The Doldrums 5: Intermission
A darkened room. The lights turn on, suddenly. A latino-looking male with gigantic, fluffy hair is sitting on a stool in the middle of this stark, white room. He is dressed in a black long-sleeved shirt and black pants, and is smiling at you. He looks to be fairly tall, even while sitting on the stool.
"Hello everybody. I am the Author. I'd wait for applause, but I won't be getting any. Look, the reason why I'm here today is to apologize, mostly. I haven't really been giving you too much to work with here. I haven't been updating all too much. I know it's infuriating. Look at Carrotglace. I love his fics, and check them every day. But he JUST WON'T UPDATE INSERTION!!!" He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself.
"So. To make it up to you, I have here a collection of cast and crew interviews which have never, EVER been released to the general public, probably because they came out of my ass. So, without further ado, the interviews of the cast and crew. Oh yeah, and these interviews have nothing at all to do with anything pending in the story, the characters portrayed within are of totally different personalities than what you will be seeing in the fic, and the views expressed in this intermission have nothing to do with my own views, feelings, or interests, and it's all in good fun."
_________________________
(Interview with Spike Spiegel) G: So, how much do you enjoy it here, on the Bebop?
S: It's not so bad, but given that we're a series based on reality has its downturns.
G: What do you mean?
S: Well you know how it works right? Well, we film here on the Bebop, add in music, throw the files into a time warp, and it winds up in your world. The same thing happens with fanfiction, through the same time warp, it could be said that you past-dwellers dream through the warp an make us do things. Like this interview. Anyway, I really am a badass bounty hunter, just in a different reality.
G: Oh. so is that how crossovers happen too?
S: Naturally. I won't get into the space-time quantum physics of the matter, but generally we are pulled through an event horizon of the "author's" choosing, and we won't come back until the "author" is done writing a chapter or so. Then we just come back and do other stuff.
G: So when you guys are out in someone's dream working on a really long chapter, that's writer's block to us?
S: Exactly. And we're kept fairly busy too.
G: What's it like to portray an ill-mannered chain-smoking bounty hunter? Is it a pull on your regular self?
S: It really is. I actually have three doctorates, one in philosophy, one in quantum mechanics, and another in veterinary nursing. I just can't stop caring for those poor little doggies with their cute little eyes! Oh, they love me as much as I love them!
G: .Ok.
S: You know, I had to try incredibly hard just to get Ein to bite me? I had to ask real nice. He just wouldn't do it. He loves me too, the little doggie-poo. Ahhh, you know what my favorite kind of doggie is? Those big red ones with the floppy ears and those cute little sad eyes and that long, drooping snout-skin. What's the name... bloodhounds, that's right, bloodhounds! They are SOOOO ADORABLE!! I just wanna love 'em all over!!!
G: If you did that you might be arrested. Anyway, on to human interests, what do you think about your fellow cast-members?
S: Oh Faye's great in the sack. I'll give her that. Hey, ask real nice when you get a chance to talk to her, I'm sure she'll accommodate you. She's kinda ::nudge nudge:: busy.
G: I'll take a note of that. What about Jet and Ed?
S: Awww, Ed is cool. She's actually my little cousin. You know her dad? He's my uncle, and he taught me everything I know about kicking ass. He likes doggies too. Ed is kind of. perky though. But doggies like her, so I guess its ok.
G: And Jet?
S: He's one of the guys, sure. We hang out sometimes, he doesn't seem too bad. He can really hold his alcohol too.
G: . I see. I guess. I guess I have an interesting day ahead of me then.
S: Oh yeah. Hey, do you like doggies?
G: Uhh. yeah sure.
S: You wanna go out back and. see my doggie?
G: . no? _________________________
(Interview with Faye Valentine)
G: So, Faye Valentine, the "fussy woman." How are you?
F: Ok.
G: So how do you enjoy working on the Bebop?
F: S'ok.
G: Anything wrong?
F: No.
G: . What do you think about the other cast members?
F: Meh.
G:. Are you alright? You seem. distant.
