Disclaimer: Same as before.
Now we get somewhere. ;) Sorry for the upcoming excessive use of the word "Elbereth". It's supposed to be like saying "Oh Jesus." If anyone knows any other Elvish gods or Elvish swear words, feel free to pass them on. Thanks.
Ch 3
Across the Homely House, Legolas reclined on a couch just outside Elrond's study. He sipped his Pinot Grigio and closed his eyes. This was living. He had somehow managed to sneak out of the singing fest in the Hall of Fire and was greatly enjoying his down time and glass of wine. What he needed was something to take his mind away from Mordor and the task ahead of him. The idea of representing his race on a journey that would determine the future of Middle Earth scared him slightly. The wine cured him of much of that, if only for that evening. His bliss was suddenly interrupted by the sound of footsteps and a chuckle down the hall. Legolas opened his eyes to find Glorfindel heading towards him. "Good evening, Legolas," said Glorfindel with a smile. "How are you doing?" "Just fine," Legolas replied. "What are you so happy about?" Glorfindel giggled like a schoolgirl and plopped down on the couch next to Legolas. "If I tell you, you can't tell anyone." "I won't tell." Legolas eyed Glorfindel warily. He took a sip of his wine, then put the glass on the floor. Glorfindel looked over his shoulder to make sure that no one was in the hall but them. Then he leaned close to Legolas's ear. "Lord Elrond," he whispered, "has got a whore in his room." Legolas nearly sprayed his wine all over Glorfindel. He cupped his hand to his mouth and swallowed quickly. "You have to be kidding me, Glorfindel," he cried. Glorfindel's eyes danced. "I'm not," he replied through snickers. "He asked for a drink and I got him a whore." Legolas doubled over with laughter and slapped Glorfindel on the back. "You bastard!" He laughed and wiped his eyes. "I can't believe you got Lord Elrond a whore! Can't say the elf didn't need to be loosened up, though." "That's exactly what I thought," replied Glorfindel. "Did you see him at council today?" asked Legolas. "He looked like someone had shoved a rod up his ass." At this statement, both elves fell into fits of hysterics, and neither could speak for a few moments. "Sweet Elbereth," swore Legolas when speaking was once again possible for him. "Of all the elves in Middle Earth, Elrond is the one I'd least expect to get down with a hooker. I thought he was still pining over Celebrian." "Oh yeah," answered Glorfindel heartily. "He gave me some lame excuse that he wasn't going to have sex with her, but trust me, if I know this girl, she's banging him as we speak." "Damn. A human?" said Legolas. "Who is she?" "This girl who came with the men from Minas Tirith. She's quite famous out there. Perhaps you've heard of her? Margarita?" Suddenly, Legolas's smile faded and his face turned the color of sour milk. "Mar. Margarita?" he stammered. "Yeah," Glorfindel said. "Why? Have you banged her before?" "NO!" Legolas shouted quickly and leapt to his feet. "I. I have to go now." And with that he turned and raced down the hall.
