Chapter Nine
As one might imagine, the troupe was quite tired of walking perpetually. Thankfully, Moria came equipped with moving sidewalks. This enabled them travel at a very slow rate, and all in all, travel a distance in half an hour that could have easily been traveled within ten minutes had they been walking. But one does not normally let such trivial things bother them. Well, not NORMALLY, but this instance was not a particularly normal one. Gally was busy comforting a sore Legolas, whose rear hurt too much for him to sit. Gally was also frantically attempting to bum Altiods off of Frodo, who was not at all familiar with this strange word, "Altiod" and attempted to explain this to her. She refused to listen.
"Look Frodo-bo, darling," Gally complained, "You don't have to lie about it. If you don't want to give me an Altiod, just come right out and say it!" "No!" Frodo protested over the pained whines of Legolas, who softly remarked, "I can't believe this! My butt is swelling! Look at this! It's huge!" Frodo continued his protest, "Look, I don't know what the bloody hell you're talking about! Is that what you want hear, then fine. I don't want to give you one of those.... Things." Gally gasped with horror, and whined and nagged him about how horribly rude of him that was.
Phoenix was refusing to speak with Boromir, after he insulted sandals in their previous shoe-related conversation. She was extremely bitter about it, and sat for a bit complaining to Merry and Pippin. She was sullen, and they, very obediently, were sullen along with her. "I can't believe that jerk!" she glared at the cavern's wall, "What an idiotic dolt!" Merry and Pippin attempted a sullen, angry, "yeah" of agreeance. It didn't go as they had planned, so they tried a few more. While the two hobbits attempted shouting sullenly, an evil, manic grin spread over Phoenix's face. "Shut up, both of you. I'VE GOT IT!" she announced with glee, "I will spread ugly rumors about him!" Merry and Pippin put their practicing to the test, and very sullenly proclaimed, "YEAH!"
Gimli had grown bored and was speaking to Gandalf while he allowed Jewels and Maniac to braid his hair. Both of the girls declined after looking at his greasy, dirty hair. "So...." Gimli began, looking up at Gandalf, and then back at the floor, "You had a history with Saruman, didn't you?" Gandalf pouted and whined, "I don't wanna talk about it."
About ten minutes later, chaos broke loose. Boromir was becoming more and more frustrated as Phoenix began prancing about shouting, "Boromir slept with Elrond! I saw him! I saw him sneaking out of Elrond's room late at night! He told Elrond that he was so stern-looking and he thought that was very sexy!" and so on, while Merry and Pippin sullenly shouted "Yeah!" Frodo found himself attempting to comfort Gally, as she had broken down in tears because he wouldn't let her have an Altiod. Gimli continued to pry Gandalf for answers on the whole thing with him and Saruman, eventually causing Gandalf to shout, "Look, you annoying little prat, I don't want to talk about it! Have you got it? ! Shut your hole!" Legolas had finally let rip the statements he had mumbled to himself and at the top of his lungs shouted "MY ASS IS SWOLEN!" Maniac and Jewels toppled over each other with hysterical laughter.
Everyone else just sat there staring at the wall, because the author couldn't decide on anything better for them to do.
Anyway, a bit later, when everyone with the exception of Aragorn, the Goose, and Sam, who had been staring at the wall of the cave through the whole trip, was sullen, angry, and silent, the.... What was it? Fourteen or something? Anyway, they had arrived at their destination. This destination, for some reason, had a tombstone in the center of it.
"Well, that's rather morbid...." Gally remarked, to which Phoenix replied, "Tell me about it. I mean if their choice of décor was better.... Maybe it would work. But seriously, they could have done something to brighten up the place. A window, or maybe yellow wallpaper. They could at least weed out the skeleton in the corner." "But there IS a win-" "QUIET! I wish not to hear your ramblings!" And with that, Phoenix stalked over to the corner, which held the skeleton, Merry and Pippin by her side.
Gimli wandered in, his eyes wandering idly. He noticed a stand with a book and a pen on it. "Ah," he muttered to himself, "Guest book." He strolled over to the guest book and signed in as "Gimli, King of the Universe." "Hey, guys!" he called, "Come sign in as visitors of the tomb of...." his voice trailed off, and his eyes widened with shock. He screamed. He ran fled to the tomb, and sobbed on it. Gandalf leaned over and read the inscription on the tomb "Here lies Balin. That's right, Balin. Y'know, Gimli's cousin? The dude from 'The Hobbit'. No, no, not the leader, that was Thorin. Yeah, the other guy. That was Balin. He's dead now." He looked over at Gimli, and muttered, "Sucks to be you." He found Pippin and thrust his hat and staff in to the young hobbit's hand. Gandalf leaned against the wall of the cave. Pippin collapsed under the weight of the hat and staff. "Well, this is a real let down." The Wizard grumbled.