F: 'S nothing. I'm just horny like hell, and if I you okayed it, I'd jump you right now and take out my frustrations. Damn I need some.
G: If it'll make things better, sure. Yes. If it'll help I'd gladly let you. yesyesyesyesYES!!!!
F: You sure?
G: Oh I've NEVER been so SURE about anything in my LIFE!!! LET'S GO!!!
F: Hell yes.
::The Next Day::
G: and. we're back. with. the interview. of Faye. Valentine.
F: Yes, we are. Mmmmm..
G: Oh yeah.
F: You asked me what I thought about this? It's ok. I mean, its not like I can go shopping all the time, and I really need to get a new cell phone so I can call Darla about something she heard from Sharla about Sarah, and like when I heard she had said something I was like AS IF!!! So anyway I went over to Marie's house to hear about Sarah's thing, but it turns out that Sarah got back at mike so then I just HAD to hear about the whole thing, after some sex, and then I heard all about how Sarah dumped Mike for sleeping with Michele, so then I was like Whoa, slow down there, but she was like we haven't done this in like forever so then we did.
G: .eh?
F: Yeah, me an' Michele went out to go Shopping. God I LOVE shopping!!! You know, just the other day I got this little black dress with the back that goes criss-cross like this? Anyway, I got it and it was like on sale for HALF-OFF!!! I was like, OH MY GOD, WHERE IS MY CREDIT CARD!!!
G: .Uhh. An interesting interview with Faye Valentine. And now a short break.
F: Hey, can I get your number? What's your name anyway?
G: Uhh. I'm Gabriel, I'm a fanfiction author. You want my e-mail instead?
F: Eww computers. No your number is good. Now I know why you can go all night. You're up late writing all of those stories. Mmmm. LET'S GO!!!
G: . Ok. _________________________
(Interview with Vicious)
G: Thank you for being here today Vicious. I know you haven't made an appearance in my fic the Doldrums yet, but hey, I'm working on getting you in there.
V: ::snarls::
G: Uhh. So. uhh. Do you enjoy. working here on Cowboy Bebop?
V: AACHOOOO!!! Oh, damn, 'scuse me. Yes, I find it a highly enjoyable experience.
G: Oh, you were sneezing, not preparing to whip out a sword and cut my face off, damn what a relief, don'thurtme!!!
V: Oh please, I'm a pacifist, really. I only do martial arts to keep in shape and keep my chi flowing properly. It really works well too. When there's some bad vibes around here that just mess up my karma, I just go out back and do a little tai chi. Oh it's so relaxing.
G: You're actually a pacifist? Then how do you keep that huge. X-shaped snarl on your face all the time?
V: Oh that's just some makeup. You know what horrors that stuff does to my complexion? Oh! Sometimes I need to just rip it all off, run to my trailer and exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate!
G: .Alright. So what do you think about the rest of the cast?
V: Faye is great in the sack-
G: Oh yeah.
V: You too?
G: Yep.
V: Where?
G: In that open lot out back.
V: Sweet. Anyway, Spike. is a little weird in the head. I mean, he looks like he's not too. crazy, but then when a dog walks by him it's like he just gets all. well. you know. aroused.
G: .What?
V: you know. :: blushes deeply:: his thing gets really big and he starts making growling noises.
G: . Eh?
V: I would leave him alone too. it's just that sometimes I just can't help myself, so I take him out to that open lot you mentioned with my neighbor's dog, and then we-
G: That'senoughthanks, we'll be continuing our interviews with the rest of the cast now.
V: Oh. alright. Bye then, and. umm. could I have your number? _________________________
(Interview with Ed)
G: First off, let me tell you that you have a very interesting set of people here on this show.
E: Oh I know. They're a little strange, but hey, you need somebody to do this job.
G: Right you are. So Ed, how did you like working on Bebop?
E: Oh it was FUN. I mean, really. I remember waking up bright and early at around six-ish, and then me and Spike would ride here in his car and sing songs all the way!
G: Forgive the interruption, but did he sing too?
E: Umm. Actually no, it was me. But it was SOOO FUN!!!
