Chapter Eleven:



My heart pounded as I paced my room in anticipation. This was the night. I mean,
THE night. The night that would end my life as a girl and make me a woman.
Permanently, there was no turning back. Could you tell I was having second
thoughts? Well, I was. It wasn't that I didn't love Cary, I just…well, I don't
know what I was feeling. It was all just so confusing to me. I didn't know
whether I would like it or love it or regret it for the rest of my life. There
was also another factor that had been on my mind. The pain.
I'm not squeamish. I can take a slasher film with blood and guts flying
everywhere and when my health teacher made us watch the universal movie,
"Miracle of Life" I didn't wince or grimace with disgust as the other girls had.
But…this was real life—happening to ME.
I had finally had the guts to tell Mary Anne everything. She seemed surprised
but listened with the sharp, ever-so-caring ear she had had ever since we were
kids and something that I had missed ever since summer began. She had really
made me feel calmer about the subject than before. I had to tell her about Cary
and I because I told my mom that I would be spending the night at Dawn and Mary
Anne's and I needed them to cover up for me.
The lying was the part that really got to her and made her hesitate. To tell the
truth, I didn't like it that much either. I don't enjoy lying to my mom. I tell
her everything and it made me so guilty and horrible when I had to look in her
eyes and tell her an outright lie. But that was the only excuse that was
fool-proof. I've been sleeping over at Mary Anne's and Dawn's for years and mom
never calls to check up on me.
As if sensing my guilt, I heard my mom call from downstairs, "Kristy!"
I jumped nearly a mile, my heart pounding harder and then stopping completely.
"Uh…yes?" I squeaked.
"You'd better hurry if you want to get to Mary Anne's before dark." She said.
"Oh. Yeah." I mumbled and got together an overnight bag.
"Or better yet, why don't I drop you off?" She said a moment later.
"WHAT?!" I let slip. "Oh no, mom, don't bother. It's no problem I've ridden my
bike there tons of times. I'll be fine."
"It's on the other side of town." My mom objected. "Get ready and I'll drop you
off."
I stammered uselessly and grudgingly let the subject drop. If I resisted then my
mom would know something was up. I tucked the silk teddy that I had bought just
the other day into my night bag and slipped on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I
had no idea how I would get to Cary's house now. Maybe I could get a cab.
I lunged for my purse on the night stand and threw that into my bag too.
"Okay…" I called gruffly down to my mom. "I'm ready, mom."


