Ugh! Sorry, I am so preoccupied with this one other fic I almost totally forgot this one. *sigh* better wrap things up! Two more chpts should do the trick….
Again, the guys of Linkin Park are not mine (only in my wildest fantasies…)
Thanks as well to Momo, Air Wolf, Akisis and EllimistGirl
PS: Dan Patterson is the Executive Producer of Whose Line is it Anyway?
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With the rebels….
Akisis looks around. Ryan, Greg, Chip, Brad, Wayne, Drew and Toomin are gathered around.
"Ryan, are you ready or what?" Ryan Stiles pops up in front.
"Yeah, hey what's up with her?" he says pointing to Lenalaye who throws up a bundle of cards. Akisis smiles wickedly.
"I think she's running out of muse magic. Hehehehee," she says rubbing her hands together, "perfect time to strike." Wayne turns to Ryan.
"Hey, what kind of ending did you write anyway?" he asks Ryan. Ryan darts his eyes.
"Uh….you'll see…." Lenalaye begins slamming her head on the desk.
"Okay Ryan! Do it now! Upload the chpt!" Aksis urges and Ryan immediately does so. The others clench their fists and gear up to see what happens on-stage. The lights black out.
"Great!" Akisis cheers.
"Oh not again! This is so freakin cliché!" Lenalaye yells. Everyone stays in suspended darkness.
"Now what happens Ryan?" Chip asks eagerly as a few seconds pass by uneventfully. Ryan begins to sweat.
"Well?" Drew asks.
"Uh…ur…um…." Ryan stutters, everyone looks at him.
"Ryan….you did write an ending didn't you?" Aksis says in a dangerous voice. Ryan begins breathing hard.
"RYAN YOU IDIOT!!!" Brad yells.
"I WROTE AN ENDING!" Ryan yells out in defense.
"THEN WHY ISN'T ANYTHING HAPPENING??!" Akisis screams, tearing her hair out.
"I wrote an ending! I just….didn't have enough time to write a connecting piece…" he says sheepishly.
"Why not?!" Akisis yells in his face. Ryan puts his hands up to defend himself.
"I just couldn't figure out what to do! My mind wandered off…."
"I'll say." Greg mutters. Akisis smacks her face in frustration.
"You could have put anything! A sentence! Anything would have done the trick!"
"That's not good writing etiquette! Just throwing things together like that…." Drew smacks Ryan on the upside of the head.
"Writing etiquette?! This is a humor fic! Who cares?!!"
"Uhh…guys…" Wayne taps their shoulders and points to Lenalaye, Air Wolf and Momo Claus all holding lanterns.
"Couldn't write a connecting piece….," Len laughs, "you stupid rebels!"
"More like stupid muses!" Air Wolf and her multiple inner demons laugh. Christopher comes forward, bearing his tiny meercat fists in a boxing-like fashion.
"What?! I'm a perfectly good muse! You come here ya bitches I'll show yaaaaaaaa!" Air Wolf punts Christopher further into the wings of the set.
"What do you say? Put them into slash fics now?" Momo asks.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ryan, Drew, Chip, Greg, Wayne, Toomin and Akisis cry out in unison.
"Mwuahahahahahhaaaa!" Len laughs evilly. Air Wolf stares at her.
"You call that an evil laugh? That's not how you laugh evilly. This is how you laugh evilly. Bwuaahahahhahaaa!"
"Phff that was hardly evil." Len scoffs.
"It was perfectly evil!" Air Wolf defends.
"No it was more like mischievous than evil." Momo interjects.
"Really? I was thinking it just sounded demented rather than evil." Len says.
"It was evil!" Air Wolf yells out.
"The hell it was evil! Mwuahahhahaaa!" Len says and tries out her laugh.
"No, no Len it's too flat. You got to have a slight chuckle in there." Momo advises.
"Chuckle? That's for hearty laughing not for evil laughing. You have to have a sort of misty tone. That way you sound creepy, therefore evil." Len decides.
"No, no, no! Evil laughter must sound powerful and all encompassing. You want to surround the person with your evilness." Air Wolf differs.
"Naw you got is all wrong! It must be clear-cut and strike the person cold in their hearts. Or somethin' like that…." says Momo
"Another thing, when you laugh you have to climb the scale so that by the end you're all high-pitched, like Lord Voldemorte." Air Wolf adds. Momo gasps and drops her lantern.
"You said You-Know-Who's name!" she cries out.