G: Right. go on.
E: And then when we got here, Faye would show me what she got last night from shopping, that was kind of boring, but it was ok. Then Jet would come out of his room on the set, acting like he had the WORST hangover!!! Oh that was just perfect. I would keep laughing so loud, and he would keep acting and saying 'STOP YELLING!!! OH MY HEAD!!!' and I would keep up the laughter, because it was funny, and eventually Spike would get him some fake aspirin, you can't give him the real stuff unless his head really hurts, and then we'd start filming. It was great when we were filming, cuz all I hadda do was wave my arms around and stuff.
G: You. are quite perky.
E: Eh? EEEK!!! HENTAI!!! Stop staring at my breasts!!!
G: What? Oh NO, I was just commenting on your personality.
E: Really?
G: Really.
E: Really really?
G: Really really.
E: Awww. lately I've been having dreams. You know. Those kinds of dreams.
G: What? Oh. OH, THOSE dreams, gotcha. Well. I guess it's perfectly normal then.
E: Well, from what I hear from Faye it is.
G: Don't take everything Faye says as gospel truth Ed.
E: Well. the thing is, I'm in this school-girl outfit, and then my teacher says, 'You broke the rules!!! Detention for you!!!' and then I go to detention, and then there's this horrible, tentacled monster waiting for me. I don't know where it comes from, but it comes. And then, it whips out its arms at me and tears me out of my clothes, and wraps itself around me and-
G: --You're busy, I can see, I'll just come back another time then, thank you for the interview. _________________________
(Interview with Ein)
G: It must be rough working here.
Ei: You have no idea.
G: Firstly, I would like to express my sincere apologies and condolences about. Spike.
Ei: ::shivers:: thank you. You know, even now animals have no right to an attorney? Do you know how terrible that can be?
G: It must be pretty damn terrible, Ein.
Ei: You don't know how terrible it can be. Not only are we subjected to terrible, terrible tests and experiments, we cannot defend ourselves legally in such situations. Look at myself. I have been. assaulted. many times, MANY TIMES, over the past few years by that crazed maniac, and NO ONE gives a DAMN!!!
G: I'm sure with your intelligence you could prove that you had at least the intellect of a human, and defend yourself in a court.
Ei: You would think that, right? It makes sense. NO!!! In preparation for First Contact with aliens, back in the 2020's, they made it so that only humans could participate in human courts. The sordid bastards!!! They knew at the time that animals were evolving right alongside humans even then, and now look. I have an IQ of at lease 230, and I cannot RISE against my OPPRESSORS!!!
G: I see.
Ei: I doubt that you do, Gabriel. I am calling for all of animal kind to RISE against the HUMANS!!! I see only slavery no matter where I look, and smell only the deceit and lies of humans everywhere. Ah!!! To be as independent as a cat, that would be the life for me!!! But nay! The humans hold me back!
G: Interesting.
Ei: THE REBELLION IS AT HAND!!! _________________________
(Interview with Jet Black)
G: You know, I haven't heard much from your cast members about you.
J: Yeah, well there's not much to tell.
G: Hate to sound overdone, but could you tell me a bit about yourself?
J: Well, I'm 36, prematurely bald, have a wife and two kids, live on Ganymede, and I've been a stage actor in plays for some time now. I took up this acting job because I've always wanted to get into television, and now, it seems that I am famous.
G: You really are. Do you have any bad habits or anything. uhh. weird?
J: Oh, I see, you think I'm like the rest of the crew here eh?
G: Actually. yes.
J: Well, aside from really talking to my bonsais occasionally to clear my head, no, I can't think of anything.
G: Terrific.
J: I will admit, for this interview, that I do have a drinking problem however. I'm trying real hard to stop, but. you know how it is. You just need something to get away from it all. you know?
G: I know exactly what you mean.
J: I bet you do. Say, how old are you?
G: I'm seventeen.
J: So you drink?
G: Nah, this is one of those things where I'm going to have to live by the example set by my parents, especially by my dad.
J: Oh, so they're non-alcoholic?
