Chapter Eight
A large, octopus-like tentacle had snaked its way around the Ringbearer's ankle, and pulled him towards the water. The only one screaming more than Frodo was Sam, who angrily kicked a tentacle. Phoenix shrank as small as she could into a ball and shook violently behind a boulder. Gally hid behind Legolas, who was shooting the tentacle with every arrow he could grab. Pretty much everyone else just stood there and stared, a bit bemused by the scene. Gimli placed a quick bet with Pippin, while the Goose mumbled to the craken coaxingly. "That's it.... Now rip the Ring from around his neck and through it up here.... Come on..... NO! DON'T EAT HIM YET!"
Boromir sighed. All this bored him. 'Maybe I should do something?' he thought. In reply to himself, he thought 'Meh. Couldn't hurt.' So, he lurched forward, drew his dagger, and sawed of the tentacle slowly. "Um.... Hey, Boro-babe? I appreciated the offer, but if you could just.... Speed it up a bit, that'd be great." "Oh.... Right. Sure thing, Frody." But his attempts to slice it off still failed. "Damn you!" he shouted, "Where the hell did this thing come from?" "You know...." Gandalf half whispered, "That's a good question.... I mean.... The craken lives a couple of miles out of this radius.... It's a bit far for him to travel all the way over here.... Inconceivable, one might say...." The craken, upon realizing this great mistake, was outraged. "Oh.... Hell's bells!" it swore, and with that, disappeared into oblivion through a plot hole.
The commune marched in to the tomb, or mine, or whatever you prefer. Many marveled at the sights in awe however Gimli was sullen from the falling of the great mines and being out a few gold coins from hi previous bet with Pippin. Using the parcially broken coffee maker and some very old beans, Aragorn had commanded the Goose to whip up a pot of coffee, which he did. The coffee, though bitter with large lumps of something unrecognizable, was better than water ever was.
Suddenly, they stopped. "Oh.... pudding cups," Gandalf muttered, "I.... Forgot the way. We're.... gonna have to wait here for a while." The others sighed angrily, while Gandalf tried to decide which way to go. After a few minutes, Legolas lept up with an idea. "Hey.... I think we should go this way!" he pranced towards his destination, and found it to be rather hard and stony. He had mistaken a wall for a tunnel. Maniac cracked up. "So much for elves with good eyesight!" she sniggered.
The troupe sat for a while longer, until Frodo grasped Gandalf's sleeve in terror. "There's," he whispered, "Something down there! What is it?!" Gandalf puffed his pipe and sighed aggrivatedly. He glanced at Frodo side-ways and snapped, "I don't know, you tell me!" he then chuckled to himself, and sarcastically remarked, "Yeah, it's GOLLUJM!" he apperciatively laughed at his own joke, until a voice from below hissed, "Yessss, it isss!" "Oh...." Gandalf muttered, "Well.... Sod off, you disgusting little twit!"
The group grew bored, almost as much as they had while Gandalf attempted to find the password to the entrance of the cave. Maniac fiddled with an arrow she had stolen from a skeleton briefly, then tossed it aside. It hit Legolas. "OW! That was my ass!" he screamed, to which she replied, "Don't be standing where I'm throwing arrows!" Merry and Pippin played endless games of Rock, Parchment, Scissors in a corner while Pippin complained about being hungry. Gimli picked at his teeth while Aragorn scratched his sweaty, greasy hair. Frodo and Sam watched them do this as they had nothing better to do. Jewels and Gally moped in a corner, endlessly complaining about the extensive wait for lack of a better topic. Boromir and Phoenix chatted on and on about the wonderful shoe selection at Gondor. Finally, Gandalf reached his decision.
"Hey, dudes!" he called to them, "We're going this way." "Any particular reason?" Maniac asked as she leapt to her feet. "It smells better over here. You know how the old saying goes. 'Just follow your nose.'" Gally giggled at this. "Hehehe.... Like Toucan Sam." Sam looked at her quizzically, as he was not a toucan and wanted to know her reasoning behind calling him one.
A/N: This is all I've got for right now. It's not the funniest, and certainly not the longest. But, it's what I've got, and believe you me, the next portion will be better.
