Trying to Cheat Fate
By: Xiao
Author's Note:
Continuing on! :| I know she could kill herself by slitting her throat but..
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Chapter Eleven: Syaoran.
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Five minutes of silence had englufed the two along with the full house. Meiling's eyes, which had been stained with light pink from crying, were finally closed, and her breathing steady. He had let her lay her head in his lap, he watching her breathing, her chest rising and falling steadily and quietly. He had grinned.
"Sleeping?" He questioned her, she didn't stir and only continued sleeping. He grabbed one of the pillows from the side of the couch and moved from under her, placing the pillow in his place. She turned onto her side, bending her knees lightly.
He walked back to the kitchen and rummaged through the cabnit, and slipping out the notebook he had used to write earlier that day, along with the pen that was tucked in between the side spirals. He took a seat at the table and turned it to a blank page.
"Dear Sakura (if this is her),
Long time, no write, and no see. I found the letters that you had sent me when I was a kid, suprising, isn't it? Heh. Anyway, down to the real point of this letter (if you even get to reading this. It'll probably be like "Damn, a letter from Syaoran. Well, let's burn it, not like he cares. Jerk."), just thought it'd be a good idea to apologize. I probably shouldn't of broke up with you over mail, it would of been better if it was real life. Yeah, Syaoran, what a jerk. I guess maybe I should of left an explanation in that letter, too, huh? Well, here goes nothing: You remember that girl I told you about in the first few letters? Meiling Li? That girl I was engaged to? I think you can get it from there, right? I hope you don't hold this all against me.
So, onto a different subject. How's life down in Tomoeda? Things are.. okay.. in Hong Kong, I guess. Life is hard, that's all I can say. Mei's been seeing a therapist, his name is Eriol Hiiragizawa, I'm guessing he's English because of his accent when he talks. Meiling thought about writing, you, too. I told her she could, but I'm not sure if you still live in the same place, but I'm hoping that we're lucky. Well, I don't know what to say (I've never been with letters, right?), so, I guess I'll just let you be. Check the return address for our address and if you want, reply. I think Meiling'll send you a letter, too, if you reply back.
Sincerely,
Syaoran Li.
He tore the page out carefully, and made sure the edge had stayed a straight line and took out an empty envelope from the green folder that held the letters Sakura had sent him a while back, along with a stamp (two) and one of the envelopes she had used to send him letters in. He folded the paper and slipping it into the envelope and sealing it, addressing the envelope and placing the stamps on it. He stood wand walked back to the front room, and to the front door, looking back at Meiling in silence. He watched her chest rise and fall, it doing so faster then it would when she was sleeping. So, it was obvious she was faking. He smirked, thinking it was kind of cute to watch her fake it, just like it was cute when kids would try and fake it, them squinting their eyes really hard.. Heh. He pulled the door opened and exited, walking down the street to the gath of mailboxes that you had to insert a key to get your mail.
She opened her eyes, and looked around. He had left again. Thank you! She got to her feet and ran to the kitchen, and once again, pulled out that silver blade, placing the sharpened part to the wrist that she had cut previously.
'Slit it deep..' She told herself quietly. She wasn't going to fail this time, oh no. She was alone, she could finish this off before Syaoran came back.
"There's no need to fail, now, he's not here. Slit it deep, so deep." She paused and looked at herself. "I love you, Syaoran, though, and never doubt it, you probably kept me alive longer then I expected." She paused. Wait, shouldn't she hate him for that? No matter. She pressed hard on the silver and moved the blade. It cut, deep, and blood had finally began to seep between the blade, she pulled it out and dropped it, clutching her wrist tightly, shutting her eyes and biting her bottom lip to the piont where some blood dropped there, as well. It was hurting. She screamed and dropped down. Why did it hurt?! It never hurt before..! Her screams recuded to loud whimpering while she clutched tighter, letting tears finally stream down. 'Oooh, smart one, Mei, you get to hurt yourself in the process!'
A door opened stopped her dead in the process of clutching her wrist. She had failed miserably again. She loosened her grip and moved her stained red hand from her cut and noticed that it wasn't as deep as expected. Damnit!
