Chapter Two
A/N: SORRY!!! I forgot to spell check this before I posted it. This version is edited. Sorry about the misspellings and stuff.
While the seven made their way to the village of Bree, the wizard Gandalf went to Orthanc consult his superior. It did not go well.
"Well, I've got this really pretty rock thing...." Saruman had said, "Y'know, a palintir. We can.... Um.... Look to it for the answers." "You're off your nut. For all we know, Sauron himself could be using another one. You're insane." Gandalf had replied. "Oh AM I? AM I? Sauron is an ALL- POWERFUL lord! You here me? WISE AS WELL! For all we know, he knows the reason hot dogs come in packages of six and hot dog buns come in packages of eight!" "SARUMAN!" Gandalf now realized the horrible truth, and rushed for the door, which Saruman telepathically closed. He two began to brawl, dropping their staffs and pulling each other's horribly long hair. Saruman's grip slipped and he fell to the ground. "My GOD your hair's greasy!" he said as he reached for his staff. Gandalf, who had fell against a wall, had a smooth trail of blood pouring from a small cut on his head. Saruman took advantage of this opportunity and sent the Grey Wanderer spiraling upward to the highest peak of Orthanc.
"What brings you here?" a voice chimed in Gandalf's ear. "Saruman has.... Gone to the other side." He mumbled. "Yeah...." the voice said, "That's just slightly obvious. So.... Who are you?" "I am Gandalf the Grey, once great wizard, but now...." he looked over the edge of the tower with pain in his eyes, "Now I can do nothing." "Hm. I'm Jewels. I was picking berries in that field that Saruman's tearing apart"—she gestured toward the orcs who vigorously ripped trees up from their roots—"When this orc saw me. Only female orc I've ever seen. Well, she knocked me out and.... here I am." Gandalf looked to the girl, her hair dark, slightly laighter in some areas, probably bleached from the sun. Her skin was a slightly dark tone, her eyes a dark brown. Her eyes were full of luster and life. His were old, and sad. "Is this banishment a popular form of torture? Does Saruman use it often?" "Yes, very. When I came there were more than six people up here. Some of them jumped off the edge, and a couple of them kind of.... Forgot that they can't levitate."
"'Ello, sir, an' welcome to the Prancin' Pony! My name'd be Butterbur, might I ask yours?" Frodo paused breifly, but Maniac interjected before he could reply, saying "Put us under 'Ima Puesydomn.'" "Don't do that!" Frodo smacked her arm lightly, "Underhill. The name's Underhill." "Well, sir, I got a nice hobbit-sized room for ye, but what 'bout the ladies?" "They'll sleep on the floor." Sam answered, "By the by, you wouldn't have happened to see a man called Gandalf, have you?" "Gandalf…. Oh! Big child…." "I wouldn't call him a child, he's rather old." "Big gray beard? Haven't seen him in months." Sam looked shocked, and Frodo confused. An over-exaggerated gasp was uttered from some one, and the seven went into the tavern.
Minutes later, six of the seven, with the exception of Meriadoc, sat a table, sipping at some form of ale. The girls were at first skeptical, whispering to each other something about minors and alcohol, but they willing drank. Merry came, and sat down next to Merry, clutching a larger mug in his hands.
"What's that?" Pippin asked. "This, my friend," Merry replied, looking at his mug with great lust in his eyes, "Is a pint." "They serve it in pints?" Pippin seemed giddy; "I'm getting one." "Don't they serve it in pints everywhere?" Gally asked the others as Pippin scampered toward the bar. Frodo and Sam continued their conversation, oblivious to the fact that anyone else was there.
"That fella's been staring at you the whole time." Sam said, gesturing to a mysterious looking man, decked out in robes, smoking at a pipe. "How can you tell?" Frodo remarked, "We can't even see his eyes under that robe." "Lucky guess I suppose, but that little bloke next to him has been looking about, and staring directly at and mumbling something." Frodo now notice the "little bloke" of which Sam spoke. Next to the mysterious robed-covered man sat a scrawny creature very pale and extremely bony. Spectacles sat on the bridge of his nose, and an odd glint was in his eyes as he murmured things to himself. Frodo was not sure of his spices, but he looked to be some sort of human-like being suffering from extreme malnutrition.