There was a terribly ghastly silence. Finally, Goose broke the silence. "Hey, don't you want to read from that moldy, old book or something? So we know what happened, or something?" "What's the point?! Here's the big surprise for all of you, they were killed by goblins." Pippin broke in to sobs. He was terrified. And what better way to calm your fears than by crying on the shoulder blade of a skeleton? Pippin jumped back as he realized this, and the skeleton toppled in to a well. The noise of the skeleton falling flooded the entire cavern. "Does it puzzle anyone," Jewels asked quizzically, "That a skeleton falling to the bottom of a well makes that much noise?"
There was no time to answer this question, as moment later, fleets of orcs came flooding in to the part of the cavern the Fellowship just happened to be lounging about in.
A fierce battle raged. Enough said. There were no odd antics, no comments, everyone was surrounded, everyone was too terrified to speak, and no one had any other choice but to fight.
Well, that's what one would think the situation would have been, but the egos of-ahem--certain men can never be judged, as they are infinitely expanding. Despite their readiness, the King of Gondor snatched up the hobbits, the girls, and the Goose and tossed them into a "safe haven." Said safe haven was actually just a corner that very few orcs occupied. Aragorn had attempted to do the same to Gandalf, but the old wizard threatened to do.... Some rather vulgar things to the Ranger's nether-regions.
THEN a fierce battle raged, and the fighting members of the Fellowship, or the "Freaking Fancy Fighters" as Aragorn later dubbed them, in spite of the protests of the other FFF's, did quiet well for pretty much of the time. At one point, Legolas had been given a wound, a he paused to rip the ear ring out of one of the goblin's ears and give to Gally as a token of his devotion. Gally was disgusted, and too busy cringing as she held it in her palm to warn her personal helper-elf of the creature about to jump on him.
The battle raged on like this for a matter of.... Well, to be perfectly honest, seconds. Only moments after the beginning of the battle, everyone stopped and shared a pot of sub-par coffee. One of the orcs looked up briefly from his cup and said to his friend, "Oh, Harry would love this! Yes.... Yes I do believe I'll go fetch him." Moments later the orc (who, by the way, was mot commonly known as Ooky) returned with "Harry," who in the end turned out to be a cave troll. A rather angry one at that. He was enraged, and in being so, found nothing better to do than bitch about how he had not been invited to this splendid battle. He, the great warrior Harry! How dare they!
Harry grabbed his trusty club and angrily marched up to one of the orcs. In a deep, gravely voice, he said to the orc, "Arnie! How.... Wha.... I! You bastard!" Tears fled from the great troll's eyes steadfastly. His anger- turned-to-sadness turned to anger again, and he viciously grabbed Arnie and flung him from the inner-cave hovel.
Yet another fierce battle raged. With Harry intent on giving his so-called "friends" their comeuppance, the Fellowship had an opportunity to make their getaway. We they would have, had Boromir not decided to seize the chance to put his whicker basket making abilities to work.
"Boro-dork!" Maniac shouted, "Hurry it up! What, do you WANT to die?"
Seconds later, she was hit in the head with a masterfully woven whicker basket. The others, whom were not rubbing their heads while curiously scowling at baskets on the cave floor, observed as Boromir wove with all his might, placing the strands over and under repetitively on an enormous frame. As he finished, he wheeled the basket over his head by the handle. He released the titanic weaving from his grip. It hap fully soared, hit the mighty Harry, and knocked him backwards. The beast's head beat against the cavern wall, rendering him unconscious. "He looks kinda cute when he' unconscious. Almost like a bulldog...." Maniac whispered to herself.
The others stared in amazement as the whicker basket flew, not unlike a boomerang, back to Boromir's fist.
"How did you...." Legolas attempted. A sweat-soaked Boromir dropped the over-sized basket and tossed Legolas's harp to him. He strode towards them, and as he pressed the forgotten banjo into the wizard's hand, he speedily breathed, "That is no matter of importance. Tally ho!"
A/N: I apologize to all those who enjoy whicker baskets and the making there of. Hear you me, it's harder than you'd think.