She now didn't care that Syaoran was home, would find her sitting on ground, clutching her wrist and the knife a few feet away, drentched in a fairly good amount of her blood. She lowered her voice, whimpered, now changing her mind. "Why can't you take the help you're being given?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, MEILING?!" She scolded herself, her body trembling now. Syaoran had finally noticed she was sitting there, and rushed toward her.
"What the hell? MEI!" It wasn't anger, it was more shocked. She stopped shutting her eyes and looked at him with fear. She half expected him to grab her and pull her up, maybe yell. She deserved it, didn't she? Smart girl, Meiling, trying to kill herself by slitting her wrist!
"Give me your wrist," He pulled it out from her other hand and stared. She stared at him. He looked hurt, almost half to tears, like he had been slit when she had did it to herself. He gently pulled her to the sink and went to the cabnit next to then, pulling out the first aid box they kept there. He turned on the water in the sink, and made sure she let some water drip on the cut to clean it a bit, she whimpered during all this, and he finally pulled it out of the water. Meiling grabbed the towel that hung from the facet and dried it softly.
"Here," he pulled out a small brown bottle, labled 'hixrogin peroxide,' that liquid that fizzes when it hits your cut. He untwisted the white top and looked at her. "It'll sting a bit." She nodded, and looked away. He wished he could sugar coat it, tell her that it wasn't going to hurt and it would only clean it, but, of course, she was old enough to understand people only said that so they wouldn't freak out. He poured some of it into the cap and poured the small amount onto her wrist, it instantly fizzing white while Meiling tried her best not to show it hurt.
He ran it back under the water and dried it and pulled out some cloth, wrapping it around a little tight so it would stop the bleeding. He looked down at her wrist while he spoke. "Why?" She stared, confused for a moment before realizing what he was asking. She shook her head, not knowing how she could explain things like this to him.
He looked up at her, and for the first time she saw the hurt in his eyes. "Do you do it because you think I wouldn't care?" He sighed, and took a glance back down. "That I don't love you? That I've only been doing this to make you miserable?" His voice had that slight tremble in it.
"No--"
"We were kids then, Meiling. I never thought you would think that I didn't love you because of Sakura! Oh, sure, I may not of noticed it, and I may of thought that I loved her, but even if I did, I'd still love you. It probably wouldn't be anything other than family love or friendly, but it's love, isn't it?"
"Syaoran--"
"Don't you get it?" He whispered, finishing the bandage around her wrist and looked at her. He was hurt, emotionally, you could tell by that small line of water on the bottom of his eyes, threatening to spill over. "I don't let you hurt yourself because I want you miserable. Lord no, I don't want you miserable! I want you happy, but you're not happy. You know I'd do anything to help you along the way, though, right? You tell me you don't want to have a baby, and if you don't.." He paused, silence for a few moments. "I don't want you to get an abortion, atleast give it to a different family. You wanna know why I do this all for you?" He tried to blink back those tears, but he failed, and there finally were a few silent tears. She hugged him, she silently crying as well. He embraced her back softly. "It's because I love you. My God, I mean, I love you more than anything. I.. just want you to understand that.." She nodded into his shoulder, and tightened her grip on him.
"I've always said, before I put it to my wrist, 'it wasn't your fault, Syaoran, and I love you.'.." She paused. "Oh God, I'm sorry.." She finally told him.
He had his eyes fixed on the knife on the ground where he had found Meiling. "Promise me, that whatever happens, Mei, you'll talk to me."
"..I promise I will."
He tightened his grip. She wouldn't be able to escape, he wasn't going to let her go to she did promise what he wanted her to. "And, promise me.. No matter what," he paused. "you'll stop cutting yourself. Promise me you'll stop." She had loosened her grip at that, and a moment later he could feel her body trembling and she letting herself cry aloud.
"Meiling--"
She shook her head lightly. "No, I'll stop. I swear, I'll stop cutting myself. I promise.."
He smiled and tightened his grip around her more, turning his head lightly and kissing her neck quickly. "Thank you.." He knew she was smiling now, and she was.
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After Note:
Hmm.. I have more things planned for the next chapter. This fiction'll probably end at chapter twenty at the most, but most likely before that. Heehee.. stay tuned, and review.