"Oh grow up!" Air Wolf rolls her eyes.
"What's important with evil laughter is that you find just the right type for you. That way you laugh for several seconds to the point where its maniacal. ." Len says.
"You know what Len, you're right. Let's all try out our evil laughs!" Air Wolf declares.
"Mwuahahahhahahaa!"
"Bwuahahahahhaa!"
"Hehehehehhehahahahhaahahahaaa!" The three writers laugh.
"Momo you sound like an old weeny guy, try to buff it out a bit." Len says.
"Ahahahhahaaa!"
"That's better."
"Mwuahahahahhahaa!"
"Bwuahahahhahaa!"
"Ahahahhahahaa!" they go on for several seconds till they're gasping for air.
"Okay, now that we've perfected our evil laughs," Len turns back to the rebels, "You will incur my awesome, powerful, merciless —" she realizes she's talking to empty space.
"They got away!" Air Wolf exclaims.
"Those rotten kids!" Len shakes her fist after them.
"That's not the proper way to curse your enemy when he escapes you, you do it like this, with your fist held high." Air Wolf demonstrates.
"Like this?" Len raises her fist
"Like this!" Air Wolf does it with emphasis.
"No, no, no that's like a victory hand raise!" Momo complains, "You need to twist your face too, look all mean and scary. Arrr!" She demonstrates.
"Not 'Arrr!' it's 'Grrrrr!' evil people are always growling." Len corrects.
"So you put your fist up like this and go 'Arrr!'" Air Wolf concludes.
"No, no, no you put your fist down lower, bend your elbow and you don't just say 'Arrr!' you say 'Arrr those rotten kids!'" Len declares.
"Okay, okay let's try this again. Together now…" Air Wolf says.
"Arrrr! Those rotten kids!" they all says and grimace in unison.
"You know I really think we should change that phrase, I mean they're older than we are!" Momo complains. Len rolls her eyes.
"Okay then we change it to 'Arrr those rotten rebels!'"
"I think 'cursed' works better than 'rotten'." Air Wolf comments.
"Really? I suppose but 'rotten rebels' has a ring to it." Len says.
"Okay, once again."
" Arrr those cursed rebels!" they all say.
"That was perfect!" Momo exclaims.
"Umm….master…I really think…" Odrin tugs at Len's jeans.
"Huh?"
"Those cursed rebels have been on the run for five minutes!" Odrin exclaims. Len's eyes widen.
"Damn!" she curses and grinds her fist into her hand.
"Well at least we perfected our laughs. Ahahahahhaaaa!" Momo says giddily.
" To the Conference Room! We need to have a meeting…" Len announces.
"We have a Conference Room?" Air Wolf asks.
"Not yet, but don't tell that to Dan Patterson!" Len says sneakily.
"Bwuahahahhaaa!"
"Mwuauahahahhaha!"
"Ahahahhahaaaaa!"
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"Argh! What are we supposed to do now?" Chip stresses.
"Why doesn't Ryan just re-write the chpt, with a connecting sentence inserted and re-post it?" Wayne reasons.
"I don't have my muse! I can't write without a muse!" Ryan runs his hands through his hair.
"C'mon Ryan I mean it's not like he actually did anything other than provide us with that one memorable scene where he got turned into a meercat." Toomin consoles Ryan. Akisis too, places a hand on Ryan's shoulder.
"A muse isn't everything Ryan. They can only amplify the magic. The real writer's magic comes from within you. You can't see it, or touch it, but it's there. You just have to, close your eyes and search for it. If you have no magic to believe in, believe in the magic inside of you. A muse can't tell you what kind of writer you are, it can only bring it out, you have to recognize it. A muse can only open the door, it is you, Ryan Stiles who has to walk through it. Sometimes that door is closed. Maybe it's bolted shot by iron fastenings of frustration and stress but---"
"Okay! We get the idea! Enough with those worn-out movie slogans!" Greg says and grips the sides of his head. Akisis falls silent.
"All right," Ryan breaths, "I'll do my best." he says and everyone gives a nod of approval to him. Ryan sighs heavily, picks up the laptop and begins typing away.
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Meanwhile with Lenalaye….
Lenalaye sits in a chair, decked out in a formal business suit. Her hair is tied up in a bun. She twirls the swivel chair with her high-heel shoes and looks expectantly towards the door. Sure enough it opens and six young guys come in.
"I've got the shampoo!" Chester holds up a bottle.
"Conditioner right here!" Mike holds up another one.
