A/N: ok at first this might not seem s/v cause of the POV, but it seriously is. lol. i'm kinda following Haley's style just to experiment... sorry Haley!! lol. Here's part one. tell me what u think. ps- it hasn't been beta-ed yet. i'll edit it after it is.

Here In Heaven

I wonder if people remember me. I'm sure some do; the few that I can count on one hand. Everyone else? Each patient I've treated and person I've met? I don't know if I can depend on the fact that the memory of me still lingers in their mind.

Do you remember me?

You do, I'm almost certain.

But not in the way most people would like to be recalled.

Tell me honestly, when you think of me, who am I?

I know your answer. I'm the guy who was killed in his bathtub. The moron who got drunk and paid for it. The prime example of why not to bask your sorrows in alcohol when you find out your fiancé is an international super- spy.

At first, when I first arrived here I mean, I regretted it. I'd wish I had never picked up that telephone, never dialed that familiar number.

Slowly though, as time in my paradise passed and I watched her grieve and pity and eventually, gradually heal, I realized it was for the best. Had my death been prevented, she would have never discovered the truth and never would've been compelled to fight them.

I'm so incredibly proud of her for all she's done. I wished I could tell her that.

But at this point, I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here talking to you. Shouldn't I be off plucking a harp somewhere?

Well, I'm here to tell a story.

Angels see everything. Angels know the truth. Angels have plenty of stories.

[i][b] "Sydney, here's the counter mission: we go to Estonia. We've received intel…SD-6 most likely has it too. Sloane was probably planning to tell you about it later today, which is why I called you so early. In Estonia, there's a Rambaldi device hidden. This is the one that the intelligence world believes to be the one that brings together Rambaldi's major project in its entirety. We have to get it before SD-6. It's imperative." [/i][/b]

Every day I watched her.

Not from a cloud, though. Not fluttering merrily on silver wings through a bright blue oblivion.

Heaven, in actuality, isn't exactly how most people picture it. Describing it is irrelevant though, and I wouldn't be able to anyway, so let's move on with the story.

I watched her as she worked, so strong and brave and smart.

I watched her as she spent time with her friends, smiling but anxious.

Francie was starting a restaurant.

Will was… being my best friend Will. He was always getting himself into one situation or another. Now he was making the same mistakes I made and getting himself in way too far. But that's a story I'm sure you've heard told quite enough.

He loved Sydney, I'm sure of that too. She loved Will, but not in the way he would've hoped.

I watched as she slowly, very slowly and carefully, strengthened her relationship with her father.

I kept a close eye as she re-met her mother and was with her as she dealt with the emotions that arose because of it.

But my favorite aspect, and the one most ironic that I would enjoy, is when she is with her handler.

Michael Vaughn, I'd come to realize, was her escape, her freedom, her confidant, her happiness… the one she loved. I knew she felt guilty, like she should never love again after me.

Every day, I try to let her know she's wrong.

[i][b] "Vaughn, I'm in the room and I've found the safe. What should I be looking for?" [/i][/b]

I think sometimes she feels it, but I'm not positive. She hasn't said anything to him yet, and she doesn't do much to show her feelings.

She must still feel guilty. Otherwise, she'd screw the rules. Protocol was standing in her way, but the Sydney Bristow I'd known and loved, (and still do) wouldn't let something so easily defeated like that control her. So I knew something else must have been preventing her.

Something like me.

But I felt that very soon, all that would change. Something was going to happen, and she'd finally see that she didn't need to feel that way anymore. I couldn't be sure what would happen, but I sensed that it would be big and I'd have a large role in it.

[i][b] "It's just a tiny silver disk, the size of a quarter. Grab it and meet me at the extraction point… oh, no. Syd…? Syd! SYDNEY!" [/i][/b]

Time works differently here, you know. It exists only the way your mind creates it. If you want a day to go by, a day has gone by. If you want it to be next week or next minute even, it will be. But it doesn't effect time on earth. Although a week has gone by for me, I can watch and see that it's been only an hour on earth.

Like I said, can't explain it.

But three weeks passed for me during that one moment that I watched in disbelief and wonder.

[i][b] "Vaughn! Vaughn! Help- I'm… I'm down! The bullet got my thigh. I can't get away… please, come help me before they get back!" [/b][/i]

I felt the strangest emotions during those three weeks in a moment. I was terrified; I wanted them to live. But a feeling of hope drifted to my heart, wanting to see her again up close.

[i][b] "Syd- they found me! I'm down too…I'm so… sorry. I….can't….get to you…. They left me… they thought I was… dead… already. But they got… my stomach…. Syd, we'll… we'll… make it… somehow…. Don't worry…." [/b][/i]

And then there he was. Unmistakably him. He materialized before me, matted light brown hair and green eyes. The eyes were filled with confusion.

He looked up at me. "W… what happened…?"

"Michael Vaughn, I presume."