Chapter Four
In which Severus remembers a lot more
Hermione was forced to apparate to her office that morning, which was never something that she enjoyed, but she would have been late otherwise. She stashed her satchel underneath her desk, knowing that Snape would be there promptly when the offices opened for the day. He was a man with a limited amount of time and not likely to be late. She pulled a few pages of notes from her bag and began going over them while she waited, which was not long.
The knock at her door was almost painfully loud, not to mention impatient and terse. She frowned, momentarily picturing an aged wizard knocking on a round door with his staff, an image from one of her favorite muggle children's books. She shook her head. The wizard on the other side of that door was neither old nor likely to be bearing a staff.
"Yes?" she called, shuffling her notes.
Severus walked into her office and sank into the chair in front of her temporarily rather untidy desk without a word.
"Good morning ... Severus."
"Hermione." he acknowledged.
"You never killed anyone in anything less than a fair fight, did you?" she accused, not waiting for him to become too comfortable.
"I beg your pardon," he said with some annoyance, "but I believe we have covered that already."
"You were an accomplice, and perhaps an at least half willing one, but you never murdered anyone single-handed, did you?"
He looked uncertain. Even as he sneered at her, the look in his eyes was one of hesitance.
"No." he answered.
"I am much relieved." she said.
"But I allowed it to happen."
"That brings up some interesting questions. Did you stand by and allow Voldemort to kill James and Lily Potter?"
"I had already ... altered my loyalties by then. I wasn't present that night. It can be verified I'm sure." he answered.
"But did you know about it?" she pressed, wanting to put an end to certain doubts Remus had cast into her mind.
"Everyone knew that they were his enemies. They were hiding from him. How could anyone have not known that he would go after them eventually?" he questioned sharply.
"And?"
"No, I didn't know. I only suspected ... and maybe I should have told someone, but at the time ... it didn't seem as though ... I never thought it would be then. I never realized that Peter Pettigrew could or would betray them like that, even if his loyalties were even more uncertain than mine." stated Severus painfully.
"Good." Hermione nodded.
"And, yes, maybe I didn't care." Severus added, shaking his head. "You must make quite the prosecuting attorney." he commented dryly, recovering and returning to his usual demeanor.
"Thank you ... I think." said Hermione. She glanced at the Pensieve that she kept in a little case on her bookshelf. "You know, it might be a little more helpful if we went for a walk, especially if you aren't going to be entirely objective about the past."
"And a walk would fix that?" he asked sourly.
"Perhaps."
"Where will we be walking then?" Severus questioned.
"Down memory lane, if you don't object too strenuously." she said, leaving her seat to retrieve the Pensieve.
Snape looked uneasy as she drew the stone basin from its glass cupboard. It was not an especially easy thing to ask of anyone. It was very difficult to ask it of someone so secretive as Severus Snape. Hermione knew that and made light of the request for that very reason. She had never cared for Pensieves herself, using hers only once or twice since she had acquired it.
"Why?" he questioned as she set the Pensieve on her desk between them.
"Because I don't think you're telling me as much as you could. And I want very much to help you."
"I don't believe I can manage this without a wand." he said, lowering his eyes uncomfortably.
"Are you saying you'll do it then?" Hermione questioned. Severus nodded mutely. "Then I believe I can help with that part as well." she said, removing her wand from her pocket.
"Let's get this unpleasantness over with then." he sighed.
By the time the ordeal was finished, Severus looked quite tired and unsettled. The strain of helping him transfer his thoughts and memories to the magical instrument was beginning to tell on Hermione as well. They sat there looking at the silvery, shimmering contents of the Pensieve for quite sometime before either of them chose to speak.
"You ready to go in?" she inquired, tucking her wand away.
"Me? Why must I 'go in', as you have so ineloquently put it?" he questioned sharply.
"From what I understand, these things can usually do with a bit of explanation. How would I know anyone's name, for instance? I will need a guide." she said, not put off by his comment.
"Very well." he grudgingly agreed.
"Would you care for some herbal tea or something first?" she asked.
He raised an eyebrow and sneered ever-so-slightly before replying, "No thank you, Hermione. I imagine we will both want to do this on an empty stomach. I hope you didn't have a heavy breakfast."
"No, just some chocolate." she murmured almost inaudibly, staring down at her desk and wondering what she had gotten herself into.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. I think I can handle it." she said, looking up.
"Shall we then?" questioned Snape, pursing his lips unpleasantly.
They stood over the desk and sank their hands into the bubbling silvery substance. For Hermione it was like being sucked suddenly into a cold, bleak world, dark and inhospitable. She squeezed her eyes closed until the feeling began to dissipate. When she opened them again, the first thing she noticed was Severus staring at her. He looked strained, but calm.
"Are you ready now?" he asked her. His silken voice reverberated through the emptiness around them.