By: Xiao
Author's Note:
Continuing on! :| I know she could kill herself by slitting her throat but..
----------
Chapter Eleven: Syaoran.
----------
Five minutes of silence had englufed the two along with the full house. Meiling's eyes, which had been stained with light pink from crying, were finally closed, and her breathing steady. He had let her lay her head in his lap, he watching her breathing, her chest rising and falling steadily and quietly. He had grinned.
"Sleeping?" He questioned her, she didn't stir and only continued sleeping. He grabbed one of the pillows from the side of the couch and moved from under her, placing the pillow in his place. She turned onto her side, bending her knees lightly.
He walked back to the kitchen and rummaged through the cabnit, and slipping out the notebook he had used to write earlier that day, along with the pen that was tucked in between the side spirals. He took a seat at the table and turned it to a blank page.
"Dear Sakura (if this is her),
Long time, no write, and no see. I found the letters that you had sent me when I was a kid, suprising, isn't it? Heh. Anyway, down to the real point of this letter (if you even get to reading this. It'll probably be like "Damn, a letter from Syaoran. Well, let's burn it, not like he cares. Jerk."), just thought it'd be a good idea to apologize. I probably shouldn't of broke up with you over mail, it would of been better if it was real life. Yeah, Syaoran, what a jerk. I guess maybe I should of left an explanation in that letter, too, huh? Well, here goes nothing: You remember that girl I told you about in the first few letters? Meiling Li? That girl I was engaged to? I think you can get it from there, right? I hope you don't hold this all against me.
So, onto a different subject. How's life down in Tomoeda? Things are.. okay.. in Hong Kong, I guess. Life is hard, that's all I can say. Mei's been seeing a therapist, his name is Eriol Hiiragizawa, I'm guessing he's English because of his accent when he talks. Meiling thought about writing, you, too. I told her she could, but I'm not sure if you still live in the same place, but I'm hoping that we're lucky. Well, I don't know what to say (I've never been with letters, right?), so, I guess I'll just let you be. Check the return address for our address and if you want, reply. I think Meiling'll send you a letter, too, if you reply back.
Sincerely,
Syaoran Li.
He tore the page out carefully, and made sure the edge had stayed a straight line and took out an empty envelope from the green folder that held the letters Sakura had sent him a while back, along with a stamp (two) and one of the envelopes she had used to send him letters in. He folded the paper and slipping it into the envelope and sealing it, addressing the envelope and placing the stamps on it. He stood wand walked back to the front room, and to the front door, looking back at Meiling in silence. He watched her chest rise and fall, it doing so faster then it would when she was sleeping. So, it was obvious she was faking. He smirked, thinking it was kind of cute to watch her fake it, just like it was cute when kids would try and fake it, them squinting their eyes really hard.. Heh. He pulled the door opened and exited, walking down the street to the gath of mailboxes that you had to insert a key to get your mail.
She opened her eyes, and looked around. He had left again. Thank you! She got to her feet and ran to the kitchen, and once again, pulled out that silver blade, placing the sharpened part to the wrist that she had cut previously.
'Slit it deep..' She told herself quietly. She wasn't going to fail this time, oh no. She was alone, she could finish this off before Syaoran came back.
"There's no need to fail, now, he's not here. Slit it deep, so deep." She paused and looked at herself. "I love you, Syaoran, though, and never doubt it, you probably kept me alive longer then I expected." She paused. Wait, shouldn't she hate him for that? No matter. She pressed hard on the silver and moved the blade. It cut, deep, and blood had finally began to seep between the blade, she pulled it out and dropped it, clutching her wrist tightly, shutting her eyes and biting her bottom lip to the piont where some blood dropped there, as well. It was hurting. She screamed and dropped down. Why did it hurt?! It never hurt before..! Her screams recuded to loud whimpering while she clutched tighter, letting tears finally stream down. 'Oooh, smart one, Mei, you get to hurt yourself in the process!'
A door opened stopped her dead in the process of clutching her wrist. She had failed miserably again. She loosened her grip and moved her stained red hand from her cut and noticed that it wasn't as deep as expected. Damnit!
