The Slash Files
By Kay
Disclaimer: ... see previous chapter. ::eyes glaze over:: All miiiine...
Author's Notes: We continue! ... heeheheeeeeee. I'm so giddy on sugar and OJ that it ain't funny. ^__^
Jalil: -_- Dear god... again...
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File: 19834729137813374--299
Subject: "David Levin"
(Interview begins; tape starts)
Dr. Magnus: So, David... how are you today?
David: ...
Dr. Magnus: Did you have an okay morning, David? Sleep well last night, David? Good minty fresh air, David?
David: ... you don't have to patronize me, you know. I'm perfectly aware that you don't give a damn.
Dr. Magnus: Now, that's not a nice thing to say, David.
David: Neither is asking someone if they had "good, minty fresh air".
Dr. Magnus: I was only being polite, David.. Now, David, we should get down to the focus of our session today.
David: Uh-huh. You guys have great walls. Nice and padded. You know, the barred windows are little to much, don't you think?
Dr. Magnus: We're not here to talk about interior decorating, David. David, we're here to talk about your problems with... reality. David.
David: Why the hell do you keep saying my name?!
(sound of hysterical crying is heard)
Dr. Magnus: That's right, let it all out, David. It's the only way to discover your inner child and the root to your insecurities, David. Oh, David, I'm so happy you're taking the first step, David, David, Dav--
David: The only thing that I'm insecure about it your repetition of my freakin' name! Are you stupid?! It's bad enough I sound like some goddamn biblical hero, but then--
Dr. Magnus: Do you have problems with religion, David?
David: Yeah. I'm mad God created you. (And not hilluphampicasus.)
(sounds of pen tapping)
Dr. Magnus: That wasn't very nice, David. Shall we move on? How about your hallucinations, hm, David? In Everworld, then, David? What about those?
David: They weren't hallucinations-- they were real. Ask the others, they know it, they all know what happened! They were there when... when... dear god...
Dr. Magnus: Yes, they're giving their accounts also in the rooms next door. But we're here to talk about you, David. David only. You, David Levin. Please give me your own insight, David.
David: ... there were a lot of... shiny things...
Dr. Magnus: Mm-hmmm.
David: Rabbits and such.
(sound of nervous shifting)
David: I got a sword. Almost killed a pig once, but it back talked. Led some armies into war, that sort of thing... kind of stupid, really, because I didn't even get paid for it usually. What about the other heroes in wars? They always get paid. Jesus, all I got was my name pronounced badly, and some freaky-witch woman after my ass...
Dr. Magnus: ... are you referring to Miss Wales, then, David?
David: ... stupid crazy witchy-woman... smoking weirdo, I swear. She thinks she can do magic. Magic! Can you believe it?!
(rabid giggling is heard)
David: Stupid oaf. She had one to many down the hatchet, ya know? One second she's eating some suspicious looking white thing on the ground, the next... poof! La la land. She claims she's a witch that everyone's chasing, and that she has me under a love spell. How messed up is that? We were only chased because, well... Christopher stole that stupid "Love Telegram" Loki had in his castle... and Jalil was... well, Jalil.
(muttering)
David: ... to sexy for his own good...
Dr. Magnus: Tell me more about what you're feeling, David.
David: I don't know what Senna ate, but it messed her up good. Kept saying I was her knight in shining armor and stuff. Crazy man. She kept throwing herself at dragons and crocodiles, hoping I'd save her...
(embarrassed cough)
David: Couldn't let the poor things die. I mean, whatever she was smoking obviously ruined her blood and all. Sides... the flirting she did, it wasn't cool. Jalil was right there and all. He didn't like that, oh boy, he did not. Man, I swear, he hated her soooo bad by the end of the first day. Kept giving her these dark, murderous looks every time she made a move towards me or Christopher.
Dr. Magnus: Let's talk about this, David. Was Jalil jealous, David?
David: F---- yeah. He's been going with Christopher forever now. And well... I was the hero of the expedition, you know... got to make certain rules...
(snickering)
David: I think the only reason Senna didn't destroy or rape me outright was because she knew Jalil would kill her. He's a possessive little thing, y'know.
Dr. Magnus: ...
David: Are we done yet? I promised I'd teach April to play Risk. I'm a General over there, you know. Big time stuff. Kicking alien ass and all.
Dr. Magnus: Alright, we'll meet again tomorrow...
David: I will hold the countries of the world in my hand! Mwahahahaha--
(tape recorder shuts off; silence)
End of File
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... erm. I take no blame. It'll get funnier, I promise. And no insult is meant to psychiatrists. ;)
::glomps:: Review and I'll do something special for you~. Like... like... uh... damn. Okay, so I won't. Crud.
... I'll hug you! BWAHAHAHAA! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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