"You're gonna need a towel…" Rob holds it up.
"Not to mention some water…" Joe hauls in a hose. Phoenix and Brad take Lenalaye and spin her around a few times. Lenalaye giggles and removes the bobby pins in her hair.
"Len I urge you to get this fic done!" someone off-stage says.
"Urge? Urge….." Her hair tumbles down and the commercial begins.
"I've got the urge….." Len starts to sing.
"She's got the urge for herbal!" Chester sings and starts washing her hair.
"She'll stay in the shower for another half an hour!" Mike raps and rubs in the conditioner.
"That's not how you wash a pretty girl's hair you dumbass!" Joe shoves Mike out of the way and takes over.
"Ohhh you DJs have such strong hands…." Len swoons.
"Hey guys, smell how great the herbal scent is…" Rob says and they all lean in close and smell Len's hair.
Lenalaye…..
"Lalalallalalalalaaa……urge for herbal….." Len sings in ecstasy.
Lenalaye…..
"You know Phoenix, you should keep that facial hair off." she says.
"You don't like it, it's gone!" he says.
Lenalaye…..
"Oh, I believe I missed a spot…" Chester says and rubs the shampoo, leaning in extra close.
SLAM!
"Ah!" Lenalaye wakes with a start from her daydream. EllimistGirl stands in the door.
"Lenalaye if you're ready to talk about that battle plan…" she says.
"Goddamit! I was in the middle of the best teenage girl fantasy…" Len frowns and says.
"The Herbal Essence Commercial with Linkin Park?" she guesses. Len leans back in chair and drools.
" Oh yeah…." EllimistGirl laughs.
"Hehhehee yeah, they can wash my hair anytime. Now about those pesky rebels…" she drops a heavy file down on the desk.. Len leans forward and taps her fingertips together, narrowing her eyes.
"Yes, they just won't do…"
"The other betas and I had the idea of not just using your own brilliant energies and muse-magic, but another ingredient. A resource so large and practically infinite….." EllimistGirl says.
"Oh?" Len leans back in her chair and kicks her Dr. Martens up on the desk.
"It's really quite simple…we use characters. From every category and series we can call upon…." Len raises an eyebrow.
"Wow, that sounds like a good idea! You know all my fave shows and games and books. Add your own too," she takes her feet off of the desk.
"Too bad we don't have Linkin Park's phone number." EllimistGirl sighs. Len's eyes go droopy.
"Oh if I had Linkin Park's phone number…………..lalallalala urrrrge for herbal……" Len starts singing absently, wrapped up in her fantasy again. EllimistGirl clicks her fingers.
"Huh? Wha?" Len snaps awake.
"I'm going to get on that gathering of characters task, k?" EllimistGirl says and leaves. The door slams shut and Len turns around in her chair to face the wall. The camera turns around to get a shot of her face.
"Mwuahahhaa….this will be a battle those rebels will never forget….." she says in an evil villain's voice.
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Back with the rebels….
Ryan, Wayne, Brad, Chip, Drew, Greg, Toomin and Akisis all sit in the room.
"I've got it!" Ryan exclaims.
"Whoohoo!" Toomin cheers.
"Well upload it already!" Drew says in agitation. Ryan gets that mysterious, actor look in his eyes.
"No, not here, not now." he says.
"Why not?" Brad asks. Ryan stands up, closes the laptop and holds his head up high.
"I want to see the look on that Lenalaye's face when I institute the ending and bring her dream down into a spiraling crash. I want to see that look in her eyes when she gets that pang of guilt for having made us suffer in this god awful piece of fanfiction. I want to taste that sweet, sorely needed taste of revenge!!" Everyone just stares at him.
"Okay, whatever." Wayne says.
All of our rebel heroes emerge from the room, all in slow mo. "Start Up the Commotion" by the Wise Guys plays in the background. They continue outwards towards the set, walking in a slow, methodical, but purposeful way. Ryan leads them, a defiant look in his eyes, his laptop secured in his right arm. The camera goes to Akisis who smiles wickedly and looks forward with the same steely look as Ryan. It pans over to Greg, Drew, Toomin, Wayne and Chip who all wear similar looks of resilience. The camera goes to Brad who's picking his nose. Ryan turns and gives Brad and inexplicable look of revulsion and disbelief. Brad quickly straightens up and puts on his own rebel face. The group continues out to the set and the camera goes to their backs, as they are silhouetted in the face of bright, new stage lights. The camera turns around and gets a look of their faces. Everyone of them frozen in disbelief.
