Confessions
Author: Bonita
E-mail: LaBonita409@aol.com
Rated: NC-17
Summary: Max and Logan tell each other how the truly feel.(takes place after freak of nation)
Authors Note: Please don't read if under 18...don't say I didn't warn you!!!
Please send feedback it's my first fic I need to know what you think. Feel free to e-mail my telling me what you think.
Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel...I 'm just borrowing the characters for my story.

Chapter 11

It's been a year and I haven't seen Logan and I just drop of Ben and pick him up but never wanting to see Logan...I want to forget about him I want him to be safe. Thank God Ben is too young to be affected by this. I love him more than everything. I've gone back to being Maria but Logan doesn't know that. I take Ben with me to work and Julie watches out for him during my shift and then I take care of him.

I'm in the apartment were I used to live when I was pregnant, and I received a letter from Original Cindy.

Hey Boo,

I really miss you but I'll see you this weekend at my wedding with Rachel. I want you to come Friday with Ben so we can go dress buying and we can talk. You and Kendra are going to be my maids of honor, Alec is going to be there and oh yeah...LOGAN, but it's okay Joshua said he'd love to baby sit Ben. PLEASE COME.

Original Cindy

//Logan is going to be there? Why is my heart beating so fast? Is he with somebody? Does he hate me?//

~~~THE NEXT DAY~~~

I got in Julie's car and drove to Cindy's place with Ben in the car seat next to me, he fell asleep as  it was a hour long trip. He looks so much like Logan. // Max you need to focus on the road. Logan's going to be there. I miss him... I still love him a year passed and I still love him.//
I grabbed Ben in my arms and headed to Original Cindy's apartment. I knocked on the door and when Cindy opened the door I hugged Cindy and Ben started screaming.

"Auntie Cindy"

"Hey Little boo." She hugged him back and we entered the apartment.

I saw Rachel inside and I hugged her too. "Hey Rachel congratulations you two." Ben played with Rachel and me and Cindy sat down and started talking. "I'm so happy for you boo...you finally found the right person."

"You too but you just keep running away from him... even through I know why you do it, I still wouldn't leave."

"How is he?"

"The same way you are, eyes tell me you are boo."

"But enough let's go shopping for dress."

"Oh I already have it I just wanted to see you and talk to you."

"Oh." We all talked until early in the morning then I told Rachel and Cindy to get their beauty rest for the wedding tonight and I slept with Ben in my old room."

Cindy and Rachel awoke at 5:00 in the afternoon and I was already awake feeding Ben dinner when they awoke. I took a shower and got Ben ready to take to Joshua. And I started getting dressed in the black strapless dress that the bridesmaid had to wear. I left me long hair down and in curls and went to go see if Cindy or Rachel needed help. I helped Rachel do her hair and make-up and she put on her wedding gown.

Cindy looked really pretty in her simple white dress with her hair down Rachel looked pretty too, she was a beautiful woman with Cindy complexion and long straight hair. Then moments later Kendra knocked on the door she had the same dress I had on with her hair up and I gave her a hug.

"Hey Max...everyone ready....Alec is already in the hotel waiting for you guys."

"Yeah we're all ready" I replied we all left in Julie's car and I dropped Ben off with Joshua. And headed toward the hotel.

I saw Alec and gave him a hug. "Long time no see...sis."

"I know, sorry."

Then I walked in further and saw Sebastian and Logan talking. //God he looked the same, he looked so good. He didn't seem to notice me yet so I stood there staring at him I missed him so much. I love him so much maybe I should run before he sees me.//

"Max" Sebastian yells.

//Too late// "Hi" I walk over to him and Logan looks at me our eyes met but before I can read them I lower my eyes.

"Hi" Logan said and before he could say more Kendra walks in saying that the wedding needs to start. We all take our place and I walk down the isle first then Kendra. Cindy and Rachel come out holding hands. I feel Logan's eyes piercing me throughout the whole ceremony. Logan and I make eye contact a couple of times but I lower my eyes in shame, pain and love. Sebastian marries them and the hotel tells us that there is a no charge reception they have organized for the newlyweds we all walk into the room very nicely decorated. With ribbons, there's music being played and tables full with food.

I walk toward Cindy and Rachel. "Here boo, it's my gift to you."

"They're keys Max."

"Yeah your honeymoon suite...fifth floor room c...it's paid for a week and all room service is paid too."

They give me a hug and I walk toward a table and sit down...I hear Mariah Carey's voice start to play in the background. Logan walks up to me and holds his hand out to me. I take it and we start to slow dance to the song.

I am thinking of you
in my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
then my heart just won't let me be right
'cause I've drowned in you
