November 16th,
I am woman; hear me...well...ummm...hear me mew.
Sigh*
You know, as big a mouth as I have...as forceful and opinionated as I can be, there are times when I am as meek as a kitten.
If Gloria Steinhem were dead, she'd be rolling in her grave.
Take today for instance.
As I mentioned earlier, a certain fashion challenged ex-CID agent who shall remain nameless was edging his way on to my turf. Needless to say, I consider the last two missions I was on an affront to my abilities and accomplishments on this team. To add insult to injury, I was speaking with Mainframe about setting up a new fake identity in the government computer system when he mentioned off hand that Chuckles had gone undercover in Scotland as a games keeper for Destro a couple of months back.
"What?!" I exclaimed, not quite certain I had heard him correctly. As far as I knew, the man had just joined Joe recently
"Yeah...those Brits don't make it easy to hack into their system. Getting you a US identity is far, far easier..." He continued to type away at the keyboard, completely oblivious to my change of mood, "How do you like the name Anita Dupont? Or maybe something a bit more exotic...oooo...Pussy Galo..."
"He went undercover in SCOTLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Christ, I couldn't believe it. That was my territory. I could blend in so well in the highlands that my own uncle wouldn't recognize me!
"Yes...Scotland. Jeez, Jaye...don't you listen?" He squinted at the screen "Here is one, but she's blond. Unless you want to dye your hair; I am sure Flint would love it."
"I thought he joined the team last month?" I said...deadly quiet. I was beyond angry now...I was livid!
"Ummm...nope. I met him a while back when he came in to get the papers he needed." He looked up from his work and regarded me oddly, "Where have you been? I thought you knew...being our Covert Ops gal and all."
"I thought so too." With that I stormed out of the room and headed straight for Hawk's office.
I guess I should be thankful I ran into Snakes in the hallway or I would probably be facing a court martial right now. He saw the look on my face and immediately pulled me aside, practically dragging me to the dojo for a workout.
"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow." He signed calmly as he blocked my path.
"Oh, don't you pull that Tao crap with me, Snakes!" I growled feigning left and right in an attempt to get past, "I am in NO mood for it! Now let me go, I have something that needs doing."
"Oh no you don't!" he signed as he moved easily with me. I swear he was grinning under that mask. "You are coming with ME, young lady."
"Bloody hell I am. Hey! Let go of me Ninja-Boy. Let g...OW..." Have you ever tried to avoid a Ninja hell bent on stopping you in your tracks?
No?
Well...I don't recommend it.
In any case, as well meaning as my silent friend was, all our little training session accomplished was delay the inevitable. In fact, I think it probably made the situation worse for by the time the afternoon rolled around I was about ready to blow a gasket.
I was in a meeting with Hawk, Duke and the others when it happened. Something had come up in England...a young Prince needed to be escorted from Oxford back to his homeland in Equatorial Kalingaland in order to claim the throne.
I have to admit, I usually despise 'babysitting'...the term usually used to describe these operations...but I was so worked up over the whole 'Chuckles' thing that the thought never entered my mind. My anger and, dare I say it, my jealousy rose to astronomical heights when he and Roadblock were given the detail.
"mac an donais!...ùmaidh" I harrumphed under my breath. Unfortunately, I did it just loud enough for Hawk to hear.
"Do you have something to add, Lady Jaye?" He turned to me, his face calm but his eyes betraying annoyance at the interruption. Flint looked up from his papers and Duke smirked in anticipation, fully expecting one of my famous Gaelic tirades.
"Well?" the General asked, his fingers taping against the podium, "We're waiting, Corporal."
I felt like a kid getting hell from her teacher for passing a note in class. I was angry, yes...but uncomfortable as well. Then again...when did that ever stop me? I opened my mouth to reply, but at that very moment I caught Flint's eye and saw him slowly shake his head. It was so subtle that I nearly didn't catch it...but the message it conveyed was clear as day...
