This part of the story is dedicated to Jilli, who inspired me to continue writing this fic.
Who Could Have Imagined? Part TwoA year and two months following the accident…
Chandler continued to conceal his feelings from Rachel, though they grew stronger each and every day. Rachel still seemed to be oblivious to the fact that Chandler loved her, but she did draw strength from being with him. He seemed to lessen the unbelievable longing that she still had for Ross.
One night Chandler decided he couldn't bear it any longer. He drove up to Rachel's house unannounced and knocked on the front door. Julie answered, "Hey Uncle Ross."
"Hey Jules, is your Mom home?"
"Yeah she's in the den. I'll go get her." Rachel came out a few moments later.
"Hi Chandler. I didn't expect you tonight." She said self-consciously fixing her hair and straightening her skirt.
"Well, I wasn't expecting to come over, but I was wondering if you would do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner?"
"That's very sweet Chandler. But the girls and I already ate."
"Well, then let's go get some coffee. I need to talk." Chandler said.
"Oh, alright, Julie, Samantha will you girls be okay here for a little while?"
Julie groaned, "Geesh Mom, I'm a senior in high school now, I think I can manage."
Rachel smiled, "Don't remind me. You're growing up fast." She grabbed her purse and followed Chandler out to his car.
They went to the coffeehouse and sat down at their usual table. Rachel sipped her latte quietly for a few moments before speaking, "It's still hard to come in this place." She glanced around the familiar scene, longing in her eyes.
"Yeah, it is." Chandler swallowed hard, "Rach, the reason I asked you here tonight is because I need to talk to you."
"Sure, what's up?"
"Well, you know how awhile back I said I come to realization that I wasn't ready to share with anyone?"
"Yes, I remember."
"I'm ready to share my realization with you." He looked deep into her eyes, and for the first time Rachel noticed the love that had been for there several months now.
"Oh my God, Chandler I-"
He interrupted her, "I need you to hear me out before you talk." He picked up one of her hands in his and stroked it lightly, "Rachel, this past year has been the hardest of my life. I never thought that I would be able to go on without Monica. I certainly never thought that I could fall in love with anyone ever again. But I have." He smiled gently at her now, "I've fallen in love with you."
Little tears came to Rachel's eyes. She didn't know what to tell him. She didn't think she loved him back, she could never love anyone ever again, at least not how she had loved Ross. "Chandler, I-"
"I know that you have doubts. Believe me I do too. It's scary to think about us being a couple. Sometimes I feel like I'm betraying Monica by feeling the way that I do that about you, but I have come to understand something. Monica is gone, as much I still love her, she will never be here again. She would want me to move on with my life, to find someone to be happy with. She wouldn't want me to be alone forever." He swallowed hard and looked at Rachel again, "And neither would Ross." This last statement brought the tears flowing freely down Rachel's face. Chandler went over to her and hugged her. "Shh Rach. I didn't mean to make you cry." He kissed the top of her head in comfort. He noticed that she did not flinch this time as she had in the past when he had done that. Chandler wasn't sure how to take this though so he said nothing. After several minutes had passed, Chandler released her and sat back down, "Let's finish our coffee. Our kids are going to be looking for us."
Rachel finally spoke very cautiously and carefully, "Chandler you are going to have to give me time to think about this. I don't know. I still love Ross so much I am not sure I can give enough of myself to you to be fair to you."
Chandler grabbed her hand again and squeezed it, "Rachel Geller, I want whatever part of yourself you want to give me. And if that is none of you I will accept that too. But I love you, and nothing will change that. I will give you all the time you need."
"Thanks," Rachel said simply and then grew quiet with her thoughts.
After a few minutes, Chandler stood up, "Let's get you home."
Outside Rachel's door, she turned to Chandler and hugged him. "I don't know what to say…" she began.
Chandler returned the hug, "You don't need to say anything right now. I will call you tomorrow and we'll get together with the kids and go to a movie or something." He looked down into her eyes, "And you look beautiful tonight, probably the most beautiful I've ever seen you." With that said, he leaned down and kissed her swiftly on the lips.
