*************************************************************
Lenalaye vs. Akisis ( Plus, Ryan, Ax, Tobias)
Akisis and the others sit in an office they managed to sneak into. Ax sits in a chair munching on a Mars bar as Tobias twiddles his thumbs. Ryan rests on the edge of the desk, arms crossed and downcast.
" I don't have my laptop, this whole thing is doomed!" he declares.
"Well what do we do? If only Christopher had survived to give us the magic scented candles, then maybe it would have solved this!" Akisis yanks at her hair.
"And if I had been able to write a stupid connecting piece." Ryan mutters.
"So what do we do-ooo?" Ax asks.
"Why is someone always asking that question in this fic?" Ryan wonders.
"Well…wait a minute. In addition to not having a laptop, Ryan's suffering because he doesn't have his muse. He can't write or do anything, he's helpless! Defenseless, incapable, hindered, powerless, invalid, impotent…"
"We get the idea Tobias!" Akisis shouts.
"And where do you get at calling me impotent?" Ryan asks angrily.
"Sorry it was in my Thesaurus." Tobias holds up a yellow book.
"Anyway, what were you saying?" says Akisis.
"Oh yea! What I was saying is, that if Lenalaye didn't have her muse, she'd be the same way!"
"In need of diapers? Errs…?" Ax mouths out the sounds.
"Ewww Ax! We don't mean it that way! What Tobias is saying is that without Odrin, Len's as weak as Ryan here! That with the loss of her candles will slow her down until Ryan can retrieve the laptop, write a connecting piece and end the story!" Akisis says excitedly.
"So how do you propose doing that? She's got an entire army!" Ryan exclaims.
"Yessss…but her other-er-er armies have been defeated-ed-ed-ed, ted. She is weakened already. Removing this muuuuse of hers would be a final, crippling, debilitating, incapacitating, enfeebling, injuring---"
"Tobias, take that Thesaurus away!" Akisis orders. Tobias sighs and grabs the book out of Ax's hands.
"Blow. It might also be wise to gather the others from the ABC lobby, I think it's lobby C. Eeeeeee Ceeeeeeeeee. They could give us extra firepower and possibly help us end the fic." Ax finishes talking.
"Hmmm… not to mention, as Len's muse, she might have entrusted Ryan's laptop to him….but how to kidnap a muse…how to go about it?" Akisis starts wandering around the room.
POOF!!!
"AHHHHH!"
CRASH!
"UGAMAFOO!" a lemur jumps away from the ruined desk and bounds away. KAA untangles herself from Ax and Tobias. The smoke clears.
"What the ___!" Ryan shouts a censored profanity.
"What's going on?!!" Akisis asks.
" Ax? Tobais?…" he looks at Ax and Tobias crawling out of the desk, coughing and dusting themselves off. KAA leaps up and looks around.
"Where'd he go?!!" she asks hurriedly.
"Where did who go?" Tobias asks.
"Eehehheheee…." The dust settles and the ring-tailed lemur from Madagascar stands on the sill, grinning broadly.
"You little jerk! I'll get you yet!" KAA shakes a fist at him.
"Ugami dublamanast! Koooooookoooooooreeeeeee!" he blows a raspberry after this garbled taunt and speeds away, cartoon style.
"Grrrrrr!" KAA seethes, then turns around to the others,
"That stupid little lemur led me through a wild chase in my mansion! I was trying to catch him and sell him back to the crazy bonsai man who sold me my Sereasa Snow-Rose tree. The damn bugger came with it and ever since has been wrecking havoc!"
"How would a four foot lemur hide in a bonsai tree?" Ryan wonders.
"And why? Lemurs live in Africa, not Japan!" Tobias adds.
"He was a little disoriented and got the wrong island." KAA explains, then sighs,
"And now I'm right back here!"
"Wait! Maybe you could help us, Lenalaye still isn't finished!"
"What? After four flippin' chpts?! Geez is anyone even reading this anymore?"
"No, not really. Eeeeeee! Except like threeeee peeooooople." Ax answers.
"Anyway, do you know how we should go about kidnapping a muse? We figured that was our best point of attack." Ryan explains.
"Hmmmm…." KAA rubs her chin. She watches as Ax licks his fingers, brown from the melted chocolate. KAA snaps her fingers.
"That just might do the trick!" She brings them all together and they discuss things. They argue a bit, but they at least have the beginning part of the plan.
"All right KAA, we're depending on you! Don't let us down like you did before with that terrible ending!" Akisis says as they break up the huddle.
"Ohhh it's been a year by now! Get off it!" she says as she arms herself with spare change and disappears down the corridor.
Meanwhile…in the lobby….
Even though his master sent him along with every other character on a massive search of the ABC station for the remaining group, Odrin knew he couldn't do anything on an empty stomach. So he stopped by the candy machine.