"Not now..."
Of course, that just served to make me even more irritated. I narrowed my eyes and glanced around the room. All around me, the guys had turned to watch my reaction...every one of them sporting a small grin.
I paused and took a deep breath before replying.
"Its nothing, sir."
From the look on Hawk's face I knew he didn't believe me, but other business was waiting and he didn't have time to linger on my aborted attempt at insubordination.
Thank goodness for small favors...
You would think I would be used to operating in a man's world by now. You would think I would get used to being one of the few women in the army and one of even fewer on the Joe team. Most days, I love it...being 'one of the guys', getting the extra attention. Damn, I even enjoy the mild flirtation that goes on.
That said, there are times when I feel...how do I put this...not discriminated against. Not intentionally, of course. Most of the guys are really great...but no matter their intentions, somehow I am treated a little differently simply because I am female.
It seems that for every job, every obstacle course, every mission, and every task however menial...the four of us have to perform that much better than a man in order to have our effort recognized. I have never been a proponent of 'male' and 'female' PT. I am with Beachhead on this point...if you want to follow him into battle; you had better be able to pull your weight as well as any man. Its not a matter of gender...you are a soldier...end of story.
That said, it really irks me that for the 100% that the men have to pull...we have to give 110% to get the same consideration. I might not be as strong as Roadblock or Gung Ho, but I am certainly a good deal more agile and I am one of the best shots on the team. Moreover, Scarlett or Jinx give pretty much every Joe on this team a run for their money...and NOBODY knows their way around a tank like Cover Girl.
There are also times, like in that meeting, when I am acutely aware that I am the only woman in a meeting room. That if I speak up in anger or try to argue a point the guys will all think I am being 'bitchy' or that it's 'hormonal'. I know they don't mean to do it. Sure there are one or two on this team who would like to see Cover Girl, Jinx, Scarlett and I back in the kitchen 'where we belong', but the majority of them accept us. Nevertheless gender issues still color many of their reactions.
'BROTHERHOOD of the Sword' indeed. Grrrrr....
I have proven myself capable again and again, and STILL our erstwhile leader decided to bring in someone from the outside to run the show. Confidence issues aside, I KNOW I can do the job. I know I could run Covert Ops blindfolded! Chuckles might be good, but damn it...I'm better!
In any case, when Flint and I sat down for a late dinner in the mess after the meeting, I was about ready to rip his head off. Not that he had done anything wrong, but unfortunately he happened to be the first person I saw after leaving the auditorium and as a result became the proverbial lightening rod for my anger.
Flint knows what is going on between Chuckles and myself. I explained it to him in great detail on the plane back from DC. He listened attentively, offering comments here and there, and told me he would look into it. Of course, I immediately refused his offer. Hell, if there is one thing I didn't need was for my lover and CO to go to bat for me. It just doesn't look good and regardless, I like to fight my own battles.
And speaking of battles, I was ready for one in the mess I tell you. I let loose but good. Surprisingly, Flint didn't take the bait...merely sat quietly, watching me pace the empty room, chewing thoughtfully on his food.
"Are you finished?" He asked calmly as I paused for a breath, indicating that I should sit down and finish my meal before it got cold.
"...and there you go again, telling me what to do! Why the hell did you stop me in there? I had every right to voice my opinion."
"Yes, you do...but that wasn't the time or place. Especially not when you are riled up enough to call Chuckles a bastard in front of a five star."
I stopped and stared at him in amazement.
"When did you learn Gaelic?"
He chuckled.
"When I realized I needed to know what you were calling me when you're in one of your 'states'. Now could you please sit down, you're making me dizzy."
"You are one to talk. You certainly not one to rein in your temper when you feel slighted. I have heard worse from your mouth." I growled as I crashed down onto the chair. "But of course, you're a GUY."
"That has nothing to do with it Allie...and you know it." He leaned back and watched me, his eyes serious, "Did you ever think the Hawk has other plans for you..."
