Chapter 4
"Well, I don't accept that," Spike announced when Giles finished explaining the situation to him.
"That doesn't matter Spike. There's nothing you can do about it."
"There bloody well is!"
"What?" Giles demanded.
Spike frowned, "I don't know yet."
"There's nothing you can do."
"Rupert, Buffy once told me what Angel said about me when I first came to Sunnydale. You remember what he said?"
"Once he starts something he doesn't stop."
"I'm not giving up on her Giles. Not when I can finally have her. Not after all the shit we've been through."
"What do you suggest we do?"
"What you white hats always do. Research."
Spike watched Giles leave the crypt and then sighed. He talked big, but in reality, he had no idea what he was going to do. This was Buffy's destiny, like Spike suspected. Whatever he did he had to keep that fact in mind. He couldn't do anything that would change her or hurt her in any way.
Spike paced around the crypt, working out his extra energy. He knew this whole thing was his fault, but at the same time, there was nothing else he could do. If only that goddamned Travers had left him alone, there wouldn't be a problem.
The only thing stopping Spike from going to the watcher's house and ripping out Travers' throat was that Spike was still trying to act like he had the soul. Buffy finally loved him, and there was absolutely no reason for him to go and fuck it up just because he was extremely, undeniably, completely angry with the man.
Of course, if Buffy asked him to rip out the man's throat, he'd be more than happy to oblige. ***
It was after dark when Willow came to the crypt. "I brought blood from Willy's."
Spike smiled, "Thanks Red. Here, let me put that in the fridge."
"How you doing?"
Spike shrugged, "I'll survive. What about you?"
"I feel better than I thought I would. I was really scared."
He nodded, "You know, nobody is supposed to be able to get into vampire's minds. How do you do that?"
"I'm not entirely sure. Concentration. Well, the other night it was more fear than anything."
"I'm sorry, Willow."
She looked up, startled and confused. "Sorry about what?"
"When I woke up I wanted to rip your throat out," Spike replied calmly.
Willow gave a small, shaky smile. "But you didn't."
"Only because of the claim."
She shrugged, "It doesn't matter. We knew there would be a risk. Isn't that why you insisted on claiming us?"
"Yeah, but I still feel bad about it. Maybe I still have a bit of residual soul. How's Buffy?"
"She freaked royally when Giles told her. She's been alternating between crying and researching. One minute she's a wreck, the next she's take charge girl."
Spike punched the wall in frustration, making Willow jump. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
Willow shrugged, "We can bring some books over, I think. Though honestly I don't think we'll be able to find anything in the books."
"Why not?"
"Because the Watcher's council has made sure to destroy as many references to Lilith as possible, and because Travers' worked his own brand of mojo on your soul."
"What do you mean?"
"Whatever spell he used won't be found in any book. He created it himself."
"That's why the only way to undo it is to let it run its course?"
Willow nodded.
"Well that's just bloody brilliant isn't it?"
"We're not going to give up though, Spike. There may be something I can do."
Spike looked at her suspiciously, "I don't want you doing anything that will you."
Touched by his concern Willow hurriedly assured him that it wouldn't hurt you. "I'll be fine, especially with help from Anya and Giles. If Tara were here.." Spike didn't say anything, just let the witch get herself under control. "Anyway, it's something."
"What?"
"I don't want to tell you right now. Not unless I'm sure we can do it. It make take a few days for me to research. I'll tell you as soon I know."
"Ok, Red."
"Oh! Before I go, Buffy asked me to give you this." Willow handed him a small note.
Dear Spike, I felt you crying too. I guess this goes both ways. I know I should be excited and happy about my new power, but I'm not. I'm patrolling tonight. Just wanna give you fair warning. I don't want anything to happen to you. I love you. Buffy.
Spike looked up, "Can you wait a sec before you leave?"
"No problem."
Spike quickly found a small notebook and pen and jotted his response.