"I think so." she said, shivering against the coldness. "Why didn't I think to bring a scarf or something? I should have known the inner workings of his mind would be like a meat locker!" she admonished herself. "Yeah, and a scarf would fix that!" she thought, frowning.
"Follow me." said Snape, walking away into the gloom.
She shrugged and followed him, gradually realizing that the world was beginning to flesh out around them. She could see paving stones under her feet and indistinct buildings. Then she realized that a night sky, full of bright and twinkling stars, was over them.
"Where is this?" she asked.
"Near a place ..." he replied, glancing behind. "Look." he nodded.
Hermione stopped and turned, seeing five figures in solemn black robes and hoods that obscured their faces. One was carrying a lantern that gave off an eerie, pale greenish light. Severus and Hermione stepped out of the way as they passed, observing them.
"Who are they?" she asked.
"Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle ... the elders ones. Malfoy bears the lantern. Lestrange. And, of course, me." he explained, following after them.
Hermione looked at the last Death Eater in the line for a moment, hesitating to move forward and glimpse beneath his heavy hood. She could see something of a hooked nose. It was Snape as he had been many years ago.
Severus and Hermione fell into step behind the small throng.
"Where are we going?" she questioned.
"The destination was ... a pub, I believe, near Diagon Alley. We were going to terrorize the patrons, many of whom were ... muggle-born witches and wizards and sympathizers. We were to put the fear of Lord Voldemort into them." he told her.
Two of the Death Eaters ahead were speaking. Hermione quickened her steps to listen to them.
"Snape, what's the matter with you? Anyone would think you didn't want to be here. I'm surprised. You don't come out with us often and you sulk when you do." laughed Lucius Malfoy, not very kindly.
"Snape's always sulky. Our master's calls are forever spoiling his dinner plans." said a feminine voice from among the crowd, Lestrange, Hermione decided. The other members of the party laughed.
The Death Eater Snape merely 'hmphed' and quickened his steps a bit.
"So you were coerced?" Hermione questioned, looking back at Severus, who looked just as displeased as his memory counterpart sounded.
"No, I was only ... slightly reticent." he answered as she returned to his side.
As they rounded a corner two Aurors apparated in front of the five Death Eaters with wands drawn. The lantern crashed to the stones and went out. Curses were shouted by the two Aurors, causing Lestrange and Malfoy to shriek in pain, fear, and confusion as they fell to the ground. Crabbe and Goyle shoved past Snape and retreated down a nearby alleyway, leaving their companions to fend for themselves. Then Hermione saw Snape draw his wand.
"Expelliarmus!" he cried, directing the spell toward the Auror attacking Lestrange, whose hood had fallen back to reveal the twisted face of an evil, but once very beautiful young witch. The wand flew from the Auror's hand and clattered on the stones somewhere behind them. Snape shouted the spell a second time, but the other Auror, a faceless individual, blocked the spell completely.
"Crucio!" Lestrange cried, finally managing to get to her wand.
The Auror writhed in agony, losing his grip on his own wand, which Lucius Malfoy, none the worse for wear, kicked out of the way before turning his attention to the first Auror.
"Avada Kedavra!" Malfoy cried out angrily.
Lestrange took care of the second Auror in a similar fashion moments later.
Hermione found herself gripping a fist full of cloth, Severus's shirt, as the scene slowly faded to black again. She had not witnessed such an attack in several years, not since the final battle with Voldemort. Her heart was pounding in her ears. Somehow, she thought it would have been easier. It wasn't real. What she had seen was only a memory from a time before she was even born. It should have been nothing more. A gentle arm encircled her shoulders.
"I ... I threw up later, but at least we don't have to see that part." said Severus dryly. "Are you quite all right, Hermione?" he asked.
She could feel his hands, his entire body, shaking too in the darkness and coldness that had enveloped them as the fight had ended. She slowly released her death-grip on his shirt.
"It all happened so quickly." she said, disguising her own ragged breathing with a cough.
"That's exactly how I felt at the time. No time for thoughts ... for words ... only action."
"And you acted to defend your friends from attack."
"Perhaps." he shrugged, removing his arm from her shoulders and stepping back.
She turned and asked him, "Where to now?"
"The control I have over our destination is rather limited ..." he said as a store front in an alley coalesced in front of them.
It was mid afternoon on an overcast wintry day, and their destination was Knockturn Alley, a less reputable street in wizarding London. Hermione looked around for a moment, the fear finally fading as she saw Diagon Alley only a few hundred meters down the way. Then Hermione glanced at the shop, which sold used magic books and so forth.
"Is this the place?" she asked calmly, feeling a sick sense of dread as she glimpsed a wizened old man standing behind a counter inside the shop.
"Yes." Severus nodded. "Shall we step inside? I believe we are a few moments early for our appointment."
Hermione only nodded as he opened the door for her and they entered the cozy little shop. Severus looked around for a moment and ushered her into a niche between two bookshelves.