Odrin taps his foot anxiously as he stands before a candy machine. He mutters to himself, tapping his wand experimentally here and there. He presses his face against the glass and drools over the candy inside. A few wayward wand shots and laser shots from some battle outside narrowly miss him as he calculates a way to get some treats.
Odrin turns out his pockets for the umpteenth time and pouts.
"Ohhhh it's not fair! I want some candy!" he whines.
"Need change little guy?" KAA strolls in. Odrin turns and looks at her suspiciously, but then he realizes that he doesn't' recognize her, so puts on a cute face. He grinds his curly toe shoe into the ground and looks bashful.
"Um…yes nice lady, ma'am. I would weally like some chochylate. But my mommy forgots to givie me change." he does his best impression of a five-year old. KAA smiles and puts in the necessary amount. Odrin hops up and down happily.
"B-45! B-45! B-45! Isa wants a milky way!" he babbles in child dialect. KAA types it in and the coil spring uncurls to drop the little candy bar into the bin. Odrin's greedy little hands dive for the candy but KAA's are faster. Odrin looks at her in stark anger.
"Give it to me." he says, dropping the kid act.
"Not until you sing me a little song." She conditions. A hazy, red aura begins to form around Odrin. He presses forward,
"I said give it to me." KAA steps back.
"Awww what, you don't like to sing?" she begins to turn towards the door. Odrin zips into the air, wand held high.
"GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!!!"
"Catch me if you can, I'm the milky way wo-man!" she taunts as she breaks into a run.
"GAAAARRRR!!!" Odrin takes off in furious flight. KAA races down the corridor, dangling the milky way bar behind her.
"C'mon slowpoke! You're no fun!"
"Fun-less like a fox!" Odrin yells unintelligibly. KAA banks down one way and Odrin zips after her.
"Just think about it! Creamy chocolate, tasty caramel and chewy nugget! All blended together in one bar!"
"GIVE IT TO ME!!!!" Odrin yells and saliva flicks out of his mouth.
"Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow---C'mon Odrin! Sing with me!-- Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier, do your ears hang low!" she sings as she sprints.
"I'LL HANG YOUR EARS LOW!" he bellows. KAA is running top speed and having the time of her life. She suddenly clutches her side.
"Ohhh I'm getting a stitch! Better end this now," she turns around and sees Odrin racing like a blur behind her.
"You really want it?" she asks, keeping pace,
"YES!!" he yells back.
"Okay." KAA lets go of the milky way as she banks left, Odrin blasts to get the candy bar.
"Haha!" he says with the candy in hand, but then sees the wall speeding towards him.
"Mommy…" he squeaks and bashes into the wall.
BAM!
He slides down it and falls to the ground. KAA returns to check on him. A sugar lump rises out of his head as little birdies dances around in a circle about him. His tongue lolls out. KAA pulls twine out of her pocket and ties him up, sticking the candy bar in his mouth.
" Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow…." She hums the rest of the tune as she begins hauling him away. As she draws Odrin behind her, the lemur winks at the camera and hops into Odrin's pocket, snickering.
Ax and Tobias run into Lobby C of the ABC station.
"Guys! We need all of you now to help us finish the fic!" Tobias announces.
"What's the state of affairs?" Jake asks.
"Well, right now, KAA is in the process of kidnapping Odrin, Lenalaye's muse, and we----"
"What?! You left things up to KAA? You might as well have sent Benedict Arnold! She's gonna screw us up!" Rachel rants. Cassie puts her hand on her friend's shoulder.
"Rachel, you have to give her a chance, after all, she is sorta our mother. Do what I do and remember the good times! Like when she took us all to that lou-ow in Hawaii or when she invited us all to her house for dinner. Not to mention, pay for all your Armani Exchange wardrobe! She's a kind soul who went astray, just give her another chance."
"Wow Cassie, that's the most sensitive thing you've said this entire fic!" Wayne exclaims.
" Bite me!" she snaps.
"Fair enough…" Wayne sighs.
"Anyway, Ryan's laptop might or might not be with Odrin, so we might need all of you to go into the fight and steal it back." Tobias says.
"And we might all need to pitch in, to write the connective piece for Ryan." Ax adds.
"All right we'll do so. Get the snow globe, we might be able to interrogate those three to find out where Ryan's computer is." Drew orders. Marco morphs gorilla, Rachel grizzly and Colin, Brad, Greg and David all help to carry the massive snow globe. They lead the procession of characters on their way to the final stronghold.
Odrin opens his eyes to see the picture spinning around him. He gives his head a shake and sees the bright light in front of him.
"Mhpphh!" he tries to speak, but his speech is impeded by creamy chocolate, tasty caramel and chewy nugget. He squints painfully at the light.