As one might imagine, the troupe was quite tired of walking perpetually. Thankfully, Moria came equipped with moving sidewalks. This enabled them travel at a very slow rate, and all in all, travel a distance in half an hour that could have easily been traveled within ten minutes had they been walking. But one does not normally let such trivial things bother them. Well, not NORMALLY, but this instance was not a particularly normal one. Gally was busy comforting a sore Legolas, whose rear hurt too much for him to sit. Gally was also frantically attempting to bum Altiods off of Frodo, who was not at all familiar with this strange word, "Altiod" and attempted to explain this to her. She refused to listen.
"Look Frodo-bo, darling," Gally complained, "You don't have to lie about it. If you don't want to give me an Altiod, just come right out and say it!" "No!" Frodo protested over the pained whines of Legolas, who softly remarked, "I can't believe this! My butt is swelling! Look at this! It's huge!" Frodo continued his protest, "Look, I don't know what the bloody hell you're talking about! Is that what you want hear, then fine. I don't want to give you one of those.... Things." Gally gasped with horror, and whined and nagged him about how horribly rude of him that was.
Phoenix was refusing to speak with Boromir, after he insulted sandals in their previous shoe-related conversation. She was extremely bitter about it, and sat for a bit complaining to Merry and Pippin. She was sullen, and they, very obediently, were sullen along with her. "I can't believe that jerk!" she glared at the cavern's wall, "What an idiotic dolt!" Merry and Pippin attempted a sullen, angry, "yeah" of agreeance. It didn't go as they had planned, so they tried a few more. While the two hobbits attempted shouting sullenly, an evil, manic grin spread over Phoenix's face. "Shut up, both of you. I'VE GOT IT!" she announced with glee, "I will spread ugly rumors about him!" Merry and Pippin put their practicing to the test, and very sullenly proclaimed, "YEAH!"
Gimli had grown bored and was speaking to Gandalf while he allowed Jewels and Maniac to braid his hair. Both of the girls declined after looking at his greasy, dirty hair. "So...." Gimli began, looking up at Gandalf, and then back at the floor, "You had a history with Saruman, didn't you?" Gandalf pouted and whined, "I don't wanna talk about it."
About ten minutes later, chaos broke loose. Boromir was becoming more and more frustrated as Phoenix began prancing about shouting, "Boromir slept with Elrond! I saw him! I saw him sneaking out of Elrond's room late at night! He told Elrond that he was so stern-looking and he thought that was very sexy!" and so on, while Merry and Pippin sullenly shouted "Yeah!" Frodo found himself attempting to comfort Gally, as she had broken down in tears because he wouldn't let her have an Altiod. Gimli continued to pry Gandalf for answers on the whole thing with him and Saruman, eventually causing Gandalf to shout, "Look, you annoying little prat, I don't want to talk about it! Have you got it? ! Shut your hole!" Legolas had finally let rip the statements he had mumbled to himself and at the top of his lungs shouted "MY ASS IS SWOLEN!" Maniac and Jewels toppled over each other with hysterical laughter.
Everyone else just sat there staring at the wall, because the author couldn't decide on anything better for them to do.
Anyway, a bit later, when everyone with the exception of Aragorn, the Goose, and Sam, who had been staring at the wall of the cave through the whole trip, was sullen, angry, and silent, the.... What was it? Fourteen or something? Anyway, they had arrived at their destination. This destination, for some reason, had a tombstone in the center of it.
"Well, that's rather morbid...." Gally remarked, to which Phoenix replied, "Tell me about it. I mean if their choice of décor was better.... Maybe it would work. But seriously, they could have done something to brighten up the place. A window, or maybe yellow wallpaper. They could at least weed out the skeleton in the corner." "But there IS a win-" "QUIET! I wish not to hear your ramblings!" And with that, Phoenix stalked over to the corner, which held the skeleton, Merry and Pippin by her side.
Gimli wandered in, his eyes wandering idly. He noticed a stand with a book and a pen on it. "Ah," he muttered to himself, "Guest book." He strolled over to the guest book and signed in as "Gimli, King of the Universe." "Hey, guys!" he called, "Come sign in as visitors of the tomb of...." his voice trailed off, and his eyes widened with shock. He screamed. He ran fled to the tomb, and sobbed on it. Gandalf leaned over and read the inscription on the tomb "Here lies Balin. That's right, Balin. Y'know, Gimli's cousin? The dude from 'The Hobbit'. No, no, not the leader, that was Thorin. Yeah, the other guy. That was Balin. He's dead now." He looked over at Gimli, and muttered, "Sucks to be you." He found Pippin and thrust his hat and staff in to the young hobbit's hand. Gandalf leaned against the wall of the cave. Pippin collapsed under the weight of the hat and staff. "Well, this is a real let down." The Wizard grumbled.