"We should be able to observe from here." he said tersely.
Three figures in the garb of Death Eaters almost instantly apparated into the shop. Hermione recognized Malfoy and Snape and presumed the third to be MacNair. The shopkeeper was obviously paralyzed with fear. She could see his knuckles whiten as he gripped the edge of the counter. His eyes were wide with abject terror. He seemed to know why they were there.
"Angelos, you filthy squib, didn't we tell you to be off the premises before the end of the month?" asked MacNair, once a very ardent supporter of Voldemort and then a servant of the Ministry of Magic before returning to his master.
"I'm not doing anyone any harm. I only sell books. What is your master's quarrel with me?" he asked them in a panicky voice, looking at their hooded faces one by one.
"You profane the wizarding world by your very existence! How dare you question the law and the will of Lord Voldemort?" snarled a hateful and familiar voice. Hermione hesitated a side long glance at Severus to see him place a hand over his eyes. "Leave now and you have your life!" the Death Eater told the old man.
"Snape," said Malfoy sharply, "you know our bidding. It is too late for this wretch."
"Draw your wands." ordered MacNair.
The trio threw back their hoods and drew out their wands from within the folds of their heavy robes. Hermione watched Snape's face as they prepared to cast a curse upon the poor, trembling man.
As they cast the unforgivable curse, Avada Kedavra, she saw his lips move, "Avada ..." And no more. His voice only partially joined with theirs in the dark deed.
A strangled sob echoed through the darkness as the image of what had happened faded away. Hermione blinked as the green light, the last sight they had seen of that memory, vanished. She turned to Severus, who had both hands clasped over his face, struggling with the tangled emotions of rage, regret, shame, and fear.
"Severus, you didn't say all of the curse. You didn't kill that man." she said, sounding more astonished than she meant to.
"But I believed ... I believed that he was just a filthy squib. I didn't try to stop them. I ... did nothing." he said.
"Perhaps, but they can't send you to Azkaban for nothing." she told him, hesitantly putting a hand on his arm, gently pulling his hands from his face. Hermione could see that it was a struggle for him even to look at her. "We can go now ... if you would like. We don't have to see it all right now." she said quietly.
"No ... best to get it over with."
The darkness slowly morphed into a woodland around them. Two wizards, Lucius Malfoy and Snape, were lounging against two large oaks. It was late in the day and a bit foggy, and a fresh woodland scent was in the air.
"You're certain there are muggles here about?" questioned Snape with a distasteful look on his face. His eyes were hard and empty, but not without a certain nervousness and hesitance.
"The master said so." nodded Malfoy. "Says they're coming up this way."
"And we are to lead them astray or ...?"
"Snape, you know damn well why we're out here. Lord Voldemort doesn't want a repeat of the squib incident. You saved my life once. Not to mention Lestrange. The master likes you, but he has to know that you are with us one hundred percent. I'm to make sure that there is a minimum of two corpses out here by morning. Three, if you don't do what's expected." said Malfoy.
"Fine." nodded Snape, narrowing his eyes.
"I think I hear them." said Malfoy, pulling his hood up and over his face. Snape followed suit. "Buck up. They're only muggles, after all." he said, clapping Snape on the shoulder.
Severus nodded toward them, and they began following the Death Eaters through the forest. Hermione noticed that Severus seemed to be sweating heavily. That was not a good sign of things to come.
A good bit of walking brought them to a clearing where the Death Eaters, Severus, and Hermione stood in the shadows watching two muggles, a man and a woman in hiking clothes, sit down on a fallen log in order to read over a map. Apparently they were lost. For a memory their faces appeared unusually clear. She was blond and rather pretty, despite her slightly unkempt hair and smudged face. He was very rugged looking, but he had a pleasant smile and at least a two-days growth of stubble on his face.
"I know what would really make the master proud." Hermione heard Malfoy whisper in Snape's ear, nodding toward the woman. She watched Snape stiffen and look at Malfoy in disgust. "Very well." Malfoy murmured. "Let's get this over with."
They drew their wands as they stepped into the clearing. Severus and Hermione watched as they hit the two muggles with full body binds. They never even saw what hit them.
"How does the master want it done?" asked Snape.
"Slowly." said Malfoy. "But ... it will satisfy my ... doubts if you just kill one of them." He pointed his wand at the man and said, "Avada Kedavra !" Snape flinched at the green flash, but nothing more. His reaction was hardly noticeable. His non-memory counterpart gasped softly.
Snape threw back his hood and looked up at the evening sky. Hermione looked up as well and felt a pang of awe and wonder. The wispy clouds overhead were a deep purple, framed by the billiant pink and orange of the setting sun. It was lovely. Then she turned her eyes back to Snape who was slowly circling his soon-to-be victim. Malfoy was looking on with a bored expression.
