"All right, welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway where the stuff's made up and the points don't matter

Thanks again to Hazel for letting me use you and your characters Elia and Seth as well as your band Helium 19.

"All right, welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway where the stuff's made up and the points don't matter."

"Yeah like friendship to you…" Ryan mutters.

"Anyway, it's time for our next game. Are you all ready?" they all nod.

"It's time for Party Quirks! This is for all four of you. Chip will be the host of a party and the rest of you will come in with your own, quirky identity that's written on the cards. When you're ready, begin." Chip begins setting things up.

"Oh I do hope I bought enough dip."

"Ding-dong!" Colin rings the doorbell.

"Ah! The first guest is here." Chip goes and opens up the door.

"Well hel---"

"What are you doing blocking the doorway? Get out!!!" he shoves Chip aside and goes to the table. The word 'Helmacron' displays on the screen.

"You call this dip?!!! How dare you insult me like that you insignificant human! I will have you tortured and enslaved for that!!! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!!!!" Colin booms.

"Oh…ah…I think I hear the next guest arriving…" Chip draws away meekly.

"Ding-dong!" Toomin rings.

"Hello! Won't you come in?"

"No, I'd rather sit out on your porch for all hours. Ours. Ow." He says. The phrase 'Ax trying to be swanky' appear.

"Huh?"

"Whoosh! Hahaa, you think any slower kid an there'll be moss growin on you! Haahaha!" Toomin pats Chip heartily on the back.

"Hey great digs, great digs you got here! Digs-uh. Uh." Toomin saunters around.

"Uh…thanks…" Chip says and follows Toomin.

"Who's the babe? Abe? Buh, buh." Toomin says and picks up a frame.

"That's my sister!"

"She's got nothin' goin' on…" he says and throws the frame down.

"Hey! Wow!" Toomin says as he spots Colin.

"You puny mortal! BOW DOWN BEFORE MY OUTRAGEOUS MIGHT!"

"Wo-ho-oo. Man, I never forget a face but for you I'll make an exception…" says Toomin.

"Ding-dong!" Ryan chirps.

"Yeah you two get better aquatinted…" Chip says and goes to the door.

"Hia! Welcome to the party!" Chip greets Ryan.

"Hello Chip!" Ryan takes his hand and shakes it.

"Well come in now." Chip leads him in. The phrase 'Chee on the verge of malfunctioning' appear.

"Oh why thank you Chip, and is this Spot?" He bends down and begins patting an imaginary dog.

"Uh yeah!" Chip nods.

"Awwww….such a good boy!" He scratches the imaginary dog's ears.

"Just make yourself at home…" Chip invites.

"I think I will!" Ryan continues to be strangely cheerful.

"Is this a party or just a ruse to get us rubes in here? Use! Ruse. Ub-b-b-b…" Toomin taps an imaginary cigar. Ryan goes to the table and begins helping himself to some food.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!" Colin explodes.

"I was just getting some food for Spot. He is hungry…" Ryan explains happily.

"THIS IS MY TABLE! MY HOUSE! MY PLANET!!"

"Actually this is my table and my house…" Chip interjects.

"NOT ANYMORE!! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME YOU UNWORTHY DOGS! I RUN THINGS AROUND HERE!!!" Colin yells and gets really red in the face.

"Well I think we are all equal and there's plenty of everything so that we can all be HAPPY AND PEACEFUL!!" Ryan raises his voice and looks really intense.

"Oh my, excuse me there…" he shakes his head and smiles

" Hey, some freak show you got running around here. When's the bearded lady coming? Ing! Ing-uh-uh!" Toomin says.

"I WANT ALL OF YOU TO SUBMIT TO MY AWESOME STRENGTH!! BOW DOWN YOU PUNGENT PILES OF PUKE!!" Colin bellows.

"Oh, now I think you are just being A LITTLE TOO OVERBEARING!!!" Ryan starts out nice and then shouts.

"Oh I do apologize, I think it's that new oil I had today…" Ryan looks to Chip.

"THAT'S IT! ALL OF YOU OUT! OUT! OUT!" Colin begins shoving everyone towards the door.

"I've heard of pushy people but this is a little ridiculous! Ous! Ic-u-lous!" Toomin stutters.

"WHAT IS THIS? A DOG? GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU MANGY MUTT!" Colin punts something on the ground. Ryan shoves Chip and Toomin out of the way and bears down on Colin.

"I've tried to be a polite guest but you have just been too much! THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW!! SO YOU CAN LEAVE OR KISS MY FINE METAL ASS!!" Ryan roars.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! The audience applauds and cheers loudly.

"Okay Chip can you guess who they are?"

"Was Colin Visser Three?" he guesses.

