Chapter Six
The Fellowship marched on for what seemed like hours. It was actually days, however it seemed to go rather quickly. No one had seemed to notice that Legolas's eyes had now changed to fuchsia and were slowly warping themselves into a reddish state. No one had seemed to notice how Gally, now noting herself as not only a lady of Forlindon, but the Queen, no less, bossed Legolas around like one of her servants. No one seemed to notice how Legolas did her every biding with a smile.
However, everyone seemed to notice Frodo's whining. "Oh, me, even with my hobbit's feet I'm still suffering from all this blasted walking" "Master Aragorn, spare this poor hobbit from anymore torture and carry me!" No one did anything, however, this fateful morn, the Fellowship had reached the top of the mountain Caradhras, and here they would rest.
Merry and Pippin were being taught to fight by Boromir, with a silent Aragorn watching, and a not-so-silent Phoenix shouting mindless dribble at them. "That's it.... Now give him your left hook.... No! Don't do that! You're wide open on the other side! Yes.... Yes.... Yes.... Ye—NO! NO!" Aragorn sent her confused looks, which she ignored. Sam snored softly under a small bush. The Grey wizard spoke with the dwarf Gimli, the Goose, and Legolas. Gally was very near by, while she, Jewels, and Maniac suffered through Frodo continuous complaints. "My that certainly was a long way to walk.... Tired out of my mind." The girls sighed loudly, and Jewels demanded "Will you please shut up?!" Frodo, however, continued his ramblings, oblivious to their demands. "The elf I envy.... When we near that snowy ridge, he'll simply walk on top of the snow and...." He was cut off by shock, because Gally was standing next to him, doing nothing, hands at her sides, half smiling, when suddenly she reached up and poked his head, dead center. "Wh-what was that for?" Jewels laughed a little and began poking him as well, and soon Maniac joined. "Legolas, be a dear and come help us over here?" Gally called. "Yes, ma'am" he grinned. Gimli called to him. "Elf! Is that not what I believe, a fleet of birds coming toward us? Tell us so that we might know whence a correct time to take cover would be!" Legolas both ignored and couldn't understand Gimli's words.
Boromir, his sword moving swiftly, missed and cut a small gash in Pippin's ankle. He cried out, and kicked the man. Aragorn began giggling, and Phoenix became enraged. While the two hobbits playfully kicked at Boromir, Phoenix full on attacked, and began to bloody his nose. Gandalf cried out for them to hide. The birds were none other than the servants of Saruman.
Sam chose this time to wake up.
"Aye, Mister Frodo, have yourself a nice rest," Sam said as he yawned and stretched, "And you'll feel all better. No more complaints for quite a while, I assure—HOLY SHIT! What are those?! Don't kill me! Take him! The little weakling with the Ring! He's the one you—Oh.... they're, heh heh, uh, gone." Everyone gawked at Sam in shock for his offered sacrifice of his master. Sam struggled to find a comeback. "I.... Uh.... LEGOLAS'S EYES ARE PINK!" "Are not!" Legolas shouted. Gandalf grew irritated. "Quiet, both of you. We have to travel over the mountain. It is very cold, and many of us will probably die from hypothermia or get a serious case of frostbite, but it's all for the greater good, right?" The group sighed aggravatedly, and as they gathered their things to leave, mumblements could be heard amongst them of things such as "I just got a pedicure," and "I knew I shouldn't have worn sandals" and one, presumably from Legolas, of "my eyes are NOT pink...." A shout roared over the mumbles. "Maybe we should all save some suffering and just give the Goose the Ring!" Everyone turned to face the son of Arathorn's servant. "Well, whoever that anonymous person who randomly yelled out that excellent piece of advice was, I agree. Why should we all suffer? I mean, a man does not enjoy watching others suffer. And why should I want to see my gaggle of minions—erm, friends—to suffer needlessly?" The Fellowship stared in confusion. Phoenix cocked her head to the side, and then walked up to the Goose, and poked him on the head. She then slapped him.