Rachel was not expecting that, nor was he expecting her reaction to the kiss. She reached up and grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him again, this time for several minutes and with passion. When they finally broke the kiss, Rachel said quietly, "Good night Chandler." She then turned and went into her house. Chandler stood there on the porch for a few more moments trying to let the events of the last several minutes sink in. What did that kiss mean? Did Rachel love him? Did she want to be with him? Or was she just substituting him for Ross? He sighed deeply and went home.
That night alone in her bed, Rachel couldn't sleep. Memories of Ross kept overwhelming her and then the memories of the kiss that she had shared with Chandler. She wanted to kiss him she realized, but in the back of her mind was always Ross. Would she be betraying him by loving his best friend? What about the girls? Or Daniel? How would they feel about this? Rachel began to cry again, she had never cried so much in her life as she had over the past year. She wanted some sense of normalcy, some sense of direction. She needed a calming effect, someone to share her life with. While that person used to be Ross, she knew she could never have him again.
The next few days were very awkward between Rachel and Chandler. The kids were starting to think that something was going on between their parents. They were usually happy and laughing around each other, and lately their conversations had been nothing less than reserved and minimal. Chandler was afraid of messing things up with Rachel, and Rachel was still confused about what she really felt for Chandler. So they both thought avoiding the issue was the best approach for now. But on the inside it was eating both of them alive.
On one of her lunch breaks, Rachel took a cab out to the cemetery where Ross and Monica were buried. She walked over to their gravesites with flowers in her hands and tears in her eyes. She fingered their names lovingly where they were etched into the marble. "Mon, I need some advice." She began, "God, I miss you so much. I never thought I would have to go through life without my best friend. It's so hard; I don't know how I will ever make it sometimes. You would be so proud of Daniel if you could see him. He loves you so much still, and he has not forgotten you. He takes such good care of Chandler, and he's become like a brother to Julie and Sam. Oh Monica, I will never understand why you were taken from us. You were the one we could always count on when things got rough to pull us out and help us make sense of it all. Right now, not a damn thing makes sense." Rachel was crying now, "But I think I'm starting to love Chandler. And I'm not sure I should. We've spent so much time together since the accident. He's always been there for me whenever I've needed a shoulder to cry on, or someone to listen. God, Mon, I never thought this would happen. Part of me doesn't want to love him, I'm so afraid of loving him. I feel like I'm betraying you by taking your husband. And most of all, I feel like I'm betraying Ross." She played with her wedding ring as she spoke, "When Ross gave me this ring, he swore it would bind our hearts and our love forever. But the accident it changed everything. Tell me what to do, Monica. Please tell me what to do." Rachel stood there in the silence, crying, waiting for an answer from her friend, although she knew she wouldn't get one. She left the flowers on Monica's grave and turned to Ross'.
She stood there for a moment, staring at her husband's grave. "Hey you, my God, I miss you. The nights are the hardest I lay there in the bed that we used to share and now I'm alone. I miss the way you breathed while you were sleeping, the way you would whisper my name in the middle of the night, the way you would kiss me, and hold me, and make love to me. I never thought I would be left alone. I never planned to one day try to live without you, to live without your love. Part of me still holds on to the hope that you are not really gone, that one day you will come walking back through the front door and take me in your arms and kiss me passionately and never let me go. But I know that will never happen. I have to learn to accept the fact that you are gone. That as much as I don't want it to be true it is. Julie and Sam miss you so much, sometimes at night I can hear them crying in their rooms. It's sweet that they don't want me to worry so they do their mourning in secret. They are so much like you in that aspect, always sensitive to other people." Rachel got down on her knees now on the green mound of grass under which Ross laid. "I will always love you Ross Geller. I gave my heart to you forever, and you will always have it. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about what you would expect from me now that you are gone. I know that you would expect me to raise your girls so that they make you proud and I promise you right now that I will do that. I also think that you loved me enough that you wouldn't want me to be alone for the rest of my life. Ross, I think I have feelings for Chandler. Part of me wishes that I didn't because I feel so awful about them. I feel like I'm betraying Monica, stealing her husband. And I feel like I'm cheating on you because I don't know how to do that without feeling like I've given up on our love. There is also this feeling deep down inside of me that I could never give the kind of love to Chandler that I gave to you. I gave you everything I am, Ross. All of me is merged with all of you. If I give that part of myself to Chandler that used to be yours, I don't know what to think about that. Iit's just there is a large piece of me that is down in there the cold, hard ground buried with you." She kissed her fingertips and placed them on his headstone, "I love you, Ross, still. I always have and I always will." With that said she turned and went back to the cab. It always hurt like hell to leave them there, in the ground, forever still and lifeless. But Rachel had come to understand that death is not hard at all for the deceased, but it is absolute hell for those who have to live without them.