"Noooo, not quite…"

"I'm pretty sure Ryan was a Chee android…who was malfunctioning?" he ventures.

"Yes! A Chee android on the verge of malfunctioning." Ryan goes and sits down.

"Was Colin a sub-visser of sorts then?" Chip guesses again.

"No, not a yeerk. Another alien." Drew hints. Chip stands there and tries to think.

"Do you want…"

"No I'll get it." Chip says and rubs his chin. Colin gets down on his knees and tries to be small.

"What? Oh-oh! He's a, whatchmacallit? Helmacron!" there is applause as Colin gets up and goes to his chair.

"And now for Toomin…" Drew says. Chip looks at him.

"Ah! I have it now! He's an Andalite imitating some 20s movie?"

"Ax trying to be swanky." Drew reads.

"Okay then." Chip says. He and Toomin go back to their chairs as the audience cheers.

Meanwhile in the lobby…..

"Well MTV these days has gotten too off track. What happened to the days where it would show music videos for hours on end? Now you have to be up at like 2 to see the good stuff." Brad says.

"Yeah it's all that stupid boy band, girlie, girlie stuff these days. No talent at all…" Wayne shakes his head.

"Or they're some bad-ass rapper of sorts." Greg adds.

"Not true! Have you heard Linkin Park? That stuff's pretty original. They actually play the instruments and the material is great." Hazel says.

"Well, they aren't the regular but their material is a bit repetitive." Brad disagrees.

"What! They have several themes! Fear of self, that there's something in you that's evil. Distance and failure as well as triumph and resolution! Not to mention Joe Hahn rocks the turntables…" Hazel says.

"Well yeah I guess he does…" Brad nods.

"And that singer of theirs, Chester…." Hazel sighs.

"So are we doing anything or is it just going to be them this entire episode?" Wayne asks.

"I dunno." Hazel snaps out of her day-dream and shrugs.

"Wow, cool!" Seth exclaims.

"What?" They ask.

"That guy's got a sword! Look! Right next to the red head…" Seth points out.

"Hey neat." Brad says as they look at four teens, three guys, and one girl.

"Hey dude, someone's looking at the sword again…" the blonde guy whispers to the sword guy. He turns around.

"Ya like it?" David shows his sword.

"Wher'd ya get it exactly?" Brad asks.

"Parallel world." Christopher says.

"Ooooookaaaaaaay……" Greg trails.

"So what are you doing in the ABC lobby?" Hazel asks.

"Oh, we're trying to turn Everworld into a miniseries. We came here to pitch our script." April explains.

"Neat." Hazel nods. Lenalaye walks in.

"Wow! Is that Everworld?" she asks.

"The one and only." Christopher says.

"Hey! I'd like you to meet my muse then, Odrin." Odrin steps out from behind her.

"Is that a fairy? Where'd you get him?" Jalil asks.

"Ah well, Odrin here did some stuff in the fantasy realm and they kicked him out. They were showing him on Wednesday's Muse and I just couldn't resist the little guy!" She pats Odrin on the head affectionately.

"What channel? The Freak Shopping Network?" Christopher laughs. Odrin drops his smile and brings his wand about.

"Uh-oh…" Wayne comments.

"What's he doing?!" April cries out in alarm.

ZAP! Odrin shoots a stream of magic and hits Christopher.

POOF! There is a cloud of smoke.

"Ack!" Greg and the others cough.

"Christopher?! Hey man where are you?!" David cries out and parts the smoke.

"I'm here man! Can't you see me?" Christopher's voice rings from the fog. Elia goes and turns on a fan. The remnants of the cloud are blown away and they gasp.

"What?! Dude what happened to me?!" Christopher cries.

"Uh…Odrin turned you into a rat." Hazel says.

"It's not a rat. It's a meercat. Little rodents that live in Africa." Jalil explains.

"Oh! He's that thing Timon was in The Lion King." April realizes.

"Ahhhhhh!" Christopher shrieks as he looks down at himself. He turns to Odrin.

"You bastard!" he shakes a paw. Odrin beats his wings furiously and raises his wand again.

"Uh-oh." Christopher takes off and Odrin zips after him.

"I wouldn't worry. Odrin normally tires out after six hours." Lenalaye says.

" Six hours?! We have to help him!" April stresses.

"You guys stay here while we go reign Odrin in." Hazel says to Elia and Seth. Wayne, Brad and Greg sigh collectively.

"Well I shouldn't be complaining, considering my head is still intact…" Greg says.

"Is that Helium 19 down that corridor I see?" a new voice whispers.

"Helium 19! No way!" Seth yells.

"Helium 19?" Brad says curiously.

"We should go check it out!" Elia suggests.

