Disclaimer: I want to own them, do you know how I could own them? Will you
tell me how I can own them? Oh, the things I would do if I did own them!
[Horribly sinister music starts to fill the air] YES! THE THINGS I WOULD
DO MUAH MUAH MUAH! Oh! Uhh, sorry, I think I got carried away there...
The Goddess better known as J.K Rowling does. All hail the Goddess!!!
Warning! These fics may contain innuendoes so please be on the look out! They can sneak up on you.
(Oops! I thought I posted this like a month ago! Shame on me!)
The Dating Game! Hogwarts Style By: Gum Acacia
Host: Hello! And welcome to another frightening edition of 'The Dating Game!' I'm your host Lee 'There's No Way I Get Paid Enough For This Job' Jordan. Today we have a very special contestant for you all, someone who is like a brother to me. An older brother who *never* let's me break the rules, and who constantly spoils my fun! But, an older brother just the same!
[The horrid disgustingly cheesy music, we all have come to know and hate, starts to fill the air. Our host begins to bat his head repeatedly against his podium. The lights flash the stage turns, the audience begins to tap their feet to the hideously hypnotic tune.]
Host: All the way from Liverpool, it's the boy who got at least half of us into trouble while we were at school. Hogwarts' favorite snitch, Perciville Weasley!
[There's an equal number of boo's and hoorah's, Percy looks less then comfortable on his stool.]
Host: Percy currently works for The Ministry of Magic, and is head of the International Wizarding Relations Department! Percy's idea of a great night out is getting home in time to make sure his Ministry Owl has next morning's agenda before he goes to sleep! Seems like we have a wild one on our hands this time around ladies and gents, you better hold yourselves back!
Audience: Whooo Hooo!
Host: So, Percy. What brings you to our lovely show? Lonely heart? A taste for something new? The masochist in you screaming for some torture?
Percy: Blackmail.
Host: Well, I must say that's a new one for our show! Let me guess, Fred and George up to their old tricks again, eh mate?
Percy: Actually no, my mother is blackmailing me. She wants grandchildren, and she's like a tiger when she wants something. She'd claw me to pieces if she thought she could get them!
Host: Well, it seems there's a whole new side to Mrs. Weasley we didn't know about! I take it from your last significant relationship; you'll be choosing Witches?
Percy: Yes, if you don't mind.
Host: No, not at all. But...are you sure?
Percy: Of course I'm sure, I dated Penelope for five years didn't I?
Host: If you say so, it's just that, well, you always did have a bit of a 'poof' vibe about you.
Percy: Poof vibe? Are you implying I like men?
Host: Well, no. It's just that I remember seeing a couple of Gilderoy Lockhart pictures in your room, back in your sixth year. And, there was the whole Mr. Crouch thing I still -
Percy: He was a great man! Wonderful Ministry representative!
Host: - think you fancied him!
Percy: I did nothing of the sort! I fancy women!
Announcer: Lee! Can you move on please!
Host: Oh, all right! Witch's it is! Percy, hold on to your seat mate, because we have three fabulous witches for you to meet. For our first Witch, everyone give a warm welcome to Miss. Millicent Bulstrode! This sassy Slytherin is sure to be a wild card. She enjoys arm wrestling and beating up ex-Gryffindors. Well Milly, why don't you say hello to Percy?
Millicent: grunt
Host: Well, wasn't that lovely! Next we have the delectable raven from Ravenclaw. Miss. Cho Chang!
Audience: Whooo Hooo!
Host: Originally rumored to be the one-time sweetheart of Cedric Diggory, Harry Potter and Roger Davies, this spunky Witch certainly prefers her men in the spotlight! Cho likes to spend her free time shopping in Diagon Alley and cutting out pictures of herself and pasting them in her scrapbook. Care to give Percy a Hello?
Cho: Hi there, Percy!
Host: And last but not least, all the way from Hogsmeade, Madam Rosy Rosmerta! Madam Rosy enjoys playing hostess and is always good for a secret or two. Rosy, why don't you say hi to Percy, eh?
Rosy: Hi, Bill!
Percy: Uhh, I'm Percy not Bill.
Rosy: Shush! You're ruining my fantasy!
Host: Well, Percy it seems like you're in for a hard decision later! Are you ready to ask your questions?
Percy: Yes.
Host: Well then! Let's get the divider up and do some damage to these lovely ladies voices! Don't want to make things *too* easy for ya Percy!