and I won't pull through
without you by my side

He holds me tightly and I feel his breath on my neck I start shivering from the tightness of our bodies. I try to separate a little but somehow I don't want to...and he's holding me so tightly. I see Cindy looking at us and she winks. I nod no to her. //Nothing is going to happen between Logan and me...nothing is going to happen it's just a dance.//

I'd give my all to have
just one more night with you I'd  risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for you love tonight

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing you on tonight

Logan starts rubbing my back and I start shivering at this more noticeably, I felt like my legs were jelly, I try to regain control of my body but can't as Logan starts kissing my neck, I close my eyes enjoying his attention //Don't stop Logan...Max snap out of it// and then I pull away.

"No...it's just a dance."

"Okay...sorry." I grab his hand again and we continue to dance.

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
Give my all for you love
Tonight

I separated from Logan and my body is burning from the lost, I was about to leave when Logan's voice stopped me.

"We should talk about the whole Ben and how we're handling the situation... why don't we go to my place and talk about it."

"Okay." I said softly, I hopped in Julie's car and left to Logan's.

***FOGGLE TOWERS***

We arrived at the apartment and it still seemed the same. I saw our wedding picture on the table and felt like crying.//Max run, run.// But I didn't, I stood there and walked in after him.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"No..."I stood and he came out the kitchen with wine in his hands. "So what did you want to talk about." He put the glasses on the table and he lunged at me and kissed me. I kissed him back and opened my mouth allowing him access. //God Max run...// I can't, I missed him to much to separate from him, I kissed him back and noticed I was walking backwards then I fell on top of the bed, Logan fell on top of me and we still didn't break the kiss.

We pushed ourselves higher in the bed and he slowly started unzipping my dress and started taking off his tux, he took off my bra and panties and threw them to an unknown location and I did the same with his clothes. I needed to feel his soft silky skin. I laid on his bed naked and him on top of me.I felt his erection on my thigh and he separated my legs and with a smooth movement entered me. I grabbed his back feeling him filling me, I left scores down his back. We stood like that long moments and then he started moving inside of me with soft long strokes not wanting this moment to end, prolonging it, he started kissing my neck and sucking on it and kept doing his long smooth strokes. I moaned softly grabbed his back and stroked it. //His skin is so soft and addicting.// He kept stroking and started biting me, then he started speeding up a little bit and thrust himself deeper and deeper. I moaned louder and he moaned too. I started stroking his back harder. He nibbled on my neck and bit slightly on it to keep from screaming . He sped up the pace and thrusted harder and harder, faster and faster, but somehow he was still gentle. I felt myself climax and he did one last hard yet gentle thrust and we exploded together. He kissed me and we rolled sideways with him still in me. He closed his eyes while stroking my hair.

The realization of what happened hit me. //We came up here to talk and ended up making love.// Thinking Logan was asleep, I was about to leave and separate from him when Logan woke up and held me tightly and started moving in me slowly. He held me strongly and I wrapped my legs around him. He looks at my eyes and kisses me as he hold me tightly while we're lying sideways, he kisses my neck and I close me eyes enjoying him. He kisses me and massages my tongue with his and I use my legs to pull he in closer and deeper in me. //I need more of Logan...I need to feel him deeper...don't ever stop.// "More" I moan lightly. He thrust in me softly and strongly. I moan and he keeps going. He looks in my eyes and kisses me more fiercely, I close my eyes and enjoy these moments with Logan in me. "Deeper Logan, deeper." I start climaxing as he thrusts in me again, minutes later I find release again and then Logan thrust one more time as he pours himself in me. We both lie there slick with sweat and he holds me tightly still in me and to exhausted to move or talk we both go to sleep.

I woke up first, I was about to leave again and Logan rolled over to be on top. He kisses me softly and we're tangled in the sheets. He kisses me and we roll over so I can be on top and with all these movement he's still in me. //I just want to ride you.// I start moving my pelvic in large circles. He leans up and kisses me then my neck and then lower to my breast. He starts playing with them and I throw my head back in pleasure of our love making, I start moving up and down and doing large circles I start climaxing and Logan is not far behind. I keep going and we both climax together. I clasp on his chest and he kisses my lips and strokes my hair then falls asleep. I get up and fix my wild hair, get dressed and leave.

