A troll wiped his nose with the disclaimer saying that I do not own any
characters depicted in X-Men: Evolution.
This story takes place after "The Toad, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," Pietro tries to motivate the Brotherhood to better cohesion with some old- fashioned Dungeons and Dragons. Never mind that this will make them even geekier than the X-Men.
Remy stood in the living room of the Brotherhood's house, giving them a progress report. He was less than thrilled with their latest performance, and he was letting them know about it in no uncertain terms.
"The bottom line is, Magneto is not satisfied with your progression. Right now, I'd say your chances at being admitted to his ranks are somewhere on the none side of slim. Just a little food for thought," Remy said haughtily, and walked out the door.
Lance slammed the door of the Bayville Boarding House that served as the Brotherhood's place of residence as Remy stepped down off the porch. He was getting tired of constantly being evaluated and told that they weren't good enough. And mostly, he was getting tired of Pietro. If he had had it his way, he would have been perfectly happy to just blow off Magneto completely and go back to school. Who knows, maybe he and Kitty would have been able to get back together. But ever since Pietro had come back to "lead" them, life among the Brotherhood had been less than pleasant.
Pietro got up and picked up where Remy left off. "You heard what the man said, you still aren't cutting it! Do you guys even WANT to join up with Magneto?"
"Now that you mention it." Lance said threateningly.
"I thought you did," said Pietro, ignoring Lance's hostile tone. "That's the way to show your determination, no matter how many times you keep failing. Now, I think I've been able to determine your key weakness,"
"We can't fly?" said Fred.
"Or shoot lasers out of our eyes?" asked Toad.
"Or that we have to put up with a sycophantic little troll for a leader?" Lance said.
"No, no, and no," said Pietro. "Your problem is that you don't have any sense of cohesion!"
"Hey," Toad interrupted. "What's with this 'your problem', yo? Ain't you a part of all this too?"
"Well, yes, but since I am in charge, I have to remain more, shall we say, detached from the rest of you. I'm sure you understand," "Sure we do," growled Lance.
"You know Lance, it's funny that you should mention trolls, because that brings me to how we're going to solve your, OUR cohesion problem,"
"Co-what?" asked Fred. "What's wrong with not having any Japanese people here?"
"Not ASIAN, Fred, you dolt! Co-HESION!" Pietro said snidely. "It means you don't stick together as a team. You're just a bunch of individuals. But we're going to solve that. Wait right here," he said, and dashed upstairs. A second later he had returned, carrying a large box. "Ok, gather 'round," he said, turning over the box and spilling its contents onto the floor.
"What is all this stuff, yo?" asked Toad, holding up one of the books that had fallen out of the box. It was labeled, "Monster's Compendium,"
"And what are these funny looking pebbles for?" asked Fred, fiddling with several small objects. They were all shaped to resemble different-sided polyhedrons and had numbers on the sides of them.
"They're not pebbles, Freddy, they're dice. We'll need them for a little game we're going to play. It's called 'Dungeons and Dragons'"
Lance looked at Pietro had gone insane. Pietro had cooked up a bunch of horrible training exercises before but this had to be the absolute worst.
"You HAVE to be kidding!" he said.
"Not at all! This will teach you to evaluate problems and make better decisions as a team," Pietro said.
"Come on, Pietro! Only little kids and nerds who still live in their parents' basements when they're in college play this game!" Lance protested.
"And so will we," Pietro said. "Now, everybody sit down and take a piece of paper, and we'll start drawing up your characters,"
"Come on, Lance," Fred said. "This won't be as bad as the other stuff he's had us do. It's not like he's asking us to build a tank or anything,"
Lance grumbled but decided to go along with the game for the time being.
"Ok, now the first step is to assign you what classes you will be,"
"Hey, wait a minute!" said Toad. "If this is gonna be like school then forget it!"
"No, Toad," Pietro said, trying to mask the impatience in his voice. "We're not talking about school. I'm going to give you a character to play of a certain race. For instance, you're going to be an elf,"
"No way!" said Toad. "I'm not gonna be a stinkin' elf, yo! I don't wanna wind up looking like Kurt!"