[The divider is up. Unknown to Percy, the girls remain in there original positions. Once more the game show music from hell fills the air.]
Percy: Witch Number two, being school prefect for two consecutive years, moving on to position as Head Boy and *then* becoming the youngest head of department in seventy-six years for the Ministry of Magic, I've always been an authority figure and pride myself on having a superbly run schedule-
Host: Good Lord, could you just get on with the question?
Percy: I was just about too! As I was saying, I have a *superbly* run schedule. Give me an example on how you could enter my life without disrupting my schedule.
Host: That's a horrible question!
Audience: Boooooooooo!
Percy: I don't care, I want to know! Witch two?
[The voice of Merlin himself rings through the air]
Cho: Well, if you give me a sack of Sickles, I'll be out of your hair for a week! I'll just pop on down to Diagon Alley and check out the new shop, 'Harry's Hall Of Mirrors' and spend time with...me!
Percy: Uhh, yes well...Witch number three?
[Percy looks less then pleased as he hears his own voice speak for witch three]
Rosy: Well, I'm a very family oriented person, and I think I could *more* then preoccupy myself by spending time with yours. I'm very interested in treasure hunting, so I'd always be more then happy to spend time with your brother, Bill. Maybe he could show me what spot 'X' marks.
Audience: Whooo hoooo!
Host: Bravo to Witch number three who turned a really dull question, into a very *interesting* answer. Witch number one, what about you?
[Sounding like Albus Dumbledore and looking like a bulldog...]
Millicent: I wouldn't go near you for all the Galleons in Gringott's.
Host: Well, it seems like there's not a big chance Witch one would mess up your schedule.
Percy: MOVING ON! Witch number three-
[There is a loud explosion on the set, and for a moment everything is utter pandemonium]
Host: What in the bloody hell...Who is that?
[Two hooded figures rush towards the stage and stand on either side of our contestant]
Percy: What is the meaning of this?
[The crowd roars to life as the two figures cast aside their cloaks and are revealed to be none other then the co-owners of the Wizarding World's most successful gag store]
Fred: Hello Percy!
George: How are you mate?
Percy: What are *you* two doing here?
Fred: We've been watching the show, and we've decided you're too dull to pick out your own girl.
George: So we decided that we'd just pop on over and choose for you!
Host: Well, I must say lads, it is great to see you! Even more so since it means your brother won't have the chance to ask another God-awful question!
Percy: I have no intention of letting them choose a Witch-
Fred: Well sorry brother dear, you've got no choice!
George: Ya, if you looked a little closer at your contract it says at any time Fred or I can take over for you.
Percy: It did not! I read that contract thoroughly!
Host: Did you happen to read the contract naked under a full moon wearing a green rubber hat on your head while singing "God save the Queen" in a falsetto voice?
Percy: Are you mad? Of course not!
Host: Well then you missed a clause that only shows up when you do so. Funny...most people seem to miss that one, I can't for the life of me figure out why!
Fred: Well, I say on with the show! Witch number one, Percy just loves poetry! Why don't you give a rendition of your favorite poem?
George: Feel free to add your own touches!
Millicent: There once was a Wizard from Liverpool, who sat like a dunce on a big stool. His house, Gryffindor, was a terrible bore. TOO BAD THEY DIDN'T HAVE SOME DECENT MEN ON THIS SHOW, LIKE MAYBE SOMEONE FROM SLYTHERIN!
Host: Well that was just a lovely poem. Rhyming is a terribly overrated quality in poetry anyway! Witch two?
Cho: Roses are red, violets are blue. If you've got Galleons to spare, I'm the woman for you!
Fred: Well I must say, I like that. Percy's Galleons are too busy collecting dust in his vault. Witch three?
Rosy: What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Bill Weasley is the sun!
George: Who?
Rosy: Percy...Uhh...Percy is the sun.
Percy: That's it! I want new Witches! One wants to kill me, two wants to spend all my money, and I'm fairly sure Witch three is in love with my brother, Bill!
Fred: Oh come on now, be a good sport Perce!
Percy: No! I refuse to go away with *any* of-
[There is a loud pop and the Audience bursts into laughter as Percy's head is encased in a giant bubble.]
George: I've been waiting to do that since I was four years old! Don't worry, he can still breathe.
Host: Why don't you ask the last question, eh lads?