"OW! What was that for? You made me drop my triangle!" "We're all going to the top. This is a brand new pair of elven hiking boots, and I did NOT spend that twenty-some-odd gold pieces on a pair of shoes I won't even use ONCE! Besides, I've heard they've got some excellent walking shoes in Gondor." "Oh yes!" Boromir joined in "They've got this excellent little shoe boutique on the fifth level of the tower, shoes of every kind! I mean, some of them are a bit pricey, but...." "Wait a minute...." Jewels interrupted, "Weren't we supposed to be doing something? I forgot what it was.... A quest or something?" Maniac looked as if in deep thought, "No.... No, doesn't sound familiar." They all stood for a moment, remembering the task at hand.
Finally Gimli shouted, "THE QUEST! The almighty Quest of the Ring! We must continue!" The rest of the Fellowship considered this, and nodded approvingly. "Legolaaaaaaaaaas," Gally whined, "Carry me!" The elf, whose eyes had now turned a shade of deep orange, lifted the Queen of Forlindon and began to carry her. Phoenix observed this trick, and then turned to Merry and Pippin. "One of you, carry me up the mountain." Merry and Pippin looked at Phoenix, looked at each other, nodded, and turned back to Phoenix. They both knocked her to the ground, and proceeded to roll her upward. 'Y'know what, guys? I think I'll walk after all."
The Fellowship continued on upward because.... Well.... That was the initial plan. Gally constantly mocked everyone, for she and Legolas were not forced to trudge through the now. "Hehehe! Look at you all! Couldn't you speed up? No! You couldn't! Because you've not elves!" She made Legolas stop briefly so she could form a snowball in her hands and hurl it at Frodo, who rolled backwards. When he stood, he felt around his neck for the Ring. "OH CRAP! I lost it! Well.... Mission's over. Let's go home." "I've got it." Boromir said, holding up the chain, along with the Ring. He studied it intensely. "So odd that we must suffer such great pain for something so small." There was a silence, which Phoenix broke by saying, "That's kind of the definition of irony." While they stood in continuous silence, the Goose snatched the Ring, unnoticed until he began dancing and chanting, "I got the Ring! I got the Ring! Haha-haha-haaaaaahaaaaaaaaa!" "Good work, Goose," Aragorn addressed him, "You have gotten the Ring to give back to Frodo." "Yeah.... Frodo.... Right." Goose reluctantly returned the Ring to the Ring bearer, but not without a stern remark of something that sounded like "muhlurp" and a wiggling of his bony fingers.
The marching continued, in much silence. Finally, a loud screech was heard, from Aragorn, and chaos broke loose. "Oh my Gods! I broke a nail!" The Goose hurriedly shouted, "One moment, Master! I'm getting the nail file! It'll all be fine in a second!" Gally, whispered to herself, "Yes! Now there's no WAY I don't have the best nails in the Fellowship!" and examined her own pinkish tinted nails. She then noticed the beautiful, perfect nails of the elf that was carrying her. She grew jealous, and in a fit of rage began snapping the end of the nails from his fingers. Legolas screamed. "Are you off your nut!? What ARE you doing? Those are my NAILS, STOP IT!" While he ran around screaming, Gally clutching his shoulder and snapping off nails with an odd, insane glint in her eyes, Gimli sat down in the snow, exasperated. "What is it, hairy dude? You don't look so good." Maniac said, as she sat next to him. Gimli sighed angrily. "I'm TRYING to be dramatic, here! I mean, look at me! I'm a big ball of dirty hair that hasn't been washed in months! I deserve a little respect, so I earn it by acting dramatic. This is the only reason people seem to pay attention me, but all you bloody gits can't understand a bleeding word that comes from my mouth!" Maniac's look was sympathetic, as she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, but her only thoughts were, "Oh my GODS! He hasn't washed hi hair in MONTHS? "
Phoenix, turned to the two hobbits next to he, Merry and Pippin, who were beginning to become something of sidekicks to her. She gestured towards the snow, and the two nodded. In unison, these three picked up snow, and formed balls from it. Again, in unison, they pulled their arm back, then launched them forward, releasing the snowballs, each of which hit either Legolas or Gally in the head. "HEY!" the elf prince and the human queen shouted. "Good work, boys." Phoenix said as she smiled at Merry and Pippin.