"My daddy taught me how to do this." Bush grins happily.
"All right Odrin….you know what we want so why don't you just make this easier on yourself and tell us where the laptop is." Marco interrogates.
"Mphhff!" He cries out in alarm.
"He's not talking, negotiations have failed! Bring in the TV!" Toomin shouts. Chip and Jake wheel in a TV.
"Home is a place in your heart!…." the Carebears movie is playing.
"MMMMMMMMMPHHHHHHHFF!!!" Odrin screams.
"Now tell us! Where's the laptop?!!" Drew shoves the TV in his face. Odrin begins crying. They have him watch five minutes of the movie and he's reduced to screaming hysterics.
"Maybe we should try the generals now." Greg suggests. They take the TV and aim it at the captured generals still imprisoned in the snow globe.
"AHHHHHH!" They all scream with bubbles.
"What did Lenalaye do with Ryan's laptop and what is she planning to do?" David shouts.
"AHHHHHH!" they scream in horror as they watch cuddly little bears and animals play in clouds and rainbow walkways.
"Okay, take it away…." Tobias waves away the TV. The three generals start to recover.
"Someone gouge out my eyes!" Air Wolf yells and scratches her face frantically.
"Tell us what you know!" Colin demands.
"We don't know anything! She hid the laptop in her cloak and then started ordering us into our groups to go after you!" Momo spills.
"Yea, then it was all chaos and we didn't see what she did with it afterwards!" EllimistGirl adds.
"That's not a good enough answer! Fellas! The TV!" Akisis orders. The TV is wheeled back in front of them.
"Oh no! The Caring Meter has dropped two whole points! If it gets down to zero, it will be the end of Carealot!" a green bear says.
"AHHHHHHH! YOU'RE INHUMAN!!!" Momo screams.
"Don't think we don't have the second one on tape too!" Brad holds up a colorful tape box entitled Carebears II: The Next Generation.
"All right! All right! We have dirt on Len!" Air Wolf confesses.
"Air Wolf! You can't tell them what you're about to tell them!" Ellimistgirl calls out.
"Like hell I won't! I am not watching fuzzy little bears preaching about sharing feelings one minute longer! I know Lenalaye's deepest desire!" she confesses. Everyone gasps and there is a brief silence.
"And that is….????" Marco trails.
"She wants to be a singer! All her life she's tried to sing and wishes she could be onstage performing in front of people!" she spills.
"What? I thought she wanted to be a writer, you lie!" Toomin accuses.
"That too, but she really does want to sing!" Momo jumps in.
"That can't be true! Her fantasy is to see Linkin Park!" Brad adds.
"She already did, back in February. During this fic and she even met the guys!" Elli says.
"Hmmmm….and you swear you know nothing else?" Jake asks. They all nod vigorously.
"Perhaps we can use that to our advantage somehow…" Chip says and rubs his chin.
"Back to Odrin…" Greg takes the TV away and shoves it at Odrin.
"Tell us where the laptop is!"
"Forest of Feelings, Carealot and Earth are all the same…." A lion, a monkey, two kids and two bears dance around a tree.
"MMMPHFFF!" Odrin writhes and whines.
"Wow, I mean, if he can take the Carebears, then I don't think we'll ever break him!" David says.
"Um…did it occur to any of you, that he might be trying to tell us our answer, but can't say it because he has a milky way shoved in his mouth???" Cassie points out.
"Huh? Well that just might be it!" Bush yanks the sticky bar out of the fairy's mouth and Odrin gasps for breath.
"In my left pocket! It's in my left pocket oh for crying out loud it's in my left pocket!!!!" he collapses into a shameless sob . Akisis goes into his left pocket, and sure enough, pulls out Ryan's laptop. A mighty cheer raises up.
"Heheheheheee!" but the lemur is at the end of the laptop and yanks it out of Akisis' hands. He jumps away and onto a shelf high above the room.
"Seeeeesiiiooo huggjak na manta le sumath a threebatoo!" he shouts triumphantly.
"Edbawou gensaki na na tubloto…." He then says in a low tone.
"Huh????" everyone says. The lemur sighs.
"Fine, I'll talk in English, uncultured swine…" he mutterers, then holds up the laptop, " I have a proposition for you." he announces.
"What do you want?" Ryan asks as he steps forward. The lemur grins.
" My name is Kizitara and I'm no regular lemur. I'm a spirit from the astral plane of existence and I must say I have taken a rather liking to this story." He says.
"I see, well, if you like it so much, why don't you give us the laptop so that we can finish it properly?" Ryan asks.
"Well you see therein lies the problem," Kizitara sits down and taps the laptop with his long fingers,
"I don't think I want this fic to end just yet." There is a resounding groan.