Fred: Alright ladies, Percy takes his job for the International Wizarding Relations Department *very* seriously-
Host: A little too seriously, if you ask me! Man's got a broomstick shoved so far up his arse, he probably floats every time he tries to sit down!
Announcer: Lee, would you *please* get on with it!
Host: Sorry, you were saying Fred?
Fred: Ladies, how would you keep 'relations' between you and our brother as 'friendly' as possible?
Millicent: I wouldn't. I would stay as far away from his as possible. And if I did happen upon the misfortune of meeting him, I know over a thousand curses and only sheer fatigue would keep me from performing EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!
George: Real firecracker this one! Definitely have to keep her in mind.
[Percy's screams and protestations fall on deaf ears]
Cho: Well, I think the quickest way to a happy family is to always keep the peace. And what better way to do that, then with a shopping spree at Diagon Alley! Where right now at 'Garen's Golden Gallery', you can get life size portal portraits painted for just two hundred galleons! What could be friendlier then a life size portrait of me?
Host: Well, I'm sure Garen will thank you later for that little plug...Witch three, what about you?
Rosy: Well, 'relations' are very important to me. I think it only proper to make sure 'relations' are in good standing...every...single...day. And 'relations' with *your* relations would be a top priority to me. Especially with your brother, Bill. I'd always make sure things were as friendly between us as could be. By the way, does he still have those leather breeches with the rip near the bum?
Fred: Uhh, I'm not sure.
Host: Well, we'll have to find out another day since it's time for Percy to meet the witch of his dreams! Fred...George, Are you ready to make your choice?
George: Well, we think it's pretty obvious who we should pick.
Fred: Doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out which Witch is right for our brother.
[Percy, who has been magically bound to his stool, is screaming his ruddy head off]
Host: Well, then take your pick!
Fred & George: Witch number one!
[At this, Percy faints, Millicent tries to run off stage but is caught by security, Cho takes out a mirror and is oblivious to everyone but herself and Rosy bursts into tears at losing her opportunity to infiltrate the Weasley clan]
Host: Could someone get a medi-wizard in here! I think our bachelor has passed out!
[The audience is shocked once more by the sound of a loud pop and the disembodied voice of one Molly Weasley fills the air]
Mrs. Weasley: Fred! George! You let your brother out of that bubble this instant! I mean it! Never would have BELIEVED it! You're ruining my chance at grandchildren!
Fred: Take it easy Mum, it's only a game show!
George: Ya, and it's not like he had a bed of roses to pick from anyway!
[Percy, who has been released from his stool, marches over to his brothers, a look of pure malice in his eyes. Millicent looks as though she's turned Slytherin green, Cho puts down her mirror just long enough to switch hands and Rosy continues to bellow]
Percy: That's it! I want off this show! There's no WAY I'm taking her home with me!
Host: Well, I'm sorry Percy but since you signed our shows contract your legally obligated to spend a week with Witch number one, better known as, Miss. Millicent Bulstrode!
Audience: HAHAHA!
Host: Unless you'd rather take a trip to Azkaban instead for breech of agreement?
Percy: But she'll kill me! And she looks like my great Aunts Pug!
Host: Then what better resort for you and your lovely Witch to spend an entire week at then Celestia's Centaur, which features five 'one star' restaurants, Jet-skiing and a complimentary dog walking service!
Percy: Fred! George! I swear on Merlin's beard I'll-
[Percy is cut off by the sudden screaming of two of our contestants]
Host: What is going on?
Rosy: Witch one's shrinking!
[Sure enough on closer inspection, witch one is indeed shrinking. She's doubled over and looks to be in a quite large amount of pain]
Percy: She's defective!
Host: NO! I don't think she's a 'she' at all! Look!
[Millicent has shrunk down to the size of a beach ball]
Host: It's a Polyjuice potion! But it can't be?
Announcer: Oh yes it can!
Host: Shut up I wasn't talking to you! You're ruining the suspense!
Announcer: Fine!
Host: As I was saying, it can't be! It's...It's...IT'S...
Announcer: Dobby the house elf!
Host: That's it! You're fired!
[The audience bursts into laughter, and it's all our host can do not to fall off his podium]
Dobby: Dobby is very sorry for having to lie to Mr. Percy, Dobby will indeed have to shut himself in the oven for this.
