Chapter 17 is here, and it's about time. Sorry guys! You have no idea how
busy I am this year (well, maybe some of you do *cough* Anya *cough*).
Also, I just saw Tuck Everlasting (SOOOOO good by the way) and it's taken
me a while to get back into Tamora Pierce mode. Tee-hee. So sorry again
and enjoy chapter 17 of.
Bubba's Revenge!
Arianne had already begun formulating her plans to convince Kerry to join her crusade to avenge Bubba's death. Should she use her patented puppy-dog-face? No. Puppy-dog-faces don't work on Embroidery Serial Killers. It looked like all signs were pointed to "tell the truth!". Oh well, here goes nothing. "So, Kerry, what do you think of Schuyler?" she asked, attempting a casual conversation. Kerry looked very taken aback, as if she wasn't thinking about that at all. She replied, "Well, I never liked him much, even before he mutilated your stuffed animal." Arianne exploded, "HE IS NOT A STUFFED ANIMAL!" She went dreamy- eyed. "He's a TEDDY BEAR!" Arianne sighed and continued to say, "the most perfect teddy bear to ever walk the planet." She turned to Kerry as if nothing had happened and told her to continue. Eyeing Arianne strangely, Kerry told Arianne her opinion about Schuyler. It consisted of the following: "I didn't mind him terribly until the day that you were betrothed. I noticed then that he was trying to play "Mr. Wonderful". That really got on my nerves. I also noticed how much you loathe and despise him. I could tell because you were using your dangerously polite voice, and you were so stiff sitting next to him that I could have snapped you in half. That's the real reason that I hate him; you hate him. I have to go with your instincts." __________________________________________________________________
And so it went. And before Arianne knew it, she and Kerry were scaling the castle wall, heading for Schuyler's bedroom window. __________________________________________________________________
Arianne and her sister entered Schuyler's shadowy window stealthily, making no noise and becoming like shadows themselves. They slunk over to his bed, looked down for a moment on his loathsome face, and then softly made noises of disgust. Arianne and Kerry went to opposite sides of the bed. They simultaneously exchanged grim nods, and both pulled out long, thin objects from the small sacs that they were wearing. The feeble light of a waning candle by Schuyler's bed illuminated the objects. They were long, polished pieces of wood, topped with an inch or so of very flexible horsehairs. Some would call it a Paintbrush. Others (such as Arianne and Kerry) would call it an Instrument of Ultimate Revenge. Out of the sacs came another thing. Both girls pulled out red jars labeled "PermaPaint---WARNING---use extreme caution, paint cannot be removed by physical or magical means and will remain on the painted object until the end of time" (A.N. Hey, they had mages! It could happen!). Arianne mouthed to her sister, "I'll take the stomach, and you take the head." Kerry nodded to show she understood, and grinned whilst she pulled a semi-blunted knife from her sac. Arianne took the knife and cut slowly through Schuyler's shirt, splitting it down the middle. She handed the knife back to her sister, and then dipped her Instrument of Ultimate Revenge (known hereafter as "IUR") into her PermaPaint jar. She grinned in spite of herself, and set to work
Their task was completed. The sisters climbed back out of the window, the size of their sacs increased by a hundred. Having difficulty trying to stifle their laughter, they quickly climbed down the wall and ran out of the palace gates. Then Arianne and Kerry threw their sacks into a large stream that fed into the Royal Forest. They watched them bob up and down towards the forest until they were out of sight.