She asked the cab to take her to Chandler's office. She would go back into her own job later. She had to take care of the matter at hand right away before it drove her insane. She walked up the three flights of stairs to Chandler's office and opened his office door. She noticed that he looked very handsome sitting behind that desk, looking like he owned the place. "Hi," she said.
Chandler glanced up from his computer, "Hi Rachel. What a surprise."
"I was hoping we could talk." She sat down in the red velvet chair across from his desk. "I can't take this anymore Chandler. I miss you."
"I miss you too."
"I don't want to do anything to jeopardize our friendship. I need you so much right now."
"I need you too a lot, more than words can say."
"I never expected this to happen. I don't think I'm going to be able to forget Ross, how much I loved him. How much he loved me."
Chandler walked over to her and got down on his knees in front of her, "No one is asking you too, Rachel. I'm just asking you to let me in."
"I don't know if I can…"
"You can," Chandler kissed her and suddenly it was happening. Rachel was kissing him back with such hunger and passion. As the kiss got deeper and deeper both of their minds were racing with doubts and hope. They had such doubts about being able to love completely, doubts that their deceased spouse would not approve. But they had hope that they could finally be happy and find new love in each other's arms. After several minutes later, Chandler broke the kiss. He pushed a piece of bangs out of Rachel's face, "I love you Rachel Geller."
Rachel's eyes filled with tears, "I'm sorry Chandler, I can't- I can't say it yet."
"It's okay, you don't have too. When you are ready I will be here."
"If we are going to pursue a relationship don't you think we should talk to the kids about it? This could be a little weird for them."
"Yeah, I think you are right. We'll take them out tonight and tell them."
Later that evening they were all sitting around at a pizza and arcade place. "Hey Dad," Daniel asked, "Can I have some money? I want to go play some pinball."
"In a few minutes, Daniel, we want to talk to you about something first." Chandler grabbed Rachel's hand. Understanding immediately registered on Julie's face and she smiled widely. "Rachel and I have talked about dating, but we wanted to find out how you would feel about that."
Julie flashed her "Ross" smile at them again, "I think you should go for it. Mom deserves to be happy. And I know that you will treat her nice Chandler, and I think Dad would like it very much to know that you were around to take care of her."
Samantha looked sadly at Rachel, "But what about Daddy?"
Rachel looked at her sweetly, "Sammie honey, you know that Daddy is never coming home. I loved your Daddy very much, I still do. But we all need to move on with our lives, as much as it hurts and no matter how hard it gets."
Samantha looked down at her plate, "That's awfully hard to do Mom."
Rachel looked at her younger daughter the understanding registered on her face, "I know it is, honey, I know it is. It is probably the hardest thing that any of us will ever have to do. But we will get through this, and we will come out stronger people for it."
Samantha gave her a weak smile and took another bite of her pizza. Chandler finally looked over at Daniel, "Son, do you have anything to add?"
Daniel looked at them fiercely, "Yeah. Yeah I do. Go to hell." With that said he got up and left the table. Rachel looked at Chandler with concern. Chandler went to look for Daniel.
He found him outside sitting on the curb fighting back tears. "Hey Danny." Chandler said gently sitting down next to his son. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"How could you do that to Mom? Didn't you love her at all? How could you find another woman so quickly? Especially her best friend! How is that cherishing her memory? And what am I supposed to say to my friends at school if you two get married? This used to be my Aunt Rachel but now she's my step mom? That's just gross Dad. Think about what you are asking me."