"But it's gone on for more than a year…." KAA moans.
"I know, I know and she didn't update regularly, blame him." Kizitara points to Odrin. Odrin then looks up , sees Kizitara and gasps.
"Kizitara! What are you doing here???" he asks , somewhat afraid. Kizitara chuckles.
"Ah Odrin my friend, you think I would have stayed out of this aspect of Lenalaye's life for long? Me? Her spirit guide?"
"Spirit guide?" Ryan repeats.
"Is there an echo in here? Yes! Spirit guide!" he says.
"You mentioned a proposition…" Ryan reminds him.
"Ah yes you're right Ryan! Like I said, I'm not sure I'm ready for this fic to end. Yet, I started thinking to myself," Kizitara puts down the laptop and begins pacing,
"I know you wouldn't agree to an extension of this fic by any measure. You're all tired and sick of this story, but I didn't want it to just end on its own. I want it to end the way I like it…" he turns to them.
"And what's that like?" Ryan asks. Kizitara stops and picks up the laptop, ready to toss it.
"Ryan, I will give you back this laptop on one condition." He says firmly.
"What?" Ryan replies in kind. Kizitara tosses the computer into Ryan's hands.
"You must work the band Hoobastank into this chpt. If you don't, or you have done so poorly, then I will go back in time, snatch the laptop and throw it into a black hole. That way, this fic will never end! Mwuahahhaaa!" the lemur cackles.
"How do you expect us to do that? I mean, we don't know where Hoobastank is!" Rachel shouts. Kizitara begins to fade out in a wisp of smoke,
"I will make them appear in the lobby. How you use them, and how successful you are, is up to you…." the last of the lemur vanishes and the others begin to grumble.
"Well I guess we have our work cut out for us." Greg says.
"Wait a minute! Lenalaye's desire is to sing onstage, and we're being given Hoobastank…we could put the two and two together!" Drew says excitedly.
"Excellent idea Drew! To the lobby!" Akisis cries out and they race out of the room in a cheer.
Meanwhile…in the ABC lobby…..
The members of Hoobastank sit around, having randomly appeared in the blue chairs.
"Wow, it's so strange. One minute we're driving and the next we're in some TV station lobby!" Dan, the guitarist comments.
"Do you think we drove into the Bermuda Triangle or something?" Chris, the drummer wonders.
"What? That's off the coast of Florida! We were in Manhattan last time I checked!" Markku, the bassist exclaims.
"Wait. Maybe if we click out heels together three times and say 'There's no place like the tour bus', we'll go back home!" Doug the lead singer says.
"Yea Doug, you do that." Dan snickers. Doug gets up and starts clicking his heels together.
"There's no place like the tour bus, there's no place like the tour bus, there's no place like the tour bus…." He opens one eye and looks around.
"Damn!" all the others laugh at him.
"Maybe it's all because of that gibberish-speaking lemur I saw." Markku mentions.
"Gibberish-speaking lemur? Oh no don't tell us you're on weed…." Chris bemoans.
"Besides, lemurs live in Madagascar, not in Manhattan!" Dan says.
"Maybe he was disoriented and got the wrong island." Markku defends. Suddenly the ground starts to shake.
"Hahaha! See, it's working! It's working!" Doug points enthusiastically and starts to dance a jig. Then it stops.
"Ohh…." Dough mopes. The caravan of characters has stopped.
"Who are you?" Markku asks Akisis and Ryan who lead the mass of characters.
"Wow, I've never seen so many characters, I would stop reading a fic if there were so many." Dan comments.
"Do you think that's why so many people have dropped off this thing?" Ryan asks Akisis.
"What? You're nuts, I mean, I know who we all are. There's you Ryan, and all the other Whoseline cast, plus the Animorphs and just adding Toomin from the Ellimist Chronicles, David from Everworld, KAA and President Bush, why should that be so complicated???" Akisis reasons.
"Um….what are you doing here?" Chris asks.
"Do you know a gibberish-speaking lemur???" Markku blurts out.
"Kizitara?" Jake asks.
"Huh?" Hoobastank says.
"Huh?" Jake echoes.
"What?" Hoobastank wonders.
"What?" Jake repeats.
"Who?" Hoobastank inquires
"Who?" Jake also says puzzled.
"Shut up both of you!" Rachel silences them.
"Okay, I'm scared of you chic." Dan says. Rachel's eyes practically glow and Dan leaps behind his chair.
"Actually, we need your help." Toomin steps up and says.
"Whoa what the hell are you? You're like some warped angel." Doug says.
*Gasp!* "Maybe the tour bus crashed and we died!" Markku exclaims. He drops to his knees in front of Toomin.
"Oh please let me into heaven! I was a good little boy…." He wraps his arms around Toomin's pods.