I smiled and waved as mom pulled away from the curb and drove down the street.
Thankfully, nobody (as in Mary Anne's dad and Dawn's mom) saw us drive up and
when I was sure mom was gone, I ducked behind a tree near the house and slipped
around the back. I opened my bag and produced my cell phone mom and Watson had
bought me for my birthday this year.
First, I called the cab company and told them to pick me up at Burnt Hill Road
and then called up Cary and told him that I was heading over. He sounded just as
nervous as I felt and that made me feel better. At least he was being honest; he
wasn't trying to be some kind of Don Juan about this. It was comforting to know
that he had some insecurity.
I hide around the house for only five minutes until the cab pulled up in front
of the house. I dashed out from behind it and hurried into it, practically
slamming the door shut. I quickly gave the driver Cary's address and sat back
into the seat until I was almost sinking into it.
I tried not to look too suspicious or guilty but it didn't matter too much, the
driver looked dead tired and couldn't have cared less whether I had just robbed
a bank. It took less than fifteen minutes to get to Cary's but it felt like an
eternity. My stomach turned over when we past my house and I 'dropped' my bag on
the floor, then took my dear sweet time picking it up.
The driver pulled up in front of Cary's house and I paid him, tipping him way
too much but I didn't notice or I didn't care—hush money. I swung my bag around
as I climbed the steps and rang the bell. It didn't ring more than two times
before Cary opened the door.
Almost immediately I felt a blush take over my face. Cary was fully dressed but
something was different about him. Maybe the excitement of the day was taking
over his mood, but he seemed more…seductive.
"Hey." He said and ushered me in, which was just as well; I didn't want to risk
Sam or Charlie driving by and seeing me at Cary's with an over night bag and the
sun just about down.
I stepped into the foyer of Cary's house and suddenly felt how quiet it was.
When Ben and Steig were here, I could feel there energy almost reverberating
against the walls even when they were being completely quiet and when Cary's
parents invited me over for dinner three nights ago, I could feel liveliness
everywhere as they regaled their travels and showed me their souvenirs. But now,
it was as quiet as a morgue.
I suddenly felt sorry for Cary. All alone in this house for the past two days.
The thought took my mind off my nervousness and, for the first time, I felt
excited.
Turning around, I pulled Cary into my arms and gave him a long kiss. He seemed
to perk up against me and joined me more than eagerly in the embrace.
"I…I made spaghetti." He said lamely when we pulled away.
Something in his tone made me giggle and kiss his chin one more time.
"Great." I said. "it's my favorite."
Before he could kiss me again, I pulled away and held up my back, shifting my
weight to my left leg, my hand alluringly placed on my hip.
"Why don't you get it ready? I have to change." I said, a sly smile on my face.
Cary tried to suppress a shiver and nodded.
I took a step forward then stopped, immediately dropping my sexy stance. "Ur,
um…where do I…?"
"Change?" Cary asked, the word falling off his tongue as if it were slippery.
"Well, um, in my bed—I mean!—my bedroom or in the bathroom or…" He put his face
in his hand and laughed rattledly. "Kristy, change where ever you want. You're
in charge." He added, trying to regain his composure.
"That's right." I said, trying to regain mine.
I climbed up the stairs and finally slumped against the wall, laughing silently
to myself. I didn't feel weird at all now. I headed for Cary's room and took off
my shirt and jeans. After some thought, I left my panties on but discarded my
bra and slipped on the lingerie I had brought. Staring into the mirror, I pulled
my hair down and ran a brush through a couple of times before I got the
stiffness from my ponytail out. I parted it to the side and picked up the sides
in the same pins that I had worn when Cary had come over to our house that
night. When he had first kissed me.
Digging into my bag, I pulled out a lightly fragranced perfume and sprayed a
gentle mist in the air and stepped through it. Stepping back, I examined myself.
Watch out, Cary. Throwing my bag aside, I took my time heading downstairs,
determined to make him wait until the last possible moment.
After loitering for almost a minute, I climbed down the stairs and looked into
the kitchen. Cary wasn't in there. I looked in the dining room. He wasn't there
either. He wasn't in the den or the laundry room or in the rec room. Feeling
worried and stupid, I stopped in the hall and leaned against the wall. Just
then, piano music drifted in from the living room. It was the song Cary had
written for me.
Gazing into the room, I saw that the lights were out, he had drawn the shades
and lit candles were lit around a blanket on the floor. On the blanket was a
plate of spaghetti and meatballs, a bottle of champagne and a bowl of fresh
strawberries.
Forcing back a smile, I headed for the couch where Cary was lying (he had
changed out of his clothes and was now wearing a black silk smoking jacket with
a Chinese emblem on the back and lapels.
"Bonjour, ma damoisele." He said in a fake French accent.
"Bonjour." I said back.
I picked my way around the candles and laid myself on top of him. My heart
started hammering again as he kissed me.



I didn't care much for the champagne or the strawberries or even the spaghetti.
All I know is that it went in a blur as Cary and I took turns feeding each other
until it was all gone and then we headed up to his room. We didn't say much,
just held hands and walked up the stairs, darting furtive glances at each other.

The walk down the hall to Cary's room was a mile long and when we reached his
door, we kissed one more time.
"Everything we need is in there." He told me.
He was, of course, talking about the condom. I nodded. I couldn't speak just
then, my mouth had suddenly become full of saw dust.
As he turned the door knob, I grabbed his shoulder and desperately whispered, "I
love you." I needed to say it. I needed to hear him say it.
Cary turned back to me and nodded. "I love you, too." He said, gripping my
shoulders and gazing at me through half-closed eyelids.
We held each other close for several moments, silently communicating our fears,
our love, everything before he took my hand in his and we walked through the
door.