Chapter 2: To His Paws
He could feel their presence all around him. "Damned dementors." he thought as he made his way down Magnolia Crescent. Sirius had just assumed that hiding in a muggle neighborhood would help his chances. Turning to look at an old lady that seemed to be going the same direction as himself, he could see her glance at him out of the corner of her eye and almost faint in doing so. Shrugging his strong dog shoulders, Sirius continued on his way. Just a bit farther down the street, he could see a nice little park and a sign that said Magnolia Park: In memory of Madame Magnolia. God bless. Sirius snorted, "First they name a street after some old lady, now they name the park on the street after the same old lady, these people have no creativity." Thinking of the whole 'old lady' thing, Sirius once again turned to look at the senior citizen that had been walking beside him, seeing that she had already passed him, due to her quickening of pace.
Sirius walked into the small park and looked around, noting that the park itself was nicer than the uncreative name it had.
Having lost sight of the old lady Sirius wandered, trying to find somebody to follow and appear to belong to. Trying to think of the best place to find somebody that was easy to follow, Sirius decided the best place was to look on a bench, being that elderly people, who would be glad to be his 'owner', always sit on benches. Looking for a bench with people that seemed most suiting, he saw something that caught his eye. There was a young blonde woman, probably in her thirties, crying silently with a letter held in her hand. He immediately felt sympathy towards the blonde and made his way over towards her.
He could hear her mumbling under her breath, "Oh, poor thing, she must have loved him so much, I bet he's that one man that --- " before she could even finish her sentence she once again broke out in tears. Still feeling sympathy towards the young woman, Sirius, still in dog form of course, went and nudged the woman's knee with his head.
Looking down, she smiled at him, "Hello, dog. Would you like me to read you this letter?" Sirius, not sure what a dog would do in response to a question like that, just nudged her knee again.
"I'll take that as a yes." Smiling, but with eyes that were still red from tears, she began to read.
"Dear Diary,
I have just returned from the market, to buy some fruit.oh, he used to call me Fruit, in reference to my last name and just to piss me off. God, I used to hate that. Now I think I would give anything to hear his whispers of "Fruit" echoing around me as the six of us sat at breakfast. Ah, the school days. Silly cares as a silly schoolgirl. The simple life. But those days are long over.
At the time, all I ever wanted was for me to be that special girl, just for the moment. So many girls flew through his life, and I didn't want to be just another fling. Now, I don't think I would even mind being one of his flings.
But look at what he has become. The tangled mess, which I assume is his hair, hanging all the way to his elbows. The same hair of his, that I used to, still do and always will, long to run my fingers through. But now my fingers would probably get stuck. His face no longer glows and is tanned but sullen and pale with, what are now - thin white strips that I believe are supposed to be his lips. And his eyes, oh, his eyes, those small grey clouds that rested upon his face. I could have spent hours looking into those clouds, trying to look past the fog, and see the sky that I knew he held within. The fog seems to have thickened over the years, almost as if he is trying to hide that sky inside, or the birds that fly in it.
He doesn't seem like the boy I knew before. And he isn't. He has grown into a man. But that is not all that has changed. He may not have ever cared for his weekly dishes and side dishes of girls, but I know he cared for us, for them. How could this have changed so quickly? Deep down, I don't think that I truly believe he has changed. I don't want to believe that it is true. But I know it must be true, it has to be. Doesn't it?
I have spent 12 long years trying to get over him. A silly schoolgirl crush it may have seemed, but I now know, and have known for quite a while now, that it must be deeper. But were, and are, my feelings so deep because his were so shallow? Could I have loved him so much that he didn't need to love me back, as I could love for the both of us? No, that can't be it, either I am insane, or he loves me too. I think I am leaning towards the previous.
Anyways, I have spent 12 years trying to get over him, 'trying' being the key word here. I still cry out randomly, sometimes things will trigger my emotions and sometimes for no reason at all. Sometimes I see a black dog on the street and not knowing whether it is my imagination or not, I call the dog. Many times people stare but then when they see me they look away. I look older than I truly am, so all most people see is an old lady that's off her rocker. If only they knew how wrong they are. I'm as sane as can be. But then again, I don't imagine I can be all that sane after all that I have gone through.
