Fandom: Gravitation
Title: Kawaru. Boku.
Pairing: Ryuichi + Shuichi, Tohma + Ryuichi
Rating: PG
Description: Shuichi remembers all over again the day Ryuichi Sakuma changed him as he watched him live. (Episode 8 of the anime.)

Disclaimer: Gravi isn't Yui's.
(Note: This is the night after the last episode of the Gravitation anime.)

"Shine, Shuichi," my god had said to me.

Kawaru. Boku. (To change. Me.)
By Miyamoto Yui

[Final] Part 3 / Shuichi – Iru. (To exist.)

In silence, I look at Ryuichi who has been sitting in the swing next to mine.

We've been here for a while, but nothing could've prepared for anything that's happened thus far.
"Why did you cry?" Hiro had asked me.

And yet, he's the one who had replied, "Remember what K-san said? You shouldn't reach Sakuma Ryuichi-san's level so fast."

Hiro…
How much you always help me.

But I couldn't convince myself then. As always, I had to figure it out for myself, or I'd never learn, would I?

Smiling to myself, I swing a bit faster.

It was only when Sakuma Ryuichi himself told me "Shine" that I even began to understand.

Understand that our levels aren't different.
We have different goals, and our hearts are composed of things that aren't of the same mixture.

But there is one thing we both share: We love to sing.

It isn't about the levels.
It's about the passion.

I've become a part of the number one bands in Japan. To even be considered in the same realm as Sakuma Ryuichi…
That is shocking in itself.

Shine…
That's what you told me.

"I want to ask you something, Shuichi-kun."
I look at Sakuma-san and nod my head while swinging. "Yes?"
He begins to slow his swinging to a stop. When he finally stops, he looks at me seriously. "Why did you cry that day I sang Sleepless Beauty on that television show?"
I point my head downwards in shame.

Today would be the day I will tell my idol the truth that I have always wanted to tell him.

"Because it was you."
"Me?" He gives a confused expression, hugging Kumogorou in his lap.
"You changed my life. When I first saw you in a videotape, that was the day I knew that this was what I wanted in life." I smiled while staring at him. "It was very childish, but I knew in my heart that this was for me."
Blinking, I begin to sniff. "Thank you."
Ryuichi watches me and nods. "You're welcome."

Then, god himself points his gaze at the ground while fidgeting his fingers. "You're a very interesting person, Shuichi."
"Thanks," I reply with a smile.

His soft gaze at the sand changes as he looks at me once more.
With this intense look, I find myself stopping, halting my swinging altogether to stare at him.

"You have it."
"What do you mean?" I tilt my head, perplexed.
"You love music as much as I do. That's why I like you so much." He sighed as he shakes his head.
His cheeks start to become a bit red. "I started Nittle Grasper again because of you."
Gasping a little, I blinked at him in surprise. "Ore?"

I point to myself, unable to believe that it's me he was saying this to. Like an idiot, I glance around to make sure.
I gulp.

He smiles gently, saying, "When I was younger, I took up my stuff and thought I wanted to sing. I didn't know I could make a living out of it. In fact, Tohma hit me to get me back into shape."
I blink my eyes again. "Really?"
He nods slowly. "But when I took the microphone, I knew that it was mine. I knew that all of it would be mine someday."
"I wish I had that kind of confidence." I sigh.

Sakuma-san shakes his head and then pats the top of mine. "What I'm trying to tell you is that it isn't about confidence at all. It's about love."
He stands up and places Kumagorou safely into my lap. And then, he raises his hands as if he's holding an imaginary microphone stand. "You make love to your music. And then people know you're reaching out to them."
Looking back at me, he winks. "No one can sing when there is no one to sing for. If it's singing for yourself, this isn't enough. There is no meaning to that either."
Turning around fully and looking at me intensely, he explains, "Whether you laugh, cry, smile, or get angry with the song, you sincerely show who you are. You make that risk. And there's a chance for rejection, just like a love confession."

Coming back to me, he holds my shoulders. "It doesn't matter if you sing well. And it doesn't matter if your lyrics aren't the best. People come to you because they can hear you and your heart. Because you let them see it.
"You feel what they feel inside. You are no different from anyone else because you are human too. Through our songs, they know who is real. That's why there are singers who are remembered and those who are not. You as a singer should know the difference between someone who aims just for material pleasures."

He takes a hold of my face. His fingers touch pieces of my hair and I felt electric shocks run through me. "I saw myself through you. You are looking for something even Yuki can't give you. And this makes you whole."

I nod my head in comprehension.
My heart is beating so fast with the intensity of how much we understand one another.

"Yuki and singing make me who I am…" I mumble. "They make me happy."

And at that moment, Sakuma-san closes his eyes to kiss me gently on the forehead.

I sit there in shock, not expecting this at all.

Letting go, he takes Kumagorou from my lap and smiles. He puts Kumogorou on his head and once again becomes the genki little kid I know him to be.

"Shine, Shuichi, Shine," he encourages me. "I don't mind if it is you that I lose my place to.
Remember that."

He walks away as I wave in back of him.
Looking back at me, he shouts with a wink, "I won't accept anyone else, Shuichi!"
My lip quivers as I begin to cry like a child. I wipe my tears away in happiness.

With all my heart, I scream back, "Yakusoku da!"
Then, I get off my swing and run home towards Yuki.

With my hands in fists, I run faster and faster with a happy smile on my face.
"Thank you," I whisper to myself.

Yes, that's right…
Sakuma Ryuichi changed my life.

And I was never the same again.

For if he never existed…
I would have been unhappy.
So, I will keep these things inside of my heart.

Ryuichi, Yuki, and singing…
I know I can never live without them.
I don't want to exist

if it means that I can't have any of them…

Owari.
-
Author's note: Yea! One unfinished fic, finished! ^_^

Yea! I got the intensity I wanted! ^_^

November 28th, 2002