~That Morning~
Schuyler woke up, smiling in a sinister way. He had dreamt that he was finally married to that Serenitatis girl (what was her name? Oh yes; Arianne) and he had control over her fief, having killed her family members, just like he planned to do when she surfaced. She had been missing for several weeks, now. He frowned at the thought. If she died, then he would have to go to a lot of trouble to kill the other Serenitatis girl's husband and win her hand in marriage. The Serenitatis fief was well worth the trouble, though. Chock full of black opals. Those foolish peasants walked on mountains of the stuff and didn't even notice it. "And to think," he mused. "I wouldn't have known about it either if I hadn't come across a chunk of it when I was running through the forest, playing Seek-and-Hide with that stupid girl." He laughed softly to himself. He supposed it was time to get out of bed, so he yanked himself out of his drowsy state and pulled the covers down. He noticed with some surprise that he no longer had a shirt on. He also noticed that he could feel skin on the back of his head brushing the pillow. That was weird; he was a firm believer in a full head of hair. Also, his room looked somehow different. He couldn't quite place it in the early morning hours, but. Mirrors. The whole room was one big mirror. The walls, the floor, the ceiling, and with the help of said mirrors, Schuyler noticed something else, and let out and earsplitting yell. Drawn directly on his stomach was a red teddy bear, and one of its eyes was closed in what was unmistakably a wink. Right above the teddy bear, on his chest (which was covered with hair when he had gone to bed the night before, and now was not) there was something painted in the same color red, clear as day, that read, "You messed with the wrong." Schuyler put the whole thing together and it was, "You messed with the wrong teddy bear". Remembering the feeling of bare skin on his head, he looked up at the ceiling (now a mirror) and read the message that was painted on the top of his shaved head with the same color as the other. It said, "Bubba's Revenge!" Schuyler gaped for a moment, and then he gaped some more. He sat on his bed for a full ten minutes, staring at his 6 reflections, which seemed to be mocking him. He was trying to remember if he had ever met anyone by the name of Bubba, and what he had done to offend them. Finally, he got out of bed and walked to his chest of drawers, prepared to wear the heaviest and most concealing clothes that he owned. Even a hat would be necessary until his hair grew back. He opened one of his drawers, and was mortified to find that it was completely void of anything save a piece of parchment with an illustration of a teddy bear on it. He was catching on now. He flung open all the drawers, one after the other, and it was the same with them. He moaned in panic and ran across his mirror/floor to his closet. He opened it, and it was completely empty. It seemed to Schuyler that the silence that followed was full of laughing voices. He roared his frustration and stormed into his main room. Again, mirrors had taken the place of his walls. The wood had been taken off of the fireplace and tossed across the room. There were ashes smeared all over his favorite green chair. And above the mantle piece was a picture of something that by now he wished had never existed. A teddy bear. Winking.
Arianne and Kerry waited apprehensively at the entrance to the noble's dining hall. Schuyler would be down any moment. They had heard a bloodcurdling scream almost 15 minutes ago. They were just about to leave when they heard something that sounded like footsteps coming their way. Almost like footsteps, except they were almost silent, as if the one who was walking was tiptoeing, not wanting to be discovered. Kerry and Arianne exchanged diabolical grins and resumed their posts by the dining hall door.
When Schuyler came into view, the sisters were hard pressed to keep from falling on the floor and dying of laughter. He was completely devoid of clothes save for the large picture of Bubba that the girls had placed above his fireplace. This he had strategically wrapped around his midsection, almost like a loincloth. The messages that they had painted on him shined brightly and clearly as day. Arianne and Kerry allowed themselves medium-sized mocking smiles, so he wouldn't suspect them and ruin the final stage of their revenge. As soon as Schuyler saw the girls, he blushed a cherry red, and started to slouch towards them. He said in a low voice that quivered slightly, "If either of you breathe a word of this to anyone, I will personally see to it that you are accused of adultery and discharged in disgrace. Is that perfectly clear?" The sisters tried to look meek and frightened, but it failed. Arianne decided that this was the time to reveal herself and complete Bubba's revenge. She pulled off her blond wig and shook out her curls, straightening her back and lifting her chin, as a noble should. Kerry, following her sister's lead, removed her black curly wig and shook out her hair. Schuyler gasped and began to back away, stumbling over polite explanations, "Lady Arianne, I beg your pardon.how.what." It seemed as if Schuyler had given up the explanations, because in the next second he made a move like he was going to make a run for it. Arianne grabbed him painfully by the arm, whispered "For Bubba" and thrust him through the dining hall door, in the midst of dozens of Tortall's most powerful people, including the entire Royal Family. Arianne and Kerry magically repaired the glass door in a fraction of a second, cutting off the evil one's only possible means of escape. They gave each other high-fives, and skipped all the way out of the palace and into Corus, where Arianne of Serenitatis bid farewell to her friends. After saying goodbye, the sisters bought an inexpensive packhorse with Arianne's remaining money and set off at a steady pace for Serenitatis. Schuyler stood