"Oh, do get on with it." said Lucius with an impatient sigh.
Snape raised his wand and began saying a curse. Hermione strained to make out the words, but a cry ripped through the air. Before she knew what was happening, Severus ran past her and threw himself at his younger self as though to tackle him. He went right through the image, landing in the dirt with an audible thump. He pulled himself up and began screaming at the Death Eater that he had once been, losing all control.
The memory, however, continued to progress, unaware of the emotional state of its viewer. Hermione, leaving the 'safety' of the shadows walked forward, watching Snape cast curse after curse on the defenseless woman at his feet until blood began to pour from her eyes and ears and Severus, kneeling in the dust, screamed incomprehensibly at ... himself.
Her stomach wanted to heave as she watched, and she was grateful that it was empty. When the woman finally lay still, mercifully dead, Hermione knelt beside Severus, who was beginning at last to weep. His screams had ceased. She looked into the eyes of the Death Eater one final time as blackness began to consume them and saw tears that could not be shed and a shame and self-loathing that could not be missed.
Hermione pulled Severus into her arms in the darkness, holding him against the powerful sobs and thinking the same thing over and over again: "How could that have been him? How could that have been him ?"
He clung to her tearfully, and she allowed it. She could not thrust him away, could not call him a murderer, even though it was true. She had seen it with her own eyes.
She felt the tears that were sliding unimpeded down his cheeks as he pressed his forehead to her neck. The tears were slow to subside. She rubbed his back as her mind continued to spin. Severus's body began to relax and she shifted his weight until she held his head in her lap. He was trembling all over, quaking with a torrent of long suppressed emotions, just as he had trembled from the aftermath of the Cruciatus Curse years before ...
The inky darkness gradually became a grayness, and the grayness became the hospital wing at Hogwarts. She raised her eyes and beheld herself, seated in a comfortable chair and holding her ailing potions' professor's hand. Glancing down at Severus, it was an interesting tableau, she realized.
"Where are we?" asked the Severus whose hair she was stroking absently. His teeth were chattering, and his voice was raw.
"One of my memories, I'm afraid. You must have blacked out for a moment." she explained as he sat up.
He was watching her, young Miss Granger the seventh year Gryffindor, as she told him the news of the day.
"Neville and Ginny have been released from the hospital wing today. They look good really. Neville lost a few pounds, but then I guess being in a coma will do that. You're beginning to look a little thin yourself. Let's see ... The work on Gryffindor Tower is going rather well. But don't suppose you'd care about that. A few more arrests were made in London today. The names weren't familiar, but everyone, the professors especially, seemed relieved, so that must be good news ..." she said to the unconscious potions' master.
Hermione blushed slightly as Severus looked at her with a bewildered and amazed expression on his face.
"It was you!" he exclaimed loudly.
"I ... I can explain. You see, your bed was right next to Harry's and ... and it became something of a habit." she stammered.
Severus put a hand on her shoulder and said, "I never recognized the voice, but I always heard you ... out there, talking to me when I was ... lost. I thought I was dead after the battle, imprisoned in a dark, shadowy, endless hell. Then someone would speak to me ... and I was comforted."
"Really?" she questioned.
"Yes, always." he told her, wiping his tearstained face on his sleeve.
"I'm glad." said Hermione, blinking rapidly, but managing to keep her composure.
She clambered to her feet and offered Severus a hand up as her memory faded away. He accepted it and stood there looking at her for sometime before he grasped both of her hands in his.
The world of memories faded around them, and Hermione found herself standing behind her desk once again. Severus still held both of her hands. They leaned toward each other across the Pensieve and for a moment, she thought they would kiss, but then she remembered that he was her client and a man under investigate for terrible crimes, one of which he had actually committed, and she pulled away, squeezing his hands before she released them.
"I think we've been through quite enough today." she said, smiling tightly.
Severus wiped his eyes again as he nodded mutely. He felt drained to the very core of his being.
"Did you learn anything in there? I know I did." he said.
"Yes, I did too." she agreed.
"And?"
"We have our work cut out for us, but it isn't as hopeless as it seemed yesterday morning, and that's a good thing."
"We seem to have missed lunch ... and dinner, depending on whether you take it early or late." said Severus, glancing at her clock.
"I didn't realize ..."
"Have dinner with me?"
Hermione hesitated. The terrible images were beginning to fade and she had worked up quite an appetite. But she was cautious. Dinner ... with Snape? She could see that turning out badly in a number of ways. Her stomach growled, and she knew her cupboard at home was bare.
"Please?" he said, noting her hesitance.
"All right." she finally agreed.
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A/N: Question of the day: Was this chapter too long? (I'm trying not to get bogged down.)
Thanks for reviewing, Egyptian Mistress Isis, mavidian, EireVerde, Redone, Laura, Kitty, caius julius, anonymous reviwer, and KAOS.
