Faith's POV
It's raining and I am sitting in the muddy graveyard, my back against a cold headstone, in full view of any beast that may want to attack me, or any vamps stupid enough to think they could take me. I am freezing cold, the mud seems to have seeped into all my clothes, the rain doesn't seem to wanna cease and I am very upset. No scratch that I am seething mad. Which is just great I think huffily, rubbing my head trying to get this headache to go away and trying to shut out the cold and figure out why I didn't plan to come earlier, find a motel to stay in.
In the space of just two hours I have gone from nervous wreck to nearly friggin crying and now, on top of that I am just really, really angry, which I can tell you is the last thing I wanted to be, because this anger, it's kinda hard to suppress and I am still at a bit of a loss as to how to deal properly, well, without pummelling the hell outta some vamp that is. Not so long outta jail, pretty much thinking that taking it out on a vamp sounds like a good plan, but losing control, letting loose, not such a brilliant idea.
See I gather up all the courage I can muster and I make my way over there hoping against hopes that she's at least hear me out.
And my breath is hitching in my throat and I feel like I have dead weight on my chest, it's hard to breath and my stomach's churning. I feel really sick.
So anyways, she lets me in and we walk into the hall and I start trying to talk to her, which believe my is an accomplishment all on it's own, because from the moment I stepped in the house I seem to have lost my voice. She's been asleep, probably not long though, probably been out slaying and just bedded down. I wanted to leave it, talk to her later but I was afraid, afraid of facing everyone.
I figured if I could face up to her, I could face anyone. That if I could win her trust again, or even get her to talk that I would get a better go at apologising to the others later on. I figure they might be asleep upstairs, I got kinda clued in before I came. I don't wanna wake them, hell I guess it's just as well I didn't piff something harder at her window or I might have woken everybody up.
Thing is we are still standing in the hall and she isn't listening to a word I am saying, I mean I expected trouble but it's like she isn't even interested. She can't even be bothered listening. And here's me trying to rattle off some kind of ill prepared speech and here's her off in a world of her own staring at me but I don't think she's really even looking. So I am fidgeting, not knowing what to do and looking around the room trying to stop my brain from shutting down completely and it's been at least 10 minutes since she let me in the door and still no response from her at all. Well I can't handle this; this wasn't supposed to happen at all. There was supposed to be me trying to reason with her and us throwing down or her kicking me out, but I wasn't expecting to be standing right here and have her ignore me. And to top it off I have totally worked myself up into an emotional state and I think if I stand here in silence any longer I am going to start crying or something. So I mumble something about doing this later, I mean it's nearly dawn and I am absolutely ready to write this off as a failed attempt and go. Because right now, I want to be anywhere but here. And with that thought I am out the door, not even mustering the energy or the nerve to look back at Buffy Summers.
Next thing I know I must have walked here and at some stage it has started raining and I realise that I am sitting in a big pile of water and mudd and I am cold and I can't seem to care because I am too upset that I didn't get what I expected and I didn't know how to handle myself.
What was I thinking? Three years of atonement and I can waltz back in? Why on earth did I come here, to fulfil my duty as the slayer?
"hahhhhh!" I let out a manic laugh and slump down further against the grave. Welcome back to sunny hell Faith.