"Get off me!" he kicks him off.
"Listen, we have a little story to tell…." Drew begins about how Lenalaye abducted them the first time, abducted them again, unleashed a war of fanfiction and how they've managed to weaken her.
"Now, just recently, we got one of her generals to admit that Lenalaye's deepest desire is to sing onstage. Also, we were only given the laptop on the condition that we worked you into the story somehow. You see why we needed to come here. So, will you help us defeat Lenalaye and end this fic?" Drew asks. The members of Hoobastank all share a look.
"Hmmm….Hoobastank huddle!" Doug calls. They all gather together and discuss things.
"Well, kinda seems pointless to try and make that Manhattan show…plus, these people seem nice." Chris says.
"You're right Chris!" Doug says and turns around to face all of them,
"All right, we'll go into the heart of danger and stop this fiend!" The Whoseline Cast (Ryan- semi-fanfic author, Colin-the bald one, Wayne-the singing african-american one, Greg - the one with the hair and witt, Chip-the dancing one, Brad- the one who dressed as a woman, Drew-the host), the Animorphs (Jake, Rachel, Marco, Cassie, Tobias, Ax) and the others (Akisis-renegade fanfic author, President Bush, David-everworld, KAA-animorphs author, Toomin-the former Ellimist) all raise up a great cheer and grab each other in hugs.
"Okay, so you should just be able to go out there, ask Lenalaye if she would like to sing and during that time, we'll all write a connecting piece…then the ending will come!" Akisis says excitedly. Another cheer goes up.
"Can do! We'll see you at the end I guess!" Markku says as they all take up their stuff and go out of the lobby.
"Good luck!"
"You guys rock!"
"The end! The end is in sight!"
"Oh thank goodness!"
"Take that b!@!&^@&*!^ down!"
"You can do it!"
"God bless you!" Everyone shouts out their encouraging remarks and blessings as they wave Hoobastank off. The band walks out into the dark with the Whoseline? set at the opposite side, like a light at the end of a dark tunnel.
Lenalaye sits, alone and sad at the Whoseline? desk. She plays with a pen, trying to balance it on her nose.
"*sigh* Man this sucks….I miss the old times so much….just when it was them all playing games and I was sitting at my computer laughing. It's been like a year since this all began…." Lenalaye does a flash back
More than a year ago….
"Bwuahahahaahaa! Hehehheee lol!" Lenalaye laughs at her computer screen. Then she goes for a tissue and blows her nose.
"Oh I hate being sick!" she says, but smiles when she looks at the screen.
"Man, Ultra Mike is such an awesome author! His 'Quote the Hawk' series is so funny…I wish I could write humor…." She sighs then reads some humorous self insertion fics. Then she closes down AOL and goes into her kitchen. She takes some allergy pills and begins laughing again.
"Perhaps I can…." She runs up to her laptop, opens it up and begins typing.
Okay I'm out of school on account for sickness and just read a really goofy self-insertion fic. So now I'm going to do one of my own! Special guests include fanfic writers Momo Claus, Rach*, Air Wolf, Mystery Girl, and Danel! Plus, partially including my muse Odrin! NYYYYYYYAAAA!!! Here we go!!! ( damn allergy medicine, I feel…..loopy…..)
We open to Lenalaye sitting in front of her busted laptop. A document shows with ff.net minimized. Suddenly with a sickly green poof, her muse appears in the candle beside her. He groans.
"Odrin! What's up? You don't look good." Lenalaye is indeed right because Odrin is paler than usual and his eyes are drooping.
"A-a-a-choooo!" he sneezes. Lenalaye hands him a kleenex.
"Dank you." He says and blows his nose.
"Maybe you should go home."
"No! You wanted help on this fic and you're going to get it!" he picks up his muse wand.
"Odrin I don't think this is…." Odrin holds his wand up and suddenly sneezes.
"Odrin!" Suddenly the computer screen wobbles and sucks the two of them in. They end up in a white void. Lenalaye looks and sees others are with her.
"My beta staff? What the hell kind of fic is this?"
THE ONE THAT YOUR MUSE SNEEZED OUT. IN ORDER TO LEAVE YOU MUST TELL A STORY. YOU CAN FEATURE ANYONE OR ANTHING IN THIS.
"Ellimist?" Lenalaye asks.
THE ONE AND ONLY. SORT OF….
"Dude can I have your autograph!"
NO
"Pllleeeeeeeease! I'll be your friend!"
NO
"Awwwww you're mean!"
TO ASSIST YOU, HERE IS YOUR PERSONAL BETA STAFF. GOOD LUCK.
"Hi" they say in a collective voice. Lenalaye stumbles over to them.
"Thank god! I'm in this weirdo…"
"Fic, yes we know. Odrin transferred you into the fic via his allergies." Said Mystery Girl. Lenalaye blinked.