Slayer, Don't worry about coming to my cemetery. I'll take care of things here. If you need anything at all, you know I'll be here. Send one of the Scoobies and I'll do whatever they ask me to. Whatever you need me to. Try to get some sleep. Love you. Spike.
"One of us will come tomorrow, to update you on what's going on."
Spike nodded, "You know I'll be here."
***
Buffy hated patrolling. She used to love it. It used to be kinda fun. Now it was lonely. And it wasn't fun at all. She could complete her sweeps in half the time and kill twice as many demons. She didn't let any of the gang come with her because they would get in the way and they couldn't move as fast she could.
Spike could though. Spike would be able to keep up and he wouldn't get in her way. It didn't matter if she didn't need his help, she just needed him there with her. But the days bled into weeks and other than the short notes they sent back and forth they hadn't talked at all.
Spike tried to call her once, but it didn't do any good because neither one of them could speak. They were both too choked up with frustration, anger, rage, passion, disappointment, and love. So they stuck to short little notes.
It did help that she could still feel him. The little twinges and shivers that she pushed away before she welcomed now. It felt good to concentrate a little and be able to tell if he was eating, sleeping, reading, watching TV, or whatever else. Sometimes she could almost hear his thoughts. Almost.
But being forced to stay away from Spike gave her the opportunity to really concentrate on Lilith's demon. It wasn't really a demon, it was more of her essence. Honestly, Buffy didn't understand nor did she care to. She was just excited and relieved that she could control it.
Other than her strength, it really hadn't changed her at all. At first she was afraid that she would actually turn into a demon herself. The fact that she could smell blood and hear heartbeats didn't help relieve her fears. But Giles hastened to assure her that she had only developed vampire senses, not actually turned into one.
It was pretty cool actually, once she learned to control it. The entire world was full of smells. Spike once explained that everybody had a signature scent, that's how he could always tell when she was around. He had also told her that the human body releases pheromones when there are strong emotions, such as fear and anger. It took some time for Buffy to figure out which smell went with which emotion.
Her heightened senses were amazing when patrolling and she wondered how she had done it so many years with just Slayer senses. Her senses were always sharper than a regular human, but compared to what she could do now, Slayer senses were nothing.
She wished Spike could help her understand everything. The world now had so many layers and she was having trouble sorting through all of them. So many sounds and smells and textures.
Sometimes, late in the night, she would even smell Spike outside her window, his scent wafting in on the night breeze. It carried with it power and an almost feral hunger that frightened her. But Spike always left before the bloodlust overwhelmed him, and the regular kind of lust overwhelmed her.
She was extremely jealous of her friends. They all took turns keeping Spike company, visiting him once or twice a day, bringing blood and news. She could feel Spike's hopelessness and depression, and she encouraged her friends to go see him as often as they could. Spike was a social creature, and didn't do well by himself. He would never, ever admit that he actually needed people around him, but Buffy knew.
She wrapped up her patrol and hurried home. She had promised everybody that they would go to the Bronze that night and relax. It promised to be slow there since it was the middle of the week. She didn't like the idea of taking Dawn out on a school night, but the girl needed a break. She had thrown herself into researching like the rest of them, on top of her schoolwork.
A night at the Bronze was just what she needed.
***
Spike paced his crypt impatiently until he felt Buffy return home, safe and sound. He hated her patrolling by herself, but he had heard from various demons that she was completely unstoppable now. She didn't need help anymore.
Spike reached for a drink only to discover that all of his alcohol was gone. He needed to get out of the crypt and he needed a drink.
He shrugged and grabbed his duster. He knew that if went to Willy's then he would probably just get in a fight, and he wasn't in the mood for that. He decided to go to the Bronze. He wasn't worried about running into Buffy. She probably wanted to relax at home after patrolling and besides, it was a school night. She wouldn't let Dawn go out on a school night and she wouldn't let Dawn stay home by herself.
A night out would probably do him some good.