I never plan anything. It just happens.
In which Severus remembers a lot more
Hermione was forced to apparate to her office that morning, which was never something that she enjoyed, but she would have been late otherwise. She stashed her satchel underneath her desk, knowing that Snape would be there promptly when the offices opened for the day. He was a man with a limited amount of time and not likely to be late. She pulled a few pages of notes from her bag and began going over them while she waited, which was not long.
The knock at her door was almost painfully loud, not to mention impatient and terse. She frowned, momentarily picturing an aged wizard knocking on a round door with his staff, an image from one of her favorite muggle children's books. She shook her head. The wizard on the other side of that door was neither old nor likely to be bearing a staff.
"Yes?" she called, shuffling her notes.
Severus walked into her office and sank into the chair in front of her temporarily rather untidy desk without a word.
"Good morning ... Severus."
"Hermione." he acknowledged.
"You never killed anyone in anything less than a fair fight, did you?" she accused, not waiting for him to become too comfortable.
"I beg your pardon," he said with some annoyance, "but I believe we have covered that already."
"You were an accomplice, and perhaps an at least half willing one, but you never murdered anyone single-handed, did you?"
He looked uncertain. Even as he sneered at her, the look in his eyes was one of hesitance.
"No." he answered.
"I am much relieved." she said.
"But I allowed it to happen."
"That brings up some interesting questions. Did you stand by and allow Voldemort to kill James and Lily Potter?"
"I had already ... altered my loyalties by then. I wasn't present that night. It can be verified I'm sure." he answered.
"But did you know about it?" she pressed, wanting to put an end to certain doubts Remus had cast into her mind.
"Everyone knew that they were his enemies. They were hiding from him. How could anyone have not known that he would go after them eventually?" he questioned sharply.
"And?"
"No, I didn't know. I only suspected ... and maybe I should have told someone, but at the time ... it didn't seem as though ... I never thought it would be then. I never realized that Peter Pettigrew could or would betray them like that, even if his loyalties were even more uncertain than mine." stated Severus painfully.
"Good." Hermione nodded.
"And, yes, maybe I didn't care." Severus added, shaking his head. "You must make quite the prosecuting attorney." he commented dryly, recovering and returning to his usual demeanor.
"Thank you ... I think." said Hermione. She glanced at the Pensieve that she kept in a little case on her bookshelf. "You know, it might be a little more helpful if we went for a walk, especially if you aren't going to be entirely objective about the past."
"And a walk would fix that?" he asked sourly.
"Perhaps."
"Where will we be walking then?" Severus questioned.
"Down memory lane, if you don't object too strenuously." she said, leaving her seat to retrieve the Pensieve.
Snape looked uneasy as she drew the stone basin from its glass cupboard. It was not an especially easy thing to ask of anyone. It was very difficult to ask it of someone so secretive as Severus Snape. Hermione knew that and made light of the request for that very reason. She had never cared for Pensieves herself, using hers only once or twice since she had acquired it.
"Why?" he questioned as she set the Pensieve on her desk between them.
"Because I don't think you're telling me as much as you could. And I want very much to help you."
"I don't believe I can manage this without a wand." he said, lowering his eyes uncomfortably.
"Are you saying you'll do it then?" Hermione questioned. Severus nodded mutely. "Then I believe I can help with that part as well." she said, removing her wand from her pocket.
"Let's get this unpleasantness over with then." he sighed.
By the time the ordeal was finished, Severus looked quite tired and unsettled. The strain of helping him transfer his thoughts and memories to the magical instrument was beginning to tell on Hermione as well. They sat there looking at the silvery, shimmering contents of the Pensieve for quite sometime before either of them chose to speak.
"You ready to go in?" she inquired, tucking her wand away.
"Me? Why must I 'go in', as you have so ineloquently put it?" he questioned sharply.
"From what I understand, these things can usually do with a bit of explanation. How would I know anyone's name, for instance? I will need a guide." she said, not put off by his comment.
"Very well." he grudgingly agreed.
"Would you care for some herbal tea or something first?" she asked.
He raised an eyebrow and sneered ever-so-slightly before replying, "No thank you, Hermione. I imagine we will both want to do this on an empty stomach. I hope you didn't have a heavy breakfast."
"No, just some chocolate." she murmured almost inaudibly, staring down at her desk and wondering what she had gotten herself into.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. I think I can handle it." she said, looking up.
"Shall we then?" questioned Snape, pursing his lips unpleasantly.
They stood over the desk and sank their hands into the bubbling silvery substance. For Hermione it was like being sucked suddenly into a cold, bleak world, dark and inhospitable. She squeezed her eyes closed until the feeling began to dissipate. When she opened them again, the first thing she noticed was Severus staring at her. He looked strained, but calm.
"Are you ready now?" he asked her. His silken voice reverberated through the emptiness around them.