Frodo silently hailed Butterbur over to their table and asked who they were. "Oh, tha's one o' them Rangers. Dangerous blokes, they are. An' the little bugger next to him is some sort of servant, I suppose. They entered together, the little fella caring all of the Ranger's things." Suddenly, from over near the bar, Frodo heard a drunken Pippin say "Oh, I know a Baggins. FRODO BAGGINS, from the SHIRE. He's RIGHT OVER AT THAT TABLE!" Remarkably, everyone else ignored the hobbit's drunken ramblings and continued their conversation.
However, Frodo shouted "PIPPIN!" and ran in his companion's direction. As he ran, he noticed that one of the drunks couldn't hold as many mugs as his companion, and slipped over the filthy vomit. Somehow, the Ring flew from his pocket, and mysteriously landed on his finger. He saw everything around him in a white-ish blue colour. Suddenly, he saw a figure come shooting towards him. It was a mop, apparently meant for the vomit. Suddenly, an eye encircled in a ring of fire appeared before him, mumbling something in a hideous language. Frodo ripped the Ring from his finger, and smacked the man mopping his forehead.
The Ranger that had sat the corner came running toward him, and scooped him up, lifting him by his shirt collar. "You draw far too much attention to yourself." He growled, tossing Frodo up the stairs. "Who are you?" Frodo asked, panting for no apparent reason, as the Ranger threw him into a room. "Didn't you already ask that Butterbur fellow the same question?" "Why does everyone in the Bree say 'fellow'?" The Ranger quickly changed the subject, "Are you frightened?" "Um.... Sure. I mean.... Why not?" "Not nearly frightened enough, I know what hunts you." "I SAID I was frightened, isn't that enough for you?"
Suddenly, the door burst open, and the boy who had sat next to the Ranger entered. "Master....Ara—Erm—STRIDER! The others! They're coming!" Shortly after, the remaining six burst through the door, Merry brandishing a candle, Pippin a chair, and Sam his own fist. "Let him go or we'll....WE'LL RIP YOU A NEW ONE!" Sam shouted. The girls enter, and Phoenix ran over to Strider's servant thrusting him into a choke-hold. "Surrender the hobbit or your lackey gets it!" Maniac shouted. Strider strolled over to Sam and patted his shoulder "You've a stout heart little one." "HEY!" Gally shouted, "What about us?" Strider stood oblivious to the girls, smiling at Sam. Um....hello? Your faithful lackey in a choke-hold over here!" "Oh....right....let him go." The Ranger commanded.
The nine riders in black neared the walls to the village of Bree, knocking down the doors, and trampling over the old man who had graded the gates. As they road further into the village, he faintly mumbled "I'm OKAY!" The nine dismounted and entered the Prancing Pony. Butterbur cowered in a corner, clutching a teddy bear and whispering to himself "There's no place like home, there's no place like....wait! This is home! There's no place like anywhere-other-than-home...." Sir Robin, who had left Monty Python's quest for the Holy Grail briefly to grab a drink, yet again personally wet himself. The nine walked stealthily up into the Hobbit's room, loomed over their beds briefly and stabbed feircely, chanting to themselves:
Find the Halfing (stab, stab) Kill the Halfing (stab, stab) Bring Master the Ring (stab, stab) Get some tea when we're through (stab, stab)
They found nothing but a lot of feathers, and left in a fit of anger.
"....Cashew, pecan, Brazil nut, and peanut." Jewels ended triumphantly, "I told you I could never every type of nut there is." "The peanut is a legume, and the Brazil nut is actually a seed." Gandalf said wearily. He caught a moth as it flew by, whispered something to it, and released it. "No kidding? The Brazil nut isn't even a nut? Hmmm....I'll have to rethink this whole nut thing....maybe I should have memorized every type of berry. Let's see....blue berry, raspberry, black berry, huckleberry...."
"....So these guys are the Nazgul?" Frodo said attempting to understand Strider's explanation, "And they used to be humans....Hmmm...." "Who are you?" Sam poked at the Ranger's companion, who poked back, made an odd sound, and moved his bony fingers. "Perhaps I should say WHAT are you?" "I am quite human." He began, "The Great Goose, by name. Servant to Strider, the Ranger, and exile of the land of Gondor." "Exile?" Merry, who hadn't said anything in quite a while, remarked. "Why were you exiled?" Pippin, who hadn't uttered a word in the longest of time either, questioned. "I dare not say." The Goose mumbled, "NOW SLEEP! There is a long road...." "AHEM!" Strider cleared his throat loudly. "Oh...." The Goose glared at him, "That's right....YOU'RE supposed to say that." "There is a long road ahead of us tomorrow, and you will need your strength."
