Whose Line is it Anyway?: The Invasion Continues

by Lenalaye

IT'S DONE! IT'S DONE! IT'S DONE! Lenalaye has finsihed her crowning fic! Come see! Come see! There was a great explosion, now what happens? What will become of those misplaced misfits?!!! :):):):):)

12. Round 2: EllimistGirl vs Colin

          Exams are over! Exams are over! WHEEEEEHEEEEE!

          Wow, did you know this fic has taken me over a year to do? Man, seems only just yesterday I was at the Convention beginning this. Well, we'll do the rest of the battles and then finish up the ending. Sorry this has taken me so long, it was a super busy year and a super busy summer. But now, I'm having a non-trip summer so I'll be able to write more. Well, let's get this chpt under way!

Thanks for course to EllimistGirl for letting me use you here (and the idea for what I should do with you!).

I only own the idea (most of it anyway), nothing else.

          Three times the length to make up for all the time I spent on school! Have fun!

******************************************************************************************************************************************************

Round 2

EllimistGirl vs. Colin ( and Chip, Greg , Cassie)

          The four run for their lives. They bank down a corridor.

          "Cassie! Can you turn into a horse and give us all a ride?" Chip asks breathlessly. Cassie turns her head with a look of disgust on her face.

          "Who do I look like? Jennifer Lopez?" she says.

          "Wow, ever since that ending, Cassie's picked up a sarcastic sense of humor!" Gregg comments to Chip.

          "Screw the horse! We need to get off somewhere!" Colin yells out. Everyone stares at him for his choice of words. Cassie shakes her head,

          "Men…." She mutters. They have meanwhile, entered a complex of offices racing by cubicles and blue-collared workers dully copying things and writing memos. They enter a cubicle arena where there is a giant window looking out onto the studios. They stop to catch their breath as they hide behind a cubicle.

          "Oh man, if only Morpheus were here to help us!" Chip agonizes. Everyone looks at him with a cocked eyebrow.

          "Remember! In the movie, Neo is in a cubicle complex and Morpheus guides him out?" he says.

          "Oh yea! That movie kicked ass…" Greg says.

          "I can't wait for Matrix Reloaded, have you seen some of those scenes? There's supposed to be this giant car chase too, where they're jumping form car to car and doing kung fu in between!" Cassie talks excitedly.

          "Oh awesome! I've seen some clips where there are motorcycle chases and Neo's flipping upwards onto this platform…" Greg  chats.

          "Oh! And can you imagine how Jada Pinkett Smith is gonna do? She's just so phenomenal…" Chip says.

          "I'd like to see Aaliya's last role. Such a shame she died." Cassie shakes her head.

          "Yea I know, and that woman they got to play the oracle." Chip adds.

          "You know I heard they're going to have this dance sequence! With frilly little dresses. How whack is that?" Greg says.

          "Way whack." Cassie and Chip answer in unison.

          "Have you heard how they're going to release some anime films set in the Matrix universe?" Greg asks.

          "Oh wow that would be so kick ass! I mean it would just work so well…." Cassie complements.

          "When are they coming out?" Chip asks.

          "I think in a week or two. They'll release them on the web, ten in all. They might take the last one and turn that into a feature film instead of a short like the rest." Greg explains.

          "Oh that would be so boss!" Chip exclaims.

          "Where do you think they'll go with Trinity and Neo? Not to mention all the other characters they'll have to add because they killed off half the cast in the last movie."  says Cassie.

          "Yea, if there's anything I didn't like about that movie, it's that they killed off to many characters. They should at least kept Epoch and Switch. Switch was hot." says Chip.

          "Oh and that character Mouse. He was so cute!" Cassie says excitedly.

          " I saw some pics on the net where there are duplicate agents. There's this scene where Neo is gonna have to fight multiple Agent Smiths and….Colin why are you that brilliant shade of crimson?" Colin just looks on, entirely consumed with rage.

          "Why are we hear again?" Chip wonders aloud.

SMASH!
          "WE'RE GETTING THOSE REBELS IF WE HAVE TO TEAR THIS PLACE APART!!!" A voice rages.

          "Oh yea…" Chip says.

          "Canth, take a chill pill!" another voice says.

          "How did we get into this conversation in the first place?" Cassie asks.

          "Well we're in a cubicle and that reminded Chip of that scene from the first Matrix…" Greg says and motions to Chip.

          "Oh yea! And remember when he gets taken to that office and they make his mouth disappear and bug him?" Cassie begins the conversation again. Chip turns to her and replies,

          "Or that part when he touches the mirror and it's all gooey.."

          "And that part where…..Colin you're scarlet!" Greg observes.  Colin is twitching his hands and his mouth is twisted into an inexplicable grimace of anger.

          "We could get killed and all you can talk about is The Matrix???!!" he says choked with fury.

          "It was such a cool movie! Remember that part when Neo does his bending over backward to dodge the bullets---" Chip starts mimicking the special effect.

          "I'LL BEND YOU OVER BACKWARDS!!!"  Colin yells and Chip jumps out of the way. Colin is sprawled on the ground. He's about to get up  when a plume of flame shoots right above him.

          "AH AH AH! MY HAIR!!" he grabs at the wispy strands on his head.

          "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!" Cassie grabs him and the four of them dash out of the area, out of site of the camera. The cubicle wall falls to reveal a medium sized dragon with iridescent scales. Smoke curls out of his nostrils.

          "They got away! Those cursed rebels! And they forgot the Lobby Shooting Spree scene! That's the best scene in the movie!" he pouts. EllimistGirl comes up and pats him on his lowered head.

