File: 289371908274938--397
Subject: "Christopher Hitchcock"
(Interview begins; tape starts)
Dr. Yaona: Good afternoon, Mr. Hitchcock. How are you feeling today?
Christopher: ... how would you feel if you were in sex withdrawl?!
(long, drawn out pause)
Dr. Yaona: Excuse me?
Christopher: Goddamn it, I've been stuck in that tiny cell of yours for a day or two now! I NEED SEX. I need sex NOW. And some television. God, how do you people live without 'Friends'? Or 'Will and Grace'? It's like some goddamn punishment-- is this about the time I told Senna that we all thought she bleached her hair?! I swear. If it is--
Dr. Yaona: I assure you, this isn't a punishment, Mr. Hitchcock. You're here because we're concerned about the hallucinations you've had lately. The ones about--
Christopher: Everworld is not a hallucination. Just a parallel world. I thought I went through this with the last therapist? It's like the Mickey Mouse analogy I did that one time, with the balloon and puking--
Dr. Yaona: Yes, we have that in our records.
Christopher: --and the submarine and all. I mean, what else do you want to know?
Dr. Yaona: Well, for starters, Mr. Hitchcock... how can you explain all of these to be true? According to the records, you claim every inhabitant of Everworld spoke English.
Christopher: Actually, I think that might have been a Douglas Adams thing. You know, with the fish thing you stick in your ear? And understand any language?
Dr. Yaona: ... you stuck a fish in your ear? (Was it trout?)
Christopher: Well, not really. I mean, I must have. I don't remember doing it, but then again, Jalil says we made out on Galahad's kitchen table, and I don't remember that either.
Dr. Yaona: I... see.
Christopher: On the other hand, maybe we all heard English because it was a convenient plot hole.
(sound of feet tapping on floor)
Christopher: ... yeeeeah. A plot hole. Like in Alice in Wonderland. Only without white rabbits.
Dr. Yaona: Mr. David Levin mentioned rabbits in his own interviews-- are you sure you don't recall any?
Christopher: Um. Not really. Lots of goat people, though. Satyrs or whatever. Sounds like a car name. Randy jerks, those guys, never wanna meet 'em in a dark alley...
Dr. Yaona: Mm-hmm. Now, ah, Mr. Hitchcock... how do you explain the so called aliens in your collected fantasy world? It seems highly strange to me--
Christopher: Waitasec, our collected fantasy world? That's just so, so mean and untrue. Everworld was real. REAL. Like, real real. I mean, jesus, I even have the scratch marks on my back to prove it!
Dr. Yaona: Scratch marks?
(gleeful snickering)
Christopher: Ah, Jalil likes it rough.
(long pause)
Dr. Yaona: ... how so?
(whispering)
Christopher: ... well, you should have seen the way his eyes lit up when I told him Galahad was letting us use his XXX-rated "fun room". And the time with the Vikings, big time bondage. And he loves spontaneous things, like while we were in Athena's waiting room...
Dr. Yaona: ... well?! Go on!
Christopher: Let's just say we either scared the poor secretary guy to death-- or made him want to join in. And that time we were all stuck in the diving bell, coming up in the ocean?
Dr. Yaona: Yes?
Christopher: Mass orgy.
Dr. Yaona: ... impressive.
Christopher: Mm-hmm. Best time of my life, I tell you. Except poor Jalil kept getting jealous everytime we met up with some female who pawed over me and David... I mean, Etain, Senna, Hel, he was about to go kamikaze on their asses.
Dr. Yaona: I take it Mr. Sherman has some possession issues?
Christopher: Just watch. Touch his favourite stuffed kitty-cat and he'll rip your guts out.
Dr. Yaona: Hmmm.
(sound of scribbling)
Christopher: It's name is Precious.
Dr. Yaona: Well, I see then. I must say, this is very helpful, Mr. Hitchcock. While Mr. Levin has been cooperative, Jalil has only said a total of three words to our staff, in the entire time he's been here.
Christopher: ... which are?
(sound of paper rustling)
Dr. Yaona: Hmm... let's see. Ah yes. Quote, "I hate you."
Christopher: Yup, that's my baby. Just watch out, he's fiesty when he doesn't get what he wants. If you want anything out of him, threaten to make him watch The Matrix. He hates that movie. With a passion.
Dr. Yaona: Hmm... thank you for that useful piece of information, Mr. Hitchcock. Anything else?
(low, drawn out sigh)
Christopher: Weeeell... he looks like heaven in black leather.
Dr. Yaona: We'll take note of that. Thank you for your cooperation.
Christopher: Yeah, but do I get anything in return? I mean, the least you could do is get me some magazines. Something upbeat and nice. Home and Gardens. Mom used to read those a lot. You'd be surprised how twisted they can get. Kiiiiinky.
Dr. Yaona: We'll... take that into consideration, Mr. Hitchcock.
Christopher: While you're at it, I want some shrimp.
Dr. Yaona: Again, into consideration. However, your chances of getting these will improve if you tell me more about Everworld...
Christopher: At least there, I wasn't deprived of sex. You people are cruel and inhuman.
Dr. Yaona: I'm sorry you feel that way.
Christopher: Sure ya do. I know I'm a sexy chocolate-chip stud muffin. You probably are starting to get those maternal instincts riiiiight about now, m'lady...
(long pause, abrupt growl)
Dr. Yaona: You do realize, I'm male?
(pause through three minute span)
Christopher: Dear god in heaven and hell, just HOW much did you pay for that?!
Dr. Yaona: I think this interview is finished, Mr. Hitchcock. I'll kindly remind you to be on time for our next session.
Christopher: Hey, wait, what about my shrimp--
Dr. Yaona: Thank you again for your cooperation.
Christopher: I have rights, too! I want to see Jalil, I need hot, hot sweet love lovin' right now, or I'll call my law--
(tape recorder shuts off; silence)
End of File
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
... I am so not responsible. I'm on medication! You *can't* blame me! I'm sick! ^^;; Really!
... right then, I admit it. I wrote this with glee. I probably should up it to "R" soon, but where's the fun in that? (Besides, I hate how R fics never turn up automatically, ya hafta go through the picking "Rating: All" thing and all that evil junk.) It's so tiresome.
Anyway! ^^ As for my other fics, you should get quite a few more uploads from me very soon. More of my David/Jalil fic... definatly more of my C/J "Absence of the Heart"... and a few more of my humorous stuff.
Take care! Thanks, minna-san! ^___^ ::hugs::
~~~~~~~~~~~~~