Percy: You're that little runt of a house elf that's always following Harry Potter around! What are you doing here?
Dobby: Dobby is trying to win himself a Wizard, sir! Dobby is very much in love, sir, and Dobby had to come. When the Mr.'s Fred and George came to Hogwarts last month, they is telling Dobby about this show. And they is helping Dobby to get on!
Percy: I'll kill you both for this! I can't go on a Holiday with an elf!
Fred: That's not what you said about Legolas!
George: Just cause he's a pretty blonde elf!
Host: I KNEW you were a poof!
Announcer: Can we *please* get on with it!
Dobby: Dobby has been loving Mr. Percy since he is first seeing him at Hogwarts making sure the students is being safe when the bad things was happening. Mr. Percy was so brave.
Host: Well, since there's nothing in the rules that states the alteration of ones appearance isn't legal...Percy it looks like you're in for the week of your life!
[Security walks a screaming Percy and a lovesick Dobby offstage]
Host: Well that certainly was one for the books! Fred, George, feel free to visit anytime mates! And we hope you all have enjoyed today's episode, please see your doctor if any abnormal side effects start to show up! Please join us next time when Miss. Hermione Granger finds herself the next victim of, The Dating Game!
Announcer: All contestants receive a years supply of Bertie Bott's every flavor beans and the new improved Longbottom Rememberall, remember what it is you've forgotten to recall! All contestants must agree to the Official rules and be free of any curses at time of taping including Imperius and any other choice inhibiting potions or spells. Copyright 2002, Prey-Dupe Enterprises.
~~~~~ A/N
I know, I'm totally tacky lol. MAJOR thanks to the people who reviewed. You people make me vaklempt! Jaz, Tikal you guys reviewed me twice! I'm starting to blush here. And CaelestisDiabolus, you have now reviewed everything I have. WOW! I don't deserve your praise, but I will take it! Har Har! And don't worry, this is not interfering with 'Vetux' lol!
By the way IF YOU HAVE ANY ideas for questions, e-mail me (also lemme know if you're a 'witch' or 'wizard'), but don't post them...(don't want to ruin it for everyone) If they are at all like the old dating game questions, I'll use them. Trust me, it sucks having to think these things up lol!
P.S. You guys notice I don't fancy Cho? I don't like her with Harry. It's either Draco or Ginny for me, no on else gets Harry. Except maybe..........Evil Grin eh heh heh heh... Never mind...
Warning! These fics may contain innuendoes so please be on the look out! They can sneak up on you.
(Oops! I thought I posted this like a month ago! Shame on me!)
The Dating Game! Hogwarts Style By: Gum Acacia
Host: Hello! And welcome to another frightening edition of 'The Dating Game!' I'm your host Lee 'There's No Way I Get Paid Enough For This Job' Jordan. Today we have a very special contestant for you all, someone who is like a brother to me. An older brother who *never* let's me break the rules, and who constantly spoils my fun! But, an older brother just the same!
[The horrid disgustingly cheesy music, we all have come to know and hate, starts to fill the air. Our host begins to bat his head repeatedly against his podium. The lights flash the stage turns, the audience begins to tap their feet to the hideously hypnotic tune.]
Host: All the way from Liverpool, it's the boy who got at least half of us into trouble while we were at school. Hogwarts' favorite snitch, Perciville Weasley!
[There's an equal number of boo's and hoorah's, Percy looks less then comfortable on his stool.]
Host: Percy currently works for The Ministry of Magic, and is head of the International Wizarding Relations Department! Percy's idea of a great night out is getting home in time to make sure his Ministry Owl has next morning's agenda before he goes to sleep! Seems like we have a wild one on our hands this time around ladies and gents, you better hold yourselves back!
Audience: Whooo Hooo!
Host: So, Percy. What brings you to our lovely show? Lonely heart? A taste for something new? The masochist in you screaming for some torture?
Percy: Blackmail.
Host: Well, I must say that's a new one for our show! Let me guess, Fred and George up to their old tricks again, eh mate?
Percy: Actually no, my mother is blackmailing me. She wants grandchildren, and she's like a tiger when she wants something. She'd claw me to pieces if she thought she could get them!
Host: Well, it seems there's a whole new side to Mrs. Weasley we didn't know about! I take it from your last significant relationship; you'll be choosing Witches?
Percy: Yes, if you don't mind.
Host: No, not at all. But...are you sure?