          "Awww it's all right Canth. We'll catch them, and we'll be able to analyze The Matrix together!" she says. Canth sniffles,

          "Like the part where Neo and Morpheus are hanging out of the helicopter?"

          "And even the scene where Trintiy fights the policemen." She assures.

          "AWESOME!!!" the dragon muse shouts.

          The four have exited the cubicle area and gone into some scaffolding.

          "I think we'll be safe here for now." Cassie says.

          "Well, anyone think up a plan while we were running and screaming for our lives???" Colins asks.

          "Actually I was thinking about that scene where Neo freezes the bullets," Greg puts out a hand like Neo does, " Wahhaaaaanng!" he makes a sound affect, " I am Neo, the Chosen One-ahahahaakkkk!!" Colin wraps his hands around Greg's neck.

          "If. I. Have. To. Hear. A-nother. Word. A-bout. That. Movie. I. Am G-oing. To. Kill. YOU!" Colin says as he wrings Greg's neck. Cassie meanwhile, has spotted something down below.

          "Hey! It's Shakira!"

          "No way!" Chip says. Colin lets go of Greg and lets him drop to the floor. He comes over and bending over the railing, sees the bleached  blonde chick in a tight leather outfit.

          "I wonder what she's doing here." Chip wonders  as Greg pulls himself along the ground gasping for air.

          "M-m-ay-be we can make use of-f—f it." Greg gasps. Colin rubs his chin.

          "Use Shakira? But how? I mean, all she's good for is distracting horny male teenagers and I think we drew the predominately adult female group."

          "Well, it could still come in handy. Like how could they kill us if we were friends with a celebrity?" Chip offers.

          "You just want to see Shakira up close. Admit it!" Colin accuses.

          "Admit that you have anger management problems." Chip retorts.

          "What?! I do not have anger management problems!!!" Colin yells back.

          "Are you boys coming  or what?" Cassie calls form the top of the ladder. Colin tightens his fists, then sighs in exasperation. Greg stumbles over and follows Cassie down. Chip waves a hand forward.

          "You first my liege." He says dramatically.

          "My liege…" Colin grumbles and raises a threatening hand. Chip ducks out of the way and dashes down the ladder.

          Canth the dragon follows the path of the four characters. He sniffs the ground as he walks along with EllimistGirl beside him. Following is a small group, but it's hard to mistake the very unique characters in it.  Lord Asriel comes up beside the dragon, Stelmaria the snow leopard riding on the dragon's hump. There is also a group of burly men carrying a mysterious box on two horizontal poles.  Lord Asriel turns to EllimistGirl.

          "Ah it is a fine day for social upheaval isn't it?" he remarks. EllimistGirl is about to respond when Lyra interrupts.

          "I still don't understand why they wouldn't let me bring Iorek! I mean he's the best! He'd get those jerks faster then you could say alethiometer!" she says with her arms crossed.

          "I told you, it's been an ancient law in the ABC studio handbook since time in memorium that you can't bring warrior polar bear kings into crossover fanfic battles. Just be glad we were able to sneak Will's Subtle Knife in with all that crazy security." EllimistGirl says. Will brandishes his knife.

          "Hehe."

          "Not to mention our secret weapon." she mentions in a softer voice. Lord Asriel pats his coat.

          "Yes, yes…the secret weapon." EllimistGirl sighs.

          "I was referring to the box, Lord Asriel." She says and waves a hand backwards to the burly men. Lord  Asriel frowns. Canth suddenly picks up his head.

          "They went thaddaway!" He points to the ladder with a claw.

          "Ohh I sense a battle coming on!" Lord Asriel says excitedly, then turns to Mrs. Coulter,

          "And you know how I get when a battle's coming on…" he slips a hand around her waste. The golden monkey daimon slaps it away.

          "Not now!" Mrs. Coulter scolds, then her eyes go half-lidded.

          "But later…." She strokes Lord Asriel's face.

          "All right, all right, all right break it up! Len's issued an order to keep this PG-13!" EllimistGirl reminds them.

          "It was only suggestive!" Lord Asriel defends. EllimistGirl begins down the ladder and Canth shrinks to a more practical size. One by one the characters go down, including the mysterious big box.

          "….such a tramp. Nothing like you." Chip finishes up saying. Shakira smiles and takes a swig of Pepsi from a can. Cassie rolls her eyes then hauls herself up out of her bean bag where she had sunken in while the guys chatted with Shakira.

          "And your music videos are a lot more creative. That whole diving thing at the end. Bam! So artistic…" Greg complements. Shakira smiles and takes another swig of pepsi.

          "Guys, all she's done this entire four minutes is smile and drink her pepsi! This is going no where!" Cassie whispers harshly into Greg, Colin and Chip's ears.

          "So like I was saying, you're original." Colin nods to her. Shakira smiles and takes another swig of pepsi. Cassie hangs her head and sighs in exasperation. Then she suddenly picks up her head with a brilliance in her eyes. She comes up to Shakira.

          "Say Shakira, you know I'm part gypsy? I can read palms and everything. Curious to see what glamorous future lays ahead of you?" Cassie asks. Shakira, still chugging her pepsi, nods and puts out her hand. Cassie begins tracing it with her fingers,

          "Ohhh I see Grammys for you….you'll get that thing you've always wanted….perhaps find a boyfriend, see that line there? That means you'll live long….oh and a possible movie career!" Shakira stops drinking and smiles. She opens her mouth to say something, when  Cassie suddenly brings her hand up to her face closely.

