"Oh of course," he said bitterly, "nothing like Angel. Bet that didn't work
out in my favor."
"Well, no," she admitted, "not at first."
"What's that mean?" Spike asked.
"It means that I don't want you to be Angel or anybody else. I want you to be you Spike. Yeah, ok, it took me a long time to realize that, but I do now. And I don't want to spend the rest of my life with Angel hanging over this relationship," Buffy explained.
"Oh," was all Spike could say in response. Well, if this was her way of saying she wanted to put Angelus behind them, than he would be more than happy to stop talking about him completely.
"Well," she said, "what should we talk about now?"
"Last year."
"I don't want to talk about last year," Buffy responded.
"And that's exactly why we should. I think that's why we're here Buffy, and they won't let us go until we really talk about everything."
"Fine, then talk."
"Ok, I will. First, I'm sorry for not stopping you when you kissed me and when you jumped me. Next, I'm sorry for telling you that belong in the dark. I was wrong. I'm sorry for anything I may have said or done that caused you more pain. And I'm sorry for attacking you." His voice was low and hoarse.
"Oh, Spike. I know you are. And I told you, I forgive you." She wanted to reach out and hug him more than anything. She settled for making apologies of her own. "I'm sorry I called you an evil, dead thing. I'm sorry I pounded you until you could barely walk. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry I mocked you and ignored your feelings."
This was a spring board into a discussion that may have taken hours or day for all they knew. Buffy and Spike rehashed every hurt, every joy, every second they spent together after she had been pulled from heaven. Their tears were cried and hearts pulled apart and put back together. Once they started, they couldn't stop until everything was said, sometimes more than once.
When they were through, they were emotionally exhausted, but both felt much better. Like a weight had been lifted from their shoulders. But when they lapsed into silence, they found that they were not magically sent back home.
"We're still here," Buffy said.
"Yeah, I know. Guess we still have more talking to do."
"Ok. When did you know you loved me?"
"Well, **I** knew after I tried to get my chip removed for the last time. Dru knew after we left Sunnydale, while we were in Brazil," he said ruefully.
They discussed every encounter that they could remember, from the very beginning. Most of their conversation centered around the fights, and both praised the other for technique and style. Buffy may have hated him at the time, but she could still respect what a masterful fighter he was. And half of Spike fell in love with Buffy because she could so thoroughly kick his ass.
More hours or days passed, and still they were stuck in the empty darkness, going over the past. When they ran out of stories about each other, they moved onto their personal pasts. Spike told her every detail of his existence from his childhood until he met her. He recited all the poetry that he had ever written. His life was laid before her in all its bloody gory, in scarlet techincolor. She was not able to escape it, or close her ears. She was forced to listen to him relate how the man became the monster, and what the monster had done in its height of depravity. She could trace his development from that monster to the vampire she had grown to love.
When Spike was done with his narration, Buffy launched into hers. It was much shorter, and not nearly as revolting. She told him that she had been a cheerleader, that at one time her main goal in life was to marry Christian Slater and become a personal shopper. She held back the tears when she informed him of her parents' divorce, and the subsequent move to Sunnydale. The first time she met Merrick, the first time she slayed a vampire, the first time she met Giles, Xander, and Willow.
By the time they were finished, they knew each other's secrets, dreams, hopes, sins, glories, loves, hates, passions, desires, and frustration. And still they sat in the dark.
"I don't know what else I can tell you," Spike admitted.
Buffy laughed, "Neither can I. You know everything, even my shoe size."
"Oh wait. There's one thing. I love you Buffy Anne Summers the Vampire Slayer with all of my heart and soul."
Buffy smiled, "I love you William the Bloody will all of my heart and soul." And she really did too, even with the full knowledge of his past.
As the words escaped her mouth, light flooded her vision, and a million sensations, sounds, and colors flooded her senses. She closed her eyes against the sudden brightness, but it didn't do any good. It filled her body from the inside out. Before she was lost in the vast darkness. Now she was lost in the blinding intensity of a thousand suns.