Still, there was silence as the fourteen marched upwards. An obvious beat in their marching, and causing Phoenix to hum briefly. Legolas stopped in his tracks (at which point Gally whined "Keep moving!") and mumbled to Gandalf "There is a foul voice on the air...." Gandalf heard the voice the elven prince spoke of, and shouted, "It's Saruman!" "Nay, Grey one!" Gimli corrected him, "'Tis a plaque.... a voice of pure evil, the wretched sound of Mistress Phoenix singing." They all turned to Phoenix, who was in fact, singing. "These boots were made for walkin', and that's just what they'll do.... What? Why is everyone staring at me?" As they all stood in silence staring at Phoenix, a new voice wafted toward them. "Hello? Gandalf? It's Saruman.... I haven't spoken to you in a while.... I suppose you've been busy. Gandalf? I know your there. GANDALF?!" As his voice grew, the mountain shook. And then the snow fell.
Quick disclaimer: Nancy Sinatra owns "These Boots were made for Walking."
A/N: Time to test your knowledge. Did you get that the constant mentions of Legolas's eyes changing colour were in reference to Orlando's eyes in the movie (blue at first, then brown, then blue. Stop taking out your coloured contacts, dude!!!)??? Or the reference to Gimli not being noticed with the exception of his scraggly appearance was in reference to the fact that those who have seen the movie (females, mostly) notice only the "hot" guys, and only note that Gimli is either "not hot," or that he had some of the best make-up??? If you didn't, now you do!!! Hmmm…. Maybe I'm influencing people to start looking for the hidden meanings in jokes. I've started a revolution!!! No I haven't.
The Fellowship marched on for what seemed like hours. It was actually days, however it seemed to go rather quickly. No one had seemed to notice that Legolas's eyes had now changed to fuchsia and were slowly warping themselves into a reddish state. No one had seemed to notice how Gally, now noting herself as not only a lady of Forlindon, but the Queen, no less, bossed Legolas around like one of her servants. No one seemed to notice how Legolas did her every biding with a smile.
However, everyone seemed to notice Frodo's whining. "Oh, me, even with my hobbit's feet I'm still suffering from all this blasted walking" "Master Aragorn, spare this poor hobbit from anymore torture and carry me!" No one did anything, however, this fateful morn, the Fellowship had reached the top of the mountain Caradhras, and here they would rest.
Merry and Pippin were being taught to fight by Boromir, with a silent Aragorn watching, and a not-so-silent Phoenix shouting mindless dribble at them. "That's it.... Now give him your left hook.... No! Don't do that! You're wide open on the other side! Yes.... Yes.... Yes.... Ye—NO! NO!" Aragorn sent her confused looks, which she ignored. Sam snored softly under a small bush. The Grey wizard spoke with the dwarf Gimli, the Goose, and Legolas. Gally was very near by, while she, Jewels, and Maniac suffered through Frodo continuous complaints. "My that certainly was a long way to walk.... Tired out of my mind." The girls sighed loudly, and Jewels demanded "Will you please shut up?!" Frodo, however, continued his ramblings, oblivious to their demands. "The elf I envy.... When we near that snowy ridge, he'll simply walk on top of the snow and...." He was cut off by shock, because Gally was standing next to him, doing nothing, hands at her sides, half smiling, when suddenly she reached up and poked his head, dead center. "Wh-what was that for?" Jewels laughed a little and began poking him as well, and soon Maniac joined. "Legolas, be a dear and come help us over here?" Gally called. "Yes, ma'am" he grinned. Gimli called to him. "Elf! Is that not what I believe, a fleet of birds coming toward us? Tell us so that we might know whence a correct time to take cover would be!" Legolas both ignored and couldn't understand Gimli's words.