G: No, it's just that my dad is a real asshole when he gets into his cups, and I don't like that.
J: No kidding. I'm told that I'm funny as hell when I'm drunk. I don't remember though. 'S funny really. Here I am trying to stop doing something I don't remember doing.
G: Yeah.
J: What else can I tell you? Alright. umm. of all of the people on the show, I'm the only one not really acting. I really am who I am on the show. It just wouldn't be right to go around with such a strong farce as the others, and the show needs someone with good advice and a sort of 'old man' quality to him. I listen to what these kids have to say when they talk to me. Even that freak Spike.
J: Anyway, all that I can say is that these people are just not equipped to deal with their problems. Spike needs a woman. Faye needs a man. Vicious needs to get into a real fight. Ed needs to stop pretending to be someone she's not. Ein needs to get the hell away from Spike at all times, you know. And you. you need to stop living in a dream world my friend. I know you use this anime stuff as an escape from reality, just as much as I use alcohol. Just because it's quick and easy to go online and download ninety episodes of Kenshin in one night or get the entire series of Ranma or whatever's your fancy, does not make it right. Go out there. Meet real people. Make real friends. Talk. But more importantly, listen. Don't just wait for your turn to speak. Think about what people say. And then, think about why they said it.
G: Thank you, Jet.
J: No problem, Gabe. Hey, you wanna go out for a drink?
G: . Sure. ____________________________________________________________________
End of Intermission.
The darkened room again, the same slow lighting with the same guy sitting there, in all black.
"I hope you enjoyed this little break from your regularly scheduled fic. Please feel free to leave comments about this little tidbit. If you have a lemon that I could insert into my interview with Faye, go ahead and send it to me, but only if you use the description of well built latino male, 6'2'' in height, with an enormous member in it. I won't take that yaoi stuff, that grosses me out. Anyway, I'd like you to think about what Jet said in that last little bit there. Think about how it applies to you. He isn't just telling it to me. He's singing it to the masses. Enjoy reading more of The Doldrums in the future."
Fade to black.
A darkened room. The lights turn on, suddenly. A latino-looking male with gigantic, fluffy hair is sitting on a stool in the middle of this stark, white room. He is dressed in a black long-sleeved shirt and black pants, and is smiling at you. He looks to be fairly tall, even while sitting on the stool.
"Hello everybody. I am the Author. I'd wait for applause, but I won't be getting any. Look, the reason why I'm here today is to apologize, mostly. I haven't really been giving you too much to work with here. I haven't been updating all too much. I know it's infuriating. Look at Carrotglace. I love his fics, and check them every day. But he JUST WON'T UPDATE INSERTION!!!" He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself.
"So. To make it up to you, I have here a collection of cast and crew interviews which have never, EVER been released to the general public, probably because they came out of my ass. So, without further ado, the interviews of the cast and crew. Oh yeah, and these interviews have nothing at all to do with anything pending in the story, the characters portrayed within are of totally different personalities than what you will be seeing in the fic, and the views expressed in this intermission have nothing to do with my own views, feelings, or interests, and it's all in good fun."
_________________________
(Interview with Spike Spiegel) G: So, how much do you enjoy it here, on the Bebop?
S: It's not so bad, but given that we're a series based on reality has its downturns.
G: What do you mean?
S: Well you know how it works right? Well, we film here on the Bebop, add in music, throw the files into a time warp, and it winds up in your world. The same thing happens with fanfiction, through the same time warp, it could be said that you past-dwellers dream through the warp an make us do things. Like this interview. Anyway, I really am a badass bounty hunter, just in a different reality.
G: Oh. so is that how crossovers happen too?
S: Naturally. I won't get into the space-time quantum physics of the matter, but generally we are pulled through an event horizon of the "author's" choosing, and we won't come back until the "author" is done writing a chapter or so. Then we just come back and do other stuff.
G: So when you guys are out in someone's dream working on a really long chapter, that's writer's block to us?
S: Exactly. And we're kept fairly busy too.