"Wait! What about the prisoners?" Seth says.

"C'mon! Helium 19!" Elia presses. Seth shrugs and they both bolt. Greg twiddles his thumbs and Wayne and Brad shake their heads.

"Psssst!" someone whispers.

"What the…" Wayne swings his head around.

"Psssssst! Over here!" the voice continues. They get up and go to behind the vending machines. A girl pops out.

"Man, you guys really are everywhere…" Brad remarks.

"Keep quiet. I'm here to help you." she says and puts a finger to her lips.

"Help us? You mean escape?" Greg asks.

"More than that, just follow me." she sneaks off and the three shrug and follow.

Back on the set….

Toomin takes a sip of water and the others stand by for the next game.

"Okay and now for Weird Newscasters! This is for all four of you…" The four guys get up and Ryan and Colin get some chairs.

"Okay this game has Toomin as a news anchor with Colin as his co-anchor. Colin, you will be a human controller that has just eaten a big bowl of ginger oatmeal." Colin frowns and sits in his chair.

"And Chip, who will be taking Wayne's place for sports, will be Peeves from Harry Potter?" Drew stares at the card then at the front row.

"Len was getting tired of doing all Animorphs so I guess she threw some Harry Potter in." Danel explains.

"Makes it funny! Who here doesn't like HP?" Momo Claus asks.

"NOBODY!!" the audience replies.

"Okay, whatever," Drew then lowers his voice. "Freaks." He then looks to Ryan.

"Ryan, as the weatherman you will be Senna casting a spell on everyone so that they may serve you." Ryan just stares as the audience laughs.

"When you hear the music, begin." Drew instructs. Then the music comes on and the camera zooms in on Toomin and Colin.

"Hello and welcome to the five-thirty news I am Jaque Strap." He pauses as the audience laughs.

"Tonight's headline story focuses on the finding of the missing Blade Ship belonging to the former Visser Three. It was discovered when famed wizard Harry Potter crashed into it's cloaking device while practicing for Quidditch. Police have questioned the pilot of the ship and suspect that he might have had a little too much alchy-hol . What it was doing in Britain is still subject to question." He turns to Colin.

"And to check out on our secondary story is Colin. Colin, how is the war faring in Everworld?" Colin twitches.

"Well, you see Jaque it's---" Colin cocks his head violently.

"Bah, bah….." he stutters and gets a shocked look on his face. He shakes his head and regains composure.

"What I meant to say was that Loki's new alliance with---arghh!" Colin's hand flies up and hits him in the face. He gets up.

" I am so stoned…." He laughs at Toomin and spontaneously flips onto the ground. He gets up and dusts himself.

"You see, with the gods n' stuff and they're all like fighting---" Colin puts out his hands as if to convey what he's saying. Then he twists and contorts.

"Get, him outta me! Get out! Get out!" Colin claws at his head. Then he relaxes and laughs.

"Dude! There's like! Dude! And these colors n' stuff." Colin's face twists and warps. He staggers.

"WOW!" Colin says very loudly and smooshs his face. Then he blinks a couple of times.

" I mean dude!" he goes to the audience.

"Look, I just need a little oatmeal if you all would be so kind…" he opens up his hands. Then he trips backward.

"Get out! GET OUT!" Colin jumps up and down hysterically. He then rubs his face.

"Oh man, I really could use a bowl of oatmeal. Oh Quaker Man where are you?!!" Colin weeps as he sinks to his knees. He rolls up into a ball on the ground. Toomin blinks.

"Thank you Colin." Colin staggers back.

"It's just a problem! It's taken a hold of me!" He falls on his knees and cries into Toomin's legs.

"Okay, throwing it over to Chip for sports! How's that home team doin'?" the camera swings over to Chip. Chip is bent over, a surreal grin on his face. His hands are constantly rubbing and conniving. He speaks in a depraved, high-pitched voice.

"HEHEHHEEEE! Well unfortunately for Griffyndor, Harry Potter will be out for this season of Quidditch. HEHEHEEE! It seems that he ran smack into a hidden ship! AHAHAHAAA!" Chip throws his head back and laughs madly. He then runs over to a crying Colin. He snatches the chair that Colin clings to and throws it, laughing.

"Oh man, QUAKER MAN!" Colin cries out from the ground with a longing hand. Chip then goes up into his face and makes faces.

"AH! AH!" Colin screams fearfully and tries to shield himself. Chip then goes to Toomin.

"Want a Hertz donut?" he asks.

"Well, I…" Chip punches him.

"Hurts Don't it?! AHAHAHAAAA!" he giggles, then wets his finger and wriggles it into Toomin's ear. He laughs some more and goes to the set-up of chairs in the back. He rearranges them and then hauls one over to Drew's desk. He plops down and puts on a derisive face.

