Chapter 21
The First Slayer indicated that they should sit. Neither Buffy nor Spike wanted to sit. "We will be here for a long time," Tara informed them.
They looked at each other, and then sat on the ground. Buffy moved as close to Spike as she could without actually touching him. She didn't want to show weakness to the source of her Power, but she also needed Spike's strength. Her friends, her love, that was the real source of her Power.
"You love the vampire," the First stated.
Buffy nodded.
"He is dark. Darker than you can imagine."
"He has the light of love," Buffy countered.
"He's full of terrible anger and violence. His demon is strong."
"His heart is stronger."
"He can kill you."
"He won't."
"You will kill him."
"Never."
Spike listened silently to the exchange, but not because he wanted to. He was unable to speak. His eyes flashed with anger, and Buffy put a comforting hand on his arm. This was her test, not his.
"You trust the vampire."
"Always."
"You let him drink from you. You belong to him." Disgust and disappointment was clear in Tara's soft voice.
Buffy lifted her chin defiantly, "We belong with each other."
The First Slayer touched Spike's face, caressed it slowly. He didn't pull away from her touch. The gentle caress changed into something violent as she scratched his face. Spike still didn't move. She licked the blood dripping from his cheek, and Buffy jumped up angrily.
"Leave him alone."
"Quiet child, he is fine."
She lapped at his skin again. Buffy wondered if he enjoyed it, he didn't seem repulsed by it. She reared back him suddenly and wiped her lips. She took several steps back and hissed.
"He is worthy."
"Worthy of what?"
"You may choose him, if you desire."
"Choose him for what?"
"To be your companion." Tara lifted her gaze and looked at Buffy in the eyes. "Buffy, you need to understand what this means. Half of your power will go to him, you will be bound to him for eternity. He will be made a God."
Buffy liked the sounds of that. She liked it a lot. But she didn't like the look on Tara's face.
"So what's the downside?"
"You can choose him for eternity, or you can choose the others. He is too strong to share the power, he'll need almost as much as you do."
"But the others can share?"
"They can be made demi-Gods and be with you forever."
Spike turned to his lover and the tears in her eyes nearly tore out his heart.
"I..I have to think," she whispered, standing up and moving away.
Spike stood also and followed her as she walked further away from the First Slayer and her Voice. "I can't make this decision."
Spike nodded sadly. He knew that she could never choose him over her friends, the Watcher, and especially Dawn. Their lives would be so short, and Buffy would miss them so much if she could never see them again. It would be a pain that would never leave her, no matter how long she existed. And if she chose him, he would be partly responsible for that pain. He swore he would never hurt her again, and he meant it.
He couldn't help but feel extremely guilty. This was all his fault. If he had never ran off to Africa to get a soul, Buffy would never be put in this situation. But Buffy never would have loved him either, and he was willing to exist without her as long as he had the knowledge that once upon a time, she loved him.
"Buffy, I think it's obvious what your decision should be."
"What?"
"Choose them."
She furrowed her eyebrows, "Why?"
"You'd be miserable without them." Spike's voice was think, his throat was constricting with each word.
She wrapped her arms around him, "I'd be miserable without you."
Spike shook his head, "No, you wouldn't. You'd be fine."
"No, Spike, you're wrong. I could never be fine without you."
"What about Dawn? Willow?"
She touched his lips with a lingering kiss. "I have a plan."
"Buffy, I love you. I just want you to be happy."
"I'm happy with you. You're heart is breaking, I can feel it. Don't be sad Spike."
Spike searched her face, looking for any doubt, but he only saw confidence. He trusted her, and if she had a plan, he would follow her lead. She kissed him again. "I love you Spike."
She took his hand and led him back to where the First and Tara was waiting. "When am I going to become a Goddess?"
"Right away."
"No."
"What?"
"No, I don't want to right now. I want to wait."
Both the Slayer and Tara frowned. "I do not understand."
"I want to see Dawn grow up. I want to see my friends live their lives; I want to be part of their lives. I want to see how successful Willow will be, and I want to see Xander and Anya get married and raise a family. I want to travel to England with Giles and see where Spike grew up. I'll never have a normal life, I know that, but I want to have a life. You can't take that away from me." Buffy paused for a deep breath and squeezed Spike's hand. "When they are gone, then I will become the Goddess. With Spike."
"It cannot wait. You cannot wait."
"Either my demands are met, or I refuse to do it. You can't force me to do anything."
The First tensed and looked as though she was prepared to strike. "You do not understand."
"No, you don't understand. I didn't have any choice about becoming the Slayer, but I have a choice now."
"Your friends are not important."
Buffy's face turned red and she moved forward quickly, grabbing the First by the hair and flinging her to the ground. She held her down with her body, and moved so that their faces were nearly touching. "I will say this once, and you will understand me. There is nothing in this world more important than my sister, my friends, and my lover. I fight for them, I have died for them, and I will gladly lay my life down for them again." Buffy gripped her hair tighter and forced her hair back, "You know nothing about it. Do not talk about them like that again."
She let go of the First and quickly stepped back, crossing her arms. "Do we have an understanding?"
"Yes," Tara whispered. "Your demands are met. You win."
Buffy smiled broadly, "I always do."
