DISTANT MEMORIES Chapter 4.
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Distant Memories.
"Where?" Chakotay's need to hold her was intense, but she would never allow that, he stepped back.
Kathryn missed being held. Smiling inside she wondered what Star fleet would make of a Captain who every once in a while needed a hug. Stepping to his side, she slipped her arm into his, "my quarters."
He nodded, as she gave him a smile that tugged his heart. His expression softened, as did his tone. "I've missed you Kathryn."
Feeling her smile starting to fade she lowered her head; this was going to be hard "I've been right here Chakotay, maybe you weren't looking in the right places?"
Watching her, as the memories flashed through his head. He wondered if she would understand if he tried to explain the feelings that were threatening to engulf him. He had no choice. Kathryn was the only one he could tell, he was tired of being lonely.
In the lift, Kathryn began to wonder if this was such a good idea.
As he followed her in and she started to pick up items from the table moving toward the replicator until she remembered did not work. She paused, looking uneasy now. He sat by the window, and waited.
The full force of her situation hit home. There wasn't a single person on Voyager, in whom she could confide that she might just be getting in over her head. She ran her hands anxiously over the back of the chair. No! That's wrong there was one Chakotay her friend. Surely that meant she should be able to tell him she was tired of being alone.
"Chakotay." was as far as she got. Tears slid down her cheeks, her breathing growing uneven as she tried to stop.
He moved forward concern all over his face "You're crying"
"I'm okay...sorry.. " She hiccupped as she tried to hold back the tears. Placing his index finger under her chin, he raised her head making his friend look at him, as he spoke.
"Kathryn, tell me?"
"I just don't..want.." she tried to control her tears, "I don't want to be alone..."
He watched as Kathryn raised her hand wiping away a tear, one of many rolling down his face.
Wrapping her arms around him, she held him to her. Raising his arms, he held her tight as the tears continued to fall - not only from his eyes - but also from hers.
"Neither do I..." as he spoke, she tightened her hold. Burying her face in his shoulder, she tried to forget their tears because each one broke her heart.
Pulling apart, they gazed at each other intently, as if they were trying to commit the other to memory. Neither Chakotay nor Kathryn knew who moved first, but their lips meet in a friendly kiss, each needing to reassure the other that it was okay.
"Always "At his words, her legs gave way and she slumped into the chair.
"Kathryn" he fell to his knees in front of her taking her hands in his.
"Chakotay. " She replied looking down at his hands covering hers and took a deep breath before letting it out slowly "don't please.."
"Kathryn you have to hear this."
Raising her eyes to his, there was a look of understanding. She nodded it was all she could do.
Closing his eyes, he bowed his head. Silence passed for several moments. He looked as if he were struggling with his thoughts. "Kathryn I love you" he raised his finger to her lips indicating that she not speak yet "From the first moment I saw you, I felt I could trust you and I do." Kathryn listened intently and nodded in agreement letting him know she felt the same.
He continued, "Until New Earth I didn't know how deep my feelings might go, but I Realised then that I could fall in love with you. But you were engaged to another man all I could do was tell you a legend." She placed a hand on his face as he spoke. Taking his other she joined their hands as they had that night long ago. Distant Memories.
"I couldn't ask you not to love him, maybe with more time..." A tear slipped from the corner of her eye he moved to kiss it away.
"Then we got the letters I hoped that soon you would feel ready to move on, but things were not meant to be." He paused raising both hands to hold her face "As you said then our life is not uneventful. I should have told you then." As he spoke, she seemed to be looking into his very soul. "But we've always had bad timing Kathryn, after that I started to realise the longer we waited the less chance we had. Oh, I wished we'd had more time on New Earth. We can only dream of what we might have had if we were still there"
Moving to sit beside her taking both hands in his, "I need you Kathryn. I need my best friend, I don't want to live a day without you" She released his hands, for a moment time stood still. Standing she moved toward her desk. Her back turned to him. After all this time, she finally felt ready to tell him how she felt and now he didn't love her anymore.
Is this what he'd felt like all these years having his love refused.
She felt his breath on her neck she felt his concern placing his hands on her shoulders he turned her to face him "Kathryn?" his eyes were full of love but only for a friend, it seemed.
She had to speak "I'll always be here for you too." She traced her finger over his tattoo this was the last time she'd allow herself to touch him. He caught her hand with his a look of uncertainty on his face.
Chakotay had not expected this. He thought she would be glad to be free, to be friends. He realised something had changed. She'd changed.
"I'm glad you're my friend Chakotay, and that you loved me." she spoke keeping her head low "I wish I could feel differently Chakotay, but I don't think I can"
His expression tore at her as "I wish you could too Kathryn, but I know you'll never love me as I love you"
Her head snapped up "What?"
He repeated slowly "I said I wish.."
She drew a ragged breath "No I heard you, I mean I do." His expression made her laugh
"I love you Chakotay"
The End
There is always time. In addition, where there is time, there is hope. If you need either turn, your eyes and you will always find me.
PLEASE*****REVIEW*******REVIEW*********REVIEW********THANKS
Please review. Thanks
Distant Memories.