Boromir, his sword moving swiftly, missed and cut a small gash in Pippin's ankle. He cried out, and kicked the man. Aragorn began giggling, and Phoenix became enraged. While the two hobbits playfully kicked at Boromir, Phoenix full on attacked, and began to bloody his nose. Gandalf cried out for them to hide. The birds were none other than the servants of Saruman.
Sam chose this time to wake up.
"Aye, Mister Frodo, have yourself a nice rest," Sam said as he yawned and stretched, "And you'll feel all better. No more complaints for quite a while, I assure—HOLY SHIT! What are those?! Don't kill me! Take him! The little weakling with the Ring! He's the one you—Oh.... they're, heh heh, uh, gone." Everyone gawked at Sam in shock for his offered sacrifice of his master. Sam struggled to find a comeback. "I.... Uh.... LEGOLAS'S EYES ARE PINK!" "Are not!" Legolas shouted. Gandalf grew irritated. "Quiet, both of you. We have to travel over the mountain. It is very cold, and many of us will probably die from hypothermia or get a serious case of frostbite, but it's all for the greater good, right?" The group sighed aggravatedly, and as they gathered their things to leave, mumblements could be heard amongst them of things such as "I just got a pedicure," and "I knew I shouldn't have worn sandals" and one, presumably from Legolas, of "my eyes are NOT pink...." A shout roared over the mumbles. "Maybe we should all save some suffering and just give the Goose the Ring!" Everyone turned to face the son of Arathorn's servant. "Well, whoever that anonymous person who randomly yelled out that excellent piece of advice was, I agree. Why should we all suffer? I mean, a man does not enjoy watching others suffer. And why should I want to see my gaggle of minions—erm, friends—to suffer needlessly?" The Fellowship stared in confusion. Phoenix cocked her head to the side, and then walked up to the Goose, and poked him on the head. She then slapped him.
"OW! What was that for? You made me drop my triangle!" "We're all going to the top. This is a brand new pair of elven hiking boots, and I did NOT spend that twenty-some-odd gold pieces on a pair of shoes I won't even use ONCE! Besides, I've heard they've got some excellent walking shoes in Gondor." "Oh yes!" Boromir joined in "They've got this excellent little shoe boutique on the fifth level of the tower, shoes of every kind! I mean, some of them are a bit pricey, but...." "Wait a minute...." Jewels interrupted, "Weren't we supposed to be doing something? I forgot what it was.... A quest or something?" Maniac looked as if in deep thought, "No.... No, doesn't sound familiar." They all stood for a moment, remembering the task at hand.
Finally Gimli shouted, "THE QUEST! The almighty Quest of the Ring! We must continue!" The rest of the Fellowship considered this, and nodded approvingly. "Legolaaaaaaaaaas," Gally whined, "Carry me!" The elf, whose eyes had now turned a shade of deep orange, lifted the Queen of Forlindon and began to carry her. Phoenix observed this trick, and then turned to Merry and Pippin. "One of you, carry me up the mountain." Merry and Pippin looked at Phoenix, looked at each other, nodded, and turned back to Phoenix. They both knocked her to the ground, and proceeded to roll her upward. 'Y'know what, guys? I think I'll walk after all."
The Fellowship continued on upward because.... Well.... That was the initial plan. Gally constantly mocked everyone, for she and Legolas were not forced to trudge through the now. "Hehehe! Look at you all! Couldn't you speed up? No! You couldn't! Because you've not elves!" She made Legolas stop briefly so she could form a snowball in her hands and hurl it at Frodo, who rolled backwards. When he stood, he felt around his neck for the Ring. "OH CRAP! I lost it! Well.... Mission's over. Let's go home." "I've got it." Boromir said, holding up the chain, along with the Ring. He studied it intensely. "So odd that we must suffer such great pain for something so small." There was a silence, which Phoenix broke by saying, "That's kind of the definition of irony." While they stood in continuous silence, the Goose snatched the Ring, unnoticed until he began dancing and chanting, "I got the Ring! I got the Ring! Haha-haha-haaaaaahaaaaaaaaa!" "Good work, Goose," Aragorn addressed him, "You have gotten the Ring to give back to Frodo." "Yeah.... Frodo.... Right." Goose reluctantly returned the Ring to the Ring bearer, but not without a stern remark of something that sounded like "muhlurp" and a wiggling of his bony fingers.