Then the world went black.
The First Slayer indicated that they should sit. Neither Buffy nor Spike wanted to sit. "We will be here for a long time," Tara informed them.
They looked at each other, and then sat on the ground. Buffy moved as close to Spike as she could without actually touching him. She didn't want to show weakness to the source of her Power, but she also needed Spike's strength. Her friends, her love, that was the real source of her Power.
"You love the vampire," the First stated.
Buffy nodded.
"He is dark. Darker than you can imagine."
"He has the light of love," Buffy countered.
"He's full of terrible anger and violence. His demon is strong."
"His heart is stronger."
"He can kill you."
"He won't."
"You will kill him."
"Never."
Spike listened silently to the exchange, but not because he wanted to. He was unable to speak. His eyes flashed with anger, and Buffy put a comforting hand on his arm. This was her test, not his.
"You trust the vampire."
"Always."
"You let him drink from you. You belong to him." Disgust and disappointment was clear in Tara's soft voice.
Buffy lifted her chin defiantly, "We belong with each other."
The First Slayer touched Spike's face, caressed it slowly. He didn't pull away from her touch. The gentle caress changed into something violent as she scratched his face. Spike still didn't move. She licked the blood dripping from his cheek, and Buffy jumped up angrily.
"Leave him alone."
"Quiet child, he is fine."
She lapped at his skin again. Buffy wondered if he enjoyed it, he didn't seem repulsed by it. She reared back him suddenly and wiped her lips. She took several steps back and hissed.
"He is worthy."
"Worthy of what?"
"You may choose him, if you desire."
"Choose him for what?"
"To be your companion." Tara lifted her gaze and looked at Buffy in the eyes. "Buffy, you need to understand what this means. Half of your power will go to him, you will be bound to him for eternity. He will be made a God."
Buffy liked the sounds of that. She liked it a lot. But she didn't like the look on Tara's face.
"So what's the downside?"
"You can choose him for eternity, or you can choose the others. He is too strong to share the power, he'll need almost as much as you do."
"But the others can share?"
"They can be made demi-Gods and be with you forever."
Spike turned to his lover and the tears in her eyes nearly tore out his heart.
"I..I have to think," she whispered, standing up and moving away.
Spike stood also and followed her as she walked further away from the First Slayer and her Voice. "I can't make this decision."
Spike nodded sadly. He knew that she could never choose him over her friends, the Watcher, and especially Dawn. Their lives would be so short, and Buffy would miss them so much if she could never see them again. It would be a pain that would never leave her, no matter how long she existed. And if she chose him, he would be partly responsible for that pain. He swore he would never hurt her again, and he meant it.
He couldn't help but feel extremely guilty. This was all his fault. If he had never ran off to Africa to get a soul, Buffy would never be put in this situation. But Buffy never would have loved him either, and he was willing to exist without her as long as he had the knowledge that once upon a time, she loved him.
"Buffy, I think it's obvious what your decision should be."
"What?"
"Choose them."
She furrowed her eyebrows, "Why?"
"You'd be miserable without them." Spike's voice was think, his throat was constricting with each word.
She wrapped her arms around him, "I'd be miserable without you."
Spike shook his head, "No, you wouldn't. You'd be fine."
"No, Spike, you're wrong. I could never be fine without you."
"What about Dawn? Willow?"
She touched his lips with a lingering kiss. "I have a plan."
"Buffy, I love you. I just want you to be happy."
"I'm happy with you. You're heart is breaking, I can feel it. Don't be sad Spike."
Spike searched her face, looking for any doubt, but he only saw confidence. He trusted her, and if she had a plan, he would follow her lead. She kissed him again. "I love you Spike."
She took his hand and led him back to where the First and Tara was waiting. "When am I going to become a Goddess?"
"Right away."
"No."
"What?"
"No, I don't want to right now. I want to wait."
Both the Slayer and Tara frowned. "I do not understand."
"I want to see Dawn grow up. I want to see my friends live their lives; I want to be part of their lives. I want to see how successful Willow will be, and I want to see Xander and Anya get married and raise a family. I want to travel to England with Giles and see where Spike grew up. I'll never have a normal life, I know that, but I want to have a life. You can't take that away from me." Buffy paused for a deep breath and squeezed Spike's hand. "When they are gone, then I will become the Goddess. With Spike."
"It cannot wait. You cannot wait."
"Either my demands are met, or I refuse to do it. You can't force me to do anything."
The First tensed and looked as though she was prepared to strike. "You do not understand."
"No, you don't understand. I didn't have any choice about becoming the Slayer, but I have a choice now."
"Your friends are not important."
Buffy's face turned red and she moved forward quickly, grabbing the First by the hair and flinging her to the ground. She held her down with her body, and moved so that their faces were nearly touching. "I will say this once, and you will understand me. There is nothing in this world more important than my sister, my friends, and my lover. I fight for them, I have died for them, and I will gladly lay my life down for them again." Buffy gripped her hair tighter and forced her hair back, "You know nothing about it. Do not talk about them like that again."
She let go of the First and quickly stepped back, crossing her arms. "Do we have an understanding?"
"Yes," Tara whispered. "Your demands are met. You win."
Buffy smiled broadly, "I always do."
Then the world went black.