"I think so." she said, shivering against the coldness. "Why didn't I think to bring a scarf or something? I should have known the inner workings of his mind would be like a meat locker!" she admonished herself. "Yeah, and a scarf would fix that!" she thought, frowning.
"Follow me." said Snape, walking away into the gloom.
She shrugged and followed him, gradually realizing that the world was beginning to flesh out around them. She could see paving stones under her feet and indistinct buildings. Then she realized that a night sky, full of bright and twinkling stars, was over them.
"Where is this?" she asked.
"Near a place ..." he replied, glancing behind. "Look." he nodded.
Hermione stopped and turned, seeing five figures in solemn black robes and hoods that obscured their faces. One was carrying a lantern that gave off an eerie, pale greenish light. Severus and Hermione stepped out of the way as they passed, observing them.
"Who are they?" she asked.
"Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle ... the elders ones. Malfoy bears the lantern. Lestrange. And, of course, me." he explained, following after them.
Hermione looked at the last Death Eater in the line for a moment, hesitating to move forward and glimpse beneath his heavy hood. She could see something of a hooked nose. It was Snape as he had been many years ago.
Severus and Hermione fell into step behind the small throng.
"Where are we going?" she questioned.
"The destination was ... a pub, I believe, near Diagon Alley. We were going to terrorize the patrons, many of whom were ... muggle-born witches and wizards and sympathizers. We were to put the fear of Lord Voldemort into them." he told her.
Two of the Death Eaters ahead were speaking. Hermione quickened her steps to listen to them.
"Snape, what's the matter with you? Anyone would think you didn't want to be here. I'm surprised. You don't come out with us often and you sulk when you do." laughed Lucius Malfoy, not very kindly.
"Snape's always sulky. Our master's calls are forever spoiling his dinner plans." said a feminine voice from among the crowd, Lestrange, Hermione decided. The other members of the party laughed.
The Death Eater Snape merely 'hmphed' and quickened his steps a bit.
"So you were coerced?" Hermione questioned, looking back at Severus, who looked just as displeased as his memory counterpart sounded.
"No, I was only ... slightly reticent." he answered as she returned to his side.
As they rounded a corner two Aurors apparated in front of the five Death Eaters with wands drawn. The lantern crashed to the stones and went out. Curses were shouted by the two Aurors, causing Lestrange and Malfoy to shriek in pain, fear, and confusion as they fell to the ground. Crabbe and Goyle shoved past Snape and retreated down a nearby alleyway, leaving their companions to fend for themselves. Then Hermione saw Snape draw his wand.
"Expelliarmus!" he cried, directing the spell toward the Auror attacking Lestrange, whose hood had fallen back to reveal the twisted face of an evil, but once very beautiful young witch. The wand flew from the Auror's hand and clattered on the stones somewhere behind them. Snape shouted the spell a second time, but the other Auror, a faceless individual, blocked the spell completely.
"Crucio!" Lestrange cried, finally managing to get to her wand.
The Auror writhed in agony, losing his grip on his own wand, which Lucius Malfoy, none the worse for wear, kicked out of the way before turning his attention to the first Auror.
"Avada Kedavra!" Malfoy cried out angrily.
Lestrange took care of the second Auror in a similar fashion moments later.
Hermione found herself gripping a fist full of cloth, Severus's shirt, as the scene slowly faded to black again. She had not witnessed such an attack in several years, not since the final battle with Voldemort. Her heart was pounding in her ears. Somehow, she thought it would have been easier. It wasn't real. What she had seen was only a memory from a time before she was even born. It should have been nothing more. A gentle arm encircled her shoulders.
"I ... I threw up later, but at least we don't have to see that part." said Severus dryly. "Are you quite all right, Hermione?" he asked.
She could feel his hands, his entire body, shaking too in the darkness and coldness that had enveloped them as the fight had ended. She slowly released her death-grip on his shirt.
"It all happened so quickly." she said, disguising her own ragged breathing with a cough.
"That's exactly how I felt at the time. No time for thoughts ... for words ... only action."
"And you acted to defend your friends from attack."
"Perhaps." he shrugged, removing his arm from her shoulders and stepping back.
She turned and asked him, "Where to now?"
"The control I have over our destination is rather limited ..." he said as a store front in an alley coalesced in front of them.
It was mid afternoon on an overcast wintry day, and their destination was Knockturn Alley, a less reputable street in wizarding London. Hermione looked around for a moment, the fear finally fading as she saw Diagon Alley only a few hundred meters down the way. Then Hermione glanced at the shop, which sold used magic books and so forth.
"Is this the place?" she asked calmly, feeling a sick sense of dread as she glimpsed a wizened old man standing behind a counter inside the shop.
"Yes." Severus nodded. "Shall we step inside? I believe we are a few moments early for our appointment."
Hermione only nodded as he opened the door for her and they entered the cozy little shop. Severus looked around for a moment and ushered her into a niche between two bookshelves.