This year will definitely be difficult. Harder than most, I know. He has escaped. And yet, I keep hoping that he will come and carry me off into the sunset. I also have to worry that he is after the boy. How am I supposed to battle these conflicting emotions I contain within myself? I know it will definitely not be easy. And what if he does come after the poor child, who I am careful to keep a close eye on, while the boy is still at his relatives'. I would come to rescue the boy and all that man would have to say is to trust him and that it would all be all right, and though it might be part of his master plan, I would fall for it. I would fall hard. Like I did, oh so many years ago.
I still somehow feel guilty for their death. Look at me. I can't even write their names down on a simple piece of paper, let alone say them. I should have listened to her. She told me to go after him. Forget what he had done in the past and I could set him on the right track. I thought he was drifting, I just didn't know how far off course he was. To think, a man, like him losing sight of the North Star. I never would have imagined it possible. It is clear that his mind drifted far too deep into the Southern hemisphere. He was unable to see the distant glow of that North Star, and even of my love. But I could have kept him North if I had truly tried. And I didn't try hard enough. I was so cowardly. I sat there, right in the front row as he gave himself to that horrible woman. I cried what he thought were tears of joy. Oh, if he had only known.
But she was his angel in every possible way. You just can't interfere with something like that. It's just wrong. There was nothing wrong with her I suppose. Except for the fact that she married my true love. She cheated on him left and right, although, I suppose he probably did the same to her. She never loved him. And he most likely never loved her. They could look into each other's eyes and see lust, never love. She treated him with no respect. Only using him to have his child, which I am not even sure if she ever did, I hope not. Okay, I know that was not necessarily relevant but that is how I have felt for all these years. And now that she has left him, and is remarried, he is single, and free. Free, in more than one meaning of the word.
Like I have said before, if he came for me, I would not have a choice. I would feel comfort in his arms and let him sweep me off my feet. Feeling like a princess, I would make no objection. At the time, that is. Later I would come to my senses. I always did. But most likely, by the time I did, it would already be too late. For all I know about the situation, for all I know about him himself, I might already be dead. I may have always come to my senses later on, but it was also always too late. I came to my senses to save him, when he was already gone. I came to my senses to love him, when I already had every reason to hate him.
I sit here at my desk, and I have no idea what I am supposed to do when I finish writing this. Something very anonymous. Perhaps, go to the library and leave it in a book. I could do the old message in a bottle thing. Or even better. Leave it where a dog would go. No or yes? Do I really want him to find this? To know how I feel? Yes. Yes I do. There is a park down the street; I can leave it there, on a bench. Dogs go to the park all the time, right? Well, I don't know, but I do know that he has always been particularly fond of parks such as the one down the street. So.why not?
Oh, and Dear, if you do find this. Please, don't come for me. Not unless you don't intend to leave me or hurt me. I don't think I can handle it again.
I shall love you for always."
Sirius was speechless, or more like barkless. The letter. It was heartbreaking and yet he somehow felt guilty all of a sudden. This man this woman wrote of, he seemed so much like Sirius himself. Maybe.no, that couldn't be it, or could it? Sirius did currently resemble the man that this lady was writing about.and there was the whole dog thing.
The woman sitting beside the black dog spoke, interrupting his thoughts, "Well, dog, sad isn't it? I assume that the man she speaks of is that horrid Black man that they talk about all the time recently on the television. I am a bit confused about the whole dog thing though.you know what? Why don't you take this, bring it to Black. Find him. The way she talks about him, it doesn't appear that he could be that bad, and you're a strong dog, please. I feel like I owe this woman. I wasn't going to break up with Joe today. Even though I truly love Christopher, but now I know that I need to let Joe go. Christopher needs me, and I owe this Fruit woman."
Oh. Shit. Fruit.
"Anyways, dog, like I was saying, will you please deliver this?"
The blonde was shocked when Sirius simply opened his mouth, taking the letter and envelope out of her hands, and walked away, leaving her smiling.
Sirius tried to piece everything together as he walked back up Magnolia Crescent. It appeared that the letter was written from Arabella to Sirius.but how? He looked over the letter and caught that the woman said that the park was down the street.meaning that she must be up the street from the park.and the old woman was heading from that direction.and she had almost fainted when she saw the dog. Once again Sirius checked the letter, "I look older than I truly am, so all most people see is an old lady that's off her rocker." .that meant that.oh my god.