A/N: SORRY!!! I forgot to spell check this before I posted it. This version is edited. Sorry about the misspellings and stuff.
While the seven made their way to the village of Bree, the wizard Gandalf went to Orthanc consult his superior. It did not go well.
"Well, I've got this really pretty rock thing...." Saruman had said, "Y'know, a palintir. We can.... Um.... Look to it for the answers." "You're off your nut. For all we know, Sauron himself could be using another one. You're insane." Gandalf had replied. "Oh AM I? AM I? Sauron is an ALL- POWERFUL lord! You here me? WISE AS WELL! For all we know, he knows the reason hot dogs come in packages of six and hot dog buns come in packages of eight!" "SARUMAN!" Gandalf now realized the horrible truth, and rushed for the door, which Saruman telepathically closed. He two began to brawl, dropping their staffs and pulling each other's horribly long hair. Saruman's grip slipped and he fell to the ground. "My GOD your hair's greasy!" he said as he reached for his staff. Gandalf, who had fell against a wall, had a smooth trail of blood pouring from a small cut on his head. Saruman took advantage of this opportunity and sent the Grey Wanderer spiraling upward to the highest peak of Orthanc.
"What brings you here?" a voice chimed in Gandalf's ear. "Saruman has.... Gone to the other side." He mumbled. "Yeah...." the voice said, "That's just slightly obvious. So.... Who are you?" "I am Gandalf the Grey, once great wizard, but now...." he looked over the edge of the tower with pain in his eyes, "Now I can do nothing." "Hm. I'm Jewels. I was picking berries in that field that Saruman's tearing apart"—she gestured toward the orcs who vigorously ripped trees up from their roots—"When this orc saw me. Only female orc I've ever seen. Well, she knocked me out and.... here I am." Gandalf looked to the girl, her hair dark, slightly laighter in some areas, probably bleached from the sun. Her skin was a slightly dark tone, her eyes a dark brown. Her eyes were full of luster and life. His were old, and sad. "Is this banishment a popular form of torture? Does Saruman use it often?" "Yes, very. When I came there were more than six people up here. Some of them jumped off the edge, and a couple of them kind of.... Forgot that they can't levitate."
"'Ello, sir, an' welcome to the Prancin' Pony! My name'd be Butterbur, might I ask yours?" Frodo paused breifly, but Maniac interjected before he could reply, saying "Put us under 'Ima Puesydomn.'" "Don't do that!" Frodo smacked her arm lightly, "Underhill. The name's Underhill." "Well, sir, I got a nice hobbit-sized room for ye, but what 'bout the ladies?" "They'll sleep on the floor." Sam answered, "By the by, you wouldn't have happened to see a man called Gandalf, have you?" "Gandalf…. Oh! Big child…." "I wouldn't call him a child, he's rather old." "Big gray beard? Haven't seen him in months." Sam looked shocked, and Frodo confused. An over-exaggerated gasp was uttered from some one, and the seven went into the tavern.
Minutes later, six of the seven, with the exception of Meriadoc, sat a table, sipping at some form of ale. The girls were at first skeptical, whispering to each other something about minors and alcohol, but they willing drank. Merry came, and sat down next to Merry, clutching a larger mug in his hands.
"What's that?" Pippin asked. "This, my friend," Merry replied, looking at his mug with great lust in his eyes, "Is a pint." "They serve it in pints?" Pippin seemed giddy; "I'm getting one." "Don't they serve it in pints everywhere?" Gally asked the others as Pippin scampered toward the bar. Frodo and Sam continued their conversation, oblivious to the fact that anyone else was there.
"That fella's been staring at you the whole time." Sam said, gesturing to a mysterious looking man, decked out in robes, smoking at a pipe. "How can you tell?" Frodo remarked, "We can't even see his eyes under that robe." "Lucky guess I suppose, but that little bloke next to him has been looking about, and staring directly at and mumbling something." Frodo now notice the "little bloke" of which Sam spoke. Next to the mysterious robed-covered man sat a scrawny creature very pale and extremely bony. Spectacles sat on the bridge of his nose, and an odd glint was in his eyes as he murmured things to himself. Frodo was not sure of his spices, but he looked to be some sort of human-like being suffering from extreme malnutrition.