"We should be able to observe from here." he said tersely.
Three figures in the garb of Death Eaters almost instantly apparated into the shop. Hermione recognized Malfoy and Snape and presumed the third to be MacNair. The shopkeeper was obviously paralyzed with fear. She could see his knuckles whiten as he gripped the edge of the counter. His eyes were wide with abject terror. He seemed to know why they were there.
"Angelos, you filthy squib, didn't we tell you to be off the premises before the end of the month?" asked MacNair, once a very ardent supporter of Voldemort and then a servant of the Ministry of Magic before returning to his master.
"I'm not doing anyone any harm. I only sell books. What is your master's quarrel with me?" he asked them in a panicky voice, looking at their hooded faces one by one.
"You profane the wizarding world by your very existence! How dare you question the law and the will of Lord Voldemort?" snarled a hateful and familiar voice. Hermione hesitated a side long glance at Severus to see him place a hand over his eyes. "Leave now and you have your life!" the Death Eater told the old man.
"Snape," said Malfoy sharply, "you know our bidding. It is too late for this wretch."
"Draw your wands." ordered MacNair.
The trio threw back their hoods and drew out their wands from within the folds of their heavy robes. Hermione watched Snape's face as they prepared to cast a curse upon the poor, trembling man.
As they cast the unforgivable curse, Avada Kedavra, she saw his lips move, "Avada ..." And no more. His voice only partially joined with theirs in the dark deed.
A strangled sob echoed through the darkness as the image of what had happened faded away. Hermione blinked as the green light, the last sight they had seen of that memory, vanished. She turned to Severus, who had both hands clasped over his face, struggling with the tangled emotions of rage, regret, shame, and fear.
"Severus, you didn't say all of the curse. You didn't kill that man." she said, sounding more astonished than she meant to.
"But I believed ... I believed that he was just a filthy squib. I didn't try to stop them. I ... did nothing." he said.
"Perhaps, but they can't send you to Azkaban for nothing." she told him, hesitantly putting a hand on his arm, gently pulling his hands from his face. Hermione could see that it was a struggle for him even to look at her. "We can go now ... if you would like. We don't have to see it all right now." she said quietly.
"No ... best to get it over with."
The darkness slowly morphed into a woodland around them. Two wizards, Lucius Malfoy and Snape, were lounging against two large oaks. It was late in the day and a bit foggy, and a fresh woodland scent was in the air.
"You're certain there are muggles here about?" questioned Snape with a distasteful look on his face. His eyes were hard and empty, but not without a certain nervousness and hesitance.
"The master said so." nodded Malfoy. "Says they're coming up this way."
"And we are to lead them astray or ...?"
"Snape, you know damn well why we're out here. Lord Voldemort doesn't want a repeat of the squib incident. You saved my life once. Not to mention Lestrange. The master likes you, but he has to know that you are with us one hundred percent. I'm to make sure that there is a minimum of two corpses out here by morning. Three, if you don't do what's expected." said Malfoy.
"Fine." nodded Snape, narrowing his eyes.
"I think I hear them." said Malfoy, pulling his hood up and over his face. Snape followed suit. "Buck up. They're only muggles, after all." he said, clapping Snape on the shoulder.
Severus nodded toward them, and they began following the Death Eaters through the forest. Hermione noticed that Severus seemed to be sweating heavily. That was not a good sign of things to come.
A good bit of walking brought them to a clearing where the Death Eaters, Severus, and Hermione stood in the shadows watching two muggles, a man and a woman in hiking clothes, sit down on a fallen log in order to read over a map. Apparently they were lost. For a memory their faces appeared unusually clear. She was blond and rather pretty, despite her slightly unkempt hair and smudged face. He was very rugged looking, but he had a pleasant smile and at least a two-days growth of stubble on his face.
"I know what would really make the master proud." Hermione heard Malfoy whisper in Snape's ear, nodding toward the woman. She watched Snape stiffen and look at Malfoy in disgust. "Very well." Malfoy murmured. "Let's get this over with."
They drew their wands as they stepped into the clearing. Severus and Hermione watched as they hit the two muggles with full body binds. They never even saw what hit them.
"How does the master want it done?" asked Snape.
"Slowly." said Malfoy. "But ... it will satisfy my ... doubts if you just kill one of them." He pointed his wand at the man and said, "Avada Kedavra !" Snape flinched at the green flash, but nothing more. His reaction was hardly noticeable. His non-memory counterpart gasped softly.
Snape threw back his hood and looked up at the evening sky. Hermione looked up as well and felt a pang of awe and wonder. The wispy clouds overhead were a deep purple, framed by the billiant pink and orange of the setting sun. It was lovely. Then she turned her eyes back to Snape who was slowly circling his soon-to-be victim. Malfoy was looking on with a bored expression.