She now didn't care that Syaoran was home, would find her sitting on ground, clutching her wrist and the knife a few feet away, drentched in a fairly good amount of her blood. She lowered her voice, whimpered, now changing her mind. "Why can't you take the help you're being given?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, MEILING?!" She scolded herself, her body trembling now. Syaoran had finally noticed she was sitting there, and rushed toward her.
"What the hell? MEI!" It wasn't anger, it was more shocked. She stopped shutting her eyes and looked at him with fear. She half expected him to grab her and pull her up, maybe yell. She deserved it, didn't she? Smart girl, Meiling, trying to kill herself by slitting her wrist!
"Give me your wrist," He pulled it out from her other hand and stared. She stared at him. He looked hurt, almost half to tears, like he had been slit when she had did it to herself. He gently pulled her to the sink and went to the cabnit next to then, pulling out the first aid box they kept there. He turned on the water in the sink, and made sure she let some water drip on the cut to clean it a bit, she whimpered during all this, and he finally pulled it out of the water. Meiling grabbed the towel that hung from the facet and dried it softly.
"Here," he pulled out a small brown bottle, labled 'hixrogin peroxide,' that liquid that fizzes when it hits your cut. He untwisted the white top and looked at her. "It'll sting a bit." She nodded, and looked away. He wished he could sugar coat it, tell her that it wasn't going to hurt and it would only clean it, but, of course, she was old enough to understand people only said that so they wouldn't freak out. He poured some of it into the cap and poured the small amount onto her wrist, it instantly fizzing white while Meiling tried her best not to show it hurt.
He ran it back under the water and dried it and pulled out some cloth, wrapping it around a little tight so it would stop the bleeding. He looked down at her wrist while he spoke. "Why?" She stared, confused for a moment before realizing what he was asking. She shook her head, not knowing how she could explain things like this to him.
He looked up at her, and for the first time she saw the hurt in his eyes. "Do you do it because you think I wouldn't care?" He sighed, and took a glance back down. "That I don't love you? That I've only been doing this to make you miserable?" His voice had that slight tremble in it.
"No--"
"We were kids then, Meiling. I never thought you would think that I didn't love you because of Sakura! Oh, sure, I may not of noticed it, and I may of thought that I loved her, but even if I did, I'd still love you. It probably wouldn't be anything other than family love or friendly, but it's love, isn't it?"
"Syaoran--"
"Don't you get it?" He whispered, finishing the bandage around her wrist and looked at her. He was hurt, emotionally, you could tell by that small line of water on the bottom of his eyes, threatening to spill over. "I don't let you hurt yourself because I want you miserable. Lord no, I don't want you miserable! I want you happy, but you're not happy. You know I'd do anything to help you along the way, though, right? You tell me you don't want to have a baby, and if you don't.." He paused, silence for a few moments. "I don't want you to get an abortion, atleast give it to a different family. You wanna know why I do this all for you?" He tried to blink back those tears, but he failed, and there finally were a few silent tears. She hugged him, she silently crying as well. He embraced her back softly. "It's because I love you. My God, I mean, I love you more than anything. I.. just want you to understand that.." She nodded into his shoulder, and tightened her grip on him.
"I've always said, before I put it to my wrist, 'it wasn't your fault, Syaoran, and I love you.'.." She paused. "Oh God, I'm sorry.." She finally told him.
He had his eyes fixed on the knife on the ground where he had found Meiling. "Promise me, that whatever happens, Mei, you'll talk to me."
"..I promise I will."
He tightened his grip. She wouldn't be able to escape, he wasn't going to let her go to she did promise what he wanted her to. "And, promise me.. No matter what," he paused. "you'll stop cutting yourself. Promise me you'll stop." She had loosened her grip at that, and a moment later he could feel her body trembling and she letting herself cry aloud.
"Meiling--"
She shook her head lightly. "No, I'll stop. I swear, I'll stop cutting myself. I promise.."
He smiled and tightened his grip around her more, turning his head lightly and kissing her neck quickly. "Thank you.." He knew she was smiling now, and she was.
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After Note:
Hmm.. I have more things planned for the next chapter. This fiction'll probably end at chapter twenty at the most, but most likely before that. Heehee.. stay tuned, and review.