1 Black
A/n. Pointless really. I haven't been unconscious before, and I really * don't * think you can 'dream' when you are, but, anyway, this chapter is Ginny's PoV in her unconsciousness, and what she's dreaming. – even though I know it probably wouldn't happen! I'm just weird, a freak as Andy kindly said – usually any names don't offend me! ( Bounce off me…LOL!
I was floating, the sensation I'd never felt before. I'd felt emotions like it, like being so happy I believed I could fly, but of course, I can't. I can remember when I once believed I could and leapt out a tree and the result was no I couldn't fly and luckily only a sprained ankle. Floating. Why was I floating? I couldn't fly, I couldn't float, I couldn't even speak. I feel so desperately unhappy, depressed, deprived, empty. A huge gap in my life. I knew what was missing, it was obvious. Friends, real true friends, fun, happiness, love, lust, and instead I had none of that. None, zero, finite. A stupid careless over crowded family, no friend who had noticed I was anorexic and suicidal, is this death? I went out to kill myself, surely I, I…went out in the blizzard to kill myself and then a blackness overtook my senses.
Floating. I'm floating. Floating between something. A decision. No. I'm just depressed. Depressed, a loner, a freak, a retard…I just didn't fit in. No. I've realised why I'm floating. OH MY GOD. I AM floating freely. I'M FREE. The voice, the voice, where is it? Why isn't it speaking?
I know. I've got time to think, think it over. To decide to sink or swim.
I'm depressed, I know that, I'm suicidal, anorexic. I even tried slitting my wrists. It made me feel sick. The vein and blood and the scar…that's why I did it. It hurt me, both physically and mentally. Sink or swim. Float and fly.
Swim. Float. Fly. Live. Free.
I'm going to free myself. I will free myself. And I think I have Harry to thank for saving my life, making my decision.
"NO! Make your * OWN * true decision."
I realised with a sinking heart it was the voice. It was my own, I answered, trying to stay to my target.
"It was Harry's decision. He said it. He said it as something to make you not let your make your own. You're stupid. That was obvious."
It was his…
"Exactly. Not yours. You're sinking Ginny, sinking. You're not going to make it out alive, not as long as I exist. Sink. Fall. Die."
I cried aloud. The floating, flying feeling, it had left me. I was all alone. The voice had won, it dominated me, it ruled me, I couldn't do anything, it'd all gone too far, I couldn't stop it. The heavy eternal weight was back on my mind, it was overwhelming and I couldn't control it, dread and disgust swept over me, It was in control, I couldn't do anything, It ruled me…
"HELP!" I screamed desperately, as the voice kept repeating the last word threateningly. 'Die, die, die, die, die…'
Help. What a word. It awoke something in my heart. Something hopeful.
"Live, live, live, live, live, live, live," this new heart voice started chanting softly against the steady, threatening Voice.
"Live," it revitalised me. And suddenly, this left me, the 'live' voice was still there chanting, but the floating was back. And what had been an eternity in complete dark black, I was floating, FLYING, going higher and higher, the dark becoming lighter and lighter, until I emerged above ground, the sun shining on my hair happily…
I think I won the first battle… as I came to my senses, my eyes so slowly they opened…
"Live."
It'd saved my life. I wanted to live, and the voice couldn't control that, I was going to beat it, banish it from me forever.
"Live."
A/N. WOW. JAY IS CRAZY, I already know that! ( I quite like this abstract chapter, but I don't know if you do so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! Make my day, help me by telling me what you think! Helps the next chapter up sooner. ( If you want me to e-mail when I update this story, just say! I'll be more than happy to! (((((
A/n. Pointless really. I haven't been unconscious before, and I really * don't * think you can 'dream' when you are, but, anyway, this chapter is Ginny's PoV in her unconsciousness, and what she's dreaming. – even though I know it probably wouldn't happen! I'm just weird, a freak as Andy kindly said – usually any names don't offend me! ( Bounce off me…LOL!
I was floating, the sensation I'd never felt before. I'd felt emotions like it, like being so happy I believed I could fly, but of course, I can't. I can remember when I once believed I could and leapt out a tree and the result was no I couldn't fly and luckily only a sprained ankle. Floating. Why was I floating? I couldn't fly, I couldn't float, I couldn't even speak. I feel so desperately unhappy, depressed, deprived, empty. A huge gap in my life. I knew what was missing, it was obvious. Friends, real true friends, fun, happiness, love, lust, and instead I had none of that. None, zero, finite. A stupid careless over crowded family, no friend who had noticed I was anorexic and suicidal, is this death? I went out to kill myself, surely I, I…went out in the blizzard to kill myself and then a blackness overtook my senses.
Floating. I'm floating. Floating between something. A decision. No. I'm just depressed. Depressed, a loner, a freak, a retard…I just didn't fit in. No. I've realised why I'm floating. OH MY GOD. I AM floating freely. I'M FREE. The voice, the voice, where is it? Why isn't it speaking?
I know. I've got time to think, think it over. To decide to sink or swim.
I'm depressed, I know that, I'm suicidal, anorexic. I even tried slitting my wrists. It made me feel sick. The vein and blood and the scar…that's why I did it. It hurt me, both physically and mentally. Sink or swim. Float and fly.
Swim. Float. Fly. Live. Free.
I'm going to free myself. I will free myself. And I think I have Harry to thank for saving my life, making my decision.
"NO! Make your * OWN * true decision."
I realised with a sinking heart it was the voice. It was my own, I answered, trying to stay to my target.
"It was Harry's decision. He said it. He said it as something to make you not let your make your own. You're stupid. That was obvious."
It was his…
"Exactly. Not yours. You're sinking Ginny, sinking. You're not going to make it out alive, not as long as I exist. Sink. Fall. Die."
I cried aloud. The floating, flying feeling, it had left me. I was all alone. The voice had won, it dominated me, it ruled me, I couldn't do anything, it'd all gone too far, I couldn't stop it. The heavy eternal weight was back on my mind, it was overwhelming and I couldn't control it, dread and disgust swept over me, It was in control, I couldn't do anything, It ruled me…
"HELP!" I screamed desperately, as the voice kept repeating the last word threateningly. 'Die, die, die, die, die…'
Help. What a word. It awoke something in my heart. Something hopeful.
"Live, live, live, live, live, live, live," this new heart voice started chanting softly against the steady, threatening Voice.
"Live," it revitalised me. And suddenly, this left me, the 'live' voice was still there chanting, but the floating was back. And what had been an eternity in complete dark black, I was floating, FLYING, going higher and higher, the dark becoming lighter and lighter, until I emerged above ground, the sun shining on my hair happily…
I think I won the first battle… as I came to my senses, my eyes so slowly they opened…
"Live."
It'd saved my life. I wanted to live, and the voice couldn't control that, I was going to beat it, banish it from me forever.
"Live."
A/N. WOW. JAY IS CRAZY, I already know that! ( I quite like this abstract chapter, but I don't know if you do so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! Make my day, help me by telling me what you think! Helps the next chapter up sooner. ( If you want me to e-mail when I update this story, just say! I'll be more than happy to! (((((