"Look at me! I'm Drew Carey! I'm a nerd with two shows and a best-selling book. I think I'm so cool with my crew cut even though I'm not in the army anymore. I made a movie about Geppetto being the big rip-off that I am!" He says in a mocking tone. He imitates Drew exaggerating his chubbiness.

"Bzzzzzz!" he pretends to look cool while hitting the buzzer. He does another hyperbolic Drew face as he winks and takes a drink from his mug. He then smashes it, over turns the chair, blows a raspberry at Drew and finally returns to the set, the audience howling with approval. Toomin stares at him.

"Well now---"

"AH!AH!" Colin still screams. He crawls to Toomin and holds onto him while looking around, paranoid.

"Are they gone?" Toomin kicks him away.

"Now let's check out the weather with Ryan! Ryan what's in store for this weekend?" The camera goes to Ryan whose eyes are half-lidded.

"Well, Jaques. It seems things are going to get hot. Very hot indeed." He says in a drawn out, seductive tone. He turns slowly to the imaginary map.

"You see the cold front here just moved out." he waves his pointing finger.

"Moving out….." it moves off the map and is joined by a second hand and they weave the air. Colin begins to sway back and forth.

"And with Merlin and some armies moving in I could use a few….aids…." he says as he swaggers up to Toomin and Colin. Their mouths drop open and Toomin begins to get up off of his chair.

"It'll be cloudy days if Merlin wins." He goes up to Toomin and gets close.

"But you, you can be my sunshine. My ray of hope…" he traces Toomin's face as he trembles. Ryan then turns to Colin. Toomin turns to the audience and bites his hand, pointing enthusiastically at Ryan. Colin shakes uncontrollably as Ryan gets close. He tries to crawl away but can't seem to coordinate himself. Ryan steps carefully, alluring look in his eye.

"DUDE! NO!!!! AH! AH! AH! But you're so hot…" Colin interrupts his own hysterics. Toomin drools over Ryan while Chip comes and mocks him. Ryan then holds Colin and they near, near, near,

Toomin upon seeing this comes and shoves Colin out of the way. Then he and Ryan kiss passionately as the audience members hoot and cheer.

"That is the five-thirty news, goodnight." He says in a cracked voice.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzz! The four return to their seats although Toomin has trouble considering he's laughing so hard.

"We'll be right back from the commercial on Whose Line is it Anyway? Don't go away…" Drew frames the card with his hands. Wayne, Greg and Brad stand in the wings with the fanfic author.

"Okay, now!" the fanfic author whispers. Greg, Wayne and Brad walk out.

"Hey! What's with you guys hogging the show?" Wayne asks the four.

"Yeah! We want to have some of the fun too!" Greg joins. Colin cocks an eyebrow. Brad goes low and whispers the message. Chip passes it to Colin who passes it to Ryan. Brad then walks up to Drew.

"Drew, how about Greg, Wayne and I take over for Colin, Ryan and Chip?" he proposes. Drew looks suspicious.

"You guys actually want to do this? As in willfully?" Brad props an elbow on the desk.

"Yeah! We really do Drew." He winks. Drew presses his lip into a line and taps the card. He turns to the cast.

"We need bathroom breaks!" Chip shouts.

"But I just gave you one five minutes ago!"

"Uh…I have that thing…overactive bladder. Yeah…" he says and begins to get up.

"Our improv muscles need rest." Colin also excuses himself.

"I have to make a phone call and wash my mouth…" Ryan gets up. Toomin narrows his eyes.

"I have to go refresh my mortal system. These bodies need upkeep you know…" Toomin starts to get up.

"You stay Toomin. We need four players!" Drew calls.

"You're not the boss of me!" Toomin rages. Greg grabs him and throws him back down into the chair where he slumps and stews in anger.

Wayne, Brad and Greg take their seats and wait for the show to return.

Backstage….

Ryan, Colin and Chip follow the fanfic author.

"Where are we going? Who are you?" Colin asks.

"Shhhhhh!" she says and opens the door to a room. They all file inside.

"So you're here to help us?" Chip asks. The fanfic author takes a seat. After a pause, she speaks.

"I'm not going to just help you. I'm going to tell you how to defeat Lenalaye and never be the victim of a fanfic author again."

"Ever?" Colin says in disbelief.

"Ever." She affirms.

*************************************************************

Ooooooo! Mysterious isn't it? Who is this fanfic author? How will they defeat Lenalaye? What game will Greg and Wayne and Brad play? You tell me! By the way, if you were confused about the Quaker Man I was talking about some oatmeal brand with a Quaker guy on the front of it.