Percy: Of course I'm sure, I dated Penelope for five years didn't I?
Host: If you say so, it's just that, well, you always did have a bit of a 'poof' vibe about you.
Percy: Poof vibe? Are you implying I like men?
Host: Well, no. It's just that I remember seeing a couple of Gilderoy Lockhart pictures in your room, back in your sixth year. And, there was the whole Mr. Crouch thing I still -
Percy: He was a great man! Wonderful Ministry representative!
Host: - think you fancied him!
Percy: I did nothing of the sort! I fancy women!
Announcer: Lee! Can you move on please!
Host: Oh, all right! Witch's it is! Percy, hold on to your seat mate, because we have three fabulous witches for you to meet. For our first Witch, everyone give a warm welcome to Miss. Millicent Bulstrode! This sassy Slytherin is sure to be a wild card. She enjoys arm wrestling and beating up ex-Gryffindors. Well Milly, why don't you say hello to Percy?
Millicent: grunt
Host: Well, wasn't that lovely! Next we have the delectable raven from Ravenclaw. Miss. Cho Chang!
Audience: Whooo Hooo!
Host: Originally rumored to be the one-time sweetheart of Cedric Diggory, Harry Potter and Roger Davies, this spunky Witch certainly prefers her men in the spotlight! Cho likes to spend her free time shopping in Diagon Alley and cutting out pictures of herself and pasting them in her scrapbook. Care to give Percy a Hello?
Cho: Hi there, Percy!
Host: And last but not least, all the way from Hogsmeade, Madam Rosy Rosmerta! Madam Rosy enjoys playing hostess and is always good for a secret or two. Rosy, why don't you say hi to Percy, eh?
Rosy: Hi, Bill!
Percy: Uhh, I'm Percy not Bill.
Rosy: Shush! You're ruining my fantasy!
Host: Well, Percy it seems like you're in for a hard decision later! Are you ready to ask your questions?
Percy: Yes.
Host: Well then! Let's get the divider up and do some damage to these lovely ladies voices! Don't want to make things *too* easy for ya Percy!
[The divider is up. Unknown to Percy, the girls remain in there original positions. Once more the game show music from hell fills the air.]
Percy: Witch Number two, being school prefect for two consecutive years, moving on to position as Head Boy and *then* becoming the youngest head of department in seventy-six years for the Ministry of Magic, I've always been an authority figure and pride myself on having a superbly run schedule-
Host: Good Lord, could you just get on with the question?
Percy: I was just about too! As I was saying, I have a *superbly* run schedule. Give me an example on how you could enter my life without disrupting my schedule.
Host: That's a horrible question!
Audience: Boooooooooo!
Percy: I don't care, I want to know! Witch two?
[The voice of Merlin himself rings through the air]
Cho: Well, if you give me a sack of Sickles, I'll be out of your hair for a week! I'll just pop on down to Diagon Alley and check out the new shop, 'Harry's Hall Of Mirrors' and spend time with...me!
Percy: Uhh, yes well...Witch number three?
[Percy looks less then pleased as he hears his own voice speak for witch three]
Rosy: Well, I'm a very family oriented person, and I think I could *more* then preoccupy myself by spending time with yours. I'm very interested in treasure hunting, so I'd always be more then happy to spend time with your brother, Bill. Maybe he could show me what spot 'X' marks.
Audience: Whooo hoooo!
Host: Bravo to Witch number three who turned a really dull question, into a very *interesting* answer. Witch number one, what about you?
[Sounding like Albus Dumbledore and looking like a bulldog...]
Millicent: I wouldn't go near you for all the Galleons in Gringott's.
Host: Well, it seems like there's not a big chance Witch one would mess up your schedule.
Percy: MOVING ON! Witch number three-
[There is a loud explosion on the set, and for a moment everything is utter pandemonium]
Host: What in the bloody hell...Who is that?
[Two hooded figures rush towards the stage and stand on either side of our contestant]
Percy: What is the meaning of this?
[The crowd roars to life as the two figures cast aside their cloaks and are revealed to be none other then the co-owners of the Wizarding World's most successful gag store]
Fred: Hello Percy!
George: How are you mate?
Percy: What are *you* two doing here?
Fred: We've been watching the show, and we've decided you're too dull to pick out your own girl.
George: So we decided that we'd just pop on over and choose for you!