in the center of hundreds of eyes, all on which seemed to be focused on him. There was a very awkward silence as the nobles of Tortall stared at the man with a teddy bear on his stomach, and nothing in the way of clothes besides a picture of the very same teddy bear fashioned into a type of loincloth. There was a titter here and there, suppressed giggles, and Schuyler almost thought that politeness would save him, as no one would be so forward to comment on him. He was just about to slip out of the door when a very small little boy grabbed him by one of his fingers and said in a very solemn voice, "Mister, you gots a teddy bear on your tummy." This was the final test for the well-brought up, noble audience. To make a long story short, they failed the test. The crowd of onlookers howled with laughter and pointed at the almost bare man with a picture of a stuffed animal painted on his torso with bright red paint. Schuyler swirved to face the little boy and raised his fist as if to deliver a crushing blow. He might have succeeded if a sapphire blue light had not enfolded his hand, immobilizing it. King Jonathon, the mage king, gazed calmly down at Schuyler of Iybola, saying, "Sir Schuyler, I confess myself extremely disappointed. A knight does not behave in such a fashion. Disgracing your fief and family by putting on this outrageous display is absolutely unacceptable." The corners of the king's mouth twitched. "And to attempt to strike a child, especially one of noble birth, is definitely not part of the Code of Chivalry. To flout the Code of Chivalry in such a manner can only lead to one punishment." The crowd gave an audible hiss, and Schuyler cowered. The king continued, "Schuyler of Iybola, you leave me no choice but to strip you of your Knighthood and your noble title. Let us hope that you will see fit to behave more appropriately in the future as a common peasant." Schuyler gaped at the mage king, and began to stutter. He looked around as if begging his former noble brethren to speak for him, but no one did. Then it hit him. He was no longer Sir Schuyler of Iybola, betrothed of Arianne of Serenitatis; he was Schuyler, peasant of Tortall. He slouched slowly out of the room, amidst the booing of the crowd, and then he slouched slowly out of the palace gates, and eventually he slouched slowly out of Tortall into Scanra, never to be seen again. As for Arianne, she became betrothed again, this time to Timothy of Harrold, whom she truly loved, and they lived happily ever after.
Bubba's Revenge!
Arianne had already begun formulating her plans to convince Kerry to join her crusade to avenge Bubba's death. Should she use her patented puppy-dog-face? No. Puppy-dog-faces don't work on Embroidery Serial Killers. It looked like all signs were pointed to "tell the truth!". Oh well, here goes nothing. "So, Kerry, what do you think of Schuyler?" she asked, attempting a casual conversation. Kerry looked very taken aback, as if she wasn't thinking about that at all. She replied, "Well, I never liked him much, even before he mutilated your stuffed animal." Arianne exploded, "HE IS NOT A STUFFED ANIMAL!" She went dreamy- eyed. "He's a TEDDY BEAR!" Arianne sighed and continued to say, "the most perfect teddy bear to ever walk the planet." She turned to Kerry as if nothing had happened and told her to continue. Eyeing Arianne strangely, Kerry told Arianne her opinion about Schuyler. It consisted of the following: "I didn't mind him terribly until the day that you were betrothed. I noticed then that he was trying to play "Mr. Wonderful". That really got on my nerves. I also noticed how much you loathe and despise him. I could tell because you were using your dangerously polite voice, and you were so stiff sitting next to him that I could have snapped you in half. That's the real reason that I hate him; you hate him. I have to go with your instincts." __________________________________________________________________
And so it went. And before Arianne knew it, she and Kerry were scaling the castle wall, heading for Schuyler's bedroom window. __________________________________________________________________
Arianne and her sister entered Schuyler's shadowy window stealthily, making no noise and becoming like shadows themselves. They slunk over to his bed, looked down for a moment on his loathsome face, and then softly made noises of disgust. Arianne and Kerry went to opposite sides of the bed. They simultaneously exchanged grim nods, and both pulled out long, thin objects from the small sacs that they were wearing. The feeble light of a waning candle by Schuyler's bed illuminated the objects. They were long, polished pieces of wood, topped with an inch or so of very flexible horsehairs. Some would call it a Paintbrush. Others (such as Arianne and Kerry) would call it an Instrument of Ultimate Revenge. Out of the sacs came another thing. Both girls pulled out red jars labeled "PermaPaint---WARNING---use extreme caution, paint cannot be removed by physical or magical means and will remain on the painted object until the end of time" (A.N. Hey, they had mages! It could happen!). Arianne mouthed to her sister, "I'll take the stomach, and you take the head." Kerry nodded to show she understood, and grinned whilst she pulled a semi-blunted knife from her sac. Arianne took the knife and cut slowly through Schuyler's shirt, splitting it down the middle. She handed the knife back to her sister, and then dipped her Instrument of Ultimate Revenge (known hereafter as "IUR") into her PermaPaint jar. She grinned in spite of herself, and set to work
Their task was completed. The sisters climbed back out of the window, the size of their sacs increased by a hundred. Having difficulty trying to stifle their laughter, they quickly climbed down the wall and ran out of the palace gates. Then Arianne and Kerry threw their sacks into a large stream that fed into the Royal Forest. They watched them bob up and down towards the forest until they were out of sight.