I picked up Ben and told Joshua that I was going to stay housekeeping for Cindy if he needed me. I took a sleeping Ben into my arms and put him in the car seat then drove to Cindy's.

I put him in bed and took a shower and sat watching TV. I couldn't sleep //How could I lose control like that?... how did I give into him so easily? He still has control over me...I still love him...why did I do that...god what I said nothing was gonna happen and something did.// Then I heard someone knocking on the door. //Maybe it's Joshua.// I looked at the clock it read 7:35 I opened the door and saw Logan standing there.

"Why'd you leave?"

"I had to pick up Ben...''

He cut me off "No... why'd you leave?... tonight you proved to me you loved me... we made love Max."

//Make up on excuse for making love to him Max.// "I was in heat."

"Don't give me that...I know how you are when you're in heat...that wasn't it." He walked in and started walking forward, each time he got closer to me I took a step back until he had me trapped at a wall. "Tell me that what you feel right now is heat." He leaned down and the breath was on my lips, driving me crazy. "Why'd you leave?"

I looked in his eyes and felt captured. He leaned down and kissed me, he started massaging his tongue with mine and he picked me up and carried me to Rachel's room he laid me down on the bed then locked the door and walked over to me again. He started talking off his clothes very gently and then when finished pulled me up from the bed and took mine off. He laid me down again and then laid on top off me and started kissing my neck. "So why'd you leave?" He asked while interrupting his kisses with little bites.

He looked at me then leaned down and looked into my eyes " It wasn't working out between us" I said looking everywhere in the room but his eyes. I looked into his eyes and saw he wasn't buying my story. "That day when you left I heard two people in the hallway I grabbed Ben and hid in a vent and saw it was the same two guards that were after me...so I ran like always... I ran." I paused and looked into his eyes.

He suddenly leaned down and kissed me. Moments later he separated "So you ran in order to protect me again."

I looked down trying to get away from his piercing gaze. "I ran because it was the best thing."
He then leans down and starts kissing me again and I then realized that I was about to give in again. "Wait we can't do this... it's a mistake"

"Max let me just make love to you." I felt his erection grow and I separated my legs and let him  in.

He slowly made his way in me, he grabbed my back and gripped me tightly and I held on to his back. He thrusted slowly and I moaned lightly, he moaned my name lightly and then after staying in this torturing pace a long while he sped up and started thrusting deeper and faster. He leaned down and kissed me passionately enough to take me over the edge. I moaned lightly remembering Ben was in the other room and seconds later Logan moaned my name and clasped on me but rolled over and stroked my back as he fell asleep. I got up from the bed and put on my pajamas back on and left the room to enter the living room. I sat at the corner and tucked myself into a ball. I needed to think.
//God Max again you lost control. What am I going to tell him when he gets up.// I heard the door click open and saw Logan looking at me. He saw the look of regret I had on my face. He walked over to me pulled me up from the wall trapping me between the wall and his body, the he said "Max" he said holding my face in his hands. "I told you whatever happens we can face it together...for better or worse."

"It doesn't change anything you live here and I live over there."

"How can you say nothing changes when we just finished making love... I know you love me..." I looked down not wanting to look at him any longer but he held my face in his hands. "I know you love me." he repeated again. "I felt it in the way you didn't deny yourself to me...the way your body started shaking under my kisses... the way we fit so perfectly together... the way your skin feels when I touch you... Max I need you...Max I love..."

I cut him off " Why because of good sex?" // God I hope this works... push him away Max.//

"Your not going to win... I'm not letting you leave again." He stared so deep in my eyes that he read my soul. "Max you're telling me one thing and your eyes say something else... Max you need me as much as I need you, forget about Manicore and come back with me... so we can be a family again."

"Logan" I said softly.

"Yeah."

"Okay... but after tomorrow... Ben's already sleeping."

"Max please keep your promise this time... don't keep torturing me any more."

"I won't... I promise... I need you too."

He kissed me again and I heard Ben crying I ran to the room and saw him awake. We must have awoken him with all the screaming. Logan stepped into the room behind me and Ben saw him and shouted.

"Daaaaadddddddyyyyyy." He lounged into Logan's arms.

"Hey Ben."

"Mommie I hungry''

"He takes after you Max." Logan makes pancakes and Ben ate them.

After that Logan got Bem'ss clothes and mine and we went back home the three of us.


TBC...