Host: Well, I must say lads, it is great to see you! Even more so since it means your brother won't have the chance to ask another God-awful question!
Percy: I have no intention of letting them choose a Witch-
Fred: Well sorry brother dear, you've got no choice!
George: Ya, if you looked a little closer at your contract it says at any time Fred or I can take over for you.
Percy: It did not! I read that contract thoroughly!
Host: Did you happen to read the contract naked under a full moon wearing a green rubber hat on your head while singing "God save the Queen" in a falsetto voice?
Percy: Are you mad? Of course not!
Host: Well then you missed a clause that only shows up when you do so. Funny...most people seem to miss that one, I can't for the life of me figure out why!
Fred: Well, I say on with the show! Witch number one, Percy just loves poetry! Why don't you give a rendition of your favorite poem?
George: Feel free to add your own touches!
Millicent: There once was a Wizard from Liverpool, who sat like a dunce on a big stool. His house, Gryffindor, was a terrible bore. TOO BAD THEY DIDN'T HAVE SOME DECENT MEN ON THIS SHOW, LIKE MAYBE SOMEONE FROM SLYTHERIN!
Host: Well that was just a lovely poem. Rhyming is a terribly overrated quality in poetry anyway! Witch two?
Cho: Roses are red, violets are blue. If you've got Galleons to spare, I'm the woman for you!
Fred: Well I must say, I like that. Percy's Galleons are too busy collecting dust in his vault. Witch three?
Rosy: What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Bill Weasley is the sun!
George: Who?
Rosy: Percy...Uhh...Percy is the sun.
Percy: That's it! I want new Witches! One wants to kill me, two wants to spend all my money, and I'm fairly sure Witch three is in love with my brother, Bill!
Fred: Oh come on now, be a good sport Perce!
Percy: No! I refuse to go away with *any* of-
[There is a loud pop and the Audience bursts into laughter as Percy's head is encased in a giant bubble.]
George: I've been waiting to do that since I was four years old! Don't worry, he can still breathe.
Host: Why don't you ask the last question, eh lads?
Fred: Alright ladies, Percy takes his job for the International Wizarding Relations Department *very* seriously-
Host: A little too seriously, if you ask me! Man's got a broomstick shoved so far up his arse, he probably floats every time he tries to sit down!
Announcer: Lee, would you *please* get on with it!
Host: Sorry, you were saying Fred?
Fred: Ladies, how would you keep 'relations' between you and our brother as 'friendly' as possible?
Millicent: I wouldn't. I would stay as far away from his as possible. And if I did happen upon the misfortune of meeting him, I know over a thousand curses and only sheer fatigue would keep me from performing EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!
George: Real firecracker this one! Definitely have to keep her in mind.
[Percy's screams and protestations fall on deaf ears]
Cho: Well, I think the quickest way to a happy family is to always keep the peace. And what better way to do that, then with a shopping spree at Diagon Alley! Where right now at 'Garen's Golden Gallery', you can get life size portal portraits painted for just two hundred galleons! What could be friendlier then a life size portrait of me?
Host: Well, I'm sure Garen will thank you later for that little plug...Witch three, what about you?
Rosy: Well, 'relations' are very important to me. I think it only proper to make sure 'relations' are in good standing...every...single...day. And 'relations' with *your* relations would be a top priority to me. Especially with your brother, Bill. I'd always make sure things were as friendly between us as could be. By the way, does he still have those leather breeches with the rip near the bum?
Fred: Uhh, I'm not sure.
Host: Well, we'll have to find out another day since it's time for Percy to meet the witch of his dreams! Fred...George, Are you ready to make your choice?
George: Well, we think it's pretty obvious who we should pick.
Fred: Doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out which Witch is right for our brother.
[Percy, who has been magically bound to his stool, is screaming his ruddy head off]
Host: Well, then take your pick!
Fred & George: Witch number one!
[At this, Percy faints, Millicent tries to run off stage but is caught by security, Cho takes out a mirror and is oblivious to everyone but herself and Rosy bursts into tears at losing her opportunity to infiltrate the Weasley clan]
Host: Could someone get a medi-wizard in here! I think our bachelor has passed out!
[The audience is shocked once more by the sound of a loud pop and the disembodied voice of one Molly Weasley fills the air]
Mrs. Weasley: Fred! George! You let your brother out of that bubble this instant! I mean it! Never would have BELIEVED it! You're ruining my chance at grandchildren!
