Destiny's Way
By: Seena
A.N. Er, this is my first official angst. I have no clue whatsoever what possessed me to write this. I really don't know that much about Yami Mariku at all, so I'll probably get half the stuff I say wrong. I don't know if this is his personality (I mean, I know he likes killing people and stuff but I don't know what goes on inside his head); I don't even know if Yami Mariku's capable of feeling angst at all. If you know more than I do (which really isn't that hard), and you noticed that I messed up somewhere, please tell me before I make a complete idiot of myself.
Um... enjoy?
Disclaimer: *rolls eyes* Just guess what I'm going to say. Amoung other things, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!. And I don't get money for doing this. Darn. Makes you wonder why I even bother...
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There's something other than darkness and pain? Yes, I'm aware of that. I'm trying to destroy it. Why? Because it's useless. Everything's useless, in the end. We're all doomed.
But that's not my point, at least not right now.
There are two things in the world that I can't stand, and those are love and happiness. Why? Because I've never felt either of them. I never will, either. I can't. It's impossible. How could I?
I can't, is the answer. I said that already. Why can't I? Because all I am is negative energy. Namely, the negative energy of one Ishtar Mariku. It's not as bad as it sounds. Not really. It just means I don't get to enjoy life. Oh well. One can't have everything, I suppose.
But fate does seem to be a bit biased. There are people in the world, like a certain Pharaoh, who destiny likes more than others. The Spirit of the Puzzle is destined to win; that makes it pretty unfair to everyone else in the world.
I guess some people are fated to be better than others. That's just the way it is...
Equality seems like a good thing. The only way I can think of to make everything equal is to kill everyone. In a world of only darkness and death (which is pretty much my life right now) everyone would be equal. I have no clue what's wrong with killing; it's the ultimate equalizer. Dead people can't even compare themselves to each other.
I don't think the concept is so bad, but it seems the rest of the world does. But then, the rest of the world can feel love and happiness, which are things I've only heard about. Things I don't want to think about - mainly because they do not make any sense to me. Things that make the world unequal, and should be destroyed.
And whom could be better to destroy them than I? I, who am indifferent to them in the first place? I, who cannot feel the rays of joy on my darkened face? I, who can never be one of them...
I almost envy them, at times. They take for granted their ability to love... the ability that I can never possess. Am I even truly alive? Am I even a real person? I'm just negativity in a physical form...
However... what is that stupid phrase? I think, therefore I am. Yes, I think. I think more than most people believe me to. But they're just stupid idiots. I can't even pity them. I don't know how.
All I can feel is anger, pain, hatred, and occasionally sadness, if I really try. Once in awhile, I even feel loneliness, but that's pretty rare. These emotions come in various degrees, so life - if that's what you want to call it - is vivid enough, though it certainly is constant. I can't even look at someone without feeling anger. I don't even have a choice in what I get to feel. It's like a constant fire inside me; sometimes burns out of control, though it keeps me warm. I, too, am singed by its eternal, undying flames...
Besides for the world in general, a lot of my anger focuses on the Spirit of the Puzzle; I believe that this is because I am a product of Mariku, who wants to kill him, because he killed his father. The boy's anger is misplaced, however; in actuality, it was I who murdered the man.
He was an insane jerk, anyway; I don't know why Mariku liked him so much. (I don't entirely understand the idea of someone at all, actually.) He should have been thankful; his father put him through a lot of torture. A lot of the pain from that torture went into my creation; perhaps he is my father, too?
It's easier to just consider Mariku my creator; besides, I hate him the most. It's his fault I even exist at all, living a life without truly being a person. I'm not even sure I can call this living; if it is, it's an incomplete life. Like I'm only half of a person - the darker half. No one asks to be born, but my was not a normal circumstance, either.
I was born, I'm living, and eventually I will die (along with everybody else). When Mariku created me, I was like an extension of himself. But in the moment of my creation, I became a new person, with a soul of my own. I'm as good as any yami, minus a few thousand years.
Why can't everyone could see the world this way? Then maybe they'd understand that darkness and death are all right, that they're all there is, in the end. Love and happiness only go so far... whoever said that true love never dies and that happiness was a blessing must have been on drugs. Either that, or they're just as stupid as everyone else. It's probably both; but it's amazing that people would listen to something that stupid.
It's possible to live without joy or love. If you call what I'm doing living, that is. I'm a person with a separate soul, but I live in a world of strange emotions that I cannot feel, wounds that will not heal, and memories that are not mine. All that I can see is darkness.
I didn't choose to live like this. I guess that it's just destiny's way...
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Er, did this make any sense at all? Was it good, or did I totally mess up? Feel free to criticize (as long as you have a legitimate argument, of course). Flames are accepted, as long as they have a logical point to them, and aren't based on your emotional feelings of something. You know, you have to have facts to back up your words, that sort of thing.
Please review! Any and all feedback is welcome! Thanks!