Sorry for the short chapter folks. Work and school calls though. =(
"Well, no," she admitted, "not at first."
"What's that mean?" Spike asked.
"It means that I don't want you to be Angel or anybody else. I want you to be you Spike. Yeah, ok, it took me a long time to realize that, but I do now. And I don't want to spend the rest of my life with Angel hanging over this relationship," Buffy explained.
"Oh," was all Spike could say in response. Well, if this was her way of saying she wanted to put Angelus behind them, than he would be more than happy to stop talking about him completely.
"Well," she said, "what should we talk about now?"
"Last year."
"I don't want to talk about last year," Buffy responded.
"And that's exactly why we should. I think that's why we're here Buffy, and they won't let us go until we really talk about everything."
"Fine, then talk."
"Ok, I will. First, I'm sorry for not stopping you when you kissed me and when you jumped me. Next, I'm sorry for telling you that belong in the dark. I was wrong. I'm sorry for anything I may have said or done that caused you more pain. And I'm sorry for attacking you." His voice was low and hoarse.
"Oh, Spike. I know you are. And I told you, I forgive you." She wanted to reach out and hug him more than anything. She settled for making apologies of her own. "I'm sorry I called you an evil, dead thing. I'm sorry I pounded you until you could barely walk. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry I mocked you and ignored your feelings."
This was a spring board into a discussion that may have taken hours or day for all they knew. Buffy and Spike rehashed every hurt, every joy, every second they spent together after she had been pulled from heaven. Their tears were cried and hearts pulled apart and put back together. Once they started, they couldn't stop until everything was said, sometimes more than once.
When they were through, they were emotionally exhausted, but both felt much better. Like a weight had been lifted from their shoulders. But when they lapsed into silence, they found that they were not magically sent back home.
"We're still here," Buffy said.
"Yeah, I know. Guess we still have more talking to do."
"Ok. When did you know you loved me?"
"Well, **I** knew after I tried to get my chip removed for the last time. Dru knew after we left Sunnydale, while we were in Brazil," he said ruefully.
They discussed every encounter that they could remember, from the very beginning. Most of their conversation centered around the fights, and both praised the other for technique and style. Buffy may have hated him at the time, but she could still respect what a masterful fighter he was. And half of Spike fell in love with Buffy because she could so thoroughly kick his ass.
More hours or days passed, and still they were stuck in the empty darkness, going over the past. When they ran out of stories about each other, they moved onto their personal pasts. Spike told her every detail of his existence from his childhood until he met her. He recited all the poetry that he had ever written. His life was laid before her in all its bloody gory, in scarlet techincolor. She was not able to escape it, or close her ears. She was forced to listen to him relate how the man became the monster, and what the monster had done in its height of depravity. She could trace his development from that monster to the vampire she had grown to love.
When Spike was done with his narration, Buffy launched into hers. It was much shorter, and not nearly as revolting. She told him that she had been a cheerleader, that at one time her main goal in life was to marry Christian Slater and become a personal shopper. She held back the tears when she informed him of her parents' divorce, and the subsequent move to Sunnydale. The first time she met Merrick, the first time she slayed a vampire, the first time she met Giles, Xander, and Willow.
By the time they were finished, they knew each other's secrets, dreams, hopes, sins, glories, loves, hates, passions, desires, and frustration. And still they sat in the dark.
"I don't know what else I can tell you," Spike admitted.
Buffy laughed, "Neither can I. You know everything, even my shoe size."
"Oh wait. There's one thing. I love you Buffy Anne Summers the Vampire Slayer with all of my heart and soul."
Buffy smiled, "I love you William the Bloody will all of my heart and soul." And she really did too, even with the full knowledge of his past.
As the words escaped her mouth, light flooded her vision, and a million sensations, sounds, and colors flooded her senses. She closed her eyes against the sudden brightness, but it didn't do any good. It filled her body from the inside out. Before she was lost in the vast darkness. Now she was lost in the blinding intensity of a thousand suns.
Sorry for the short chapter folks. Work and school calls though. =(