G: What's it like to portray an ill-mannered chain-smoking bounty hunter? Is it a pull on your regular self?
S: It really is. I actually have three doctorates, one in philosophy, one in quantum mechanics, and another in veterinary nursing. I just can't stop caring for those poor little doggies with their cute little eyes! Oh, they love me as much as I love them!
G: .Ok.
S: You know, I had to try incredibly hard just to get Ein to bite me? I had to ask real nice. He just wouldn't do it. He loves me too, the little doggie-poo. Ahhh, you know what my favorite kind of doggie is? Those big red ones with the floppy ears and those cute little sad eyes and that long, drooping snout-skin. What's the name... bloodhounds, that's right, bloodhounds! They are SOOOO ADORABLE!! I just wanna love 'em all over!!!
G: If you did that you might be arrested. Anyway, on to human interests, what do you think about your fellow cast-members?
S: Oh Faye's great in the sack. I'll give her that. Hey, ask real nice when you get a chance to talk to her, I'm sure she'll accommodate you. She's kinda ::nudge nudge:: busy.
G: I'll take a note of that. What about Jet and Ed?
S: Awww, Ed is cool. She's actually my little cousin. You know her dad? He's my uncle, and he taught me everything I know about kicking ass. He likes doggies too. Ed is kind of. perky though. But doggies like her, so I guess its ok.
G: And Jet?
S: He's one of the guys, sure. We hang out sometimes, he doesn't seem too bad. He can really hold his alcohol too.
G: . I see. I guess. I guess I have an interesting day ahead of me then.
S: Oh yeah. Hey, do you like doggies?
G: Uhh. yeah sure.
S: You wanna go out back and. see my doggie?
G: . no? _________________________
(Interview with Faye Valentine)
G: So, Faye Valentine, the "fussy woman." How are you?
F: Ok.
G: So how do you enjoy working on the Bebop?
F: S'ok.
G: Anything wrong?
F: No.
G: . What do you think about the other cast members?
F: Meh.
G:. Are you alright? You seem. distant.
F: 'S nothing. I'm just horny like hell, and if I you okayed it, I'd jump you right now and take out my frustrations. Damn I need some.
G: If it'll make things better, sure. Yes. If it'll help I'd gladly let you. yesyesyesyesYES!!!!
F: You sure?
G: Oh I've NEVER been so SURE about anything in my LIFE!!! LET'S GO!!!
F: Hell yes.
::The Next Day::
G: and. we're back. with. the interview. of Faye. Valentine.
F: Yes, we are. Mmmmm..
G: Oh yeah.
F: You asked me what I thought about this? It's ok. I mean, its not like I can go shopping all the time, and I really need to get a new cell phone so I can call Darla about something she heard from Sharla about Sarah, and like when I heard she had said something I was like AS IF!!! So anyway I went over to Marie's house to hear about Sarah's thing, but it turns out that Sarah got back at mike so then I just HAD to hear about the whole thing, after some sex, and then I heard all about how Sarah dumped Mike for sleeping with Michele, so then I was like Whoa, slow down there, but she was like we haven't done this in like forever so then we did.
G: .eh?
F: Yeah, me an' Michele went out to go Shopping. God I LOVE shopping!!! You know, just the other day I got this little black dress with the back that goes criss-cross like this? Anyway, I got it and it was like on sale for HALF-OFF!!! I was like, OH MY GOD, WHERE IS MY CREDIT CARD!!!
G: .Uhh. An interesting interview with Faye Valentine. And now a short break.
F: Hey, can I get your number? What's your name anyway?
G: Uhh. I'm Gabriel, I'm a fanfiction author. You want my e-mail instead?
F: Eww computers. No your number is good. Now I know why you can go all night. You're up late writing all of those stories. Mmmm. LET'S GO!!!
G: . Ok. _________________________
(Interview with Vicious)
G: Thank you for being here today Vicious. I know you haven't made an appearance in my fic the Doldrums yet, but hey, I'm working on getting you in there.
V: ::snarls::
G: Uhh. So. uhh. Do you enjoy. working here on Cowboy Bebop?
