Chapter Thirteen: January 25th
Harry let himself into Severus' quarters without bothering to consciously check if the other man was there, or if Harry's presence was okay with him. He was now aware of both the answers without needing that verbal confirmation from Severus. Over the last few weeks the two of them hadn't made much improvement in controlling the bond after their bizarre degeneration in control over the holidays, and this was only one symptom of it. In fact, if anything, their work had resulted only in the realisation that every day they seemed to be losing a little more control over it.
Now they were almost constantly conscious of the other's location, general feelings and state of being. When they were in the same room, one would be aware of almost every thought that came to the surface of the other's mind. They'd tested it one day when feeling particularly frustrated over their lack of progress, and disinclined to continue down that particular path any longer. The awareness of just how little control they had left hadn't helped at all, especially in Severus' case. Harry was finding the aggravated situation with the bond difficult enough to cope with and he could only imagine how Severus, with his natural dignity and reliance on control, was finding it. Or perhaps a little more than imagine, with the knowledge of the man he now had, although both of them were being very careful around each other in order to keep some sense of privacy and of themselves in the face of this new invasion. Harry supposed they ought to be thankful that it was only surface thoughts they were unable to control for the moment. There were some thoughts he was having that he would much rather Severus never found out about and was very careful to keep deep inside.
As if that weren't enough, however, it was getting worse. Earlier that day, in Potions, Harry had caught himself just in time to keep from getting out the ingredients for the sleeping draught Severus planned to teach that morning even before he had instructed them on the plan for the lesson. Simply because the man had been running through the list of components on his way down to the classroom.
Harry could feel Severus' resignation and rueful agreement with the general sentiments as he dumped his bag on the floor and flopped into one of the chairs in front of the fireplace, the one he'd been using recently. They'd moved their sessions from Severus' office to his living room in the hope that it would help them to relax or something of the sort. It appeared to make little difference, but at least they could be somewhat more comfortable here. A moment after he'd taken his place, Severus appeared from his workroom and took the seat opposite, mirroring Harry.
Harry had never thought he'd see the day Severus Snape slumped into a chair. Especially not with such a human expression on his face. Not that he'd thought about it much, but the very idea a few months ago would have seemed positively insane.
Severus snorted.
//Did you really think I was that inhuman?// It was tinged with some sorrow that he couldn't now keep from Harry.
//I…Damn, I can't lie like this.// The smile that answered that statement was wry, and a little pained. //I think I knew that I was being unjust to you though. Last year for certain.//
//I suppose… that's something.//
//I'm sorry.//
//Why? I knew what I was doing when I began to play my part. The children need someone to hate – if only to make Albus seem all the more good.//
//I'm not a child, and I never hated you. Disliked you intensely, yes. Thought you had it in for me, for some reason I could never fully understand. Hated you, no.//
//If I didn't know you couldn't lie…// The frown showed he was concentrating on keeping back whatever thought came next, and Harry didn't try to pry. It was bad enough that they were leaking so much. Without trust, he doubted they'd be able to keep their sanity.
//Thank you.//
Harry raised an eyebrow and realised that he must look particularly Snape-ish at that moment. Another snort, more amused than the last one.
//I'm glad I can make you laugh.//
Shock.
//You know… I missed you over the holidays.//
More shock. Harry couldn't hold back his own laughter.
//I… think I missed you too.//
//Wow. That's almost an admission of liking me.//
A dead silence from the other chair.
//Silence means assent. I like you too, you know.//
//Most generous of you, Harry. I suppose I have to admit it too, then. Much to my chagrin, I have discovered that I do indeed like you.//
*Click.*
//What was that?// No answer. Harry blinked, caught in the middle of smiling at the reluctance of Severus' last statement, and realised that he couldn't hear the secondary murmur of Severus' background thoughts any more.
"What was that?"
"I'm not certain. But it seems to have accomplished what we've been trying to do this week. At any rate, much to my relief, I cannot hear your every thought any longer."
"You mean, the bond was pushing us so that we'd admit that we like each other?" He knew he sounded frankly disbelieving.
"It sounds ridiculous, does it not? I can't think of another logical explanation, however, despite the fact that I can hardly think of a worse way to make people confess their feelings for each other." Severus sounded quite taken aback.
"Well it worked, didn't it?" A pause. "I'd kind of gotten used to our other conversations, though."
"One way to test that." //Harry?//
//Yes…//
"Well, we've established that it still works, but it's under some control now. I didn't overhear anything when I reached out. I'm still aware of your location and general state though."
"Yes."
"This is interesting." Oh no. He was going into research mode.
//Not now, please. I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that we admitted to liking each other. And that the bond sorted itself out because of that.//
Laughter underneath. This development certainly had improved his mood. //Very well, Harry. Perhaps tomorrow?// He actually sounded slightly hopeful.
//Tomorrow.//