He could feel their presence all around him. "Damned dementors." he thought as he made his way down Magnolia Crescent. Sirius had just assumed that hiding in a muggle neighborhood would help his chances. Turning to look at an old lady that seemed to be going the same direction as himself, he could see her glance at him out of the corner of her eye and almost faint in doing so. Shrugging his strong dog shoulders, Sirius continued on his way. Just a bit farther down the street, he could see a nice little park and a sign that said Magnolia Park: In memory of Madame Magnolia. God bless. Sirius snorted, "First they name a street after some old lady, now they name the park on the street after the same old lady, these people have no creativity." Thinking of the whole 'old lady' thing, Sirius once again turned to look at the senior citizen that had been walking beside him, seeing that she had already passed him, due to her quickening of pace.
Sirius walked into the small park and looked around, noting that the park itself was nicer than the uncreative name it had.
Having lost sight of the old lady Sirius wandered, trying to find somebody to follow and appear to belong to. Trying to think of the best place to find somebody that was easy to follow, Sirius decided the best place was to look on a bench, being that elderly people, who would be glad to be his 'owner', always sit on benches. Looking for a bench with people that seemed most suiting, he saw something that caught his eye. There was a young blonde woman, probably in her thirties, crying silently with a letter held in her hand. He immediately felt sympathy towards the blonde and made his way over towards her.
He could hear her mumbling under her breath, "Oh, poor thing, she must have loved him so much, I bet he's that one man that --- " before she could even finish her sentence she once again broke out in tears. Still feeling sympathy towards the young woman, Sirius, still in dog form of course, went and nudged the woman's knee with his head.
Looking down, she smiled at him, "Hello, dog. Would you like me to read you this letter?" Sirius, not sure what a dog would do in response to a question like that, just nudged her knee again.
"I'll take that as a yes." Smiling, but with eyes that were still red from tears, she began to read.
"Dear Diary,
I have just returned from the market, to buy some fruit.oh, he used to call me Fruit, in reference to my last name and just to piss me off. God, I used to hate that. Now I think I would give anything to hear his whispers of "Fruit" echoing around me as the six of us sat at breakfast. Ah, the school days. Silly cares as a silly schoolgirl. The simple life. But those days are long over.
At the time, all I ever wanted was for me to be that special girl, just for the moment. So many girls flew through his life, and I didn't want to be just another fling. Now, I don't think I would even mind being one of his flings.
But look at what he has become. The tangled mess, which I assume is his hair, hanging all the way to his elbows. The same hair of his, that I used to, still do and always will, long to run my fingers through. But now my fingers would probably get stuck. His face no longer glows and is tanned but sullen and pale with, what are now - thin white strips that I believe are supposed to be his lips. And his eyes, oh, his eyes, those small grey clouds that rested upon his face. I could have spent hours looking into those clouds, trying to look past the fog, and see the sky that I knew he held within. The fog seems to have thickened over the years, almost as if he is trying to hide that sky inside, or the birds that fly in it.
He doesn't seem like the boy I knew before. And he isn't. He has grown into a man. But that is not all that has changed. He may not have ever cared for his weekly dishes and side dishes of girls, but I know he cared for us, for them. How could this have changed so quickly? Deep down, I don't think that I truly believe he has changed. I don't want to believe that it is true. But I know it must be true, it has to be. Doesn't it?
I have spent 12 long years trying to get over him. A silly schoolgirl crush it may have seemed, but I now know, and have known for quite a while now, that it must be deeper. But were, and are, my feelings so deep because his were so shallow? Could I have loved him so much that he didn't need to love me back, as I could love for the both of us? No, that can't be it, either I am insane, or he loves me too. I think I am leaning towards the previous.
Anyways, I have spent 12 years trying to get over him, 'trying' being the key word here. I still cry out randomly, sometimes things will trigger my emotions and sometimes for no reason at all. Sometimes I see a black dog on the street and not knowing whether it is my imagination or not, I call the dog. Many times people stare but then when they see me they look away. I look older than I truly am, so all most people see is an old lady that's off her rocker. If only they knew how wrong they are. I'm as sane as can be. But then again, I don't imagine I can be all that sane after all that I have gone through.