"How did you…" she gropes blindly.
"Duh. We were just listening!" Air Wolf rolls her eyes.
"This fic's really going somewhere…"
"Says she that has only two stories on this site!" Lenalaye yells. Air Wolf cringes back.
"At least they're actually stories! More than half of your fics are stupid music videos!" Lenalaye looks to the reader.
"And you can thank Rb for that." She winks.
"Hey! I'm not on your beta staff and neither is Mystery Girl!" says Momo Claus. Lenalaye blinks.
"This is gettin weird……"
"Shouldn't we be actually doing something?" Danel interrupts.
"Well at least I don't put my ideal boyfriend in my fics *cough* Lenalaye!" Air Wolf picks the fight up again.
"What can I say? I have a weakness for blondes…." Lenalaye counters.
"Look can we do this quickly! I was just finishing my 'Hanging by a Moment Video!'" says Momo Claus.
"Hanging by a moment……" Lenalaye begins to sing and bob her head.
"Okay how about we do something about Animorphs? We all read that right?" Rach* speaks.
"Desperate for changing, starving for truth…" Momo Claus and Lenalaye both sing with their arms around each other.
"Hellllllloooo!" Mystery girl shouts at them.
"Letting go of all I've held onto----huh? Oh yeah. The story. Yeah I've always wanted to morph anyway. Ellmisty dude?"
I AM NOT ELLMISTY DUDE.
"Listen just put us in the Anirmophs all right?"
SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY I EVEN BOTHER…..
Lenalaye looks at what she has written.
"Oh that is crap!" she xs out the document and taps her fingers…suddenly….strangely……she opens up another document and begins writing.
Don't ask, don't even say a thing. Just let me tell this out, then you can say all you want. Whose Line is it Anyway? Belongs to ABC, not me….
*End Flashback*
Lenalaye wipes away a tear.
"Oh I hate how things change….it's not fair…." She sniffles. Her army returns.
"We couldn't find anyone you wanted." Max of Roswell reports back.
"But we got lots of Snapple!" Michael of Roswell says, holding up a bottle.
"And we found a guy who looks exactly like Mitch Pelegi!" Langley of The Lone Gunmen of X-Files fame holds up a business guy, partially bald and with glasses.
"I told you! I'm not Skinner!" he squirms.
"That's wonderful Langley." Lenalaye sighs.
"What's wrong?" Lou Diamond Phillips as John Cainin from Wolf Lake says as he crouches by Lenalaye.
"Ohh everything! I just guess this fic wasn't meant to be…." Unbeknownst to her, Akisis and the others sneak in, and go under the bleachers.
"I think we can work here. This way, we can keep an eye on Lenalaye. How's the connecting piece going?" Aksis asks.
"Great!" Ryan gives a thumbs up as the others all discuss the ending in soft voices. The picture goes back to Lenalaye.
"Once, when I was a young girl, I was walking around a plaza at night. I was wearing my jester's hat…it was a time when She ' Daisy was popular and I was perhaps more extrovert," all of Len's army crowds around to hear the story,
" I remember the great time me and my friends and I had….I can still see it so clearly…the fountain. Someone told me 'Throw a penny in and make a wish!' and as I fingered that penny, I thought, 'If I could make people laugh, that would be the greatest gift in the world…I wish I could make people laugh, in a good way of course…'" Lenalaye finishes up.
"And here I am. Trying to fulfill a dream that was never meant to be…" she sniffles some more. Ryan and the others have stopped and listened to Len's sob story.
"Wow….I never knew…." Akisis says a low voice.
"Man, who here doesn't feel sorry for Lenalaye now?" Ryan asks.
"Meeeee!" Everyone responds.
"Ditto," Ryan answers and looks back out,
"Indeed. Well, back to work. Hoobastank should be coming in soon…." Ryan turns around and goes back to his laptop.
"Turn that frown upside down!" Doug says cheerily. Lenalaye looks up through blurry eyes.
*sniffle " Who are you?" she asks.
"Why, Hoobastank of course! Now we were planning on playing a set, but Doug came down with laryngitis…" Markku explains.
"I did?" Doug wonders, everyone stares at him,
"Oh yea!" he then starts coughing and goes into a fit, writhing on the floor. He continues in his conniptions and throes for several seconds.
"That's enough!" Chris kicks him.
"Anyway, we're looking for a singer, and someone told us you have a lovely voice." Dan finishes.
*sniffle* "Really?"
"Yea, so, how would you like to come up onstage with us?" Dan asks.
"Oh I'd be a bother…" Lenalaye declines.
"No, no, no! You really wouldn't!" Chris endorses.
"Yea, pleaaaaaase??? Your voice is so pretty…" Markku pleads. Lenalaye looks around.