"Well, I don't accept that," Spike announced when Giles finished explaining the situation to him.
"That doesn't matter Spike. There's nothing you can do about it."
"There bloody well is!"
"What?" Giles demanded.
Spike frowned, "I don't know yet."
"There's nothing you can do."
"Rupert, Buffy once told me what Angel said about me when I first came to Sunnydale. You remember what he said?"
"Once he starts something he doesn't stop."
"I'm not giving up on her Giles. Not when I can finally have her. Not after all the shit we've been through."
"What do you suggest we do?"
"What you white hats always do. Research."
Spike watched Giles leave the crypt and then sighed. He talked big, but in reality, he had no idea what he was going to do. This was Buffy's destiny, like Spike suspected. Whatever he did he had to keep that fact in mind. He couldn't do anything that would change her or hurt her in any way.
Spike paced around the crypt, working out his extra energy. He knew this whole thing was his fault, but at the same time, there was nothing else he could do. If only that goddamned Travers had left him alone, there wouldn't be a problem.
The only thing stopping Spike from going to the watcher's house and ripping out Travers' throat was that Spike was still trying to act like he had the soul. Buffy finally loved him, and there was absolutely no reason for him to go and fuck it up just because he was extremely, undeniably, completely angry with the man.
Of course, if Buffy asked him to rip out the man's throat, he'd be more than happy to oblige. ***
It was after dark when Willow came to the crypt. "I brought blood from Willy's."
Spike smiled, "Thanks Red. Here, let me put that in the fridge."
"How you doing?"
Spike shrugged, "I'll survive. What about you?"
"I feel better than I thought I would. I was really scared."
He nodded, "You know, nobody is supposed to be able to get into vampire's minds. How do you do that?"
"I'm not entirely sure. Concentration. Well, the other night it was more fear than anything."
"I'm sorry, Willow."
She looked up, startled and confused. "Sorry about what?"
"When I woke up I wanted to rip your throat out," Spike replied calmly.
Willow gave a small, shaky smile. "But you didn't."
"Only because of the claim."
She shrugged, "It doesn't matter. We knew there would be a risk. Isn't that why you insisted on claiming us?"
"Yeah, but I still feel bad about it. Maybe I still have a bit of residual soul. How's Buffy?"
"She freaked royally when Giles told her. She's been alternating between crying and researching. One minute she's a wreck, the next she's take charge girl."
Spike punched the wall in frustration, making Willow jump. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
Willow shrugged, "We can bring some books over, I think. Though honestly I don't think we'll be able to find anything in the books."
"Why not?"
"Because the Watcher's council has made sure to destroy as many references to Lilith as possible, and because Travers' worked his own brand of mojo on your soul."
"What do you mean?"
"Whatever spell he used won't be found in any book. He created it himself."
"That's why the only way to undo it is to let it run its course?"
Willow nodded.
"Well that's just bloody brilliant isn't it?"
"We're not going to give up though, Spike. There may be something I can do."
Spike looked at her suspiciously, "I don't want you doing anything that will you."
Touched by his concern Willow hurriedly assured him that it wouldn't hurt you. "I'll be fine, especially with help from Anya and Giles. If Tara were here.." Spike didn't say anything, just let the witch get herself under control. "Anyway, it's something."
"What?"
"I don't want to tell you right now. Not unless I'm sure we can do it. It make take a few days for me to research. I'll tell you as soon I know."
"Ok, Red."
"Oh! Before I go, Buffy asked me to give you this." Willow handed him a small note.
Dear Spike, I felt you crying too. I guess this goes both ways. I know I should be excited and happy about my new power, but I'm not. I'm patrolling tonight. Just wanna give you fair warning. I don't want anything to happen to you. I love you. Buffy.
Spike looked up, "Can you wait a sec before you leave?"
"No problem."
Spike quickly found a small notebook and pen and jotted his response.