* * *
Legolas's blond hair fell in his eyes and he pushed it away angrily. He made a quick left and, when he was sure that Glorfindel wasn't following him, stopped to catch his breath. What was she doing here? How could she do this to him? This could ruin everything. Legolas paced the hallway from wall to wall and ran his hands through his hair. She was in Elrond's room at that moment. And what if she started talking? And what if she mentioned.? Oh Elbereth! Legolas's mind raced and his breath caught in his chest. What was he going to do about this? She was going to tell him, Legolas was sure of it. His most dreaded secret would be revealed. Legolas Greenleaf, Elf- prince of Mirkwood, was dating a human. And not just any human: a prostitute. If she told Elrond, he wouldn't think a thing of it and would mention it to Glorfindel, who'd mention it to Aragorn and so on until it reached Thranduil, and then- Legolas clapped a hand to his forehead- and THEN his life would be over. If Legolas's father found out that he was seeing a human, he would lock him in Mirkwood and marry him off to some horrid, sheep-like maiden with no brain in her head at all. Legolas shuddered and hugged himself. What was he to do about this indeed? He couldn't just walk in there while the Lord of Rivendell was screwing his girlfriend. But how was he going to tell her not to say anything? I'll just have to get someone to go in there and tell her, Legolas thought. But who would be stupid enough to walk in on THAT? As if on cue, Legolas's eyes caught a bit of brown hair as its owner hopped along the far end of the hall. Legolas grinned. "Oh Figwit." he called. The figure stopped moving. "Oh hi Legolas," Figwit replied cheerfully. "How are you?" The two elves met in the middle of the hallway. "I'm doing just fine, Figwit," said Legolas. "I was wondering, my dear friend, if you could possibly do me a favor." "Sure," Figwit said with a nod. "What do you want me to do?" "Well." Legolas bent down and lowered his voice. "You know where Lord Elrond's room is, right?" "Yeah." "Good. Well, I need you to relay a message to someone in there." Figwit frowned. "But Lord Elrond seems upset. He needs rest." "No, no, the message is for someone else in there, not Elrond himself," said Legolas. "Just go in there and tell the lady not to mention. 'you-know-who'." Figwit cocked an eyebrow. "Who?" "Me, technically," replied Legolas, "but you can't mention my name, no matter what happens." "Why not?" questioned Figwit. "Don't worry about it. As far as you know, I don't exist. Just tell her exactly, 'an elf wants to let you know not to say anything about you-know- who'." Legolas nodded his head. "She'll know who you're talking about. I hope." He grinned. "So can you do that for me?" "I guess so." "Good," interrupted Legolas and, gripping Figwit's arm, dragged him to Elrond's room. Dumping him right outside the door, Legolas backed away slowly. "Now remember," he said, " 'an elf wants to let you know not to say anything about you-know-who.' Say exactly that and then leave." " 'An elf wants to let you know not to say anything about you-know-who,'" Figwit repeated. "Yes. Good. Thank you for doing this for me." Legolas settled himself in an armchair a few feet away from Elrond's door. "Oh, by the way," said Legolas as he crossed his legs, "they may be doing some. strange things in there. Just ignore it. If you can." Figwit's enormous eyes glowed like light bulbs. He gulped and stared at the doorknob.
Now we get somewhere. ;) Sorry for the upcoming excessive use of the word "Elbereth". It's supposed to be like saying "Oh Jesus." If anyone knows any other Elvish gods or Elvish swear words, feel free to pass them on. Thanks.
Ch 3
Across the Homely House, Legolas reclined on a couch just outside Elrond's study. He sipped his Pinot Grigio and closed his eyes. This was living. He had somehow managed to sneak out of the singing fest in the Hall of Fire and was greatly enjoying his down time and glass of wine. What he needed was something to take his mind away from Mordor and the task ahead of him. The idea of representing his race on a journey that would determine the future of Middle Earth scared him slightly. The wine cured him of much of that, if only for that evening. His bliss was suddenly interrupted by the sound of footsteps and a chuckle down the hall. Legolas opened his eyes to find Glorfindel heading towards him. "Good evening, Legolas," said Glorfindel with a smile. "How are you doing?" "Just fine," Legolas replied. "What are you so happy about?" Glorfindel giggled like a schoolgirl and plopped down on the couch next to Legolas. "If I tell you, you can't tell anyone." "I won't tell." Legolas eyed Glorfindel warily. He took a sip of his wine, then put the glass on the floor. Glorfindel looked over his shoulder to make sure that no one was in the hall but them. Then he leaned close to Legolas's ear. "Lord Elrond," he whispered, "has got a whore in his room." Legolas nearly sprayed his wine all over Glorfindel. He cupped his hand to his mouth and swallowed quickly. "You have to be kidding me, Glorfindel," he cried. Glorfindel's eyes danced. "I'm not," he replied through snickers. "He asked for a drink and I got him a whore." Legolas doubled over with laughter and slapped Glorfindel on the back. "You bastard!" He laughed and wiped his eyes. "I can't believe you got Lord Elrond a whore! Can't say the elf didn't need to be loosened up, though." "That's exactly what I thought," replied Glorfindel. "Did you see him at council today?" asked Legolas. "He looked like someone had shoved a rod up his ass." At this statement, both elves fell into fits of hysterics, and neither could speak for a few moments. "Sweet Elbereth," swore Legolas when speaking was once again possible for him. "Of all the elves in Middle Earth, Elrond is the one I'd least expect to get down with a hooker. I thought he was still pining over Celebrian." "Oh yeah," answered Glorfindel heartily. "He gave me some lame excuse that he wasn't going to have sex with her, but trust me, if I know this girl, she's banging him as we speak." "Damn. A human?" said Legolas. "Who is she?" "This girl who came with the men from Minas Tirith. She's quite famous out there. Perhaps you've heard of her? Margarita?" Suddenly, Legolas's smile faded and his face turned the color of sour milk. "Mar. Margarita?" he stammered. "Yeah," Glorfindel said. "Why? Have you banged her before?" "NO!" Legolas shouted quickly and leapt to his feet. "I. I have to go now." And with that he turned and raced down the hall.