"What am I asking you?"
"You are asking me to forget Mom. To let another woman, my AUNT of all people, take her place. I could never do that to Mom. EVER."
"That is not what I am asking of you at all Daniel. First of all, Rachel and I are no where near the point where we are ready to get married. Nothing may even come of this relationship. She is still madly in love with your Uncle Ross, and I still love your Mom. It may be too hard for us to pursue. But we feel like we owe it to ourselves, to our happiness to try it. I hope that you will support us in this decision, but if you don't that is certainly your prerogative." With that said, Chandler stood up and went back inside.
Later that night he and Rachel were talking on the phone about the events that transpired earlier that day.
"So, your girls seem to be okay with it." Chandler said.
"Well Julie is. Sam I think is having a harder time with it but she doesn't want me to know it. She wants me to be happy. So she's keeping her real feelings to herself. But I know that she misses her Father desperately and I think part of her thinks that someday he is coming back. Of course, Julie misses Ross too. But she inherited his down-to-earth, practical thinking. She knows that he is gone and that we all need to start our lives over."
"Daniel is very upset about it. He thinks it is too weird for me to be dating his Mom's best friend that also happens to be his Aunt. He made the comment about how it would be weird to introduce you to his friends if we get married."
"Whoa! Who said anything about
marriage?" Rachel's voice got tense.
"I know, I told him we were
far from that point. But Rachel I do
think we owe it to ourselves to pursue this.
We could find happiness again, with each other."
Rachel's end of the line stayed quiet for a few minutes, "I think you're right Chandler. But let's just take it really slow, okay? I'm not ready to hop into anything serious at this point."
"Agreed."
Over the next several months, Chandler and Rachel took the dating process very slowly. They went to movies a lot, and had quiet dinners out. They shared a lot of stories and memories and laughter. They were starting to become more and more attached to each other. Chandler remained a gentleman bringing her flowers and visiting her at her office. Rachel always called him every night and talked to him on the phone while she was in the bathtub. The Geller girls were accepting of the relationship, particularly Julie who wanted her to be happy. Samantha was also accepting, but there was still some hesitation from her when she thought about another man replacing her Father. Daniel, on the other hand, was still very angry and bitter about the relationship. He hardly spoke to his Father and he never spoke to Rachel anymore. Daniel's feelings were also starting to cause some dissension between him and his cousins, because the girls didn't think he was being entirely fair with his attitude towards the whole thing.
About six months after they started dating, Chandler and Rachel took their relationship to the next level. Chandler invited Rachel over to his place to watch videos. Rachel showed up shortly before Daniel left to go stay at a friend's house Rachel couldn't help but notice the obvious glare that Daniel cast in her direction on his way out the door.
"You look beautiful tonight, Rach." Chandler said quietly.
"Thanks," Rachel replied sitting down on the couch, "So what movie are we going to watch."
Chandler grinned at her, "Weekend at Bernie's."
Rachel laughed, "Good movie." Chandler sat down next to her with a bowl of popcorn and they started to watch the movie. Chandler's arm was draped around her shoulders and after awhile she rested her head on his shoulder.
After the movie, Rachel turned to look at him, "That was fun. I haven't seen that movie in a long time."
"Yeah, me either." Chandler said. He smiled at her, "I always have a good time with you Rachel. I'm so glad that we decided to give this dating thing a try."
"Me too," she smiled. Chandler leaned down and kissed her. This kiss was different however than their usual kisses. It was more urgent, more passionate, more longing. As the kiss grew deeper and deeper they both started to get really into it. Chandler suddenly realized how very much he wanted her. He started to unbutton her shirt, watching for a clue that she would want him to stop. None came.
He finally broke the kiss and gazed into her eyes, "Rach, if it's too soon, if you want me to stop-" Before he could finish she had pulled him into another kiss. That night Chandler and Rachel crossed the line from friends and mourning spouses, to new lovers. Later that night, Rachel lay in Chandler's arms. "I better get home. The girls are probably wondering where I'm at."
Chandler kissed the top of her head, "Please don't leave. Please stay with me tonight. I just don't want to let you go yet."