          "Whoa wait a minute! That's interesting. I'll have to meditate on it a bit." Cassie closes her eyes and concentrates as Shakira's DNA patterns flow into her system. Shakira grows tired and only takes occasional short sips from her can. Cassie lets go of Shakira's hand and the guys move  to strike up another conversation when Cassie says,

          "And it's been nice meeting you! We'll catch you later when you're on the silver screen. Bye!" Cassie grabs the guys who are struggling to get out of her grasp, and moves away. Shakira waves dully, smiles and takes another swig from her can. She drains the last drops from the can and lets out a belch any guy would be proud of. She then crushes the can against her head and tosses it away.

          "Shakira! On in five minutes!" A voice announces. Shakira straightens up, puts on a flashy smile and walks off in a dainty fashion.

          "Wow Cassie I never knew you were part gypsy!" Chip exclaims.

          "I'm not part gypsy you idiot!" she says annoyed.

          "But you just said---" Chip argues with a look of confusion on his face.

          "Hey look! I think that just might be the ABC station exit! We can go out there and call for outside help!" Colin points out.

          "All right! Time to get out of this freakin fic!" Greg cheers. He stops though and sniffs the air.

          "Hey….what smells like smoke?" he asks.

          "Maybe it's coming from a malfunctioning heater." Chip says.

          "Maybe it's coming from that ventilation system." Colin guesses.

          "Or maybe it's coming from that dragon over there." Cassie points.

          "Dragon????" They all chorus and turn to see Canth.

          "AHHHHHHHH!" They all grab each other and scream. They turn to run but are faced by the His Dark Materials characters. Lord Asriel holds an odd sort of contraption that looks a lot like a SuperSoaker.

          "This little beauty combines the static power of water and energy that comes from my daimon when she bites this strap." He displays Stelmaria,  "and that will cause a current of electricity to shoot out and give you a rather nasty shock." He explains with a wicked grin on his face.

          "Like that weapon Cipher uses in the part where he tries to kill everyone!" Chip points out. Colin's face contorts into a look of passionate ire.

          "Hey! I'm not that bad." They four turn around and Colin throws up his hands.

          " I give up!" he says helplessly. There stands the cast from the Matrix, complete with characters already killed off.

          "Ya feeling lucky today punks?" Neo taunts, his hand sliding around the hostler at his side.

          "Can you do that walking up the wall thing you did in that part where you fight Morpheus?" Chip requests.

          "No." Keanu Reeves answers coldly.

          "Just a little Jujitzu move then?" A bullet whizzes past his head.

          "You will surrender to me!" EllimistGirl commands.

          "Well what if we don't feel like it?" Greg says boldly. Another bullet whizzes by him.

          "Okay, we surrender." He says. The Matrix people put away their guns.

          "Awww but I really wanted to use this!" Lord Asriel explains.

          "It's all right honey, you can use it when Survivor returns for another season, come on." Mrs. Coulter soothes.

          "Awwww!" Lord Asriel moans but puts the gun away. The burly men set down the mysterious box and begin handcuffing the four characters. They're about to go to Greg when he says,

          "Hey! Can I pet your dragon real quick? He looks so cool!" EllimistGirl ponders.

          "I see no harm in that. Just pat him on the head." Greg moves up and Canth lowers his head. Suddenly,

          "WHOOPAH!" He performs a splendid junzuiki chop and the dragon goes down.

          "AHH!" EllimistGirl falls with him. Greg blows by and knocks the burly guards down with a spin of round-house kicks. He then grabs the keys and frees Cassie, Colin and Chip. They all begin running for their lives---again.

          "Arggh! GET THEM! THEY MUSSEN'T ESCAPE!" EllimistGirl yells out.

          "Look who's in need of the chill pill now!" Canth says.

          "Neo! Morpheus! Epoch! Cipher! Go after them!" she hurriedly points. Epoch, Neo, Morpheus and Cipher are all standing around a bleached blonde chick.

          "See you can actually sing, unlike those other copycats." Neo comments. Christina Augilera smiles and takes a swig from her Sprite can.

          "GUYS!" They all turn around.

          "Oh! Gotta run, but if you're ever interested, here's where you can reach me. So that maybe we can 'hook up' sometime. Hehhee get it? 'Hook Up?' The Matrix? Hahahhaa!" Cipher hands her a piece of paper. Christina Aguilera smiles and takes a swig of her Sprite. The Matrix cast takes off after the characters, they're gothic cloaks streaming behind them.

          "Oh no! They're gaining on us!"  Cassie stresses.

          "But we can't fight them! They can do all those neat tricks and we can't!" Chip bemoans.

          "Wait a minute, they're not good at everything! Think about it! We all have our talents. Chip, you can dance! Greg, you can blind them with your witty comments! Cassie, you can morph---"

          "And you can murder them with your bottled up rage!" Chip completes. Colin stops with a dangerous glint in his eye, his hands coming up and balling into fists.

          "Uh-uh save that for them." Cassie says and turns him around. The Matrix and  HDM characters skid to a stop. Lord Asriel powers his gun up.

          "Hehehe let's see what this baby can do!" The Matrix characters all pull out weapons. The mysterious box has also been brought along.

          "Oh you are so dead now….attack!" EllimistGirl commands. No one does anything. The Matrix characters start to move but they look reluctant.

          " What's keeping you now? Is Jessica Simpson nearby?" she says sarcastically. Epoch pulls out a CD and goes over to the wall where a CD player is. He pops the top open and places the CD in. He clicks buttons to get it to turn on.

          "Go to track 12." Trinity says.

          "No, no, no! Track 8! Track 8!" Switch endorses.

          "Go to track 5, then 7, then 8." Neo advises.