"Yeah...Lady Jaye...Greenshirt extraordinaire!"
"Stop that, Alison...you're not thinking...you're reacting. THAT is why I stopped you in there." He put his hand over mine and continued, "Look, I know I do it too...but that doesn't make it right. Calm down, sleep on it...and then set up an appointment with Hawk when you have your head on straight."
"Who are you and what have you done to Flint."
"Very funny. Look...I'm never said I was perfect...stop laughing...but the last thing I need is for you to get your ass kicked from here to Tibet by the Tomahawk. He might like you, Jaye...but he is STILL a General. You have to treat him with respect." He paused and flashed me a lopsided grin, "...And besides, if you go postal on him you know who will get the blame for 'corrupting' you with the Faireborn temper."
"Well...you are right on that point. I always said you were a bad influence..."
"Honey..." her growled playfully as he leaned over and pulled me in for a kiss, "...you have no idea how 'bad' I can be..."
I think I could get used to this 'sensible' side of him. Even after all this time together, he still manages to surprise me.
Take this morning, for instance.
I was fast asleep beside him, both of us exhausted from a late night exercise...so much so that we didn't make it back to my room but instead crashed out at his place...when I was awoken by a woman's voice seemingly coming from midair.
Although we are all housed in a top-secret compound, it doesn't mean we don't get phone calls. Dialtone has set up an ingenious system of routers and fake numbers that make tracking any call, either incoming or outgoing, virtually impossible. For all the Joe friends and family know, they are calling us at locations scattered across the country...each of us posted at a different base. My area code is from somewhere in the Texas, while as far as Flint's callers are concerned they are dialing him in North Carolina.
Of course, despite the intricacies and stability of the system, it has one fatal flaw...
Automatic speakerphone.
I was half asleep, so I couldn't quite make it out what the disembodied voice was saying. I poked Flint a couple of times to wake him but he merely mumbled something into his pillow and went back to sleep.
At least I thought he did.
"I know you're there Dashiell...I can hear you breathing," said the voice.
"...72 hours of labor and this is what you get..."
"Quiet Betty, I can handle this...DASHIELL ROBERT FAIREBORN YOU PICK UP THE PHONE THIS INSTANT!"
In a split second the man beside me was up and running, nearly knocking me off the bed in his rush to get to the phone. He tripped over his boots, swore as he tried to regain his balance and threw himself at the phone in a move worthy of the great football players.
"Hi mom...yes, I know...what did you hear?...No mom, I didn't mean to...I never said that...if you would just...wait...if you would just let me...but that's not how it happened...I just...actually its 4...."
I leaned forward on the bed to listen and Dash was trying to push me away. Unsuccessfully I might add.
"I NEVER SAID...but mom...if you would just listen to...I didn't say...but....I...no I am not ashamed of...quiet Aunty Betty...sorry mom...no I am not going to...but...you don't...I didn't...No...NO!...Mom, you can't...she isn't...but I ....ok, ok...I'll do it. I said I'll do...love you too...bye."
He hung up the phone, sighed and regarded me sheepishly before whispering in a cowed and shy voice that so totally contrasted with the arrogant soldier I knew and loved that I couldn't help but smile.
"I was wondering if you might be interested in joining my family for Thanksgiving..."
"Soooo...that cat's out of the bag, eh?" I reached over to tickle him as he tried to shoo me away.
"Allie...come on...this is serious. Do you want to come or not?"
"Are you asking me...or is your mom asking me?"
"...Ummmm...is there any way I can answer that question honestly without you refusing?"
"Probably not..."
"Is there any way I can convince you otherwise?" His eyes flashed wickedly as he reached for me.
"...maybe..." I whispered.
So...needless to say I am now going to Dash's place for Thanksgiving. I am finally going to meet his family. Should be interesting.... if the conversation and subsequent reaction I was just witness to is any indication, it should be quite the theatre!
Kansas...here I come.