* * *
Legolas's blond hair fell in his eyes and he pushed it away angrily. He made a quick left and, when he was sure that Glorfindel wasn't following him, stopped to catch his breath. What was she doing here? How could she do this to him? This could ruin everything. Legolas paced the hallway from wall to wall and ran his hands through his hair. She was in Elrond's room at that moment. And what if she started talking? And what if she mentioned.? Oh Elbereth! Legolas's mind raced and his breath caught in his chest. What was he going to do about this? She was going to tell him, Legolas was sure of it. His most dreaded secret would be revealed. Legolas Greenleaf, Elf- prince of Mirkwood, was dating a human. And not just any human: a prostitute. If she told Elrond, he wouldn't think a thing of it and would mention it to Glorfindel, who'd mention it to Aragorn and so on until it reached Thranduil, and then- Legolas clapped a hand to his forehead- and THEN his life would be over. If Legolas's father found out that he was seeing a human, he would lock him in Mirkwood and marry him off to some horrid, sheep-like maiden with no brain in her head at all. Legolas shuddered and hugged himself. What was he to do about this indeed? He couldn't just walk in there while the Lord of Rivendell was screwing his girlfriend. But how was he going to tell her not to say anything? I'll just have to get someone to go in there and tell her, Legolas thought. But who would be stupid enough to walk in on THAT? As if on cue, Legolas's eyes caught a bit of brown hair as its owner hopped along the far end of the hall. Legolas grinned. "Oh Figwit." he called. The figure stopped moving. "Oh hi Legolas," Figwit replied cheerfully. "How are you?" The two elves met in the middle of the hallway. "I'm doing just fine, Figwit," said Legolas. "I was wondering, my dear friend, if you could possibly do me a favor." "Sure," Figwit said with a nod. "What do you want me to do?" "Well." Legolas bent down and lowered his voice. "You know where Lord Elrond's room is, right?" "Yeah." "Good. Well, I need you to relay a message to someone in there." Figwit frowned. "But Lord Elrond seems upset. He needs rest." "No, no, the message is for someone else in there, not Elrond himself," said Legolas. "Just go in there and tell the lady not to mention. 'you-know-who'." Figwit cocked an eyebrow. "Who?" "Me, technically," replied Legolas, "but you can't mention my name, no matter what happens." "Why not?" questioned Figwit. "Don't worry about it. As far as you know, I don't exist. Just tell her exactly, 'an elf wants to let you know not to say anything about you-know- who'." Legolas nodded his head. "She'll know who you're talking about. I hope." He grinned. "So can you do that for me?" "I guess so." "Good," interrupted Legolas and, gripping Figwit's arm, dragged him to Elrond's room. Dumping him right outside the door, Legolas backed away slowly. "Now remember," he said, " 'an elf wants to let you know not to say anything about you-know-who.' Say exactly that and then leave." " 'An elf wants to let you know not to say anything about you-know-who,'" Figwit repeated. "Yes. Good. Thank you for doing this for me." Legolas settled himself in an armchair a few feet away from Elrond's door. "Oh, by the way," said Legolas as he crossed his legs, "they may be doing some. strange things in there. Just ignore it. If you can." Figwit's enormous eyes glowed like light bulbs. He gulped and stared at the doorknob.