Rachel smiled, "Okay, hand me the phone." Rachel dialed her house and her oldest daughter Julie answered, "Hey Jules."
"Hi Mom. We were kind of starting to worry."
"I know sweetheart, that's why I called. Listen, I'm going to stay the night at Chandler's tonight. Can I trust you to get Sam to science camp in the morning?"
"All right Mom!" Julie commented and Rachel blushed, "Of course I will take Sam to camp in the morning. You just have a really, REALLY good time tonight."
"Thanks Julie. I love you."
"I love you too, Mom."
Rachel hung up the phone, "Well, Mr. Bing, it looks like you have me for the whole night."
"I was hoping you were going to say that," Chandler smiled and kissed her again.
The next morning Rachel woke up early and at first was disillusioned as to where she was. She turned and saw Chandler lying next to her and smiled at the realization of where she was and what had taken place the previous night. She got dressed quickly and went out to the kitchen to make some coffee. She stopped at the sight of Daniel sitting at the table eating cereal. She swallowed hard and proceeded to the counter to make coffee. "Good Morning, Daniel."
Daniel glared at her, "Is it a good morning?"
Rachel grimaced; at least he had finally said something to her. "Yes it is. Did you have a good time over at your friend's house?"
"I don't know. Did you have a good time with my Dad?" he started yelling at her his voice getting louder and louder with every word, "Did you have a good time betraying your best friend by sleeping with her husband? Are you proud of yourself? I used to be proud to call you my Aunt. You were my Mom's best friend and I adored you. Now the very sight of you disgusts me." He slammed his bowl into the sink and stormed off into his bedroom.
Rachel sat down at the kitchen table fighting the tears. She suddenly felt Chandler's arms on her shoulders. "Don't let him get to you, Rach. He's just having a hard time with this."
Rachel brushed at the tears that were now falling down her face despite her best efforts to keep them in, "I think it would just be best if I went home."
Chandler hugged her, "Okay, I'll call you later."
Once Rachel was gone Chandler just stood there not knowing what to do. He wanted so much to have Daniel accept what was happening between him and Rachel. But he knew that it would take a lot of time and patience. He wasn't worried about the time factor; he just wasn't sure how much longer his patience could hold out.
As time wore on Rachel and Chandler grew more and more serious. They had been dating for close to nine months now. Daniel was becoming more and more defiant about the whole relationship the longer it went on. Chandler knew that he wanted to ask Rachel to marry him, and he thought that she was ready to accept but he wasn't sure if his son could take that yet or not. Chandler finally gave up hope that Daniel would ever accept him and Rachel being together.
One perfect spring night Chandler took Rachel for a walk in the park. The air had the scent of freshly blooming flowers and the breeze was blowing gently. They walked for awhile making small talk and holding hands. Chandler stopped her underneath a large tree and turned her to face him. "Rachel, there is something I've been meaning to talk to you about. He grabbed both of her hands in his hands. You always manage to look beautiful. Rachel, I never thought that I would find someone to love again. I thought that when Monica died so did my chance for happiness. But someone came into my life and changed that forever. That someone is you. Nothing would make me happier than for you to wake up next to me everyday for the rest of our lives. Rachel Geller, will you marry me?" at this point Chandler pulled a box out of his pocket and revealed a diamond engagement ring.
Rachel's eyes grew wide, "Chandler I-" She looked at the ring gleaming in the moonlight and at the face of the man that she had grown to love over the last year. "I-I need more time." She turned and walked away.
It had begun to rain softly, but Chandler didn't seem to notice he stood there holding the box in his hands and watched his happiness walk away.
Rachel couldn't sleep that night. She kept reliving the proposal from Chandler over and over in her head. It was a beautiful proposal. Everything about it was perfect. Everything about their relationship was perfect. Why did she walk away from him? Is that what she really wanted? After hours of agonizing over the scene from earlier Rachel finally fell into a fitful sleep. About two in the morning the feeling that someone was staring at her awakened Rachel. She groggily opened her eyes, and gasped at the image in front of her.
"Oh my God! Ross?!"