I am woman; hear me...well...ummm...hear me mew.
Sigh*
You know, as big a mouth as I have...as forceful and opinionated as I can be, there are times when I am as meek as a kitten.
If Gloria Steinhem were dead, she'd be rolling in her grave.
Take today for instance.
As I mentioned earlier, a certain fashion challenged ex-CID agent who shall remain nameless was edging his way on to my turf. Needless to say, I consider the last two missions I was on an affront to my abilities and accomplishments on this team. To add insult to injury, I was speaking with Mainframe about setting up a new fake identity in the government computer system when he mentioned off hand that Chuckles had gone undercover in Scotland as a games keeper for Destro a couple of months back.
"What?!" I exclaimed, not quite certain I had heard him correctly. As far as I knew, the man had just joined Joe recently
"Yeah...those Brits don't make it easy to hack into their system. Getting you a US identity is far, far easier..." He continued to type away at the keyboard, completely oblivious to my change of mood, "How do you like the name Anita Dupont? Or maybe something a bit more exotic...oooo...Pussy Galo..."
"He went undercover in SCOTLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Christ, I couldn't believe it. That was my territory. I could blend in so well in the highlands that my own uncle wouldn't recognize me!
"Yes...Scotland. Jeez, Jaye...don't you listen?" He squinted at the screen "Here is one, but she's blond. Unless you want to dye your hair; I am sure Flint would love it."
"I thought he joined the team last month?" I said...deadly quiet. I was beyond angry now...I was livid!
"Ummm...nope. I met him a while back when he came in to get the papers he needed." He looked up from his work and regarded me oddly, "Where have you been? I thought you knew...being our Covert Ops gal and all."
"I thought so too." With that I stormed out of the room and headed straight for Hawk's office.
I guess I should be thankful I ran into Snakes in the hallway or I would probably be facing a court martial right now. He saw the look on my face and immediately pulled me aside, practically dragging me to the dojo for a workout.
"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow." He signed calmly as he blocked my path.
"Oh, don't you pull that Tao crap with me, Snakes!" I growled feigning left and right in an attempt to get past, "I am in NO mood for it! Now let me go, I have something that needs doing."
"Oh no you don't!" he signed as he moved easily with me. I swear he was grinning under that mask. "You are coming with ME, young lady."
"Bloody hell I am. Hey! Let go of me Ninja-Boy. Let g...OW..." Have you ever tried to avoid a Ninja hell bent on stopping you in your tracks?
No?
Well...I don't recommend it.
In any case, as well meaning as my silent friend was, all our little training session accomplished was delay the inevitable. In fact, I think it probably made the situation worse for by the time the afternoon rolled around I was about ready to blow a gasket.
I was in a meeting with Hawk, Duke and the others when it happened. Something had come up in England...a young Prince needed to be escorted from Oxford back to his homeland in Equatorial Kalingaland in order to claim the throne.
I have to admit, I usually despise 'babysitting'...the term usually used to describe these operations...but I was so worked up over the whole 'Chuckles' thing that the thought never entered my mind. My anger and, dare I say it, my jealousy rose to astronomical heights when he and Roadblock were given the detail.
"mac an donais!...ùmaidh" I harrumphed under my breath. Unfortunately, I did it just loud enough for Hawk to hear.
"Do you have something to add, Lady Jaye?" He turned to me, his face calm but his eyes betraying annoyance at the interruption. Flint looked up from his papers and Duke smirked in anticipation, fully expecting one of my famous Gaelic tirades.
"Well?" the General asked, his fingers taping against the podium, "We're waiting, Corporal."
I felt like a kid getting hell from her teacher for passing a note in class. I was angry, yes...but uncomfortable as well. Then again...when did that ever stop me? I opened my mouth to reply, but at that very moment I caught Flint's eye and saw him slowly shake his head. It was so subtle that I nearly didn't catch it...but the message it conveyed was clear as day...