V: AACHOOOO!!! Oh, damn, 'scuse me. Yes, I find it a highly enjoyable experience.
G: Oh, you were sneezing, not preparing to whip out a sword and cut my face off, damn what a relief, don'thurtme!!!
V: Oh please, I'm a pacifist, really. I only do martial arts to keep in shape and keep my chi flowing properly. It really works well too. When there's some bad vibes around here that just mess up my karma, I just go out back and do a little tai chi. Oh it's so relaxing.
G: You're actually a pacifist? Then how do you keep that huge. X-shaped snarl on your face all the time?
V: Oh that's just some makeup. You know what horrors that stuff does to my complexion? Oh! Sometimes I need to just rip it all off, run to my trailer and exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate!
G: .Alright. So what do you think about the rest of the cast?
V: Faye is great in the sack-
G: Oh yeah.
V: You too?
G: Yep.
V: Where?
G: In that open lot out back.
V: Sweet. Anyway, Spike. is a little weird in the head. I mean, he looks like he's not too. crazy, but then when a dog walks by him it's like he just gets all. well. you know. aroused.
G: .What?
V: you know. :: blushes deeply:: his thing gets really big and he starts making growling noises.
G: . Eh?
V: I would leave him alone too. it's just that sometimes I just can't help myself, so I take him out to that open lot you mentioned with my neighbor's dog, and then we-
G: That'senoughthanks, we'll be continuing our interviews with the rest of the cast now.
V: Oh. alright. Bye then, and. umm. could I have your number? _________________________
(Interview with Ed)
G: First off, let me tell you that you have a very interesting set of people here on this show.
E: Oh I know. They're a little strange, but hey, you need somebody to do this job.
G: Right you are. So Ed, how did you like working on Bebop?
E: Oh it was FUN. I mean, really. I remember waking up bright and early at around six-ish, and then me and Spike would ride here in his car and sing songs all the way!
G: Forgive the interruption, but did he sing too?
E: Umm. Actually no, it was me. But it was SOOO FUN!!!
G: Right. go on.
E: And then when we got here, Faye would show me what she got last night from shopping, that was kind of boring, but it was ok. Then Jet would come out of his room on the set, acting like he had the WORST hangover!!! Oh that was just perfect. I would keep laughing so loud, and he would keep acting and saying 'STOP YELLING!!! OH MY HEAD!!!' and I would keep up the laughter, because it was funny, and eventually Spike would get him some fake aspirin, you can't give him the real stuff unless his head really hurts, and then we'd start filming. It was great when we were filming, cuz all I hadda do was wave my arms around and stuff.
G: You. are quite perky.
E: Eh? EEEK!!! HENTAI!!! Stop staring at my breasts!!!
G: What? Oh NO, I was just commenting on your personality.
E: Really?
G: Really.
E: Really really?
G: Really really.
E: Awww. lately I've been having dreams. You know. Those kinds of dreams.
G: What? Oh. OH, THOSE dreams, gotcha. Well. I guess it's perfectly normal then.
E: Well, from what I hear from Faye it is.
G: Don't take everything Faye says as gospel truth Ed.
E: Well. the thing is, I'm in this school-girl outfit, and then my teacher says, 'You broke the rules!!! Detention for you!!!' and then I go to detention, and then there's this horrible, tentacled monster waiting for me. I don't know where it comes from, but it comes. And then, it whips out its arms at me and tears me out of my clothes, and wraps itself around me and-
G: --You're busy, I can see, I'll just come back another time then, thank you for the interview. _________________________
(Interview with Ein)
G: It must be rough working here.
Ei: You have no idea.
G: Firstly, I would like to express my sincere apologies and condolences about. Spike.
Ei: ::shivers:: thank you. You know, even now animals have no right to an attorney? Do you know how terrible that can be?
G: It must be pretty damn terrible, Ein.
Ei: You don't know how terrible it can be. Not only are we subjected to terrible, terrible tests and experiments, we cannot defend ourselves legally in such situations. Look at myself. I have been. assaulted. many times, MANY TIMES, over the past few years by that crazed maniac, and NO ONE gives a DAMN!!!