          "I can't get the damn thing to work!" Epoch shouts back. He bangs the CD player a bit. Trinity sighs, annoyed and runs her hands through her slicked hair. Morpheus and Cipher go over to help Epoch. They fiddle around with it together.

          "Well if you used a paperclip…"

          "Or a bobby pin." Epoch pats himself over for one.

          "Well I'll be damned, I'm fresh out!"

          "And no paper clips? Hmmm…this is serious…we may need to use a safety pin." Morpheus advises.

          "Don't look at me, I was dead up until this stupid fic." Cipher says.

          "Ohhh phooey!" Morpheus says and throw his hands down.  The cast gets up and begins to walk out.

          "Hey! Where are you going??!!" EllimistGirl shouts.

          "We can't do a fight scene if there's no techno music!" Switch explains.

          "Yea, can you recall a fight scene that had no techno music in it?" Epoch says.

          "Well there was that scene where Neo fights with Agent Smith in the subway system, that's just an energized orchestra." Everyone turns to look at Colin.

          "Well I did see the movie after all!" he exclaims.

          "Catch you on the flip side. Be sure to see The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions, coming in the summer and fall of 2003." Neo advertises and they all leave.

          "Dammit!" EllimistGirl punches a wall.

          "Well I guess you have to let us go now." Greg reasons. EllimistGirl turns to look at him and smiles evilly.

          "Ohhh that's what you think! I have a secret weapon you see!" she says triumphantly.

          "YEA!" Lord Asriel jumps into the middle wielding his gun.

          "No! That's not the secret weapon!" EllimistGirl says.

          "Awwwww! That's it! I'm gonna go find some reality shows to torch up!" Lord Asriel walks off with Mrs. Coulter,

          "Now, now….just think calm blue oceans, calm blue oceans, calm blue oceans…." EllimistGirl turns to Will and Lyra.

          "Well, why are you two still here?" Will and Lyra shrug, then leave . Then Lyra quickly comes back.

          "Be sure to see The Golden Compass when it comes out in theaters!" she advertises, then leaves.

          "Now you'll really have to let us go." Chip says.  EllimistGirl backpedals to her mysterious box.

          "Say hello to my secret weapon…." She lifts the lid as the four draw back in fear.

          The lid creaks open….something glows from inside….they all wait for baited breath as the lid exploded open…revealing the secret, deadly, ultimate, weapon…

          "Brittany Spears?????" Brittany Spears, the original bleached blond, no-talent chick pops out.

          "Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba baaaaa!" She does that obnoxious pepsi thing.

          "AHHHHHHHHHH!" The four shriek in unison.

          "…shout it out. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba baaaa! The Joy of Pepsiiiii!" she sings {or doesn't : )  }. 

          "Oh no, we're doomed!" Greg says and the three men shiver in their shoes.

          "Oh no we're not!" Cassie steps forward as Shakira.

          "The world's for-ever turning with the thought that's always burning…" she 'sings'. Brittany Spears looks abashed.

          "Hey! I'm the Pepsi girl around here!"

          "Whatever happened to that cute little girl Halie Eisenburg?" Chip wonders aloud.

          "Okay, you think you're so cool. You sing the talk, but do you dance the walk?" Brittany Spears said.

          "That made absolutely no sense…" Colin comments. Brittany Spears precedes to do a choreographed dance number.

          "HA!" She finishes it up with a thrust of her hips. Shakira/Cassie looks her up and down, then scoffs.

          "Learn from the master honey…" She then begins a very suggestive belly dance, rippling her stomach as only she can.

          "Wooohoo! Go Ca—I mean, Shakira!" Chip cheers.

          "Roll those abs!" Greg pumps a hand. Skaira/Cassie takes a bow.

          "Oh honey you ain't go nothin' goin' on!" Brittany Spears retorts.

          "Since when did Brittany Spears speak in ebonics?" Chip asks. Brittany Spears shifts her eyes,

          "Uhh…..um okay! Now I'm gonna my super secret weapon!" she announces.

          "AHAAAAAA!" Lord Asriel jumps in.

          "YOU'RE NOT THE SECRET WEAPON!!!" Everyone shouts at him. He screws up his face in anger.

          "Oh I am so just gonna blast all your asses!" He pushes a button and charges the contraption up. It makes a 'duuuuuuuuueeeeeeeerruuuupP!' sound and glows electric blue. He aims it at everyone.

          "Say your prayers…" he snickers evilly. Everyone gulps big. A buzzing is heard and his finger tightens on the trigger.

          "Oh I forgot my---" Cipher walks in the path of Lord Asriel's weapon.

"YAAAA!" Lord Asriel yells madly. A stream of electricity explodes out of the nozzle.

          "Not again!" Cipher whines and throws his hands down. The blast hits him full force and he's knocked backward into the scenery. Unfortunately the force the gun creates also knocks Lord Asriel backwards. As a result the air is crackling with static and both Lord Asriel and Cipher have found themselves embedded in scenery at opposite ends of the studio.

          "Well now that we've got that out of the way, it's time to pay attention to me again!" Brittany Spears yells. Everyone turns to her.

          "Okay Shakira. You think you're the Pepsi Girl? Let's take this outside!"

          "Oh all right, I'll show you!" Cassie rolls up her sleeves.

          "All right! Foxy Boxing!" Colin says happily.  Brittany Spears pulls out a pink ball.

          "Out into the space-time continuum! AHAHHAAAA!" She shrieks and slams it to the ground. A purple smoke curls out (notice how smoke is always purple in this story?) and they all begin to cough.

          "Ahh my trachea!" Chip calls out as he coughs.

          "My alveoli! They're losing elasticity!"