"Well… I guess it kinda is…maybe one song…." She smiles bashfully and gets up. The guys all plug in their instruments and Doug sits on the bleachers. He bends over the side and gives a thumbs up.
Lenalaye holds the microphone as the music for 'Crawling in the Dark' starts up. Markku and Dan start jammin as Chris provides the beat.
"Wow, this plan worked out great!" Drew says from underneath the bleachers.
"Umm….does anyone know if Lenalaye can sing though?" Toomin asks. Everyone shares a worried look. The picture goes back to Lenalaye, onstage. She takes a deep breath and begins,
"I will dedicate
And sacrifice my every
---thing for just a second's worth
To find my story's ending.
And I wish I could know,
If the directions that I take
And all the choices that I make
Won't end up all for nothing!" She begins to walk around onstage.
"Show me what it's for!
Make me understand it!
I've been crawling in the dark
Looking for the answer
Is there something more?
Then what I've been handed?!
I've been crawling in the dark
looking for the answer…" Greg taps Marco and Bush.
"You can take your fingers out of your ears, she's not that bad…" Lenalaye starts getting really into it.
"Help me carry on
Assure me it's okay to
Use my heart and not my eyes
To navigate the darkness
Will the ending be
Every coming suddenly?
Will I ever get to see
The ending to my story?!" Len slides on her knees as everyone cheers around her,
"Show me what it's for!
Make me understand it!
I've been crawling in the dark
Looking for the answer
Is there something more?
Then what I've been handed!
I've been crawling in the dark
looking for the answer!…" The audience hoots and hold up signs saying "We love Hoobstank!" and "I (heart) Lenalaye!"
Wow, it's just like I always fantasized! Len's heart warms at being welcomed like this.
Maybe I should just give up writing and become a singer! She gets back on her feet and continues the song,
"So when it comes will I know?" the last word echoes all around her. Lights flash and lighters flicker on in the audience. Lenalaye starts jumping around and bounding about the stage.
"How much further do I have to go?
(have to go)" Akisis turns to Ryan.
"Are you almost done???" she asks.
"And how much longer till I finally know?
(finally know)"
"Just about!" he answers.
"Cuz I'm looking and I just can't see what's in front of me….
IN FRONT OF MEEEEE!" Lenalaye throws back her head and belts out the last line. Then she lets her hair fall back down.
"Show me what it's for
Make me understand it…
I've been crawling in the dark
Looking for the answer
Is there something more?!
Then what I've been handed?!
I've been crawling in the dark
looking for the answer!…" Lenalaye head bangs and gives one last jump as the song ends. Shouts of acclaim and whistles of approval erupt all around her.
"Thank you! Thank you! And thank you…" she points out into the audience.
"Yeeeeeeessss! We've got it!" Wayne claps his hands together.
"ALL RIGHT!" Akisis shouts in a whisper and there's a little partying under the bleachers.
"Ya ready Ryan? The end of this stupid thing?"
"Knowing Lenalaye, it's unlikely this will be the last chapter…" Ryan mutters but slides out anyway. The others follow him, hunched down.
"Thank you all so much!" Lenalaye waves from the stage.
"Hey! Lenalaye! I've got your story's ending right here!" Ryan shouts over the crowd and holds up the laptop.
"And we chained it to his wrist this time!" Toomin points out. Lenalaye looks aghast at Ryan then at everyone else.
"Lies….," she turns around to look at Hoobstank,
"Lies…." She seethes,
"ALL LIES!!!" she screams.
"I've got a connecting piece and with the ending already written, you'd better step aside!" Ryan says in a dangerous commanding voice. Lenalaye hunches over, her dark hair falling in a wild tangle around her face. Her eyes are dark and inhabited by a murderous glint. A dark aura permeates from her. She snorts and draws back a lip in a snarl.
"Oh I shall not step aside, my dear Ryan…." She growls in a haunting way. She snaps her fingers and her laptop flies into her hand,
"I CALL AN AUTHOR'S DUEL!!!" She cries to the heavens, her words echoing throughout the studio. A darkness befalls the studio.
"Oh no! We've truly gone to hell!" KAA sinks to the ground and bites on her nails. The Whoseline? studio floor is cleared of characters, and Lenalaye steps out into the circle.
"Come here…." She curls a finger and Ryan is jerked forward by an invisible force.
"Geez, who does she think she is? Carrie?" Chip wonders. Lenalaye and Ryan face each other off, under the dark, black lights of the studio, tempered with lightening flashes from white lights.
Flash!
The effects light up the dark and villainous face of Lenalaye.
Flash!
And shows the firm twisted look of mutual hatred on Ryan's face. They stop circling each other and Lenalaye's fingers fly on her laptop. Suddenly a black wave rises up and crashes down on Ryan.