~That Morning~
Schuyler woke up, smiling in a sinister way. He had dreamt that he was finally married to that Serenitatis girl (what was her name? Oh yes; Arianne) and he had control over her fief, having killed her family members, just like he planned to do when she surfaced. She had been missing for several weeks, now. He frowned at the thought. If she died, then he would have to go to a lot of trouble to kill the other Serenitatis girl's husband and win her hand in marriage. The Serenitatis fief was well worth the trouble, though. Chock full of black opals. Those foolish peasants walked on mountains of the stuff and didn't even notice it. "And to think," he mused. "I wouldn't have known about it either if I hadn't come across a chunk of it when I was running through the forest, playing Seek-and-Hide with that stupid girl." He laughed softly to himself. He supposed it was time to get out of bed, so he yanked himself out of his drowsy state and pulled the covers down. He noticed with some surprise that he no longer had a shirt on. He also noticed that he could feel skin on the back of his head brushing the pillow. That was weird; he was a firm believer in a full head of hair. Also, his room looked somehow different. He couldn't quite place it in the early morning hours, but. Mirrors. The whole room was one big mirror. The walls, the floor, the ceiling, and with the help of said mirrors, Schuyler noticed something else, and let out and earsplitting yell. Drawn directly on his stomach was a red teddy bear, and one of its eyes was closed in what was unmistakably a wink. Right above the teddy bear, on his chest (which was covered with hair when he had gone to bed the night before, and now was not) there was something painted in the same color red, clear as day, that read, "You messed with the wrong." Schuyler put the whole thing together and it was, "You messed with the wrong teddy bear". Remembering the feeling of bare skin on his head, he looked up at the ceiling (now a mirror) and read the message that was painted on the top of his shaved head with the same color as the other. It said, "Bubba's Revenge!" Schuyler gaped for a moment, and then he gaped some more. He sat on his bed for a full ten minutes, staring at his 6 reflections, which seemed to be mocking him. He was trying to remember if he had ever met anyone by the name of Bubba, and what he had done to offend them. Finally, he got out of bed and walked to his chest of drawers, prepared to wear the heaviest and most concealing clothes that he owned. Even a hat would be necessary until his hair grew back. He opened one of his drawers, and was mortified to find that it was completely void of anything save a piece of parchment with an illustration of a teddy bear on it. He was catching on now. He flung open all the drawers, one after the other, and it was the same with them. He moaned in panic and ran across his mirror/floor to his closet. He opened it, and it was completely empty. It seemed to Schuyler that the silence that followed was full of laughing voices. He roared his frustration and stormed into his main room. Again, mirrors had taken the place of his walls. The wood had been taken off of the fireplace and tossed across the room. There were ashes smeared all over his favorite green chair. And above the mantle piece was a picture of something that by now he wished had never existed. A teddy bear. Winking.