          "And I think my bronchioles are constricting!"

          "What the hell are you all talking about???" Colin's voice rings through the fog.

          "Didn't you ever take high school biology?"

          "Uh…."

          "Ignore him, he's not with it. Biology I mean…" Cassie says. The picture begins to swirl and twist while warped music plays.

          "Gach! Ack ack ack….what the hell…..?" Greg cough and notices his surroundings. The others stop hacking and notice too. Everything is in black and white. Cushy booths line the wall and silver stools ring a open bar. The floor is checkered tile and a large jukebox flashing in every color imaginable. Girls in poodle shirts and capries sit and share chocolate malts with crew cut, clean shaven men. In one corner though, are some slick haired goonies with leather jackets and jeans. The young man at the counter wears a pointed hat and a spotless apron.

          "Well howyadoin kids! Can I get you something?" he says cheerily.

          "Oh….my….god…!" Cassie/Shakira gasps.

          "We've been transported to the Silver Diner on Temple Hill Street! Wow ! She transported us four miles! " Greg exclaims.

          "I think she transported us more than four miles Greg…." Chip says as he looks around astonished.

          "Hey! We all look different!" Colin realizes. Sure enough, Greg's hair is slightly slicked and he's wearing a heavy leather jacket. Colin too, is sporting the same wear, except that he doesn't have much hair to slick back. Shakira/Cassie ( okay, let's knock this off. We'll refer to her as Shakira now, because she's in Shakira morph), has khaki capries, a white top with a blue sweater. Her hair is curled up and slightly shorter. Chip is…..well…

          "You look exactly the same!" Colin exclaims. Chip looks at himself.

          "Well, whaddaya know! Ain't that cool?"

          "Ba ba bababa  ba ba bababa  ba ba bababa  ba ba bababaa!" Suddenly three Preps start snapping their fingers and singing.

          "On second thought, maybe we're in Grease !"  Chip says excitedly. Suddenly, Brittany Spears comes out in center and all the other people get up from their seats. Brittany Spears is in white capries with a cute pink sweater. Her hair is permed and short.

          "Those who think young say 'Pepsie please!'" she chirps. Colin, Chip, Greg and Shakira grab each other and scream.

          "AHHHHHH WE'RE IN THAT SUPERBOWEL COMMERCIAL!! AHHHHH!!!"

          "Thaaaaat's riiiiiight!" she sings as a preppie boy picks her up and twirls her around.

          "What do we do?!!" Greg grabs his hair. Chip steps up and says in a bold, confident voice,

          "The only thing we can do: Dance!" Chip snaps his fingers and as the other lights go out, a spotlight goes to him. He clicks his fingers and points to an orchestra that has randomly appeared. Swing music drowns out the polite 50s commercial music as Chip begins snapping his fingers. Horns start to blare and he begins tapping his feet.

          " Baby, baby, it looks like it's gonna hail…." Chip begins.

          "Oh no! The Gap commercial song!" Greg covers his ears.

          "I know Greg! But it's the only way!" Colin says and puts a hand on his shoulder.

          "Baby, baby, it looks like it's gonna hail. Baby come inside let me teach you how to jive and we'll…." Chip signals the band to pause for a moment and goes to Shakira.

          "Will you jump and jive with me Shakira??" he asks and offers his hand.

          "You know it!" she says and takes it. They go to the center and Chip points to the band again.

          "Ohhh you gotta jump and jivin' then you gotta jump and jivin', then you gotta jump and jivein weeeeellll!" Chip takes Shakira and they begin to swing dance through the chorus. They pull back and come together at each other's shoulders ( it's a little hard to describe swing dancing isn't it?). Then they separate and twist will clicking their hands and tapping their feet. Shakira holds out her arm and Chip pulls her into an embrace and dips her to a side. Then he brings her up and they continue dancing to the next verse.

          "Papa's in the icebox lookin' for a can of ale. Papa's in the icebox lookin' for a can of ale. Moma's in the back learnin' how to jive and weeeelll…." Chip twirls Shakira and brings her back to him. They both bend backwards then untwirl. The chorus starts up again,

          "Ohhh you gotta jump and jivin' then you gotta jump and jivin' Ohhh you gotta jump and jivin' then you gotta jump and jivin, 'then you gotta jump and jivin weeeeellll!" Chip takes Shakira who rolls over his back and then lands on her feet. Everyone around erupts into wild applause.

          "Wow they're really good aren't they Canth? Brittany Spears had better match that!" EllimistGirl in a poodle skirt says to Canth.

          "Spppwwt!" Canth blows a raspberry.  Brittany Spears fumes.

          "Grrrr! They call that dancing!" she scoffs. She grabs a dancing boy nearby.

          "You! Do what he's doing!" she orders. His face contorts into a look of terror.

          "But I don't know how to daaaaaaaaance!" Brittany Spears grabs him and they go into the spotlight. The horn and trombones play in the background. The third verse then starts up.

          "A woman is a woman and man ain't nothin' but a male." Chip and Shakira do the twirl thing again. Brittany Spears looks at the boy who then quickly takes her and tries to imitate Chip. He grabs Brittany Spears roughly and tries to turn her but Brittany Spears slips and as he tries to pull her in, they both fall to the ground.

" A woman is a woman and a man ain't nothin' but a male." Chip and Shakira, hands held together pull apart then come together, with their hands forming a  pointed bridge over their heads, their faces inches away from each other. The boy and Brittany Spears try to do the same but every time they come together, they bump heads.

"Ow! Watch it you clutz!" she squawks.

"Sorry, sorry!" the boy apologizes.