"AHHHH!" he struggles under it and a ghostly wail arises. He finds the keyboard on his computer and hastily types something. A sudden twister enters the studio and sweeps up Lenalaye, hurling her around in circles.
"YaaaaAaaaaAaaaaaaAaaaaAaaaaaaa!"
"And that's ripping off of Twister…." Greg comments. Lenalaye is finally flung into the desk, which cracks.
"Grrrrrr…." She types something and a hoard of mice infest the studio. They swarm Ryan and even travel up his pants.
"Owie!" Ryan screams as he feels them bite into his skin. He grows furious and types. A black hawk pierces the studio with a cry and strikes Lenalaye. Two, red slashes run up her face now.
"I think that was actually in the Carebears movie!" Chip exclaims.
"What? What part?" Brad asks.
"When Kim and Jason are running from that spell Nicholas sends, it becomes a hawk at one point!"
"Oh yea! Too bad the Carebears aren't here. They'd do a Carebear stare and stop this!" They continue to watch as Lenalaye combats this with a lightening bolt. Ryan sizzles and convulses as he suffers under the strike.
"Ryan!" Akisis cries out. He fries for five seconds longer, his eyes bulging out and tongue lolling. Then he collapses and continues to twitch on the floor.
"NO!" Colin cries out. Drew and Wayne hold him back as he struggles to get loose.
"There's nothing you can do…." Chip says tearfully. Colin collapses also and begins sobbing.
"Oh he was the best friend I ever had…even after I ate his shirt in the first episode!" he cries. Lenalaye walks over to Ryan and smiles.
"AhahahhahaaahahhahaaAHAHAHHAHHAAAA!" she throws back her head and laughs. Ryan opens a eye and his finger creeps to the keyboard. He slowly types something out.
"Ahahahhaaaaaa---gasp!" Lenalaye suddenly stops laughing. A coil has separated from the floor and wrapped itself around Lenalaye, choking her.
"Is that ripping off Harry Potter???" Brad wonders.
"Lenalaye!" Momo, EllimistGirl and Air Wolf all cry out.
"Don't kill her!" Elli cries out.
"She's just a little astray!" Momo adds. Lenalaye continues to gag until she falls over. Her laptop clatters to the ground in front of her. She uses her tongue that's lolled out, to type something. The coils disappear and she starts catching her breath. She and Ryan stand up.
"Time for final jeopardy!" Lenalaye calls out.
"And I think it's obvious where she got that from." Drew says needlessly. Lenalaye pushes a button on her computer and at the exact same time, Ryan pushes a button on his computer. A fiery bolt of blue energy shoots out of Ryan's screen which he has aimed at Lenalaye and a fiery bolt of purple energy surges from Len's screen. The two plumes connect and both Ryan and Lenalaye are lifted off the ground. They begin to spin around in a circle.
"Now that's ripped from Harry Potter…." Brad points out. Lenalaye and Ryan continue to spin with greater intensity.
WhoooooooooooooOOOOoooooooooOOOoooooooooOOOooooooooo….
"You know you can't hold out any longer so why don't you just give up!" Len shouts over the roaring noise.
"Nya!" Ryan shouts back. The ring of battle is beginning to grow wider and wider.
"Ahhh when will all this stop??!!" Wayne yells as he puts his hands over his ears.
"If it doesn't stop soon, we'll all be destroyed!" Doug shouts back.
"Well duh!" Drew replies with a yell.
"Akisis, you gotta do something!" Ryan says.
"There's nothing I can do!" she screams her reply.
"What do we do???" Toomin screams.
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Everyone joins in a unison cry of terror. No one notices the little meercat skimping in.
"Hahahaaa! Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got sugar in my tummy…" Christopher bounds in.
"I have magic scented candles and pixie sticks!" he cries out triumphantly. He goes to the middle of the fray.
"Want one?" He holds up a pixie stick in the middle of the energy collision. This turns it a bright and furious pink. The noise is deafening and everything starts to shake mightily.
"Ooopsies…" he shrinks down.
KABOOM!
*************************************************************
Oh wow huh? What becomes of everybody?!? I'll post that soon, don't you worry. How did you like the ultimate (or maybe not so ultimate) crossovers? These just come from me and my friends' collective tastes so if you had a series, character (s) that you would have loved to see thrown into this mix, I apologize, I tried.
R/R it was still entertaining though right? Tell me! I live off of reviews J and entertaining people. That stupid fic beginning part ( the one in all italics) is actually what I truly did start on the day that this fic began. Yes, it was born out of allergy pills and having read Ultra Mike's stories, quite possibly the funniest fics I have ever read. So Super Ultra Mike, if you're out there, thanks for the inspiration.
NARF!