape!
Audience: Booooooooooooooooooo!
Host: Professor, why don't you say hello to Draco?
Severus: Mr. Malfoy.
Host: Well, yes, that's a 'hello' to get anyone's engine revved up. And last but not least, let's bring out the man who held the title for 'Hogwarts Walking Fantasy' for seven years in a row, Mr. Harry Potter!
[Draco falls off his stool, and our host is overcome with fits of laughter]
Host: Ha! You silly ponce, he's still on his trip!
Draco: That was not funny!
Host: That all depends on how you define funny. I define it as seeing you fall off your stool and land on your head!
Announcer: Lee, please get on with it!
Host: Oh all right! Our last poor sod comes all the way from Bristol. Let's give a warm welcome to young Mr. Colin Creevey! Colin, I understand you've become chief photographer for the Daily Prophet, that must be exciting! Why don't you say hello to Draco?
Colin: All right there, Draco?
[There is a bright flash and Colin can be seen loading his now infamous camera, ready to take more pictures.]
Draco: These are my choices? But they don't even *look* like Har- er, I mean the kind of man I'd fancy.
Host: Yes, well then I'd suggest a quick Transfiguration spell later on. Now, let's move on to the question round of our game! As we're all familiar with, our contestants' order will be mixed up, and their voices disguised, please put up the divider! Draco do you have you pre-selected questions ready?
Draco: Yes, I'm ready. Wizard number one, would you ever consider cutting your hair and dyeing it black? Also, how do you feel about glasses?
Host: That's not the question we gave you to ask! Please stick to your assigned questions!
Draco: Oh all right! Everyone knows that Potions was by far my best subject. If I were a love potion, just how would you brew me?
[The voice of a Pixie comes out of our Colin Creevey, who is now Wizard One.]
Colin: Uhh, well. I never was any good at potions. So, I'd just poor you into the cauldron and hope you didn't come out anything, unnatural!
[The audience bursts into laughter, and Professor Snape looks as though he's about to strangle Colin for that less than perfect answer.]
Draco: Wizard number two, what about you?
Seamus: Well, first off...
[The voice of Ludo Bagman hides our Irishman's accent]
Seamus: I'd make sure I'd spend enough time getting your ingredients just right. And then, I'd slowly bring you to a nice simmer. Of course, by now I'd have to get out my nice long spoon to stir you with, in a counterclockwise manner. Then I'd really turn up the heat-
Host: Well, yes I don't think anyone doubts where *that* was going, but let's remember this is a 'family' hour show. Let's try to keep things a little less...visual shall we? Wizard three, what's your answer?
[Snape looks utterly disgusted with both previous answers, and is equally dismayed to find the voice of Sirius Black coming out of his mouth]
Severus: Well, I too have a certain soft spot for potion making. First off, I would dry the heart of a wild Jarvey, which is the key ingredient in a Love Potion. Then I would use the skin of a Moke to hold the juice of a Horklump, which I would then place inside the heart. Then I would let you sit outside for the full cycle of a moon. Only then would I begin adding the rest of the ingredients. All of which must be thoroughly cleansed. After a week of boiling not over fire, but fire seeds, you would be ready. I would also like to inform you that Wizard one would have caused you to explode immediately and Wizard two was on the verge of turning you into a Wood Nymph!
Host: Well, yes I think that was the most clinical answer we've ever had. Thank you for managing to take all the fun out of that question! Draco, are you ready for Question number two?
Draco: Yes, how do each of you feel about scars, preferably on your foreheads. I know a quick spell that wouldn't even hurt-
Host: Will you knock it off you stupid git, and stick to the questions we gave you!
Draco: Fine, if you don't want me to make a choice based on the things I actually care about!
Audience: Booooooooooooooooo!
Draco: Wizard's one, two and three, if you could be any kind of magical animal, what would it be and why?
Colin: I'd say a Hippogriff! I think they're marvelous creatures, and I'd really like to be able to fly!
[Draco looks less then thrilled with this answer, obviously recalling his 'close brush with death' back when he was thirteen.]
Seamus: Well, I'd have to say I'd be a Centaur. They have the most delectable abs and arms to die for, and I wouldn't mind the benefits of having an extra large-
Host: Don't even think about finishing that sentence!
Seamus: What? I was going to say capacity for Astrology!
Audience: Whoooo Hooooo!
Host: That's it! I'm putting in for a Job commentating for the 'Balleycastle Bats' tomorrow! Wizard three, dare I ask?
Severus: I have always been partial to dragons...
Audience: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!
Severus: So I would choose the Peruvian Vipertooth.
Host: Once again Wizard three takes all the fun out of answering! Well let's move on to our last- wait a minute! Draco what are you doing? Get away from there!
[Draco, unnoticed by all, has moved off his stool and is trying to peak around the divider. He is quickly pulled back by security and magically bound to his stool.]
Host: Try that again, and we'll use handcuffs!
Seamus: Oh! I have some on me if you need any.
Audience: Whoooo Hoooo!
Host: Thank you Wizard number two, but uhh, I think we've got things under control now. All right Draco, ask your last question and then you can make your choice.
Draco: In your best impression of, oh let's say...I don't know...let me think...Harry Potter, describe to me how our first date might go.
Host: I'd say nowhere at all without a little help from imperius!
Audience: Jordan! Jordan! Jordan!
Host: But let's sit back and see what our Wizard's have to say.
Colin: Uhh, being Harry Potter, I'd uhh, take you to a game of Quidditch when my favorite team, the Chuddley Cannons, was playing. And then, uhh, maybe we'd go off to Hogsmeade for a butter beer.