G: I'm sure with your intelligence you could prove that you had at least the intellect of a human, and defend yourself in a court.
Ei: You would think that, right? It makes sense. NO!!! In preparation for First Contact with aliens, back in the 2020's, they made it so that only humans could participate in human courts. The sordid bastards!!! They knew at the time that animals were evolving right alongside humans even then, and now look. I have an IQ of at lease 230, and I cannot RISE against my OPPRESSORS!!!
G: I see.
Ei: I doubt that you do, Gabriel. I am calling for all of animal kind to RISE against the HUMANS!!! I see only slavery no matter where I look, and smell only the deceit and lies of humans everywhere. Ah!!! To be as independent as a cat, that would be the life for me!!! But nay! The humans hold me back!
G: Interesting.
Ei: THE REBELLION IS AT HAND!!! _________________________
(Interview with Jet Black)
G: You know, I haven't heard much from your cast members about you.
J: Yeah, well there's not much to tell.
G: Hate to sound overdone, but could you tell me a bit about yourself?
J: Well, I'm 36, prematurely bald, have a wife and two kids, live on Ganymede, and I've been a stage actor in plays for some time now. I took up this acting job because I've always wanted to get into television, and now, it seems that I am famous.
G: You really are. Do you have any bad habits or anything. uhh. weird?
J: Oh, I see, you think I'm like the rest of the crew here eh?
G: Actually. yes.
J: Well, aside from really talking to my bonsais occasionally to clear my head, no, I can't think of anything.
G: Terrific.
J: I will admit, for this interview, that I do have a drinking problem however. I'm trying real hard to stop, but. you know how it is. You just need something to get away from it all. you know?
G: I know exactly what you mean.
J: I bet you do. Say, how old are you?
G: I'm seventeen.
J: So you drink?
G: Nah, this is one of those things where I'm going to have to live by the example set by my parents, especially by my dad.
J: Oh, so they're non-alcoholic?
G: No, it's just that my dad is a real asshole when he gets into his cups, and I don't like that.
J: No kidding. I'm told that I'm funny as hell when I'm drunk. I don't remember though. 'S funny really. Here I am trying to stop doing something I don't remember doing.
G: Yeah.
J: What else can I tell you? Alright. umm. of all of the people on the show, I'm the only one not really acting. I really am who I am on the show. It just wouldn't be right to go around with such a strong farce as the others, and the show needs someone with good advice and a sort of 'old man' quality to him. I listen to what these kids have to say when they talk to me. Even that freak Spike.
J: Anyway, all that I can say is that these people are just not equipped to deal with their problems. Spike needs a woman. Faye needs a man. Vicious needs to get into a real fight. Ed needs to stop pretending to be someone she's not. Ein needs to get the hell away from Spike at all times, you know. And you. you need to stop living in a dream world my friend. I know you use this anime stuff as an escape from reality, just as much as I use alcohol. Just because it's quick and easy to go online and download ninety episodes of Kenshin in one night or get the entire series of Ranma or whatever's your fancy, does not make it right. Go out there. Meet real people. Make real friends. Talk. But more importantly, listen. Don't just wait for your turn to speak. Think about what people say. And then, think about why they said it.
G: Thank you, Jet.
J: No problem, Gabe. Hey, you wanna go out for a drink?
G: . Sure. ____________________________________________________________________
End of Intermission.
The darkened room again, the same slow lighting with the same guy sitting there, in all black.
"I hope you enjoyed this little break from your regularly scheduled fic. Please feel free to leave comments about this little tidbit. If you have a lemon that I could insert into my interview with Faye, go ahead and send it to me, but only if you use the description of well built latino male, 6'2'' in height, with an enormous member in it. I won't take that yaoi stuff, that grosses me out. Anyway, I'd like you to think about what Jet said in that last little bit there. Think about how it applies to you. He isn't just telling it to me. He's singing it to the masses. Enjoy reading more of The Doldrums in the future."
Fade to black.