"Alright, fine," sighed Pietro. "You're a hobgoblin,"
"That's more like it," said Toad. "Um, what's a hobgoblin, anyway?"
"It's a cranky, disgusting creature that tends to attract insects," said Pietro.
"Hey, that's perfect!" said Toad.
"Right, Toad," Pietro said, and went on to Fred and Lance. Like Toad, he created characters that mirrored their real-life appearances, so Fred had been a half-giant while Lance had wound up as a Ranger.
"So what's your character, Pietro?" asked Fred.
"I'm the Dungeon Master. Think of me as the narrator. I moderate the action and control what's going on,"
"How appropriate," muttered Lance.
Pietro ignored Lance and got the game started. "Ok. You've been staying at an inn in a village for two nights. From all the conversations you've overheard, you've gathered that there's a castle a few miles north of the village that is the home of a huge treasure. It's a bright morning, the perfect day to go on a quest,"
"Well what are we waiting for?" asked Fred. "Let's go!"
Pietro rolled his eyes. This could be a long day. He decided to let them learn their lessons the hard way.
"Ok, you set out for the castle. A half-hour after you leave the village, you are set upon by a band of robbers. Since none of you are armed, you are unable to defend yourself and are all killed,"
"What?" shouted Toad.
"See, this is what I mean," said Pietro "You tend to rush into things without taking any time to plan them out. No wonder we've only beaten the X- Geeks once. Now, let's start over and try and think things through a little better,"
"Ok," sighed Lance, fairly certain that his plans for the rest of the day were ruined. "We go to a weapon shop and buy some gear,"
"Ok, that's more like it. Never undertake a quest without the proper equipment," said Pietro. "You walk into the sword smith's shop. There are weapons hanging on the walls, and there is a large log that serves as the shop-keeper's workbench," He then changed his voice. "Now, what will you be needing all these weapons for?" he asked, playing the role of the sword smith.
"We're going up to that castle to look for treasure, yo!" said Toad.
"Well," said Pietro, keeping up the character. "If you're heading up there, you'd best take along some mandrake brew. Rumor has it that there's a monster living there that can turn men into stone! I've sold weapons to many people who've tried to bring back that treasure, and none of them has returned,"
"How much is it?" asked Lance.
"I don't have any here; I sold my last batch to a band of youngsters who went up there two months ago. Funny group, they were. One of them looked kind of like a demon, and another had some strange-looking mask on over his eyes. Must have been magical,"
"Hey, that sounds like the X-Geeks, yo!" observed Toad.
"You didn't tell us you'd played this game with the X-geeks, Pietro!" said Fred.
"Jeez, Fred, relax! I was just trying to get creative!" Pietro said, breaking character. "Now can we get back to the game, please?"
"Fine. So what happened to them?" asked Lance.
"Well, I don't really know. You see, they never came back. I can only imagine that they got turned into stone just like everybody else, even with the mandrake brew. But there's always a chance that they're still alive and trapped in the dungeons in the castle's basement," Pietro said, getting back into character. "You know, those kids were travelers just like you, and I think they were pretty popular wherever it was they came from. If you were to rescue them, I'm sure you'd be well rewarded,"
"Rescue the X-geeks? You can't be serious," said Lance.
"Well, it's your quest, not mine," said Pietro. "Anyway, if you want to find some mandrake brew, I'd suggest you look here," Pietro sketched out a map on a piece of paper and handed it to Lance. "There's a witch who lives here that can make all sorts of potions. If I were you, I'd head there first,"
Pietro then proceeded to 'sell' weapons to the party, giving Lance a long sword and Toad a dagger, as well as armor for the both of them. "Unfortunately, I don't carry anything suitable for your giant,"
"No problem," said Fred. "I just pick up the work bench!"
"Good thinking, Fred," said Pietro, reverting to DM mode. "You pay for your purchases and leave, ignoring the shop keeper's protests. You are now ready to set out on your quest,"
Next time: The quest begins, and Wanda gets into the action.