Frodo silently hailed Butterbur over to their table and asked who they were. "Oh, tha's one o' them Rangers. Dangerous blokes, they are. An' the little bugger next to him is some sort of servant, I suppose. They entered together, the little fella caring all of the Ranger's things." Suddenly, from over near the bar, Frodo heard a drunken Pippin say "Oh, I know a Baggins. FRODO BAGGINS, from the SHIRE. He's RIGHT OVER AT THAT TABLE!" Remarkably, everyone else ignored the hobbit's drunken ramblings and continued their conversation.
However, Frodo shouted "PIPPIN!" and ran in his companion's direction. As he ran, he noticed that one of the drunks couldn't hold as many mugs as his companion, and slipped over the filthy vomit. Somehow, the Ring flew from his pocket, and mysteriously landed on his finger. He saw everything around him in a white-ish blue colour. Suddenly, he saw a figure come shooting towards him. It was a mop, apparently meant for the vomit. Suddenly, an eye encircled in a ring of fire appeared before him, mumbling something in a hideous language. Frodo ripped the Ring from his finger, and smacked the man mopping his forehead.
The Ranger that had sat the corner came running toward him, and scooped him up, lifting him by his shirt collar. "You draw far too much attention to yourself." He growled, tossing Frodo up the stairs. "Who are you?" Frodo asked, panting for no apparent reason, as the Ranger threw him into a room. "Didn't you already ask that Butterbur fellow the same question?" "Why does everyone in the Bree say 'fellow'?" The Ranger quickly changed the subject, "Are you frightened?" "Um.... Sure. I mean.... Why not?" "Not nearly frightened enough, I know what hunts you." "I SAID I was frightened, isn't that enough for you?"
Suddenly, the door burst open, and the boy who had sat next to the Ranger entered. "Master....Ara—Erm—STRIDER! The others! They're coming!" Shortly after, the remaining six burst through the door, Merry brandishing a candle, Pippin a chair, and Sam his own fist. "Let him go or we'll....WE'LL RIP YOU A NEW ONE!" Sam shouted. The girls enter, and Phoenix ran over to Strider's servant thrusting him into a choke-hold. "Surrender the hobbit or your lackey gets it!" Maniac shouted. Strider strolled over to Sam and patted his shoulder "You've a stout heart little one." "HEY!" Gally shouted, "What about us?" Strider stood oblivious to the girls, smiling at Sam. Um....hello? Your faithful lackey in a choke-hold over here!" "Oh....right....let him go." The Ranger commanded.
The nine riders in black neared the walls to the village of Bree, knocking down the doors, and trampling over the old man who had graded the gates. As they road further into the village, he faintly mumbled "I'm OKAY!" The nine dismounted and entered the Prancing Pony. Butterbur cowered in a corner, clutching a teddy bear and whispering to himself "There's no place like home, there's no place like....wait! This is home! There's no place like anywhere-other-than-home...." Sir Robin, who had left Monty Python's quest for the Holy Grail briefly to grab a drink, yet again personally wet himself. The nine walked stealthily up into the Hobbit's room, loomed over their beds briefly and stabbed feircely, chanting to themselves:
Find the Halfing (stab, stab) Kill the Halfing (stab, stab) Bring Master the Ring (stab, stab) Get some tea when we're through (stab, stab)
They found nothing but a lot of feathers, and left in a fit of anger.
"....Cashew, pecan, Brazil nut, and peanut." Jewels ended triumphantly, "I told you I could never every type of nut there is." "The peanut is a legume, and the Brazil nut is actually a seed." Gandalf said wearily. He caught a moth as it flew by, whispered something to it, and released it. "No kidding? The Brazil nut isn't even a nut? Hmmm....I'll have to rethink this whole nut thing....maybe I should have memorized every type of berry. Let's see....blue berry, raspberry, black berry, huckleberry...."
"....So these guys are the Nazgul?" Frodo said attempting to understand Strider's explanation, "And they used to be humans....Hmmm...." "Who are you?" Sam poked at the Ranger's companion, who poked back, made an odd sound, and moved his bony fingers. "Perhaps I should say WHAT are you?" "I am quite human." He began, "The Great Goose, by name. Servant to Strider, the Ranger, and exile of the land of Gondor." "Exile?" Merry, who hadn't said anything in quite a while, remarked. "Why were you exiled?" Pippin, who hadn't uttered a word in the longest of time either, questioned. "I dare not say." The Goose mumbled, "NOW SLEEP! There is a long road...." "AHEM!" Strider cleared his throat loudly. "Oh...." The Goose glared at him, "That's right....YOU'RE supposed to say that." "There is a long road ahead of us tomorrow, and you will need your strength."