Slayer, Don't worry about coming to my cemetery. I'll take care of things here. If you need anything at all, you know I'll be here. Send one of the Scoobies and I'll do whatever they ask me to. Whatever you need me to. Try to get some sleep. Love you. Spike.
"One of us will come tomorrow, to update you on what's going on."
Spike nodded, "You know I'll be here."
***
Buffy hated patrolling. She used to love it. It used to be kinda fun. Now it was lonely. And it wasn't fun at all. She could complete her sweeps in half the time and kill twice as many demons. She didn't let any of the gang come with her because they would get in the way and they couldn't move as fast she could.
Spike could though. Spike would be able to keep up and he wouldn't get in her way. It didn't matter if she didn't need his help, she just needed him there with her. But the days bled into weeks and other than the short notes they sent back and forth they hadn't talked at all.
Spike tried to call her once, but it didn't do any good because neither one of them could speak. They were both too choked up with frustration, anger, rage, passion, disappointment, and love. So they stuck to short little notes.
It did help that she could still feel him. The little twinges and shivers that she pushed away before she welcomed now. It felt good to concentrate a little and be able to tell if he was eating, sleeping, reading, watching TV, or whatever else. Sometimes she could almost hear his thoughts. Almost.
But being forced to stay away from Spike gave her the opportunity to really concentrate on Lilith's demon. It wasn't really a demon, it was more of her essence. Honestly, Buffy didn't understand nor did she care to. She was just excited and relieved that she could control it.
Other than her strength, it really hadn't changed her at all. At first she was afraid that she would actually turn into a demon herself. The fact that she could smell blood and hear heartbeats didn't help relieve her fears. But Giles hastened to assure her that she had only developed vampire senses, not actually turned into one.
It was pretty cool actually, once she learned to control it. The entire world was full of smells. Spike once explained that everybody had a signature scent, that's how he could always tell when she was around. He had also told her that the human body releases pheromones when there are strong emotions, such as fear and anger. It took some time for Buffy to figure out which smell went with which emotion.
Her heightened senses were amazing when patrolling and she wondered how she had done it so many years with just Slayer senses. Her senses were always sharper than a regular human, but compared to what she could do now, Slayer senses were nothing.
She wished Spike could help her understand everything. The world now had so many layers and she was having trouble sorting through all of them. So many sounds and smells and textures.
Sometimes, late in the night, she would even smell Spike outside her window, his scent wafting in on the night breeze. It carried with it power and an almost feral hunger that frightened her. But Spike always left before the bloodlust overwhelmed him, and the regular kind of lust overwhelmed her.
She was extremely jealous of her friends. They all took turns keeping Spike company, visiting him once or twice a day, bringing blood and news. She could feel Spike's hopelessness and depression, and she encouraged her friends to go see him as often as they could. Spike was a social creature, and didn't do well by himself. He would never, ever admit that he actually needed people around him, but Buffy knew.
She wrapped up her patrol and hurried home. She had promised everybody that they would go to the Bronze that night and relax. It promised to be slow there since it was the middle of the week. She didn't like the idea of taking Dawn out on a school night, but the girl needed a break. She had thrown herself into researching like the rest of them, on top of her schoolwork.
A night at the Bronze was just what she needed.
***
Spike paced his crypt impatiently until he felt Buffy return home, safe and sound. He hated her patrolling by herself, but he had heard from various demons that she was completely unstoppable now. She didn't need help anymore.
Spike reached for a drink only to discover that all of his alcohol was gone. He needed to get out of the crypt and he needed a drink.
He shrugged and grabbed his duster. He knew that if went to Willy's then he would probably just get in a fight, and he wasn't in the mood for that. He decided to go to the Bronze. He wasn't worried about running into Buffy. She probably wanted to relax at home after patrolling and besides, it was a school night. She wouldn't let Dawn go out on a school night and she wouldn't let Dawn stay home by herself.
A night out would probably do him some good.