 "One good thing about him, he knows how to jive and weeeellll…" They do the back flip thing again. Brittany Spears rolls onto the boy's back and he buckles under her wait and they collapse to the ground.

"You idiot!" she shouts.

"My spine…" the boy groans. The drums build up to a tempo as the horns stay silent. Chip and Shakira continue to swing dance.

"You ready?" Chip asks.

"Anytime you are." Shakira answers. Chip grabs her hands and then pulls her underneath him. Suddenly he pulls her back up, tosses her high up and catches her by the waist. They spin around as Shakira holds her arms up high.

"WHOOOOHOOOO!" the crowd screams their approval. The boy, practically crying, takes Brittany and pulls her under, then brings her up, tosses her and as she's coming down, he catches her, but Brittany's momentum carries them out of the stage and they crash into the garbage cans. The band finishes up and Shakira and Chip take a boy. Roses are thrown onto the floor.

"Thank you, thank you!" Chip says as he blows kisses. Brittany gets up, disheveled and pissed and steps into the circle.

"You may have won in this decade but let's see how you do in the 60s!!!" She pulls out a purple ball this time and smashes it into the ground.

"Not again!" Colin says as he coughs on the purple smoke. The picture swirls and twists as more warped music plays.

The smoke clears and the four wake up to find themselves in a desert. There are beach towels  and junky RVs and Beetles parked everywhere. Guys with long hair and shaded glasses hold girls with head bands and beads around their necks.  Everyone has bell bottoms.

"Dear god! It's the sixties!" Shakira shouts.

"Maybe we can save  Martin Luther King Jr. from getting shot!" Chip realizes with a gasp.

"Or JFK while we're at it." Greg adds. Brittany Spears steps up again, this time in hippie attire. Of course, all our friends are as well.  Colin feels his head.

"I HAVE HAIR!!!!!" he shouts happily. Greg's hair too, is long and he has blue shades. Chip wears a brown coat with tassels, his hair a bit on the messy side.

"Duuuuude…" he says.

"Well let's get this psychadelic fight to maximum grooooovey power!" She is about to start when suddenly.

"Whooooooah wait a minute there chick!" a group of people intrude on the match.

"Like, you can't fight with people! That's wrong." A hippie guy says.

"It's like baaaaaaad karma you know?" a girl adds.

"I wasn't gonna physically attack them! I was just going to give them the musical beat down of their lives!" she spits at them.

"No beat downs! Duuuuude that's like, sooooo uncool." A young boy in a jacket similar to Chip's says.

"Yea, that makes you a square." A guy races an imaginary square in the air. He continues doing so and begins watching his hands intently.

"Whooooooa, my hand's they're like HUGE! They can touch everything but themselves…" he moves his hands high up and then puts them together.

"Oh wait, they do touch." He realizes. Brittany Spears shoves him out of the way.

"Hey! Get the nark!" a girl screams.

"Nark? Where's the nark?!" someone in the background yells.

"That chick over there!" someone points to Brittany.

"Let's stop her with our love and disregard for established society!" a guy says.

"Kill her with kindness!" the call leads the charge against Brittany Spears.

"Ahhhhh!" she ducks and covers herself as they mob her and throw flowers at her.

"Hey, hey Brittany Spears, quit praying on those helpless queers! Hey Hey Brittany Spears, quit praying on those helpless queers!" they chant the modified protest call.

"Queers! I detest to that!" Colin says.

"Who cares, they're dealing with her for us!" Chip  says. A hippie pulls out a marker and draws peace signs and happy faces all over Brittany's face.

"Say chickie baby, wanna take a ride on the fantastic side with the Gregmeister?" Greg tries to pick up a hippie girl.

"Greg! You can't try to get a date! We're on a mission to defeat a super-powerful fanfiction writer and right now we have to survive a deadly trip through the decades or all of Whoseline? will be doomed!"

"Heavy man." The girl comments. EllimistGirl and Canth stand off to the side.

"Why can't all those hippies be stoned? She'd better find a way to blow them off!" she fumes. A few hippies notice Canth.

"Puff the magic draaagon, lived by the sea, and frolicked in the autumn mist in the land of Honnaleee…." They sing.

"Spppwwt!" Canth blows a raspberry at them.

"Arrgh!" Brittany throw all the hippies off her and pulls out a blue ball.

"I'm going where stoned notions of peace and psychadleic love can't get me!" she throws it to the ground and of course, the smoke comes out.

"Geez! I'm gonna have to see my doctor after this! Acchkk!" Chip coughs as the smoke swarms them.

Duuuuweeeeeouuuuuuduuuweeeeeeowwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaa! The music plays as the group finds themselves on a beach. Waves crash on a wind sandy beach. Everyone is in a bathing suit.

"Well, here are the 70s….I think." Colin says as he looks around.

"Too bad I never watched That 70s Show." Greg says and frowns.

"Which 70s show? The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson?" Chip asks. They all just stare at him. All of our characters are in swim suits, the guys with slightly shaggy hair. Shakira is in a one piece suit, stripped green and white.

"And now for the Surf Competition!" an announcer says.

"Surf competition?" Chip echoes. Brittany Spears stands on the beach, in a pink one-piece suit and a pink surfboard.

"Looks like one of us needs to compete with her." Greg says and turns to everyone else, " who knows how to surf around here?"

"Wellll….." Chip drifts.

"I uh……ya know…." Shakira rubs the back of her neck.

"Umm….well  I did…." Everyone turns to Colin.

"Just a little bit!" he quickly says.

"Well get in there suferboy!" Greg grabs him and shoves him beside Brittany Spears.