Arianne and Kerry waited apprehensively at the entrance to the noble's dining hall. Schuyler would be down any moment. They had heard a bloodcurdling scream almost 15 minutes ago. They were just about to leave when they heard something that sounded like footsteps coming their way. Almost like footsteps, except they were almost silent, as if the one who was walking was tiptoeing, not wanting to be discovered. Kerry and Arianne exchanged diabolical grins and resumed their posts by the dining hall door.
When Schuyler came into view, the sisters were hard pressed to keep from falling on the floor and dying of laughter. He was completely devoid of clothes save for the large picture of Bubba that the girls had placed above his fireplace. This he had strategically wrapped around his midsection, almost like a loincloth. The messages that they had painted on him shined brightly and clearly as day. Arianne and Kerry allowed themselves medium-sized mocking smiles, so he wouldn't suspect them and ruin the final stage of their revenge. As soon as Schuyler saw the girls, he blushed a cherry red, and started to slouch towards them. He said in a low voice that quivered slightly, "If either of you breathe a word of this to anyone, I will personally see to it that you are accused of adultery and discharged in disgrace. Is that perfectly clear?" The sisters tried to look meek and frightened, but it failed. Arianne decided that this was the time to reveal herself and complete Bubba's revenge. She pulled off her blond wig and shook out her curls, straightening her back and lifting her chin, as a noble should. Kerry, following her sister's lead, removed her black curly wig and shook out her hair. Schuyler gasped and began to back away, stumbling over polite explanations, "Lady Arianne, I beg your pardon.how.what." It seemed as if Schuyler had given up the explanations, because in the next second he made a move like he was going to make a run for it. Arianne grabbed him painfully by the arm, whispered "For Bubba" and thrust him through the dining hall door, in the midst of dozens of Tortall's most powerful people, including the entire Royal Family. Arianne and Kerry magically repaired the glass door in a fraction of a second, cutting off the evil one's only possible means of escape. They gave each other high-fives, and skipped all the way out of the palace and into Corus, where Arianne of Serenitatis bid farewell to her friends. After saying goodbye, the sisters bought an inexpensive packhorse with Arianne's remaining money and set off at a steady pace for Serenitatis. Schuyler stood in the center of hundreds of eyes, all on which seemed to be focused on him. There was a very awkward silence as the nobles of Tortall stared at the man with a teddy bear on his stomach, and nothing in the way of clothes besides a picture of the very same teddy bear fashioned into a type of loincloth. There was a titter here and there, suppressed giggles, and Schuyler almost thought that politeness would save him, as no one would be so forward to comment on him. He was just about to slip out of the door when a very small little boy grabbed him by one of his fingers and said in a very solemn voice, "Mister, you gots a teddy bear on your tummy." This was the final test for the well-brought up, noble audience. To make a long story short, they failed the test. The crowd of onlookers howled with laughter and pointed at the almost bare man with a picture of a stuffed animal painted on his torso with bright red paint. Schuyler swirved to face the little boy and raised his fist as if to deliver a crushing blow. He might have succeeded if a sapphire blue light had not enfolded his hand, immobilizing it. King Jonathon, the mage king, gazed calmly down at Schuyler of Iybola, saying, "Sir Schuyler, I confess myself extremely disappointed. A knight does not behave in such a fashion. Disgracing your fief and family by putting on this outrageous display is absolutely unacceptable." The corners of the king's mouth twitched. "And to attempt to strike a child, especially one of noble birth, is definitely not part of the Code of Chivalry. To flout the Code of Chivalry in such a manner can only lead to one punishment." The crowd gave an audible hiss, and Schuyler cowered. The king continued, "Schuyler of Iybola, you leave me no choice but to strip you of your Knighthood and your noble title. Let us hope that you will see fit to behave more appropriately in the future as a common peasant." Schuyler gaped at the mage king, and began to stutter. He looked around as if begging his former noble brethren to speak for him, but no one did. Then it hit him. He was no longer Sir Schuyler of Iybola, betrothed of Arianne of Serenitatis; he was Schuyler, peasant of Tortall. He slouched slowly out of the room, amidst the booing of the crowd, and then he slouched slowly out of the palace gates, and eventually he slouched slowly out of Tortall into Scanra, never to be seen again. As for Arianne, she became betrothed again, this time to Timothy of Harrold, whom she truly loved, and they lived happily ever after.