"Not now..."
Of course, that just served to make me even more irritated. I narrowed my eyes and glanced around the room. All around me, the guys had turned to watch my reaction...every one of them sporting a small grin.
I paused and took a deep breath before replying.
"Its nothing, sir."
From the look on Hawk's face I knew he didn't believe me, but other business was waiting and he didn't have time to linger on my aborted attempt at insubordination.
Thank goodness for small favors...
You would think I would be used to operating in a man's world by now. You would think I would get used to being one of the few women in the army and one of even fewer on the Joe team. Most days, I love it...being 'one of the guys', getting the extra attention. Damn, I even enjoy the mild flirtation that goes on.
That said, there are times when I feel...how do I put this...not discriminated against. Not intentionally, of course. Most of the guys are really great...but no matter their intentions, somehow I am treated a little differently simply because I am female.
It seems that for every job, every obstacle course, every mission, and every task however menial...the four of us have to perform that much better than a man in order to have our effort recognized. I have never been a proponent of 'male' and 'female' PT. I am with Beachhead on this point...if you want to follow him into battle; you had better be able to pull your weight as well as any man. Its not a matter of gender...you are a soldier...end of story.
That said, it really irks me that for the 100% that the men have to pull...we have to give 110% to get the same consideration. I might not be as strong as Roadblock or Gung Ho, but I am certainly a good deal more agile and I am one of the best shots on the team. Moreover, Scarlett or Jinx give pretty much every Joe on this team a run for their money...and NOBODY knows their way around a tank like Cover Girl.
There are also times, like in that meeting, when I am acutely aware that I am the only woman in a meeting room. That if I speak up in anger or try to argue a point the guys will all think I am being 'bitchy' or that it's 'hormonal'. I know they don't mean to do it. Sure there are one or two on this team who would like to see Cover Girl, Jinx, Scarlett and I back in the kitchen 'where we belong', but the majority of them accept us. Nevertheless gender issues still color many of their reactions.
'BROTHERHOOD of the Sword' indeed. Grrrrr....
I have proven myself capable again and again, and STILL our erstwhile leader decided to bring in someone from the outside to run the show. Confidence issues aside, I KNOW I can do the job. I know I could run Covert Ops blindfolded! Chuckles might be good, but damn it...I'm better!
In any case, when Flint and I sat down for a late dinner in the mess after the meeting, I was about ready to rip his head off. Not that he had done anything wrong, but unfortunately he happened to be the first person I saw after leaving the auditorium and as a result became the proverbial lightening rod for my anger.
Flint knows what is going on between Chuckles and myself. I explained it to him in great detail on the plane back from DC. He listened attentively, offering comments here and there, and told me he would look into it. Of course, I immediately refused his offer. Hell, if there is one thing I didn't need was for my lover and CO to go to bat for me. It just doesn't look good and regardless, I like to fight my own battles.
And speaking of battles, I was ready for one in the mess I tell you. I let loose but good. Surprisingly, Flint didn't take the bait...merely sat quietly, watching me pace the empty room, chewing thoughtfully on his food.
"Are you finished?" He asked calmly as I paused for a breath, indicating that I should sit down and finish my meal before it got cold.
"...and there you go again, telling me what to do! Why the hell did you stop me in there? I had every right to voice my opinion."
"Yes, you do...but that wasn't the time or place. Especially not when you are riled up enough to call Chuckles a bastard in front of a five star."
I stopped and stared at him in amazement.
"When did you learn Gaelic?"
He chuckled.
"When I realized I needed to know what you were calling me when you're in one of your 'states'. Now could you please sit down, you're making me dizzy."
"You are one to talk. You certainly not one to rein in your temper when you feel slighted. I have heard worse from your mouth." I growled as I crashed down onto the chair. "But of course, you're a GUY."
"That has nothing to do with it Allie...and you know it." He leaned back and watched me, his eyes serious, "Did you ever think the Hawk has other plans for you..."