"But I need a board!" he yells back. Suddenly,  one is thrown and hits him on the head. He collapses to the ground, coughs, then gets back up.

"Prepared to be wiped out!" Brittany taunts.

"And on the count of 1…2….3…go!" The announcer says. Brittany and Colin hit the waves. The surfing music comes on as they balance on their boards. The water ahead of them curls up and they surf the interior.

"Ahhhhhh! This is soooo nuutts!" Colin screams and ducks his head.

"Ahahahaa!" Brittany cackles as she does it standing on her head---literally.

"You're so dead Colin!" she taunts.

"Ahhhhh!" Colin clings to his board for dear life. He survives the first wave and they go onto the next one which is even bigger. Brittany and Colin enter it, twirling upside down again and again as they ride it.

"Aaaaahhhaaaaahhaaahhaaaaahaaaaaaa!" he screams as he spins inside of it. Brittany Spears is filing her nail and yawning as she rides the wave.  EllimistGirl and Canth ride by on a surfboard.

"Great job Brittany! You'd better keep that up!" she says as she passes.

 "Spppwwt!" Canth blows a raspberry at Colin. He dips into the water and comes up coughing. Colin gets a mouth full of sea water and he yanks a starfish off his face.  The third, ultimate, giant wave comes up.

"The 70s….the 70s…what the hell happened in the 70s…?" he wonders. As Brittany approaches the wave, a giant Great White Shark breaks the surface and comps her board.

"AHHHHH!" she shrieks and falls off.

"Oh yea! Jaws came out!" he exclaims. Brittany Spears drowns in the water while the shark circles her. She pulls out a red ball.

"The 80s will save me!" she throws it at the shark and as it hits it, the smoke comes out. Colin falls off his board and gags on the smoke, until he suddenly hits a hardwood floor.

"Play that funkie music whiiiite boy!" the music goes on around him. Colin stands up and finds himself in a white disco suit and a gold chain dangling off him. A glitter ball turns overhead in the dark dance room. He puts out a hand up with his other one on his hip and begins to bring the first hand up and down.

"All right! I can do this again without anyone looking at me weird!"

"Colin?" Shakira moves through the crowd and approaches him. She's in a black dress and her hair is teased high on her head. She's wearing pumps. Chip and Greg follow behind her. Greg is looking much like Colin except he has platform shoes. Chip looks extremely different. He has a black leather jacket ringed with studs and his hair is a red mohawk. He has spike bracelets around his wrists.

"Chip??? How come you're not in 80s gear?" Shakira asks.

"I am! I'm an 80s punk rocker!" he says and runs a hand through his  red spikes.

"Well Colin having fun?" Greg asks as Colin and he disco dance.

"You know it! Man this feels good!" he says.

"We will now open up the floor for all you funky freaks to dance the night away!" A voice over a speaker announces. The crowd clears up and Brittany Spears stands center.

"Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba baaaa! The joy of Pepsiiiii!" She sings the song with an 80s funky twist to it. Colin jumps in and the  theme song from Night at the Roxberry starts up. He starts doing the disco pointer thing energetically and people cheer from the outside. He spins and shakes his hips.

"Ohhh turn it up!" Brittany Spears turns to the boom box and turns up the volume. The floor starts to wobble with the noise. Colin bends over backwards.

"Ahhh I need help!" he cries out. Greg jumps in  and suddenly, the song thing from Pulp Fiction starts up.  Greg takes his fingers and does the eye thing (taking his fingers, making a peace sign, turning it sideways and running that across his eyes) . Colin starts doing the same and the ground shakes even more.

"You are such a rip off!" Brittany Spears says. She turns up her song and continues grooving her way. Six people in the crowd join her in a choreographed disco dance. The dance studio is vibrating with noise!

"Colin we're losing ground!" Greg says as they do their Pulp Fiction dance. Suddenly, Shakira joins them, with a boom box blaring the song 'Stayin' Alive'.

"Oh yea! Black soul sister!" Shakira shouts.

"Ah ah ah ah staying alive, staying alive! Ah ah ah ah staying aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!" Colin and Greg join her putting their  one hand on their hips and shuffling their feet, while with their other hand doing the disco pointer thing. The three characters all do this in their own choreographed dance. The walls are beginning to convulse.

"Grrrrrr!" Brittany Spears cranks the volume up even louder. The roof is pulsating! Six more dancers join Brittany Spears.

"Ah! We can't fight it back! We're doomed!" Greg says.

"AHHHHHH!" Chip crashes the scene with his own boom box, spewing screaming punk-rock ska. He begins screaming unintelligently and shock-waves start to ripple throughout the room. 

"Ohhhhhh!" Brittany Spears buckles under the pressure. All the characters' music is too much!

"Canth I think the dance room is about to explode!!!" EllimistGirl shouts.

"Spppwwt!" Canth blows a raspberry anyway.

KABOOOOOM!!!

The picture swirls again but this time there's no smoke.

          "Ack ack ack…hey the smoke's gone!" Chip says. Then he and the others realize where they are.

          "Hey! We're back in the ABC station! In the 2000s!" Shakira cries out happily. Everyone is back in normal attire.

          "Wait! What about the 90s?" Greg asks.

          "Do you really want to go through another decade???" Colin asks. Brittany Spears is fuming.

          "Grrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaahhhh!!" She jumps on Shakira and they begin fist fighting.

          "You call that a punch, Hah!" Shakira  socks Brittany Spears in the stomach.

          "OW!" she pulls back her fist and shakes it in pain.

          "I do a hundred sit-ups everyday!" Brittany Spears boasts. Shakira delivers an uppercut and kicks Brittany Spears off her. She goes after her and Brittany Spears jumps to her feet. They go at it with fierce intensity.