This story takes place after "The Toad, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," Pietro tries to motivate the Brotherhood to better cohesion with some old- fashioned Dungeons and Dragons. Never mind that this will make them even geekier than the X-Men.
Remy stood in the living room of the Brotherhood's house, giving them a progress report. He was less than thrilled with their latest performance, and he was letting them know about it in no uncertain terms.
"The bottom line is, Magneto is not satisfied with your progression. Right now, I'd say your chances at being admitted to his ranks are somewhere on the none side of slim. Just a little food for thought," Remy said haughtily, and walked out the door.
Lance slammed the door of the Bayville Boarding House that served as the Brotherhood's place of residence as Remy stepped down off the porch. He was getting tired of constantly being evaluated and told that they weren't good enough. And mostly, he was getting tired of Pietro. If he had had it his way, he would have been perfectly happy to just blow off Magneto completely and go back to school. Who knows, maybe he and Kitty would have been able to get back together. But ever since Pietro had come back to "lead" them, life among the Brotherhood had been less than pleasant.
Pietro got up and picked up where Remy left off. "You heard what the man said, you still aren't cutting it! Do you guys even WANT to join up with Magneto?"
"Now that you mention it." Lance said threateningly.
"I thought you did," said Pietro, ignoring Lance's hostile tone. "That's the way to show your determination, no matter how many times you keep failing. Now, I think I've been able to determine your key weakness,"
"We can't fly?" said Fred.
"Or shoot lasers out of our eyes?" asked Toad.
"Or that we have to put up with a sycophantic little troll for a leader?" Lance said.
"No, no, and no," said Pietro. "Your problem is that you don't have any sense of cohesion!"
"Hey," Toad interrupted. "What's with this 'your problem', yo? Ain't you a part of all this too?"
"Well, yes, but since I am in charge, I have to remain more, shall we say, detached from the rest of you. I'm sure you understand," "Sure we do," growled Lance.
"You know Lance, it's funny that you should mention trolls, because that brings me to how we're going to solve your, OUR cohesion problem,"
"Co-what?" asked Fred. "What's wrong with not having any Japanese people here?"
"Not ASIAN, Fred, you dolt! Co-HESION!" Pietro said snidely. "It means you don't stick together as a team. You're just a bunch of individuals. But we're going to solve that. Wait right here," he said, and dashed upstairs. A second later he had returned, carrying a large box. "Ok, gather 'round," he said, turning over the box and spilling its contents onto the floor.
"What is all this stuff, yo?" asked Toad, holding up one of the books that had fallen out of the box. It was labeled, "Monster's Compendium,"
"And what are these funny looking pebbles for?" asked Fred, fiddling with several small objects. They were all shaped to resemble different-sided polyhedrons and had numbers on the sides of them.
"They're not pebbles, Freddy, they're dice. We'll need them for a little game we're going to play. It's called 'Dungeons and Dragons'"
Lance looked at Pietro had gone insane. Pietro had cooked up a bunch of horrible training exercises before but this had to be the absolute worst.
"You HAVE to be kidding!" he said.
"Not at all! This will teach you to evaluate problems and make better decisions as a team," Pietro said.
"Come on, Pietro! Only little kids and nerds who still live in their parents' basements when they're in college play this game!" Lance protested.
"And so will we," Pietro said. "Now, everybody sit down and take a piece of paper, and we'll start drawing up your characters,"
"Come on, Lance," Fred said. "This won't be as bad as the other stuff he's had us do. It's not like he's asking us to build a tank or anything,"
Lance grumbled but decided to go along with the game for the time being.
"Ok, now the first step is to assign you what classes you will be,"
"Hey, wait a minute!" said Toad. "If this is gonna be like school then forget it!"
"No, Toad," Pietro said, trying to mask the impatience in his voice. "We're not talking about school. I'm going to give you a character to play of a certain race. For instance, you're going to be an elf,"
"No way!" said Toad. "I'm not gonna be a stinkin' elf, yo! I don't wanna wind up looking like Kurt!"