"Where?" Chakotay's need to hold her was intense, but she would never allow that, he stepped back.
Kathryn missed being held. Smiling inside she wondered what Star fleet would make of a Captain who every once in a while needed a hug. Stepping to his side, she slipped her arm into his, "my quarters."
He nodded, as she gave him a smile that tugged his heart. His expression softened, as did his tone. "I've missed you Kathryn."
Feeling her smile starting to fade she lowered her head; this was going to be hard "I've been right here Chakotay, maybe you weren't looking in the right places?"
Watching her, as the memories flashed through his head. He wondered if she would understand if he tried to explain the feelings that were threatening to engulf him. He had no choice. Kathryn was the only one he could tell, he was tired of being lonely.
In the lift, Kathryn began to wonder if this was such a good idea.
As he followed her in and she started to pick up items from the table moving toward the replicator until she remembered did not work. She paused, looking uneasy now. He sat by the window, and waited.
The full force of her situation hit home. There wasn't a single person on Voyager, in whom she could confide that she might just be getting in over her head. She ran her hands anxiously over the back of the chair. No! That's wrong there was one Chakotay her friend. Surely that meant she should be able to tell him she was tired of being alone.
"Chakotay." was as far as she got. Tears slid down her cheeks, her breathing growing uneven as she tried to stop.
He moved forward concern all over his face "You're crying"
"I'm okay...sorry.. " She hiccupped as she tried to hold back the tears. Placing his index finger under her chin, he raised her head making his friend look at him, as he spoke.
"Kathryn, tell me?"
"I just don't..want.." she tried to control her tears, "I don't want to be alone..."
He watched as Kathryn raised her hand wiping away a tear, one of many rolling down his face.
Wrapping her arms around him, she held him to her. Raising his arms, he held her tight as the tears continued to fall - not only from his eyes - but also from hers.
"Neither do I..." as he spoke, she tightened her hold. Burying her face in his shoulder, she tried to forget their tears because each one broke her heart.
Pulling apart, they gazed at each other intently, as if they were trying to commit the other to memory. Neither Chakotay nor Kathryn knew who moved first, but their lips meet in a friendly kiss, each needing to reassure the other that it was okay.
"Always "At his words, her legs gave way and she slumped into the chair.
"Kathryn" he fell to his knees in front of her taking her hands in his.
"Chakotay. " She replied looking down at his hands covering hers and took a deep breath before letting it out slowly "don't please.."
"Kathryn you have to hear this."
Raising her eyes to his, there was a look of understanding. She nodded it was all she could do.
Closing his eyes, he bowed his head. Silence passed for several moments. He looked as if he were struggling with his thoughts. "Kathryn I love you" he raised his finger to her lips indicating that she not speak yet "From the first moment I saw you, I felt I could trust you and I do." Kathryn listened intently and nodded in agreement letting him know she felt the same.
He continued, "Until New Earth I didn't know how deep my feelings might go, but I Realised then that I could fall in love with you. But you were engaged to another man all I could do was tell you a legend." She placed a hand on his face as he spoke. Taking his other she joined their hands as they had that night long ago. Distant Memories.
"I couldn't ask you not to love him, maybe with more time..." A tear slipped from the corner of her eye he moved to kiss it away.
"Then we got the letters I hoped that soon you would feel ready to move on, but things were not meant to be." He paused raising both hands to hold her face "As you said then our life is not uneventful. I should have told you then." As he spoke, she seemed to be looking into his very soul. "But we've always had bad timing Kathryn, after that I started to realise the longer we waited the less chance we had. Oh, I wished we'd had more time on New Earth. We can only dream of what we might have had if we were still there"
Moving to sit beside her taking both hands in his, "I need you Kathryn. I need my best friend, I don't want to live a day without you" She released his hands, for a moment time stood still. Standing she moved toward her desk. Her back turned to him. After all this time, she finally felt ready to tell him how she felt and now he didn't love her anymore.
Is this what he'd felt like all these years having his love refused.
She felt his breath on her neck she felt his concern placing his hands on her shoulders he turned her to face him "Kathryn?" his eyes were full of love but only for a friend, it seemed.
She had to speak "I'll always be here for you too." She traced her finger over his tattoo this was the last time she'd allow herself to touch him. He caught her hand with his a look of uncertainty on his face.
Chakotay had not expected this. He thought she would be glad to be free, to be friends. He realised something had changed. She'd changed.
"I'm glad you're my friend Chakotay, and that you loved me." she spoke keeping her head low "I wish I could feel differently Chakotay, but I don't think I can"
His expression tore at her as "I wish you could too Kathryn, but I know you'll never love me as I love you"
Her head snapped up "What?"
He repeated slowly "I said I wish.."
She drew a ragged breath "No I heard you, I mean I do." His expression made her laugh
"I love you Chakotay"
The End
There is always time. In addition, where there is time, there is hope. If you need either turn, your eyes and you will always find me.
PLEASE*****REVIEW*******REVIEW*********REVIEW********THANKS