[There are bright flashes everywhere and we see that the young photographer has bewitched his camera to take pictures of Draco by itself]
Host: Well that does indeed sound like something our Harry would do. Wizard number two, I'm more then afraid to ask. What about you?
[Incredibly vampy music starts like that of a seventy's strip club]
Seamus: Well, being Harry Potter, the first thing I would do, would be defeat whichever Dark Wizard was trying to take over the world! And then, I'd take you to my favorite nude beach-
Host: Watch it Wizard two!
Seamus: Oh all right, we'd skip the beach. We'd go dancing, where I would undoubtedly have to defeat a villainous demon that would inevitably try to curse us all. Then, we would go back to my place where I'd show you my-
Host: That's it! Someone perform a silencing spell on him!
Seamus: Would you get your mind out of the gutter! I was going to say my chocolate frog card collection! Then I would take you home, stopping along the way to defeat a few more villains, of course. Then a quick kiss, or ten, goodnight.
Draco: Yes, I can almost see Har- er, *you* now................Oh my...Umm, Wizard three?
Severus: Well, first off, I'd make you follow me around like a sniveling idiot! Just like all my other ridiculous obsessed fans do. Then I'd take you out, and of course I'd have to save your life so everyone would say what a great guy I am! Then, I'd nearly die and by some act of God I'd survive, but noooo, everyone would say it's because I'm such a terrific Wizard! No one would admit that I'm a stupid little boy who does nothing but continue to be a NUISANCE TO EVERYONE I MEET!
Host: Uhh, Wizard three, do you need a glass of water or some-
Severus: Then we'd parade around so anyone with a camera can take a picture and that stupid pathetic rag for a newspaper better known as 'The Daily Prophet' can announce that I've successfully wiped my own arse! Bully for me! Then I'd go back to school so Dumbledore could fawn all over me again, and I'd ignore my potions master and take all the credit that rightfully belongs to him for defeating Voldemort! I mean he was the one who worked as a spy for the ministry. HE was the one that came up with a protective charm for my worthless little-
Host: Well, that does indeed sound like an interesting date. Thanks again Wizard three for bringing a whole new side to this show. Draco, dare I even ask who you're going to pick?
Draco: Well, I'd just like to say that I have every intention of suing your worthless game show for giving me practically *nothing* to choose from! I am a Malfoy! I hardly think any of these three are worthy of me!
[Just then the barricade comes crashing down Severus and Seamus each set off to beating Draco within an inch of his life! Colin is far to busy taking pictures to join in on the fun.]
Colin: That's perfect Professor, hold still. Go ahead, and really bite into his leg. Oh! That's gotta smart! Seamus, could you move your hand a bit, and try not to look like you're enjoying this so much, oh do that again! I missed that one! Come on, really get into it! Wow! I didn't know someone could bend like that!
[Security swarms the stage finally pulling both Seamus and Severus off of a thoroughly beaten Draco]
Host: Well, I must say that was a dream come true for me. And I'd like someone to send me a copy of today's show to my flat immediately! Since Draco doesn't seem to want to decide, why don't we let the audience choose for him?
[An overwhelming amount of number two's can be heard, chanting throughout the air.]
Host: Well, it seems like we have a winner! Draco, get ready to meet your dream wizard, it's none other than-
[There is a loud explosion behind the divider. Colin and Seamus are both covered in ash and lying unconscious on the floor. Professor Snape is sitting perfectly still, a smug smile painted in his face.]
Host: Well, it seems do to the ILLEGAL use of a pop-off potion, today's winner is every sadist's favorite teacher, Professor Severus Snape!
[The audience goes crazy, and Draco tries to break the bindings that still leave him anchored to the chair]
Host: I hope you're up for some of that Malfoy loving Professor, because you and Draco have just won a week in the honeymoon sweet at "Prowlers Inn" in Italy! Swimming and five star dinners are what this little resort is famous for. How does that sound to you, Draco?
Draco: I'm not going anywhere until he washes his hair!
Severus: I'm sorry Draco, but one more year and I make it into the Wizards book of World Records!
Draco: Oh, come on! This isn't fair!
[Snape, who is busy reciting to him, one hundred and one reasons why you shouldn't want to shag Harry Potter, drags Draco off stage]
Host: Well, that was an interesting episode and I think someone on the set must have been having an extreme sugar high when they came up with this idea! Free memory charms for all! Join us next time, when we take on one of the Weasleys! And remember, on 'The Dating Game' the victims aren't always the contestants, they're usually the viewers...not to mention the host!
Announcer: All contestants receive a years supply of Ogden's Fire Whiskey and Weasley Whackers! Need to whack an enemy? Then come to the Weasley's where every hundredth whack is free! All contestants must agree to the Official rules and be free of any curses at time of taping including Imperius and any other choice inhibiting potions or spells. Copyright 2002, Prey-Dupe Enterprises.
~~~~~ A/N
Ok, that was just me being an idiot again lol! Thank you soooo much to everyone who reviewed! You guys inspired me to write more, so if you hated this one it's your fault. (lol) I already have wicked ideas for my next victim.
Remember, if you have anyone you'd like to see in the Victim's chair, or if you have anyone you'd like to see compete for a date, just hit that little review button!
Jaz, BEYOND thank you for adding me to your favorites list...Though I don't deserve it, I so appreciate it very much!
Spilled Ink, Sorry you thought the first chapter was a little profane, I tried to keep it as JUST an innuendo though. So, try to take it literally if it's a bit nasty for you lol. I LOVE your idea for Dobby, and he will be showing up VERY soon!