"Alright, fine," sighed Pietro. "You're a hobgoblin,"
"That's more like it," said Toad. "Um, what's a hobgoblin, anyway?"
"It's a cranky, disgusting creature that tends to attract insects," said Pietro.
"Hey, that's perfect!" said Toad.
"Right, Toad," Pietro said, and went on to Fred and Lance. Like Toad, he created characters that mirrored their real-life appearances, so Fred had been a half-giant while Lance had wound up as a Ranger.
"So what's your character, Pietro?" asked Fred.
"I'm the Dungeon Master. Think of me as the narrator. I moderate the action and control what's going on,"
"How appropriate," muttered Lance.
Pietro ignored Lance and got the game started. "Ok. You've been staying at an inn in a village for two nights. From all the conversations you've overheard, you've gathered that there's a castle a few miles north of the village that is the home of a huge treasure. It's a bright morning, the perfect day to go on a quest,"
"Well what are we waiting for?" asked Fred. "Let's go!"
Pietro rolled his eyes. This could be a long day. He decided to let them learn their lessons the hard way.
"Ok, you set out for the castle. A half-hour after you leave the village, you are set upon by a band of robbers. Since none of you are armed, you are unable to defend yourself and are all killed,"
"What?" shouted Toad.
"See, this is what I mean," said Pietro "You tend to rush into things without taking any time to plan them out. No wonder we've only beaten the X- Geeks once. Now, let's start over and try and think things through a little better,"
"Ok," sighed Lance, fairly certain that his plans for the rest of the day were ruined. "We go to a weapon shop and buy some gear,"
"Ok, that's more like it. Never undertake a quest without the proper equipment," said Pietro. "You walk into the sword smith's shop. There are weapons hanging on the walls, and there is a large log that serves as the shop-keeper's workbench," He then changed his voice. "Now, what will you be needing all these weapons for?" he asked, playing the role of the sword smith.
"We're going up to that castle to look for treasure, yo!" said Toad.
"Well," said Pietro, keeping up the character. "If you're heading up there, you'd best take along some mandrake brew. Rumor has it that there's a monster living there that can turn men into stone! I've sold weapons to many people who've tried to bring back that treasure, and none of them has returned,"
"How much is it?" asked Lance.
"I don't have any here; I sold my last batch to a band of youngsters who went up there two months ago. Funny group, they were. One of them looked kind of like a demon, and another had some strange-looking mask on over his eyes. Must have been magical,"
"Hey, that sounds like the X-Geeks, yo!" observed Toad.
"You didn't tell us you'd played this game with the X-geeks, Pietro!" said Fred.
"Jeez, Fred, relax! I was just trying to get creative!" Pietro said, breaking character. "Now can we get back to the game, please?"
"Fine. So what happened to them?" asked Lance.
"Well, I don't really know. You see, they never came back. I can only imagine that they got turned into stone just like everybody else, even with the mandrake brew. But there's always a chance that they're still alive and trapped in the dungeons in the castle's basement," Pietro said, getting back into character. "You know, those kids were travelers just like you, and I think they were pretty popular wherever it was they came from. If you were to rescue them, I'm sure you'd be well rewarded,"
"Rescue the X-geeks? You can't be serious," said Lance.
"Well, it's your quest, not mine," said Pietro. "Anyway, if you want to find some mandrake brew, I'd suggest you look here," Pietro sketched out a map on a piece of paper and handed it to Lance. "There's a witch who lives here that can make all sorts of potions. If I were you, I'd head there first,"
Pietro then proceeded to 'sell' weapons to the party, giving Lance a long sword and Toad a dagger, as well as armor for the both of them. "Unfortunately, I don't carry anything suitable for your giant,"
"No problem," said Fred. "I just pick up the work bench!"
"Good thinking, Fred," said Pietro, reverting to DM mode. "You pay for your purchases and leave, ignoring the shop keeper's protests. You are now ready to set out on your quest,"
Next time: The quest begins, and Wanda gets into the action.