The Diarys
The diarys of key characters from Star Wars have been stolen and being made public, firstly...
The Diary of Anakin Skywalker
Page 1
We were ordered by the Jedi Council to look after Senator Padme Amidala. We used to know eachother nine or ten years ago, from looking at us you would think or rather KNOW there was a terrible age difference. But since then the age gap has miraculously been closed as I have aged by ten years and she has aged, rather strangely, by a couple of months it seemed.
When I tried to tell Obi-wan that her perfume is intoxicating, he thought that I was talking about the actual person and told me to be mindful of my feelings! Hah what does he know about being mindful of his feeling! HE WEARS ROBES!!!!
Page 2
Went to the Jedi Temple today, and they gave me my first mission. I was to take her to Naboo and protect her. I tried to persuade her to tell me where she got her perfume from and I suppose I half succeeded. But I had to run around with her and roll around with her and talk to her and eat with her. Then at night she put on this really slutty dress and told me (In code of course for we had agreed that to prevent Padme's subjects from looking at me strangely we had to cleverly devise a code. They gave me strange looks anyway) that I couldn't have it. It was all "We live in a real wold!" ("We live in a real world"), "And I'm not going to give everything up" ("And I'm NOT telling you where that store is") and "NO" ("If you want this perfume your going to have to go get it yourself, search the galaxy like I did.") And then I saw it, a cylinder of perfume with the tag on it. It said 'Essence of Shmi Skywalker, Mos Eisley'.
Page 3
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Page 4
Page 4 is having to substitute for page three due to excessive laughter.
I tricked Padme into taking me to Mos Eisley. I said that I had to see my mother and she just crumbled under my fingers. Perfume here I come.
Page 5
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My mother took all the perfume with her and got caught by Tuskan Raiders! I can't beleive the stupidity! In memory of her they won't be making any more of the perfume forever!!!!!!!! ARGHHG
Page 6
Those Tuskan Raiders, they took the perfume and killed my Mum!!!! So I killed them, and not just the women but the men and the children and the LITTLE PET PUPPYDOGS!!!!!! That'll teach em.
Page 7
The funeral was today, it hadn't really sunk in before. My Mum was dead, the perfume was gone. My life wasn't worth living anymore. Then R2-D2 came along with a message. Saying Obi-wan was in a slight predicament. All we saw them was him blasted to peices by some droid. Padme insisted on going to rescue him though. So I tagged along and eventually we landed. Only for Padme to confide in me that the perfume wasn't from Mos Eisley, it was from Coruscant. (In code of course). Then they took us out to be executed, no logic in that woman's thinking. Tut tut tut.
Page 8
Well it turns out Obi-wan was alive. And then it was so cool cause then we were battling these creatures and then we were...er...battling droids. And then Obi-wan was battling an animal. And then we were battling these clones! Weren't we?
Page 9
MY HAND MY HAND MY BEAUTIFUL HAND!!!!!!! WHAT HAS THAT ARROGANT OLD SITH WITH BAD DRESS SENSE DONE TO IT!!!! GO YODA! GO YODA! GO YODA! GO YODA!
Page 10
Me and Padme had an official perfume ceremony on Naboo. The witnesses were C-3PO and R2-D2, now I get to use ALL her perfumes. Ah yes a happy ending as is most often in films, books and sorts.