          "Wow, so we did get to see Foxy Boxing after all!" Colin says.

          "Well who's gonna stop this now???" Greg wonders.

          "I dunno….Mandy Moore?" Chip guesses. EllimistGirl sighs in exasperation.

          "Oohh I just don't get this! How does Lenalaye keep control of her characters when she has them for more than five minutes???" she groans.

Brittany Spears slams Shakira  over the head.

          "Owwhwhhhh…." Shakira falls to the ground and moans.  Brittany Spears gets read to deliver a WWF style pile drive when suddenly,

          "That's not Brittany Spears! It's a man baby!" Austin Powers comes charging in and intercepts Brittany Spears. They tumble to the ground.

          "Austin it's me!" Brittany Spears squawks. Austin begins tugging at her haphazard hair.

          "Why. Won't. This. Wig. Come. Off?!" He says as he yanks at it.

          "Uh…Austin, I don't think…" Chip begins saying until Austin Powers gives one big tug and

SHRRRWUUMPH!
          The mask slides off. And it's revealed to be…

          "Oh my god it is a man!" Shakira exclaims.

          "Not just any man, that's Carson Daly!" Greg points out. Sure enough, Carson Daly, the host of MTV's TRL, is in a woman suit and looking very flushed.

          "See, I know a woman when I see one!" Austin Powers gloats.

          "Uhhh You know, I don't think I want an explanation for this…" EllimistGirl says.

          "Good! Cuz I don't wanna give one!" Carson Daly springs to his feet and runs like the wind.

          "Another grooooovey move by the Shagadelic Spy! Yea baby yea!" he cheers and then approaches Shakira.

          "You don't have to thank me, really." He says, his eyebrows raised in suggestion.

          "Cassie! How long have you been in that morph?" Greg suddenly exclaims.

          "Oh you're right Greg! I'd better change back!" Cassie emerges from Shakira's form and shakes her head vigorously.

          "Wow, that was really somethin'."

          "You've really got soul Cassie. I'll see you all at the finale!" Austin Powers says and walks off.

          "Groovy man!" Colin puts up his two fingers in a peace sign.

          "And be sure to see Austin Powers 3 : Goldmember this summer!" he advertises.

          "Geez! What's with all the movie plugs?" Greg asks.

          "I don't know," Chip says and then turns to EllimistGirl, "You ready to surrender now ?" EllimistGirl sighs and puts out her hands.

          "Cuff me, I'm done with all this. You're streak of incredible dumb luck has beaten me."
          "All right, let's go." Greg holds her captive and they take her and her muse Canth to the ABC lobby.

          "Do you have any threes?" Marco asks. Bush grins.

          "Go fish!" he says. Marco shakes his head.

          "No see, you don't know how to play this game. Look, you have several threes." Marco says as he points out Bush's cards to him.

          "Go fish!" he still says. Wayne and Rachel sigh. Drew lounges on a couch reading a magazine. Momo Claus with her terrier muse are still  swirling in the snow globe. The second army of characters comes in.

          "Chip!" Wayne spots him and runs up to greet him.

          "Oh you missed the coolest thing Wayne!" Chip goes on to tell him what happened.

          "Wow, wish I could have been there. However I did get to see Rachel in a cocktail dress."

          "Oh really?" Chip says astonished. Marco snaps his head towards him,

          "Huh? When was Rachel in a cocktail dress?" Marco wonders.

          "Nevermind." Rachel says and pulls his head away from the guys.

          "Well, we've got another general for you to put in." Greg says and goes over to the snow globe.

          "And a dragon muse to go along with her." Colin leads Canth on a leash.

          "All right, let's put'em in!" Drew opens up the door, shoving Canth  and EllimistGirl inside.

          "Heya Elli! Hi Canth. Lost too?" Momo Claus greets them.

          "Yea…who'd thought fighting against four stupid characters when you have all the resources of fanfiction was so hard?" Elli says as she floats amongst sparkle stars and white snow flakes. The people on the outside smile and then turn away. Momo and Elli exchange a serious look and go up to the glass surface. They press their mouths on the glass and begin singing.

          "I love fishes cuz they're so delicious! Gonna gold fishing! I could eat them everyday, and my mom says that's okay. Gonna gold fishing!" they chorus. Chip giggles.

          "That's so cute! We should sell them to a zoo." He comments.

          "Or put them on Lettermen's Stupid Pet Trick Segment." Greg advises. They all laugh except Marco who raises an eyebrow.

          "Strange…" he observes as the two keep singing.

          "Would you like to Play Go Fish?" President Bush offers.

          "Well I dunno if Marco, Rachel and Wayne are having such a good time----" Chip says.

          "No! It's really okay. You can take over." Rachel tosses her cards. Chip, Greg and Cassie shrug and so take their places.

          "Do you have any sevens?" Greg asks. Bush smiles.

          "Go fish!"

          "Gonna gold fishing! I could eat them everyday and my mom says that's okay. Gonna gold fishing! Gonna gold fishing! Gonna gold fishing…"

*************************************************************

          Now they're both singing! Sorry, it's just such a cool song.  Wow, that was almost three times as long as the last chpt! With all the creativity I had to pent up during exams, it just all flowed out in this chpt. Thanks! R/R the end is near! Fight the future!

          I know I probably screwed up terminology ,dress and a bunch of other things between the decades. I had to guess from what I've seen on TV which decade was what. I may have tweaked a few things but I was eager to right this. You got the idea after all, right?

Have a nice day J

          BOB DOLE!!! For pepsi commercial!