There was a terribly ghastly silence. Finally, Goose broke the silence. "Hey, don't you want to read from that moldy, old book or something? So we know what happened, or something?" "What's the point?! Here's the big surprise for all of you, they were killed by goblins." Pippin broke in to sobs. He was terrified. And what better way to calm your fears than by crying on the shoulder blade of a skeleton? Pippin jumped back as he realized this, and the skeleton toppled in to a well. The noise of the skeleton falling flooded the entire cavern. "Does it puzzle anyone," Jewels asked quizzically, "That a skeleton falling to the bottom of a well makes that much noise?"
There was no time to answer this question, as moment later, fleets of orcs came flooding in to the part of the cavern the Fellowship just happened to be lounging about in.
A fierce battle raged. Enough said. There were no odd antics, no comments, everyone was surrounded, everyone was too terrified to speak, and no one had any other choice but to fight.
Well, that's what one would think the situation would have been, but the egos of-ahem--certain men can never be judged, as they are infinitely expanding. Despite their readiness, the King of Gondor snatched up the hobbits, the girls, and the Goose and tossed them into a "safe haven." Said safe haven was actually just a corner that very few orcs occupied. Aragorn had attempted to do the same to Gandalf, but the old wizard threatened to do.... Some rather vulgar things to the Ranger's nether-regions.
THEN a fierce battle raged, and the fighting members of the Fellowship, or the "Freaking Fancy Fighters" as Aragorn later dubbed them, in spite of the protests of the other FFF's, did quiet well for pretty much of the time. At one point, Legolas had been given a wound, a he paused to rip the ear ring out of one of the goblin's ears and give to Gally as a token of his devotion. Gally was disgusted, and too busy cringing as she held it in her palm to warn her personal helper-elf of the creature about to jump on him.
The battle raged on like this for a matter of.... Well, to be perfectly honest, seconds. Only moments after the beginning of the battle, everyone stopped and shared a pot of sub-par coffee. One of the orcs looked up briefly from his cup and said to his friend, "Oh, Harry would love this! Yes.... Yes I do believe I'll go fetch him." Moments later the orc (who, by the way, was mot commonly known as Ooky) returned with "Harry," who in the end turned out to be a cave troll. A rather angry one at that. He was enraged, and in being so, found nothing better to do than bitch about how he had not been invited to this splendid battle. He, the great warrior Harry! How dare they!
Harry grabbed his trusty club and angrily marched up to one of the orcs. In a deep, gravely voice, he said to the orc, "Arnie! How.... Wha.... I! You bastard!" Tears fled from the great troll's eyes steadfastly. His anger- turned-to-sadness turned to anger again, and he viciously grabbed Arnie and flung him from the inner-cave hovel.
Yet another fierce battle raged. With Harry intent on giving his so-called "friends" their comeuppance, the Fellowship had an opportunity to make their getaway. We they would have, had Boromir not decided to seize the chance to put his whicker basket making abilities to work.
"Boro-dork!" Maniac shouted, "Hurry it up! What, do you WANT to die?"
Seconds later, she was hit in the head with a masterfully woven whicker basket. The others, whom were not rubbing their heads while curiously scowling at baskets on the cave floor, observed as Boromir wove with all his might, placing the strands over and under repetitively on an enormous frame. As he finished, he wheeled the basket over his head by the handle. He released the titanic weaving from his grip. It hap fully soared, hit the mighty Harry, and knocked him backwards. The beast's head beat against the cavern wall, rendering him unconscious. "He looks kinda cute when he' unconscious. Almost like a bulldog...." Maniac whispered to herself.
The others stared in amazement as the whicker basket flew, not unlike a boomerang, back to Boromir's fist.
"How did you...." Legolas attempted. A sweat-soaked Boromir dropped the over-sized basket and tossed Legolas's harp to him. He strode towards them, and as he pressed the forgotten banjo into the wizard's hand, he speedily breathed, "That is no matter of importance. Tally ho!"
A/N: I apologize to all those who enjoy whicker baskets and the making there of. Hear you me, it's harder than you'd think.