"Well, well, well if it isn't the cursed rebels. Come to spoil my fun will you? Well I'd like to introduce to my friends. My few, thousand friends…." The rebels tremble as they gaze upon the myriad of characters from assorted games, movies, TV shows and books. Link swings his sword while Neo stands solidly, his hands itching to pull out his weaponry. The entire cast of Farscape, Futurama and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy stand poised with various futuristic weapons. Harry Potter and quite of few other witches and wizards wave their wands dangerously.
Drode, Colin, Jake and David get out of their seats and wade through the pool of characters.
"Hey, hey! Watch who's feet your stepping on…" Lord Asriel glowers at Colin. The rebel cast is finally complete. Ryan pulls out his laptop, opens it and logs on. He dangles his finger above the 'enter' key.
"Accio!" Hermione says and the laptop flies out of Ryan's hands.
"So much for wining with style." he says and shrugs. Hermione hands the laptop to Lenalaye who passes her own to Air Wolf. She tosses and balances Ryan's computer, smiling smugly.
"You see Ryan, one of the virtues of a good writer is to be able to write things on the spot. Another point of ettiquet. When writing you set out the rough draft of the fic and then add the flourish! MWUahahahhaaa your collective foibles have delivered this fic into my hands! Muwhahahahaa!"
"Oh no! What are we going to do! That laugh sounded pretty evil…" Toomin comments with a trembling voice.
"Well," Akisis gulps, "I guess we'll all have to fight to the end." she says heavily.
"Yeah right! I'm so outta here!" Drode folds his hands and bonks his head, disappearing ala I Dream of Genie.
"Okay, so some of us are going to fight to the end." Akisis corrects herself.
"You're damn right! ANIMROPHS ASSEMBBBBBBLE!!!!" Jake call out in a grand voice.
POOF!
"You rang oh fearless leader?"
Marco says as he and the others appear in a cloud of purple smoke.
"Look, we have to foil this fic and do it quickly!" Jake says, pounding his hand. Ax swivels his eyes around and scans the impressive opposition.
Prince Jake, I don't want to alarm you but we could seriously be killed! he yells. He gallops forward and takes Jake's collar in his weak hands. Killed! Jake throws him off.
"Yeah Jake, I mean, I know we all miss the old days but frankly I've gotten a little too used to sitting on my ass and not doing anything." Marco says.
"Yeah, even I'm not all that interested. I mean c'mon! I'm not gonna try and kick Trinity's ass. I don't have the leather!" Rachel says.
"Look guys, we have to do this. It's the right thing to do!" Jake says, trying to evoke their empathy.
"Eh." Cassie shrugs.
"Okay, look at it like this: This is an Animorphs fic right?"
"Yeah." Tobias says.
"Well??? We've barely been in it! C'mon, you're not seriously going to let all these other characters take over our fic now are you? I think even KAA agrees!" Indeed, KAA pops out of nowhere.
"You're damn right! I may suck at endings but that doesn't mean you all have to!" she encourages. She then shuffles up to Jake.
"Ehem." She coughs and Jake sighs, pulling out a huge bag with a $ on it.
"Thank you." She says, folds her arms and bonks her head, disappearing.
"So now we have the Animorphs on our side. So what! That's seventeen of us and seventeen thousand of them! " Drew stresses.
"You forget, I'm here too!" President Bush appears out of nowhere.
"Ya! We've got the monkey man!" David cheers. Bush smiles with a little grape pie filing still left on his face.
"What can he do? I mean c'mon, the guy's bad luck! Look what happened to America!" Brad says.
"Oh get off it! He has powerful speeches. And a funny face!" Akisis says. Bush does an idiotic smile of his.
"That will most certainly confuse the enemy." Toomin deduces.
"Momo you take that faction, Air Wolf the other, Elli you take the one on the far right and I'll lead the center." She Len directs her generals.
"Okay, so we've got the combined cast, David, the Animorphs, myself , Toomin and Monkey Man." Akisis tallies. They all stare out at Lenalaye hovering demonically above her personal army of fiction.
Lenalaye raises her hand, her lips move to utter the command.
"We're toast." Says Colin.
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Hahahhaaa! Too bad to leave you hangin'. Don worry the next chapter is going to be a blowout. It'll be the crossover of the new millennium! R/R and see you there!
Also sorry to have put you through that hormone driven Herbal Essence fantasy ehheheheeeee!