"Oh, do get on with it." said Lucius with an impatient sigh.
Snape raised his wand and began saying a curse. Hermione strained to make out the words, but a cry ripped through the air. Before she knew what was happening, Severus ran past her and threw himself at his younger self as though to tackle him. He went right through the image, landing in the dirt with an audible thump. He pulled himself up and began screaming at the Death Eater that he had once been, losing all control.
The memory, however, continued to progress, unaware of the emotional state of its viewer. Hermione, leaving the 'safety' of the shadows walked forward, watching Snape cast curse after curse on the defenseless woman at his feet until blood began to pour from her eyes and ears and Severus, kneeling in the dust, screamed incomprehensibly at ... himself.
Her stomach wanted to heave as she watched, and she was grateful that it was empty. When the woman finally lay still, mercifully dead, Hermione knelt beside Severus, who was beginning at last to weep. His screams had ceased. She looked into the eyes of the Death Eater one final time as blackness began to consume them and saw tears that could not be shed and a shame and self-loathing that could not be missed.
Hermione pulled Severus into her arms in the darkness, holding him against the powerful sobs and thinking the same thing over and over again: "How could that have been him? How could that have been him ?"
He clung to her tearfully, and she allowed it. She could not thrust him away, could not call him a murderer, even though it was true. She had seen it with her own eyes.
She felt the tears that were sliding unimpeded down his cheeks as he pressed his forehead to her neck. The tears were slow to subside. She rubbed his back as her mind continued to spin. Severus's body began to relax and she shifted his weight until she held his head in her lap. He was trembling all over, quaking with a torrent of long suppressed emotions, just as he had trembled from the aftermath of the Cruciatus Curse years before ...
The inky darkness gradually became a grayness, and the grayness became the hospital wing at Hogwarts. She raised her eyes and beheld herself, seated in a comfortable chair and holding her ailing potions' professor's hand. Glancing down at Severus, it was an interesting tableau, she realized.
"Where are we?" asked the Severus whose hair she was stroking absently. His teeth were chattering, and his voice was raw.
"One of my memories, I'm afraid. You must have blacked out for a moment." she explained as he sat up.
He was watching her, young Miss Granger the seventh year Gryffindor, as she told him the news of the day.
"Neville and Ginny have been released from the hospital wing today. They look good really. Neville lost a few pounds, but then I guess being in a coma will do that. You're beginning to look a little thin yourself. Let's see ... The work on Gryffindor Tower is going rather well. But don't suppose you'd care about that. A few more arrests were made in London today. The names weren't familiar, but everyone, the professors especially, seemed relieved, so that must be good news ..." she said to the unconscious potions' master.
Hermione blushed slightly as Severus looked at her with a bewildered and amazed expression on his face.
"It was you!" he exclaimed loudly.
"I ... I can explain. You see, your bed was right next to Harry's and ... and it became something of a habit." she stammered.
Severus put a hand on her shoulder and said, "I never recognized the voice, but I always heard you ... out there, talking to me when I was ... lost. I thought I was dead after the battle, imprisoned in a dark, shadowy, endless hell. Then someone would speak to me ... and I was comforted."
"Really?" she questioned.
"Yes, always." he told her, wiping his tearstained face on his sleeve.
"I'm glad." said Hermione, blinking rapidly, but managing to keep her composure.
She clambered to her feet and offered Severus a hand up as her memory faded away. He accepted it and stood there looking at her for sometime before he grasped both of her hands in his.
The world of memories faded around them, and Hermione found herself standing behind her desk once again. Severus still held both of her hands. They leaned toward each other across the Pensieve and for a moment, she thought they would kiss, but then she remembered that he was her client and a man under investigate for terrible crimes, one of which he had actually committed, and she pulled away, squeezing his hands before she released them.
"I think we've been through quite enough today." she said, smiling tightly.
Severus wiped his eyes again as he nodded mutely. He felt drained to the very core of his being.
"Did you learn anything in there? I know I did." he said.
"Yes, I did too." she agreed.
"And?"
"We have our work cut out for us, but it isn't as hopeless as it seemed yesterday morning, and that's a good thing."
"We seem to have missed lunch ... and dinner, depending on whether you take it early or late." said Severus, glancing at her clock.
"I didn't realize ..."
"Have dinner with me?"
Hermione hesitated. The terrible images were beginning to fade and she had worked up quite an appetite. But she was cautious. Dinner ... with Snape? She could see that turning out badly in a number of ways. Her stomach growled, and she knew her cupboard at home was bare.
"Please?" he said, noting her hesitance.
"All right." she finally agreed.
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A/N: Question of the day: Was this chapter too long? (I'm trying not to get bogged down.)
Thanks for reviewing, Egyptian Mistress Isis, mavidian, EireVerde, Redone, Laura, Kitty, caius julius, anonymous reviwer, and KAOS.
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