Chapter 11

"When are you coming home?" Buffy demanded as soon as she heard his voice on the other end of the line.

He laughed, "Well, I miss you too pet."

"I'm serious, when will you be here?"

"Soon. What's wrong?" His voice was suddenly serious.

"Lots. You can feel it."

"I can feel something," Spike conceded. "But I don't know what's going on."

"Everything I feel is so intense. At first it just happened once every other day or so. But now it seems like it happens all the time. I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"That Dawn will do something to annoy me, and instead of ignoring her, I'll fly into a homicidal rage and slay her."

Spike could tell that Buffy was not joking. He was also a bit afraid for himself. He didn't want to be on the receiving end of her rage, which is exactly what would happen when she found out what he had discovered on his long journey.

"I'll be there in two days," Spike promised, "If not sooner."

"I miss you so much Spike," her voice was barely above a whisper, and Spike could hear the tears in her throat.

"I miss you too, love."

"I..I have to go."

"Can you put the watcher on?"

"Yeah, wait a minute." Spike heard her set the phone down on the counter than yell for Giles. He heard murmured voices than Giles picked up the phone. "Yes?"

"Hey, Rupes. Do me a favor."

"What?"

"Research mythology about resurrection and mortals becoming Gods."

"What?"

"Just do it. I'll be there in a few days and I'll tell you guys everything. How's Willow's research on the soul going?"

"She's been working on it almost non-stop. She hinted to me that she might have an answer, but she doesn't know for sure."

"Tell her it's urgent."

"She knows it is."

"No," Spike said strongly, "she has no idea. This is a matter of life or death. Buffy's."

"I-I understand. I'll tell her right away."

"Thanks Rupes. See ya' in a few." Then Spike cut off the connection.

"Was that Spike?" Willow asked, coming into the kitchen.

Giles set the phone down. "Yes, he said he will be here in a few days. He also said.."

"He also said what?"

"He also said that you need to figure out how to give him soul back. It's a matter of life and death."

"Giles, I think I know how to do it."

Giles paused. "What?"

"I think I know how to do it," she repeated slowly.

"How?"

"It involves Dawn."

***

Xander watched Anya intently as she scribbled notes from the book she was reading. He knew that this was the third time she's been through the book. They were looking so intently for away to get Spike back with Buffy. What annoyed him the most is that he was helping them.

"Why are you staring at me Xander?"

"I just like to watch you."

"Well, don't. You have work to do."

"What if I don't want to help Deadboy Jr?"

"This isn't about him Xander," Anya sighed, "Buffy needs him."

"Anya, I miss you," Xander said suddenly. She opened her mouth to speak, but he held his hand up to stop her. He didn't want to be interrupted because he was afraid he'd lose his nerve. "Can we please, please at least talk about it?"

"Not right now Xander."

"Why not?"

"Xander, I miss you too. But we both made mistakes and I don't know if they can be fixed right now. You tried to kill Spike."

"You slept with him!"

"Xander, I slept with him because I was sad, I was lonely, I was drunk, and I just needed a little bit of attention, some comfort. He was going through the same thing."

"I understand that, Anya, I do. I want to start over again."

"No, Xander, we can't."

"Why not?"

"Spike."

"You're not in love with him too, are you?" Xander asked, shocked.

"No, no, it's nothing like that. But you hate him because he is a demon, he is evil, he's killed thousands of people. We can't be together because I'm a demon."

"But you're different," Xander protested weakly.

"Xander, compared to me, Spike was a furry, little kitten. You need to reconcile our pasts with who we are now. Until you can do that, we don't have a chance."

"I don't understand."

Anya put her book down and moved over to the couch beside Xander. She took his hand. "Xander, sometimes demons can be good and humans can be evil. You know this. Warren is a perfect example. You need to look at people and demons and judge them based on who they are, not what they are."

Xander nodded. "Ok.."

"Xander, I miss you too."She leaned him and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "I miss you a lot. But we have a job to do right now."

***

Buffy sat in her room and forced herself to bite back her tears. She would not cry. Just because she missed her lover more than anything. Just because she had some foreign demon living in her body. Just because she couldn't control her emotions most of the time. Just because she was so lonely she could scream. Those weren't reasons to cry.

Buffy realized that it was the holiday season, and soon she would be taking Dawn out to shop for presents, and soon plans would be made for the dinners and the parties. Buffy used to love the holidays, even if she was getting attacked by dead Shumach Indians.

Buffy smiled fondly at the memory. Well, not at getting attacked, but at the way Spike screamed like a girl when he saw the bear. Honestly, she would never understand him. He faced demons at least the size of the bear, if not bigger, but he couldn't handle being around a bear. Ok, so he was tied up at the time, but you'd think the Big Bad would keep his cool.

Buffy grimaced at the thought of the last Christmas. She was not in the mood for holiday festivities, but everybody thought it would be a good idea to have a little party. Try to act normal. Tara even came over on Christmas Eve and exchanged gifts with everybody else, but didn't stay long. She was too uncomfortable around Willow.

She didn't invite Spike over, and he didn't show. Well, he didn't knock on the door. She saw him though, standing outside and looking in. He looked sad, and longing, and Buffy was still furious at him and at herself. So she ignored him. She regretted that. She regretted everything about the previous year.

Dawn knocked on the door softly, "Hey Buffy. Can I come in?"

Buffy sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Yeah, come in. What's up?"

"Was that Spike on the phone?"

"Yeah, he says he's coming home."

"So he's ok and everything?" Dawn asked, relieved. Half of her was convinced that Spike would never be back.

"He says he's fine. That he has found some new for us."

"Did he say what?"

"No, Dawnie. I guess he wants to tell us in person. Hey, why the long face? This is a time of celebration. Why don't we go out? Have a girl's night out?"

Dawn smiled, "Just you and me?"

"Just you and me," Buffy confirmed.



*** "No!" Giles spat, "I absolutely will not allow that."

"Why not?"

"The magic would be too powerful for you to handle," Giles said plainly.

"Then you and Anya can do the spell."

"Dawn might get hurt."

"She might," Willow conceded, "But that's not really our decision to make. It's Dawn's, and Buffy's, and Spike's."

"Spike will never agree to that," Giles pointed out.

"He might if it meant he could finally be with Buffy," Willow argued.

"No, he wouldn't. I don't think he'd ever allow anything to hurt Dawn. Even if it is for his own good. Even if it was to save Buffy."

Willow sighed. "But Giles, it really is the only way. We've all be through every book a million times."

"Have you told anybody else about your plan?"

Willow shook her head, "I wanted to run it by you first. I've been thinking about this for a long time. I wanted to make sure I had all the kinks worked out before I told anybody."

Giles sighed. "Why don't we keep working on it. We won't tell anybody until it's absolutely necessary."

"It would work Giles."

"I know it will, but at what cost?"

Willow didn't have an answer.