This year will definitely be difficult. Harder than most, I know. He has escaped. And yet, I keep hoping that he will come and carry me off into the sunset. I also have to worry that he is after the boy. How am I supposed to battle these conflicting emotions I contain within myself? I know it will definitely not be easy. And what if he does come after the poor child, who I am careful to keep a close eye on, while the boy is still at his relatives'. I would come to rescue the boy and all that man would have to say is to trust him and that it would all be all right, and though it might be part of his master plan, I would fall for it. I would fall hard. Like I did, oh so many years ago.
I still somehow feel guilty for their death. Look at me. I can't even write their names down on a simple piece of paper, let alone say them. I should have listened to her. She told me to go after him. Forget what he had done in the past and I could set him on the right track. I thought he was drifting, I just didn't know how far off course he was. To think, a man, like him losing sight of the North Star. I never would have imagined it possible. It is clear that his mind drifted far too deep into the Southern hemisphere. He was unable to see the distant glow of that North Star, and even of my love. But I could have kept him North if I had truly tried. And I didn't try hard enough. I was so cowardly. I sat there, right in the front row as he gave himself to that horrible woman. I cried what he thought were tears of joy. Oh, if he had only known.
But she was his angel in every possible way. You just can't interfere with something like that. It's just wrong. There was nothing wrong with her I suppose. Except for the fact that she married my true love. She cheated on him left and right, although, I suppose he probably did the same to her. She never loved him. And he most likely never loved her. They could look into each other's eyes and see lust, never love. She treated him with no respect. Only using him to have his child, which I am not even sure if she ever did, I hope not. Okay, I know that was not necessarily relevant but that is how I have felt for all these years. And now that she has left him, and is remarried, he is single, and free. Free, in more than one meaning of the word.
Like I have said before, if he came for me, I would not have a choice. I would feel comfort in his arms and let him sweep me off my feet. Feeling like a princess, I would make no objection. At the time, that is. Later I would come to my senses. I always did. But most likely, by the time I did, it would already be too late. For all I know about the situation, for all I know about him himself, I might already be dead. I may have always come to my senses later on, but it was also always too late. I came to my senses to save him, when he was already gone. I came to my senses to love him, when I already had every reason to hate him.
I sit here at my desk, and I have no idea what I am supposed to do when I finish writing this. Something very anonymous. Perhaps, go to the library and leave it in a book. I could do the old message in a bottle thing. Or even better. Leave it where a dog would go. No or yes? Do I really want him to find this? To know how I feel? Yes. Yes I do. There is a park down the street; I can leave it there, on a bench. Dogs go to the park all the time, right? Well, I don't know, but I do know that he has always been particularly fond of parks such as the one down the street. So.why not?
Oh, and Dear, if you do find this. Please, don't come for me. Not unless you don't intend to leave me or hurt me. I don't think I can handle it again.
I shall love you for always."
Sirius was speechless, or more like barkless. The letter. It was heartbreaking and yet he somehow felt guilty all of a sudden. This man this woman wrote of, he seemed so much like Sirius himself. Maybe.no, that couldn't be it, or could it? Sirius did currently resemble the man that this lady was writing about.and there was the whole dog thing.
The woman sitting beside the black dog spoke, interrupting his thoughts, "Well, dog, sad isn't it? I assume that the man she speaks of is that horrid Black man that they talk about all the time recently on the television. I am a bit confused about the whole dog thing though.you know what? Why don't you take this, bring it to Black. Find him. The way she talks about him, it doesn't appear that he could be that bad, and you're a strong dog, please. I feel like I owe this woman. I wasn't going to break up with Joe today. Even though I truly love Christopher, but now I know that I need to let Joe go. Christopher needs me, and I owe this Fruit woman."
Oh. Shit. Fruit.
"Anyways, dog, like I was saying, will you please deliver this?"
The blonde was shocked when Sirius simply opened his mouth, taking the letter and envelope out of her hands, and walked away, leaving her smiling.
Sirius tried to piece everything together as he walked back up Magnolia Crescent. It appeared that the letter was written from Arabella to Sirius.but how? He looked over the letter and caught that the woman said that the park was down the street.meaning that she must be up the street from the park.and the old woman was heading from that direction.and she had almost fainted when she saw the dog. Once again Sirius checked the letter, "I look older than I truly am, so all most people see is an old lady that's off her rocker." .that meant that.oh my god.