"Yeah...Lady Jaye...Greenshirt extraordinaire!"
"Stop that, Alison...you're not thinking...you're reacting. THAT is why I stopped you in there." He put his hand over mine and continued, "Look, I know I do it too...but that doesn't make it right. Calm down, sleep on it...and then set up an appointment with Hawk when you have your head on straight."
"Who are you and what have you done to Flint."
"Very funny. Look...I'm never said I was perfect...stop laughing...but the last thing I need is for you to get your ass kicked from here to Tibet by the Tomahawk. He might like you, Jaye...but he is STILL a General. You have to treat him with respect." He paused and flashed me a lopsided grin, "...And besides, if you go postal on him you know who will get the blame for 'corrupting' you with the Faireborn temper."
"Well...you are right on that point. I always said you were a bad influence..."
"Honey..." her growled playfully as he leaned over and pulled me in for a kiss, "...you have no idea how 'bad' I can be..."
I think I could get used to this 'sensible' side of him. Even after all this time together, he still manages to surprise me.
Take this morning, for instance.
I was fast asleep beside him, both of us exhausted from a late night exercise...so much so that we didn't make it back to my room but instead crashed out at his place...when I was awoken by a woman's voice seemingly coming from midair.
Although we are all housed in a top-secret compound, it doesn't mean we don't get phone calls. Dialtone has set up an ingenious system of routers and fake numbers that make tracking any call, either incoming or outgoing, virtually impossible. For all the Joe friends and family know, they are calling us at locations scattered across the country...each of us posted at a different base. My area code is from somewhere in the Texas, while as far as Flint's callers are concerned they are dialing him in North Carolina.
Of course, despite the intricacies and stability of the system, it has one fatal flaw...
Automatic speakerphone.
I was half asleep, so I couldn't quite make it out what the disembodied voice was saying. I poked Flint a couple of times to wake him but he merely mumbled something into his pillow and went back to sleep.
At least I thought he did.
"I know you're there Dashiell...I can hear you breathing," said the voice.
"...72 hours of labor and this is what you get..."
"Quiet Betty, I can handle this...DASHIELL ROBERT FAIREBORN YOU PICK UP THE PHONE THIS INSTANT!"
In a split second the man beside me was up and running, nearly knocking me off the bed in his rush to get to the phone. He tripped over his boots, swore as he tried to regain his balance and threw himself at the phone in a move worthy of the great football players.
"Hi mom...yes, I know...what did you hear?...No mom, I didn't mean to...I never said that...if you would just...wait...if you would just let me...but that's not how it happened...I just...actually its 4...."
I leaned forward on the bed to listen and Dash was trying to push me away. Unsuccessfully I might add.
"I NEVER SAID...but mom...if you would just listen to...I didn't say...but....I...no I am not ashamed of...quiet Aunty Betty...sorry mom...no I am not going to...but...you don't...I didn't...No...NO!...Mom, you can't...she isn't...but I ....ok, ok...I'll do it. I said I'll do...love you too...bye."
He hung up the phone, sighed and regarded me sheepishly before whispering in a cowed and shy voice that so totally contrasted with the arrogant soldier I knew and loved that I couldn't help but smile.
"I was wondering if you might be interested in joining my family for Thanksgiving..."
"Soooo...that cat's out of the bag, eh?" I reached over to tickle him as he tried to shoo me away.
"Allie...come on...this is serious. Do you want to come or not?"
"Are you asking me...or is your mom asking me?"
"...Ummmm...is there any way I can answer that question honestly without you refusing?"
"Probably not..."
"Is there any way I can convince you otherwise?" His eyes flashed wickedly as he reached for me.
"...maybe..." I whispered.
So...needless to say I am now going to Dash's place for Thanksgiving. I am finally going to meet his family. Should be interesting.... if the conversation and subsequent reaction I was just witness to is any indication, it should be quite the theatre!
Kansas...here I come.