Fred: Take it easy Mum, it's only a game show!
George: Ya, and it's not like he had a bed of roses to pick from anyway!
[Percy, who has been released from his stool, marches over to his brothers, a look of pure malice in his eyes. Millicent looks as though she's turned Slytherin green, Cho puts down her mirror just long enough to switch hands and Rosy continues to bellow]
Percy: That's it! I want off this show! There's no WAY I'm taking her home with me!
Host: Well, I'm sorry Percy but since you signed our shows contract your legally obligated to spend a week with Witch number one, better known as, Miss. Millicent Bulstrode!
Audience: HAHAHA!
Host: Unless you'd rather take a trip to Azkaban instead for breech of agreement?
Percy: But she'll kill me! And she looks like my great Aunts Pug!
Host: Then what better resort for you and your lovely Witch to spend an entire week at then Celestia's Centaur, which features five 'one star' restaurants, Jet-skiing and a complimentary dog walking service!
Percy: Fred! George! I swear on Merlin's beard I'll-
[Percy is cut off by the sudden screaming of two of our contestants]
Host: What is going on?
Rosy: Witch one's shrinking!
[Sure enough on closer inspection, witch one is indeed shrinking. She's doubled over and looks to be in a quite large amount of pain]
Percy: She's defective!
Host: NO! I don't think she's a 'she' at all! Look!
[Millicent has shrunk down to the size of a beach ball]
Host: It's a Polyjuice potion! But it can't be?
Announcer: Oh yes it can!
Host: Shut up I wasn't talking to you! You're ruining the suspense!
Announcer: Fine!
Host: As I was saying, it can't be! It's...It's...IT'S...
Announcer: Dobby the house elf!
Host: That's it! You're fired!
[The audience bursts into laughter, and it's all our host can do not to fall off his podium]
Dobby: Dobby is very sorry for having to lie to Mr. Percy, Dobby will indeed have to shut himself in the oven for this.
Percy: You're that little runt of a house elf that's always following Harry Potter around! What are you doing here?
Dobby: Dobby is trying to win himself a Wizard, sir! Dobby is very much in love, sir, and Dobby had to come. When the Mr.'s Fred and George came to Hogwarts last month, they is telling Dobby about this show. And they is helping Dobby to get on!
Percy: I'll kill you both for this! I can't go on a Holiday with an elf!
Fred: That's not what you said about Legolas!
George: Just cause he's a pretty blonde elf!
Host: I KNEW you were a poof!
Announcer: Can we *please* get on with it!
Dobby: Dobby has been loving Mr. Percy since he is first seeing him at Hogwarts making sure the students is being safe when the bad things was happening. Mr. Percy was so brave.
Host: Well, since there's nothing in the rules that states the alteration of ones appearance isn't legal...Percy it looks like you're in for the week of your life!
[Security walks a screaming Percy and a lovesick Dobby offstage]
Host: Well that certainly was one for the books! Fred, George, feel free to visit anytime mates! And we hope you all have enjoyed today's episode, please see your doctor if any abnormal side effects start to show up! Please join us next time when Miss. Hermione Granger finds herself the next victim of, The Dating Game!
Announcer: All contestants receive a years supply of Bertie Bott's every flavor beans and the new improved Longbottom Rememberall, remember what it is you've forgotten to recall! All contestants must agree to the Official rules and be free of any curses at time of taping including Imperius and any other choice inhibiting potions or spells. Copyright 2002, Prey-Dupe Enterprises.
~~~~~ A/N
I know, I'm totally tacky lol. MAJOR thanks to the people who reviewed. You people make me vaklempt! Jaz, Tikal you guys reviewed me twice! I'm starting to blush here. And CaelestisDiabolus, you have now reviewed everything I have. WOW! I don't deserve your praise, but I will take it! Har Har! And don't worry, this is not interfering with 'Vetux' lol!
By the way IF YOU HAVE ANY ideas for questions, e-mail me (also lemme know if you're a 'witch' or 'wizard'), but don't post them...(don't want to ruin it for everyone) If they are at all like the old dating game questions, I'll use them. Trust me, it sucks having to think these things up lol!
P.S. You guys notice I don't fancy Cho? I don't like her with Harry. It's either Draco or Ginny for me, no on else gets Harry. Except maybe..........Evil Grin eh heh heh heh... Never mind...