The marching continued, in much silence. Finally, a loud screech was heard, from Aragorn, and chaos broke loose. "Oh my Gods! I broke a nail!" The Goose hurriedly shouted, "One moment, Master! I'm getting the nail file! It'll all be fine in a second!" Gally, whispered to herself, "Yes! Now there's no WAY I don't have the best nails in the Fellowship!" and examined her own pinkish tinted nails. She then noticed the beautiful, perfect nails of the elf that was carrying her. She grew jealous, and in a fit of rage began snapping the end of the nails from his fingers. Legolas screamed. "Are you off your nut!? What ARE you doing? Those are my NAILS, STOP IT!" While he ran around screaming, Gally clutching his shoulder and snapping off nails with an odd, insane glint in her eyes, Gimli sat down in the snow, exasperated. "What is it, hairy dude? You don't look so good." Maniac said, as she sat next to him. Gimli sighed angrily. "I'm TRYING to be dramatic, here! I mean, look at me! I'm a big ball of dirty hair that hasn't been washed in months! I deserve a little respect, so I earn it by acting dramatic. This is the only reason people seem to pay attention me, but all you bloody gits can't understand a bleeding word that comes from my mouth!" Maniac's look was sympathetic, as she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, but her only thoughts were, "Oh my GODS! He hasn't washed hi hair in MONTHS? "
Phoenix, turned to the two hobbits next to he, Merry and Pippin, who were beginning to become something of sidekicks to her. She gestured towards the snow, and the two nodded. In unison, these three picked up snow, and formed balls from it. Again, in unison, they pulled their arm back, then launched them forward, releasing the snowballs, each of which hit either Legolas or Gally in the head. "HEY!" the elf prince and the human queen shouted. "Good work, boys." Phoenix said as she smiled at Merry and Pippin.
Still, there was silence as the fourteen marched upwards. An obvious beat in their marching, and causing Phoenix to hum briefly. Legolas stopped in his tracks (at which point Gally whined "Keep moving!") and mumbled to Gandalf "There is a foul voice on the air...." Gandalf heard the voice the elven prince spoke of, and shouted, "It's Saruman!" "Nay, Grey one!" Gimli corrected him, "'Tis a plaque.... a voice of pure evil, the wretched sound of Mistress Phoenix singing." They all turned to Phoenix, who was in fact, singing. "These boots were made for walkin', and that's just what they'll do.... What? Why is everyone staring at me?" As they all stood in silence staring at Phoenix, a new voice wafted toward them. "Hello? Gandalf? It's Saruman.... I haven't spoken to you in a while.... I suppose you've been busy. Gandalf? I know your there. GANDALF?!" As his voice grew, the mountain shook. And then the snow fell.
Quick disclaimer: Nancy Sinatra owns "These Boots were made for Walking."
A/N: Time to test your knowledge. Did you get that the constant mentions of Legolas's eyes changing colour were in reference to Orlando's eyes in the movie (blue at first, then brown, then blue. Stop taking out your coloured contacts, dude!!!)??? Or the reference to Gimli not being noticed with the exception of his scraggly appearance was in reference to the fact that those who have seen the movie (females, mostly) notice only the "hot" guys, and only note that Gimli is either "not hot," or that he had some of the best make-up??? If you didn't, now you do!!! Hmmm…. Maybe I'm influencing people to start looking for the hidden meanings in jokes. I've started a revolution!!! No I haven't.