A large, octopus-like tentacle had snaked its way around the Ringbearer's ankle, and pulled him towards the water. The only one screaming more than Frodo was Sam, who angrily kicked a tentacle. Phoenix shrank as small as she could into a ball and shook violently behind a boulder. Gally hid behind Legolas, who was shooting the tentacle with every arrow he could grab. Pretty much everyone else just stood there and stared, a bit bemused by the scene. Gimli placed a quick bet with Pippin, while the Goose mumbled to the craken coaxingly. "That's it.... Now rip the Ring from around his neck and through it up here.... Come on..... NO! DON'T EAT HIM YET!"
Boromir sighed. All this bored him. 'Maybe I should do something?' he thought. In reply to himself, he thought 'Meh. Couldn't hurt.' So, he lurched forward, drew his dagger, and sawed of the tentacle slowly. "Um.... Hey, Boro-babe? I appreciated the offer, but if you could just.... Speed it up a bit, that'd be great." "Oh.... Right. Sure thing, Frody." But his attempts to slice it off still failed. "Damn you!" he shouted, "Where the hell did this thing come from?" "You know...." Gandalf half whispered, "That's a good question.... I mean.... The craken lives a couple of miles out of this radius.... It's a bit far for him to travel all the way over here.... Inconceivable, one might say...." The craken, upon realizing this great mistake, was outraged. "Oh.... Hell's bells!" it swore, and with that, disappeared into oblivion through a plot hole.
The commune marched in to the tomb, or mine, or whatever you prefer. Many marveled at the sights in awe however Gimli was sullen from the falling of the great mines and being out a few gold coins from hi previous bet with Pippin. Using the parcially broken coffee maker and some very old beans, Aragorn had commanded the Goose to whip up a pot of coffee, which he did. The coffee, though bitter with large lumps of something unrecognizable, was better than water ever was.
Suddenly, they stopped. "Oh.... pudding cups," Gandalf muttered, "I.... Forgot the way. We're.... gonna have to wait here for a while." The others sighed angrily, while Gandalf tried to decide which way to go. After a few minutes, Legolas lept up with an idea. "Hey.... I think we should go this way!" he pranced towards his destination, and found it to be rather hard and stony. He had mistaken a wall for a tunnel. Maniac cracked up. "So much for elves with good eyesight!" she sniggered.
The troupe sat for a while longer, until Frodo grasped Gandalf's sleeve in terror. "There's," he whispered, "Something down there! What is it?!" Gandalf puffed his pipe and sighed aggrivatedly. He glanced at Frodo side-ways and snapped, "I don't know, you tell me!" he then chuckled to himself, and sarcastically remarked, "Yeah, it's GOLLUJM!" he apperciatively laughed at his own joke, until a voice from below hissed, "Yessss, it isss!" "Oh...." Gandalf muttered, "Well.... Sod off, you disgusting little twit!"
The group grew bored, almost as much as they had while Gandalf attempted to find the password to the entrance of the cave. Maniac fiddled with an arrow she had stolen from a skeleton briefly, then tossed it aside. It hit Legolas. "OW! That was my ass!" he screamed, to which she replied, "Don't be standing where I'm throwing arrows!" Merry and Pippin played endless games of Rock, Parchment, Scissors in a corner while Pippin complained about being hungry. Gimli picked at his teeth while Aragorn scratched his sweaty, greasy hair. Frodo and Sam watched them do this as they had nothing better to do. Jewels and Gally moped in a corner, endlessly complaining about the extensive wait for lack of a better topic. Boromir and Phoenix chatted on and on about the wonderful shoe selection at Gondor. Finally, Gandalf reached his decision.
"Hey, dudes!" he called to them, "We're going this way." "Any particular reason?" Maniac asked as she leapt to her feet. "It smells better over here. You know how the old saying goes. 'Just follow your nose.'" Gally giggled at this. "Hehehe.... Like Toucan Sam." Sam looked at her quizzically, as he was not a toucan and wanted to know her reasoning behind calling him one.
A/N: This is all I've got for right now. It's not the funniest, and certainly not the longest. But, it's what I've got, and believe you me, the next portion will be better.